Thanks to Torry-Riddle - best beta ever.
Disclaimer: I own nothing - Veronica Roth does.
I enter the Pit two hours later, touchpad still under my arm, hands in the pockets of my black pants. My neck slightly burns from the new number inked into my skin – 3621. I calmed down when I started to walk around the compound again. For a moment I wished I could go outside but the pouring rain was too much trouble I didn't want to deal with. I went to the tattoo parlor instead, not speaking much and Tori sensing my mood didn't push me.
I feel slightly remorseful for letting my friends wait for so long but they don't seem to be put out. Maybe they are used to me just vanishing without an idea where I went and don't bother to ask me anymore. The thought is uncomfortable and I make up my mind that I will let them know to some degree what I am up to. It may become dangerous in the future if no one knows where I am and just chalks it up to me disappearing often without a note.
I take a relaxing breath and just appear next to Peter who is leaning with one shoulder against a wall. Peter acknowledges me first and the others nod in welcome soon after.
"It feels great, don't you think?" Will says and I am confused for a moment what makes his voice a bit higher with happiness and eagerness.
"He hasn't shut up about the jobs since we came here." Peter says when he sees my frown. I nod and sigh slightly.
"We will learn so many new things..." His comment makes me chuckle slightly because he sounds dreamy and as if he can't believe his luck. Will's display lightens my mood further with his Erudite way that I don't think he is even aware of.
"Honey, I like you very much and love to listen to you, but please shut up already." Chris speaks up, taking his hand into hers. He kisses her temple and nods, cheeks a bit red maybe realising that he has gone overboard with his excitement.
"So, what did you chose?" I ask, my voice laced with slight interest. Maybe they had the chance of a choice on their own.
"Guard in the Factionless sector with the prospect of becoming a commander one day." Peter says and I look at him. He seems to be proud and I think he loves the idea both of doing what he wanted to do anyway with an added bonus of having power over a few people. I think it appeals to his ego.
"I will work in the infirmary. And Uriah will go to the control room to work with his brother and Four learning to run the place because he made second place and I quote: 'Because the Leaders are expecting big things from me'." Marlene speaks up, chuckling softly at the last part earning her a playful scowl from Uriah. Her caring being and brave nature will come quite in handy and I can picture her as a doctor one day quite easily.
"You will be my sweet little nurse. I can see it now..." Uriah teases back and Marlene blushes to the roots of her hair, shoving him slightly but smiling brilliantly, obviously not too uncomfortable with the picture as well.
"What about you, Chris? Will?" I ask and look in their direction.
"I will overlook the simulations with the serums, working as a sort of tie to Erudite to point out things that could be improved and supervising the fear landscapes. And I will work with computers. So everything is just the way I want and where my assets can be used properly." He smiles and it's easy to see that he is really happy with the way things worked out for him.
"Yeah, you will be happy howled up in this compound." Chris quips up. Will's smile doesn't waver though and we all chuckle lightly.
"I will help in reconstructing parts of the compound. Dauntless wants to change a few things about its infrastructure, putting the rooms that were empty or just store rooms to good use. I will help plan the process, maybe even design some things. It sounded pretty interesting when Randolf told me about it in the meeting. Erudite plans to get our technology up to date as well and I am looking forward to the process." Chris' eyes are filled with eagerness and I am happy that the part of her that likes to change things for the better and working creative will be put to good use.
"So no one is going to the fence. That's a relief." I say and smile. Of course it wouldn't be a terrible job because I am still convinced that every task in Dauntless, in all the Factions really, has some merit. But going to guard the fence often means staying away from the compound for a month at least and that would mean that we wouldn't meet as much anymore.
"What about you, Trissy?" Uriah speaks up and I sigh, feeling the weight settle on my shoulders again. I chew my lip for a moment, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
"Max ordered me – yes ordered – to become his assistent, maybe even a Leader in a few years." I say and my voice doesn't hide how I feel about it. I am still angry to some degree though not as burning hot angry anymore I was back in Max' office.
"I told you so." Peter quips up and I roll my eyes at him. I wish he wouldn't have been right. I wish I would have had a choice.
"You don't sound too happy about it." Chris says, her voice careful. I snort at her words and shrug slightly.
"I am not." I reply in a huff and I feel pathetic for being so childish about it.
"Why? I mean, it's a great opportunity and I think – well, we all think – you will do great." I smile at Marlene's encouraging words, see the others nod in agreement and a powerful feeling of caring for these people, for their opinion rushes through me.
"It's not that I despise the idea. Really, when I think objectively about it, it sure is a great job with lots of different fields to work on, but I would have liked to make my own decision and I think I would have been happy to guard the Factionless just like Peter." He smirks at me and I answer him with a smile of my own.
"Well, it's wasted talent on both of your parts." Chris says easily, shrugging her shoulders.
"Hey!" Peter says and crosses his arms in front of him in defiance. I snort in amusement at his face and he scowls at me. I shove him slightly with my shoulder and he concentrates his eyes on anything than me, trying to fight the smile that is quite visible on his features though.
"Well, I will just have to wait and see, I guess." I say and finish the discussion with it.
"Did you go to your apartments yet?" I ask after a few moments and Uriah scowls at me. I am slightly taken aback, raising my brows at his reaction.
"Ignore Uri. He is just jealous." Lynn says, coming up to us.
"Why would he be?" I ask her and she smirks broadly.
"Well, because we are Dauntless-born and you aren't you are favoured in the assignment of apartments. And because there aren't many available flats at the moment we have to stay with our parents until someone dies or moves in with someone else or whatever." Lynn replies nonchalantly.
"It's easy for you. You will just move in with Four if you both are ready, but I still have to live with my mum who really is a pain in the ass sometimes... and to think I gave her a piece of my mind this morning because I thought I wouldn't go back there..." We all laugh at his pain filled face and he pursues his lips in annoyance at our reaction.
"You can always come and crash on my couch." I say easily and he throws me one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen.
"Yeah, or sleep with me in my room at my parent's." Marlene says, wiggling her eyebrows. Uriah smirks but pales a few seconds later.
"I really like the idea, babe, but I don't think ... well, with your parents next door..." Peter snorts and pipes up.
"What? Afraid to meet her father's fist when you exit her room after 'sleeping over'?" Uriah flips him off and Peter laughs at his reaction, we joining in as well.
"You haven't seen her father yet..." Uriah just mumbles, shuddering a bit and Marlene squeezes his arm in reassurance. I shake my head in amusement.
"As sorry as I feel for you guys, I want to take a look at my new apartment." I say and pull the keys out of my pockets. On the ring holding the keys together is a small piece of black leather, hackneyed by years of passing from hand to hand, the number 34 embedded into it with white paint.
"I am up to it as well!" Chris says pulling her key ring out as well.
"Do you know where I can find apartment number 34?" I ask the Dauntless-born around us and Uriah nods, taking Marlene's hand.
"Come, we will show you." He says and with that we are on our way: We will set foot into our flats for the first time but it feels like we will gain so much more than just new living arrangements.
When I enter my flat for the first time I cough lightly. The air is stale and the curtains are drawn. I find the light switch easily and the sterile light that comes to life above me hurts my eyes. I huff, go over to the windows pulling the curtains away and open them to let the fresh air after the downpour enter my new living room. I see dispersible dust dancing in the air, the sunbeams not holding the warmth of summer but bright enough to illuminate the room. I frown slightly. First thing will be cleaning this place thoroughly I decide.
"Well, it isn't much, is it?" Christina says, sitting down on the small black couch. I hear the disappointment in her voice and shrug with a small smile. It may not be much but I don't care anyway. I put my touchpad down on the table in front of the couch. On it are stains probably from glasses and cups put down on it carelessly from the person that lived here before me.
"I haven't expected anything else, really." I say and go to the counter separating the small kitchenette from the living room pushing the three barstools out of my way to lean over it. I look to the sink and the two heating plates, the steel not shining but dully grey and chalk crusting the tap and drain board. A cupboard is hanging over the small worktop. Underneath it are two cabinets. At least I will have enough room to put away all the little things I need to feel at home. I go around the counter and open the refrigerator that seems huge in comparison to the rest of the kitchenette, closing it a second later when I smell the foul stench wafting out of it. At least there aren't any old groceries in there, I say myself and don't let the state my apartment is in dim my happiness that I can call this place my own.
"I think it's slightly disheartening." Chris says, coming up to me as I make my way down a small corridor to find my bathroom.
"Well, I think you expected too much and that's the reason why you don't see the possibilities." I answer her, trying to lighten her mood a bit. We look into the bathroom. White tiling, a mirror over a normal sized sink and a shower with a door out of what appears to be glass. But I can't really tell because there is too much chalk on it.
"Eww." The sound Christina emanates from her throat over my shoulder makes me laugh and I nod in agreement. I open the door opposite to the bathroom, switching on the light because the curtains here are drawn as well. My smile broadens when Chris jumps onto the huge bed, bouncing up and down on the white mattress. At least they got a new one. I don't really care about cleaning the dirt someone else left behind but sleeping on a mattress that Dauntless knows how many people used before me lets me shiver in disgust.
"This bed is heaven. So much better than the cots." Christina says in awe and I chuckle slightly.
"Well, the cots were comfy enough, but I know what you mean." I answer her and open the big dresser to the right side of the bed. One side has a bar and a few coat hangers, the other four boards. It's twice the size I really need for my clothes I think.
"You can even do your paperwork here." Chris says, looking behind the door from her position on the bed. I go to where she looks and find a small alcove with a desk, a chair and a reading lamp in it. I love the view of it and I think with a bit cleaning I will love the small apartment I call my own. I don't feel nervous about living on my own.
"I think I will have to go down to the shops and see what they have to clean this place. You will be ok seeing your apartment on your own?" Chris snorts at my playful concern and nods. We join the others who are lounging in my living room. My living room. I like the sound of that.
"Well, it isn't as perfect as I thought it would be." Uriah says as I lock my door up. I shrug, smile still present on my face.
"I love it." I say and wave to them before I make my way down to the Pit again. I want to start as soon as possible making this place my own.
My hands are slightly red from the chemicals I used to clean the rooms with, but you can see through the glass of the door of the shower now, the coffee table is without stains and my bedroom freshly mobbed. I think that is worth the irritation I put my skin through.
I get my things from the dorm then, shortly meeting with Peter who tells me he is three doors down from my apartment and that he found the washing machine at the end of the corridor. I also know because of him that I am allowed to use the washing machine on Thursdays because there is a plan on the door that tells us so.
On my way back to my apartment I buy a few things I will need. Sheets and towels, a blanket for the couch and a plant. I don't go overboard though. I lived simple in Abnegation and I don't see the need to spend my points on too many extravagant things. Being a practical person mostly I decide that the few necessaries will be enough for the moment, shoulder my bag with my clothes and soap and head back to my flat.
I am folding my clothes to put away into my dresser when I hear the floorboards of my corridor squeak. My shoulders tense and I scowl at my forgetfulness to lock the door. I lay down the shirt I was holding and try to find a good position if I need to defend myself. When I see Eric coming into my bedroom I relax instantly and laugh softly at my own reaction.
"I waited for you in the Pit." He states calmly, looking me up and down. I frown slightly. My hair is in a messy bun, a few strands escaping the elastic.
"What time is it?" I ask him and he shows me his wristwatch. I go over to him and read the time. Ten minutes to eight. My eyes widen slightly.
"Oh, I am sorry, Eric. I didn't know it was already so late." He shrugs nonchalantly, leans down and presses his lips to mine. I sigh into our kiss, now aware how much I missed the contact, my hands grabbing the fabric of his shirt to pull myself closer to him. He bites my lower lip and I hiss shortly in a mixture of surprise and pain. Eric pulls away then, a satisfied smirk on his lips.
"Don't forget it again." I nod, sucking my lip into my mouth to sooth the slight pain. I like the way he uses this way to get a point across. It's appealing and I feel hot for a moment. I think it's the side of me again that likes it when he is dominant and maybe a bit rough. His hand comes up, pulling my lip free and gently presses his to mine again, his tongue moving against my bottom lip leisurely alleviating the painful bite. I sigh when he pulls my head against his chest, his fingertips dancing along my spine.
"I missed you." I say, eyes still closed. His breath is hot on my forehead and I ignore the uncomfortable feeling in my toes for standing up on them for too long. He doesn't respond just slides his arms around me and holds me tight for a moment. I think it's his way of reciprocating my words and it's enough for me.
He takes my hand in his and leads me to the counter. I discover that he brought food and smile at him in thanks, feeling a warm emotion embrace my heart at his thoughtfulness. I take two plates and forks with me and join him taking the barstool next to his. His hand instantly finds my knee, brushing my thigh with his fingertips. I relax and start to unwrap our food to deposit some of it on our plates.
"How was your meeting?" He asks me casually and I feel angry again. Instead of waiting for an answer he starts to eat, chewing his rice and meat leisurely. I am grateful he gives me a moment to compose myself, to think about an answer.
"Well, to put it frankly, I was seething with rage when I exited Max' office." I say, taking up my fork only to push my food from one side to the other.
"How so?" Eric asks, looking at me calmly.
"Apparently the Leaders – including you – decided that it would be in my best interest to not let me decide what I want to do but make the decision for me, taking away my choice and making me as of tomorrow the assistant of Max. As if I was a child that couldn't make her own decisions." I look him square in the eyes then, not holding back the anger I feel at the situation though it dimmed down with time and the distraction of making my apartment livable. He raises an eyebrow at my display.
"At the moment you behave like one." He points out calmly and I feel my cheeks turn red because I know he is right to some degree and I feel ashamed I still haven't figured out to control my reaction. I sigh when he squeezes my knee and nod to let him know that he is right. He smiles for a short moment and starts to speak again.
"And I didn't decide anything. As far as I know it was Max' decision alone. I wasn't fully aware he made up his mind. I just heard rumors." Eric explains and I feel myself calm down a bit more. It would have been painful if Eric had a part in this mess.
"I am glad you have nothing to do with it, then." I say and start to eat slowly. We stay quiet until we are finished with our meal and sit down on the couch, I curled up against his side, his long legs pushed out in front of us. It's nice to see him relaxed and I enjoy the emotions it evokes in me.
"Apart from it not being your own choice, what do you think about it?" He asks after a while, his right hand pulling softly at the ends of my hair I let down after our meal. I hum softly at the feeling and think about an honest answer.
"I don't know what to expect. I had hoped to be out and about, be active, guarding the Factionless sector. Now I am afraid of being howled up in a small office without a window, typing away on a computer. I am afraid to do stupid calculations, proofreading speeches...," I sigh for a moment, squinting my eyes and convincing myself I can be open to him "and I am afraid that I have to meet the other Faction' Leaders, have to interact with them." I stay silent then, pressing my face into his shirt and try to absorb as much of his scent and heat to stay calm and not panic at the last thought.
"Your father." He simply says and I nod. We haven't talked about my fear landscape yet and some part of me had hoped that we wouldn't need to. But it was naive to think that. We try to build a relationship and something as important as my past couldn't be just ignored.
"Will you show me your back?" He asks suddenly and I am slightly taken aback. I look up to him and don't find pity in his eyes, just slight curiosity. Eric emanates calmness and reassurance.
"Now?" I ask and he shrugs.
"It's your decision." He says and I smile slightly because he doesn't make a fuss out of it and lets me take steps in my own time. I think for a moment if I am ready for it, but there isn't much to contemplate anyway. He knows where my scars come from, he has seen me stand up to my own abusive father even if it was just in a simulation and he still kisses me without holding back, embraces me with powerful arms and likes me though he knows I am broken to some degree. He treats me like a grown-up and not something that is about to break.
I turn around then, taking the hemline of my tank top in both hands and pull it up to my shoulders. The coldness of my apartment lets me shiver for a moment but it soon vanishes when his hands start to travel my skin, his thumb stroking a few of my scars. I think it's the first time that someone sees my tattoo and with it the marks underneath them apart from Tori and Peter. Tori obviously made it and Peter saw it by accident after I was attacked by Al. It's something special to share it with someone out of my own free will and I am happy that it is Eric.
He continues to touch my back, his rough hands gliding over soft skin and scar tissue alike. I feel him move behind me and my breath hitches when I feel first his breath and then his mouth on my left shoulder blade. I lean forward a bit more and he puts a leg around me, encasing me. His lips leave my skin then, his fingers trailing along the ivy down to my hips, pulling the tank top down as well. He gently pulls me back against him, his arms closing around my waist, my arms aligning with his.
Eric doesn't comment on the things he saw, doesn't say that he is sorry for what happened to me and I am thankful for it. It seems he knows that I don't want him to. It's as if he is instinctively aware that I wouldn't want anyone to feel pity for the abuse I had to go through, to feel sorry for the father I have. It's amazing how in tune he is with the things I feel. Maybe it's because of that he holds me tight to him, letting me feel his strong body beneath me, his calm breath against my back, and his powerful heartbeat against mine.
"Will you stay with me for tonight?" I ask him after a while, my head comfortable against his collarbone, his lips randomly meeting my temple and hair.
"I planned on it." I smile up at him, meeting his mouth with mine when he leans down. It's nice to share these small touches and it surprises me again how content and not in the slightest bit afraid I am of him and his way of showing me his affection and attention. I yawn a bit when we pull apart and he lets me stand up out of our comfortable position on the couch. I take up the touchpad and the note that came with it.
Eric sits up then, pulls me down next to him and starts to show me what I have to do. Instinctively I know which button to press and how to access my schedule for the days to come. It seems my work as an assistant for the next weeks includes completing different stations in other jobs. I have to go to the control room for four weeks where a person named Kent will supervise me. Then I have to observe the guards at the fence for three weeks, getting to know their daily routine. A woman named Lizz is my appointed teacher. After that I am giving a two weeks course in paperwork. I scoff for a moment. Paperwork is such a random word it could involve anything from sorting through folders to calculating the next food order for the Faction. I don't find a person that will teach me. After the paperwork week I will again leave the compound to stay with the guards of the Factionless sector until Christmas rolls around. After that my schedule is empty but it's actually quite freeing to see it.
I am not a person to plan ahead too much and the work Max put up for me is quite overwhelming. I feel a bit disheartened to be away so much, apparently leaving the compound throughout the week to fulfill my instructions. It's strange that I never thought of being away from the compound when I thought about my decision to pick a job. It didn't cross my mind then and maybe the development with Eric, the schedule that is put before me and me coming to terms with it slowly changed my view and lets me see the things I ignored beforehand. Now I feel a bit of sadness inside of me thinking to stay away so often. It means to see Eric less, to see my friends less and I don't like the idea too much.
"It seems I will be out and about for the next weeks then." I say lightly and try to hide my thoughts from Eric. But he sees right through me, pushes my hair away from my neck and kisses it. His slightly raw lips and his warm breath make me shiver in pleasure. I sigh softly, my shoulders relaxing a bit. I wasn't even aware they had tensed up.
"I know I said I want to be a Guard or something but I wasn't aware of the consequences... with everything being the way it is at the moment I don't think I want to leave..." I whisper and I feel Eric nod against my skin, his arm that is around me squeezing my hip in reassurance.
"We will see each other, don't worry." He calmly says and I believe him. I turn around, pulling his face away from my neck and plant my lips on his, letting him know through our kiss how much his words, how much he means to me. I am breathless when we pull apart and I press my forehead against his shoulder.
"Let's get to bed. Your day starts early and you need your rest. The work in the control room gets boring pretty quickly." He says gently, pulling me up with him and I just follow him into the bedroom. I take a change of clothes to the bathroom and emerge ten minutes later. Eric lays shirtless under the covers, waiting for me patiently, his jacket, shirt, pants and socks draped over my chair orderly. I like that he is tidy and it adds up to the list of things I appreciate about him.
I curl into him, enjoy the feelings of his arms around me. His skin is hot against my cheek, my arms going around him to pull myself closer to him our legs intertwining. I let my nails lightly scrape over the skin on his back and enjoy the rumble in his chest, reverberating in mine.
"Tris." He says and I look up, slightly confused about the sound of his voice. His eyes are closed for a moment before he looks down. There is an intensity in his gaze I have never seen before.
"I enjoy this very much. Too much. So I advise you to refrain from it as long as you aren't ready for the consequences." He says, his voice slightly detached from an otherwise sensitive comment and I nod, before burring my face against him again. I am not ashamed of the things I make him feel, don't blush and don't feel uncomfortable. I just add this new knowledge about his preferences to my drawer with the plate Eric on it in my mind. I fall asleep a little later, breathing Eric in, absorbing his heat, calm breath and all around secure feeling.
Thanks for reading - review please.