DISCLAIMER: TRC IS NOT MINE! Thank you.
Thanks to everyone who reviews! I love that warm, fuzzy feeling I get when I know people read this! And thanks to Arin, who's the only one who dares give me constructive criticism :P I appreciate it. (and it's all true! All of it! Now I want to rewrite all of the story…!XD)
Recort, Recort, Recort… Writing this makes me so nostalgic. I hope it doesn't show too much in my writing… I almost feel like I'm writing this in retrospect of Tokyo, even though I shouldn't. So many of you told me you couldn't wait for Acid Tokyo… well, let me tell you that I definitely can! ^_^ I feel like I'm going to cry when writing it. It's when everything falls apart… Anyways, we're not there yet, so enjoy Recort!
Oh, and pictures… I'm working on that. They're not scanning, cause my pencil is too light… I'll try to have a few up by the next chapter. Speaking of which – just thought of this – but school started this week, so my updates will probably get further apart until winter break. Anyways, and for real this time, enjoy!
XxX
Fai knocks softly on the door to the sickbay.
"Yes?" we hear coming from the other side. It's Syaoran. Fai opens the door just a crack and peaks his head inside.
"Is the conversation over?" he asks, and I can almost hear the phony smile pasted on his lips.
"Yes," Syaoran answers. Fai opens the door wide to let us all through. I breathe a sigh of relief; Syaoran looks much better than when we left. He's found his smile again. Pouring his heart out probably helped.
I was planning on acting calm and collected, but when I see Kurogane, my heart clenches painfully. He looks at me, and my heart clenches again; he knows. He knows what I know. And I haven't told him, for which I have no excuse. All of Fai's well-meant efforts shatter. I avoid his gaze.
"We've found information regarding Sakura's feather!" Mokona says happily, bounding on Syaoran's bed.
"Are you alright, Syaoran-kun?" Fai asks. The boy nods, smiling.
"Yes," he says. "Thank you." Sakura observes him worriedly, but no external signs betray the trouble Syaoran was under not even an hour ago.
Suddenly, a loud growl echoes through the room. We freeze, exchanging puzzled glances. Mokona's the first to speak, sadly looking down.
"Mokona's hungry…" he says. "Somewhat painful…" At that moment, Sakura's stomach growls as well. She blushes and presses her hands to her belly, as though that could silence it.
"S-sorry…" she mumbles.
"It is time," Fai shrugs, fatalist. "Can't be helped!"
"I'm sorry," Syaoran says. "I didn't wake up until now…"
"That's okay," I reply. "It's not your fault." He will not blame himself for anything that happened today; I will make sure of that. The poor boy has enough things to shoulder.
"I'm hungry too. Let's go to that place we just found," Fai offers.
"Yay!" Mokona exclaims, jumping on Kurogane's face. The ninja's skin turns a colour between that of ripe strawberries and apricots, and I see a vein popping near his temple.
"The place you found just now?" Syaoran asks, surprised.
"Yes," Fai answers. "It's a café, nearby. It smelled good." The boy looks down.
"I think our conversation lasted longer than I thought," he comments.
"You take all the time you need," I say firmly. "We got busy." He nods, then looks up at me. He smiles.
"I'm glad you were able to find information about the feather," he says. I peer into his eyes. He doesn't know. He's just truly grateful that I'm helping him find Sakura's feather, maybe even that I took over to give him rest. After what he saw, he's still ready to think about others. Tears prick at my eyes again.
"Yeah, well, we had some help," I say, thinking of the helpful clerk. "Now, while you guys get ready, I'd like to go check something…" Fai and Sakura look at me curiously. "I was thinking to make a copy of the book, so that we could show them the design," I say. "We forgot to do that." Really, I'm searching an excuse to get away from Syaoran before I start crying.
"That's a good idea," Sakura says. I nod.
"I remember where Fai left it, I'll be right back," I say, then rush out the door before anyone can ask any questions. I find the book just where Fai left it. I feel a sudden urge to open it, just to see if there really is nothing written there, but I stop myself. After all, do I really want the next person who opens this book to see my entire past? Or, on the chance that someone opened it before me… do I want to see that person's memories?
I press firmly on the book to keep it from opening. My feet take me to the back of the library, where the clerk said the photocopier would be. I do find a machine there, its shape vaguely reminiscent of its Hanshin homonym. But when I approach it, not only do I remember that I don't know the language, I also remind myself that almost everything here works by magic. That could be a problem. I consider walking back to the office to ask for help, but decide against it. The whole point of this was to be alone. I guess I'll just have to figure out a way to make this machine work.
I place the book, face down, on the surface I assume to be left for this purpose. Then I stare at the board full of strange symbols, wondering which ones to press. I'm still caught in my reverie when a voice rises behind me.
"Are you almost done?" It's a female voice, sharp and musical, and I turn around swiftly, startled. The woman in front of me is short, maybe in her mid-fifties, with blond hair so fair it seems white escaping in wisps from her hat. She smiles up at me, seeming amused. "My, my, and I who pride myself in knowing all the young faces of this city. What's your name, dear?"
"A… Aisha…" I mutter, taken aback. The woman shows such magnetism that I can't help but answer her.
"Did you just move here? If so, I can't wait to have you in my class," she says. I shake my head.
"I'm sorry, but I don't live here. I… I'm traveling, we just stopped here to do some research…" I turn to the photocopier, and the question shoots out on its own. "Could you help me with this thing?" The woman laughs softly.
"Don't you know runes, child? Or do they use a different writing system, where you come from?"
"Oh… they have a different one," I say. "Kanji? Do you know it?" She shakes her head, never departing of her smile.
"No, I've never heard of it," she admits. "But here, let me show you a bit of this." She steps in front of me, and begins pressing on the strange symbols. Every time she does, the symbol lights up in pale blue, until the machine begins buzzing with a low hum. "It'll only take a few moments from here," she tells me. I nod. As we stand there together, watching the machine buzz to life, I feel obligated to speak.
"So…" I say hesitantly, searching for something to talk about. "You said that you couldn't wait to have me in your class… Are you…?"
"I'm a teacher at the Institute. I teach Magic and Enchantments, all levels," she answers. "All the young ones pass by at least one of my classes, which is why I was surprised that I didn't recognize you."
"Ah." My heart starts pounding. She teaches magic, which means she might know things that could help me. Like all the other inhabitants of this country, magic pulses through her being, but I hadn't thought much of it until now. "Could I… ask you a few questions?" She looks curiously over her shoulder.
"Go ahead, I have nothing to hide," she chuckles. I shake my head.
"It's just that… I'm learning magic too, but…"
"What is that barrette sealing, child?" she interrupts me, reaching for my face. I pull back. Her hand falls back at her side. "I'm sorry, I should have asked," she says softly. I shake my head.
"No, it's me, I'm…" I look away, "I'm a little jumpy these days." Her eyes peer into mine, gentle.
"If I ask you what is being sealed away from you, will you answer me?" she asks. I gulp. She's a stranger, but maybe she can help. Still, I don't really want her to know so much about me.
"Memories," I finally say. "I don't know why. I've had it for as long as I can remember. That's why I wanted to talk to you."
"You'd like me to remove it?" She's kind, but her eyes are sad. "I'm afraid doing so would be tricky business. Later, maybe, but not here. Definitely not here." I feel my heart drop.
"Why not?"
"That would be horribly irresponsible, dear. So many things could happen – you could fall unconscious, or have an anxiety attack." She seems truly sorry. "If you'd like, you can contact me at a later date, we could arrange something in a more secure environment. Here, you can reach me at this address." She pulls out a small card from her purse – probably a professor like her needs business cards – and hands it to me. I smile and take it, but I know there won't be any hope on that front. Tomorrow we are probably going to the Central Library, and after that… we'll be off to another worlds before you know it. That's the way things work.
"Is there anything else bothering you, child?" the woman asks. I shake my head.
"No, that's all, thank you," I answer like an automaton. She eyes me suspiciously. I smile. The machine beeps.
"Ah! There, it's all done. Which book did you want to copy?" she asks curiously as I pick up the sheet where the design is clearly printed. She takes the book, flips it around to look at the cover and frowns. Her lips move silently, then she looks at me. "It won't work, you know," she says. I lift my head up.
"Huh?"
"Trying to see your own memories using the book, or asking somebody else to witness them and tell you what they are. It won't work," she says, for the first time looking at me sternly. My heart jumps. I hadn't even thought of that. But she shakes her head. "If your memories are sealed off even from yourself, they won't be transferred to the book. It can't work." I nod contritely, acting as though that had been my plan all along.
"I'm sorry," I say, taking the book from her. Her expression softens.
"It must be difficult, knowing there is a part of you that you can't see," she says. "But you can't become desperate. You need to stay turned towards the present, not the past."
"Okay," I sigh, pretending to be disappointed. It's easier to pretend she's right than to explain the reason behind our interest with the book.
"Raki-chan! Where are you? We're ready!" I hear Fai's voice call from somewhere in the library, much louder than was necessary. I cringe. The woman looks at me curiously.
"You said your name was Aisha…?" she starts, visibly puzzled.
"It is," I say, scowling. "He's an idiot." She chuckles.
"You must be close," she comments, which causes me to stiffen.
"We are not close!" I hiss softly, and she laughs even more. Then she looks to the direction where the others must be, and her whole body tenses, like a dog on a trail. She blinks, and then it's over.
"He's the one who teaches you magic?" she asks. My eyebrows shoot up, surprised.
"Umm, yes," I say. "Informally," I add with a small laugh. She smiles.
"Could you not ask him to remove that seal? His powers are quite impressive." I shake my head.
"He won't use magic anymore. He promised someone that he wouldn't use it, so he can't help me." There must be bitterness in my voice, because she looks up to me.
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," she says thoughtfully. "One can't give up magic so easily. It attaches itself so deeply to your soul, it's often impossible to stop, even when one wants to desperately. Magic becomes a part of you." She looks up again. "There is another reason you won't go to him, isn't there? That you would rather trust a perfect stranger with your secrets than tell them to him?" I shrug.
"I don't know what you mean," I answer. "I just take help wherever I can find it."
"You sense danger in him," she states plainly, looking once again in the direction where the voice came from. I freeze, and she smiles to me. In her eyes I see something like pity. I step back, my eyes growing cold. I don't want anybody's pity. "I don't think you're a seer, child, it most likely isn't premonition," she adds, then, to my doubtful look, "but yes, it is real." She taps my arm. "Most of the times, such warnings are more of the heart than of the conscious mind." I frown.
"What?" I ask, not sure that I understand.
"Have you been hurt before?" she asks, and once again I see it. Pity. I back away.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I say coolly, just as Sakura pokes her head from behind a bookshelf.
"Aisha! There you are! I found her!" she calls over her shoulder. "You weren't answering, we were starting to worry." I force a smile on my lips.
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I held her up," the woman says apologetically. "It was my fault."
"I'm coming Sakura, I'm sorry," I say, gathering my things and leaving with the princess. "Thank you for helping with the machine," I add as an afterthought, then disappear. I don't want to stay with that woman, I don't want to talk to her again. I slip her card between two books on a nearby shelf. I can't read it anyways. I don't want anyone to pity me. Sakura seems perplexed at my sullen mood, but says nothing.
"Did you… um…"
"I got the copy," I say, brandishing it in the air. Then I smile, softly, because I know I'm scaring her. "I'm sorry, that woman was… difficult." Sakura seems worried.
"Did she say anything to make you upset?" she asks. I sigh.
"Not so much said as implied… but I don't think she wanted to be mean or anything, she was just… aggravating," I answer carefully, then turn to ruffle her hair. "And let's not worry about that, okay? It's over now." I grin. Sakura risks a timid smile.
"Alright," she agrees.
"There you are!" Fai exclaims, appearing suddenly in front of us. Mokona jumps towards us, and I catch him.
"Aisha, Syaoran's been ready to leave for hours! You made us wait in glorious agony!" he whines, pitifully fainting in my palm. I sigh.
"'Glorious agony'? Since when do you write poetry?" I reply. The fur-ball jumps up.
"Mokona's always been a poet!" he exclaims indignantly. I nod, skeptic.
"Really," I say.
"Really! Mokona used to make Yuuko cry with his poetry!" Although the idea of that witch crying is laughable, I contain myself.
"Anyways," I say, "I thought you were waiting for me to go eat?"
"Yes! We were! In fact, Mokona is in pain right now! And so is Kurogane! Kurogane is in a lot of pain! He told me so!" My smile twitches at the mention of Kurogane, but I try not to show it.
"I never said anything like that!" the ninja roars, coming into my field of vision. Syaoran scurries after him. When my eyes meet the ninja's, I smile, pretending everything is fine. His gaze is hard. I gulp, but the smile stays. Magic is not the only thing Fai has taught me.
XxX
"It is in the largest library of the country," Fai explains to Syaoran and Kurogane. I lift up my cup for one of the flying teapots. The sky-blue ceramic pot pours hot coffee directly in my matching teacup, then flies away with a whistle. The sound of wings flapping fills the small terrace of the café we've seen earlier, and now retreated to. I also grab a sandwich from the plate in the center of the table, my stomach still grumbling. It turns out that I was hungry too.
"Though it seems that it will be a little difficult to get to it…" the mage adds thoughtfully. Syaoran perks up. He was still studying the picture of the original book.
"Why? Is it very far?" he asks. Sakura nods.
"We'll have to take a vehicle to get there," she answers.
"A train, apparently," I add.
"How many days will it take?" the boy asks, and I can see that he is already forming a plan in his head.
"It's nothing like that," Fai says, smiling.
"Then what is so difficult?" Syaoran asks, surprised. The mage shrugs.
"Because – there are only valuable books in that library," he answers.
"Some people would like to steal them," Mokona adds, taking a bite from a sandwich. "Therefore, to keep hateful people from doing such things, there are powerful watchdogs."
"Really?" Now it's my turn to perk up, surprised. "When did we learn that, exactly?"
"What?" Fai seems amused. "She mentioned it when we were going to show her the book. Didn't you hear?" I shake my head.
"I wasn't really listening," I admit, prompting the mage to laugh. I'm sitting beside Kurogane and the air is tense in that direction, although less than I had expected. I try to avoid the ninja's eyes as much as possible. When I see him, I can't help but to see the young boy staring back at me through those crimson eyes, and I see him desperately clutching his mother's body, his father's sword. But I'm too afraid to admit that to him.
"So, when can we go?" Syaoran asks. I pull out the map and train schedule. The clerk has circled our destination in red ink, as well as the train we should take to get there.
"It should take us only an hour and a half to get there," I start, "and trains leave twice a day, once in the morning and another in the afternoon." Although the writing is foreign to me, they use the same number system as in my country, which enables me to interpret the schedule quite accurately.
"Do we have enough time to catch the afternoon train?" the boy asks. I shake my head.
"Tomorrow," I say. "We'll go tomorrow." The table eyes me curiously. I shake my head. "First of all," I explain, "we barely have the time to catch the afternoon train, and that's if we hurry. And secondly, I don't know if we've been living in separate worlds all this time, but I remember that yesterday we were all in a race, most of us got injured, although slightly, then everyone partied until morning, and I haven't slept in two days, and I am tired. I want to sleep." I sound like a whiny child, even to myself. But everything I said is true. I would be able to fall asleep now, at this table, with no incentive. I try not to make it too plain, but I think my thoughts can easily be read in my eyes: we just found a feather. Can't we take a break?
"Well," Syaoran starts, "we do have enough money to purchase a room for the night…"
"Just a small one," Mokona adds, "but that's okay."
"And still have enough to buy tickets tomorrow," Fai adds, apparently counting on his fingers. I nod thankfully. There's another reason I want to wait before going to the library; I need time, to find a way to talk to Kurogane before he thinks I'm both a spy and a liar. I don't know how he feels about my seeing his memories. Things seem fine with Syaoran; they even seem a little closer than they used to be. But Syaoran came clean and told him right away what he had seen. I'm still hiding. And nothing in my behaviour says that I will tell.
"Besides, I think we all need the rest," Syaoran adds sheepishly. "I didn't sleep much last night either." I can tell he's disappointed, but I smile graciously.
"The book will still be there tomorrow," I reassure him. He nods.
"I know," he says, but he's impatient. I bow my head.
"Listen, if you really want to go today-" I start.
"No!" Both he and Sakura exclaim at the same time. My eyes widen, taken aback. I wasn't expecting such a violent response.
"Aisha, you're tired, and we all are, and you're right, we all need to rest," Sakura says determinedly.
"We won't do something if we're not ready for it," Syaoran adds, and for the first time his tone does not allow me to respond. I sigh, defeated and confused, but secretly happy.
XxX
We walk into the small room, the biggest one we've been able to afford on our budget. I look critically at the two beds on either side of the narrow room. I know what everyone is thinking: how are we all going to sleep?
"Well," I say after a moment, "if we don't take too much space we can fit two on each bed."
"But what about Fai?" Mokona asks worriedly. I turn around, lifting an eyebrow.
"How do you know I'll be the one with no bed?" the mage asks, looking overdramatically wounded.
"Because Aisha and Sakura will sleep together, and Kurogane and Syaoran will sleep together," the fur-ball answers as though it were obvious. "So there's no place for Fai!"
"Kuro-puppy won't sleep with me?" Fai whines, his chin shaking. "You're so cruel!" The ninja looks away with a grunt.
"Someone could always sleep on the ground," Syaoran offers.
"That would be fine, except that we don't have anything to sleep on other than those mattresses. No," I decide. "If we push them together, someone should be able to sleep on the crack between the beds."
"Hmmm…" Fai starts thoughtfully, "then we'd have to sleep very close together." He sends me a sideways glance and grins teasingly. "Very close together." I grimace as I understand his words.
"Pervert!" I reply, and I feel my cheeks burn against my will. I turn away. "You are not getting anywhere close to Sakura." There's a knowing smile on his face, a smile that I don't like one bit. Did I just dream Kurogane stepping closer to me?
The princess seems confused. "Ah… what do you… Aisha?" she says, blushing, probably understanding more than she lets on. Syaoran's eyes grow wide, and they dive towards the floor.
"We're leaving," I announce, taking her wrist and pulling her towards the door. "Away from Fai and his horrible male hormones!"
"What's wrong with my hormones? You don't like them?"
"Shut up!" I shriek, stomping out of the room furiously. Sakura follows me, looking back.
"Ah! Um… we'll just be outside!" she calls for the boys. Just before I close the door behind us, I hear Fai's voice.
"Kuro-puu, say, what are hormones?"
"I don't give a damn."
XxX
We didn't stay away long. Only thirty seconds later Sakura convinced me to go back, and I did, after swearing under my breath to every possible god that Fai would be sleeping nowhere near us tonight.
We slid both beds until they met in the middle of the room, allowing for one more of us to sleep in between both mattresses, half on one and half on the other. With the rest of the evening to pass, we left to get some quick supper in a small restaurant nearby. We have to be very careful with our money, as we need to buy tickets to the Central Library tomorrow, and we have nothing left to sell. I feel a little bad for urging us into staying the night, but everyone assures me that it was the right thing to do. Except Kurogane. We haven't spoken yet.
Finally, after hours of tense silence, I approach him.
"How's your wrist?" I ask softly, sitting on the bed next to him and taking his left hand into mine. He doesn't say anything. I pass my thumb on his wound. It's healing well, all closed now, and barely red. All that should be left is a thin pale scar against his tan skin. But the muscles are tense when I touch it, and I know that even thought Kurogane would never admit it, it's painful.
"How's yours?" he asks gruffly, gesturing towards my leg. I smile.
"It's fine," I say. "Thanks." He shrugs, but doesn't pull his hand away. I begin flexing his wrist this way and that, gently working the muscle. There's another silence. The kids and Mokona are downstairs in the inn's small bath chambers, cleaning up, so the only ones left in the room are Kurogane and me, as well as Fai, sitting on a chair in the corner, observing us. I don't know what we're waiting for; perhaps we're both waiting for the other to initiate the discussion, maybe we're waiting for Fai to leave. I have a feeling he doesn't want to speak in front of the mage as much as I do. These are Kurogane's memories, and they should belong to him alone.
And they should not, especially not, be in my head.
"Where did you learn this?" Kurogane asks suspiciously, taking his wrist away. I look down instinctively.
"I, um… In Shura, I had sore muscles, and… it's just a massage," I explain timidly. I don't know why I shrink in front of him. Maybe because I know I have the upper hand, and I want to bring us back to equality.
"In Shura?" Fai asks, leaning forward. "Who showed you that, Ricky?"
"Henrik," I correct irritably, clucking my tongue. He grins mischievously.
"Isn't that what I said? Harvey."
"Henrik."
"Harry?"
"Shut up." But this is not my voice. Kurogane is looking directly at the mage, and I think I see Fai cringe slightly. He must be glaring. "The kid has a name, it's not so hard to remember. Shit." He lets his hand fall back between us, but when I pick it up this time he doesn't pull away. I think I'm actually waiting for my healing magic to act, but because I want it too, of course it'll remain unreachable. We sit in silence again, until I speak.
"Um, Fai, would you mind…?" I glance at the door. I don't even have to finish my sentence, because the mage is already standing. He looks from me to Kurogane, then nods and heads for the hallway.
"I'll just see what's taking the kids so long," he says, although we don't need for him to excuse us for throwing him out. Still, I'm grateful. I don't feel as bad that way. After sending us another quizzical glance, Fai steps out. The silence is even tenser than it used to be. I sneak a sideways glance in Kurogane's direction, only to find out he's doing the same to me. I stifle a laugh. His mouth stretches into the shadow of a smile.
"You're hiding again," he informs me. "You know I hate that." My smile vanishes. Taking a deep breath, I stand up, and turn to face him. I don't know if I'm scared or ashamed, but I find that I can't look at him in the eyes, so my gaze locks on the shiny brass buttons on his jacket.
"Kuro-sama," I start, my voice sounding distant, "I don't really understand… what I saw." Now that I've started, I can't stop. I know that he knows, so hiding it any longer is pointless. "When Syaoran had the book today, I… I saw things too. I didn't know what they were, or how they fit with you, but then we found out about the book, and… I wanted to tell you, but I wasn't sure, and Syaoran… I'm sorry!" There are tears pricking at my eyes, and soon they are rolling down my cheeks as the man sitting in front of me once again becomes the boy in the book, and I'm not sure if I'm apologizing for seeing his memories or for the pain in his eyes when he saw his mother die. All the tension between us, my unexpressed fear at discovering what the book held, my pain and sorrow felt for Kurogane from the bottom of my heart, everything melts into tears and turns into sobs. My hands instinctively find my shoulders and I clutch my arms to my chest. I wish I could hold the boy there as well, but all I grasp is emptiness. Then there is a hand on my head.
"I know," Kurogane's voice says, oddly soft. "It's okay. Don't beat yourself up for it." I look up to him, but his image is blurry through the tears.
"But…!" I exclaim, trying to find the words. "Those are yours! Your memories, not mine, not anyone else's! I shouldn't know… I shouldn't know anything without your permission!" The hand grips the back of my head a little tighter.
"It's the past," he says. "It's over. And I don't mind you knowing it. I know about your parents, don't I?"
"It's not the same," I sob, slowly regaining control of my breathing. "I told you. You never wanted me to see this. You didn't even know!"
"I did. When the boy told me about it." I shake my head.
"By then it was too late," I reply. I wipe my tears away on my sleeve. "We already saw it. It was too late."
"Listen." This time, the voice is gruffer, more authoritative. "I don't care, do you hear me? If you would have asked, I would have told you anyways."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better," I say, but my vision is clearer now and I can see his eyes. Sincere. I realize he probably would have told me. I smile sadly. "How did you figure it out?"
He shrugs. "You screamed. When you let go of the book. And then you looked at me. Your eyes were wet. So when the kid told me what he saw…"
"You knew I had seen the same thing," I conclude. "But not really the same, I don't think. I think he saw more than I did." He held the book much longer than I did. If only a second was enough to see everything I had seen, I can't imagine what kind of knowledge Syaoran might now have.
"What did you see?" It's the first time the ninja displays any sort of concern for what I might know. I take a deep breath.
"You don't have to explain any of it to me," I say. "It's very… incomplete, I think." I tell him what I saw, from the little boy in the tree to the death of his parents, and the little girl who called herself Tomoyo. When I'm done, we stay silent. Then his hand, still poised on my head, starts ruffling my hair.
"It's fine," he says. "Stop crying, goddamnit!" This makes me laugh, surprising even myself.
"I'm sorry," I say, chuckling into my palm. He looks down at me seriously.
"Don't say you're sorry."
"No, I mean… I shouldn't laugh." I stop myself. "It's not funny." But then flashbacks start attacking me again, and tears start to pool. Kurogane's head drops in frustration.
"If you're either going to laugh or cry, I'd honestly rather you laugh," he sighs. I shake my head.
"It's okay," I say hoarsely, wiping the tears away. "I won't cry anymore." He looks at me wearily, as though expecting me to break down any minute. But I mean it. Just the fact that he's waiting for it means that he's already seen me cry too much.
"It wasn't your fault," he finally says. "Anything that happened. My past either, okay? Don't worry about it." I nod, still fighting tears.
"Does Syaoran know? That I saw it too?" He shrugs.
"I didn't tell him. I don't think he noticed, he was pretty much out of it," he says gruffly.
"Can you… not tell him, please?" I ask. "I'll do it, it's just… I'd rather tell him. When I have to." After a moment's hesitation, he nods.
"Alright," he says. "It's yours to tell, after all." There's another moment of silence. I'm thinking of what I saw, and small details begin to clarify in my head.
"Kuro-sama," I finally say, almost in a whisper, "when your mother… the man that was holding the sword… was his arm really…?" I don't know how to say it without sounding stupid. But when I look up, I don't see a hint of annoyance in his eyes, and I think that he probably expected me to ask.
"Yes," he says coolly. "His arm was really coming out of the wall." I take a second to realize what that means.
"How did he…?"
"I don't know," the ninja growls, looking down at the ground in concentration. "To just stick an arm in my mother's altar would take a considerable amount of power. And it wasn't really the wall. There was a gap in the air, and it closed when the arm retreated back to where it came from." Now there's a dangerous light in Kurogane's eyes, and I can't help but shudder.
"Did you find him? Whoever did it?" I ask, half-dreading to hear the story of what happened to that person. It probably wasn't pretty.
"I never did," the ninja admits, the murderous light still there. "I searched everywhere, but I never found that sword, or anyone to lead me to it. But the kid saw something." I look up curiously. "He recognized the symbol on the sword's hilt." I frown, trying to remember the symbol myself. It's blurry at first, but if I don't focus directly on it…
"It looked… a little like a bat, right?" I ask. "Black and red?" He nods.
"Said he saw it in his country, before he left. On unknown soldiers, from no country he had ever seen. Probably from another dimension." He sighs, and then his lips stretch into a wolfish smile. "Which would explain why I never found him in Japan. If I keep traveling like this, then I might find him. And then…"
"You'll kill him?" I finish softly. He stops, then frowns.
"…yes," he finally says. "Then I'll kill him."
I don't say anything. We haven't moved since the beginning of this conversation. But for the first time, I think, I really glimpse the murderous side of Kurogane, that strong, indestructible core inside of him that will make him back away at nothing to protect what he holds dear and destroy what threatens it.
"I'm sorry," I finally whisper. When his eyes lock back on me, they are hard.
"I told you not to be-" he growls, but I shake my head.
"Not about that. I'm sorry about your parents," I correct him softly. "It must have been horrible." For the first time, I glimpse vulnerability in his eyes, just a fragment of that little boy who climbed a tree to retrieve his mother's scarf. And I smile gently. "I've never known anyone who's died," I admit, "so I don't really know how to do this." He shakes his head.
"You don't have to do anything," he replies. "It's over." I nod.
"One more question?" I ask, my heart beating. I know it won't change anything, and I already suspected, but I just want it confirmed. He nods, signaling me to ask. "Your father's sword… that was Ginryuu, right?"
"Yes," he says, his expression unreadable. I take his arm and squeeze it tight.
"I'll help you get it back," I whisper. "I promise." He looks up and down, as though appraising me. The boy and the man begin to make sense in my mind now; two distinct parts of a whole, but one can exist without the other's constant presence. That young boy will always be a part of him, but he has become so much more.
"We're even, then," he says gruffly. "I know your past and you know mine." I nod. "And I don't care that you do. On one condition," he adds, and I look up in surprise. What is he going to ask? The hand still on my head forces me to look at him. "Everything you saw, it's mine. You said it yourself. So it's not your burden to bear, either. I don't want to see you cry about it again." We stand like this, staring into each other's eyes, wondering who will be the first to waver. Finally, I look away.
"Okay," I breathe out. He sits back on the bead.
"Good," he says. I sit next to him again. Grab his wrist. Imagine the thin scar that will soon replace the wound, wonder at all the scars that I cannot see.
"Kuro-sama?" I ask, and he looks at me. "You are strong, you know that, right?" He returns my smile.
XxX
"I'm ba-aack!" Fai announces as he steps back in, like a smiley villain in a horror movie. The ninja grunts.
"Hey," I say. I look down, hoping the tracks of my tears have dried up by now, but if Fai notices them he says nothing. He strolls easily to his chair as though we hadn't kicked him out minutes earlier.
"The kids aren't done," he says, "but – good news - the innkeeper's wife said that breakfast was included with the room, so we won't have to worry about that tomorrow." I sigh. Everyone turns to me, puzzled.
"I'm sorry," I say. "It's my fault we had to get a room, and now we have to watch our money even more-"
"Naw, you're tired, forget it," Fai says, shrugging it off. "And Sakura-chan was right, we all should be. Well, us three for sure. I mean, the kids and Mokona slept for a while, but-"
"So did you," I remind him. He smiles.
"If a drunken coma can be considered sleeping," he replies with a laugh. "But I have a feeling you two didn't sleep at all last night. And yesterday was a big day for all of us." I sigh.
"I just feel bad because Syaoran wants that feather so much, and he wants it as fast as possible. But as soon as I said I needed some sleep, he and Sakura just turned around, and all of a sudden leaving before tomorrow was not an option," I say. Fai smiles.
"I think they were glad to do something for you, on the contrary," he replies. I shake my head.
"I know, they're great kids and all, but-"
"I don't think you understand," he cuts me off gently. "You're always helping, always worrying about everyone else, running around to make sure everything is alright, and you never ask for anything in return. I think they're just glad they can finally repay you." I frown, looking at the mage.
"I'm not that good," I reply. "And I was just stuck in bed for days, I didn't do much to help then."
"And why the hell did you get stuck in bed for days?" Kurogane grunts. I can tell he's still angry about my whole injury bit, but I'm just glad things are back to normal between us. Well, not exactly normal; there's a softer understanding between us now, as though we had glimpsed parts of each other we had never imagined, and found out that we liked them. That, and I've been teasing him constantly about the way he smiled. He's been insisting that it was a bloodthirsty smirk, while I distinctly remember him smiling. Really smiling. Which doesn't happen often. "Because you didn't want us to worry, and you were running around like an idiot to take care of everything. Of course they're going to feel guilty." I suddenly look down, ashamed.
"Oh," I say. "I never saw it that way."
"And that's not the way you should see it!" Fai protests, waving away my worries. "They love you, there's nothing wrong with that. You should be happy." But all I can think about is that they love me enough to postpone the retrieval of a feather for me. Old fears start to resurface again, and I play nervously with my nails. Being so close to them, maybe too close, having to leave them… I'm about a second from biting my thumb, which would clearly betray my anxiousness, when Mokona bounds into the room, distracting us all.
"Mokona just took a bath with Sakura! It was fun! We put lots of bubbles in and played around in them and made a complete mess!"
"Which you cleaned up, I hope?" I chip in, but Mokona doesn't seem to hear me.
"And then Syaoran made a mistake and went into the women's room, and then Sakura shrieked and Syaoran's face went red, red, so red that he looked like a turnip!"
"Poor kid," Fai laughs, shaking his head. "So innocent." I glare at him.
"I'd like to believe there's some innocence still left in you, too," I comment icily. He cocks his head to the side.
"I think it's too late for me," he replies naively. I think I'm going to kill him. But before I do, Syaoran walks in the room, eyes wide and hints of red still blotching his face. He blinks furiously when he sees us, until his eyes return to a normal size. His hair is still wet. He almost makes me think of a puppy lost in the rain. I stifle a laugh.
"Sa… Sakura-hime will be coming back soon," he announces in a whisper, his cheeks flushing as he says the princess's name. You can tell it really was an honest-to-god mistake; otherwise he wouldn't be so shocked. Just like reading the book was an accident. Syaoran would never intentionally hurt someone.
I stretch. "Well, I think I need a bath too," I say. "Feel free to go to bed without me, I'll catch up." I stand up and head for the door, then turn to Kurogane. "Oh, and strap Fai to the bed so he doesn't do anything rash. Like being unable to make the difference between the women's and men's baths," I add as an afterthought, clearly glaring at the wizard. My answer is a grunt and an innocent smile. I roll my eyes and turn away.
XxX
When I wake up, Sakura is sprawled all over us, her gangly limbs reaching in four different directions. My knees have somehow came to rest against Fai's shoulder, and Syaoran's feet are where his head should be. Mokona's resting against Fai's ankle. The only one who seems completely undisturbed in this mess is Kurogane, still exactly the way he was when we went to bed.
They all seem so peaceful, it seems a shame that they'll ever have to wake up. It's like, in this moment, there is nothing to bring us down or stop us, no memories haunting us and no pasts for others to see or hide. We are here, now, together and happy. I can't help but smile.
I shift a little, trying to untangle myself from the net of bodies without troubling anyone. I manage to slip out from under Sakura, but when the time comes to lift my knees away from Fai, the wizard groans. I freeze. I don't know why I put so much effort on secrecy, but that's probably because I don't want to wake anybody. We all deserved this rest.
Just when I think I can safely pull away, I see two piercing blue eyes looking at me. Fai smiles, lifting his head.
"Running away so soon?" he whispers teasingly. I shrug. "It's still early. I thought you were the one who wanted to rest?" I know it makes no sense for me to be the first to wake up. I don't really know how to answer, so I shrug again. Fai smiles and taps the mattress next to him. "Sleep some more," he offers. "You deserved it." I look longingly to the small nest of peace on that bed, and cave in. Slowly, I slip back onto my pillow and curl up the way I was before, caught tightly between Sakura and Fai. With a satisfied grin, the mage closes his eyes again. I close mine too. Even if I don't sleep, let my spirit rest for a little while longer in this place where we can all find a bit of happiness.
And please don't let this place vanish.
XxX
The world disappears underneath us as I watch through the window. We're not the only train to be leaving the station, and I see several long, snaky silhouettes make their way through the sky like ours. Tiny bat wings are attached to each compartment. Their frailty makes me wonder at the magic needed to make those huge trains fly.
"Wa! We're flying in the air!" Mokona croons.
"We're so high!" I add, watching the people below turn to ants. I know I've been higher in a dragonfly, but having no control over the vehicle's movement makes me nervous.
"It flies using magic," Fai informs us joyfully.
"It's amazing!" Sakura exclaims, pressing her face against the glass. I exchange a smile with Syaoran, before his tender gaze goes back to his princess. I've been thinking of how to tell him that I've seen Kurogane's past as well, but I don't know how. I'm still a little ashamed that I didn't tell both of them as soon as it happened. I don't want to come straight out and say it, but I don't want to leave him in the dark either. I'll have to find something I can say, something that only he could understand.
"Everyone slept well?" I ask, as though I hadn't already done so ten times this morning. My eyes rest particularly on Kurogane and Syaoran, whom I'm afraid may have had nightmares. It mustn't have been easy for the big guy to have the death of his parents reminisced twice in one day; and with the horror of some of the images, I'm also scared that Syaoran may have dreamt of blood. But no one says anything about that.
"I feel perfectly rested," Sakura tells me, smiling.
"How about you?" Fai asks me. "I hope you're not as tired, because there's a lot of books where we're going." I smile at the joke. It's true that I tend to be over-emotional when I'm tired. If Fai's around, that often leads to violence.
"I don't know yet, I might feel a sudden urge to teach you something," I tease back. There's a grimace of pain on the mage's features, of anticipation no doubt.
"If you do anything, tell me first," Kurogane grunts, looking out into the alley. There's a silence, in which Fai tries to understand the meaning of the ninja's words, decides them to be threatening and cries.
"So evil!"
"There, there, Fai-san…" Sakura pats his arm, looking at me with a puzzled expression. I shrug.
"Anyways, I just wanted to make sure no one was going to fall asleep on the benches," I conclude, ignoring the mage's wailing. Suddenly he straitens, smoothing his coat and smiling as though he hadn't been fake-crying moments earlier.
"Of course," he says, tapping the cushioned benches we've been allotted, "there were different seats, but we don't have a lot of money."
"I think they're plenty comfortable," I reply, frowning. Why people always insist on luxury, I don't understand.
Mokona pokes his head from behind a clueless Fai. "Sorry. Your daddy is not very resourceful-" he says in Fai's voice. Hearing this, the mage grins amusedly. "For example, he is a drunkard," Mokona continues. "He drinks all the time."
"Even though Daddy hasn't been working and only knows to drink, he is a good person, Fai Mommy!" the fur-ball continues, jumping on Sakura's head. The princess brings a hand to her mouth, surprised at the perfect imitation of her voice escaping Mokona. I know he's talking about Kurogane, but the ninja himself hasn't seemed to notice this. Fortunately there aren't many passengers in our compartment, but those surrounding us crane their necks to better hear what our conversation is about. Then the fur-ball's feet land on my head.
"I will work very hard to make up for Daddy's drinking, Fai Mommy!" I seem to vow from atop my skull. "And I will hide the bottles!" I start, surprised at Mokona's accuracy. This is how I reacted about my mother's problem, years earlier. Down to hiding the bottles in safe places – or, well, safer than the cupboard.
"Fai Mommy!" Syaoran's voice rips me from my thoughts, but I discover it's only Mokona. "I will take over Daddy's work!" he continues, and I see a dangerous spark in his smile. "Kurogane Daddy's share of work!" Mokona screeches at the top of his lungs, causing us all to fall silent. Syaoran's eyes go wide and he freezes in shock. We wait for the explosion.
At first it's only a hand grabbing Mokona, and then we see Kurogane's bloodthirsty grin and shiny eyes, looking in every way like a crazed murderer. I can almost make out storm clouds around his head and the loud rumbling of thunder in the distance. A look outside confirms that it's only my imagination. Still, Kurogane's scary.
There's a strange noise coming from the train's engine, and I look to the other worriedly.
"We're not…?" I ask, already counting all the ways to escape from a crashing train compartments. Mokona, still in Kurogane's grasp, reassures me.
"Oh no, that's normal! It means we're arriving soon!" he says, then wiggles himself our of the ninja's hand. There's an annoyed growl as he does so, and the hand reaches for him again.
"Really?" Sakura asks, looking eagerly out the window. Syaoran smiles.
"The station should be near," he confirms. I glance once more at the schedule and maps we've brought with us. Just getting from the station to the Central Library won't be very long – they seem to be practically on each other's doorsteps – but I still wanted to be sure we don't get lost. Suddenly, my attention is brought to Sakura, who is thoughtfully looking down and holding her hands to her chest. She seems sad.
"Sakura?" I ask, peering under her bangs to see her eyes. My movement alerts Syaoran, who also turns to her.
"Sakura-hime?" he asks worriedly. Hearing his voice, she stands up straight and smiles.
"Ah, it's nothing," she reassures us. I look at her doubtfully, but she smiles back with complete sincerity.
Only minutes later, the train's wheels screech on the tracks, and it stops with a jolt. We stand up, imitating the other passengers, and Fai steals one of the maps from me.
"Looks like we're here!" he announces as we walk towards the door. I follow him, but turn around at the last second.
"Come on, guys!" I call Kurogane, Mokona, Syaoran and Sakura. The ninja and the fur-ball are engaged in a series of mutual tortures, and the boy is helping Sakura out of her seat. They soon come out with us, but Sakura stays behind a few seconds more. I turn just in time to glimpse her worried glance at Syaoran's back. She's been cautious with him since the book incident, but I thought it was over for her. Apparently it isn't.
"Is that it?" It takes me a few seconds to realize the gruff voice doesn't belong to Kurogane, but to Mokona perched on his head. The ninja glares out to the distance, unable to see the fur-ball, but nonetheless angry.
"Yes, this is it, Kuro-pon," Fai answers, lifting his eyes from the map to look at Mokona. Seeing this, Kurogane glares at the mage, and I can't help but laugh. Fai smiles, clueless.
"Here, it should be in this direction," I point the others to one of the gates surrounding the platform. It seems not many people travel in the morning, because our surroundings are mostly empty. Only a few stragglers can be seen here and there.
When we pass under the arch, Syaoran gasps in amazement in front of me. Sakura joins him.
"It's so big!" she marvels. I peek over her shoulder and suck in a breath of astonishment. This library is easily ten times the size of the last one we've been to, and stands in the center of a sea of calm water. Its arches and towers are clearly duplicated in the water, which acts as a perfect mirror. Balloons representing suns and planets float in the air here also, but no cables seem to keep them in place.
"This is," Syaoran starts, then has to stop to take a breath, "the Central Library."
"Hyuu! Then the count's up to three, isn't it?" Fai says, coming up behind me. It takes me a while to understand what he means.
"Huh?" I ask, which makes him laugh.
"Three grand places so far," he explains proudly. I hold my hand protectively against my chest as I turn to him warily.
"Bastard," I say under my breath, my eyes narrowing. He shakes his head and holds up his hands.
"Hey, I didn't do anything yet!" he protests with a smile. "Kuro-puu, help me here!"
"Yep, you're a bastard," the ninja says coldly as he joins us, looking out to the library. Fai overdramatically cries on my shoulder.
"Daddy always takes the children's side!" he whines. I push him away.
"There's no way to cross," Kurogane interrupts us stoically, observing the water. I notice that he's right; there's no ramp, no bridge to reach the library from here. There are arches reaching to the central tower of the building, but they don't seem to land anywhere. I bite my lip and look around.
"There doesn't seem to be another entrance," Syaoran notices. In fact, the doors seem to be facing us, but the library is so far away we can't hope to reach them. Not unless we swim. The thought sends shudders down my spine. I can speak to water, but don't ask me to trust it with my life. Then, one by one, I notice that everybody turns to me. Their faces seem expectant. I look back, puzzled.
"Yes…?" I say, then understand what they expect me to do. With a deep breath, I approach the water's edge and crouch down next to it. There's no barrier, nothing to keep me from falling in if I lean in too close. I can tell that the lake is very deep. Still, the water's call is soothing. I close my eyes and try to clone my breathing on the water's current, but there is no current here. No ripple, gurgle or wave to read. This lake is perfectly stagnant. I frown. This seems unnatural. I wonder how the water can stand it. For people who live with magic everyday, they don't seem to be able to read nature very well. I reach a hand in. No warning. Nothing. I stand up and put my left foot over the water, threatening to let it drop. If I do, I know that my entire body will follow, but even then there is no warning from the water's voice. Instead, it almost seems to be inviting me.
"I… I think it's safe to cross," I say, hesitant. "I think…" Then I follow my instincts and do something that could have been very stupid; I slam my foot down towards the water. It hits something hard. Looking down, I see the golden bridge stretching from where I am standing all the way to the library.
"Hyuu! Good job, Raki-chan!" Fai exclaims, stepping on the bridge. He jumps once or twice on it for good measure, and I muffle a yelp. Large enough to let an elephant pass through, our path still manages to seem frail. But it doesn't give way.
"Wow," Syaoran says, following the mage towards the library. He can't seem to be able to detach his eyes from its dark form. I can already sense his excitement building up at the thought of all the books this monument can hold.
"Let's go! On to the library!" Mokona urges Kurogane forward. The ninja obeys with a grunt, visibly unhappy to be listening to orders from a fur-ball. I offer him a knowing smile, and he grimaces. I chuckle, still watching the others make their way across the water. I don't know why, but I fear that it will disappear if I move.
"Are you coming, Aisha?" Sakura asks, passing by to join the others. Just then, Syaoran turns around.
"Sakura-hime! Aisha-chan! Are you coming?" he calls with a bright smile. I look from one to the other, bite my lip and shrug.
"Yeah, I'm coming," I answer, and follow Sakura with a smile. On our way there, I discreetly nudge the surface of the water with my foot, creating ripples. I feel a shiver of pleasure through my body, but it is not my own; so when we arrive closer, I give a violent kick into the water and splash Kurogane and Syaoran. Both of them turn to me, one startled and the other glaring, and I smile innocently. "The water was bored," I explain, making my voice meek and naïve. Sakura laughs. Soon Syaoran joins her with a smile, but Kurogane still glares. I sigh and pat his arm. "There, there, you've been young once too, haven't you?" I tease. "Let the kids have some fun, middle-aged man." His eyes widen at the tease I haven't used in so long, and he seems to be preparing to shout when Fai intervenes.
"Kuro-tan, look! Water!" he mage points excitedly to the surface of the pool, obviously having fun making a fool of himself. "Hey, why are you wet?"
"I KNOW THERE'S GODDAMNED WATER!" Kurogane roars, stomping towards Fai. Seeing both men run around, trying to kill and annoy each other, I can't help but smile. Anyone could see that deep down, they care about one another. And then, suddenly, I know what to say to Syaoran. It's both something I mean and something that will make him understand what I saw about Kurogane.
"Syaoran-kun…" I start, looking at him. He looks back, curious. I take a deep breath. "I know you're strong. But you must use your strength to protect those you love, okay?" The sentence seems benign. There's a pause in which we only stare at each other, but I soon hear Syaoran suck in a breath and his eyes widen in surprise and recognition.
"Aisha-chan…" he says slowly, as though afraid that he'll startle me if he speaks too fast. "Did you… too?" I nod and give him a small smile.
"Yes. He knows," I add, glancing towards Kurogane. "I just wanted you to know too." Then I look back at him. "If you want to talk, I'm here… besides, I'm not sure he's a very talkative person when it comes to that, don't you think?" After the first surprise, Syaoran smiles.
"No, I don't think so," he admits. "But he's very kind." I grimace.
"Just don't tell him that," I caution. "You might give him a heart attack." Kurogane doesn't seem the type to pride himself in being kind. This, for some reason, makes Syaoran laugh.
"Right," he agrees, but something in his eyes tells me he's already done it. Now it's my turn to laugh.
"But seriously," I say once our laughter has died down somewhat, "can you promise me that? That you'll use your strength only for that purpose?" We both glance at Sakura, who has been observing us for a while, visibly not understanding what we are talking about. When she sees our eyes on her, she shies away a little. I'm thinking about the possible risks of this operation; if we're lucky, they'll let us take the book out and we'll be out of this world before they realize it's been stolen. If we're not… That's why I want him to promise. Protect the princess before the feather.
"Yes," Syaoran answers determinedly, looking back to me. "Yes, I definitely will." I return his fiery glance.
"Then you promised," I say, satisfied and happy. He nods.
"And you, Aisha-chan?" he replies. I grin.
"Always," I say. We both smile. We are linked by this promise that Kurogane's father gave us.
"Strawberry-chan! Help meeeeee!" Fai calls, running away from a disgruntled Kurogane, who is now wielding Souhi. I sigh, then shake my head hopelessly as I march towards them.
"Can't they calm down?" I growl as Syaoran follows me, chuckling. Sakura shuffles after us, seeming more worried than we are. "I am not your mother!" I yell as I chase down the two men. "I shouldn't have to do this!" Seriously, can't they grow up? Just when I thought they were mature enough to handle things on their own… it's a miracle Fai survived the six months in Yama without me.
We soon arrive, breathless, at the foot of the large flight of stairs leading to the library's doors. It's taken me many altercations to convince Kurogane to drop his sword, which Mokona swiftly sucked back in, and to keep Fai in check. Now I'm busy catching my breath as we wait for the kids to catch up. Girdles aren't nearly as restricting as corsets, but right now my ribs still feel compressed to their limit.
"I can feel it," Mokona tells us. "Even though it's weak, I can feel Sakura's feather.
"That's… great…" I pant, looking up to the library's tall towers. I don't think I'll ever get used to such big monuments, no matter how many Fai makes it his duty to show me. Then Syaoran takes the first step onto the stairs. His eyes are coldly determined again, because now his goal is close, and he can see it. I look back; the golden bridge has disappeared as we had stepped off of it, cutting off all escape. I wonder if it will reappear as easily as it did the first time.
As we start making our way towards the doors, an unnatural wind picks up in spirals around us. It gets stronger and stronger, until we have to camp our stances and shield ourselves from its fury. Syaoran uses his body to protect Sakura. Before I see them, I sense them; creatures of magic, very powerful. It's only when they land in front of us, growling and fuming, that I realize what they must be.
The watchdogs.
Towering above us like giants, baring their teeth in our direction, wings sprouting from their backs, their bodies covered in flames. I start to panic. Surely we've been discovered. Someone suspects something. Otherwise, why would the watchdogs be here? And I suddenly doubt our escapade will be as easy as once planned.
"So, how will we be able to go inside?" Fai asks naively, flashing a smile. The mage doesn't seem to be nervous at all.
"Yeah, we need to borrow a book," Mokona adds, just as innocent. I want to tell them to shut up. Don't they know lying will only make it worst? But, to my surprise, the watchdogs stop growling and slowly shift sideways to let us pass. We step warily between them, except for Fai, who skips along in front of us, singing with Mokona. I breathe a sigh of relief when they are out of my sight.
"Those are the watchdogs?" Kurogane asks, looking back.
"Yeah," Fai answers, doing like him. "Somehow they seem frightening."
"And a bit angry…" Sakura adds worriedly. I look back as well. The beasts are still staring at us, their eyes yellow flames.
"A bit?" I echo. "They're frikin' terrifying." I haven't used Hanshin slang in weeks – I didn't even use it much at home – but now it slips easily between my teeth. I wonder if it's because I'm nervous.
"Scared, Raki-chan?" Fai teases. I scowl.
"No," I say plainly, but that's a bit of a lie.
"I think they might know…" Mokona says thoughtfully, confirming my thoughts. I look nervously to the others. Syaoran returns my gaze. I can tell we're both imagining all the ways to get out of this mess. Kurogane's eyes are darting from the stairs to the watchdogs, probably calculating the fastest way past them if they attack. "… that Kurogane is a bad guy," the fur-ball finishes smugly. "By his face." The ninja's face goes blank for a second, and then he's running after Mokona, up the stairs to the library, roaring threats as he goes.
"Hey, we need to keep quiet in a library!" Fai reminds them, waving them goodbye. He seems to be having the time of his life.
"Can you at least pretend to be responsible?" I ask, hopelessly shaking my head. He grins.
"Sometimes I pretend," he admits. "But it's so much fun not to!" I sigh. We take one last look at the looming building above us. Anything in there could be a trap. Anything could get the watchdogs on our trails. We can only hope to be lucky.
"Let's do this," Syaoran says, penetrating the library after Kurogane. We follow.
XxX
One of the clerks eyes me oddly, but I can't help but stare. I thought the previous library was big, but this one is gigantic. There are flying chairs and plates everywhere, bringing books directly to you without demanding any effort on your part. The whole place seems to be carved out of marble. I look at the statues of dragons around us, looking down at us. I get the weird feeling that they will suddenly animate if we try anything fishy. As if the watchdogs weren't enough.
"We'd like to borrow the Book of Memories," Syaoran tells the clerk at the front desk as we stand slightly away. She looks at him and blinks slowly.
"You cannot borrow that book," she answers calmly, her hands resting on the desk in front of her. Her hair is so blond it seems white, and her eyes are a cold blue, like northern glaciers. Her entire body gives me the impression of being carved out of ice. The magical energy coming from her is cold and solid. I decide to call her Icy.
"We can't borrow that book?" Syaoran repeats, disappointed. Icy nods.
"The original Book of Memories has been designated as one of Recort's national treasures," she explains coolly, "so no, you cannot take it out of the library."
"That's a problem," Fai whispers to Sakura's ear, not far from me. I shrug. I can't say I hadn't planned this eventuality. After all, we knew the book was considered a national treasure. They're bound to be careful with it.
Syaoran quickly regains his composure. "Then can I take a look at the book?" he asks.
"If Syaoran can take a look, then he will be able to get the feather, I guarantee it," Mokona whispers to a Sakura that seems more worried by the second. I wonder if it's because she wants her feather back, or if she's afraid of what we might have to do to get it, now that our first plan was foiled. What Syaoran might have to do.
"That is not possible," Icy says sternly, unmoving. I almost expect her to turn into an ice statue right in front of us. Her colleague, a somewhat younger girl with brown pigtails and glasses, smiles apologetically.
"Eh?" Syaoran exclaims, now obviously shocked. I admit I hadn't thought they wouldn't even let us see it. I think we may have to do something drastic now.
"The Book of Memories contains a vast amount of power," the other clerk explains. "In the past, several people have tried to steal it." Icy stands up, to better stare us down, it seems.
"But every time, the watchdogs at the entrance, the library's security system, has caught every single one of them," she tells us, and each of her words drops like a warning. It's almost as though she suspects our intention.
"That's why, since the year 3004 of Recort's chronicles, inspection of the original Book of Memories is no longer allowed," the other one explains with a smile, visibly not so cautious. I can't see Syaoran's face, but I can almost hear the wheels turning. I'm sure he's thinking of what to do. I sigh. There's only one option I can think of. "But there's a copy that you can look at," the clerk offers, steering us into the right direction. There's a small pause.
"Thank you," Syaoran says, then starts walking obediently in the direction we've been pointed to.
"We'll find it ourselves, thank you," I tell the clerk, knowing that we're not really going to look at the copy. She nods and lets us by, then hurries back to her other duties. I catch Icy's gaze as I walk away, and I swear she sent me a warning glare.
As I predicted, we don't follow the clerk's instructions; instead, we walk until we find ourselves in a small open courtyard with a fountain and benches. Without consulting each other, we form a circle. This feels almost like a war council. Everyone is sullen, the eagerness sucked right out of us. Sakura is the first to speak.
"They wouldn't even let us look," she says, looking worriedly at the ground. Fai sighs, his shoulders rising and lowering dramatically.
"That can be a problem," he agrees.
"What do you plan to do, Syaoran-kun?" Mokona asks. We all turn to him. He's only a child, but he's the leader of our troupe when it comes to the feathers. He's looking down, and I can't see his eyes. But if I could, I bet I would see a cold flame dancing in them.
"I will get it back, no matter what," he says strongly.
"How?" the ninja asks. There's no doubt in this question; we all know Syaoran will think of a way. This is simply a way for him to tell us what it is. We are all hanging to his lips when he looks up.
"We'll steal it," he declares determinedly. Mokona and Fai smile, Sakura gasps and Kurogane's eyes suddenly light up, interested. I shrug and nod, already passing the tip of my tongue on my teeth in anticipation. From what I can see, we're all in. What's a few flying watchdogs against us?