"Aubrey Posen"
"Hey Bree" Chloe said through the phone.
"Chloe! How's Monte Carlo? Aubrey asked.
"What I've seen of it so far is beautiful. We've only been here for about an hour." Chloe replied.
"What's wrong Chlo?" Aubrey asked hearing something other than happiness in her best friend's voice. "Chloe?" Aubrey asked after not getting an immediate response.
"Yeah Bree. I'm here" Chloe whispered.
"What's wrong honey?" Aubrey asked softly. "Where is Beca?"
"She's taking a shower" Chloe replied before taking a deep breath. "I'm okay" she tried to convince herself and Aubrey too.
"Chlo"
"I learned some things. About Beca." Chloe replied.
"Like what?" Aubrey asked.
"Like what exactly everyone meant when they said she did some things when we were apart."
"Yeah" Aubrey replied quietly. "I don't know the extent of all of that because we were in Georgia and Jesse wasn't too forth coming with information about Beca, but I do know there were a lot of them."
"A lot of them?" Chloe asked slightly confused.
"Girls. A guy here and there I think, but mostly girls" Aubrey answered.
Chloe closed her eyes tightly, no one besides Quinn and now her knew about the drugs and alcohol. "Yeah" Chloe replied. She couldn't tell Aubrey Beca's secret. She wouldn't betray her like that. "I guess I heard you all saying she did things but I didn't really know the extent of it"
"And now that you know?" Aubrey asked, "Does it change how you feel about her?"
"No. Of course not Bree."
"Then what?" Aubrey asked hoping to help Chloe through this.
"I just feel responsible."
Aubrey could hear the guilt in her friend's voice. "And what did Beca say?"
"That it's not my fault" Chloe whispered.
Aubrey was relieved. "She's right Chlo. It's not your fault. She is an adult and made all of those decision's herself. It had nothing to do with you."
"It had everything to do with me" Chloe replied quickly. "I broke up with her and told her I didn't want to be with anyone else. Then what do I do? I go and get married. Of course it has to do with me. I broke her heart Aubrey." Chloe said fighting her tears. "After all those years in college and after wanting to be with her, I finally get my wish and what do I do? I choose work. I took for granted that she would just always be there and our relationship just disappeared. I had her and I lost her and worse than that, I broke. Her."
Chloe" Aubrey said softly hearing her friend sobbing. "Chloe, listen to me." Aubrey pleaded softly. "Yes, things didn't go perfectly but when do they ever Chlo? Take if from someone with some serious control issues, you can't always predict how things will work out. I know that you wished that none of this ever happened, but it did babe. And don't forget, the girl you are crying about hurting so badly is just in the other room, you have been together for over a year, happily, you're parents, and as far as I can tell, she is completely in love with you. I honestly don't think there was ever a time she wasn't. So yeah, things didn't go perfectly but where you have ended up isn't half bad Chloe. In fact, it's pretty great, right?"
"Yeah" Chloe sniffed.
"Talk to Beca, honey." Aubrey advised. "She's crazy about you and I know she would be upset if she knew you were crying to me on the phone."
"Okay" Chloe whispered feeling a little better but she wondered what Aubrey would say had she known the whole truth.
"Babe?" Beca's voice called out from behind the bathroom door.
Chloe cleared her throat and pulled the phone away from her head. "Yeah?" she called back.
"Do you feel like going out to the beach or staying in for the day?" Beca asked loudly.
Chloe thought for a second. "Let's go out" she called back knowing that if she kept busy maybe it would take her mind off of her guilt and she could avoid talking to Beca about it for a little longer.
"I better go" Chloe said putting the phone back to her ear.
"Okay. Have a good time Chloe. Really. Enjoy yourself." Aubrey suggested.
"Thanks Bree."
"Hey, how is Finley?" Aubrey asked quickly.
"Good. I need to call the Sutton's to check in today, but yesterday Louise said she was doing just fine. I miss her though." Chloe replied not meaning to say the last part out loud.
"Well, enjoy it while you can" Aubrey teased. "Plus I need an answer on those projects when you get back and I have a couple more options to send over to you." Aubrey rattled off.
"Okay Bree" Chloe said rolling her eyes at how quickly Aubrey switched into work mode.
"It will be okay Chloe" Aubrey said softly.
"I hope so" Chloe whispered.
"Love you Chlo"
"Love you too Bree."
"Ready to go babe?" Beca asked emerging from the bathroom.
XxXxXx
"What's wrong?" Beca asked squeezing Chloe's hand gently in hers as they walked along the beach.
"Nothing" Chloe lied with a smile.
"Chloe" Beca said softly. "I know you better than that." She pulled them to a stop.
Chloe's eyes drifted over the blue water, blinking back tears, avoiding Beca's eyes. She struggled to swallow and clear her throat to speak.
"Chlo" Beca whispered pulling her into a tight hug giving Chloe permission to cry.
Chloe wrapped her arms tightly around Beca and buried her head in the crook of her neck.
"It's okay" Beca tried to sooth the redhead. "Whatever it is baby, it will be okay." Beca couldn't believe it was possible for Chloe to squeeze her tighter but she did as if she were holding on for dear life. Minutes passed as Chloe's tears began to stop and her breathing leveled out. "Tell me Chloe" Beca begged.
"It's just everything" Chloe whispered her voice raspy from the cry.
"What do you mean? Everything?" Beca asked.
"Everything Beca. All of it. Emma. Quinn" Chloe replied softly. "You" she added.
"Chloe" Beca said knowing that 'everything' meant on top of losing their best friends, deciding to take care of their child, pull back from work and buying a new house that now she knew about the drugs. The things Chloe had learned in the last couple of days is what pushed her over the edge. "I'm sorry." Beca pulled back to look Chloe in the eye. She wiped Chloe's tear stained cheeks with the pads of her thumbs. "Maybe it was selfish of me to tell you all of that but I needed you to know so that we could move forward. No more secrets. Now you know everything." Beca kissed Chloe's forehead.
Chloe nodded slowly unable to find her voice.
"I mean it Chloe. None of that is your fault. I did all of it. It's on me. Not you."
XxXxXx
4 Years Ago (November 2016)
Just knock. Or ring the bell. Beca battled her thoughts as she stood on Quinn's doorstep. She hadn't seen or spoken to her best friend since she left the lobby of the Austin hotel 2 weeks ago. It had been a long 2 weeks of partying way to hard and waking up one day in a pool of her own vomit in a hotel room surrounded by strangers who could care less about her. That's what finally brought her the reality check she desperately needed. Standing up from the carpet of the dirty hotel room, Beca walked out of the room, down the hall, through the lobby and onto the street. She was alone.
The door opened quickly jolting Beca out of her daydream. "How long are you going to stand there Becs?" Emma asked.
"Em" Beca whispered. How could she apologize to Emma for what she did to Quinn? The thoughts of the drug use and Quinn's father rushed through her mind. She hates me, Beca thought.
"What's wrong with you Beca?" Emma said quickly. "Are you okay?"
"Huh?" Beca asked.
"Are you okay? Why are just standing there?" Emma asked.
"I" Beca muttered as tears filled her dark blue eyes.
"Becs" Emma said pulling the smaller girl in for a hug. "What's wrong?" Emma's voice was soft.
Beca couldn't answer, she had no idea what was happening. Emma was comforting her? Concerned about her? After what she did?
"Come on. Quinn's out back on the beach." Emma pulled her in the house and led her to the back.
"Honey" Emma called walking through the sliding glass back door. "Beca is here"
Beca saw Quinn standing on the beach facing the water. Quinn turned her head slightly at the sound of her wife calling for her but didn't turn around fully after hearing Beca had finally shown up.
"I'm glad you're here. She say's everything's fine but I know seeing her dad in Austin really upset her. So far she's not talking to me about it, maybe she'll tell you." Emma said whispering to Beca. "I'll leave you two" She said before disappearing back into the house.
XxXxXx
PRESENT DAY
"Sit" Beca instructed after she pulled Chloe back through the door of their hotel suite.
Chloe followed the order and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge, folding her hands in her lap.
Beca pulled her lap top out of her bag and sat close to Chloe on the bed. "Quinn and I wrote this song after the whole Austin thing. I never, ever, intended to play this for anyone. Especially you" Beca said honestly. "But its how I was feeling at the time and its how Quinn was feeling at the time. It really helped me get my feelings out of me so that they didn't just keep dragging me down."
Chloe looked at the device and then met Beca's gaze.
"It's pretty sad Chlo and you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to. I honestly" Beca threaded her hand through her thick brown hair, "don't know if it will make this better or worse but just know that it was honest. 100% the way we both felt during that time. It helped both of us move forward, after what I did and after she left me there."
Chloe nodded taking in all of Beca's words. She thought for a minute before deciding, "I want to hear it."
Beca cued up the song and pressed the space bar.
(Beca)
'Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to, but I can't put
Nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you'
(Quinn)
'You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
I miss you when I can't sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From night we don't remember
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Fucked around and got attached to you
Friends can break your heart too, and
I'm always tired but never of you'
(Beca)
'If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit
I put this real out, but you wouldn't bite that shit
I type a text but then I nevermind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
Oh oh, keep it on the low
You're still in love with me but your friends don't know
If you wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go'
I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to, but I can't put
Nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you'
(Quinn)
'You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
(Beca)
'I don't mean no harm
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
You said you wouldn't and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fuck fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucked mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing
But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night, I sing this song'
I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to, but I can't put
Nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you'
(Quinn)
'You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
All alone I watch you watch her
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen
You don't care you never did
You don't give a damn about me
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her
She's the only thing you ever see
How is it you've never noticed
That you are slowly killing me'
(Beca)
I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to, but I can't put
Nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you'
(Quinn)
'You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
XxXxXx
PRESENT DAY
"It's about me" Chloe said softly confirming to herself. She sat letting the lyrics sink.
"It's about you. It's about me. It's about me and her. It's about you and her. She missed you too after we broke up."
Chloe silently nodded.
"She forgave me that night. She never told Emma and I know Emma never heard this.
"What happened after that?" Chloe asked.
Beca blew out an exaggerated breath and opened her eyes as wide as she could. "Everything changed." She smirked at the memory. "Stacie called a few days later and said that Ben wanted us to perform a song we produced for his album. He was one of our very first artists when we just started producing."
"Ben?" Chloe asked.
"Yeah, Ben Haggerty. Macklemore." Beca answered. "He was up for a shit ton of Grammy's that year and wanted to really make a statement at the show."
"I know" Chloe replied realizing what performance Beca was talking about. "I was actually there that night."
"You were?" Beca asked.
"Yes"
XxXxXx
3 Years Ago (January 2017)
"We agreed to this Chloe" Theo said as he adjusted his tuxedo jacket in the back of the limo.
"I know. I know we did" Chloe whispered looking out the window.
"But?" He asked.
"But I don't understand why we have to attend this."
"Movie promotion Chloe."
"These are the Grammy's. Not the Academy Awards or the Golden Globes or anything that has to do with movies." Chloe said restlessly.
"Chloe" he sighed, "our target audience watches this show. We'll do the press on the carpet, talk about the film, watch the show, get our photo taken and then we can go back to being separated, and in a couple of months once the movie is out, we can officially announce our divorce."
Chloe didn't reply, she just nodded. She didn't know the chances of running into Beca that night because Stacie never really confirmed if Beca would be attending or not but she definitely knew she didn't want the first time she saw the brunette since she married Theo James to be at the Grammy Awards as they pretended to be happily married for the sake of keeping up good publicity.
The limo pulled up to the Staple center. The door was opened to a long red carpet. Theo slid out first and extended his hand inside to help Chloe out. Once out of the car, she adjusted her black strapless Issa dress. "Chlo" she heard her name being called. She turned to see Stacie waiving at her.
"Wow. You look amazing" Chloe said as Stacie approached wearing an orange Lorena Sarbu gown.
"So do you" Stacie said leaning down to hug her friend. "Big night" she said pulling out of the hug.
"Yeah" Chloe said putting a smile on her face. One more step towards announcing to the world that she was divorced and putting the last year behind her.
"Everything is going to change after tonight" Stacie said with a huge smile.
"You think?" Chloe asked as Theo stood patiently by.
"Yeah, your movie is going to get so much promotion tonight and Vision is going to" Stacie rambled.
"Wait, what?" Chloe interrupted.
"What?" Stacie asked realizing she hadn't told Chloe that Vision would be performing the song Same Love with Macklemore that they had produced last year and that they would be on stage with Madonna, Mary Lambert and Queen Latifah.
"Beca is here?" Chloe asked quietly feeling nauseous.
"Yes" Stacie admitted seeing the panic on Chloe's face. "But don't worry. She already walked the carpet. She's inside. She doesn't know you're here and she won't, unless you want her to."
"No." Chloe replied softly. "Not like this" she said tilting her head toward Theo.
XxXxXx
PRESENT DAY
"You guys were so good." Chloe smiled at the memory. "I cried through like the whole thing, seeing you up there mixing the songs and Quinn playing the piano. I missed you so much and wanted to talk to you but I couldn't. As far as the world knew I was still married to Theo. A couple of months later my divorce was finally announced and I wanted to call you but all I heard from Stacie was how crazy busy you and Quinn were. And then my movie took off and I got offers for all sorts of projects and time just got away. Before I knew it, I was backstage in New York at Mysteryland."
"See" Beca said reaching for Chloe's hand. "Everything worked out. We both went through some crazy shit but look at where we are and what our life is now" Beca pulled Chloe towards her. "We're happy. We're together. We're parents. We're a family" she smiled.
Chloe returned the smile, her first real smile in two day. "We are."
AN: Song Cred: I hate u, I love u by Gnash (feat. Olivia O'Brien) - one of my current favorite songs. And, the Grammy performance Macklemore of Same Love.
Leave me some comments ... Let me know how you are feeling about this story and how it's developed and what you would like to see happen next. Also, I take some song requests and see if I can bend them into the story. Thanks for reading ... you guys are the greatest!