CHAPTER 33

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I was finally able to sneak in that kiss I had been itching to give you since you kissed my forehead that night.

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Severus was exhausted when he returned to the dungeons. Harry's door was ajar as usual, and he hesitated again, lingering around for a few seconds, longing to watch the innocence of Harry's sleep and feel the softness of that tempting teenageman's skin underneath his lips. With a small sigh, Severus dragged himself onwards; he fetched a neat folder from his laboratory and proceeded to meticulously complete his notes and observations concerning the new Wolfsbane Potion. He had just enough time for a quick bathtub-soak, during which he forced himself to keep his hands off his groin. Gritting his teeth and plucking at his fresh robes, he went into the hall and discovered Harry waiting for him, green eyes wide and questioning.

"The formula still has to be fine-tuned, but the session was successful and I am quite optimistic about its further develop-" he was interrupted by the second hug of the day, even tighter than Remus's contribution. Harry was hugging him with all his might and rocking their bodies back and forth. Severus held him gently, patting his back awkwardly.

/I knew you'd do it! You're brilliant, Severus! Just brilliant!/ Harry's face was radiant when he finally drew back. Severus could not remember the last time someone had expressed such pride in him.

"I...Thank you, Harry."

Harry shook his head. /Thank you, Severus. This is groundbreaking news, it has to be published!/

"That is the big dilemma, Harry. The Dark Lord," he took a deep breath and continued, "Voldemort is trying to convince the werewolves to join his side. This new potion has the potential to become a political weapon, and that type of purpose is against my wishes."

Harry nodded. /The thought had occurred to me. I suppose this will entail long discussions with the Order./

"Yes. I have a meeting with the Headmaster in a few minutes."

/I'll see you at breakfast./ Harry looked wistfully at Severus. /I wish we could sit next to each other./

The Potions Master did not what to say; all he could do was look into those green eyes and allow himself to be enveloped by their warm gaze; then Harry raised his hand, patted Severus quickly on the shoulder and went off to pick up his friends from Gryffindor Tower. Severus could not help smiling a tiny but genuine smile. He decided that he rather enjoyed being hugged by Harry. Unbeknownst to him, Harry was kicking himself for not gathering all his Gryffindor courage and planting a kiss somewhere on Severus's stern face.

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The discussion about Severus's potion involved both admiration and, as Severus and Harry had correctly predicted, consternation due to the powerful brew's potential to serve as a weapon in the impending war. Plans to come to a final decision were arranged between Christmas and New Year, and one week before the start of the holidays, the castle was quite empty; most of the staff and students had gone home; Hermione was scheduled to spend the first few days with her parents before joining the others at Grimmauld Place. The Weasleys had already decorated the place, ignoring the foul cursing issuing forth from the picture of Sirius's mother. The twins had tried to remove the picture, but it had resisted even their explosive techniques. Efforts to cover the portrait and its curtains with tinsel had failed. Walburga Black, it seemed, was going to remain a permanent fixture in her brooding house – as was Severus in his dungeons; and before the Potions Master knew it, it was time to say goodbye to his husband.

As he looked into Harry's eyes on the day of the latter's departure, he considered changing his mind, telling Harry that he would accompany him to Grimmauld Place after all and celebrate with the others; or worse, asking Harry to cancel his plans and stay with him at Hogwarts and celebrate together…But no. Those were the sickly sweet thoughts of foolish naïve romantics who wore their hearts on their sleeves. He had to keep out Harry's life. It would be the first time in their married life since they were parted and had their own space back. Severus would have the run of the dungeons again and Harry would be able to enjoy the holidays with the people and friends he regarded as family, including healthy youngsters of his own age instead of an irascible Potions Master who was some twenty years his senior, had bullied him from the very first Potions lesson onwards, cheated on him on their wedding day and invaded his body in order to save his, Severus's, worthless scrawny life.

"Well then…Take care, Severus. I'm going to miss that sexy swirling and twirling of your robes."

"No cheek from you," Severus said, reverting to his teacher tone and hoping that he was not committing the unforgivable crime of blushing like an asinine schoolboy. Harry grinned, seeing a golden opportunity suddenly pop up on the horizon.

/No problem, I'll take your cheek since you're too fussy to take mine./ He rose on tiptoe and pressed a kiss against Severus's cheek. Severus blinked and turned red as Ron's ears in moments of elevated blood pressure.

/I'll miss you, Severus. If you change your mind, you're always welcome. You know that./

Severus did not say anything; but he settled for brushing Harry's ear gently with his knuckles – a clumsy but spontaneous gesture. Harry smiled, gave him one last piercing look, squeezed his hand quickly and left their quarters, trunk gliding behind him. He was going down to Hogsmeade to board the Knight Bus. It was either that or risk being Splinched, or even arrested for unlicensed Apparating – which he had already done once before when Severus and he had stood in front of the ruins of Spinner's End. Fortunately, since Harry was of age and the Aurors who had seen them vanish were their friends, this trespass had been generously overlooked, especially given the circumstances of the moment. The Apparating lessons now took place twice a year at Hogwarts; once in March, and the second time in October. Harry had signed up promptly; however, he disliked the stomach-churning sensation of Apparating as much as Flooing. Flooing, of course, was out of the question in times of war; the danger of spies or even interception in mid-Flooing was too great. The Apparition exam would take place in January, just before Severus's birthday.

The fact that Severus had not ended up railing at Harry for unlicensed Apparating said a lot about his growing feelings towards the young man – something Severus, of course, was most anxious to deny.

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To say that Severus was bored without Harry was an understatement. He was utterly miserable. He paced the library and brewed potions for hours, then gave up those activities when he discovered that he could not concentrate, and went upstairs to the Mirror Room where they had shared so many Legilimency and Occlumency lessons. He could still feel Harry's lips against his cheek. The silence in the dungeons irritated him to such an extent that he took to wandering about the castle after midnight. Of course, he inevitably ran across Dumbledore during one of his nocturnal strolls. The Headmaster promptly ushered him into his rooms for a very late cup of tea and plate of biscuits.

"You miss him?" Albus inquired gently. Severus pursed his lips.

"I've not had many people to miss so far," he said curtly, nibbling dispiritedly at a biscuit. Albus smiled, recognising the admission hidden in the lofty words.

"Why don't you drop in for a Christmas visit, Severus? It's not too late. Christmas is day after tomorrow."

"Well, yes, I can count and I am in possession of a calendar. What is the necessity of such a visit?"

"You are missing him. And I believe he is missing you. You are quite despondent."

"What you call despondency is regarded as my natural disposition, Albus," Severus observed dryly.

Dumbledore placed a knowing hand on Severus's shoulder. The Potions Master stiffened, then capitulated, allowing the gesture.

"Despondency is not your natural disposition. Why are you so reluctant to allow yourself to love – and to be loved, child?" His long fingers rubbed Severus's thin shoulder gently.

Severus glowered at him.

"Please consider this absurd question, Albus: is love for someone like me?"

"Of course it is, Severus. I have seen the way Harry behaves around you and looks at you. He loves you."

Heat suffused Severus's cheeks.

"How can he?"

"Do you remember what I told you about Harry, Severus? He is capable of great love and kindness. He can see in people what they themselves cannot see, much like his mother Lily. You sound like he has committed a crime."

"He? Not he. I am a criminal. He should avoid me. He should bestow his feelings on someone more suitable."

"You made mistakes, Severus. You confronted them and were ready to sacrifice your life when you turned your back on Voldemort."

Severus said softly, almost helplessly: "It was supposed to be a marriage of convenience – nothing more than a means to an end."

"But it has become something else, hasn't it, child? It's time you left the past behind. I repeat again: cherish what is developing between you and him. Be happy, Severus, in spite of Voldemort and war on the horizon."

Severus acquiesced in his usual manner: he was silent.

"I'll tell Headquarters that you'll drop by tomorrow evening and plan to stay for the remainder of the holiday...or maybe I should say this evening, considering that tomorrow is already today." Dumbledore continued, glancing at the grandfather clock in the corner and reaching for a sherbet lemon with a twinkle in his blue eyes as exasperation spread over Severus's face.

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