Trigger warning (I realise I've forgotten for some other chapters) mentions of self harm and attempted suicide.

Snape came and went with my meals. He didn't talk to me throughout the time. After I'd eaten my tea he spoke for the first time.

"Occlumency exercises before bed."

"Yes Sir."

"If you do find yourself incapable of staying asleep do not wake me."

"Yes Sir."

"Goodnight Potter."

"Goodnight-."

The door slammed.

"Dad." I whispered.

I still considered him as my dad, no matter what he thought of me. He'd hit me and that surprised me but he still loved me, I hoped. He'd been acting strangely today, he must have seen something in my head but I didn't know what.

I got myself ready for bed seeing no point in staying awake. I got into bed and attempted to clear my mind.

"Hello, Venus darling."

I was in a dark room with a long table. My father was sat across from me.

"Father?"

"Yes Venus, aren't you happy to see me?"

"W-what? H-how?"

"I know everything about you Venus. Tell your potions master that I would prefer him to treat you decently rather than distancing himself. He has done well in taking care of you, I would hate for him to ruin it now."

"A-are you back?"

"In a way but that's enough questions from you. You are too skinny, you are no use like that. You need to eat more my child. I also expect that you will stand with me and support me. I am disappointed that you have not been flaunting who you are. It is a high honour."

"No it's not! I wish I wasn't your daughter and I will never stand with you!"

"You will."

"No I won't!"

"Calm down Venus, you wouldn't want to get so worked up you have an accident." He said with a mocking smile.

"W-what do you mean?"

"You'll see. I look forward to meeting you again tomorrow night."

I snapped awake my head pounding. Instantly I understood what my father had meant. I'd wet the bed. There was a damp patch around me and there was a huge stench in the room. I burned red with embarrassment, I'd only ever wet the bed once and the thrashing I received from Aunt Petunia was enough to make me not do it again.

I suddenly remembered the actual nightmare. I'd spoken to my father, he was back.

"Dad!" I screamed.

He appeared at the door a few minute later.

"I told you not to wake me and to call me Sir. What is that stench?"

I'd forgotten about me wetting the bed in my panic.

"My father's back. He spoke to me in my head in my nightmare. He said that he wanted you to treat me decently again and stop trying to distance yourself from me."

"Venus I'm so sorry that I treated you like that. I didn't think he'd like how close I was to you."

"You knew that he was back?"

"I could see his presence in your mind when I use legillimency on you." He sighed.

"And you didn't tell me, instead you just hit me?"

"I'm sorry Venus, I really am but I hoped it wouldn't progress. Now I have to ask again, what is that stench?"

"I wet the bed." I mumbled.

He looked at me shocked, "What did you say?"

"I wet the bed." I mumbled again.

I was burning crimson with humiliation.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It just happened. I'm sorry Dad. Please don't beat me."

"Venus I will never hit you again. This is not your fault in the slightest so please don't blame yourself."

"Of course it's my fault, who else's fault could it be?"

"Venus, it's okay, it's very normal."

I could tell he was lying.

"Don't lie Dad. You know as well as me this is everything but normal. I'm thirteen not three. I'm just a disgusting brat."

"No Venus, you're not. Come on, let's get you cleaned up and then we can talk some more. Go take a shower, there's a clean night robe in the bathroom for you. I'll sort out the bed for you."

"Can you turn around Dad? I don't want you to see."

He sighed and turned so he was facing the wall.

"There you go, I'm not looking at you."

"Thanks." I mumbled.

I pushed back the covers. My night robe was drowned in urine as was the sheet. I swung my legs to the side of the bed and stood up causing some liquid to run down my legs. This was mortifying, how had I managed to wet the bed? I shuffled awkwardly to the bathroom, attempting to ensure that nothing dripped onto the floor. I shut the door hurriedly behind me and took of my soaked nightrobe. I showered quickly and put on the clean pyjamas before going back into my dorm.

Snape was sat on the edge of the bed and the sheets were clean. He opened his arms to me and I climbed onto his knee.

"I'm sorry Dad, I'm really sorry."

"Stop apologising Venus. I want to know about your dream."

I shook my head and sobbed into him. He rubbed my back and held me close to him.

"Would it be easier for you to show me."

"You won't get mad again?"

"No Venus, I promise I won't change anything between us based on what I see."

"Okay then, I'll show you."

"Just focus on it and it'll be over soon."

He pushed me back lightly and looked into my eyes. I focussed on the dream and felt Snape slip into my mind to look at the memory. It replayed in my head and by the end I was sobbing again. Snape pulled me back into his chest and rocked me slowly.

"You're okay now."

"Just until tomorrow night. I can't live like this anymore Dad."

"We will work harder on your Occlumency. You will be able to block him out."

"He's back Dad and he wants me, what do I do?"

"I can't tell you Venus."

"But-."

"Bear in mind what my role is and that your father can see into your mind."

Of course, he couldn't openly tell me to be good with my father being in my mind. I didn't have anything to remind me to be good anymore and I was starting to eat a little more. How could I be sure I wouldn't turn bad? Maybe I should start hurting myself again.

"No!" Snapped Snape.

I stared at him blankly.

"You will not hurt yourself."

"Did you use legilimency on me?" I asked pulling away to sit next to him on my bed.

"No Venus. When you first started telling me of you purposely inflicting harm upon yourself I set a monitoring charm on you to alert me if you had harmful or suicidal thoughts."

"That's an invasion of my privacy."

"That's how I keep you out of harm."

"You didn't trust me to tell you myself?"

"Honestly Venus no because you wouldn't have done. You think you have to face everything alone but you don't."

"I'm tired Dad, can we talk tomorrow?"

"Venus this is what I mean. You've let me in a lot more than I thought you would but you still push me away when you're dealing with something."

"Please Dad, I just want to be alone."

"I don't think that's the best idea."

I just wanted him to leave so I could relieve some of this tension with a cut but he wouldn't.

"I'm alerted when you have harmful thoughts." He reminded me.

I groaned. He reached out to stroke my hair but I slapped his hand away.

"Enough of that young lady. I am trying to help you."

"Well I don't want your help."

"Okay I'll go, I just have a few things to say first. The issue earlier one was caused by your father not you. He was trying to humiliate you into joining his side by showing you what he can do if you go against him. I love and care about you very much Venus and I just want you to be happy. You don't need any form of pain for anything however as you are still showing signs of wanting the pain I am removing all sharp objects from your room and everything will be cushioned."

"Please Dad just let me hurt myself, it'll be easier."

"No, please try to get some sleep."

"I won't be able to." I muttered.

"Did you really think that I'd let you hurt yourself Venus?"

I shrugged.

"Get into bed and I'll help calm you to sleep."

"I don't w-."

"That wasn't a suggestion Venus."

"Fine." I relented.

I climbed into bed and he tucked me in.

"Clear your mind and relax." He soothed.

He combed my hair with his fingers as I fell to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, he was still sat at the edge of my bed.

"Morning Venus."

"Morning Dad. You didn't have to stay all last night."

"Yes I did, I couldn't trust what would happen if you woke again in the night."

"So I'm under constant surveillance now?"

"I'm just worried Venus."

"I didn't realise." I said dryly.

"Anyway after breakfast, we're going to see Professor Dumbledore."

"Why?" Surely this couldn't be about me wanting to self-harm.

"About your dream."

"Oh. Yeah."

He grimaced, "And then I'm taking you to see a psychologist."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No, I can't. Don't make me please. I can't talk to one of them."

"Venus, this is best for you. We need to sort out these issues."

"I won't go."

"You will."

"No! You can't make me!"

I was screaming at him by now, acting like a brat but I couldn't see a psychologist. I hated them, how could you just tell some random person your problems? It's bad enough for a normal person but it's even worse for someone like me who can't trust anyone.

"Venus," He still spoke calmly, "My decision on this matter is not going to change no matter how much of a tantrum you throw however if you insist upon acting like a child I will treat you as such."

"You don't understand!"

"Exactly and you need to talk someone who can understand."

"I'm not going." I huffed.

"I want you to go stand in the corner until you accept that you are going."

"What?"

Why was he making me stand in the corner? I didn't understand, he'd never done that before.

"You are acting like a small child so I am treating you like one, in the corner please. I want you looking at that wall for five minutes."

I glowered at him.

"If you don't get up yourself I'll put you in the corner and then you'll have to stay for longer."

"Fine."

I got up and stood in the corner with my arms crossed. I could feel Snape watching me and I hated it. I couldn't see a threat or anything, it made me panic.

"I can't do this!" I burst out.

"And why not?"

I turned to face him, "I can't see what's happening. I don't know if anyone is coming in, if there's a threat. I can't handle it."

"That is exactly why we need to see a psychologist. This isn't normal Venus, you have an irrational fear. Will you finally accept coming to a psychologist?"

I didn't want to but was he right? Would it help? I didn't want to tell anyone about my problems. I couldn't trust who they could tell or what they would do with it. The only person I trusted was sat in front of me.

Tears burst from my eyes, "I-I c-can't."

"Why not Venus?"

"I d-don't trust them. I can't just talk to some random person about my issues. Have you any idea how long it took me to be comfortable to talk about this with you? I still don't like it, I still try to get out of it even though I do trust you. How can I trust somebody who I don't even know? You know I can't trust, I told you but you don't even care!"

"Venus I care very much but can't you see-?"

"See what? That I'm damaged?

"N-."

"I already know that, I am damaged and I always will be. Nothing this stupid psychologist is going to say will change that."

I stormed out of my dorm. I was still dressed in my pyjamas but I didn't care. I wasn't going to some psychologist and I wished Snape would stop trying to make me. I ran into the forest, maybe it would be better to just end it now before I had to stand with my father, before I hurt anyone. I found myself at the edge of a drop. It wouldn't take much, I just had to jump and everything would be other.

My father would be disappointed for sure and that filled me with more motive. I stepped closer to the ledge but what would Snape think? I paused. Would he blame himself and could I do that to him?

Stop being selfless for just one minute and think of what you want, I told myself. All I wanted was to end all the pain and suffering it just felt easier.

"Venus is tha' yer?"

"Shit!" I cursed under my breath.

Hagrid had found me so no doubt Snape would be here soon.

"Professor Snape 'as been looking ev'rywhere for yer?"

I stayed staring off the ledge. It was just another step but I couldn't, not with Hagrid there.

"Merlin Venus, yer weren't thinking of jumping were yer?"

I felt his steady hands pick me up. I kicked and thrashed against him.

"No! Let me go!" I screamed.

"Merlin yer were, were'n yer?"

"Just let me go!" I screamed again.

"Sorry Venus, Professor Snape said he wanted yer to him as soon as we foun' yer."

I continued to thrash against him but I didn't argue anymore. Finally we were back the castle.

"Venus!" Called Snape.

"Tell this oaf to let me go!" I snarled.

"Venus I know what you almost did." He said darkly.

Of course, how could I forget that he'd set a charm to monitor my thoughts if they turned harmful or suicidal.

"Thank you Hagrid, I'll take her from here."

I thrashed as Snape took me off Hagrid and held me in his own arms.

"Get off! Get off! Get off!" I screamed.

He was less strong than Hagrid and eventually he dropped me. I got to my feet ready to run away again but he caught me with a body bind. I fell to the floor and looked to Snape in anger.

He picked me back up, now powerless to do anything against him. He took me down to his office and took off the bind curse. He locked the door and ensured there was no way I could escape or do any harm to myself.

I sat slumped in my chair, keeping my eyes to the floor.

"Venus, will you look at me?"

I shook my head. I was embarrassed that he'd found out and upset over the whole incident.

"Would you have actually jumped?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"Please Venus talk to me."

I shook my head.

"I'm sorry Venus."

My head snapped up at that, why was he apologising?

"I'm sorry that I can't be what you deserve and that I can't stop everything that happens to you. I'm sorry I can't protect you and that you felt that was what you had to do."

"It's not your fault." I said quickly, "I hesitated because of you. If I hadn't then I'd have already done it when Hagrid got there."

"Why did you want to do that Venus?"

He was crying and I felt bad at what I was putting him through. I deserved to be dead where I could stop hurting people.

"Stop thinking like that Venus." He begged.

I could tell his heart was breaking.

"Why? I'm better off dead and you know it."

"Stop it right now." He snarled.

"I'm sick of doing everything for someone else, for once I just want to do what I want. I just want to die."

"Venus think of the things you enjoy. Think of potions, think of spellwork which you're so much better at now, think of how much you love to read. Think of how much you like spending time with your brother and your friends on adventures that I would much rather you didn't go on."

I was sobbing and so was he. I climbed onto his knee and sobbed into him. He hugged me close to him and rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry Dad."

"Sh sh stop apologising Venus, it's okay. Please promise me you won't do that again."

"I can't promise Dad, I'm sorry but I can't."

"Will you always try to talk to me first?"

"Okay I'll try."

"That's all I ask. You really scared me there Venus. I thought I might lose you."

"You were the only reason I hesitated."

"I'm not going to force you to but I would still like you to speak to somebody about this especially after this."

"I can't, it's too difficult."

"Will you talk to Madam Pomfrey, she might be better for you to trust and she is better qualified to help you than me?"

I considered it for a moment.

"Only if you come with me." I said finally.

"Of course darling and I'll buy you chocolate."

I smirked, "You know more about this than you credit yourself with."

"I learnt from Remus that chocolate helps everything." He admitted.

"He's right!"

"Anyway let's get ready. We have a few people to talk to today and then if you still want to we can go get your name changed as a reward for being brave."

"I'm not brave Dad. What did I just try to do? Take the cowards way out. I just tried to end everything so I didn't have to deal with it. That's not bravery, that's cowardice."

"But you've agreeed to talk to Madam Pomfrey. I know hard that's going to be for you Venus and it's very brave of you to do it."

"Dad I'm probably going to freeze up and not be able to talk properly."

"Then I'll help you Venus. It's a big step for you to agree to get help."

He looked at me with concern.

"You do want your name to change still, don't you?"

"Yes I want that very much."

"Then what's bothering you?"

"Apart from the fact I just tried to commit suicide?" I looked at him as he glared at me, "Fine, not funny. It's just I don't understand what I'm feeling most of the time and I don't know how I'm going to explain how I feel when I don't even know myself."

"It'll be okay Venus. I'll help you."

"I love you Dad."

"I love you so much Venus and I never want you to doubt that. I will love you forever and I couldn't move on if you were to go. You'd ruin me Venus."

"I'm sorry I worried you Dad."

"You don't know how important you are to me Venus. I can't lose you too."

"What do you mean Dad, who else have you lost?"

"That's a story for another day Venus."

"No it's a story for right now because I have just talked to you about my biggest insecurities so now it's your turn."

He sighed, "I had a daughter. Lily and I, it was an accident but we were young and still in Hogwarts. Lily couldn't keep it because she wanted to be with James and it would complicate things and I didn't think I was capable to look after a child so we gave it up. I have no idea where she is or if she's even alive. She'd be almost 17 now but I don't even know what she looks like."

"What made me different? You gave up your real daughter but were happy enough to adopt me!"

"I knew I'd made a mistake giving up Alexandra and I couldn't make the same mistake again."

"Why did you never tell me?"

"Merlin Venus, how could I?"

"Did you ever really want me or was I just a substitute for her? Were you just trying to make up for the fact that you left her? She could have grown up like me because of you and you didn't even help her!" I screamed.

"Venus please calm down."

My magic shuddered through the room and the potion vials in his office started shattering.

"You are responsible for another child who ended up in the care system. Maybe she got lucky and ended up with a nice family but we both know how hard those are to come by."

"Venus I-."

"All this time you should have been out searching for her not just replacing her with the first person who showed you any affection. I was never a daughter to you, I was just someone to make up everything you lost. You told me I was the daughter you wished you could have had with Lily but you did have a daughter and you got rid of her, I was just a replacement! You make me sick and I don't know how I ever trusted you! I guess I was right to keep my walls up and not let anyone in, how could anybody truly want me for me."

"Venus I know I was wrong and that I made some bad choices but don't make one yourself. Walk out and never come back if you must but please don't do anything rash. Don't go back to the forest."

"Why not? The one thing that made me hesitate was you but now you don't even care, you've lied to me for the last two years. You made me think that you loved me and I loved you. I can't believe I was so stupid."

"Please Venus just go to the Weasley's and see your friends. I can't lose you."

"Well I guess you already did!"

I stormed from his office and went up to my dorm. I pulled on robes and packed my trunk. I found the lily and the pin was sticking out from it like it had just been removed. I dragged it slowly across my right arm a few times before I threw it at the wall. It smashed so hundreds of white shards littered the floor.

My arm was bleeding and it felt good. I needed the release to calm me. I wasn't going to die just yet, not here anyway. I couldn't just do that. I owed it to my friends at least and I had no way to write them a note or anything. There was no chance I was staying here with that man. I made my way to Dumbledore's office.

"Come in Venus." He called.

I went in and he looked me up and down.

"Is there a problem?"

"I'm leaving until next term at least, I can't stay with him anymore."

"Venus, what's happened?"

"He had a daughter but he gave her up!" I snarled.

"You found out about Alexandra?"

I nodded.

"Professor Snape has made many bad decisions but they shouldn't define his future with you."

"I'm sorry Headmaster but I can't forgive him. He wanted me to make up for his debt to his reality daughter and I just can't - not yet."

"I understand Venus. What are your plans?"

"I was wondering if you could write to the Weasley's for me. I can't write and I know they're looking after Harry."

"Let us not bother with that, it'll take a long time and after what I heard about this morning I don't feel comfortable leaving you without someone to keep an eye on you for that long."

"Oh you heard about that?"

"Hagrid isn't the best at keeping secrets I'm afraid."

I looked at the floor. This was just great, now everyone was going to see me as a depressed child who needed help.

"Do you want to talk about anything Venus?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"I am going to have to make Mrs Weasley aware of it. It doesn't seem fair for her to take you and not realise the threat you are to yourself."

"I understand."

"I also ask that you try to refrain from the self harm while you are there."

"How do y-? What?"

"The blood is leaking from your sleeve Venus." He said gently.

I looked at my arm, I hadn't realised how deep I had cut.

"Give me your arm please Venus."

I obliged and he pulled back my sleeve carefully. I looked away. I felt the pain stop and I looked back at my arm. The blood was gone and he'd healed it without even a scar.

"I do not wish for you to do this at all but if you must please be careful and not while you're at the Weasley's, you'll worry Mrs Weasley and I doubt you want her fussing over you anymore."

"Not if I keep it hidden." I muttered.

"I'm setting a monitoring charm on you. It isn't as invasive as Professor Snape's but it will alert Mrs Weasley if you actually hurt yourself or if your thoughts are suicidal."

"Is it necessary?"

"Yes Venus, very necessary. I don't want you causing yourself serious harm when there's no healer. It will be less invasive when you're back at school however you will go and see Madam Pomfrey every week where she will check for marks and you will have a mentoring session with her. There will still be the charm but only for if your thoughts turn suicidal and it will alert me until you and Professor Snape solve your issues. Is this clear?"

"Yes Sir." I answered knowing there was no point arguing.

"I also want you to know that my office is always open if you need to discuss anything at all."

"Thank you Sir."

"Is there anything else that you think needs addressing?"

"Voldermort's back!" I said suddenly, "He was in my head last night and he talked to me and he made me..." I trailed off.

"Yes I believe that is the reason for your nightmares. He talked to you last night?"

"Yes he said how he wanted me to join him and then when I refused he made it so I wet the bed." I mumbled turning red.

"Ah I see. He is getting inside your head while you sleep and either showing you memories of yours or his and now he's progressed onto making new dreams in a way and controlling what your body does as you sleep."

"What do I do?"

"You need to carry on working on your Occlumency shields. I believe that I may be able to source a potion to stop the other part of the incident. If you still find that you're getting the nightmares I would like you to make a note of it and I will be visiting you every day to check up and do some Occlumency training with you. In this time I will also look at the dream you had the night before."

"Yes Sir but what will you tell Mrs Weasley?"

"I will tell her that the dark mark at the cup is starting to bring back memories of when you were a child and this is causing nightmares. I will tell her that I am checking up on these and teaching you to block them out, okay?"

"Yes Sir."

"Now I believe you haven't eaten, had your potion or had your hands rebandaged today yet."

"No Sir, not yet."

"How do you usually eat?"

"I don't want to eat."

"Why not?"

"Father told me I should eat more."

"Venus your father doesn't get an affect from you. I will protect you so he doesn't get you and then there's no reason not to eat, okay?"

"Fine."

"But how does Professor Snape to feed you?"

"He charms the knife and fork and he gets a house elf to bring it for me."

"Which one?"

"Probby."

He called the house elf and told him to bring what he usually would for my breakfast. He sent a Patronus for Madam Pomfrey to come tend to my hands and to source the potions I needed. As I finished up with my breakfast Madam Pomfrey appeared.

"Good morning Miss Potter, Professor Dumbledore."

"Good morning Poppy."

"Good morning Ma'am."

"Here is the potion you requested Headmaster although I can't see why you'd need it."

He put the potions she handed him into my trunk. She then bent down to rebandage my hands and gave me my potion. I gagged because I was used to Snape's special ones and this one was disgusting.

"Are you ready to go Venus?" Asked Dumbledore.

"Yes Sir."

"We will floo to their house."

He tipped some of the powder into my hand but stepped into the grate first.

"The burrow!" He was gone in a flash of flames.

"The burrow!"