Hey everyone! Thanks for continuing to be so patient between updates. I'm trying my best to get them done as soon as I can. And I'm really sorry for the lack of teasers this time around - I've been so behind in everything this week.

A few of you have asked how many more chapters are left - we have about 5 to go, including this one.

Thanks so much to Susan and Judy for all their help. I love them.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters.

Edward

The door slammed shut behind me, loud out into the night, the darkness cloying like a second skin. My pulse raced, angry and surprised as I crossed over from her property to mine, every step now familiar and instinctual. There was something else there, too, lingering like dark mist... something far more powerful – something that I'd have to forget.

I pulled my hood over my head, hiding from the world; hiding from burnished brown eyes I wasn't sure would even be watching. I quickened my pace, determined to distance myself farther, fighting against wanting to go back - fighting against turning around and starting again.

The whole night had been one giant fuck-up after another, each mistake worse than the previous. I'd been so stupid, and had opened my mouth without thinking... maybe driven by too much thinking, completely caught up in the situation. I'd ultimately ended up hurting the one person I didn't want to the most. And yet, I knew it would sting. Knew it and still evaded.

Stood there being assessed by - with exception to Alice – people that didn't matter, was not something I had been willing to be subjected to. It had nothing to do with any of them, my sister included. I didn't want that... for either of us.

The expression on Bella's face had said it all: she was lost to her own guilt, and I knew she couldn't handle it, so I spoke up so she didn't have to. Our business was exactly that: ours, and there was no way in hell I was going to explain what Bella was to me before I'd even had a chance to tell her first. That wasn't how it should be, so I deflected, hoping she'd get it; hoping she'd understand, just like she had with all my other previous screw-ups.

But she hadn't.

Everyone had a breaking point, and I guessed she'd reached hers.

My pace slowed as the full weight of what had just happened sunk in, my shoes suddenly full of lead. I should have realized that James would pull something like that - he'd fucked with people for as long as I'd known him. He'd wanted Bella from the start, long before I had; long before she'd become more than a stupid game to me. I'd become too complacent... too caught up in soft lips and pale skin - feelings that made me lose my head. It was like being in a constant daydream, one that I wasn't sure I wanted to be shaken from.

He'd slowed down though, causing me to believe that he'd grown bored with getting nowhere in his pursuit. I should have paid more attention... I saw the way he was always watching. I should have realized from that look in his eye alone... that want. But I figured that's all he'd do. Watch. I thought if I pretended I wasn't interested from the get-go, showed him that I wasn't going to play our typical game of who got the girl first, that he'd eventually let it go. Let the idea of her go. But I was wrong. And it was clear to me now just how well he'd seen through my pretences. And that want I saw... it wasn't for her. It was to win - win a game I hadn't even known I was playing. My refusal had set the ball rolling. He'd created his own goal to achieve. After that point he'd not wanted Bella for her... No. It was to get to me, show me he wasn't fooled. Win. Always win, even if that meant Bella getting hurt in the process. And tonight was no different. But... no, that had been me, too. I'd fallen into his trap and reacted exactly as he wanted. He foresaw my moves before I actually made any; his constant watching and study of others became all too apparent. It was scary to think he knew what we'd do before we, ourselves, did - pawns to his king in a game of chess. And by the time I comprehended his motives, the damage was already done. It was a case of Catch-22; on the one hand I hadn't wanted to divulge our secrets like that, wanted to tell Bella alone, first, do it right. And yet, on the other, in choosing to follow through with that decision and deflect - it had resulted in Bella getting stung. Part of me thought I'd chosen wrongly, while the other half stubbornly declared I was right in the choice I'd made.

It was never a situation I was going to come out of as a winner.

I should have grasped that losing was sometimes okay, that sometimes it was worth it... that it was possible for another person tobe worth it.

The way Bella had looked at me - eyes full of betrayal and hurt - had crushed me on the inside. I'd tried to dodge her stare, but in the end I hadn't been able to stop myself from looking over, temptation overriding everything else. And what I was met with left a sort of bitterness in my mouth: a sour taste of anger that lingered on the tongue, turning the words that eventually fled from my mouth acerbic.

All too soon she was looking away again, focusing on another, the look in her eyes changing; softness and sorry. Jealousy rose like the sun at dawn as she shone like a beacon of regret, remorseful over choosing me, her faith swiftly sinking like sunset until darkness took over.

And I hated it... hated that with just one look from him she could doubt. He was deserving of all these things, and I wasn't. But it was my own fault... he hadn't hurt her. And I shouldn't have hated him more for it, but I did, because no one wanted to see that... feel like they were the wrong choice, the worst decision. Even if it was maybe true.

Even if there was no maybe at all.

James must have sensed that shift, as he'd moved almost instantly, advancing like storm-like waves, completely unforgiving in what he was about to destroy... who he was about to pull under.

His hand made contact with her cheek, goading me, and the very thought of him touching her was sickening... too much to bear.

And in the end that was what had caused the snap - the reason for the scrape on my knuckles, the cut on my lip, and dried blood on my face. It was all worth it as my fist made contact with his jaw, his taunting words of moments before lost to splutters:

How does it feel knowing you've just lost her?

It made my fists feel better, my own pain distracting as he landed a blow to my mouth, blood flowing, salt and red-anger. But pumping inside my chest felt differently, as he was right: I'd lost her. She walked away... ran. Chased what she felt was better.

Thick arms had pulled me away in the end, tight vices across my chest as my own arms became trapped by my sides. Enough was the word Emmett had used, so simple and ending. And maybe it had been for right then, but that feeling couldn't last, especially not now.

Now it was nowhere near satisfying. And I wanted to inflict again. It had been a long time coming.

He'd walked away, spitting out the poison that ran through his veins, a bloody smirk on his face as he rubbed his jaw.

"Are you calm?" Emmett had asked minutes later. I gave a stiff nod, thankful when his grip on me was released. Small fists came at me then, smacking me in the chest, over and over.

"You're so fucking stupid, Edward!" Alice's head was bowed as she took her frustration out on me, clearly upset. I did nothing as Rose finally grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her away as Jasper ran around the corner, cheeks pink.

"What the hell's going on?" he asked breathlessly, looking at me for clarification. My eyes must have said it all, because he shook his head sadly, forehead smoothed roughly with his fingers.

"That's what I'd like to know," Em interjected, gaze zeroing in on me. "Rose gets a text, and the next thing I know she's dragging me halfway up the beach where I find none other than Rocky over here in a fist fight with James."

"There's nothing going on," I responded, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"The hell there isn't," Alice laughed, the sound humourless.

I ran a hand through my hair, wincing at the split skin at my knuckles as I pushed past Emmett, the sand sliding beneath my shoes as I took off.

"Where are you going?" Em shouted after me as I scanned the beach, searching for Bella.

I ignored them all.

I'd found her soon enough, tearful and begging, sorry and pleading, as Jacob clocked eyes on my appearance.

The sight of her tear-stained cheeks had pierced me, knowing I was a big cause for them, and I'd wanted to make it better... I'd tried to pull her away to talk. But she was too fast, and my hand was left cold.

Everything continued to go downhill from there, ugly lights painted, as hate was shared and more tears were shed – until all I was left with were colours in my eyes as retreating headlights blinded.

The house was mostly in darkness as I scuffed my way up the outside steps to my room, hands deep in my pockets, fingers gripping the stray lighter residing in the left. I intended to lock myself away for the rest of the night, in no mood for company, especially the type I guessed would be waiting for me. I knew I'd have to deal with things at some point, but after all that had just happened, I simply didn't want to be around anyone.

I pulled my right hand from its confine and wrapped my fingers around the cold metal of the door handle, pressing down with a weary sigh... but it didn't budge. Brow furrowed, I tried again, before realization dawned – someone had locked me out of my own room.

I sighed. Alice.

I slammed my fist against the brick by the door, not caring if I did further damage to the already torn skin around my knuckles, way past caring at that point. My feet moved swiftly as I jogged back down the steps, adrenaline pushing me forward; step by furious step. Alice evidently wasn't going to let this go until we'd hashed it out, and while I couldn't blame her for wanting details after witnessing her best friend in tears, it still didn't mean I wasn't pissed. She had no right to go into my room like that, and she knew it. But then I'm pretty sure this was the exact reaction she was trying to get – she was punishing me in her own way by not letting me seek solace when I wanted it... needed it. She didn't know how I was feeling, but she wanted her answers first, and if that meant locking her own brother out of his room, then so be it. She wouldn't care. She'd been like this since we were kids, adamant to get her own way if she felt it was important. And I guessed best friends definitely fell into that category. I knew how this would look to her... to all of them, but they didn't get it. They knew nothing about the situation. Even Jasper didn't; I hadn't told him the half of it. And I knew what I'd be met with as soon as I got into the house... I knew. You didn't have to be genius to figure that out: unhappy faces and a shitload of judgement about a situation they couldn't possibly understand. But then, that was the whole point of this charade – they wanted to know, and they were going to make sure I told them, boundaries be damned. It just made me feel all the more justified in wanting to keep secrets from them in the first place.

Light escaped through the bottom of the door that led into the kitchen as I pushed it open, murmured voices filtered through to my ears. I didn't pause, I just walked in, incensed. They were all present; some sat while others stood, as if we were all about to have some pathetic meeting about who was going to call Edward out on his shit first. I didn't fucking think so.

"Who's been in my room?" I asked, making sure to look at each one of them, even though I knew very well who it had been. Rose simply cocked an eyebrow in response, a sharp contrast to the concern on Jasper's face as he looked between me and my sister. That act alone solidified my guess.

"I have," Alice admitted, all nonchalance.

I shook my head. "You had no right," I said harshly, slamming the door behind me. "I don't go into your personal space like that, so have the same fucking courtesy and stay out of mine."

Her eyes narrowed, hands moving to her hips. "I think I had every right," she snapped, pointing a finger back at me. "You don't get to shrug this one off and ignore it." Jasper placed a hand on her arm, no doubt trying to calm her down. She was crossing a line that was about to blow up in this very kitchen if tempers weren't controlled and voices weren't lowered. The last thing I needed was our parents storming down the stairs demanding to know what was going on. There was already enough silent – and some not so silent in Alice's case – judgement going on. I didn't need any more.

"I can do what I want," I retorted. "This has absolutely nothing to do with you... Any of you," I added, motioning to the other three in the room.

Her eyes flashed, darkened. "That's where you're wrong, Edward," she spat, arms now crossed over her chest, a sign of stubbornness. "That wasn't some random girl I saw you with tonight. That was our friend. Do you understand that? She's not some vapid girl from school who's more concerned with popularity than anything else. She's a good person. Of course I'm going to get involved."

I licked my lips, wincing slightly as my tongue slid against the split near the corner of my mouth. "What I don't understand," I started, "is why you're not more surprised about this." I felt my eyes narrow minutely as I thought more about that. Why were they so... calm? I mean, yes, they all seemed angry... but for the total opposite reasons than what I'd thought.

"Don't be so naive, Edward," Alice sighed. "We knew."

My head snapped up as I cut a glare to Jasper. "You told them?" I asked incredulously, a little hurt and a lot pissed. "I thought I could trust you."

"Jasper didn't say anything," Rose cut in, speaking up before her brother had a chance to. "He didn't have to. I mean, I think I'm right in saying we had all guessed something was going on months ago. We just never spoke with each other about it."

I thought about that. "And what exactly do think has been going on?" I asked, because I wanted them to address it first.

Rose crossed her right leg over her left as she assessed me. "You tell us." That bitch was sure to become a therapist some day.

I simply looked back, not saying a word. Yeah, not going to happen, Rose.

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face, trying to take everything in. All that hiding and they'd already known?

Emmett tapped his knuckles against the table, drawing my attention to him. "I didn't know," he voiced, looking agitated. "If I had, I would have kicked your ass by now. Or at least threatened to."

I laughed, not in humour, but simply because I was beyond pissed at that point.

"Don't push me," he warned, making to get to his feet before taking a deep breath and sitting back again. "After what I've just heard tonight, I don't think you have any reason to be laughing."

"No?"

He shook his head; his tapping paused as he pressed his point home. "No. I really can't see anything funny about this situation. At all."

I rubbed the side of my jaw, feeling the stubble there rub across my palm. "I can't believe you just threatened me."

"Guys, stop," Jasper interjected, nodding to the chair beside him. I shook his offer off – no way was I going to sit around all night and chat about this.

"No, you guys stop," I ground out. "All I want to do is go to bed. I'm tired."

"And we don't want to lose a friend!" Alice continued, her features portraying worry now more than anything else.

I frowned. "What are you talking about?" I questioned, shoving my hands into my pockets. "You won't lose Bella... not if you don't want to."

"Of course we don't!" she cried, allowing herself to be pulled closer to Jasper, his arm wrapping around her shoulder.

I sighed. "Bella's done nothing but worry about keeping..." I paused, swallowing hard as I fought to keep my emotions in check, "what we were doing from you guys. You've got it completely backwards."

"What, you think this won't change things now?" Alice asked.

I shook my head, brows pulled together. "No."

She rubbed the area underneath her eyes. "Then you're stupid."

"I don't get why you think any of that's going to happen," I said. "What's happened between Bella and me isn't going to affect anyone else - you're jumping to conclusions when you haven't got the faintest idea about... any of it."

"I think I have a pretty good idea," Alice interrupted. "You forget, we're twins - I know you."

I looked away, focusing out the window, staring at nothing but the black beyond. I wanted to go lie in it, block out the world. Even the stars.

"I think what Alice is trying to say is: Do you really think B's going to want to be over here all the time now? That she'll be okay walking into a room knowing there's a strong possibility you're going to be in it?" Rose asked, leaning forward in her seat. "Because the way Jasper described finding you both by the cars tonight... You had her in tears, Edward. And we can all guess at the reasons why - Alice maybe a little more as she saw more than the rest of us – until we're blue in the face... but surely you must know, and get that?"

I took a deep breath through my nose, fighting the urge to close my eyes. I knew what I'd done. I didn't need to keep being reminded of it.

"We all share a close bond, and when one of us is hurting, it affects the rest of us. Add into the equation that that hurt was caused by another friend... it's not easy."

My hands found their way into my hair, grasping at the strands harshly. "It was something stupid... I thought she'd understand, but she didn't. It was a misunderstanding."

"Bullshit," Alice laughed. "The only misunderstanding right now is you not getting it."

"I get it," I shot back, because hearing that... I did. It didn't mean I agreed with them completely – Bella would never abandon her friends because of me – but I could understand to an extent that up in the air feeling of not knowing. It was incredibly frustrating. "But it's a moot point now anyway," I said. "She doesn't want to see me anymore. End of discussion."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, ignoring the range of expressions fired back at me.

"And you're just giving up?" Alice asked, disappointment clouding her eyes. "You were happier—"

I interrupted her – I couldn't hear that. I didn't want to think about it... not here, with them. No. It was only now just sinking in, and I didn't know how to handle it. Didn't want to until I was alone.

"Just out of interest: how long have you all known?" If they saw it as a deflection, no one said anything.

"Alice and I figured it out around Christmastime," Rose answered. "We heard you talking in your room... the day Bella came over with gifts for everyone." I closed my eyes, remembering that day and the present she'd bought me... the way I'd shoved it under the bed upon hearing someone out in the hallway.

"But you were sleeping," I pointed out, looking between them both.

Em got up from the chair and went to the fridge, pulling out stuff for a sandwich. The boy ate in every situation, more so when there was a lot of tension in the house. He'd told us once it hollowed out his stomach.

"I was... but then Jazz woke me by dropping Bella's gift on my stomach," she shrugged, glaring across at her brother as she recounted the moment. "I wanted to say thank you, so Allie and I came looking for you both. And not gonna lie, I nearly busted your balls then and there. But you were sweet with her, and we heard her laugh... so we left you both to it."

I swallowed heavily and asked the most obvious question. "Then why didn't you say anything after?"

"Because that's not what friends do," she explained. "We knew Bella would tell us when she was ready."

"Why didn't you ask me, then?" I wondered, curious.

She rolled her eyes, as if it were obvious. "Because we knew you'd do something stupid, or deny it or whatever. And if tonight was anything to go by, I think we were right in thinking that."

What could I say to that? Absolutely nothing - it was the truth. I would have denied it, or played it off as unimportant... exactly as I'd done tonight. I could lie to them and say I wouldn't have, but the truth was I didn't know how I would have reacted if they'd confronted me back then. No, it was easier to keep my mouth shut.

"I'm going to bed," I declared, not waiting for a reply. No one said anything as I walked from the room, relief settling in as I stepped out into the dimly lit hallway.

I'd only gotten a little way up the stairs when Em's voice brought me to a pause. "Is she important to you?" he asked me. "Do you care for her... truthfully?" I turned a little to face him, mostly looking over my shoulder.

I went to answer, but stopped. I'd tell her first.

And in the end it didn't matter, because his next words said it all: he knew without me having to say a thing. "Make it right, Edward. Just make it right."

He walked back into the kitchen, to the others, as I finally made my way to my room, intent on locking that door right behind me to match the other - intent on shutting everything and everyone out until I was ready.

OoOoO

I immediately regretted not closing the curtains the night before as sunlight streamed through the double doors on the far side of my room, a groan of frustration leaving my mouth as I knew I'd have to be up soon anyway. I flung my arm over my eyes as sleep started to fade, resigned to the fact I wouldn't be able to ignore the clock like previous mornings.

It had taken me hours to drift off last night. In fact, I'd slept away most of the weekend. I kept to myself, only leaving my room to grab food or, in yesterday's case, hole myself away in the music room.

Playing had taken my mind off things for a little while, the keys and notes distracting and instinctual as I lost myself for those few hours. But reality was back as soon as I stepped out of the room, hearing Alice tell Mom she was heading next door.

I'd talked myself into – then back out of – going over to see Bella all weekend. And after the way things had ended between us Friday night, with her shouting for me to get out of her house, I knew she wouldn't want to see me.

I could have gone and knocked on her door, but I was almost certain she wouldn't answer it. And then I got the crazy idea of climbing her tree as if it was just another day, but that was quickly shot down. She hated when I did it, worried that I'd fall. No doubt she'd encourage it, if I tried it again anytime soon.

I kept replaying those ten minutes in her room... the words that I'd spoken. I hadn't gone over there with the intention of saying them; in fact, it had been the complete opposite. I'd wanted to apologize until she couldn't ignore me - apologize until she actually believed me. Seeing her cry like that had been an awful feeling. And I just kept making it worse. She wouldn't let me touch her despite the fact I was desperate to; she'd even found it difficult to look at me. She'd sat in the middle of her bed wearing one of my t-shirts; all bare legs and soft skin; tired eyes and mussed-up hair. The sight of her brought all those feelings back from the beach... those feelings that I'd been about to blurt out before we'd been interrupted. And they hadn't left since. They'd only gotten stronger, more intense. They said you couldn't love something as much as you could miss it – but no one ever said anything about what it felt like to have the two combined. I'd never felt like this before. Ever. I couldn't seem to focus on a simple task for more than a few minutes before my head was filled with the words I should have said instead: No. I'm sorry. Don't cry. I love you.

I'd spoken out of anger and my own hurt – because she hadn't been the only one that night that was being torn up on the inside. Every time she'd cast her eyes to Jacob and said his name. Every time I had to watch him kiss her... watch her take his hand in hers and smile in the past... it all became this huge ball of emotions that kept getting bigger and bigger; a ball of snow traveling down an icy mountain top, gathering and gathering until it hit the bottom and exploded into ice cold shards that were only ever going to sting.

And at that point I'd even wanted them to. For those brief seconds I'd hoped she was hurting, because then she'd know how I was feeling. It was stupid and selfish, heartless and gutless, and more than anything, I wanted to take it all back. And I nearly had. I'd willed myself to. More so after she reacted the way she did. But then, what did I expect? She'd asked me if I wanted to end things, and I replied maybe. Not yes, because looking at her - all that beauty and heart - there was no way I could force that word from my lips. I didn't want it to end; I just wanted to take a pause. But she'd taken it that way anyway, and had had enough. And I couldn't blame her.

I'd thought it was another argument, another shouting match that we'd get over after a few days once we'd both cooled down. It all seemed so insignificant. Who cared about Jacob's feelings? He wasn't a part of this relationship. He had no place in it. Or so I'd thought. She'd thought me cruel, and I guess I had been, but so had he. That wasn't mentioned though, wasn't focused on. I'd always be the bad to his good. And so I shrugged it off, sure it was too much hassle... tired of all the comparisons and frustrations.

But I'd been wrong, because I'd never been so tired. I couldn't stop thinking about her. And I'd never been so frustrated... at me. At her. At us. Not that there was an 'us'anymore.

I ran my hands through my hair and finally got out of bed, squinting against the light in the room as I padded over to the shower. Water hot, I stripped down and stood under the spray, attempting to clear my head. I was dreading going to school today, knowing the weekend events would have been dissected and passed from student to student by now. I wasn't worried about myself though. Bella, however, was a different story.

The girls at school were going to be in full-on bitch mode, and I wasn't sure if Bella was going to be able to deal with that. But then I thought of how strong she was beneath that shy exterior, and knew she'd be fine. Or at least I hoped she would. Rose and Alice would be there if she needed their support - I felt a little easier knowing that. She still hadn't been over to the house though, and I was starting to worry that what Alice had said was true; that she'd avoid me at all costs. I was so tempted to ask the girls if she was okay... question Jasper if she'd said anything to him, but I held back, wanting to have that conversation with her. If she'd let me. The jury was still out on that one.

Stepping out of the shower, I dressed in my uniform quickly, having to forgo my usual smoke as I'd run out of cigarettes late last night. I ran my hands through my hair, not caring how it looked and swung the door open to head downstairs.

I could smell the scents of breakfast foods as I neared the kitchen, Emmett's laugh reverberating into the hallway as I paused by the door. It didn't surprise me that he was already up and eating, what did surprise me though was the person with him.

Bella.

She had her back to me, so she hadn't seen me yet, and I was almost tempted to turn around and head back upstairs. Seeing her and knowing she wasn't mine - it was a lot harder than I'd anticipated. Her hair was down in loose waves with one those bands in it by the looks of things, and for the first time I'd noticed how much longer it had gotten since we'd met. Jesus, I was turning into a girl noticing that shit.

My gaze lowered, finding those dark blue knee socks and that plaid skirt that seemed shorter than usual...

I was so fucking screwed.

With one last deep breath, I pushed the door open fully, wincing internally as it banged slightly against the wall. The room fell silent as Emmett turned at the noise, instantly giving me a pointed look that said, don't be a prick. Bella however did nothing. She didn't even look at me properly - just a quick flick of the eyes before focusing back on the plate of food in front of her.

And if I wasn't sure before, I certainly was then. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.

"Hey," I murmured, sitting at the opposite end of the table to where she sat. It didn't escape my notice that she said nothing.

Esme had left a plate of bacon and pancakes out for us to help ourselves, and even though I wasn't particularly hungry, I grabbed a plate and piled it with food, needing something to do other than stare.

"Morning," Em managed around a mouthful of food and juice, thankfully sounding cheerful enough.

An awkward silence followed after that, the only sound being that of forks scraping against plates. I reached for the jug of juice, noticing that Bella was no longer eating, but simply pushing her food around her plate instead, and I hated that I was the cause of her discomfort. She'd never given me the silent treatment before... I didn't know how to deal with this Bella. I'd rather she shout at me than say nothing. Being ignored was far worse than being screamed at.

The sound of chair legs squeaking against tile pulled me from my thoughts as Em got up to dump his plate in the sink. Bella immediately tensed up, fork paused on a bit of pancake as she looked up and followed his movements. He went over to the fridge and pulled out the carton of milk, drinking straight from it without a glass. Only then did she ease up.

"You better not put that back in," I warned, taking a sip of juice. "No one wants your spit on their cereal."

He flipped me the finger while he continued to drink and I stabbed down on a piece of bacon, frustrated with the tension in the room. Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, he raised his brows at me, a silent message sent.

Yeah, I got it, thanks.

"I'm going to go grace Rose with my presence," he sighed, messing up Bella's hair as he paused by her chair. "She's probably still showering."

"Ew, gross, Em," she laughed, pushing his hand away good naturedly.

"I'll be back," he winked before heading for the door. "Oh, and the midget should be around somewhere. Just give her a shout and follow the smell of overpriced perfume, and you'll find her soon enough," he laughed.

I smirked, shaking my head as I heard the front door close behind him.

It got real quiet again after that, and with no one else in the room that awkwardness just became worse. She got to her feet a few seconds later, standing at the sink as she squirted some soap onto a sponge before washing her and Em's plate.

My jaw clenched as I pushed my own plate away from me, giving up on breakfast. I didn't know what I'd expected, but it wasn't this.

I was almost sure she wouldn't turn up this morning; sure she wouldn't want to be anywhere near me. She'd been so angry, all flushed cheeks and dark eyes, spilling words that had sent me out into the cold - words that I'd deserved.

My fingers gripped the glass in my hand firmly, tight holds formed as I waited... watched, anxious for her gaze. She looked the same – beautiful, if a little tired – and I had to physically curl my other hand around the top of the chair to stop myself from reaching out for her; stop myself from pulling her out of this room to simply lock us away in another.

I brought my drink to my mouth, swallowing cool citrus, eyes fixed on dark lashes as they brushed the area above her eyes - attention anywhere but me - and watched as she turned off the tap and dried her hands much longer than was necessary.

Her arms crossed over her chest, nails digging into cotton as she suddenly turned on her heel, evidently unable to stand being in the same room as me.

My glass slammed to the table as she passed, frustrated, an unconscious action that resulted in breaths held, but it got me what I wanted.

She stilled, head snapping up as she paused beside me, brows crinkled and lips pressed tightly together as she raked her eyes over my face, features unchanging.

She didn't speak, didn't touch me, she simply stared, walls built, keeping me out as my resolve threatened to crumble. I stepped forward as she pulled back, drawing in a deep breath as my lips parted.

"Can we talk?" I asked, watching as her tongue swept against her bottom lip, praying she wouldn't deny me.

But that's exactly what she did.

"No."

I took another step forward. "No?" I asked, gaze flickering between her eyes and mouth.

Her lashes fluttered. "I've got nothing to say to you," she breathed, sidestepping me to leave the room.

"Bella," I called, but she didn't stop, and this time it was me left watching as she walked away.

OoOoO

As soon I cut the engine, I grabbed my cigarettes and jumped out of the car, pulling off the cellophane as I walked, not caring one iota about the looks being given my way. They could stare all they fucking wanted.

Leaning against the tree at the end of the lot, I quickly brought the lighter to the tip, inhaling and watching the cherry burn bright before removing the flame.

I'd left the house almost instantly after Bella denied me, needing to get out of there before I ran into anyone else. A quick stop at the store and then I was here, pulling into this hell hole. I exhaled slowly, watching the smoke furl when I spotted Jessica Stanley heading my way. I had a feeling the day was about to get a whole fucking lot worse.

"Edward," she smiled, coming to a halt in front of me. "Oh, can I have a drag?" she asked, eyeing my cigarette.

"No."

"Okay..."

I sighed, "What do you want, Jess?"

"Is it true?" she wondered.

"Is what true?" I questioned, noticing Em's Jeep pull into the spot next to my own car.

She waved her hand in front of my face, trying to pull back my attention. "That you and Bella Swan are dating."

I took a deep breath. "No, we're not dating." Not any more anyway.

"I knew Tanya was lying," she said, dropping her voice to a whisper. "She's such a jealous person, too. I think it's because she knows I like you like you, you know?"

Shoot me, right now.

My eyes met Bella's across the lot, and I stared right back, my vision turning red when I saw Tyler Crowley sidle up next to her. Didn't that asshole ever take a hint? She pulled her gaze from mine and gave him a bright smile, my hands clenching into fists on impulse. It was then I realized she could do that now... flirt and smile and touch others that weren't me. She could date whoever the fuck she wanted to and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

I dropped my cigarette to the ground and stomped it out before turning my attention back to the girl in front of me, wishing the ground was Tyler's face. "Tanya's a shrew, and you can tell her that from me," I said, watching Jess' eyes go wide. "Excuse me."

I pushed myself from the tree and headed into the school, already ready for the day to be over with already and lessons hadn't even started yet.

I stopped off at my locker before first period and grabbed the books I needed, staring at the dude with the dog collar on the front cover. Realization dawned at who I shared that class with: James and Tanya.

The bell rang just as I walked into the room, noticing the chair next to mine was absent. I knew he was here though, I'd seen his car this morning. I grudgingly took my seat and was about to pull my textbook out of my bag when Tanya strolled in, James following just behind her.

I tensed as he pulled out the chair beside me, knowing there was fuck all I could do about it. I was almost willing him to give me another reason to wipe that smug grin off his face, suspension be damned.

"Good weekend, Edward?" he chuckled as he sat, sighing as his arms hit the desk.

"No better than yours," I answered, nodding to Tanya as she turned to smirk back at her new comrade. "I didn't realize you'd gone back to slumming it."

He grinned, eyes narrowing. "A onetime thing," he said, not defending her in the slightest. "I'm more into brunettes these days."

"You stay the fuck away from her," I warned, my response instant as I felt my temper rise. I knew he was goading me, but I couldn't help it.

He had his own cut on his lip, the area beneath his left eye was bruised, and if he carried on he'd have a right one to match.

"I can't promise anything," he said, a fake resignation to his voice. "You see, I heard she's back on the market, so to speak."

I shook my head. "You haven't got a chance with her," I voiced confidently.

He smirked, eyes cold. "But then, neither do you," he whispered before the teacher walked in and ended all conversations in the room.

I felt my hands clench under the table as I turned to face the front, hating that I had to sit and listen to his words.

But most of all I hated that he was right.

OoOoO

I spent lunch outside on the benches with Ben, sick of the endless questions I'd been getting all day from Lauren and Jess in particular, and there was no way in hell I was about to submit myself to a whole lunch hour with them.

"So I got a call from Angie last night," Ben started, and I knew what was coming before he'd even said anything.

"Let me guess; it had something to do with me," I said, taking a bite of my sandwich.

He pulled the crusts off his. "That obvious, huh?"

"Something like that," I murmured, chewing. "And what did Angela have to say?"

"This and that," he shrugged. "It mostly consisted of what a jackass you are," he smiled, throwing his bits of discarded bread on the grass.

I laughed for the first time all day, and finished the rest of my food. "Sounds about right."

He looked up, focusing on a spot behind me. "Nah. She was upset because Bella was upset... I'm pretty sure it's a girl thing," he shrugged. "She felt bad for saying it afterwards... Another girl thing I think."

I took a swig of my Coke and came to the conclusion that this was the most Ben had talked at one time in, well... ever. I guessed girls really did change you.

"I fucked up," I admitted, feeling for some reason that I could talk about it a little with Ben.

"Yeah?" he asked.

I pulled my hand through my hair and frowned. "Yeah."

He pulled his lips against his teeth as he thought about it. "And?"

I sighed, crushing my now empty can of Coke with my fingers. "And now she doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Ah."

I nodded, instinctively staring at the cafeteria doors.

"Just give her some time," he suggested. "I don't know what was going on between you two, but if it was serious..." He took the last bite of his sandwich and dusted his hands off on his shirt before continuing. "If you still care, there's a strong chance she still does, too."

Neither of us said anything more as we left for our separate classes, but deep down I really hoped he was right. But giving her time... that was going to be harder to carry through, especially when I walked into biology to find Mike Newton making her laugh. He looked a bit confused about something, but smiled nonetheless. Dick.

"Something I can help you with, Newton?" I snapped, slamming my bag on the desk.

He didn't budge; he simply flashed another grin at the girl beside me. "I was just telling Bella here, about my weekend in Seattle."

"Did you fall on your face... embarrass or hurt yourself at all?" I asked.

His brows pulled together, his look bewildered. "Uh, no."

"Then I really don't want to hear about it," I pressed, giving him a pointed stare.

I could see Bella's hands formed into tight little fists on the desk, a pencil gripped firmly in the right.

Mr. Banner walked in before I had a chance to say anything, frustration making my jaw clench. I'd tried to talk to her in gym before lunch, but she'd shrugged me off and teamed up with Alice and Rose, leaving me to partner with Jasper and Emmett.

I'd instantly missed her banter and playfulness in that class, feeling it right at the pit of my stomach when I watched her smile and laugh without me. In fact, I'd missed her all weekend. We'd been spending so much time together - it was hard to suddenly have that taken away. Nights had by far been the worst, especially after having gotten used to sharing a bed with someone. Sleeping alone felt entirely alien to me now, sleep almost impossible to come by. She'd infiltrated herself into my entire life to a point where it now felt wrong when she wasn't with me.

Unable to bear it any longer, and simply wanting to let her know a little of what I was feeling, I ripped a page out my notebook and wrote no more than a few simple words. She wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't listen, but I was hoping she'd at least see.

As soon as Mr. Banner turned his back to the class to write on the overhead board, I pressed my fingers against the words jotted in black ink and slid the paper across the desk, her body stiffening as the note came into contact with the side of her wrist.

Her tongue swept against her lips as she blinked slowly, and I could tell how hard she was trying not to look. With a deep breath she flattened her palm over it before crumpling it into a ball, the paper rustling and crushing that little bit of hope I was clinging on to.

I ground my teeth together as my knee bounced under the desk, eyes fixed on the clock from that point on. But that still didn't mean I couldn't sense her next to me; didn't mean that I didn't want to reach over and take her hand in mine or press my mouth to her skin. I was going crazy not being able to touch her.

Bella slid out her seat a few seconds after the bell sounded, leaving that ball of paper on the desk, a little more to the middle than it had been before.

I pulled it flat slowly, reading my own words first.

I fucking miss you.

And underneath it:

Asshole.

I smirked.

It was a start.

Reviews will get a teaser for the next chapter.

I have a rec this week: 'Solstice' by cosmogirl7481. It's the perfect amount of sweet and funny. And updates daily.

Thanks so much for reading.

VHL xx