Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story.

X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)

Chapter 36

I'm Sick

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked the second Bella stepped into the townhouse Rose and Emmett now shared. With Jackson in one arm, Rosalie pushed Bella's hair back to look at the bite mark Emmett had undoubtedly blabbed about. Bella didn't want to be reminded of it; she had spent enough time looking at it in the bathroom mirror at home. Thankfully, it was only slightly worse than some of the 'love bites' he'd given her in the past.

"Rose, really, it wasn't that big of a deal. The fact that he was drunk was the big issue...not that he was trying to kiss me."

"He pinned you to the wall!"

Bella raised an eyebrow and Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Okay, so that's not abnormal for you two but come on."

"Let it go, Rosalie," Bella pleaded. "He's on his way over with Lanie and I just..."

Knocking at the door interrupted her and she reached out to take Jackson from Rose so her best friend could play hostess. Emmett stumbled down the stairs as Alice came through the front door. Jasper was practically being pulled behind her while she carried a large bowl of salad. This seemed to spark Rosalie's memory and she turned to Bella. "You were in charge of dessert and rolls. I don't care about the rolls, Swan, but you know I'm a monster without my dessert..."

Bella just laughed and played with Jackson's fingers. "Relax, Hale. Lanie and I made homemade rolls and that strawberry shortcake creation Emmett claims he wanted to marry you over. It should be here soon."

"I'm glad Lanie's over whatever was going on with her the other night."

"We are, too."

"Poop!" Rose burst out. Bella tried to hide her amusement. Rosalie had always been known for her potty mouth and she was trying to compensate for it with words that were appropriate for her son's ears.

With a smirk, Bella shifted the baby and asked, "Do you have to go or..."

"No!" Rosalie cried. "Bells, I'm sorry. I didn't think..."

"About what?" If she didn't cut to the chase soon, Bella was going to end up slapping her.

"The wine! I bought wine and beer!"

"Yeah, you've lost me."

"Agreed," Emmett commented, giving Bella a big hug to say hello and checking out her neck cautiously. She had to refrain from rolling her eyes at him, knowing her friends were just concerned for her.

"Edward! He can't have it!"

Emmett looked at Bella again before turning to his wife, "Rosalie, it's fine. He can have a glass of wine or a beer...if he wants it..."

"He won't," Edward spoke up, coming through the door. Rosalie immediately turned red and Bella hugged Jackson to her, wishing she could take the pain out of Edward's expression. The way his face lit up when he pushed the door open enough to see her, though, brought her a little relief.

"Edward, I'm sorry," Rosalie frowned.

"Jacks!" Lanie exclaimed, pushing past Edward to get over to where Bella was holding the baby.

Edward's face noticeably fell again but Bella passed Jackson over to the awaiting girl and walked over to wrap an arm around Edward's waist. He kissed her forehead and whispered a hello before moving down to kiss her cheek. The smile that spread across her face was a ridiculous one and she leaned into him. "I love you," she whispered softly in reply.

"Okay, okay, you two!" Alice laughed, pulling them back to the roomful of people around them.

"Yeah, really," Lanie cringed.

"How do you put up with this all the time, Lanie Mae?" Emmett asked, nudging her arm. Bella knew Lanie wanted to tell him to quit calling her that but they both knew that Emmett would never stop...and neither would Edward.

Lanie, to Bella's amusement, just shrugged. "I ignore them. They act like I don't realize that they're making out in the next room."

Alice and Rosalie laughed at that one and Jasper just gave Edward a pat on the back. "She's not a kid anymore, man."

"Alright, let's eat, wife!" Emmett proclaimed, heading for the kitchen.

"Ew..." Lanie cringed, holding the baby away from her a little.

Rose gave her a knowing smile. "He always does this right when we want to sit down to dinner..."

"I've got him," Bella said, reaching out to take him back in her arms. "Rose, I know you have stuff to get ready in the kitchen."

While the rest of them high-tailed it out of the little foyer when the topic of a dirty diaper was breached, Bella and Edward were left alone. That strange, pained expression returned to Edward again and Bella shifted Jackson to her other arm. "You okay?"

"Yeah..."

"Alright," she said slowly, a little concerned. "I'll be right back down after a quick visit to the nursery."

"Bella, wait."

She turned back and saw him swallow hard. "I wouldn't have room at the apartment for a nursery..."

"Um..."

"Never mind. I'm sorry. He's probably uncomfortable."

"Edward," she began but decided that now was not the time to have this discussion again. Instead, she finished her sentence with, "Go save me some of that fresh bread."

Edward was having trouble focusing. There was conversation all around him but the only thing he could think about, as was normal, was Bella and how he was changing her future. She loved him. She loved him enough to stay by his side even after what he did. Despite their discussion yesterday, she had still made it clear that she would not yet roll out children. This concerned him maybe more than any other part of the situation they were in. He supposed, if he could get his shit together, that it wouldn't be a horrible thing. He still couldn't imagine holding a child he helped create in his arms but he couldn't bring himself to think of it as a bad thing.

The image she had drilled into his head the day before, of her and Jacob together made his hands shake as he picked up his water glass. He had never hated a man he barely knew before. Jacob didn't deserve hate, if anything, he was a pretty good guy. Still, if the guy so much as winked at Bella, Edward wouldn't be able to stop himself from throwing a punch. The possibility that she could end up marrying Jacob made him crazy. The idea that she could have the guy's baby, or the simple fact that they did the deed that would give her that baby, made him feel like he could murder someone. Never in his life had he ever felt this possessive. This girl brought every basic male instinct out in him.

"Edward, you okay?" Jasper asked from across the table as he realized everyone else was already helping themselves to seconds and he'd only drank two glasses of water. Bella chose to come back in then, baby in her arms, and his focus was drawn to her.

"Eddie, what's up?" Lanie asked, interest peaked now that he ignored Jasper and was obviously staring at Bella. He tried to control himself.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

Just as he said it, Rosalie was pulling the cork from the fresh bottle of wine and he swallowed hard. The idea of drinking was a little too...comforting to him. Fighting to keep the bile that was rising in his throat, he put his head in his hands and covered his eyes. He would not break down in front of his friends and definitely not in front of Alana. He thought about having just one glass, like Emmett had said seemed to be acceptable, but realized that it wouldn't be just one glass. He'd need another because Bella had given everything for him and he couldn't leave her. He loved her and wanted her to be his forever and that thought pained him.

He contemplated that drink again. Just one. It would make things easier to figure out. He gulped down a little more water and that's when it hit him. His mother's face as she looked at him in confusion, slurring her words, covered in her own vomit. That was what she had always told him-she only had one glass or she only needed one more. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Edward realized what he had done. He'd given in to the disease. After years of fighting it, of telling himself he was above it, he'd let it into his system. In just a few months, his outlook on alcohol had changed completely. Trying to suppress the lump in his throat, he put his hands back to his face and tried to keep breathing normally. I'm an alcoholic.

Suddenly, a hand touched his leg and it startled him enough to turn to her. Bella was leaning into him, the hand on his leg was holding her up and she was leaning in to whisper something to him. "I love you." As if there was too much tension building up in his body and that just added to it, he literally felt himself shudder. Standing quickly, he walked around the table where his friends were enjoying each other's company and strode towards the bathroom.

As the dry heaves began, he heard the door open with no preliminary knock and glanced up from the porcelain bowl to see the love of his life with wide, worried eyes. "Bella, go. I'll be out in a minute..."

"I brought you some more water. Do you need me to..."

"I need you to...leave," he choked before another wave of heaving struck him. He knew it came out harsher than he'd intended. Still, he did want her to let him have some privacy. She didn't need to see him like this. He had to pull himself together.

"Here, just let me..." she persisted, stepping towards him and beginning to kneel down beside him.

"Bella, just stop!"

She leaned back away from him now, looking like she'd been slapped as he knelt there pitifully over the toilet. She didn't leave, though. She just knelt beside him, frozen at his words. He decided to let her stay there. If she insisted on seeing him like this than he was done trying to stop her. Tears of frustration and humiliation slid down his cheeks. He had no idea how long he sat there like that before he felt Bella's arms pulling him away from the still-clean-toilet and closing the lid. He was sobbing and had no idea how long he'd been doing so.

"Edward, do I need to take you to the hospital..."

"I need help, Bella," he whispered, disappointed with himself.

"Okay," she said with conviction, touching his face and wiping away some of the wetness on his cheeks. "Is it your stomach? You're completely white."

He realized then that she had meant did he need the emergency room. "I'm sick..."

"I know, baby," she replied, getting closer to him. The sorry son of a bitch that he was let her and he even let himself lean into her chest when she pulled him into her. She knelt there like that beside him, smoothing his hair down.

"No, I mean... Oh, God, Bella. I love you and Lanie so much."

"Shh. I know. I'm right here."

"I fucked up. God, I fucked up so bad. What the hell am I supposed to do to fix this?"

"We found a therapist that you agreed to start seeing. We'll call her tomorrow if you'd like. I still owe Lanie a shopping trip to get that Homecoming dress. I'll take her while you go see the guy. Edward, is it bad? I mean, I know how bad you were last night and I know you are obviously sick but...like...what are we dealing with here?"

The anxiety in her voice told him what she wanted to know. He couldn't lie to her. He had been able to not mention certain things but just blatantly lying was not something he was good at-or okay with-when it came to her. Unable to look at her, he pulled away and leaned back against the wall. He never felt so disappointed in himself in his entire life. He was going to end up letting his sister down-as if he hadn't already with what happened the night before. All he could bring himself to say was, "It's bad, Bella."

She didn't judge or slap him. Instead, she nodded and took his hand in her own before responding. "Okay. We're going to fix this."

"I don't know what to say to Lanie."

"What do you want to say to her?"

"Nothing. I fought this situation for years, Bella. Years. I fucking knew that if I started to drink that I could suffer the same fate as my mother. I let it happen. How do I tell her that I'm having the same problem with the thing that killed her mom?"

"Use that, Edward. You have fought it. I know you can keep fighting and I know that the person you are when you drink is not you."

"I'm sorry I got you sick," Lanie cringed when he came back into the kitchen and sat down at his place. Bella never let go of his hand and he ended up choking down some of the salad and potatoes that were already on his plate while using his left hand. The adults around the table all gave him a bunch of mixed looks ranging from sympathy to hesitation. They knew what had happened wasn't about the stomach flu. He caught Bella throwing a glare in the direction of Rosalie.

Making a mental note to talk to the blonde bombshell, Edward managed to get down most of his food and even a little of Bella's dessert, that she insisted on feeding to him from her fork. The conversation eventually turned to one of their typical inside jokes and everyday discussions. He tried his hardest to join in and smile once in a while but he was still struggling with his new reality.

"Want to go for a walk?" Bella asked, setting down her fork after her plate was scraped clean.

He was about to say about not wanting to leave Lanie hanging but Rosalie jumped in, knowing that Edward and Bella needed some time. "Lanie, do you want to look through some of your Uncle Em's baby books?"

"Yes!"

Unlike anyone else faced with that embarrassing possibility, Emmett just clapped his hands once and nodded. "Hell yeah. I was adorable, Lanie Mae!"

"As long as everyone puts there dishes into the dishwasher. No groaning. I cooked and you all know how to load the thing," Rosalie announced over Emmett's excitement.

When the kitchen was cleaned up, Bella led him over a few blocks and towards a more populated area where a few local shops were. It was warm and Bella pulled her sweatshirt off to reveal one of his t-shirts underneath. "Will I ever get all of my clothes back?" he asked her, giving the first genuine smile since dinner.

"Will I quit wearing them? No. Will they be back under your roof someday? Yes. When we're living together."

"We will be. I don't know quite when but I swear to you, we will be together for as long as you want it."

"You gonna make an honest woman out of me, Cullen?"

Edward gave a playful laugh, "As if I could, you little Tomcat in the sack. You know, you really had me fooled."

"Fooled?" Bella asked with a laugh.

"Yes. When we met you were in the most conservative clothes..."

"I teach sixth grade!"

"...and you and Rose both fed me the crap that you were shy and quiet..."

"What are you trying to say?" she grinned.

"That you're not afraid to tell me exactly what you want in the bedroom or when I need to get my shit together."

"You did this!" Bella accused, poking him in the chest with a smile on her face. They had quit walking and were facing each other now. "You made me into some...sex kitten..."

That got an odd look from an older couple that was passing them by. He watched them walk by and started laughing again. Suddenly, though his smile faded into a frown. "I never meant to change who you were, Bella."

"You made me better. I love that I met you and that you let me get to know you. I had no idea when I took my job that because of one little girl, my entire world would change. You became one of the most important things in my life."

"You have to admit, though. Your life would be much easier without me in it. You'd be married and planning a family, not dealing with a man who has commitment issues and is dealing with an unhealthy addiction."

"I love you. I am planning a family: you, Lanie and I. Even if it would have just been you and I, we would be each other's family." They were both quiet for a few seconds before Bella asked. "Speaking of babies, have you spoken to Tanya since she called me?"

"No. Bella, there's no chance that kid is mine. I may be a shitty boyfriend but I promised you I'd be faithful and I have been."

"I'm shocked she hasn't called you...eighty times a day."

"She's been texting me but I won't answer any of them. She has yet to tell me anything about the baby. All she says is she needs me to call her. I'm not going to do it. She knows that kid isn't mine and when she came to you about it, that was far enough. I want nothing to do with the situation."

"That poor kid. That's all I keep thinking about. I think of what your parents did to you because of drugs and alcohol and it makes me so scared for her little one."

Edward snorted. "Could you imagine? If this was my kid, which it isn't, history would likely repeat itself with the alcohol not the abuse... No. It wouldn't. I wouldn't let him or her get hurt, not the way that I was."

"I know you wouldn't. You've kept Lanie safe all these years. You'd never let something happen to your own child. I trust that implicitly."

"Are you free the night Lanie's going to that dance? There's somewhere I want to take you. I've been...meaning to take you there for awhile but...yeah. What do you say? Will you go with me?"

"Yeah. Of course. We should be heading back, though. I have a few things to do for school yet and Lanie said that she has a paper to work on."

They made there way back to the McCarty's without a word of the doom and gloom they were both feeling behind their stoic faces. If it was true that love conquers all, that theory was going to be put to the test. Edward had at the very least, a promise that needed to be made. Bella couldn't slip through his fingers again. He would trust her to make the decision of whether or not she wanted to be with him.

If he was going to get himself better, he needed to know he had her and Lanie both there. It gave him something to work towards. As much as he wanted to continue in the circular path of him pushing her away and her coming back to him because he felt bad about the shitty deal she was getting, he knew she was a grown woman. If she wanted to walk, no matter the result of the upcoming weekend, he'd let her go and understand why.

I hope you all enjoyed it! It would have been up a bit sooner but on account of a True Blood season premiere party it didn't quite happen. This chapter was a little bit chill but I think we needed it. Things get exciting, mostly for the good, next week. Stay tuned and review ;) Letzy xx