Duo's Journal
Entry 36:
Shit, Meet Your New Roommate Fan
I don't know why Hiiro gets up at the regular time when he has a day off- I just don't get it. I mean… It just seems silly to me. I take that chance to sleep in till high noon. I think he has a genetic timer that just isn't programmable, cause seriously? How? And don't tell me you think he set his alarm because I've never heard such a thing from his room before, unless he wakes up to, like, a breeze.
Though in retrospect, I wake up before my alarm has the time to start playing my music. I hear it start loading and I jump to make it stop… so maybe he just does that too…
Guess what I finally got today? That's right, that damned missing report #ASQ243. No notes, nothing odd about it- excepting the fact that it was left on my desk in such a way to make it look like I had misplaced it.
Now, I might be a bit of a mess at home, but that's cause that's my comfy-place. The office is an efficiency-driven environment. I'm not a mess here. Ok? So basically, I didn't misplace it and someone just plain forgot to give it to me and didn't want to fess-up.
Douche.
Just thought I'd make a not of that before I went on with my day.
----------------------------------
I paid too much attention to the Ladies today, big mistake. They were talking about Hiiro much more openly as he wasn't around. I guess they got the whole "he's kinda shy" thing down… A lot of the guys were rolling their eyes.
"You've never noticed him before, why are you all so interested now?"
"How were we supposed to get a good look at him when he always B-lines from task to task?"
"I can't believe you all…"
"Oh, come on."
That was where I walked past their cubicles to go get something from another office. Why, why, why? Ugh.
"Hey Duo, what do you think?" "Yeah, you share an office." "And a house."
This is where I Deer-in-Headlights them and go "uhhh" for a while.
Please take note that this is not a normal response from me on, uh, anything. Everyone realizes this immediately. I mean- Mr. Talkative-Always-Immediately-Comments-on-How-Hot-People-Around-the-Office-Are doesn't have a response to this?
"Duo?"
"Have you fallen for his charm as well as all the Ladies, Duo?" someone teases.
What do I do?
Blush.
VERY RED.
Fuck.
I think they noticed that too, cause they all shut up. For a second, anyway. Then the expected 'No seriously', 'Is it true what Stacy said, are you two together' and so on.
I throw up my hands defensively, naturally. I tell them not to get ahead of themselves. No, I tell them. No we're not an item. Please, don't tell Hiiro. Please.
I think I stressed the 'please' like, nine times. I wish I just laughed it off and kept walking, the rumor mill would start up, but I think I'd be able to handle that better then what ended up happening.
I got a few sympathetic pats on the shoulders, a couple of head shakes, a few 'man, I'm sorry', 'good luck', and 'oh- damn' comments before the Gossip Ring Girls grab my hands, turn me around and steer me into the break room.
Now I've never actually been on this end of the gossiping news before, I'm usually, you know, on their side asking or listening. So I'm not too comfortable about this. They sit me down in the corner and the four or five of them stand or sit around and start interrogating me.
Not the most comfortable thing in the world. I was too nervous to answer just about any of their questions – Thank God. I kept looking to my hands in my lap, or ducking under their glances. I think I did manage to mumble incoherently a few times, though. I think that's something to be proud of… Maybe? I felt the blood in my face the whole time though.
Honestly, I only remember one of the questions they asked me. When. Since when did I feel this way?
I think I just sighed. Actually… I sighed, put my left elbow on the table and plopped my face in it – the sigh was all I said though.
Apparently that was all they needed to hear/see though. Cause the follow-up question was "That long huh?"
Fuck times two.
Now, I like the Gossip Ring Girls, but I swear if this somehow gets around to Hiiro… God. I just… Fuck… Times three…
I don't think I've ever felt so… Stupid? Low? Terrible? Betrayed? In my life.
It's one thing to have everyone in your life taken away in an act of war, a massacre or a plague, but to have your closest emotion, fears and desires flayed and put on display? The worst. I'm pretty sure they were about to continue until they saw what I couldn't help but notice was my face twist into the most hated expression in the world.
Anguish. I don't know how I kept the tears back, but God I thank you that I did. That would have made it just that much worse.
I could feel the stillness in the room. I don't know how long they stood there before they left me in the room alone.
Two hours later, when I was done collecting myself and left the room, I left the building.
I never did get that paperwork done…
I also forgot my coat. Just so happens it was snowing today.
Next thing I know I'm sitting in my car at the city park (in the parking lot). Don't remember driving there. Just remember the flight response kicking in as soon as I got to my car. When I looked down to my clock I confirmed my fear. It was only 2:30.
When all my thinking and self-bitching was done, I had to at least come to two positive conclusions:
They would never tell Hiiro, because they were all seriously afraid of my reaction. The Gossip Ring Girls would undoubtedly find something to say to the others to excuse both my early departure and my blush that would not incriminate me further than if they were to say that I was bi – which everyone basically knew already.
That I wasn't born into a previous era when Homosexuality was frowned upon, cause GOD, I would have quit right then just to avoid confrontation.
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. What am I gunna do now. If I slip, or if one of them slips… God… No, nonono. This shouldn't have happened… I'm not ready.
If Hiiro had come in today this would never have happened… They would not have been talking so openly.
Shit, Mother Fucking, Goddamn, SHIIIIT.
I hope my conclusion #1 is correct. God I hope so. If it's just the five of them, God, please? I'll go to church weekly if that's the case, I promise. I run and hide- you know the line.
This can only get worse with time, if I know anything about my own sense of luck…
I'm gunna be sick…
Paz Note: You're all gunna hate me in like… five entries (if you don't already) XD
Also, I'm going to contact Dae again about Hiiro's Journals because I've started thinking of things that I could do for my own spin on them… Now I don't wanna tell her off, but I will admit, I really, really wanna write these now… I gots Ideas. And it will feed onto the time following the entry likely (but not guaranteed) to happen soon. Insert : (Evil Smirk of Doom)