If the journey began with a contemplative cup of tea, the race to the finish line will need a strong dose of coffee. Wait for it...
Chapter 34
Bella pov
When her eyes drift open that distinctive stone mosaic pattern fills her vision. Wait, why is she staring at Sam's ceiling?
Groggily looking around, she realizes she's lying in bed. His bed. Wearing only his tee shirt.
Sitting up in one fluid motion that belies the feeling of her need to sleep for a week, Bella stretches her arms above her head, inhaling deeply. Wrapping her arms around her torso, she leans her head down to the side, nuzzling the soft material of his tee before even being aware that she's doing so.
The door swings open with a muted whine. Heat engulfs her face as she meets his eyes.
He strides to her with that long limbed animal grace, crawling onto the bed, hovering over her, just a touch away.
His heat is like a magnet to her. She lightly skims the tips of her fingers along his skin.
Then pressing more firmly against his hot bare chest, she rises to her knees so that he has to draw back a little. They sit opposite each other on the large bed, simply staring into each other's eyes.
"You kidnapped me." Bella says softly.
"I brought you home."
"I have to go. I'm going to Seattle today."
"It's not safe." He says immediately with the ease of a man accustomed to giving commands.
"I am not one of the pack, Sam. You can't stop me. You can't order me around."
"I don't want to do that."
Bella sighs. "I'm going to see my mother. She's meeting me in Seattle. I haven't seen her in awhile."
"Then you should go..." He adds quickly. "With patrol."
"Do you really think that's necessary? Does the pack ever patrol beyond the Rez, anyway?"
"I'd take the pack to the moon and back if that's where you were going."
"That's unfair Sam. You shouldn't make this decision for them just because I have to go out of town."
"I won't put you at risk, Bella." He looks at her, his eyes saying what he doesn't; 'I won't lose you.'
She can't help it. She closes the space between them, clambering on top of him. He wraps his arms around her as if it's the most natural thing in the world. She breathes him in, sliding her cheek along the smooth fiery skin of his chest. He rubs the rough pad of his thumb over the reddened skin at the crook of her neck. Other parts of her respond as if he's touching her everywhere.
She looks into his dark gaze. That terror grips her again. That he can get her to do anything he wants her to. He is an all encompassing forest fire to her senses. Eating her up with a blaze. If she hadn't realized how strong she'd become at surviving, she would have thought that his hurting her would be her destruction.
Bella pulls away and he lets her go.
Lifting her chin, she just lets the resentment pour out. "When I came back here, I could scent you on her. And then you came out of the woods and you ignored me. You didn't even look at me. I was so confused. You went to her and you took her in your arms and I couldn't stand the very sight of that. It didn't matter that whatever history you had happened before you met me. You never told me. I had to find out from her. And you know what the hardest part about all this is? Even if you'd still been with her, it wouldn't change the way I feel about you. I don't think anything ever will. Heaven knows, I'm not good at talking. You make me do things I never thought I'd be capable of. Like right now, I want to give in to that natural censor in me, to hold back from saying what I really feel out of the old habit of always keeping my thoughts to myself. But looking into your eyes just unlocks everything. I both love and hate when that happens."
"Bella, I can't possibly apologize enough because there's no level of sorry that could mean how much I regret not telling you. I know if the situation was reversed, I couldn't have handled it the way you have. I would have wanted to kill him. I can't ask your forgiveness. It's something you have to want to give me. I will do everything I can to not put you in a situation like that again. She had no right making herself at home here." Sam drags long fingers through his hair. "It'd be so easier if you could see into my head. I want you to know with or without my wolf, I'd choose you. Over and over again I would choose you, Bella. The wolf is roaring in me that you're mine. But I can't, I won't let him have the upper hand because then I would want to ultimately control you. I never want to order you the way I have to sometimes order the pack. You're too whole and beautiful to belong to anyone. I didn't just fall for you. I ran headlong into love with you. And I need you even if you don't need me."
"Sam, I love you. Nothing could ever change that. But if I had to, I would move on without you. It'd hurt more than I can ever hope to explain, but I could do it." Bella says.
"But I don't want to. And I don't want this imprinting to come between us. If she's your imprint which you say is not your soulmate, if there was ever such a thing, then who am I to you, Sam?"
"You're my wolf's mate but more than that, I want you to be my partner. I've been going about this the wrong way. I can only hope that we will get past this and you'd give me a chance to redeem myself."
"And Emily? Do you still need to help her?"
"I'm not tied to her Bella. No one else can break in the space you've filled in me. The Elders fed the pack a lot of misconceptions and imprinting was the biggest one of them all. I would help her if she needed my help. I wouldn't want any harm to come to her. But I've known even before I met you that she is not for me. It wasn't until Quil imprinted on a two year old child that the Elders finally understood that imprinting is not what they believed it to be. That it's not meant to be intimate."
"But you slept with Emily." Bella murmurs.
"Yes, I did. That was my decision, I let it happen. But we weren't right for each other. Intimacy has been redefined for me now, Bella. You did that. Anyone can touch and be touched by anyone. But it takes a deeper connection to be truly intimate. You showed me that. You say you're scared now? I've been there, baby. The more I got to know you, the more afraid I was of what I feel for you. And now I'm scared of losing you."
That impulse surges again to reassure him. But she can't speak, her comforting words dammed up by the lump in the pit of her throat. All she can do is shift closer to him, wrapping her arms around his bare hot shoulders again.
"I was so fucking jealous." Bella mutters.
"There's no reason for you to be." Sam says.
She glances at his face so close to hers. He's frowning, a slight drawing of his dark brows.
"You don't like to hear me curse, do you?"
"You can curse all day and I'd listen." Sam chuckles. "It's the wolf. He takes it as a sign of aggression. I want to kiss that growing potty mouth of yours senseless but my wolf instincts want to go further, to spank your ass and then thoroughly claim you all over again. Sometimes I have to battle his increasing need for control. When I marked you, I thought that his possessiveness of you would ease up. But I can't stop my wolf instincts from thinking of you as if you belong to me. It's like he wants to push you. Not push you away. But as if he's baiting you, somehow. Maybe the wolf wants to test how much he can get away with. "
He buries his hot face in the crook of her neck.
"If I gave the wolf his way, he'd want to lock you up and never let you out of his sight, Bella." His deep voice is muffled in her skin but Bella hears him loud and clear.
Her eyes flutter close, all her bones melting inside her, her body relaxing where she's seated on his sturdy thighs.
"And what do you think of that wolfy urge to control me?" She asks, slowly opening her eyes, her fingers sinking into the silky strands of hair at his nape.
He raises his head to look at her, his ebony eyes capturing her again. "Sometimes I think I'm not too far behind, Babygirl. If I thought I could get away with it..." His deep voice is almost serious.
Bella lightly slaps at his shoulder. "You wouldn't."
He cradles her face in his warm hands, the gently massaging tips of his fingers seem to make her very pores purr.
"No, I won't. I couldn't cage you. I've never been a possessive man, Bella."
"We'll figure out what's up with our wolf. Maybe he just needs that extra reassurance that I truly accept him. I want to spend sometime with you while you're phased. Maybe if I just hold him for a while, get to know your wolf better, you'll ease up on wanting to hold me down."
He pulls her closer into one of his hugs. Who would have thought heaven could feel so hot?
"I'm sending Jared to scope the scene out. You can spend time with your mother and he won't get in your way. I'd rather he went there than to have something happen and he didn't. No move is too much of an inconvenience where you're concerned, Bella."
"You're really sending him with me like some sort of bodyguard?"
"I would go myself but I think it'll be best if I patrol here. I wouldn't leave you alone and I know you want this time with your mother as you should."
"She'd love to meet you which I'm sure she will soon." She'd already told Charlie about her Seattle trip last night before he'd left for the station. He'd cautioned her to be careful on the road, grumbling about why Renee couldn't just come meet her in Forks.
"When you get back, will you come to the Elders with me? Billy discovered a missing part from the second journal, some new journal entries from the last wolf pack."
"What did they find out? That you can imprint twice?" Bella asks. Her lips involuntarily curl as she teases him.
"Don't think the wolf gods are that cruel." Sam says.
"How many journals are there?"
"There are three of them in all, the journals. Old Quil has the first one of which I have the original copy. And Billy has the second one."
"And what about the third?" Bella asks.
"No one has laid eyes on that for decades. It's known among the Elders as the lost journal. When you get back, will you come with me?"
"Yes. But right now, I have to get down to the hospital before I leave." Bella says, nuzzling his chest, the thud of his heart resounding along her lips. "I want to see Gran Lee."
"I'll drive you to the hospital."
Bella slips out of his arms reluctantly. "No I need to head back to Forks and pack a small bag first. It'll only be a few hours. But my mom could be unpredictable. I'm sure she must've booked a yoga class or something."
The look on his face is devastating. As if she's told him she's never coming back.
"Don't do that." Bella mumbles.
"Do what?"
"Look at me as if you'll never hold me again."
Taking a deep breath, she enters the sunny hued reception room of the Rez hospital. Sam had insisted she use his car and it would guarantee a smoother drive.
Sue is at the desk and she looks up as Bella approaches.
"Hi Bella. Didn't expect to see you here today. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. I came to visit Gran Lee. If that's alright."
"That's sweet of you. She's always asking about you, go right ahead. Right about now, she should be awake. The nurse was just with her a moment ago."
"Okay. Thanks." Bella turns to head to the stairs that would take her to Gran Lee's wing on the first floor. She couldn't stand the vertigo of the elevator...
"Bella?" Sue calls after her.
Bella turns back around. Sue comes around the desk walking to her. "I just want to apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable the last time you were here. It's just that I was a bit concerned about you and Sam. I resented you for allowing him to drag you into the secrets of the Rez. I guess I had the wrong idea about him. But it wasn't my place to judge."
Bella nods. "I probably shouldn't mention it here but he told me the Elders discovered some new material about the pack. He wants me to come to a meeting."
Sue smiles warmly. "Yes. Interesting stuff. And we look forward to telling both of you as well as the rest of the pack about the new journal entries we found."
She pats Bella on the shoulder going back to her desk.
Her interest about what the Elders unearthed even more piqued, Bella takes the stairs two at a time. Surprisingly she doesn't trip once.
She's heading to Gran Lee's room when she hears a voice, not Gran Lee's, saying urgently. "The last remaining journal was entrusted to you, Lee. You can't keep this from the tribe!"
Bella slows to a stop just outside Gran Lee's room. The door is wide open so the voices carry easily to where she's standing outside in the corridor.
Gran Lee's voice echoes through the room, clear and crisp. "We both know how you really feel about the wolves, Quil. Don't you think I forgot what you did."
If she had never seen Gran Lee before, Bella would think her a woman in possession of all her mental faculties. She sounded years younger unlike the raspy, blank humming she'd fallen into the last time Bella had visited.
"Then you would remember the reason why I did it! He ruined her!" The other voice says with mounting agitation.
Gran Lee had referred to this other person as Quil. The quavery but firm male voice had to belong to Old Quil, one of the Elders.
Bella knows she should probably leave and wait until Gran Lee is alone again to visit. But she's rooted where she stands, her back plastered against the wall just beside the open door but out of sight. Curiosity rearing its head, she couldn't help but listen in.
"You can't stop what's about to happen, Quil. It's out of your hands. Marie lives on in that one. The Uley wolf phased first. She has joined with her mate yet the light is still dim now. But it is being fanned to flames."
Old Quil makes an impatient sound, huffing out a breath. "Goodness, woman! What does that even mean?"
"This alpha is not as trusting as your brother was, Quil. If he knew how you really feel about the pack, he would kill you with his bare hands." Gran Lee states, her bright voice at odds with the seriousness of what she said.
"Where is the journal?" Old Quil demands.
"In the woods. Where you will never find it." Gran Lee's voice grows frail now, each utterance more faded out than the last.
"Don't you go forgetting now Lee! Remember dammit!"
"There is only one person I will give it to. When she is ready. Now leave me you Judas. Go away with your misplaced bitterness with things that are beyond your self-prescribed power. Leave me now."
"I will find that journal, Lee." The determined note in Old Quil's stern voice disturbs Bella. Should she intervene now? She didn't want him upsetting Gran Lee any further...
The angry scraping sound of a chair warns her that Old Quil is about to leave. His footsteps draw closer to the door. Bella stiffens, sliding against the wall before walking away quickly. She wouldn't make it to the stairs. Barely ducking into the elevator, she hears his footsteps echoing along the hall.
Hastily pushing the button to the ground floor, for the first time she's grateful to make use of the elevator, breathing out a sigh of relief when the door closes.
The growling alarm in her tummy feeds the whim to make a quick stop for lunch at the diner before she meets up with Jared at the last stop leading out of Forks. She can't believe she's already hungry again. Exiting her truck, she jumps slightly when she hears her name being called from across the parking lot.
Bella looks up. Angela is waving at her, all big smiles.
"I came here for takeout but seeing you're here, how about we have lunch if you're not in a hurry?" Angela says.
"Sure. That'd be great. But it'd have to be a quick one."
They both walk in and Cora greets them with a huge grin, showing them to the seating area framed by one of the two large bay windows. When Bella newly returned to Forks had first had dinner here with Charlie, Cora had proudly proclaimed that she'd been with the diner even before Bella left Forks as a toddler.
"Garden burger?" Cora states with the confidence of knowing the preference Bella regularly chooses whenever she dines here.
Bella returns the woman's beam. "I'll have the beef this time Cora. Medium rare, please."
"Oh...ok sure." She says.
Angela orders a chicken Caesar. Bella attempts another smile but Old Quil's and Gran Lee's conversation still echoes in her head. She really wants to see Gran Lee now. It'd be the first order of business when she returns from Seattle...
"Can you believe it? We're officially out of Forks High! I never thought I'd see the day." Angela smiles. "You know how I'm always documenting stuff? I decided I'm going to major in journalism. Almost missed the application deadline but thank goodness, I got it in on time."
"Wow, Ange, that sounds great. I'm sure you must have sent in a really stellar portfolio. You know, from all the pictures and articles you did for the school paper."
"I hope so. What about you? What do you plan to do?"
"Literature has always been my strength." Or weakness. Bella thinks about the nightmare of her past that she'd mistaken for a fairytale. "I'm applying for the associate of arts via distance study. Staying in Forks."
"Really? You're staying? I thought you'd want to leave here. Because of..."Angela trails off uncertainly.
"I have better reasons to stay." Bella says softly, pulling the strand of hair she'd wrapped around her finger tightly.
"Do those reasons involve that really hot guy who met you after school?"
"He's one of them." Bella admits. "But really there's something about Forks that I don't think I'd find anywhere else."
"You sound so sure. About staying here I mean."
"One thing I've learned is nothing is ever a sure thing." Bella says. "But before I came here last fall, I spent most of my life moving and I just want to break that pattern for a while. It feels good to have roots, to feel so at home in the place I was born. There's no one who can take away that comfort of finally belonging somewhere."
The moment she said that, something inexplicably hardened within her with resolve. Whether she was Sam's mate or not, she belongs here. And most importantly she belongs to no one but to herself. And he knows that even if his wolf doesn't. Bella bites her lip, squirming a little in her seat.
If she belongs to no one but herself then why the hell did she feel like her very skin is parched, itching for his touch like a quench of water? Just the mere thought of his dominant wolf instincts glazes her panties. She hasn't even left Forks yet but she already misses him as if she hasn't seen him for weeks!
"So you're not staying because of that unnaturally hot guy but because you love it here?" Angela says with a cheeky smile.
Bella giggles. Angela had always been easy to talk to. She's glad she decided to have lunch with her. Talking with another girl her own age put some things in perspective for her, things she'd known down to her marrow but hadn't really acknowledged.
"Yes. I'm staying and studying online because I love Forks." Bella says.
Staying in one place for the rest of her life may be the price she has to pay for loving him. But her heart had been awakened to its true home. All the other places she'd lived with Renee had been just a roof over her head. Here, she feels all her usual inhibition and awkwardness stretching its wings and breaking free from her. It's as if she'd gained a sixth sense, an amplified awareness of what most people took for granted.
What Sam wishes he could take for granted. Being vulnerably human.
The mystery convo with Old Quil and Gran Lee snares her again. She has to talk to Gran Lee. Find out if she would give answers to the questions swirling in Bella's head. Something about Old Quil made her uneasy. And not because he'd blatantly shown how fond he is of her. Could the Elder actually mean harm towards Sam? The very idea is almost laughable.
Then a figment of the dream she'd had with Marie holding that baby and the gunshot echoing in the trees makes her jump as if she'd actually just heard it.
"Bella? You okay?" Angela asks.
"Yeah. Fine. Excuse me, I'll just be a minute."
Bella closes the bathroom door behind her, the phone already pressed to her ear. He answers on the second ring.
"Babygirl. Have you met Jared yet?"
"No I just stopped off at the diner. When I was at the hospital, I sort of overheard Old Quil speaking to Gran Lee. He accused her of keeping the last remaining journal and she admitted as much. She mentioned Marie, my great grandmother again. Then she told Old Quil that you would kill him if you knew how he really felt about the pack." Bella feels ridiculous now. Old Quil is an Elder on the Quileute Council. What ill-will could he possibly have against the pack?
"Funny, he's the one Elder who considers the legends holy grail. But he does fear us more than the other Elders. I'll keep an eye on him."
"Most likely it's nothing. I just thought you should know though now I feel silly for ratting on him. I mean what could he do, right?"
"You're looking out for me." His husky voice teases her ear through the phone. A shallow breath whooshes from her. Her nipples stiffen almost painfully, prodding at the thin lace and cotton of her bra and the drum of her heart increases in tempo. She thinks he can hear it through the phone when he inhales sharply.
"Bella."
"Sam."
"Do you want me to come for you."
"Always."
He chuckles, a low sensual sound. "I mean if you want me to meet you there. Throw you over my shoulder and bring you back home eith me. Maybe we won't even make it back to the Rez before you come."
"Stay where you are." Bella says desperately.
"Enjoy your time with your mom and hurry back to me Babygirl." His rough cadence lingers even after she's disconnected the call.
When she emerges, Cora is placing their orders on the table.
Fuel for the long rive, Bella thinks, stripping the burger of its toasty bun. Grabbing a fork, she ignores the crispy fries, scraping off the frills from her burger before attempting to transfer her appetite for him to her food.
She and Angela part with a hug with the requisite promise to keep in touch and then she's off.
Renee might make it to Seattle before she does.
Bella sighs, her eyes seeing the road but all her other senses are plugged into the constant hard drive wired to her thoughts. A hard drive named Sam.
She thinks of him so much it seems as if he is programmed into her head. She can almost scent him as if he's right next to her, the thought of him touching her seems more than just in her mind, she can still feel the effects of the rough caress of his callused hand. She can still taste the tangy firmness of his lips...
She wouldn't admit it to him but a big part of her could now understand how he didn't tell her about imprinting when they'd been together. She could understand from that happy place he always takes her to where she forgets everything else but him.
Would she have told him about Edward if he wasn't a shape shifter and he hadn't discovered her lost in the woods, abandoned by his enemy? Would she have told him how much she'd wanted to change just to please someone who told her himself that she wasn't right for him?
Most likely not. She would have wanted to shut that door and throw away the key. If Sam hadn't known, she would have found it incredibly difficult to tell him about a boy who had made her feel like yesterday's garbage when he made her feel as if she is the center of his world.
Even if she'd known about Emily sooner, she knows in her heart that wouldn't have deterred her from being with him.
She had her past and he had his.
It was just that in her case, that physical boundary with Edward had never been broken and not for a lack of her trying! Thank God for his uptight, prudish ways, Bella thinks gleefully. When he left she'd been forced to confront the illusion of who she thought she was.
She'd been sipping tea, playing a role until the teacup shattered in her face, knocking her down. The reality of him had smacked her awake like a splash of strong coffee. For the past couple months, it feels like she's been introduced to someone she'd never met before, someone she was vaguely aware of but had ignored. Herself.
The thing with Sam is that she hasn't forgotten who she is when she's with him. She doesn't long to be unnaturally beautiful or perfect. She just is. A somewhat frail clumsy, quiet girl with a penchant for plants and books.
If she loses Sam, she knows she will survive. But it's how she would survive. It is something she doesn't ever want to find out.
Shaking her head gruffly in an attempt to pry loose her pensive frame of mind, Bella looks ahead at the last stretch of road before it branches to Forks Main Road.
Even the trees on either side of the road seem to echo her reluctance to leave, shedding a shower of yellowed leaves that swirl on the same gentle breeze ruffling her hair from the lowered window.
Jared is just up ahead standing at the border of trees. He grins as she pulls over so he could get in.
"Let's get on with this road trip, baby."
Apparently, flirting is as natural to the pack as breathing.
Bella shakes her head with a good natured greeting but everything within her wishes it is Sam sitting here next to her.
Unknown POV
A slow smile cracks the unnatural smoothness of his face.
His eyes glow as he imagines their territory littered with bodies; the mutilated ones of the pack of beasts and the drained ones of the entire Reservation.
He surveys the scene before him with the cold calculation he'd gleaned from his mentors these past few months.
"I have some unfinished business at our next stop. Their world as they know it will never be the same again."
The mass of newly turned stand before him, faces shrouded, nodding their heads as one like a morbidly silent grey creature of more than a dozen cloaks.
Pulling his own cloak closer to his face, he continues to speak quietly knowing they would still hear. "There are more than enough of us to handle the wolves before we join the rest. We don't want to disappoint our new Monarch."