Chapter 36
Kirk, Spock, and Young met the Vulcans in the transporter room. After the ritual salute, Spock made the introductions.
"Captain Young, Captain Kirk, may I present the Healers, Srael, T'Mai, and Stelok. May you live long and prosper."
Srael spoke for them. "Thank you, Spock. Peace and long life for you as well."
Young took over host duties. "Welcome aboard. If you will come this way, we can talk in a more comfortable environment. I regret that ship's temperature is not closer to your planet's norm, but we can at least sit down."
"Of course, Captain. After you."
Spock and Kirk brought up the rear.
*You didn't tell me one of them was female.*
*I did not think it relevant. As a matter of note, they cannot hear what we say, but they sense the link in the air.*
*Whether or not we say anything?*
*I believe it is stronger with spoken thoughts.*
*So does that mean you don't want me to say anything?*
*Not necessarily. I am merely informing you.*
*For the sake of everybody else, let's keep most of it audible.*
There were over 20 people in the briefing room, including Perón, Sullivan and Randy. Kirk was overwhelmed. The Vulcans were shocked and not very happy. Young seated them at the front of the audience. The chairs for Kirk and Spock faced them, focusing the audience's attention on the two of them, rather than the Vulcans. Kirk sat down and tried to hide his amusement at their discomfort.
Srael addressed himself to Spock. "I hardly think this an appropriate environment for the subject we have come to discuss."
"I chose this environment for reasons that will become clear as we proceed."
"You, Spock, chose this?"
"I did, though I did not expect as large a response as this with only 21.7 minutes notice. Nevertheless, they are here because I invited them. You are here to learn. Do not be restricted because of the audience. Ask what you will, and we will answer."
"Very well. Please describe the procedure by which you established the link."
Spock launched into a detailed and technical explanation. Kirk studied the audience. Young was on the end of the front row. Perón and Sullivan were next to him. Then McCoy, M'Benga, and Chapel were directly behind the Vulcans. On the far right were Scotty and Tanzer. The second row contained Chuck and Randy, Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov, and Eric and Carl. The top row held four Science officers from Spock's department, Security Chief Thompson, and two of Scotty's engineers.
Srael began to ask questions about Spock's explanation. Kirk sensed he didn't believe Spock had done a proper job of it.
He interrupted. "Excuse me for asking a dumb question, but why don't you come see for yourself?"
Short silence. "Are you suggesting what I think you are?" Srael seemed incredulous.
"Yes. Why not? Is it dangerous? Are you afraid of us? Or am I just being rude and disrespectful?"
T'Mai stepped into the awkward gap. "Vulcans tend to be stiff and formal when discussing difficult topics. We are not afraid of you, nor is it dangerous. It did not occur to us that you would permit such a thing."
"Why wouldn't I?"
"The others in your position were very protective of their link. They would not consider joining with anyone else. I tried."
"You were with those who died," Kirk guessed quietly.
"Yes. That is part of why we are having trouble believing your link is the same. You are not behaving as we expected."
"We read the reports, so we're forcing ourselves to battle the avoidance stage. But even before that, we weren't protective of the link. So come, either or both of us, one or all three of you."
"Spock, does he speak for you as well?"
"Yes. We have nothing to hide. You are welcome."
Srael stood. "I will be brief, only looking at the structure of the link."
"Look at anything you want," offered Kirk.
Srael approached Spock, ignoring Kirk. "I must look at the link from both sides."
Spock stood to meet him. "It is not a problem. We are not afraid of you."
Srael placed his fingers on Spock's face, and Kirk heard their greetings. He felt Spock open himself to the probe. He was aware that this was much more difficult for Spock to do than Kirk found it. Nor was it painless. As Srael found and examined each point of the deep connection, he left behind a trail of agony, simply by touching the points. Kirk began to get an inkling of what the severing was going to feel like. He prayed for Spock.
Some ten minutes later, Srael withdrew, stared at Spock for a moment, took a deep breath to compose himself, and turned to Kirk, who stood and smiled warmly.
"Do you still consent to this?" Srael asked.
"Yes. Do not fear. Mine is not an organized, brilliant mind, but Spock finds it easy to mess with. You won't have any trouble."
Srael was startled and took a half-step backwards. "Did Spock tell you?"
"No. Tell me what?"
Srael turned back to Spock, who offered him an explanation of sorts.
"Jim Kirk is unlike other humans you may have encountered, just as I am unlike other Vulcans. That is why I do not know if you will learn anything here that will be applicable to others. Nonetheless, we do not forbid you to study. Please continue."
Srael stepped up to Kirk and initiated the contact.
*Welcome, Srael. Probe all you want, and don't worry about me. I'll be fine.*
*To defend the mind is instinctive. Yet you have no struggle against my presence or my purpose. Do you not know that I could destroy your mind?*
*The possibility had not occurred to me, but neither does it frighten me to contemplate it. I need no defense against you.*
Without further delay, Srael probed to the deep places. His touch was different than Spock's - more weight, less finesse. Not exactly heedless plowing, but not gentle. He wondered if each one's touch was unique. The agony of touching the connections was more intense, but he did not shrink from it, nor hinder Srael's progress. When he withdrew, Kirk opened his eyes and smiled. Srael stared for a moment, then returned to his seat.
"I concede it is a properly executed death link. My apologies, Spock. You were obviously thoroughly trained. However, I confess this meld has raised more questions than it answered. Nonetheless, I will address myself to the matter at hand. Tell us, if you would, what you have done about the avoidance stage. I understand the crisis for which you established the link was over several days ago."
Kirk replied. "We'll answer that, but first a couple of other things. What questions did the meld raise for you? Even if they do not appear to be related, they may help you to understand us, and therefore, understand how we deal with this. Secondly, I wonder if your colleagues would like a similar opportunity. There are things you can find out in a meld that are pretty hard to communicate in words."
So they repeated the operation with T'Mai and Stelok. T'Mai danced through his mind, and Kirk found himself laughing. Stelok was a surprise. His touch felt more like an ooze than a step. But he refused to go anywhere without an escort. With the others, Kirk had stepped back and let them do as they willed. Not Stelok.
*It is a matter of principle, Captain. I will go where you take me, but nowhere else.*
*If you insist, all right. I assume you want to see the connection points. Hang on, here we go!*
Kirk dived straight for the deepest levels. He found it was possible to experience self-inflicted mental agony. And the agony of his own touch was worse than that of the others. He fleetingly wondered why, but didn't bother to ask. It didn't really matter. After showing Stelok each connection site, they swam up to the surface. Kirk was reminded of the wells in the minds of First and his people. But this swimming was not overly long. En route he asked Stelok if there was anything else he wanted to see.
*Whatever you want to show me.*
*There's two things that might broaden your view of my relationship with Spock.*
He took Stelok to the site of the aching void of lost memories and replayed for him the making of that wound and the healing of it. Then he took Stelok to the site of the sea of agony where Spock had planted the seed of hate. He replayed that entire sequence so Stelok would get the perspective on why they had done what they had. Lastly, he showed him the healing that had occurred when he became a Christian.
*You are a remarkable person, Captain. Thank you for the parts of yourself that you have given me. I will cherish them.*
*You are welcome. But none of that's a secret. You can tell anyone you wish.*
*Anyone?*
*You heard me. No restrictions.*
Stelok was astonished. Kirk just laughed.
When Stelok had returned to his seat, Srael took up the questioning. "The others kept up a running mental conversation almost constantly. You do not. Why?"
Kirk let Spock field the question. "We agreed before walking into this room to keep our conversation audible for the sake of others present. However, other factors are at work as well. First, we understand each other quite well, and are comfortable with silence. Secondly, this is not a new and unusual experience for us. Not only has this link been in place for almost a week, it is not the first time we have been linked. Third, both during and after the crisis, we have been silent for hours at a time. The primary reason for this was to help Jim cope with the character of this link. During the first hours, he adjusted to the constant background noise of my thoughts. But it is difficult for him to focus on two separate conversations at once. Unless it is necessary, I do not talk to him when he is talking to someone else."
"I see. How do you tolerate being this close to an inferior mind?"
Kirk felt Spock fight a momentary anger at the attitude behind the question. He composed himself and tried to answer the real issue.
"Life is far more than a brilliant mind. In my travels, I have encountered many species, none more fascinating than human, and Jim, far more so, as he is by no means typical of his species. But my relationship with him is not based primarily upon curiosity. From the first days, I discovered that he valued me as a person, uniquely me, not as a Vulcan, or half-human, or any other category. He has never been afraid of me, or intimidated by my mental capacity or abilities. Jim Kirk is a very special friend, and the limitations of his mind sometimes hamper what we must do, but never decrease the value of our relationship."
"His mind is like that of a child. What do you find of value in a child's mind?" Srael continued his pointed questioning.
"In what way do you call his mind child-like?"
"The innocent trust, the lack of fear or defenses. He cannot comprehend what I could do to his mind."
"On the contrary, he does know what you could do. I have done it to him. I am somewhat surprised that you cannot distinguish between a child's mind that trusts because it has never been hurt, and an adult's mind that has been hurt many times, but chooses not to fear it."
Srael was momentarily set back, and T'Mai took over the questioning.
"I too, would have called his mind child-like, but not in the sense of simple, or ignorant. Rather, it felt a bit like a child's playground. He invited me to romp in it, and laughed when I did. Can you expound upon this part of his nature?"
"He laughed because he was joyful that you accepted his invitation. He did not expect you to be that free with him. Your touch felt like dancing to him. He likes you."
"Is that because I am a woman?" T'Mai tilted her head questioningly.
"No, although his enjoyment of the female gender is no secret. It is because you carry less baggage than Srael. You could learn to know him for who he is, not as a particularly annoying specimen of the human species."
Kirk laughed aloud at Spock's summation of Srael's opinion of him. T'Mai raised an eyebrow. Srael did not respond at all. Stelok took this opportunity to adjust the conversation.
"I would like to hear from Captain Kirk himself. You do not appear offended by the statements made about you. Please tell us what you think of all this."
"I have been letting Spock field the questions, because you are more comfortable talking to him than to me. I trust him to speak for me. Ask as many questions as you wish. The more you understand us, the better. And don't worry about offending me. I know who I am, and your approval or disapproval does not move me. Furthermore, I know Spock, and you will not move him with your disapproval either."
Srael found his voice. "Why do you think we disapprove?"
"I don't have to read your mind to know that. I imagine everybody in this room knows it. You disapprove of the audience. You think Spock is not acting like a proper Vulcan should. You regret that he was taught the mind disciplines at all, since he obviously doesn't know enough to keep them sacred. By which you mean, only for Vulcans. But if Spock hadn't been willing to use those skills for the good of others who were not Vulcan, this vessel and her crew would not be here. I further submit that if you cannot lay down your disapproval, you will not be able to learn anything from us, and you might as well go home now."
Kirk had been addressing himself directly to Srael. He had not raised his voice or given any other sign of anger. Nor was he angry. But Srael needed to get past his disapproval, and they didn't have time for political diplomacy. Srael held his gaze for several long moments. When he spoke, it was Kirk's turn to be astonished. It was in Old High Vulcan. Spock gave him an instantaneous translation.
"I am chastised. Forgive me. I submit to you, my teacher."
*Spock?*
*He is mocking you, pointing out to me that you are in no position to correct him. The proper action for you as his teacher is to initiate a meld wherein you will explain and show him his error. He knows you cannot do that. However, if you give me control of your hand, we could do it.*
*It's yours.*
Kirk rose and approached Srael, who could not hide his disbelief. He tensed to fight back, while not really believing Kirk could do this. Kirk half-raised his arm. Srael leaned backward.
"You spoke the words of submission. Do you retract them?" Kirk raised an eyebrow in Spock-like style.
Srael set his chin stubbornly. "No. You cannot do this."
"But if I can, do you submit?"
"You can't."
"If you do not retract the words, I will meld with you."
Srael said nothing, but straightened in his chair, his eyes daring Kirk to attempt it. He raised the arm to Srael's face, Spock placed the fingers, and contact was made.
*Hello, Srael.*
*But- but- you can't do this!*
Srael was busily trying to erect shields.
*Relax, Srael. I'm not here to invade your mind.*
*I do not understand how this is possible. Humans do not have the capacity.*
*No, but Spock does.*
*There is only one way that might be done, and I know of no instance in which it was tried.*
*We've done a lot of things nobody's ever done before. So, now that I'm here, I want you to do a complete and thorough probe of my entire mind.*
*Everything? Spock consents to such a thing?*
*I didn't ask him. Why does it matter?*
*If Spock is controlling the link, I cannot probe your mind if he does not allow it.*
*He'll allow it. He won't break the link until I tell him to.*
*You still haven't asked him.*
*I don't need to. And you're stalling. Get busy.*
*The truth is that I don't want to.*
*I know that. I don't know why not.*
*A Vulcan healer's task is to take the pain of those he helps. It is said that humans carry much soul pain. It can be overwhelming.*
*Well, I'm not carrying any at the moment, and if I were, I wouldn't be giving it to you in any event.*
*How can you not be? The trauma of the situation you are in is severe.*
*The only thing I'm concerned about right now is you. I can't force you to do this probe. But if you don't, I'm going to kick you out of this briefing room. And that I do have the authority to do.*
Reluctantly, Srael began to probe. As he encountered memory after memory that held no emotional pain, he began to believe. It took him over 20 minutes to do what Spock could do in ten. But finally he was finished.
*I'm sorry to make you look at all that, but I saw no other way to get past your preconceived opinions. Now perhaps you will be able to see us as two people with a problem to solve, rather than a human and half-Vulcan who've gotten themselves into a mess you don't want any part of.*
*I will concede that you have as much experience with the mind-meld as any five non-healer Vulcans put together. And you have experienced more bizarre mental gymnastics and surgery than anyone I know. In spite of the data you have given me, I still do not understand Spock's relationship to you. But I will try to avoid voicing my preconceptions about what you are capable of. I thank you for the education.*
*You are welcome. No one understands Spock and me, not even us. But I guarantee, if you stick around, you'll know us better by the time this is done.*
Spock withdrew, Kirk opened his eyes, lowered his arm, and smiled at Srael.
"You couldn't have planned and practiced that in advance."
"He can take complete control in seconds. Why would we need to practice one hand?" Kirk asked.
Srael nodded, conceding the point. Kirk returned to his chair. Young stood and suggested a short break.