XXXVI.
To Remain

Mary felt her heart hammering in her chest as she led Edward through the jungle. He followed without question. She could sense that he was curious, that he wanted to know but he never opened his mouth. It was far away from the village – where she would want to be if she had been the one to… Soon the trees broke and opened into a small clearing. There was a small stream that split the clearing in two and the shadows cast down on it were long this morning. It looked almost gloomy and forbidden, but maybe that was just because of what the place meant to Mary. What it would mean to Edward. She stopped, Edward stopped beside her, looking at the clearing in clear shock.

"Mary…" Edward gasped her name, agony tearing through his voice. In the shadows was a single stone, a single grave marker. Mary walked over it, stepping carefully across the stream. She kneeled down before it, placing her hands in her lap for the moment, and looked back at Edward. She gave him a sad smile but then looked at the grave marker again.

"She was a sweet little thing. I had never been able to hold my son but I got to hold her. She looked so sour at being born into this world. I don't blame her, with all she had to go through before she was even brought into it." She felt a tear run down her cheek. She reached out and touched the grave marker with her hand. Edward was beside her suddenly, touching the stone too, his hand over her's. His hand was bigger than her's though, it covered her's and was able to touch the stone softly, almost in reverence.

"Who…who was her father?" He asked very softly but he knew. He knew when she brought him here.

"I wanted it to be Daniel…I wanted it to be him because he wanted the baby to be his so bad" She closed her eyes. She sensed Edward waiting; he wanted her to say it, to confirm it because unless she put the words out there, unless she made it real it wasn't real and he could pretend he wasn't. Unless she said it to him, right now, he could live his life as if it wasn't true. "She had sandy blonde hair, just like her father"

She could see Edward's sand-colored hair from the corner of her eye. She saw it tremble, as if Edward himself were trembling. Her heart ached to say this. She didn't want to but she had to. He was waiting to hear it. He had to hear it, just as she had to say it. Her heart trembled, grief swallowing it whole.

"You were here father, Edward." As soon as the words left her mouth, she saw Edward's shoulders shake just a little. He pulled his hand away from her's. He was trying to hold his grief in but she knew – Jaysus, how she knew - it was hard. She removed her hand from the grave and wrapped both arms around Edward. He leaned his head into her shoulder. A choked sob escaped his mouth. She felt the tears on her face and she held him closer, tighter, fighting to keep her own sadness locked in her chest.

They stayed like that for a long time, comforted even in their time of grief.

March 1721

Edward, Ah Tabai, Ade and her all stood on the deck of the Jackdaw. Mary was off to the side a little but listening well enough. She was dressed much as she had once before, though it was clear she was no longer wearing her binding corset from the way her breasts showed. If that wasn't enough, her hair was longer now. Long enough she kept it up, much like she had when she was pretending to be James Kidd, though it was getting much too long for that now. She was growing it out at Edward's request. She should have refused, but she couldn't find it in her heart to say no to him. She had her hands on her hips as she listened to the men.

"I know my targets by sight well enough." Edward was saying. "But how will I find them?"

Mary couldn't help but smile. He was still considered a novice in some ways after all. He glanced at her as if sensing her amusement. He took her one hand, hanging it away from her hip. She allowed it but rolled her eyes at him. He kissed her wrist gently, just brushing his lips against it and she shook her head at him, tugging to get her hand back. He didn't let go, a playful light sparkling in his eyes. Ah Tabai cleared his throat, drawing their eyes back to him.

"We have spies and informants in every city. Visit our Bureaus and the Assassins there will guide you." He didn't seem annoyed by their playful affection. In fact, Mary could almost sense that he approved of it.

Edward nodded his head. "That fixes Torres and Rogers…but Bartholomew Roberts won't be near any city. Might take months to find him" There was a longing in his voice as he said that.

"Or years" Edward flinched but Ah Tabai went on. "But you are a man of talent and quality Captain Kenway. I believe you will find him" He smiled at Edward and Edward smiled back.

"And if you're ever at a loss, do not be afraid to call on your quartermaster for aid!" Ade chipped in giving Edward a grin. Edward nodded, a smile on his face. He pulled on Mary's hand until she fell into his arms. She glared up at him, but she could hear Ade and Ah Tabai chuckling as they walked away. They were heading back to Tulum. Ade had something else to do...some mission of his own.

"Quartermaster! What's our present course?" She tugged herself out of his arms and walked up the stairs, him following after. She got to the top and leaned against the railing, a smile coming across her face.

"Due west, Captain, if it's still Kingston we're sailing for." She told him and he nodded.

"It is indeed, Miss Read" He walked over to his wheel and grabbed ahold of it. "Call it out"

She moved to the right of his wheel and leaned against the railing there, looking down at all the men. "Weigh anchor and let fall the courses, lads! We're sailing for Jamaica!" The men hopped to it and she watched for a moment before she sensed eyes on her. She glanced over at Edward, feeling a hot blush work its way up her neck and onto her cheeks. "What?"

"I've never seen you shine so bright, Mary. I'm happy you're here by my side." She felt her blush grow even hotter. He focused on piloting his ship for the moment before he spoke again. "So how's it feel to go from Captain to Quartermaster?"

"I was never truly a Captain." She told him. "While I was the one who captained Jack's ship, I was always just 'Mary' to them. Or well…I was 'James' at first I suppose."

"You went by James Kidd for a while there did you?"

"I did because it was what I was used to. I told Anne and Jack beforehand though"

"I know." She looked at him and him at her but then sighed. "I mean…I saw. Jack gave his blood to Rogers and I could see out of his eyes with the Observatory. I saw you about to tell them. I also saw in your eyes how you wanted to beat some sense into old Calico." They both had a chuckle and then they were silent a time. Edward spoke again after a spell. "So…the child of Anne's…It was Jack's?"

"Yes. They had a very…healthy relationship" She sighed at that. "He really loved her I think and she admired him at the very least. When he was hung she looked away though." She shook her head at the memory of her and her bitter words. "If Jack and the lads hadn't been passed out in the hold from drink, we would have won that day. We would have gotten away with it and avoided that awful prison. Daniel wouldn't have died…"

"Tell me about your Daniel" Edward's request was soft. It was clear she could refuse if she wanted to.

"He was a determined sort of fella. He was younger than me, much younger. He joined us on that last voyage, captured from another crew. He tried to kill me a few times and during the last attempt he cut my corset and just…well he found out. I did love him; I really did it my own way. He really wanted that child to be his though. He wanted it to be his so badly. I only wish…"

"You wish it had been his in a way" Edward didn't sound hurt by the comment though. He sounded like he understood. Edward had changed so much, it was hard for her to really accept that sometimes. She was so proud of him though, so proud he was finally finding his way.

"I do"

"I understand – he's dead, I'm alive. I have another chance, eh Mary?"

She rolled her eyes at him. He was being himself as usual. "I thought you were dead, most of that time. I ran into the Jackdaw but Ade was captaining it. He told me they abandoned you and…Christ it hurt Edward. I thought you would at least come back to me, or at least say goodbye before you left. You were gone and…I…."

"But I didn't die Mary. I didn't abandon you." His voice was comforting now. "I won't."

"You always were a stubborn one" She gave him a small smile. "And stronger than I ever imagined. I was right about you in the end…can't blame a woman for having a bit of pride in that"

"Yes and it took nearly losing you to realize what it would take to turn my life around." She waited, to see if he would go on and it was a while before he spoke again. She wasn't sure if he had been fighting an emotion or if he had been building courage but eventually he said "I stayed in Kingston for a spell after you and Ah Tabai left with Anne's…with Anne's body. I couldn't get the look of her, lying there dead and broken, out of my head. I thought God, what if that happens to Mary? And then I thought I can't live with that. And then I'd get pissed and I'd…I'd see things...people...you"

His voice faded off a little while, lost in his visions.

"I saw you, quite a bit, dressed up as James Kidd. You'd be so…so right in these visions. You told me what a lout I was, what mistakes I made. I'd try to tell you that I did it out of love; for you, for Caroline and you laughed at me. It hurt like hell, but in the end it woke me. I told you most of what I did was out of courage. Courage for what? You screamed at me…Christ Mary, you always knew didn't you? You always knew that someday I'd either wake up from my fantasy or I'd die." He was silent again. "I was afraid to look for you…that's why I drank so much I think. I was afraid to come and find out you were dead and that I had failed you."

"Failed me?"

"It don't matter anymore. You're here, I'm here and we're going to set things right. Finally"

"Finally" She agreed in a soft voice. He gave her a tight smile. She just glanced down at the men who were working to keep the ship sailing. They were tending to different things and singing some sea shanty but she hadn't bothered to listen until now.

"Don't be so glum, Mary! Our adventure isn't over quite yet!" Edward said in faux cheer.

"Rodgers is the first on our list right?" She asked.

"Aye, he is, Miss Read." He said, winking at her. She had to laugh, but even that was short lived. Edward smiled though at the sound of her laugh. She smiled at the sight of his smile. Things were going to get better. They had to believe that. There was no doubt that they could get worse, but she wanted to believe they would find their way.

She looked at Edward as he sailed, the sun highlighting his light hair. The hair that their daughter would have grown up with…She felt bad thinking that, thinking about their daughter knowing he had a wife he was planning on returning to. She knew he at least a letter to her a year – but he had stopped in 1719 due to him ending up in prison. He had told her, once upon a time during their pillow talk, that it had been Caroline who had taught him his letters to begin. He had a lot to thank her for. He had taken her for granted and she never wrote a single one of his letters back. He deserved that, she knew that was what he thought now. He deserved silence. He deserved to return home and find her with another man, carrying another man's name. Mary hoped that was not the case, he deserved some happiness.

But sadly, Mary had no idea what that mean for her. If Edward returned to Caroline, where did that leave him? He would be with his wife and she would be…where? She supposed she would remain here in the West Indies. There was less chance of her ever seeing him again then. She couldn't see him again if he returned to her. It would only break her cracked heart once more. She had already been shattered, nearly losing herself, after the death of her second husband and the loss of her daughter. Her fragile heart could take no more.

Yet here she was.

She cast her eyes down, ashamed of herself. She knew she was fragile and yet here she was, by Edward's side, unable to leave him. Love is going to be the death of me. She thought bitterly. Somehow, I still want to be happy.

Edward glanced over at her, she saw his head move. "Are you alright Mary?"

"Just thinking" She answered.

"Ah. A most dangerous occupation, especially for the two of us. Why don't you go talk to some of the crew? Assess their mood for me? I know there may be some bitter feelings over what happened at the Observatory. I hold none of course, but…best to make sure there's not a sniff of mutiny right?" He gave her a smile and she smiled back, just a little. That was just like Edward, to find something for her to do to keep her mind off the more dangerous subjects.

And how dangerous they were. She was just going to have to keep her mind off them for now. She had time, they had time and she would figure out how to say goodbye again without breaking her own heart too badly. She would have the Assassins yet after all. She would still have a purpose. She would still have a chance at life and love but she doubted she'd ever love again. Three failed relationships was all she needed, thank you very much. Mary Read just wanted to get through these times with some dignity intact.

So she walked down the steps and towards the crew, putting a proud smile on her face. It was fake but it was put together well enough it was hard to tell. She was shining though, happy to be on the sea again. Happy to be by the man she, foolishly, loved.