Skyskater's Daily Note: Szayel has NOT, in fact, replaced Byakuya. Just so you know. He is just a mere...hmm...challenger to Byakuya's supreme reign as Most Disgusting and Freaking Weird Character In This Story.

Except Byakuya's not a pregnancy counselor.

Daily Advice: Never drop your cell phone in the locker room. Your cell phone charm could break.

I cannot believe I'm writing this, because I do not want to be affiliated with any of these people at this point in time. But, sadly, I have to be. Because Rukia, all drugged up on rage pills, went and told the authorities that I am actually here with Renji and Byakuya and all those other people.

Anyway, I'm standing outside Urahara's Shop with everybody else, and pretty much the whole freaking town of Karakura. It just so happens that Urahara took it upon himself to install a mini Empire State Building on the top of his shop so that it would be recognizable from far away. A mini Empire State Building was all it took to give him the title of "Highest Building Owner" in Karakura Town. And then Renji, because he's stupid and just freaking weird, decided to do something that I shall never forgive him for...

Remember that gorilla suit he wore to the dance the other day because the theme was Jungle Frenzy and everything? Yeah. So he decided to climb up on that mini Empire State Building like freaking KING KONG. I...I honestly have nothing to say to that.

But get this: He has Szayel up there with him. Szayel the Pinkette, Szayel the Freak, Szayel the Pregnancy Counselor, Szayel the MAN, yeah, he's up there with Renji. And he did not WANT to go, he wanted to stay on the ground and counsel Ulquiorra on what he should do with morning sickness and what not. But nooo...Renji just dragged him up there with him, because apparently, he confused Szayel for a grown-up version of Yachiru that was not all that endowed up top.

And then to make things even worse, before Renji decided to drag Szayel up there, said Pink Haired Freak decided to juggle rocks to appease Renji, because, well, you know, he was going all bananas (not a pun, people) over something or other. It's pretty hard to remember what, exactly, but I think he was angry because he was deprived of snapping that one dinosaur's jaw, like in the actual movie. I actually did not know that Renji was capable of sitting through a three hour primitive movie without snapping the movie screen because he wanted to get more in touch with his "primitive side." But somehow he did. And...well, you can see where that got him.

Dear God. I would be laughing really, really hard if I hadn't been associated with Renji. But all these reporters are coming up, flashing these camera bulbs at me, and they're all, "So, Hitsugaya! What are your feelings about this? How do you feel about your friend climbing up the Empire State Building? Do you have any idea what your friend's motives are for this unreasonable action?"

Unreasonable is a very good word to use. Unreasonable. Of course, that may be an understatement, seeing as how this is, like, unreasonable to the twenty-seventh degree. I mean, I can understand Byakuya eating dead flesh, because...he's just like that, but Renji climbing up a mini Empire State Building to act out his primitive fantasies...with SZAYEL, no less?! Of course, I suppose that's better than that obese man in Mexico who just married an obese woman...seriously, those two couldn't get intimate if they wanted to. He gets on top of her, and just crushes her already. Not to mention there's not a bed strong enough to hold their weight...

But yeah. Renji's up there on the top of the Empire State Building, refusing to get down, and Szayel has...well, it looks like Szayel has already passed out. I don't blame him.

Matsumoto is laughing her ass off. I have no idea why SHE'S not associated with Renji.
Ikkaku is considering shooting himself.
Yumichika is busy checking his makeup and feathers in that small square compact mirror he always uses, and he's busy getting himself on Human TV.
Urahara is just gaping in complete shock, because I do not think that he had ever intended for that mini Empire State Building to be used in such a manner.
Yoruichi is...well, being Yoruichi and having sex with some random guy on the ground, and telling him that he's her first. That guy must not watch any porn videos.
Byakuya is curled up on the ground in the fetal position and "trying to find a happy place" while his Lieutenant embarrasses himself to no end.
Ulquiorra is just staring up and saying, "Trash." What else does he do?
Grimmjow is pursuing some woman through the crowd, probably trying to get another form of STDs.
Gin is taping this with a video camera - WAIT, WHY IS GIN HERE?! - to put on Youtube.
Rukia is facepalming herself. The baby in her stomach probably is too. Please, God, don't let Renji be the godfather or uncle or any relative whatsoever to that poor child.
Ichigo is shielding Rukia's eyes from the "inappropriate activities going on up there." Seriously. I think Renji might commit an act of necrophilia sometime soon...well, that is, if Szayel is dead at that point. Or rape while he's unconscious. Whatever.
Chad is being Chad and asking Ichigo when they're going to get to America.
Ishida is contemplating sewing a gorilla outfit for his father. Right...because Ryuuken is, of course, the most logical person you'd want to see wearing a gorilla suit...
Orihime is being Orihime and clinging to Ulquiorra very posessively while eating hardboiled eggs with green onions and honey...

And, oh great. Now the Japanese military has just sent out some fighter airplane force, thingies, whatever you call them, and they are currently shooting at Renji and Szayel with those little dart guns or whatever. At this point, I wouldn't blame Szayel for being passed out; he was used as a shield for Renji and now he currently has at least twenty of those little colored darts stuck in his back.

But, oh dear God, Renji has been hit! Once, twice, too many times to count! And he is currently falling off the top of the mini Empire State Building, which is only, like, a twenty foot drop and certainly much less than he's fallen in his lifetime, and it's like in slow motion...or, as Byakuya so eloquently put it, "That Lieutenant of mine is so slow, even when he's falling down it takes him an eternity. I could reenact Sexual Harrassment Panda all over again just waiting for him to fall down."

Then once he hits the cement, everybody's all rushing over there, except Yoruichi and that random dude, who are still fucking, and this one reporter comes up and draws a chalk outline around Renji...for some reason, someone caught Szayel as he was falling and so there was no need for a chalk outline to be done for him, because he never actually made contact with the ground. But anyway, there's a chalk outline on the ground now in front of Urahara's Shop, Renji has been rushed to the hospital, and, well, for some reason that I cannot fathom there's this kid who's standing outside my temporary home drawing features of a gorilla onto the chalk outline...pretty accurate ones, too. God, if Renji ever gets his sanity back, I'm going to use this picture that I've taken of that chalk outline as blackmail....

December 7
Sunday
Laughing my Ass Off - LMAO
Hitsugaya

I can't remember who suggested this, but whoever it was, THANKS! I was cracking up while writing this!

ALSO, NO FLAMES! OR ME AND SHIRO-CHAN WILL MAKE RENJI THE GORILLA TAKE YOU UP TO THE TOP OF A (MINI) EMPIRE STATE BUILDING AND THEN FALL IN SLO MO ALL THE WAY DOWN!!! AND WE SHALL DRAW A CHALK OUTLINE AROUND YOU AND ADD VERY UGLY AND YET REALISTIC FEATURES!!!!

Later!
Skyskater
And Shiro-chan