Chapter 35: The Past
Rima's gaze were fixated firmly on the tiled ground in front of her. She was gripping the tattoo on her wrist tightly, as if trying to will her Innocence out on a moment's notice even though there was no necessity—the Black Order was as safe for the moment as safe could be.
Her head whirled with the worst possible case scenarios: Kanda kidnapped, tortured, dead at the hands of the Noah. And she did not know which one he might've met, but she knew that regardless of any particular member, the Noah were ruthless when it came to the Exorcists, and having escaped death so many times, Kanda would be received with double the amount of cruelty…
She shuddered involuntarily, leaning her head on her arms as she breathed shallowly. Footsteps approached, pausing right beside her, and then someone slid down next to her. Rima did not look up; the presence was familiar enough.
A hand slid across her neck and then to her shoulder, causing her to finally turn to the newcomer. Lavi smiled at her, his expression surprisingly refreshing.
"Hey," he said. "Worried?"
"What else?" said Rima with a slight scoff. "Komui can't establish a connection, I'm not allowed to go to Ankara, they're still not back after hours of last communication—it's hard not to be worried…"
"Want to sneak out?" said Lavi. "Go by ourselves?"
"I thought about it," said Rima darkly, "but there are guards, and Komui will flip if I go."
"Since when have you been one to care about rules?"
Rima laughed weakly. "True. But disobeying Komui is quite different from disobeying Leverrier…I can't help but feel like I'm doing something incredibly taboo if I ignore Komui."
"Hell, we do that all the time…"
Rima shook her head. "I'll wait. If they're not back by tomorrow, I'll go myself. But until then…I'll wait."
Lavi looked at her strangely, as if he had been expecting something different. He said nothing, however, and let Rima resume staring at the floor, while he found his own corner of the wall to stare out listlessly, quietly, as the universal clock ticked on.
They were not in trouble—they were just in a desperate situation where they had no connection, no route of escape, and about twenty Akuma plus a Noah right in front of them. He'd even managed to get Mugen from the useless moyashi without getting hurt—an impressive feat, considering that Lulu had immediately lashed out at him.
Danger? Hardly. Kanda had killed a Noah by himself before. No, he did not care if she was woman. He had never been a much of a chivalrous guy…
The problem was her constant shape-shifting. It was pesky, annoying, and made Kanda's head hurt, because he never really knew how to adjust intelligently; he just reacted instinctively, which, apparently, was making him lose because he was now sporting several wounds on his limbs from the blades that had so suddenly appeared from Lulu's arms.
"Pretty boy…" she said, almost bored as she leapt up gracefully, avoiding Kanda's swipe, "you really should just die, you know. I'm hardly as sadistic as Road or Tyki—I just get the job done for the Earl and move on. It would be quite beneficial for you to just…die."
"Very comforting," said Kanda sarcastically, readjusting the blade and sheathe in his hands. Utilizing the speed that was infamous among the Order, he appeared directly behind Lulu as she floated midair and crossed the two in the customary offensive fashion. Nigentou. Hakka Tourou.
Swift though he was, the Noah simply morphed into an ephemeral shape and slipped beyond his grasp. The lit Innocence caught the edge of her indistinguishable leg, eliciting a quiet hiss, but she bounded away, presumably unhurt.
"Innocence really doesn't hurt me unless I'm in a solid form, you know," she said plainly. "You should really just give up."
Kanda simply narrowed his eyes as he side-stepped an Akuma lunging for him from the right, easily decapitating it with one deft swipe. Lulubell materialized into her normal form, her deep golden eyes watching his movements with an emotion close to amusement.
There was a silence between them, punctured by the screams and explosions that Allen, Lenalee, and the Thirds were in the middle of. Kanda gripped his weapon tightly, scrutinizing her figure closely.
She finally spoke up.
"You're strong. You're the one that Tyki and Road have been so frustrated with, aren't you?" she asked.
"…The hell I'd know."
"Hm," she said pensively, frowning slightly. "Causing no little trouble to the family…it'd be best if I finished you off then. If I remember correctly…your little friend…"
Kanda's stomach lurched unpleasantly—he knew who the Noah was talking about instantly. Strangely enough though, Lulubell didn't finish her sentence. It trailed off, lost into the stagnant silence, and she shook her head slowly.
"I see," she said vaguely. "Let's begin then."
He didn't wait for his enemy to move first; propelling himself off a dining table, he sped into the air and lunged forward, not surprised that he didn't hurt her, but somewhat startled that she physically dodged instead of transforming into something transparent. She moved with a speed that he hadn't expected, appearing directly behind him. Something caught his shoulder, causing Kanda to move agilely away in order to prevent the wound from deepening. Lulubell followed up with another attack immediately, not yielding any ground as she forced Kanda across the room. He jumped rather ungainly over the upturned tables and chairs, trying to find some sort of solid footing in an effort to keep up with her pace.
Lulu's hands shifted into blades of some sort, and she swiped forward easily, her golden eyes cold and unyielding as Kanda blocked the attack with his sheathe. He stepped towards her and whipped his katana directly down at Lulubell's head; preoccupied, the Noah did not manage to dodge until the blade had cut into her forehead slightly, drawing a stream of blood.
"Shit," she cursed, hopping away and bringing a hand up to her head.
"You really don't think I'm just going to stop, do you?" said Kanda coldly, continuing his offensive run and consistently pursuing her.
The tables were turned; it was now the Noah being forced into a corner, watching her every step as Kanda conducted every swipe and lunge with merciless accuracy. Lulubell gritted her teeth, obviously unnerved by the outlook of the fight, and her shape began to change again.
"No way in hell," snarled Kanda, gripping his weapons tightly and crossing them. Hakka Tourou.
He could feel the metal connect with a solid figure, could hear the furious hiss that escaped from his target; trails of blood tipped the edges of his Innocence, and he knew that he had dealt a major blow.
Kanda pressed relentlessly forward, his dark eyes focused as he made sure that Lulubell wouldn't escape. Finally cornering her against a wall, his lips curled into a cold smirk as he brought the sword up to her neck, his sheath tapped against her chest to prevent her from changing shape.
"One wrong move," he said quietly, "and I'll run you through. Where's the Innocence?"
"It seems your friends already found it," she answered smoothly.
The answer was plausible; the amount of Akuma activity seemed to have decreased tremendously while he had been crossing weapons with the Noah.
"Great," he said coolly. "Bye."
He leaned back slightly, preparing for a final blow, when Lulu shifted her shape quickly and accurately. Kanda swiftly brought Mugen to her neck, about to decapitate her in one clean stroke, only to stop suddenly as he recognized the newly shifted face.
So that's what Lulu had meant before. She had seen the way to win.
Because it was Rima's face that was looking up at Kanda now.
Her pale skin, the mismatched eyes, the exact length of black hair; the only thing that detracted from Rima's normal appearance was the derisive smirk that painted her lips, the coldness that it represented. Kanda found himself staring hesitantly.
"See?" said Rima's voice. "Humans—so easily tricked. What can you do? She's your special one, isn't she? You can't do anything about it. Could you really run her through? Cut off her head? Run that Innocence of yours through her…familiar body, I presume? What can you do…" Rima leaned forward, her head placed gently against Kanda's chest, "Kanda?"
His breath hitched. Everything was just a bit too similar, but it wasn't her. He knew that. He could do this.
The grip on Mugen's hilt tightened. His eyes closed. It was a Noah. His mind was clear.
The two of them remained in shaky silence for a few brief moments, each collecting their thoughts.
And then, simultaneous movement.
Kanda pushed her back, his eyes now open and flashing in concentration, as Lulu/Rima's arm shaped into a silver blade, much similar to the one that Rima had when she'd gone critical. Kanda paid it no heed—not the similarity, not the face. Just concentrated. And pushed the blade forward.
Mugen pierced straight through the heart.
And in the same instant, he could feel incredible pain through his own chest.
Physical, mostly, from the blade that had pierced in the center of his chest. Was it emotional? He couldn't be sure. But he knew, upon haggardly looking at Lulu's face, that he'd won. The Noah's eyes were already closed; she was collapsing on the floor. But that face was still Rima's.
Clutching his wound and breathing in deeply, he fell to his knees, struggling to breathe and maintain consciousness. Blood was beginning to pool around the fallen Noah—no, Rima, and it scared him—literally—to see that degree of paleness on her cheeks, the stillness, the coldness. He could feel the blood on his hands. Mugen seemed to weigh tons heavier.
He let out a shallow breath, unable to tear his eyes from the scene.
A repeat of the past. The sensation of killing one of the few he trusted.
One of the very little "friends" he had. Someone…important.
Again, with his Innocence. For survival.
Someone was calling him, his name, but he did not move. His dark eyes were fixated on the still figure in front of him. Something—not the pain from the wound, not the exhaustion, but something—twisted at his heart.
He closed his eyes, unable to sustain consciousness.
It was all just a repeat of the past.
"…Someone new?"
"What the hell?"
"Why didn't she come from a hole?"
"I thought that was how you said babies were made, Dr. Edgar."
"W-well, this is a different case," said the doctor nervously, ushering a young girl towards the two boys. "We brought her from outside—her name's Rima. Greet her, boys."
"Hi," said Alma simply, eyes curiously transfixed on the newcomer.
"Moron," said Yuu immediately.
Rima looked from one to the other, her expression more perplexed than offended.
"Yuu," said Edgar, somewhat pained, "could you please keep that tongue of yours in check? She hasn't said a word to you—why are you calling her a moron?"
"Because she hasn't said a word," retorted Yuu, completely defensive. "Only morons don't speak."
"It's only been half a year since you woke up," sighed Edgar. "How are you this judgmental already?"
"Where are we?" asked Rima, speaking up for the first time.
Her voice was weird. Relieving. Almost refreshing. Her brown eyes, mirroring Yuu's, looked around the room inquisitively. Alma's face lit up in excitement as he heard her speak.
"We're in the Black Order Asia Branch, Sixth Institute," he said animatedly. "I'm Alma, this is Yuu, and we're the only ones of our kind around here."
"Kind?" she repeated. "Like…kids?"
Alma turned to Edgar for justification in terminology. The doctor nodded.
"Yeah, you all are the only children here," said Edgar. "You all get along now, all right? Rima, we're going to be starting your tests tomorrow, so relax today with the others, all right? Alma, Yuu, show her around."
"Sure!" said Alma cheerily. "Rima, this is the cafeteria, where we get stuff to eat—it's good! I had mayonnaise yesterday, which was awesome—"
"Shut up," said Yuu dryly. "No one wants to listen to you."
"Hey! Just because you're a sour, bitter person who hates the world doesn't mean that you can make me—"
"Shut up," repeated Yuu.
A laugh. Coming from the girl.
Again, it was weird. The same…refreshing sound. Yuu stopped speaking to look at her.
She was smiling, her little hand covering her face almost in embarrassment as she caught his eye.
Sunshine smile.
"Sorry," she said apologetically. "Rima…just thought it was funny…"
Yuu just shook his head and walked away, feeling out of sorts. She was weird. Just weird.
"Does Rima scare you?" said a female voice from the dark.
Yuu bolted up, his eyes wildly searching for its source.
The weird girl was sitting right across from him on his bed, her eyes staring straight at his stunned and confused expression. She laughed again, generating the same strange feeling in his chest, and waved slightly.
"Sorry," she said. "Yuu-chan just doesn't seem to like Rima very much…"
"Why do you talk like that?" he snapped.
"…What?"
"Like…" Yuu struggled to find the words. "You're talking like a…a kid or something—not like the doctors, or like me and Alma—you just sound weird."
"But…Rima is a kid…" she said, sounding a bit hurt.
"No," he said unkindly. "We're not kids, or whatever. We're Apostles. Get it straight. Stop talking like a moron."
"I'm not a moron," she said, tints of anger creeping into her voice, making it sound more normal.
"That's better," muttered Yuu, straightening up and leaning against his pillows. "What do you want?"
"Never mind," she said coolly, getting off the bed. "Alma-chan is much nicer."
"Yeah, that's what I hear a lot," said Yuu wryly. "Go bother him—he'd be more than happy to play with you."
But Rima didn't leave the room; she just stood in the center of it, looking at him with an expression that mixed hurt feelings with pout.
"What?" said Yuu, annoyed. "I'm not going to play with you—go away."
"Why doesn't Yuu-chan like me?"
"Because you're a moron."
"Why?"
"Because you just are."
"Why?"
"I don't know!" he said angrily. "You were just made that way!"
"Yuu-chan's a…an idiot," she said sourly.
"Why do you call me that?"
"Because Yuu-chan was made that way."
"No, not idiot! 'Yuu-chan!'" he said with revulsion. "That's disgusting."
"Rima is being polite."
"That is not polite."
"Yuu-chan is rude."
"Shut up," he said, aggravated, sinking back into a reclining position and turning away. "Go to sleep. You'll need it."
"Rima's not tired."
"Too bad."
"It's too cold for Rima to fall asleep."
"Suck it up and go to bed."
"Can Rima sleep with Yuu-chan?"
Yuu turned around, horrified.
"No!"
"But it's dark and scary."
"Go away."
Rima ignored him and approached the bed, climbing onto it and slipping underneath the covers.
"Much warmer," she said after a few seconds of Yuu's stunned silence.
"No!" he said indignantly. "Get out, you moron! You have your own bed!"
"Goodnight," she said, her voice already indicating that she was close to slumber.
"Get out," he said lethally.
There was no answer.
Yuu stared at her, furious, and tried to push her off the bed. After a few easy shoves, she was tottering on the edge of the mattress, completely oblivious to the painful contact that she would experience with the cold floor seconds later.
Just as she was falling, though, Yuu grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her back safely on the mattress. Something just seemed wrong about letting her fall. And when he thought to how she would react with the testing the next day, he simply pulled her securely on the bed, letting her body rest closely to his for warmth.
Maybe after testing, she would not be so incredibly weird.
"Stop crying."
"It…" A hiccup. "It hurts…"
"I know it does," he said. "Stop crying."
"B-but…Rima…Rima wants Okaa-san…"
"I don't know who that is," said Yuu sourly, nursing his own wounds as the two of them sat against a pillar in the room full of holes. "Stop whining. It'll just make them angrier."
She didn't answer, instead hiccupping amidst her sobs, her small shoulders shaking as she buried her head in her bloody hands. Yuu sighed, nearly used to the pain by now, and simply stared at her. He could not blame her—it had only been a week since the testing had started. And for some reason, she took to the Innocence much worse than he or Alma did. Something about Rima just radiated "weak," and he could feel the faint vestiges of sympathy stir inside him as he watched her simply cry.
"Stop crying," he repeated. "If you don't stop, I'm not letting you stay with me tonight."
The sobs audibly decreased, letting Yuu release a long drawn breath that he had not been aware he was holding.
They sat in silence. Times with Rima were generally quiet, a nice and drastic contrast from the energy-filled fights and banter with Alma. Rima was weaker. Softer. Needier. She did not have the same surplus of energy that Alma had. Sometimes, all she needed was a good few hours of leaning on Yuu's shoulder, quiet and unmoving, as they just sat. Doing nothing.
She did the same now, leaning on his shoulder and breathing quietly.
He glanced down at her and saw that she was smiling. He let out a sigh and looked away.
Still weird.
"Why does Rima have a mother?" said Yuu to Edgar one day spontaneously.
The doctor turned to Yuu, bemused.
"What do you mean?"
"I thought you said Apostles came from holes," Yuu explained. "But Rima says she has—or had—a mother. And father."
"Well, yes," said Edgar, visibly uncomfortable. "She did have parents…"
"…So she's not an Apostle?"
"Well, no, she is technically one—"
"Then why didn't she come from a hole in the ground?"
"Because she's…" Edgar seemed to be struggling to find a decent explanation. Yuu's dark eyes narrowed.
"She's a human like you, right?" said the boy. "Why is she being synchronized with the Innocence?"
"Yuu, what's up with all the questions today?" said Edgar in a desperate attempt to change the subject. "It's not like you to stick up for someone."
"I'm not sticking up for her," he said defensively.
"Then do you like her?"
"No," said Yuu stubbornly.
"Then why all the questions?"
"…I'm just trying to see why she's weird."
The strangest thing about Rima was that she got along better with Yuu than she did with Alma. Why in the world that was the case, Yuu didn't know. All he did know was the Rima was considerably quieter when Alma and his animated chatter were around. She also did not cry as much in front of Alma. She didn't talk with him at night. The whispers and words that Yuu and Rima shared remained a secret from Alma; Rima never mentioned it, and Yuu, antisocial and outwardly annoyed, did not see a need to bring it up.
The occasionally interlocked hands were a secret between them two, and them two alone.
At the rate things were going, Rima was really not the only weird one anymore.
He was listening in on the doctors as they talked.
"Yuu was asking…odd questions today," said Edgar.
"Like what?" said Twi Chan.
"…He seems to know that there is something distinctively different between him and Rima."
Twi Chan didn't answer. Edgar continued speaking.
"He knows that Rima shouldn't be undergoing the tests…"
"It's orders, Edgar," said Twi Chan. "There's really nothing we can do about it."
"I know," he answered heavily. "It's just…it's bad enough making these…kids, Apostles though they are, synchronize with the Innocence. But to just get a random girl who has a faint percentage of accommodation with the Innocence…it just seems a bit too…cruel."
"…It really is a stupid idea," said Twi very quietly.
"So…"
"It's a war, Edgar," she said curtly, any traces of regret in her voice disappearing. "Sacrifices are…necessary."
"She's a child."
"The Innocence is indiscriminate in its choices."
"It's not a choice right now—we're forcing it on them!"
"Edgar, please!"
Edgar heaved a sigh and didn't reply. Yuu could sense the discomfort in the room, and held his breath, waiting for the continuation of the conversation.
"I can't do anything about it," said Twi firmly. "She's making progress—she's gaining the regenerative properties that Alma and Yuu have, and I'm pretty certain that sooner or later, she'll be on par with them. For the time being, we will continue the tests."
"But she's a human."
"Technically, so are Alma and Yuu."
"It's not the same—"
"Edgar. Drop it, please."
He did, much to Twi's relief, it seemed. But Yuu sat outside the room, listening all the same, thinking. Rima was different. Did she know? She had spaced out through all the lectures Edgar had given her about the holes; she seemed to think that they were all the same. All came from parents.
Yuu pursed his lips. Maybe it was better for her if he kept quiet, and let her feel like she was the same. She had enough trouble coping with the fact that she was just so much weaker.
The sword pierced through the skin so easily. So effortlessly.
A downward slash, a crumpling figure. The Innocence was fastened to his arm like it was part of his limb, guiding him to fight, survive, to live.
To slaughter.
Alma had to die. He had gone crazy. It had been a kill or be killed situation.
But Yuu could not stop that sensation of irrepressible culpability from inundating his senses, could not stop the tears that never came from suddenly coming. His feet moved, aimlessly, without purpose, and he arrived at the entrance to the division, as if guided by some unknown force out of the room that sponsored such massacre, the lingering scent of blood, the impending sense of demise.
A blue sky welcomed him. A gentle breeze, the soothing mechanical chirping of a few scarce birds from the trees that dotted the otherwise plain landscape.
He stood still amidst the rubble of the division, his body matted with blood, his eyes emptily looking at the serene scene in front of him. He heard steps behind him, pausing only a few feet away, but he didn't turn around. Only one person could lack so much of a battle aura.
They stood in their customary stagnant silence. Neither made a move to speak, to walk, barely to breathe. The tears just fell, trickling slowly down.
Yuu felt a hand slip into his. A cursory glance down at the contact, even blurred through tears, showed that the newcomer's hand was no less bloody than his. As if it had been drenched not in her own blood, but in someone else's.
Alma's, most likely.
Had it been symbolic? Could she think so deeply? To drench her hands in the blood of their friend, whom he had killed, was it representative of sharing the burden? Of standing alongside him, in guilt, in horror, in sin?
How could she have known?
For Rima had not been awake for a while. She had been unable to sustain the strenuous testing, and had been unconscious for two days.
She and Yuu must've woken up around the same time. As if on the same wavelength. Guided by a same purpose.
Perhaps it had just happened. A common purpose, guiding two separate bodies to wake, to move, to breathe, to live. Something along the lines of fate.
He didn't hold her hand back. Didn't grip it tightly. Just let it sit there loosely, making no movement to grasp the fingers caked in the sickening substance. A hand that mirrored his own.
And finally, she spoke. The same voice—raspier than before, but the same. The same refreshment. Cleansing. Sunshine.
And when she spoke, it was not with the same childish diction that she so normally used. It was the diction of those who had grown up.
"I'll be with you."
His hand unconsciously gripped hers suddenly. Her breath hitched, and she spoke one more word.
"Forever."
It was all a repeat, he had done the same thing—Alma's body, and now Rima's, sporting the wounds made from his Innocence, conducted by his hand—he had killed, again and again, the few people he cared for—stop it, stop it, stop—
Kanda's eyes snapped open; he bolted up from wherever he was lying, breathing harshly, his onyx eyes wildly scanning the room. Sterile, white walls, supposedly generating a security that didn't quite reach him; he was wearing an open cotton collared shirt, letting his bandaged chest come into contact with the somewhat chilly air. He continued his visual search of the room, his gaze finally landing on the figure who was sitting beside his bed, her head placed tentatively on the edge of the mattress with her arms crossed in front of her face.
Rima was asleep, her fingers interlocking loosely with his coarse ones, several strands of her hair fluttering up and down with every slow and steady breath she took in and let out.
Kanda stared at her, his mind hungrily devouring the signs that showed her irrefutable existence. It took several minutes for his heart rate to decelerate to normal, for his head to clear.
Rima did not stir, apparently deep in slumber.
Kanda let out a heavy breath, leaning back against the headboard of his creaking bed. His body ridden with lethargy, it took Kanda a few moments to realize that there was a dull, aching pain in his chest. He briefly remembered the Noah's arm stabbing him through, and shook his head. Again, back to the image of killing someone disguised as Rima—and though she was obviously alive right next to him, the repeating mental scenario did not leave a welcome taste in his mouth.
Cruel and unnecessary as it was, Kanda leaned over and shook Rima's shoulder lightly, trying to wake her up. She stirred with a groan, lifting her head up slowly as she shook her head in the familiar motion of ridding it from grogginess. Her mismatched eyes met his, lighting up after a few seconds of assessment.
"You're awake," she said, astonished.
"Yeah," he said. "How long have I been out?"
"Um…" She glanced at the clock that was ticking incessantly on the wall opposite of them. It was six forty-three a.m. "About six hours…I wasn't expecting you to wake up so early—your wound was awful…"
"I heal quickly," he reminded her.
"Your wound from Tyki didn't heal for weeks," she replied sourly.
"It was a clean stab this time," he said, groaning as he shifted his weight on the bed. "Regenerating organs is an entirely different process. How'd I get back? I thought I blacked out. I killed the Noah though."
"Apparently not," said Rima.
"What?"
"Mortally wounded her was more like it," she explained. "Allen and Lenalee said Road came seconds later and retreated with Lulubell—she wasn't dead though. Your team brought you back immediately for treatment, since the Ark's portal was relatively close. The mission was a success in itself—you managed to retrieve not one but two Innocence…perhaps that was why your platoon was so large."
"Seriously?" he said, sighing as he stared at the ceiling. "I didn't even manage to kill her…damn."
"You should be glad you got out alive," said Rima, running a hand through her hair as she looked at him in relief. "This has not been the first time that you've come from a mission on the brink of death, Yuu."
Kanda didn't reply, focusing on a single, concentrated exhalation, calming himself down. Rima didn't speak, letting him regain his focus and senses, and waited until he opened his eyes and looked at her to continue the conversation.
"Allen and Lenalee," she said slowly, "said something rather…strange about your fight."
"…What?"
"They said…" Rima paused, hesitating.
"Spit it out."
"They said that Lulubell took…my image to fight you," she said in a rush.
Kanda's heartbeat unwillingly accelerated again, but he didn't look away from Rima's steady gaze.
"She did," he admitted.
"…Are you all right?"
"Why wouldn't I be? It wasn't you."
Rima paused again, her eyes probing his for another explanation, a different response.
"I'm fine," he said indifferently.
Her expression clearly defined disbelief.
"I am," repeated Kanda impatiently. "You're alive. I didn't kill you. I'm fine."
"Ah…all right then…"
It was obvious that she didn't believe him still. And it was crucially apparent what she was worried about—what images she suspected he was replaying in his head.
Which he was. For those long six hours, he had been reliving the past, all the scenes of the dark start to his life, down to the very last moment that he was finally able to walk out of that basement of a division, into the sun, under a clear sky.
"I…was just thinking," she said softly, "if you…um…"
Her hand brushed a strand of his hair, tucking it behind his ear. Rima's words faltered, and she sat back in her seat, unsure of how to phrase her sentence. After the constant warnings on Kanda's part to no longer mention Alma or the Synthetic Disciple Project, it seemed that Rima was uncertain of bringing it up again for fear of disturbing him.
"I'm fine," he said with warning finality.
Rima caught it, and pursed her lips.
"Very well," she said stiffly, sliding back to the edge of her seat and crossing her arms.
Kanda let out his umpteenth sigh and reached out, his hand touching the top of her head as he ruffled her hair gently.
"Worried?" he said lightly.
"No," said Rima stubbornly, knocking off his hand.
"I'm fine."
"I didn't ask."
"Rima, stop being immature."
She glared at him, her lips thinning into one single line.
"I am worrying about you," she said evenly. "I am also trying to respect your wishes, but you're making both very hard."
"What did I do? All I subtly told you was to drop the question because I already knew what you were going to ask—I'm perfectly fine, I am not thinking about Alma or anything that happened before."
"The fact that you mentioned it means that you are mulling over it, and I'm just worried that you're going to end up blaming yourself for it all over again. I…wanted to make sure your mental state was fine…"
"I…"
The dull pain increased in his chest abruptly, causing him to wince. Rima saw and stood up, bringing a hand over to the wound and prodding the bandaged area slightly.
"Still hurts?" she asked.
"Somewhat," he said vaguely.
She sat down next to him on the mattress and began to untie the bandages; he stopped her from unraveling them. When she gave him an inquisitive look, he just shook his head.
"You don't need to change the bandages—it's fine," said Kanda. "You…are you all right?"
"Yeah," she replied, somewhat taken back with the question. "I'm fine. My mission was easy."
"Good," he said, relief washing over his face belatedly.
Rima looked at him anxiously, but he avoided her gaze and turned the other way. He still could not shake off the feeling of guilt, even though the person he had stabbed had not been her.
She understood, it seemed, for her arms slinked around his shoulders in a loose embrace, and she laid her head down on his shoulder. Kanda could feel her soft breaths linger on his neck.
Even though he made no movement to return the embrace, his head unconsciously settled on hers, and he could feel his eyes close as comfort graciously returned to his internal atmosphere.
"I'm here," Rima said quietly. "I'll always be with you. Don't worry."
The silence stretched on.
He kept having nightmares. Kept seeing the same thing in his sleep: first killing Alma, then Rima. It troubled him, woke him up the instant he saw Rima's body hit the ground, cold and lifeless, covered in blood.
It had already been a week since his return from Ankara. Rima and Kanda had been sleeping in their own respective rooms, not for any particular reason, but just because it had seemed to be the best course of action. Sleeping alone, sadly enough, was unsettling. He could not rest easy. His nightmares haunted him, leaving him pale, drawn, and haggard in the morning. He could always feel Rima's concerned eyes on him, but he made no movement to explain, especially after he'd spent so long adamantly insisting that he was quite fine. Likewise, Rima didn't press the subject, simply giving him a cup of steaming green tea first thing in the morning along with a revitalizing smile.
Kanda breathed in deeply as he leaned his perspiring head against the pillows. His eyes found the clock ticking on the wall: it was four thirty six in the morning. His shaded window showed that the sun had not even risen yet—it was still dark.
Kanda rolled out of bed, shaking his head and shuddering slightly at the chilly air. He needed to wash his face of the sweat; it was disconcerting to himself to see how easily shaken he was…
He opened the door to the joint bathroom that he and Rima shared, startled to see that Rima was sitting on the sinks' counter, presumably waiting for him.
"Why are you awake?" he questioned, stunned.
"Couldn't sleep any longer," she responded.
"So you decided to just sit in the bathroom?"
"I heard you get up."
Kanda didn't know what else to say, so he turned to his sink and twisted the handle, letting the ice cold water run over his hands before splashing it onto his face, letting the cool beads of water mix with the perspiration.
He looked up at his reflection, exhausted with the constant lack of sleep. Rima was watching him intently; Kanda turned to face her, taking the towel that she offered and drying his face.
"Why have you been sleeping poorly?" asked Rima.
"I don't know," he lied.
"…What have you been dreaming about?"
"Nothing."
"…You can stop lying. No one is here who would judge you for a lack of…manliness."
He glared at her, eliciting a small amused smile from her.
"If you won't tell me," she continued, "do you want me sleep with you?"
Kanda snorted. "Yeah, like that would solve anything."
"You're being an idiot, you know."
"Shut up."
He leaned his hands against the white marble counter, his gaze tracing over Rima's figure as he studied her. Her hands were folded on her lap, twisting the silk robe-like nightgown she was sleeping in. Her head was cocked to one side, her face showed no antagonism with his annoyed disposition at the moment.
"I'm going back to bed," he said shortly.
Kanda heard her laugh softly as she slipped off the counter, her footsteps following his into his room.
"Go away, Rima," he said as he climbed back on his bed.
"It's cold," she said slyly, slipping under the covers with him.
"You…"
But he could not bring himself to kick her out, especially when his muscles were already relaxing instinctively next to her body. Kanda brought a hand up to her hair and tousled it lightly, a physical sign of relenting to her presence.
The night was silent. He vaguely remembered wishing that time could've stopped, hoping that the second hand on that clock hanging across from him would freeze.
Peace.
It was such a relief.
Free Talk:
Ohhh dear. It has been a long, long time since I've updated this. For those of you who reviewed last chapter, thank you so much. Thank you also for waiting patiently for this update. As you probably know, I put this on hiatus because I had no idea what Hoshino was doing, and Kanda's backstory was really screwing up my plot, so I decided to wait for a while just to see if I could understand it any more.
To tell the truth, I still don't have any idea what's going on in DGM. =_= I confess that I seem to have a lot of drive for the manga, though not for the characters. And thus, I've decided to incorporate as much as I got out of the manga and tie it in as neatly as I can with this story, and make up the ending to finish. At this point, Alma's awakening is hardly any of my concern. :D So believe me, this will finish, and soon at that. I'm thinking another two or three chapters will wrap it up.
If there are any loose ends you feel that I'm neglecting, tell me so I can conclude them as best as I can. I have pretty much everything planned out, so hopefully this will finish well.
Thank you for being patient. :) Please review to welcome back GLSK! I'm quite glad to be updating again. :) So review!
xoxo,
m.n
P.S. I don't know if you guys know, but I have a Livejournal where I basically continue my Free Talk more in depth. I always post on it after an update, so feel free to look into it if you're interested. =) It might help.