36 Wrecked Hearts

Amara ran her hands down the sides of his neck. Blade was leaner than when she last saw him, his short coat dusty and gritty from his journey. There were several slashes that had recently healed all throughout his sides. Amara held him close as he rubbed his great head on her chest. He looked into her eyes and whined excitedly, his hot breath panting heavily from his mouth. Amara patted him with much affection that he had rolled on to his back, tongue lolling out. His four rough paws paddled the air while he wiggled his stumpy tail.

"Lethallin, what are you doing here?" Amara frowned as her hands went over his various old injuries. "You are not meant to be here." Amara took a shuddering breath just about forgetting her companions around her. Her hands held the sides of his face as she stared deep into his brown eyes. "Please tell me they're safe." She closed her eyes tightly and roughly pushed her forehead against his neck. A hard smooth object touched her cheek as she did so. Amara opened her eyes as her hand found the small wooden tube that dangled from Blade's collar. Gently she unclasped it. It was as long as the width of her palm, tubular in shape. At first she thought it was a piece of wood but on closer inspection she found it was smoothly worn down bone, capped at both ends with metal. Amara shallowed hard, her brows furrowing as she stared at it in her hand.

"Amara?" Leliana's voice sounded concerned to her ears.

The Warden blinked away the tears and turned her gaze toward the bard. "It's from her." Her hands shook as she turned the tube in her palm.

"What do you mean?" Leliana gently placed a hand on her shoulder. Amara startled at the touch and quickly got to her feet. She shook her head, a little bit wildly and started backing away from her companions. She turned her steps away from them.

Alistair's brow quirked at he placed a soup bowl filled with water on the ground by Blade's paws. He looked over to Leliana worriedly as Amara walked away toward the trees. Blade lapped at the water thirstily, spilling little rivulets from his mouth as he lifted his head toward his master. A small whine escaped his throat as his head cocked to one side.

"It's alright… Blade?" Alistair spoke to him as reassuringly as he could. His voice trembling slightly as he warily eyed the war hound before him. "I think she just needs some time." He looked over to Leliana once more and caught her worried look. "What did I miss?"

"She found something on his collar. She said… I think she said it was from her." She looked as perplexed at the Warden beside her. Leliana drew a breath. "Maybe I should go see if she's ok."

"No wait, I think we should give her some time." Alistair frowned as he absently rubbed his hand. Lelaina nodded. Slowly she crouched down on the ground. Gently her hand reached up to touch Blade's side. The Mabari sniffed her hand curiously before giving her a lick on the cheek. A sudden giggle burst from the bard's lips that had Blade wagging his tail once more.

Amara found herself walking through the trees, her steps climbing a slope as she continued looking at the tube in her hand. The soft muffled voices of her companions by the lake slowly receded. She sat herself down on a small patch of grass that overlooked the outpost below. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she turned the tube around and around. Her mind and heart raced as her fingers twisted the cap free. Gently she tapped the tube on her palm releasing a small roll of parchment from its centre. She took a shaky breath as a sob threatened to escape from her chest. Carefully she unrolled it. Instantly she recognised the hand that wrote it. Tears welled in her eyes quickly as she read the first two words. Amara's hand went to her mouth as she stifled a sudden sob. She hands shook as she took up the scroll once more willing herself to read further. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks blurring her vision as she continued to read. Her body shook as small cries erupted from her tightening throat while her eyes took in each carefully written word.

When the words ran out Amara gripped her sides. She rocked on her knees as ragged cries shook her body. Her breathing in quick gasps in between sobs that wrenched out of her hoarse throat. Amara's neck and jaw ached painfully as she desperately tried to stop crying. Eventually she laid on her side on the hard ground her chest rising and falling fast while she tried to catch her breath.

Warm hands found her and held her. Too weak to fight she closed her eyes tightly against the comfort she did not want but so desperately needed. She felt strong arms hold her up into a sitting position as firm hand guided her tired head on to a warm chest. Despite herself Amara wrapped her arms around a lithe waist, her fingers feeling the grooves of the woven leather beneath them. Her body shook as another wave of sobs wracked her. Her tears continued to flow as she felt gentle fingers running through her hair. The body she leaned on rocked her tenderly, gently slowing the rapid heartbeat in her chest. She took a deep ragged breath as she felt warm lips caress her forehead. Calloused fingers gently wiped away the tears that gathered beneath her closed eyes. Amara retreated deeper into that warm embrace where everything smelled of sun and honey and flowers. The Warden trembled as she felt several more tender kisses on her face.

Slowly she opened her sore eyes. She saw a flash of red hair as her gaze locked with clear blue eyes. Leliana smiled down at her softly as the bard continued to hold her. Amara blinked a few times before eventually rubbing her hands on her eyes to clear the gathered tears. She swallowed hard as she tried to speak, her voice cracking.

"I left her… I had to." Amara shut her eyes tightly again. It was a few moments before she opened them once more. "Then I let her go…" She took a shuddering breath. "Just like that, I allowed myself to let her go." She fought the tightening of her throat, her breaths came quick and shallow. "She loved completely … loves me still. She gave me every part of her and I am so unworthy of it all." Amara closed her eyes and listened to the steady beat of Leliana's heart.

Leliana stroked her hair. "Did you love her completely, unreservedly with all your heart when you were together… before you had to leave?" Amara nodded silently as fresh tears trickled down her face. Leliana held her closer. "Then you were worthy of her love for you." She felt the Warden tremble as she cried softly in her arms. Gently she caressed Amara's wet face, her glistening amber eyes meeting hers. "You are worthy of those that love you." Leliana tilted her face towards hers as she leant in to kiss her deeply.

Amara felt Leliana's soft lips dance with hers, she kissed her back passionately as she deepened their kiss, tasting the sweetness of her mouth. Amara's heart hammered in her chest as she quickly broke away. She shook her head wildly. "Leliana! I'm sorry I shouldn't have." She quickly got to her feet and hurriedly walked away, her mind racing. She took steadying breaths as she looked over the outpost hugging herself. She looked back towards the bard sitting on the ground. "I'm sorry I have to go…" She ran as fast as her feet could carry her. She grunted in frustration as she tore her armour away. She heard Leliana calling after her. In shock Leliana watched the Warden discard her armour. She watched Amara run then stumble on her hands and knees before turning into a large dark wolf before her eyes. Leliana's heart raced as she watched the Warden as a wolf speed off into the distance, her great strides carrying her fast away from her. She called after her again but her voice only came out in a whisper.

Leliana sat on the ground for a while in shock, her mind racing with everything that had just transpired. Absently she stood up and walked to the Warden's cast-off armour. She picked them up, the leather warm in her hands. Sudden guilt and regret assaulted her consciousness. She hugged the armour to her body her fingers going to her lips as she processed her thoughts. Oh Leliana, she really didn't need that, she thought to herself guiltily. Her eyes closed as she recalled their kiss. Worry prickled her mind. The Warden was unarmed, hurting and alone. She needed to find Morrigan and quickly. Her steps took her back to where they were sitting, her heart hammering as she bent over to pick up the parchment.

…

My Love,

It has been a month since you left. I've walked through the days and nights, empty and alone. I know all the reasons why we parted and my mind understands them. But in my heart I can't help but feel the harsh unfairness of it. I know your duty is vital and a burden on you. I know your selfless sacrifice protects us and ensures the world as we know it, goes on. I wish I could be as selfless but my world will never be the same without you in it.

Still, I go on. You've left me a task that at first I thought impossible, but the more time passes, I find it is the only thing left tethering you to me and I to you. He grows day by day. He has your eyes and your lips. I sing to him at night the songs of both our people. He will grow up knowing of you and his family.

Please know that we are safe. I wish I could know the same for you. I woke up with a terrible foreboding in my heart, a terrible battle I think. I wish I could keep you safe but I know you'll face many terrible things. I send Blade after you now. His heart will seek you out and you would have felt him when he was nearing. Your touch will break this bond, I hope he finds you safe.

I don't know if there will ever be another for me but I hope you find love and comfort again. If at the end of it all you still feel the same you'll know where to find me. I love you and I always will. Be safe my love.

Always,

Elise