A/N: So this update was a little faster than the last one - a month instead of six weeks - but I'd hoped to have it up sooner! September just didn't slow down any but I'm really going to try to aim for biweekly updates again after this. Anyway, there will be at least one more Deep Roads chapter, possibly two depending on how the next chapter goes, and then we'll be moving on from Orzammar. Getting close(ish) to the end!
As always, thanks to everybody who's favorited, followed, and read the story so far! I wouldn't mind hearing from you too, though, as to what you like, don't like, what I could do better, is there too much of this or not enough of that etc. Let me know what you think!
Special thanks go to those who reviewed the last chapter: Kenjie11, XZanayu, AnnabelleHawke022812, Candle in the Night, and guest reviewer SavannahMLennon. Since I can't reply to you directly, Savannah, thanks very much for the review! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story and the characters so far and that you like the way I've written Alistair! Luckily for you, since you just finished reading the last chapter, you get an update almost right away :).
PLEASE REVIEW! Gift fic for the 150th review!
Disclaimer: Don't own Bioware and its original dialogue and characters, do own my character and the rest of this story however!
Chapter 36: Unnatural
"So, that Aedan fellow there – he's the boss, right? And you're his second?" the dwarf asked Alistair as they made their way through the Deep Roads, heading for Caridin's Cross.
They had left Orzammar behind no more than a few hours ago, and somehow Alistair had ended up watching the rear with Oghren. Ayla and Morrigan were scouting ahead, while Aedan led the rest of the party with Striker by his side, and the others were spread out between him and Alistair. This was the dwarf's first attempt at conversation, however. Up till now he'd been keeping an eye on their surroundings or drinking periodically from a flask he stashed in his armor.
"I suppose you could say that, yes," Alistair answered, wondering what the dwarf was after. Possibly just trying to figure out how their ragtag group worked; he'd only been given a very brief introduction before they had gotten underway.
"And all the rest of these people – they ain't Wardens, right?" Oghren gestured at all the others walking ahead, before producing his flask from seemingly nowhere again and taking a swig.
Alistair shook his head. "No, they're not. They're travelling with us and lending us their aid until we defeat the Blight. Some of them more willingly than others," he added wryly, watching Zevran ahead of them as he said something to Leliana that caused her to swat him.
"Huh, you don't say." The dwarf was silent for another few moments, punctuated by a few more drinks from his flask, before he said, "Which one of those fine-looking women is the boss's?"
"Uh . . . what?" Alistair stared at Oghren, wondering if he'd actually heard right. Why would the dwarf care about that?
"Oh, come on," the dwarf scoffed. "You can't expect me to believe he's in charge of all those long-limbed goddesses and isn't getting his oats rolled by one of them! Is it the witch? The redhead with the bow? Or is it the other redhead with the magnificent bosom –"
"Hey!" Alistair exclaimed, indignant. "No, it's not her, and don't talk about Ayla that way! Or look at her that way, for that matter!"
"Ohhh." Oghren grinned. "Is she yours then?" He didn't wait for Alistair to do more than nod, unsure of what else to do, before he went on, "I can't help it if her bosom is right at my eye level, you know. But good on you, son. Didn't know you had it in you." The dwarf whacked him in the side with a gauntleted fist, in what Alistair assumed was supposed to be a congratulatory manner.
"Uh . . . thanks, I guess?" Alistair was no longer sure whether to be offended or amused, though he was leaning more towards amused. Were all dwarves this perverted?
The dwarf chuckled. "You're welcome. She looks like a handful, that one. I'm impressed. But you still didn't answer my question about the boss, you know."
Alistair shook his head. What a remarkably one-track mind this dwarf had. "If you must know, Aedan's 'woman' is Morrigan, the witch."
"Ah," Oghren nodded. "Pity. The things I could do to her. Well, that means the archer is free, right? Unless she's having a go at it with the elf."
Alistair barely managed to stifle a snort. "No, not that I know of. You're welcome to give it a try," he offered, deciding that it would be funny to see. Given how fast and effectively Leliana had shut down Zevran's initial offers, he could only imagine what she'd say to the dwarf.
Oghren snickered. "Maybe I will. So why did you Wardens bring your women down here? You must know how dangerous it is."
Alistair sighed, the amusement he'd felt at the dwarf's antics quickly fading at the reminder of one of his foremost concerns. "It wasn't done willingly, I assure you. Both of them do exactly as they please."
The dwarf snorted. "I know what that's like! Well, Warden, how about a deal for you? You help me find Branka, I'll help you keep your woman safe."
Alistair nodded, actually feeling slightly better at Oghren's offer. He'd yet to see him fight, but most dwarven warriors spent as much or more time down in the Deep Roads as Wardens did, meaning if he'd survived this long, Oghren had to be skilled. "That sounds like a good deal to me."
They shook hands on it before continuing on their way, once more in silence. Though the conversation had been rather odd, Alistair decided that Oghren wasn't half bad. Now he just needed to hold up his end of the deal by finding Branka before they all got themselves killed down here.
It took six days of hard travelling through the Deep Roads, using the map that Bhelen had provided and the assistance that Oghren gave, before they finally arrived at Caridin's Cross. It had been a blur of pain for Alistair, as he suspected it had been for Aedan, though neither complained.
It was actually less painful than it had been last time – whether more darkspawn had gone up to the surface in the meantime or he was developing a tolerance for it, Alistair didn't know. But he took pains to try and hide any sign of discomfort from Ayla, anyway, claiming that he hardly noticed it this time around. He didn't know if it had worked; she had nodded and smiled as though she believed him, but not said anything further.
Oghren was settling in well with the group for the most part; Aedan, Ayla, and Zevran all seemed to find him highly amusing, and Alistair had to admit he did too, as long as the dwarf wasn't trying to embarrass him. Sten and Wynne seemed to possess a sort of indifferent contempt for the dwarf, while Morrigan and Leliana held a more obvious and possibly fatal contempt for him. Striker had seemed to like the dwarf up until a day ago, when he'd attempted to ride the warhound into battle. The dog had since steered clear of him and stuck to Aedan's side. The overall opinion of the dwarf, however, was that in spite of his more annoying tendencies, he was quite useful down in the Deep Roads. He had been a great help both in finding their way and in the battles they had so far encountered.
Though they had run across several bands of darkspawn and deepstalkers over the last few days, it didn't seem to be nearly as many as last time. The fights were also easier with the larger party they possessed. Nevertheless, Alistair was sincerely hoping that they would find some sign of Branka here in Caridin's Cross so they could go back as soon as possible.
"Caridin's Cross!" Oghren exclaimed as they stood at the entrance. Unlike the crude tunnels they had been in so far, this was a clearly well-constructed road, paved with flagstones, the ceiling above supported by large pillars. Proper torches stood at intervals along the way, as well as old road markers indicating which way to go. "I can't believe Bhelen actually tracked this down! This used to be one of the biggest crossroads in the old empire. You could get anywhere from here, including Ortan Thaig."
Aedan nodded, studying the road ahead of them. "So, do you have any idea of where to go from here?"
"Aye," the dwarf replied, squinting at some crumpled, ale-soaked maps he'd produced from his pack, before looking back up at the road. "Branka dug up some maps of the ancient empire. It's a little tough to tell with so much of it collapsed now, but near as I can figure we're on the right path to Ortan Thaig."
"Great. Let's go." Without waiting for an answer, Aedan started off ahead, leaving the rest of them behind.
"I've been waiting for someone to say that for two sodding years," Oghren grunted with satisfaction, before hefting his axe and following after Aedan.
Alistair joined the others as they followed the dwarf. They hadn't gotten very far down the road before they discovered that the way ahead was blocked off by a cave-in, meaning they had to back-track to a hole in the wall that was the entrance to a tunnel weaving its way through the surrounding rock.
Alistair felt the presence of at least a couple dozen darkspawn down the tunnel, though it was more difficult to pick up on exact numbers down here, and he quietly called a warning ahead to Aedan, who nodded grimly, obviously feeling it too. They had no choice but to press ahead, however.
When they ran across the darkspawn a few minutes later, they were nearly overwhelmed by the sheer number of them attacking at once, especially as there were shrieks and ogres among the lot. With the combined power of the entire group, though, they were eventually successful.
The rest of the trek through Caridin's Cross continued in much the same fashion; they would make their way along a tunnel, battling darkspawn, until it led them back to the actual road. After some travel along the road, they would eventually hit another ruined section, and have to find some other way to continue forward. Most of the Cross was filled with darkspawn, as well as a few deepstalkers. It was hours before they finally found their way through the entire place.
Oghren finally stopped them, just in front of an archway back on the main road, surrounded by more signposts. He took a long drink from his flask while everybody stopped for a breather before declaring, "This looks like the right way out. Ortan Thaig. It won't be long now."
"How much further do you think the Thaig is?" Alistair asked, trying to stand as straight as possible and not sound as exhausted as he felt, especially since Ayla was standing right next to him.
The dwarf shrugged. "Don't know. Couple more days, I suspect."
"And Branka will be there?" Aedan demanded, coming up on Alistair's other side.
"If that's where the Anvil is? Aye, she'll be there," Oghren answered.
Aedan nodded. "All right. Let's keep going, then."
Onward they went, and true to Oghren's word, it took another two days through increasingly dangerous tunnels before they finally arrived at the entrance to Ortan Thaig. It looked much like the Cross had, with a well-constructed road contained by sculpted walls and pillars.
"By the tits of my ancestors, Ortan Thaig," Oghren breathed, studying the walls around them. "I never thought I'd see this place in the flesh. I can see Branka all over this place. She always took chips from the walls at regular intervals when she was in a new tunnel – check their composition." He tapped a chipped section of the wall for emphasis. "If she was still here, though, she'd have sentries out by now."
Aedan nodded, while Alistair sighed. Of course they'd arrive at what was supposed to be their final destination only to discover that no one was there. "What can you tell us about these ruins?" Aedan asked.
"This was Caridin's home thaig," the dwarf replied. "He was an Ortan before he got raised to Paragon. Even stayed here when he could have had his own house. I guess he didn't want to move his people to Bownammar."
"So where would Branka have gone if not here?" Alistair demanded, trying to restrain the impatience he felt. The longer they were down here, the greater the chances of something bad happening.
Oghren shook his head. "I don't know. This was always her goal. She figured if the Anvil wasn't here, there would at least be some clue to point her to where it is."
Aedan sighed. "Well, if she found a clue here, let's hope we can find it too. Let's get going."
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Oghren declared, leading the way again with Aedan following closely behind.
"How are you feeling?" Ayla asked Alistair softly as they took up the rear of the party's procession.
"I'm fine." He smiled down at her, trying to sound as sincere as possible. He clearly didn't succeed, though, because she raised her eyebrows, regarding him suspiciously. "As fine as I can be," he amended, "being down here and knowing that we have even more of the Deep Roads to search."
She nodded, accepting that answer. "Well, surprisingly enough, Oghren's been a great help so far. I'm sure he'll find something to point us in the right direction."
"You're right," he agreed. Without Oghren's help, they wouldn't have even gotten this far. He had to hope that the dwarf would succeed in leading them the rest of the way. "Let's find that clue so we can get out of here and I can get you alone again."
She grinned, her eyes flashing with heat as they met his. "If it takes too long, we really will have to find some way to be alone down here."
He laughed, even as he struggled to ignore the temptation to find a way right now. "If that happens, I'll see if I can think of something. Come on, let's go."
Oghren led them past the darkspawn corpses that were laid out at the entrance to a tunnel that led off the main road, much like they'd seen at the Cross. They followed the rock tunnel along through its various caverns, fighting both the darkspawn and giant spiders they came across, until they finally came out into an immense cavern.
The roof overhead was so high up that it couldn't be made out, and they knew by the bits of walls and the still intact statues or half-intact stone houses that they must have come across part of the actual thaig itself. Just as they walked past several statues, Ayla hissed, "Hey, is that a dwarf up ahead?"
Alistair looked just in time to see what was indeed a dwarf hunched over a corpse on a stone dais several yards ahead, before the dwarf spotted them and cried out, fleeing towards a tunnel off to the right.
Aedan turned to Oghren. "Do you think that could be one of the dwarves from Branka's house?"
Oghren shrugged. "Hard to say. Didn't get a good look at him. Patrols might've stumbled across this place too, or the Legion of the Dead. Couldn't hurt to go look, though."
They headed over to the tunnel where the dwarf had run, to find him lurking just at the entrance. He was dark-haired, dressed in battered, dirty leather armor, and was moving oddly, tilting his head and shuffling, half hunched over. As soon as he spotted them, he cried out, "There's nothing for you here! It's mine! I've claimed it!"
Aedan halted several feet away from him, holding up his hand to stop everyone behind. "Claimed it? Are you part of the clan who lived here?"
"The clan . . . ?" The dwarf tilted his head uncertainly, his arms waving and shaking randomly. "No. But it's still mine! Ruck's been here for years now, and no shiny surfacers will take him away!"
"Bah! He's a bloody scavenger, good as sodding gone," Oghren snorted, echoing Alistair's thoughts. Just by the pattern of the dwarf's speech and his movements, it was obvious he'd long ago lost his mind down here.
"Begone, you!" Ruck cried. "You'll bring the dark ones back, you will! They'll crunch your bones!"
"Word has it you can only survive down here by eating the darkspawn dead," Oghren muttered, shaking his head.
"Darkspawn blood is poison. Men have died just from drinking it," Alistair answered sombrely, remembering all the Joinings he'd attended and how few of the people there survived. He couldn't imagine being forced to eat darkspawn; he was surprised this Ruck was still alive. In different circumstances, he might have become a Warden.
"It burns when it goes down. It burns!" Ruck exclaimed, as though in answer to what Alistair had said. "It's my claim, not yours! Crunch your bones!" With that, the dwarf turned and fled the rest of the way down the tunnel.
Before they could follow, Ayla called out a warning at the same time as Striker barked; a swarm of spiders was approaching them from behind. The party turned to face the attack, and were able to dispatch the half-dozen spiders in a few minutes without any major injuries.
After they were done, Aedan led the way down the tunnel after Ruck. When they reached the end, the tunnel opened into a small, enclosed cavern that had obviously been a camp for quite some time. There were bits of furniture, urns, and signs of wear everywhere, as well as a fire-pit on a raised bit of stone off to the side, where Ruck stood.
"Go away!" the dwarf shouted when he spotted them. "This is mine! Only I gets to plunder its riches!"
Aedan approached the dwarf slowly, halting several feet away, asking carefully, "Is this Branka's campsite?"
"It's mine! I'm the one who found it. I drove out the crawlers. Now it's mine!" Ruck cried, his eyes darting everywhere as he took in all the people in their party.
Aedan looked at Alistair, who shrugged helplessly. He had no idea how to get more information out of this dwarf driven mad by consuming darkspawn flesh. Aedan sighed and turned back to Ruck. "Was this campsite here when you found it?"
"Everything was here. Everything the crawlers did not already take! Rocks and tents and worms! It's all mine!" Ruck's voice was getting increasingly higher as he became obviously more frantic, backing slightly away from their party.
Leliana suddenly came up to Aedan's side then, whispering to him, "Let me try." Aedan nodded in answer, backing up a little bit, gesturing to the others to do the same. They all retreated several paces, watching as Leliana approached the dwarf, smiling.
"I am not here to steal anything, I promise you," she assured Ruck, speaking softly and kindly to the dwarf.
Ruck almost instantly calmed as he looked at her. "Pretty lady . . pretty eyes, pretty hair . . ." he breathed. "Smells like the steam of burning water, blue as the deepest rock . . ." He hesitated, stepping just the smallest bit closer to Leliana. "So the pretty lady won't take anything from Ruck? You won't take Ruck's shiny worms and pretty rocks?"
Leliana shook her head gently, still smiling. "No, I promise. I just want to talk to you, ask you a few questions, okay?"
Ruck nodded vigorously. "I will answer your questions, pretty lady. Anything you wish."
"Did you find anything . . . unusual at this camp?" Leliana asked, glancing back at Aedan, who nodded encouragingly.
"Bits of things, but only bits. The crawlers took almost everything," Ruck replied. "They takes things of steel and things of paper. They takes the shinies and the words."
"Paper and words?" Oghren muttered from next to Aedan. "That sounds like someone was taking notes. Do you think Branka camped here?"
Aedan nodded. "It seems likely. This looks like a more elaborate campsite than he could set up, and the notes sound like something that's beyond him at this point."
"Do you know where the, uh, crawlers took these things, Ruck?" Leliana pressed gently.
Ruck nodded, waving his arms back towards the tunnel where they'd come from. "They bring to the great nest, the nest they makes for the eggs. They puts the shinies inside, they do."
"We should go find this nest," Alistair muttered, as Leliana proceeded to thank Ruck for the information he'd given them. "See if we can find those notes, and if they say where Branka might have gone."
"That sounds like a good idea," Aedan agreed as Leliana rejoined them and they began to make their way down the tunnel. "Let's start looking for it."
"Should we really leave him here like this, suffering all alone?" Ayla asked quietly, glancing behind them. Alistair looked down at her, concerned. She looked more upset and disturbed than he could ever recall seeing her.
"Ayla . . ." He reached for her hand, squeezing it gently, unsure of what to say to her or what to do in this situation. Ruck would only get worse the longer he stayed down here, but what could they really do about it?
"She speaks the truth," Sten rumbled. "The dwarf is obviously insane. He should be put out of his misery."
"We cannot just kill him," Wynne snapped, glaring at the qunari.
"Can we not?" Zevran replied. "What sort of life do you think he has down here?"
"Surprisingly, I once again find myself agreeing with the elf," Morrigan remarked.
"He is not doing anyone any harm, surely," Leliana protested.
Aedan sighed. "No one but himself. Zevran has a point. His life down here is nothing but scavenging for darkspawn corpses, living all alone in the remains of a camp while he slowly goes more insane." He glanced over at Alistair. "Is there any way . . ."
Alistair shook his head, already knowing where he was going. "To reverse the damage from eating the darkspawn, do you mean? No. There's no cure for it at this point. He can't get better, and we can't take him back to Orzammar like that."
"Then the answer is obvious," Sten declared. "I will do it, if you Wardens do not have the spine for it."
"It's not about having the spine for it," Aedan snapped. "It's about whether it's the right thing to do . . ." He shook his head. "Never mind. I will go do it."
"But . . ." Leliana began.
"There's no other choice," Aedan interrupted her. "Unless you want him to suffer alone here after we leave."
Leliana sighed, shaking her head. "No, I do not . . ."
"Well, then, the rest of you go on ahead to find the nest. I'll join you shortly." Aedan turned and headed back towards the campsite.
"Come on," Oghren gestured to the others, heading away from the dais where they'd encountered Ruck, towards an arched stone bridge in the distance. "This is the only way forward – the spiders must be this way. Those papers have to belong to Branka – nothing that fragile would be left over from the Thaig."
"Let's go, then," Alistair agreed, and they all followed as Oghren headed towards the bridge. He glanced down at Ayla as she walked next to him, noticing that she still looked disturbed and unusually pale. "Are you all right?" he asked her softly, wrapping an arm around her waist.
She leaned into him as they walked, shaking her head. "It's just – the taint of the darkspawn and the way it affects things is so . . . unnatural . . . it makes me actually feel ill, sometimes. I'll be fine, though. I just . . . need a few minutes."
"I'm sorry, love." He hated to see her like this and not be able to do anything to make it better. "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be seeing things like this . . ."
"Stop," she told him quietly, firmly. "There is no need for you to feel guilty. This is my destiny too, and I chose to be here. Don't blame yourself for it."
He nodded slowly. He wasn't sure that he could put aside his guilt so easily, but he didn't want to worry her further at the moment. "All right, if you say so." He heard the sound of a pained cry in the distance behind them just then, and he knew Ayla did too; he felt her stiffen against his side, but they both pretended they hadn't heard as they made their way across the bridge, which led over an underground river. The sound of the rushing water was welcome after being down here for so long, and he noticed Ayla sigh faintly, relaxing somewhat as they passed over the river.
Aedan rejoined them shortly after they reached the other side, grim-faced and not saying a word. Morrigan slipped to his side and took his hand, and the two whispered quietly together as they all followed Oghren through a small tunnel on the other side of the bridge. They hadn't gone down the tunnel very long before they began to catch glimpses of spiders ahead of them.
Ayla pulled away from Alistair then, reaching for her swords, and everybody followed suit, quietly arming themselves as they continued down the tunnel after the spiders. Eventually, the tunnel opened up to another cavern, and they had to take another stone bridge across a dried-up river to reach the solid ground on the other side.
They had only made it a few steps beyond the latest bridge when they were suddenly attacked by the spiders. Alistair lashed out with his shield and knocked a leaping spider to the ground, spearing it through the chest with his sword before it could get back up. The others similarly moved to defend themselves from the giant spiders leaping through the air from all sides; it was death to allow a spider to knock you down and get its pincers around you.
He kept an eye out for Ayla as the spiders continued to descend on them, seemingly popping out of nowhere. There were far more than they'd ever previously faced, and even with the full strength of their party, it was a struggle not to be overwhelmed. He felled another spider before it reached Aedan to his right, and spotted the largest spider yet leaping for Ayla's back as she fought.
"Ayla!" he shouted, racing forward to help her. He wouldn't be able to make it in time, he knew, but fortunately Oghren was suddenly there behind her, blocking the spider's pincers with his battleaxe.
The momentum of the spider's leap brought Oghren to the ground, though he was able to keep his axe between him and the pincers. Alistair got there seconds later, just as Ayla was turning around after finishing off the spider she had been fighting, and as Alistair struck at the spider's side, distracting it, Ayla pulled the dwarf out and away from the spider.
This spider was far larger and stronger than the others had been, though, so Alistair's first blow did little damage. He continued to strike at it, dodging its blows and blocking with his shield, continually losing ground. Ayla and Oghren joined him in harrying the spider, and while the three of them were keeping the monstrous thing distracted, Sten appeared behind it and finally cleaved it in two with a mighty blow of his greatsword. With a screech, the spider finally collapsed to the ground.
"Thanks, Sten," Alistair managed, lowering his shield and nodding at the qunari.
Sten grunted. "It was merely part of my duty in accompanying you, Warden."
"Right," Alistair sighed, turning to look around. The spiders seemed to all be dead now, and no new ones had appeared. He wiped off his sword and sheathed it, approaching Ayla. "Are you all right?"
She nodded, smiling faintly. He knew she still hated the giant spiders, and the close call probably hadn't helped, but she actually looked better than she had earlier. "Yes, thanks to Oghren, I'm fine."
"Huh, well, you know . . . just helping out and all," the dwarf mumbled. If Alistair didn't know better, he'd swear Oghren was actually turning red.
"Yes, thank you, Oghren," he added. "I owe you one."
Oghren shook his head, fumbling in his armor for his flask. "No, you don't, boy. It was part of our deal, remember? Just help me find Branka, and we're square."
Alistair nodded slowly. Yes, the dwarf was definitely embarrassed. "I promise you, we will find her."
"Hey, over here!" Leliana called from several yards away. "I believe these may be the papers we were searching for!"
They all headed over to where the bard was standing, in a corner of the cavern beyond where they'd fought the large spider, close to another tunnel leading in the opposite direction from where they'd arrived. Leliana stood in front of a large leather-bound journal she'd opened up on a flat rock, and she was surrounded by piles of weapons, bits of furniture, coins, gems, and various other things the spiders had obviously been collecting.
Aedan went and joined her, glancing over the journal, flipping through as the rest of them stood back and watched, until he stopped, leaving the journal open at a page towards the end and beginning to read aloud.
"We found evidence today that the Anvil of the Void was not built in Ortan Thaig. We will go south, to the Dead Trenches. The Anvil is somewhere beyond. My soldiers tell me I am mad, that the Dead Trenches are crawling with darkspawn, that we will surely die before we find the Anvil . . If we find it. I leave this here in case they're right. If I die in the Trenches, perhaps someone can yet walk past my corpse and retrieve the Anvil. For if it remains lost, so do we all. If I have not returned and Oghren yet lives, tell him . . . No, what I have to say should be for his ears alone. This is my farewell."
He turned to look back at the others, his expression unreadable. "The journal ends there, but there's a map that shows where the Trenches are."
"Branka was thinking about me. I knew she still cared!" Oghren exclaimed, grinning, his embarrassment forgotten. "Old softie. Looks like the Dead Trenches is our next stop then. They say that darkspawn nest there, whole herds of 'em. But if that's where Branka went, then that's where I'm going."
Maker's breath, Alistair thought. This was absolutely the last thing he'd wanted to hear. "Well, Alistair?" Aedan asked quietly, staring steadily at him.
Alistair sighed. "From what little Duncan told me about the Dead Trenches, my understanding is that they're the heart of the Deep Roads. Probably most of the horde is there." He didn't say what he was really thinking, which was that it would be the most difficult place for the two of them in all of the Deep Roads, but he knew by the look in Aedan's eyes that he understood what he wasn't saying.
"Well, it doesn't sound like we have any choice," Aedan said after a long moment. "If that's where Branka went, that's where we have to go. By the looks of this map, though, it may take another week to reach the Trenches, and who knows how long it will take to find anything there. Anyone who wishes to, can turn around and go back. I won't ask anyone to keep going if they don't want to."
Alistair wanted nothing more than to tell Ayla to go back, to get somewhere safe, rather than coming with them to the Trenches to face the horde. But he knew if he asked, she'd only get angry with him again, so he didn't even meet her eyes as the rest of the party shook their heads and pledged to keep going, including Ayla.
"All right, then," Aedan said, nodding. "We'll all keep going. Thank you, everyone. I think we should stop here to rest, though, before going on. It's been a very long day getting through this place."
Everyone agreed, and they cleared themselves a place as far away from the spiders as they could get to set up camp. Alistair offered to take first watch, as he was too worked up to sleep anyway, and they had once again been splitting the watch between himself, Aedan, and Ayla. He found a rock a little ways out from where the others were, where he could keep an eye on things around them as they all slept.
Not long after everyone had bedded down for the night, Ayla approached him. He opened his arms to her and she settled willingly on his lap. "Thank you," she said after a moment, looking up at him, "for not asking me to go back."
He sighed. "Well, it's not that I didn't want to, but I remembered what you said about always going with me. And . . . I have to go. I don't have a choice."
She poked him lightly in the chest. "Well, you do, but both you and Aedan seem incapable of making a selfish choice."
"Oh, I don't know about that," Alistair muttered, though he smiled fondly down at her. He still found it amazing and humbling that her opinion of him was so high. "If I wasn't capable of making a selfish choice, I would be taking the throne once the Blight was over. Instead, I'm opting out for my own happiness."
She laughed softly. "Well, I think you're allowed at least one selfish choice in your life." She leaned her head against his chest, asking after another moment, "What was Oghren talking about, when he said it was part of your deal?"
"Oh." Alistair debated with himself for a few seconds before deciding he was better off just telling her the truth. "Well, we may have made a deal that he would help me keep you safe as long as I promised to make sure we found Branka."
"Alistair . . ."
"Are you mad?" he asked her quietly, fervently hoping that she wasn't.
She seemed to consider it for a moment before she shook her head. "No, I'm not mad. It's . . . actually kind of sweet. A little bit irritating, but also sweet." She looked up at him, smiling impishly. "Do you think he'd make me the same deal to help protect you?"
He grinned. "Well, you could always ask, I suppose." He brushed a stray strand of hair away from her forehead, before pressing a light kiss there. "As much as I'm worried about you, it also makes me feel better just - having you here, right now. Is that strange?"
"No, not really." She leaned up to give him a soft kiss that both stirred his blood and soothed his nerves, before settling back down on his lap. "I know exactly what you mean."
"You should go to sleep," he told her. "You have the watch next."
"Can't I just sleep here?" she murmured, curling up against his armored chest.
"If that's what you want," he replied, picking his cloak up off the ground next to him where he'd left it and wrapping it around her.
She merely nodded in response, and he watched over her and the others as she fell asleep, determined that they would all get out of the Trenches alive and back to Orzammar safely. He would not - could not - accept any other outcome.