* Thanks to Riven Cole for the suggestion to add some of Three Dog's actual in-game dialogue. It made this piece ten times better! Thanks! Oh, yes, and I give full credit to the writers of Fallout 3 when it comes to the dialogue they wrote that I inserted into my drabble. Those well crafted sentences are all theirs.

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Attention! Attention! People of the Capital Wasteland, you can HEAR MEEEE!!!! Your's truly, the DJ with the most, the Dog with the biggest bark, and the meanest growl is back on the airwaves. Yes, it is I children----THREE DOG! Yeeeaa haaaa!!! Daddy is home and he is ready to tell it like it is.

That's right, from Megaton to Girdershade, Paradise Falls to the Republic of Dave, we are coming to you loud and proud, in a special live report! But Three Dog! You're in that cool radio studio in D.C. How do YOU know I can hear you, all the way out here in the ass end of nowhere? Because of the kid from Vault 101, that's how! Yeah, that kid actually managed to repair our antenna relay. How's that for ingenuity, folks? From here on in, it's bye-bye stupid static, hello magnificent music.

Now, thanks to that Vault 101 gal, all of my future broadcasts can be heard (once again) anywhere in the greater D.C. area. Think of it as an early Christmas present kiddies; in fact, think of 101 as your own personal Santa Claus. She's even got herself her own little helper to follow her around and assist her in spreading the "good cheer" out in Capital Shit-hole.

Anyway, this elf's name is Charon. Don't get him confused with any cute and loveable elves though my faithful flock 'cause by elf, I meant ghoul, and by cheery, I meant one mean S.O.B. Oh yeah, kiddies that Charon (much like that vault kid) sure knows how to "play" out in the field (if you catch my innuendo). . .and he plays best with a certain lass named Sally---his shotgun.

Hey, and take it from a cat who knows: Don't insult Sally. But why Three Dog? Well, for starters she's one fine lady, and secondly children, she's got one helluva killer instinct, ya dig? I swear, if crossed that Sally will give you more than a headache; in fact, she's liable to cut your fucking head clean off! So, word to the wise, be nice to Sally and her best guy Charon, for they're both deadly folks.

But anyways, it's because of Sally, and our two merry gunslingers that I have been delivered to all the good boys and girls of the wastes. Can you say, "Deck the halls," children? Because I can. Deck them fucking halls! Yeeeaa haaaa!!! Christmas has come early children! Christmas has come early!

Thank you 101, and thanks to your friends too. You delivered when old Three Dog thought you'd ripped yourself a new asshole somewhere. Good job kid! That satellite is working like a charm; it's even making this Dog want to bay at the moon, I'm so fucking giddy.

You know what? I might just do that! I'll have myself a special broadcast tonight where I do howl up at that bright ass moon of ours. I am the Sultan of Swing, the King of rock n' roll, and the Man with the Blues in the Palm of his Hand---Three Dog! And I can do pretty much whatever the fuck I want, right kiddies? And right now, I'd like to do Gemma (our favorite runt from a certain vault we all know) a solid.

Okay, kid, now listen to Old Three Dog: I want you to hang in there. You'll find your daddy soon enough. I mean, your the enigmatic Vault Renegade, who only recently stepped out of the vault and into our lives, and have accomplished some pretty daring shit since then just to see that old man of yours. You've got what it takes girl! Don't go losing heart now. . . .

Oh, yeah, and (while I'm at it) I've got a message for Gemma's dad too. You see, James, your kid's out there man, and she's looking for you. That spitfire of a daughter of your's has gone through Hell and high water trying to find you----because she's worried sick about you. Sure, 101 puts up a tough front, but you're all she's got left. That vault of yours kicked her out. The bastards. But, your baby girl's a fighter James. . .and she's fighting the good fight (much like her daddy).

So, if you're listening? Do me a favor: hold off on your plans for awhile man. Wait for your daughter. She's coming, and she's bringing the thunder.

Plus, your kid fucking loves you man. A total daddy's girl if there ever was one. Come on James! Now's the time to make it up to 101. Shit, you did leave her in an underground bunker, right? Right. Well, then, go give her a great big Papa Bear hug or something! That kid deserves one.

Okay, my little heart to heart is over. Just got one last thing to say though. . .here goes. HEY! 101! See? I might be bad, but I'm so bad I'm good. And, you know what else kid? I think you deserve a new nick-name, one worthy of the trials you've faced out here in this big bad world of ours. Hmmm. . . . How about, The Lone Wanderer? It has a nice ring to it doesn't it kid? Anyway, if ya don't like it, well, too bad. You're stuck with it. Tough titties.

Yeah, and Miss Lone Wanderer, you get your ass back to GNR, you hear me? We've got some stuff to talk about! Three Dog has a Christmas gift of his own for ya! (And it's worth the trek back to my humble abode, trust me). Now, children it's time to sit back, relax, and absorb these classic tunes.