"So, I suppose it is time for both of you to properly meet." Marvolo said while sitting down at the table.
A plate with toast and eggs instantly appeared, and without batting an eyelash the Dark Lord casually started eating his breakfast while the woman, who was still standing next to the table, eyed the plate suspiciously. Harry sat down next to the man and also started eating as pancakes with melted chocolate appeared in front of him, and completely ignored the disapproving look his lover gave him. Instead, he gazed at the woman, hoping it didn't look too much like glaring. 'Subtly', he placed his hand on top of Marvolo's, lightly stroking the skin. The blonde raised an eyebrow at the movement, and it looked like something clicked in her head before she guarded her expression again. Lips curling into a satisfied smirk, Harry continued eating, sending an image through the link of chocolate dripping over something completely unrelated to pancakes.
Marvolo grabbed his hand and looked him in the eyes, eyebrows raised, a mixture of arousal, amusement and irritation flowing through the link. "Harry, this is Shade. She was recommended to me by your previous guard and teacher."
"You don't mean…" Harry said, pulling a face when thinking of Eyolf's horrible lessons. He scowled when Marvolo confirmed it. "Then... she is an assassin?"
"Yes."
"A Muggle!"
"I can't exactly surround you by wizard assassins when we're going to negotiate with the Muggle Government."
Harry's scowl deepened. "I don't need bodyguards."
"I beg to differ. It seems she saved your life on the last raid… which we will be speaking about later." Harry's glare only grew worse when he saw one of the woman's eyebrows subtly lift. He grudgingly told himself to at least give her a chance, but both 'assassin' and 'Muggle' didn't really fit his idea for a person he wanted to be around. Then again, there were times Eyolf had been nice... and there were also Muggles like Hermione's parents, who weren't that bad…
"I suppose I shall leave you alone to… talk." Marvolo said as he finished his food and stood up. He walked to the open doors, turning around on the threshold. "Try to not insult each other. Harry, be nice, and Shay, don't forget he is your master, not your charge." With that, he left.
Harry breathed out slowly, poking his fork in his food, pondering on Marvolo's last words. It seemed that this time he was supposed to be more than just a 'project' for his new bodyguard. A very nice change… He peeked up to Shay, seeing that her pale blue eyes were scanning the room, her posture as tense as Eyolf's always was. It seemed it was something that was branded into their very beings during training. He was very surprised to hear that the Guild also had Muggles. From what he heard from Eyolf, he's thought an institute for magicians only. After all, Muggles had many disadvantages, so why choose a Muggle over any wizard or witch?
He followed her look, his gaze falling on all the dark spots in the ill-lit room. He only noticed now how dark it really was in here. It had struck him as odd when he first arrived, but he'd slowly gotten used to that most rooms were so dark. Only the ones connected to the outside walls had windows in them, but the meeting and dinner room did not. Instead, a large hearth and some torches on the walls illuminated the space and scarce furniture in it. He could understand that the woman might not be feeling very at ease here.
"So…" he spoke up, feeling a bit awkward. "I suppose I'll have to thank you for earlier."
"It was my duty." she answered with a tight smile.
Silence fell over them again, and moments seemed to trickle by more slowly than should be possible. "Do you have any idea what you exactly have to do?" he asked, curious. "I mean, will you have to constantly hang around, or train me, or only accompany me if I need to go out or what?"
"I shall accompany you when you go meet other non-magical people, like me, or if there are no other wizards available to protect you when dealing with magical people or creatures."
"Do you also hate the Guild?" he asked. "And please, sit."
She blinked, a bit thrown off. "I'd rather keep standing." she curtly said. "And for your other question... it looks like you know more of the Guild than most people… Yes, I hate it. I am surprised to hear that your previous guard also did though. Eyolf is one of the highest ranked members. Wizard, gifted, his teacher's darling…" she bit out.
Harry raised his eyebrows, not sure how to react on her clear dislike for his former teacher. "Well, he told me bits about it yeah, and he made it clear on multiple occasions that, while he thinks the Guild is necessary, he'd loved to have lived a normal life…"
"Necessary…" she somberly muttered. "He would say that."
"You don't agree?"
"They always say that this, training the people who are up to it, is a good way to prevent outright war where innocents are slaughtered. Maybe it is so… but that cannot be a morally just excuse to kidnap children and train them to kill. Now, I don't want to speak of the Guild anymore. I angered quite a few people there with 'rebellious and revolutionary opinions,' and am sort of banished from it, though the strings of my life are still in their hands."
"I'm sorry… You may not believe me, but I know how it is to be raised to hunt or be hunted…" Harry answered her.
"I don't need your attempts of understanding," she harshly said. "You, a wizard, could never understand what I went through in that hell, what I'm still going through."
Harry gritted his teeth. "You're wrong." he replied. "You are assuming that my life was great because I had magic? I may not know a lot about you, but I'm at least trying to understand you! You know nothing about my life, about who I am or what I had to deal with, and you're not even trying! I'll rely on you for my protection, because I know you won't dare to fail your job, but unless your attitude changes, I don't think we'll ever get along!"
He brusquely rose and turned around, striding towards the door.
"I still don't know my new 'master's' name." she mockingly yelled after him.
He turned around, jaw tight as he looked at her. "The name's Harry. Harry James Potter."
He left the room, not seeing her arrogant, fearless mask crumble to an expression of shock before she cursed, running after him.
"Wait!"
"I have nothing more to say to you."
"You're Potter. Harry Potter. As in actually, the Harry Potter?"
He faced her once more, raising an eyebrow. "What's it to you?"
"I'm sorry.' she hastened to say. "The Dark Lord wanted such protection for you.. I thought you were some snobbish pureblood kid… I couldn't have been more wrong. Your deeds are known everywhere…"
"I don't even remember anything of the night I defeated him, I was a baby, and frankly, I don't care. goodbye." he started to make his way upstairs, sighing in irritation as he heard her quick footsteps following him and passing him so that she blocked his way.
"Breaking the teacher's security in Hogwarts and snatching the stone of life away in front of your enemy, just because you thought it was just… Defeating a Basilisk single-handedly, not to be heroic, but to save your best friend's sister. Finding your inner strength to save those you loved time and time again, always at least trying to find another way than death… And above all, you set a slave free from the bonds of his cruel master." Harry looked with shock as her eyes shimmered brightly with a mixture of excitement and joyful tears. "I didn't know it was you… I didn't know… God, you've been my hero the past few years! The one who fought, not for the violence, or because he was told to, or for your own gain, but for the justice and for the freedom and lives of others."
"I didn't realize you'd heard of me…" Harry muttered. "Aren't you a Muggle…?"
"Well, yes, but the Guild was one of the few –maybe the only- place where both Wizards and Muggles trained alike. Or well, alike might not be the best words… We are very much looked down upon by all magicians, no matter that we had it harder. No magic, and still expected to do the same things…" her voice trailed off, and she shook her head. "But I doubt you'd be willing to hear of my past tragedies," she muttered.
"I don't mind," he answered, giving her a weak smile. "I have heard bits about the Guild, and it both sickens and intrigues me. And also.. if what you say is true, then the Assassin's guild is the only example we have of a place where magical and non-magical people live together. Weren't you frightened when you were shown that such a thing as Magic existed?"
"Of course I was…" she nearly whispered. "It was beyond my wildest dreams. But it was also very painful to see that there was something so wonderful in the world, and yet I was forced to only watch others use it, for I had not been born blessed. On the other hand, in those first years, I saw magic as nothing else than harmful. The only magic I ever witnessed back then were new ways to kill or magic used to ease the hunt before the kill or the cleaning up after. Only when I had finished my training and was allowed back into the outside world on my own, did I see that magic had so many other purposes."
"Magic can be a wonderful thing… but also a terrible one," the teen agreed with her, bowing his head to let his hair fall into his eyes, obscuring his hard look from view. "But so can Muggle techniques and technology be. or even Muggles themselves. It all depends on the one who wields the power given to him."
"How did you end up here, under the protection of… well… your parents' murderer? he seems rather protective of you."
"Over-protective, I'd say," Harry grinned, fondly. "but I don't mind too much, even though I'll never tell him so and will do my best to fight every time he feels the need to add another layer of security. I know he's doing it to protect me, but it can be quite… constraining sometimes. Whenever he's not personally around or in my head, he has people following me. I don't even think he cares that I know about that."
"From what I saw on the battle-field, you do need someone to watch your back," she frowned.
"I must admit that I am not very well accustomed to battles like that yet. I've dueled, but usually only one-on-one. Last battle was completely new to me."
"That's not an excuse to refuse help and nearly lose your life."
"And as you saw, I did not refuse help," he stated, raising an eyebrow. "For a Muggle, you held your own better than I thought you capable of… among all those wizards and witches…"
"I did train with magicians… I have never faced them in the heat of battle, but I have been trained to do so."
"Still, training and battle are something else entirely. I have witnessed that now myself. During training there is not the possibility of being killed by an angry mob. How come you seemed so confident?"
"Training and battle may differ for you, harry Potter, but the training I received was very much lethal to some. Most of my kind did not survive the 'Muggle hunts' for example. Let loose a group of Muggles in training and send a horde of magicians in training after them… the Muggles who could make it to the other side of the forest were safe.. the other ones were seen… unfit for further training."
Harry's eyes grew wide, and he looked up to her in shock. "That's barbaric!"
"It was my life. You told me Eyolf hated the Guild… that may be so, but he had no right to speak. No wizard who was trained there has a right to speak. Compared to the hardships we faced, the training of magicians was.. far easier. At least their lives were valued, and most survived. As a Muggle there… let's just say that out of my year, we started with forty, and ended with two. and to my deep regret, the other one died soon after."
"You must be quite something, to be the only one left," he said softly, having gained a new-found respect for this woman.
"And from what I've heard, you are quite something too." It was said with warmth, although her voice was the only thing to betray her feelings, her face proud, and hard. Harry studied her face for a moment, and especially the deep lines in it, and though her her face was worn with hardship instead of time, it had had the same effect. Smiling slightly, he offered her his hand.
"I'll gladly accept any further help and protection you can offer me," he said, sincere.
"And I'll do my best to fulfill that duty."
A tad wary, he shook the hand of the usually so stoic woman. Nervously, he licked his lips, taking in the room he'd arrived in. He hadn't been here very often. Usually Lucius came to Marvolo's manor –well, technically, it was his home too now, but he could never help thinking of it as Marvolo's. It still didn't feel very much like home to him, with the many rooms he'd never even seen-, for their lessons, instead of the other way around. The study was a lot... colder than he was used to. The dark, rich green colours and dark wood that dominated Marvolo's study wasn't present here, and instead, the main colours were light cream and icy blue.
"Harry, it's a pleasure to see you again." Narcissa smiled, and harry answered it before taking her offered hand, pressing a quick kiss to her knuckles. He braced himself for the many pureblood formalities that would surely follow, but he was shocked as she relaxed and gestured to the couch. "Well then, I think it would be better to skip the pleasantries and get to the point. Please sit down and tell me what exactly is wrong with your health."
"Right," he awkwardly replied, still shocked by her casual behaviour. It was strange to hear any pureblood, and especially the matriarch of one of the most prestigious Dark families, dump all pureblood etiquette just to 'get to the point', skipping all the dancing around the topic. More than that, it was unheard of. He suddenly felt a lot better already to have come here, and his nerves regarding having to tell anyone about his personal problems, disappeared. He sat down on the comfortable couch, and she dragged a chair over, somehow still managing to maintain all her grace as she sat down in front of him, her hands folded in her lap.
"Tell me exactly what your problems are and how you think I can help you."
Harry nodded, thoughtful. "It's a bit complicated to explain, but somehow my magic is too busy to suppress nightmares to help make antigens or something and I fall ill for every little thing?"
Narcissa raised an eyebrow. " While that is a very rough explanation I understand what you mean… Your natural magical ability to copy and maintain antigens in your body sometimes halts because everything of it focuses on a part of your brain? And as you have, like all wizards, only magically created antigens you don't have natural ones who can take the task over?"
"Yeah... and unless everywhere I go is completely bacteria and virus free I can get Muggle diseases. I went to Madame Pomfrey with this, and she said that the only thing I could do was trying to get over the trauma that gives me such strong nightmares… Few things I don't understand though: how come it doesn't do this when I think of what happened to me when I'm awake?"
"Your conscious mind focuses your magic. You may not be aware of it all the time because it is a natural thing, a reflex, is you will. Unless something really bad happens, it is within your control. Thinking of past traumas would not trigger unintentional shifts in your magic, as you know it is not having an impact on you at that moment, not in the physical sense. But when you are asleep and dreaming of it, both your reflex for focusing your magic is gone, and your mind thinks that is is happening at that very moment. The combination of that is what would trigger such an extreme reaction. The phenomenon is not unheard of, and I've known two other people who suffered from this."
"But they were able to get over it?" the teen hopefully asked, while wondering if he knew those people.
"One, yes. The other has taken to sterilising the air of whatever room he sleeps in, and also takes a dreamless sleep potion just in case." Harry pulled a face, not exactly knowing what to think of that. "But truth be told, the second one never wanted to accept help from anyone but himself…"
"Well, I guess I'm step ahead already then." Harry smiled nervously.
"Certainly. But it will only get harder from here. Don't worry though, In will try to help you in any way. now, the first thing I need to know is your story… what exactly is it that happened to you?"
"To make a very long story short? I was abused. The... family I was placed with after my parents died were everything but loving. they hated me out of fear for what I was and what I could do… The only reason they didn't dump me at an orphanage was because they felt threatened by Dumbledore. I wish they had though… keeping me only worsened things. I don't think they ever saw me as a human being." he bitterly replied, clenching his eyes shut as visions from his past flooded his mind, a hand rising to strike, the pain that followed, the fear of being chased, knowing more pain would follow if Dudley and his gang found him… "to get an idea, it is sort of how your husband, and perhaps you too, treated your house-elf Dobby."
Narcissa stiffened at the half-accusation, most likely remembering that it was Harry who had set the elf free. Harry sighed, not wanting to get into an argument with the woman. ''But no matter... the point is that they gave me a horrible life. Beyond the emotional abuse of constant hatred, there was also the physical abuse, from being denied food to outright being hit by them. And while I know, rationally, that I am much stronger than they are, and that I am not abnormal like they wanted me to believe, it's still hard to think of them as anything else but invincible people who can hurt me whenever they please.'' He didn't notice how he curled up into himself, nor the understanding look Narcissa gave him, her face hardening with each word.
''They're disgusting,'' she finally said, her lips trembling. ''Absolutely horrible. I perfectly understand how this could cause nightmares as strong as those you suffer from... Harry, tell me, what exactly do you feel when you remember?''
''Fright...'' he mumbled. ''I feel powerless and afraid.''
''Any mood swings? Feeling disconnected? Withdrawing from others? Difficulty concentrating?''
Harry frowned. ''All of those... but I never connected that to the memories. I just thought that was a part of my personality.''
''They might be... they might not.''
He looked down at his hands, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. ''Who am I then?'' he whispered. ''Who would I have been if I had grown up with my parents? Would I have been a completely different person? Did they change me that much?''
''Harry, you are who you are now. Everyone is who their experiences make them out to be. Perhaps you had the potential to become another person, but you also had the potential to become who you are now. You're doing great, much better than I had expected, but you must remember that it cannot be changed anymore, and neither can all the effects. We can only try to help you accept and get through this, to show you that you are stronger than your mind seems to think.''
''How do you propose I do that?''
''Well, it's best to find a way in which you can express yourself well first. You did great telling me your story but I noticed at times that you were telling it in a...detached tone. Try pouring your feelings into your story, and then try to associate your story with other feelings, perhaps the feeling you usually get when expressing yourself through your chosen means. The person I told you about who got over it played the violin, and tried to convey her memories into a musical piece. After, she slowly started to associate the story with making music, something she loved. I'm not saying the exact same method will work for you, but we can try. Some people prefer writing, others doing something with their hands...''
''I like drawing.'' he muttered. ''But I don't know if I can express those memories on paper.. or even if I want to.''
''You don't have to draw detailed scenes... perhaps abstract art?''
Harry thought about it, and mentally, he already started to see sketches of different feelings,different memories... there was an awful lot of red and yellow in it, but he... even liked the idea, somehow. ''I will try.''
''Good, but remember: not too much at the same time. Try working chronologiccally, and pick one or two memories a time. Meditate, go over them, try to analyse how you felt and instead of bottling it up, let it pour out of your fingers, on the paper.''
"Thank you so much." Harry said with sincerity.
"You're welcome dear." The woman smiled. "But please, only thank me when we get actual results. This is only athe first session, after all."
"Still…" the teen said. '
He glanced at the clock on the wall, mentally groaning when it was a wizard-made one. Planets and stars circled around five clock hands, making strange, zigzagging movements to avoid bumping into them. He missed Narcissa's amused look, but he did hear the humour in it when she said: "It's nearly three, Harry."
"Ah, he answered, his calm suddenly gone, stomach clenching.
"What's wrong?"
"Sirius."
"Serious… What is serious?" she asked, confused, her brow furrowing.
"No, no, my godfather, Sirius. Sirius Black."
"My... dear cousin?" She pulled a face.
"Yes, that one."
"I wonder why the Dark Lord let that mongrel run free," she growled. "And that after that abhorrent display in this very house during the Yule Ball…"
"I asked," the teen softly stated, meeting her surprised look with dark, sparkling eyes. "And I'd prefer it if you did not insult him. He may be rash, but his views and actions are largely a result of people who have manipulated and used him throughout his life, both Light and Dark."
"He's our enemy! Surely the Dark Lord…"
"Hopefully not for very long." Harry interrupted her. "He said he'd meet me this evening… Although where and how, I have no clue. It's still a few hours, but he hasn't contacted me again. As far as I know, he hasn't found a solution to the problem of finding a place to meet. I doubt he knows I'm here, and neither does he have my... other address."
"What of summer?"
"He was obliviated, and Marvolo –the Dark Lord- ensured that he forgot the way he found me as well." He replied, falling into a brooding silence after. He should have tried to find a way yesterday, and instead spent it with Marvolo. Not that he hadn't needed a relaxed day after all the turbulence of the war, but he cursed himself for forgetting something a important as this. He suddenly looked up, noticing that Narcissa had been staring at him with an odd expression, probably for quite a while already."
"What?"
"You called him by a name… and not one that is well-known."
"Who?"
"The Dark Lord… Marvolo?"
"Oh, yeah, it's one of his birth names. His middle one actually, he doesn't like the others…"
She was silent for a while, studying her polished nails, leaving Harry to wonder what she was thinking of before it dawned on him that there was a possibility that she didn't know. He bit his lip to contain a giggle, amused to see how she would bring it. "You've been his enemy for thirteen years. Now, half a year after you joined our side, he treats you as one who is of a higher rank then anyone has ever been granted. My husband, who has been the Dark Lord's right hand for years, didn't even get the privileges and protection you are granted. He watches over you, lets you stay in his home instead of finding a permanent residence for you, he lets you call him by his name… he seems to trust you completely…" she trailed off.
Harry just couldn't hold it anymore. The way she was trying to subtly bring it up like it was a giant secret made him burst out in loud laughter, shocking her. "Sorry!" he apologised when his snickers had nearly died down. "I forgot that you hardly ever come to meetings, but Merlin, that there are still people… people so clueless among the ranks! I will probably never fully get used to how being a Slytherin works… Lucius was there and didn't tell Draco, and apparently neither of them told you?"
"Was where and told me what, exactly, Harry? What are you among us?" she asked, obviously slightly offended. Harry rose his hand and waved it in front of her to show his ring. "I'm his fiancé. Have been for months. After the war, he'll be my husband."
Narcissa spluttered in a very uncharacteristic way. "Fiancé?" she asked in a high-pitched, shocked voice. Whatever she had thought him to be, this apparently had not crossed her mind once.
"You honestly didn't know, or think of the possibility?"
"Well, no! I thought that he might be training you as his apprentice, or that you might not have been who you said you were and had creature blood in you or discovered that you're had ancient heritage… But to hear that you're involved with him?"
"It's not like we hide it," Harry replied, still amused beyond words. "At one of the first meetings he kissed me full on the mouth in front of everyone to state that I belong to him. That was what I was referring to when I said Lucius knew."
"Well, of course he didn't tell me! That the Lord showed that to those present doesn't mean everyone there was allowed to tell their social circles. Of course I wouldn't go off blabbering about it, but out of principle, he couldn't have told me."
"As I said, Slytherins… In Gryffindor, the whole bloody world would have heard the news in days.
"I am very glad to be able to say that I have no experience dealing with Gryffindors." she huffed.
"Glad for you to have missed it as well," Harry answered, amused. "Though to be fair… it was a lot warmer sometimes. I miss the Gryffindor common room sometimes…"
"I suppose we all like different things... I could never stand the masses…
Harry
Harry's head jerked up when he heard Marvolo's voice in his head all of a sudden, and he narrowed his eyes in concentration.
What? I'm still at the Malfoys.
I know dear, but didn't you want to chase Black today? Well, not that you'll have to do much chasing…
How so?
You didn't really think I would have let him go without a way to find him? Marvolo said, sounding slightly offended. I placed a tracking spell on him. He's currently wandering around the Malfoy property, which is why I thought it fit to warn you. I don't know if he can get in, but…
He must've thought that they would know where I was…
So it seems the mutt does have some brains. Or a good nose. Whatever the case, you'd better go and meet up with him before he does something stupid like trying to break into the Malfoy wards and have himself skinned alive.
Harry felt the link close, and he figured Marvolo had other things to do than busy himself with following Sirius. Instead, the teen turned to Narcissa. "It appears your cousin is just outside of your property, so I won't really have to search further… Please excuse me, but I need to get to him before he tried to run through your wards and get himself killed."
"How do you know?" Narcissa asked, confused.
"Apparently Marvolo placed a tracking spell on him…"Harry said, absent-mindedly, getting up and walking to the window, trying to see if he could make out a black dog, but the Malfoy properties were even a lot larger than Marvolo's. The gates were only to be seen from the other wing of the house, and the fence and what lied beyond was obscured by thick bushes and evergreen trees.
"I do not want him on my property," Narcissa sternly told him. "He is a traitor to my family, and I swore to never let him near this house."
"Right… I understand. I'll try to find him and take him back with me… I have a Portkey to home, so I won't need the fireplace again. I'm really sorry for breaking this off so abruptly," he apologised, already walking to the door. "I promise that I'll stay longer next time."
He nearly ran down the stairs, cursing the manor for being so fucking large. Luckily they hadn't been in a far wing of the Manor, but it still took him several minutes before he reached the front door. He shivered when stepping outside, the icy wind pulling harshly at his thin robes. Rubbing his arms to will away the cold, he ran further to reach the gates, hoping Sirius hadn't tried to break in yet. the only reason why he and the other Order members had been able to break in during Yule had apparently been because layers of wards had been stripped down by Lucius himself, allowing all guests in his home. Sirius really couldn't hope to manipulate the wards as they currently were... The only one who was able to do so, besides the Malfoy family, was Marvolo, due to his sheer power and skill.
It was only when he reached the gates that he noticed a large, black dog on the other side, who yapped happily, and started to wag his tail vigorously. Harry released a relieved breath when he saw that Sirius wasn't trying to get in… Well, he supposed that the man knew how the Malfoy wards worked… or the wards of any other Dark family home. Harry pushed the gates open and stepped outside, hurrying forwards as they slammed close again behind him.
"Sirius…" he smiled, as his godfather turned human again.
"Harry... I was already worried that I wouldn't find you in time… How have you been since Friday? No injuries?"
"A few, but they were healed soon after and none were lethal…"
"You didn't go when I told you to." The accusation in the tone was clear, but if the man thought that he could scold Harry, he was wrong.
"I was supposed to stay, and I did. If I would have ran, I wouldn't have been able to face those I stand for… If I can't fight, then how can I expect others to do it for me?"
"It shouldn't be your responsibility to fight…"
"You could've told Dumbledore when he sent me to fight a Basilisk without lifting a finger. Oh, or when he invited a couple of hundred Dementors into Hogwarts... or had me compete in the Triwizard Tournament even if he could, legally, have gotten me out of it." Sirius blinked, taken aback, at a loss of what to say in return. "But that's not what you came here for, is it?" Harry sighed. "Do you have a specific place in mind where you want to talk? Narcissa refuse you entrance here… We could go to the Dark lord's manor but…"
"I prefer not having any Death Eaters or Dark lords listening in, if you don't mind… What about the Shrieking shack? I know you don't have very good memories of it, but it's a quiet, unmonitored place and I can apparated us straight in…"
"Sounds like a plan." The teen replied, not feeling the need to tell Sirius that Marvolo could listen in whenever he wanted. "As far as I know, we also have no people in or around that place."
"Good... good. Oh, Harry?"
"Hmm?"
"It's good to see you again kid." Sirius grinned, swinging an arm around the teen. Without warning, Harry got the nauseating feeling of Apparition, and while it was over in the few seconds, he felt like emptying his stomach on the wooden floor they landed on. He groaned, holding his head in his hands for a few moments until the dizziness stopped before he dared to glance up. Sirius didn't seem to have a problem, already walking around, checking the rickety shack on life and casting silencing wards when he found none. Harry carefully moved to the dust-covered couch in the room and sat down, sneezing loudly when some of it got into his nose. He drew his wand, casting a Scourgify, satisfied when it all disappeared instantly.
"You're surprisingly good at cleaning spells." Sirius commented. "I'm really bad at those… any tips?"
Harry hoped his hardest that he wasn't blushing when he told his godfather: "Just practice it a lot." Sirius' eyebrows rose, but didn't comment further on it. Harry tried to distract himself from the awkward silence by lighting up the room a bit. All windows were still blocked by the wooden planks that had been nailed in front of them, making the room dark and stale. A few insects fled for the light, and Harry almost wished he hadn't cast it, as the light revealed more of the room than he'd wished to see, including plaques of soggy mold that covered part of the walls. The couch dipped as the man sat down, his hands nervously carding through his hair.
"So…" Instead of commenting, Harry chewed on his lip, not quite sure what to say now they were here. Thankfully, Sirius continued himself. "Not the most pleasant place for a conversation, but some things really do need to be cleared up… You told me a few interesting things before, and I'd like to have a more complete view of what exactly is going on, and in particular, how you suddenly ended up at the Dark Side."
"To answer your last question first… There were a few reasons for that. I finally found out that the Light has been spouting a lot of lies regarding what the Dark stands for, keeping me ignorant and docile. And the worst thing is that many of them believe wholeheartedly in what they tell others. And I know how you got these ideas... of course I've researched the history and files about the last war, and I agree on that such a thing must never happen again, but it's different this time, and that's really not just a load of propagandistic bull. The first war was a quest for power, with twisted ideas about purifying the world from 'Muggle scum'. Or actually, it didn't even start like that. You know how much followers he had at first, and you probably also remember why. He had good beliefs, and also made changes, for the better of our kind and all sorts of creatures."
"And then we found out it was all a cover-up of a power-hungry madman, all good changes were destroyed and the world was thrown into blood, chaos and fear. Yes Harry, I remember that very well. Better than you, I would think." Sirius harshly said. "And instead, not only were magical people seen as gods compared to Muggles, everyone who wasn't a 'pure' witch or wizard was slaughtered, or forced into hiding. There was an iron hierarchy, with only very few people benefiting. Yes, magic was free… Magic that was used to spread even more violence and war, magic used to suppress so-called 'Mudbloods' or the vermin that were Muggles. And Dumbledore changed that. Dumbledore and the Order changed that…"
"And then made sure that all laws went back to the old ones, improving nothing from before, declaring all laws Voldemort had implemented, even the really good ones that vouched for freedom and equality, null and void."
"It was better than leaving all laws he made… this was easier. You don't understand, the whole book of law had been revised. There was no telling what was good to keep and what wasn't… We were just recovering from a war, half the population had been wiped out. Families torn apart or worse…"
"I'm not saying it wasn't awful. I wasn't there, of course, but I read the records, I spoke to many people who had lived the war… but it does say a lot that Death Eaters who had switched sides during the first wars are coming back to us now… That people who were completely light are flocking to our side. It's not the same anymore. He went back to his old goals, creating a world where magic can be practised out in the open, accepted by Muggles…''
''Or so he wants us to believe.'' Sirius gave him an unconvinced look. ''It was also what he wanted us to believe the first time, but it didn't happen like that. My brother died in His service,and your parents, along with many of my other friends. Friend and foe alike died, in combat or in the 'safety' of their houses. You try to convince me of that this time, He is different, but how can you guarantee me that, or that it will remain this way?''
Harry sighed deeply, plucking at his fringe and rubbing his fingers over his scar. '' Because I can feel him. Everything he feels, I feel too, and everything he thinks I can hear too, even though I don't always do that to not intrude his privacy too much. I know him perhaps better than I know myself, and I'm certainly the only person who ever will know him like this.'' He leaned back as he let that revelation sink in, and judging by Sirius' shocked, pale face, the man needed those few minutes of silence to process what he had just heard. Harry had not planned on giving away this information. He knew that, should Sirius tell Dumbledore, the headmaster would do everything in his power to use it.
''You can read his mind.'' Sirius rasped. '' The mind of the most powerful, cruel dark wizard this world has ever known. His secrets, his knowledge, his memories... all bared to you?''
''Essentially... yes, although he knows it when I look at something.''
''He must be terrified,''his godfather whispered, and looked up in shock as Harry started to laugh, after which he smiled wickedly.
''Not exactly.''
''Oh?''
''He enjoys corrupting me,'' the teen replied with amusement. '' And he can also send me specific thoughts... pervy images mostly. He has quite the sense of humour.''
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xx GeMerope