Dark Reflections

Chapter 34

At Times It Does Hurt To Be Healed

Paul sighed as he sat back and watched Shawn sleep. He was still bundled in the towels from earlier. Something was telling Paul that Shawn was going to be getting a head cold from his stubbornness, but there was nothing he could do. He was honestly thinking of giving up on his best friend. Shawn was mentally unstable, and he knew it was true after his meltdown at the hospital. He honestly couldn't believe he let it get this bad. He had to do something about it – and fast.

He heard knocking on the door, so he got up and opened the door. He saw Steve Austin and Shane standing in the hallway. Paul raised an eyebrow and walked out, silently closing the door behind him.

"What's up, guys?" He asked.

Shane and Steve exchanged a smug look.

"We have a plan, and I thought you'd love to hear it. Was I wrong," Shane asked, making Paul nod his head no.

"Good! This is how it's going to go down. Steve volunteered to go to Ohio and visit Payne in prison to try and intimidate him enough so he could spill the information Shawn told us about… That being who is in charge of this whole thing. He'll relay the message back to us, and we'll take care of getting the son of a bitch arrested. What do you think?"

Paul smirked at his brother in law.

"Flawless, Shane. What makes you think Payne's going to be intimidated by Steve?" He asked.

Steve cleared his throat and glared at Paul.

"You honestly think a pathetic bastard in prison isn't going to be afraid of me in the slightest? Sorry, but if I was behind bars with handcuffs on my hands, I'd be quite afraid of anyone who came up to me yelling at the top of their lungs about me kidnapping and fucking one of their good friends. Wouldn't you?" He asked.

Paul sighed and rubbed his head.

"I guess so… But you seem to forget that Payne isn't human. What hurts us probably wouldn't hurt him."

Shane chuckled, making Paul look at him.

"He obviously hasn't met me yet. I can freak him out more than anyone could ever imagine."

Steve turned to glare at Shane.

"You're not going to meet him, kid. You have to stay here with your family until you're well enough to travel. I'm going… And I'm going alone. You promised you wouldn't argue with me about it."

Shane glared back at Steve.

"If he refuses to spill anything, I'm going to see him. And I will make him talk…" Shane stopped talking when the door to Paul's hotel room opened.

Shawn poked his head out and smiled when he saw Shane standing there looking like his old self.

"I thought I heard voices," Shawn stated and took a step forward to give Shane a hug.

"Good to see you standing, Shane-O."

Shane raised an eyebrow at Shawn's actions – he usually didn't voluntarily hug people nowadays – but decided to hug him back.

"Thanks, Shawn. It's good to be standing, actually."

Shawn pulled away from Shane and was pleased to see a smile on his face.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

Shane nodded his head.

"Of course."

Steve nudged Shane's arm and narrowed his eyes at him, making Paul and Shawn raise a confused eyebrow. Shane sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to ignore Steve, although he knew what he wanted.

"I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier, Steve..,"

Steve looked at Shawn with a confused look on his face.

"It was wrong of me to take my anger out on you. I'm sorry…" Shawn stated and stuck his hand out for Steve to shake.

Steve looked down at Shawn's hand and smirked, then looked back up at Shawn and hugged him instead.

"It's ok, kiddo. You need to start letting us in here,"

Steve pulled away and poked Shawn's head.

"We don't know what's going on unless you tell us," Steve looked at Paul.

"I need to talk to you, and Shane needs to speak to Shawn."

Paul nodded his head and walked into the hotel room with Steve.

Shawn looked at Shane and tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy dog.

"What do you need to speak to me about?" He asked.

Shane sighed and looked at the floor, rearranging the thoughts in his head. He looked back up at Shawn.

"Let's go for a walk, ok," He asked.

Shawn shrugged his shoulders and walked down the hall with Shane.

"Listen,"

Shane stopped abruptly, causing Shawn to stop as well. They turned to look at one another.

"You know… About me, right? About how weird I am? I speak to dead people, hear things that I couldn't possibly have known about and I dream things that haven't happened yet?" He asked, hoping he didn't freak Shawn out.

Shawn, however, nodded his head.

"Yeah, I remember when you freaked out before Owen died, saying something was about to happen. What's wrong?"

Shane looked around awkwardly.

"Well,"

He made eye contact again with Shawn.

"I'm just getting an off feeling about Paul. I know he's your best friend and he's helped you through a lot… But something about him is making me nervous. I don't quite know what it is… But I just want you to be careful."

Shawn sighed and nodded his head.

"I was getting a feeling you were going to warn me about Paul… It doesn't really surprise me that you suspect he's up to something."

Shane saw the sadness in Shawn's eyes and wished he didn't have to tell him anything.

I wouldn't have said a damn word if I didn't mention anything to Steve… Now Shawn is going to be an emotional wreck. Again. And it's my fault.

"Shawn… Listen… I didn't mean to upset you or anything. I'm just trying to look out for you. I don't know what the uneasiness I feel about Paul is… I just think you should watch your back, that's all. If I figure out what's up, you'll be the first person I go to about it, ok? I promise. Nobody is going to put a hand on you again. I'll make sure of it."

Shawn looked at Shane with tears glistening in his eyes.

"How can you make promises nobody has been able to keep? What makes you so damn special?"

The smirk on Shane's face made Shawn feel bad for doubting him.

"I talk to dead people. And they love gossip."

Steve watched as Paul shut the door and glared at him.

"What's your problem?" Paul asked.

Steve shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe it's the fact that you know more than you're letting on. I know you know something about this whole damn situation that you're not telling anybody… And so help me God; I will kill you if something else happens to Shawn." Steve growled.

Paul raised an eyebrow.

"I know as much as you, alright? There's nothing I haven't told you. The only one that could know more about this is Shane. Freaky fucking kid…"

"You're right. Shane does know something, and the only one he told is me. Why do you think he's talking to Shawn right now and I'm here talking to you? Shawn needs help, Paul. More help than you can give him. I wish I didn't have to say it, but it's true. I'm leaving in three hours to go to Ohio. If I find out that Shawn still didn't see a shrink, I will personally come all the way back up here to beat you senseless. Do you understand?" Steve asked.

Paul nodded his head yes.

"Yeah, I get it,"

Steve nodded his head and turned to leave.

"Oh, one more thing," Paul called to him, making him stop and turn to face him again.

"What is it that Shane knows that he isn't discussing with Shawn in front of me?" Paul asked.

Steve turned around and walked towards the door. He got to it and paused.

"We'll see." He threw over his shoulder and then left the room.

Paul raised an eyebrow.

"And what the hell does he mean by that?"

He looked up and saw Vince standing in front of him, causing him to scramble backwards and trip over the bed.

"Jesus Christ, dad! Don't do that again!"

Vince watched as Paul caught his breath.

"Sorry, Paul. I'm just trying to figure out what Steve could've meant by that."

"How do you think I feel? What's up, dad?" Paul asked.

Vince shrugged his shoulders.

"Just looking for my son. You know how he gets when he's pissy… Have you seen him around?" Vince asked.

Paul nodded his head yes.

"Yeah… He went to go talk to Shawn. They might be walking around the hall. What's so important?" He asked.

"Well… He got discharged from the hospital a little less than an hour ago. He should be lying down, not walking around and stressing himself out. I honestly don't know what could be so important that he had to talk to Shawn about…"

Shawn and Shane walked into the hotel room to see Vince and Paul standing awkwardly near a bed, almost as if they were contemplating something.

"Hey Vinnie Mac!" Shawn shouted, making the two men turn to look at them.

"Hey there, Shawn. Shane! It looks like you got hit by a truck! Are you alright?" Vince asked.

Shawn turned to look at Shane for the first time since they spoke in the hallway and frowned. Vince was right – Shane didn't look ok. His eyes were glassy and sweat was glistening on his forehead.

"I'm fine, just not in the way you're hoping." Shane replied and looked around the room.

Something isn't quite right…

"Shane… I really think you should sit down before you fall down." Vince stated as he walked over to his son and grabbed him roughly by the arm.

"Hey,"

Vince turned to look at Shawn.

"Don't fucking treat him like that, Vin Man. I know he's your son and God knows he's being stubborn, but you have no right to treat him like a rag doll."

Vince sighed and released Shane's arm.

"You're right, Shawn. You know Shane, though. He won't sit down unless he collapses," Vince turned to look at his son.

"And right now I'm telling you to sit down."

Shane nodded his head no.

"Not in here. Just… Just take me back to your room and I promise I'll sit down there."

Vince sighed and rubbed his head angrily.

"Fine, fine. See you boys tomorrow."

Vince grabbed Shane's arm again and led him out of the room and down the hall.

Paul looked over at Shawn once the door closed.

"So… What did Shane talk to you about?" He asked.

Shawn shrugged his shoulders.

"I wish I knew. He's just so damn confusing with all of his paranormal mumbo jumbo. I couldn't even begin to explain it to you… Anyway… I'm gonna go shower. My clothes smell of mildew."

Paul nodded his head with a smile on his face.

"Alright. Don't fall in."

It was almost an hour later when Paul finally looked up from the TV to see the time. He frowned when he realized the water was still running.

What the hell is he doing in there? Fixing the pipes?

He stood up and sighed, thinking about what could have possibly happened to make Shawn stay in the shower for all that time. Was he dead? Or just deep in thought? The possibilities were endless, and Paul was slightly irritated that he was acting as a mother hen. He approached the bathroom door and knocked.

"Shawn? Shawn, can you hear me," He asked.

He jiggled the handle and noticed it was locked.

"Shawn, open the fucking door!" He shouted, finally losing his patience.

Paul was relieved to hear a click as the door was unlocked. He opened the door and looked down to see Shawn sitting with his knees to his chest in the bath tub while hot water rained down on him from the shower head. Paul tilted his head, somewhat confused by what he was looking at.

"What?" Shawn asked, keeping his eyes off of Paul.

Paul rubbed the back of his head and knelt down to be somewhat eye level with Shawn.

"Shawn, look at me," He started.

Paul narrowed his eyes angrily as he listened to Shawn mumble incoherently. He reached out with his right hand and grabbed Shawn by the chin, then turned his head so the two were face to face.

"Are you alright?" Paul asked.

Shawn shrugged his shoulders.

"Guess so."

"What's the matter, then? Because I know that when you respond the way you just did, there's something going on in here,"

Paul tapped Shawn's head and smiled. Shawn sighed and once again shrugged his shoulders. Paul raised a confused eyebrow.

He's acting strange.

"Listen, you've been in here for almost an hour… Why don't you get out and get dressed before you become a prune? We can go out to eat or something… Cause this whole brooding thing isn't really you…"

Paul watched as Shawn closed his eyes and lifted his head up so the water from the shower head rained down onto his face.

But then again… How do I know who Shawn is anymore?

Paul looked around awkwardly and waited for Shawn to look at him again.

"I was just thinking,"

Paul looked back at Shawn and saw the older man was looking him in the eyes.

"About what happened back in Fremont... I remembered Jamie yelling. He was always yelling," Shawn chuckled, but there was no humor in it.

Paul winced at the withdrawn look in Shawn's eyes.

"He told me I was worthless and said it was why nobody was coming to rescue me. He also told me somebody close to me was going to turn on me just for fun. You'd never do that to me… Right?"

Paul looked at the sadness that seeped into Shawn's eyes. The man in front of him suddenly seemed to age, almost as if that one little question added ten years to him. Paul placed a hand on either side of Shawn's face and looked him directly in the eyes; trying to talk to the man he knew instead of the shell he was living in.

"Shawn… You know I would never do a damn thing to hurt you. I love you too much to see you suffering. The way you are right now… It's hurting me, too. You've gotta let everything out, Shawn. I miss seeing your smile. I miss your sense of humor," Paul noticed a small smile creep onto Shawn's face, then tapped his cheeks lightly.

"Come on, Shawny… Get out of the shower…"

Shawn turned to face the wall of the shower again, making Paul's arms drop down to his sides. Now that Shawn was facing away from him, Paul was able to see the many scars that his best friend had. Thinking about the pain his friend suffered at the hand of a psychopath made him nauseous. He would never admit it to anyone – not even to his wife – but sometimes, he would wake in the middle of the night from a nightmare about what happened to Shawn… And have to run to the bathroom seconds later. He would never be able to get the tortured look in Shawn's eyes out of his head, the way he laid in the hospital bed the day after they found him and stared at everyone with ice cold, unseeing, unrecognizing eyes. The pale, thin, broken and bleeding form of his friend trembling from the closeness of their bodies as Paul carried him down the stairs of the house in Freemont. The empty sound of Shawn's laugh and the deadness in his smile, the twinkle that was absent from his eyes and the roughness of his voice… Even the emotion in Shawn's hugs were gone, the way he said 'I love you' was completely different. It was almost as if the person Paul was thinking about wasn't even his best friend anymore, but just a shell that remained after he had his pride ripped away from him and tossed aside like a used piece of gum. Shawn didn't care anymore; he learned that he was useless from two months of getting raped and having his ass kicked. Paul cared. He loved Shawn almost more than he loved his wife; a feeling he couldn't quite understand.

Paul was starting to feel the familiar flop in his stomach, but was able to battle back the feeling by placing a hand on Shawn's shoulder, somewhat startling the other man. Shawn's head spun around to look Paul in the eyes, searching frantically in the familiar brown orbs for a reason why he was touching him without his permission. Paul knew better. Instead of obeying the silent plea Shawn was giving him to simply stop, Paul traced a scar along Shawn's left shoulder blade with his fingers, making Shawn narrow his eyes angrily.

"Please stop touching me." Shawn growled.

Paul looked him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry. It's not every day I get to see what the fuck happened to you. You're always hiding it, you never talk about it and you certainly do like to pretend it never happened. If you spoke up once in awhile, I wouldn't have to be so dumbfounded when I finally catch wind of what's going on with you. Now, please. Get. Out. Of. The. Shower." Paul demanded.

He hated using such a demanding tone with Shawn, but he had no choice with the way he was acting.

"Get your hand off me and I'll get out."

Shawn watched as Paul's hand slowly melted away from his shoulder. Paul stood up and grabbed a towel, then tossed it at Shawn's head and watched as it landed in an awkward position over the side of the tub.

He suddenly felt as if the towel was Shawn, clinging to something stable and struggling to continue with life. Shawn cupped his hands directly under the stream of water coming from the shower head. He watched as his cupped hands filled with water and overflowed. Paul sighed and stood up, running his hands through his hair as he did so, watching Shawn's childish actions.

"Please, Shawn… Please get out." Paul begged once more.

He felt those unfamiliar blue/green eyes glaring at him, so he sighed and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

The next series of events happened so quickly, neither man knew what happened or understood it, but it left Shawn gasping for air and Paul rushed back to his side to help him in any way possible.

Paul had no sooner turned his back to Shawn when the older man threw the water cupped in his hands into his mouth. He had his head turned upwards and was looking at the ceiling when he decided to slowly let the water leak from his mouth. The door clicked shut. Shawn's eyes suddenly went wide and his vision faded to black. He saw it in his mind as clear as day – it was Shane. He was kneeling on the floor in a hotel room, looking up at somebody with some sort of pained defiant look in his eyes. There was blood dripping from Shane's mouth and leaking from his chest. He saw a dark figure step in front of Shane's vision, and that's when his mind went black.

Shawn unconsciously punched the wall of the shower and shouted incoherently. He leaned his head against the wall and breathed heavily, still engulfed in a world of darkness. Paul came running through the door of the bathroom and immediately knelt down at the side of the tub.

"Shawn! Shawn, are you alright? Can you hear me," He asked, tapping Shawn's cheeks gently to try and get his attention.

He saw Shawn's eyes were somewhat glassy. Paul reached over and turned off the water, then picked up the towel and rubbed at Shawn's head. Shawn's breath hitched, drawing him back into reality. He began gasping for air as his eyes swept over the area. They landed wearily on Paul.

"Are you okay?" Paul asked.

Shawn nodded his head, still unsure of what he saw.

"I'm really confused about all of this, Paul… I don't know if there's something I'm supposed to be doing to help."

Paul sighed and patted Shawn on the back.

"You could try talking things out, ya know…"

He turned around and bent over to pick up his cell phone, since he so happened to have dropped it when he ran back in to check on Shawn. When he turned back around, he saw Shawn had stood up, gotten out of the tub and put boxers on. Shawn was staring at him with a slightly angered and partially confused look on his face, yet Paul got the feeling Shawn was contemplating it.

"It hurts to talk about it, Paul." Shawn replied, making Paul sigh.

He took a step forward and placed a shaky hand on Shawn's shoulder.

"You know what they say, Shawn. 'At times it does hurt to be healed.'"

A/N: Woo-hoo! Another chapter completed! Hope you guys enjoyed reading it. I've been planning it out for quite some time, but I could never decide on how to go about having everything happen. I know it's weird, but such as life.

I told you the strange turn of events in 'The Devil's Language Taste of Lust' (Chapter 31) was going to make more sense as time went on… And by that, in case you're too lazy to check, I'm referring to the bond between Shane and Shawn that was brought forth when Shane's wrists started bleeding to match what was happening to Shawn.

The name of the chapter, as well as what Paul told Shawn (At Times It Does Hurt To Be Healed) is a line in the song 'Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I'm Falling' by Louis Hobson, Alice Ripley, J. Robert Spencer, Jennifer Damiano & Aaron Tveit from the Broadway musical, Next to Normal. It's such an amazing show!