Severus stared at his wand with a feeling of distrust in his stomach. Why didn't it work? He moved away from Hermione, and sat on the couch.
"We are safe here, right?" Hermione asked with a painful uncertainty in her voice.
"Now," He said, "More safe than ever. The wards Minerva put up around the castle the will prove quite... annoying, though necessary. No one will be able to come on to castle grounds without her express approval. No magical creature will be able to cross the boundary."
His jaw was flexing and she looked at him as his dark eyes moved over the floor. His thumb was rubbing the handle of his wand anxiously.
"Severus, don't worry," She sat next to him, "You can cast one. I know you can."
Maybe it's the memory. The one he had previously used was one with Lily, when they were children, when she had called him her best friend for the first time. It feels hollow.
"Is it the memory?" She voiced his thought.
"Perhaps," He said, "By habit, my memory is one with Lily. It is the one I have used each time since I was first able to produce a patronus. I have not tried to cast one since my conversation with her until today," He explained, "My heart might have moved faster than my mind in this regard. I have not actively sat down and ranked my memories from happiest to unhappiest..." He frowned, worried he'd upset her, "I have been working on her, Hermione. Every day. I swear it."
"I know, Severus," She touched his cheek, "I don't doubt you." Please don't doubt me.
He tried a different one: his first kiss with Hermione, "Expecto Patronum!"
Some more white wisps. Another memory. Stronger.
The Three Broomsticks. Her smile. Her attention on him and only him. Her hand on his knee. Normal. Happy. Comfortable. Happy. Happy.
The memory filled his chest, and he could feel the happiness creep down his fingertips. He adjusted in his seat so he could look at her face. I love you.
"Are you okay?" Her eyes were filled with worry.
He gave her a half-smile, "I am worried I have hurt you."
She said, "Close your eyes," He obeyed, "Focus on the new memory. Let it fill you up," It didn't take much. It was already there. Her hand was on his knee again, like it had been in the memory, "Ready?"
"Yes," He whispered.
"One... two... Three!"
"Expecto Patronum!" They both said at once.
Severus kept his eyes closed for fear of being disappointed again. When she gasped, he winced.
"Severus... What... Is that a..."
He opened his dark eyes and his mouth fell open, "That... That is not a doe." What the fuck?
"No. No. Definitely not," She said.
"That's a..." He narrowed his eyes, "That's a wolverine."
They watched quietly for a moment as her otter timidly moved closer to his patronus. It was a frightening beast to behold, but it made no qualms as the otter grew closer and closer. Finally, it reached the wolverine and sniffed it. The wolverine stared at the otter, then laid down, and the otter cuddled up under its paw.
"How sweet!" Hermione said. Sweet? Have you ever read anything about wolverines?
"Why did it change?" Severus asked.
"Strange, isn't it? What comes from within," She put her hand on his thigh.
His jaw twitched, but he didn't say anything, "At least this is more masculine," He said quietly.
She giggled and summoned a book as he watched the corporeal beasts lay together. That thing is frightening. Long claws and large, thick, sharp teeth and about as large as a well-sized dog.
"A wolverine is a rare corporeal patronus, but the symbolism behind the animal is well-studied. The wolverine is the wicked-tempered renegade of the animal kingdom," He could hear her smirk as he studied the creature in front of him, "Ferocious, determined, intelligent, and uncompromising in nature, the wolverine patronus reflects the power, resourcefulness, and courage within the caster. A wolverine does not back down or surrender, and maintains a fierce presence that is often so intimidating that it does not need to frequently fight. A wolverine will aggressively defend its loved one to the death. In the wild, wolverines are unconventional and will do what is necessary to survive, and they can also be surprisingly needy, appearing big and bad but finding themselves incapable of dealing with sadness or loneliness. They often mate for life. Wolverines can have famously fragile egos, and are easily offended," She snorted.
"I do not find that amusing," He said.
"Of course you don't. You've got a famously fragile ego," She laughed. Witch.
He stared at the animal in front of him and it met his gaze. He could feel the bond with it, the animal put his head down over the otter protectively. How interesting...
Hermione made a small gasp again and said quietly, "They're in the same family as otters. It's..."
"Patronus incest?" He drawled.
"Ugh, Severus," She huffed and then said, "They're complementary. It's... soul-magic."
His eyes narrowed at the animals as they slept, "How romantic."
"Someone's grumpy," She frowned.
"I think that it fits better than the other," He mused.
"Than the doe? Oh, yeah!"
"Why do you have a book on patronus symbolism?" He asked.
"I find things like this interesting." Of course you do.
"And yours? The otter? You've just dissected mine quite thoroughly. Out with it," He smirked.
He could hear her flipping through the pages. Soul-magic?
"An otter is a semi-rare corporeal patronus. Otters are playful, curious, and fearless creatures. Often associated with femininity, otters are nurturing, friendly, and attentive. An otter patronus reveals the inner beauty, the love of family and children, and intuition of the caster. It also showcases the general good-natured adaptability of the witch or wizard who conjures it. While fierce independence is necessary in the wild, otters are unfailingly loyal and will protect their family. They also often fall asleep holding their hands together so that no otter gets separated from the rest," She said and he smiled, "An otter is graceful, joyful, open to love, and possesses a deep gratitude for life."
"Complementary?" He asked.
"I believe so," She said academically.
"Soul-magic?" He asked.
"I would bet my life."
"I much prefer this one," Severus said quietly.
"Yeah?" She asked as she studied the page.
"Yes," He said as he turned to her. The wispy animals disappeared as their eyes met.
"Why do you look sad?"
"I am... It feels..." His eyes searched her face as he struggled to put words on his thoughts and feelings, "It feels... Like freedom."
Her eyes filled with tears and she wrapped her arms around him, careful not to press too hard against his shoulder.
It feels like freedom.