I cannot say how long I fell through that abyss. It was dark and empty and all the while I was pleading for this not to be death. Where were the castles in the clouds and the Gods to welcome me home? Everything they had told us was wrong. Death was not the releasing of your soul, it was a cold, black well of nothing. No light, no noise, just the torturous awareness of the void around you. I had to wake up, if this was death then I did not want it. I had to be asleep, I had to wake up, wake up
Wake up!
"Shh lethalin, you are safe, you are here."
"Solas..." I croaked into the darkness and I heard him give a small laugh that almost sounded relieved.
"I'm here, Nevalla. Rest" He said, his voice a warm disturbance in the dark.
"I- I'm frightened... Solas I can't wake up!" I began to panic, if I had been aware of my body I might have been crying.
His comforting tones hushed my grievances, "You have nothing to fear, Nevalla, you are safe."
"Where am I?"
"Asleep. You have been for days, we have had trouble waking you. You have a heavy fever, lethalin... You were gravely injured."
"The Herald... The wolves!" I cried.
"Shh, try to remain calm Nevalla. We found the Herald, she is safe and alive. You may have saved her life."
"May have!?" I shouted into the dark.
I heard him chuckle again, "Of course, forgive me. You most certainly saved her life. Varric has been spinning endless tales of your heroics. However, there have been some queries from Cullen and Cassandra on just how you faced down the pack of wolves. There was a lot of blood, lethalin. They suspect blood magic."
I fumbled for words. There was really no denying, not to Solas. He could probably tell a mile off that it was blood magic. Come to think of it Cassandra and Cullen probably could to, what with their Templar/Seeker senses tingling.
"I- Solas I had no other choice, it was either that or the herald. Fen'harel's hairy arse they'll think I'm an abomination for sure."
He was silent for a while and again my panic grew.
"Don't leave me here alone, Solas." I pleaded into the void.
"I'm here." He said quietly but again it was followed by a heavy silence. But somehow, it was enough to know he was there.
"Nevalla..." He began, his voice tentative, apprehensive.
"Yes?"
"The magic you used... I have not seen its like since... Do the Dalish truly teach such practises." He had that tone again that told my gut he was hiding something. I ignored it, like I always did.
"Are you appalled by it?" I whispered.
"On the contrary," He began, and the abyss seemed that little bit brighter. "Blood magic is simply another source of power. It should not be a thing to be feared."
I shuddered and shut my eyes against the all too vivid memory of the silver elf. She flashed in my mind once more, her smirk, her eyes and then nothing.
"Nevalla..." Solas whispered, an edge in his voice I had never heard. But before I could answer him everything fell away, his voice, the darkness, even my awareness all filtered out into nothing. Was this death?
The first thing that came back to me was the rattling and rolling of cart wheels. The wooden axle creaking and jolting over uneven ground and the nearby hum of conversation. I was jolted harshly to the left and that is what truly brought me back to consciousness. I opened my eyes wide but instantly shut them as blinding light flooded in. I groaned and raised an arm to cover them.
"Maker's arse in the air, you're awake! She's awake!" called a very familiar voice. I smiled at Dorian's unusual over-zealousness, but the left side of my face smarted as I did. My hand came up to feel the soft bandages surrounding that side of my face and it was then that I remembered the extent of my injuries. Flashes of the wolves barking and biting forced me awake and I jumped up with a start.
"Wow there Nev! Easy, easy. Hell of a fight you got in back there." Bull was speaking now and I was able to open my eye enough to see around me.
I was, indeed, in a cart. It was lined with soft furs and blankets and was very comfortable. A large horse pulled it along through the snowy mountains of the Frostbacks. Ahead of that was what looked to be the remaining population of the Inquisition, trickling its way in a continuous march towards the horizon. There was something brilliantly hopeful about the sight and I smiled despite the smarting in my face. I looked down again and realised my right leg was in a splint. Two spots of blood seeped through the bandages. My left arm was also in a sling but not in a splint. I looked around and there, walking alongside my cart was Bull, smiling down proudly.
"What... What happened?" I croaked, my voice dry from lack of use. A bustle came from behind then followed by indignant yelps and curses.
"I said excuse me! Maker, you Southerners couldn't be mannerly if your life depended on it! Here, dear Nev." It was Dorian and I found myself laughing as he reached into the cart to hand me a small cup of cold water. I swallowed it down eagerly.
"Well, how do you feel?" Bull asked.
"Oh, right as rain! Nothing a nap and cup of tea won't fix." I said with an all too sweet smile and flourish towards my broken leg.
Bull chuckled, "You still have your wit, I'll give you that."
"Really Nevalla, how do you feel. It can't have been easy well... surviving all that." Dorian said as he gently nudged Bull out of the way. The huge Qunari looked down at the mage then with a look that almost spoke of fondness.
How I felt however? I didn't really know. "I believe I have a new found fear of wolves, if that means anything." I shrugged.
"Who could blame you?" Dorian chuckled, eyeing my leg and arm but only briefly scanning my face.
My hand came up to feel the bandages again, "Is it that bad?"
"You were pretty bashed up when they found you, Trixy." It was Varrics voice to my right. I looked to him and smiled, he returned it warmly. "Glad to see you back with us."
I felt the bandages again and remembered the searing pain of the wolf attacking my face. "I'll have a hideous scar now, won't I?" It may have been a vain thought but it upset me greatly. To think of my face permanently marred like that... I'd always quite liked how I looked. Not in an arrogant way but over time I had grown accustomed to my face. And now it would be forever changed and scarred.
"Nonsense." Varric said, "Scars have the best stories." he winked and I took some comfort in it.
"Well..." I sighed, settling back into the cushioned furs of the cart, "What's the plan?"
"Well, after your flamboyant pyrotechnic signal we were able to find you and The Herald within minutes." Dorian began.
Bull chuckled, "Should've seen the look on Cullen's face. I think he just about shit his breeches with excitement when that fireball exploded. Way to get a guy's attention."
"Yes, everyone was thoroughly pleased and excited. The Herald slept off her exhaustion, had a few stitches but you... Maker I thought..." Dorian cleared his throat and blinked his eyes too quickly but continued, "It took more than a few stitches to bring you back, I think for a while you were really, well, dead."
"Solas and Dorian took it in turns keeping you alive-"
"Makers breath I've never seen chuckles look so determined." Varric added.
"Sure, he did his fair share but Dorian too-"
"Yes and everything I did to try and help, he insisted I was doing it wrong. Nothing was good enough for his little lethalin" Dorian cut Bull off, "You'll note that your broken arm is no longer and your leg remains split in two. I was in charge of the arm. You can blame Solas for the splint and crutches."
I had to laugh. Hearing them all talk so easily, knowing they were right there beside me after so long of what seemed like being alone... It was like a homecoming. A family.
"Anyway," Dorian continued, "We're here now, following the Herald North. Apparently there's a place for the Inquisition to hold up and rebuild."
"That was two weeks ago." Varric added in his familiar droll tone.
"And if I have to spend another two weeks pissing into a freezing tin pot I'll throw myself off one of these mountains." Dorian finished and I laughed loudly. It echoed over the mountains and turned a few heads in the crowd. They smiled however, a warm and hopeful smile. They had persevered and they had survived.
A week went by of travelling and camping. Leliana visited my cart and brought me sweet cakes and tea.
"I order you to get well soon Lavellan. I cannot afford to do without one of my best agents for much longer. The Herald may be many things but she is no scout. Finding this Stronghold has been a torture."
We laughed and talked long into the night and she stayed with me until I fell asleep. It was a nice thought that so many of these people cared about me. Like they truly were my family.
Sera and Blackwall visited briefly, but they were needed up at the front with the Herald and couldn't stay long.
"I've a present for you, Nev. I'll give it to you when we finally find this place." The Warden had called and I had thanked him eagerly. Another week passed by of travelling through the snowy hills and the once sublime scenery around us was becoming quite boring. Especially sitting where I was in the same cart.
"A Fortnight, Varric." I moaned. "It's been a whole fortnight and I haven't moved from this bloody cart once."
He chuckled as he walked slowly alongside me. "Well, you need to rest that leg as long as you can. Chuckles' orders."
"Well it would be nice if he'd actually tell me that himself. Two weeks and have I seen him? No! Of course not! Because every now and then he takes it into his head to be an arsehole!" I cried.
"Come on now, you know no one cared for you like he did when you were sick." He chastised me.
I slumped back heavily into the cart, "I know." I said, defeated and fed up, "And its that which I can't understand. Why show such care for me when I'm unconscious and yet refuse to acknowledge my existence when I'm awake?"
Varric looked somewhat speechless, "I'm not sure I can answer that. Maybe he's scared."
I guffawed, "Scared? Scared of what? That I'll insult the fade again?"
"Look, I know you two have never exactly gotten along. But, Lavellan... When they brought you back up here on that stretcher, your face torn and covered in blood... Solas was the first one by your side. It was like he saw nothing else, not even the Herald, and the way he looked at you? There was something there, Trixy."
A heavy silence fell on me then, a kind of disbelief almost. I didn't what to think about what that "something" was. It was strange and unfamiliar. I'd much rather keep our little rivalry going than find out what it was.
"Far be it from me to be spreading idle gossip. So, you want out of the cart? I can get you out of the cart." Varric, as if he could tell, broke that silence and I shot up with a smile.
"My dastardly dwarf," I laughed, "You get me out of this Mythal forsaken thing and I'll be forever in your debt."
He leaned in closer and looked around suspiciously, "I may be able to pilfer you a pair of crutches."
"It would need to be subtle." I said,
"Of course."
"And no one can find out or they'll stick me right back in."
"Not a problem."
I smiled fiendishly and without another word, Varric was off to set me free. I laughed and leaned back into the cart in satisfaction. Things might just get better yet.
I must have dozed off by the time Varric returned with said crutches because I awoke to a man I'd never seen before clambering over the top and inright alongside me.
"'Pologies miss!" He whispered. His face was gaunt and bearded and heavy wrinkles lined under his eyes. He was thin and crooked from what I could tell under his cloak, and had tufts of white hair sticking out from under his hood. "Master Varric said I could have a turn in the cart. Injured my leg back in Haven you see. Bit of the Inn fell right down on my knee. Should've heard the almighty crack it gave, miss. Never heard the like of it, and it ain't the first bone I broke. Usually I wouldn't presume to climb up in this cart so brazen like, but these old bones heal slow, and a few days of resting might do them some good."
I sat in a sort of stunned silence but nodded all the same. Of course he could have the cart! Gods I felt appallingly selfish to think of all the others who might be struggling along with broken legs.
"Certainly!" I burst out, shuffling over to the side where Varric handed me up the old man's crutches.
"Thank you ever so." He sighed, slumping back heavily in the furs and closing his eyes. I think I heard him snoring by the time I was out and in the snow. I beamed widely at Varric as I tested the crutches. It was easy enough to walk alongside the crowd as the snow had been flattened and melted by the many footprints.
"You've got a knack for that." Varric chuckled as I picked up my pace.
"Its quite fun really." I said, taking long strides through the cold evening air. The sun was setting just below the horizon and the sky was draped in the finest colours, pink, purple and gold. The mountains once again looked beautiful and immense from where I stood. I closed my eyes and let the cold mountain air wash over me.
"Its things like these..." Varric said, his voice distant and entirely not like him.
"Like what?" I asked.
He turned to me and with a smile pointed up to the sunset. "There are times when I think about turning back, giving up and letting this whole shit show play itself out. What am I supposed to do against everything? Its not my problem, let the Herald take care of it. What's the point in fighting against so much bad in the world?" He paused and his eyes drifted back to the horizon. "Then things like that happen and I realise that's why. There's so many things in this worth that deserve to be fought for." He smiled and nodded back to the sleeping man in the cart, "So many people, who can't do it themselves, they deserve to be fought for. I'll be damned if I stand by and let Corypheus take all this away."
I stopped and watched as he walked on ahead with the rest of the Inquisition. What he said stuck to me. It was true and right and it I could not fault it.
"Varric, I believe that's the most uplifting thing you've ever said." I called to him.
He turned back to me and laughed, "Yea well, don't get used to it Trixy. I may be fighting for the greater good but I'll make sure to complain about it every step of the way."