"I say the flight attendant in the coat check with the candlestick."
"You're not funny, you know that right?" groaned Olivia Benson with fading tolerance of her jocular partner's approach to the case in hand.
"Brianna had the means and the motive."
"Yeah but we don't have any actual, you know..." lifting her eyes from the case file in her hand Olivia met Detective Tutuola's gaze and quipped drily, "... evidence."
"I bet if you hold still I could balance my coffee right on top of..." biting his tongue between his teeth in concentration Fin leant forward and precariously balanced his paper coffee cup on top of his friend's heavily pregnant belly, "... there!"
"Odafin..."
"Check it out! I'm getting the mom eyes, you're a natural already!" he teased, as she shot him a withering glare.
"You want a coaster for that?" twisting her mouth to a wry smile Olivia couldn't help but soften at Fin's impish grin. He brought her a lightness that acted on her like a tonic. Her pregnancy had been no easy ride but he had been there every step of the way bringing the kind of unconditional love and support she had never known from anyone before.
"See, you love me really."
"Even when you're a giant pain in my ass?"
"Even when I'm a pain in your giant ass."
"Fin!" with a sharp intake of breath the self conscious in Olivia winced.
"Oh you know I'm just messin' wit'cha..." reaching out and bumping her jaw playfully with a knuckled fist Fin flashed his teeth, "... you're one hot mama."
"A hot mess more like..." tilting her head back and closing her eyes exhaustedly Olivia confessed, "...and absolutely no where on this case."
"Feet."
"I wasn't hinting..."
"Gimme..." demanded Fin, gesturing with his hands for Olivia to kick her heels up onto his lap, "... now run it through for me from the top. Where was Brianna when our perp enters the party?"
"Fin can I ask you something?" lulled by the intimacy of the moment, with Fin rubbing at her feet Olivia tilted head and found his eyes. "Something personal?"
"You can ask but I ain't promising I'll..."
"If you could go back and change anything in your life..." it was a question she herself had grappled with many times, and more so lately than ever, but she could see in his face it was not one he had to think hard on, "... what would it be?"
"Ken."
"Huh." She nodded, having honestly been able to guess his answer before he gave it.
"I should've been there. No crap, no excuses, no letting life get in the way." Shrugging with the full weight of his culpability Fin sighed, "I let my boy down."
"Oh my God..."
"What?" pulling a puzzled face Fin added, "Don't tell me you didn't see that answer coming? You can't really be surprised..."
"No, no it's not that..." she laughed breathlessly, taking back her feet and sitting forward in her chair while holding both palms flush against her rounded stomach, "... here, give me your hands?"
"Baby B kicking again?"
"You gotta feel it this time though..." leaning off her seat and grabbing his hand she brought it up to her belly, tucking it just under her ribcage and holding it fast until a tiny limb packed a punch against it, "... there! You feel it? That's gotta be like a whole elbow or foot or something."
"Yeah well she's getting hella strong now, ain't she?" beamed Fin with reflected pride. "She's getting all set to come out and play with her Uncle Fin."
"You don't know it's a girl and..."
"I have a sixth sense about these things."
"Sure you do."
"You know what else I have a sixth sense about?" his hand still under hers, pressed against the warmth of her stomach Fin trusted their relationship was strong enough to withstand his next comment. "You can't keep this up forever."
"I don't know what you're talking about." She lied, badly.
"If he was just some dumb mistake, some drunk one night stand or..." shaking his head and shrugging matter-of-factly Fin finished, "... but it's El."
"Don't go there with me, Fin..." she warned sharply, "... don't go there."
"I have to, Liv. Not just because I'm the only one who knows the truth but because I'm the only one in your life with the balls to tell you you're being an idiot."
"I think I preferred you using my baby as a coffee table." She replied, shutting down the conversation but he could see in her eyes it had resounded the way he had intended it to.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't..." lied Olivia, gently stirred by the repetitive stroking of Elliot's hand through her hair, "... it's fine."
"Sleep if you can. I'm right here." He soothed, rubbing her arm lightly as she lay with her head in his lap dozing. They had been sat in the relatives room for what felt like days now, just waiting and watching the door for the attending in charge of Eve to reappear with something new to tell.
"I can't sleep until I know she's okay..." hauling herself upright Olivia rubbed at her face and surrendered a wide yawn, turning to Elliot and asking doubtfully, "... can you?"
"No, no I closed my eyes just now but..." shrugging exhaustedly Elliot sighed, "... its impossible to switch off. I keep trying to figure out if there was something I missed. Something I should've realised was more than just teething."
"You know what I've come to realise? I have had no clue what the hell I've been doing this whole time."
"How'd you mean?" he asked, his hand instinctively gravitating to her and falling to rest on her thigh.
"From the moment they put that tiny, bright pink bundle of chubby little arms and legs in my arms I've been winging it. Just making it up as I've gone along. Right from the start all Evie and I have had to go on was blind love and learning from my rookie, first time mom mistakes."
"You've done amazingly." He acknowledged, perhaps for the first time aloud.
"Because she's amazing. I got so insanely freakin' lucky to wind up with the most patient, tolerant, happy little girl..." marvelled Olivia, closing her eyes as the pain set in once more, "... not even I've managed to screw her up yet."
"And you're not going to either..." smiled Elliot with the warmth of a profound love flooding his veins, "... not in the many, many years you're going to have the opportunity."
"I'm not done loving that kid yet..." choked Olivia at a hoarse whisper, "... I'm only just getting started."
"Don't do this to yourself, Liv."
"Did I deserve this, Elliot?" were the raw, cut straight to the bone words that made the hairs on Elliot's neck prickle. "Is this my punishment?"
"Olivia..."
"You weren't mine, El. You were still very married to Kathy when I took you home with me the night of the ball and..."
"Stop it, you hear me? Just stop it..." grabbing her shoulders and physically giving her a light shake Elliot implored, "... quit torturing yourself, okay?"
"I just..."
"Go call him."
"What?" she asked, blinking misty eyes and frowning puzzled.
"I know you've not stopped thinking about Fin since he left here kinda suddenly earlier. You can't do anything about what's going on with Evie but you can fix that. Go call him and talk this out with him."
"It's fine. He's fine. I need to stay here with you and..."
"He's the best friend you've got and he can get you out of your head better than I can sometimes..." leaning forward and pressing a light kiss against her amazed lips Elliot smiled, "... so go, call him."
"Okay, okay thanks." She yielded, accepting he was right and grabbing her cell phone from the arm of the couch. Standing to leave she straightened her shirt and raked a handful of hair back from her face with a deep, rallying breath.
"I'm gonna go grab us both a coffee and we'll meet back here?"
"Sounds good..." she nodded steadily, then turning back spoke softly, "... oh and El?"
"Yeah?" he asked, rising from the couch as she came back across the room and wrapped herself around his neck and hugged him tightly.
"I love Fin..." she murmured, pulling back and meeting his eyes, "... but he isn't the best friend I've got." Then, leaning in for a lingering kiss, she closed her eyes and allowed the world to melt away for a few moments before heading out into the corridor to place her call.
"Make mine a long black."
"Hey..." repeated Elliot, turning from the coffee cart to embrace his friend in a warm, back slapping man hug, "... man is it good to see you back here."
"Yeah, yeah sorry about that dude. Guess I got a little freaked earlier..." were honest words from Fin as his eyes narrowed anxious to know, "... how's baby girl?"
"Not good. No worse but no better either. They're hitting it hard with the meds but its tough when she's so little and..." pausing for breath, and taking a deep lungful of air Elliot shook his head sadly at Fin and sighed, "... and Liv is just going out of her mind up there."
"Sounds like you both are and with good reason."
"She's in pieces, Fin. I can barely stand to watch her and I don't know what to say or how to..." holding quiet for a moment Elliot met his friend's eyes, "... but you're the one whose usually pretty great at talking her down from the ledge."
"Yeah well I've had practice."
"That a dig?" asked Elliot, knowing it wouldn't be unjustified.
"Not really. No, no not at all bro..." fisting his palm and punching the airspace between them Fin motioned with his eyes for Elliot to mirror the gesture, "... we're all good."
"We're all good." Echoed Elliot, bumping fists with Fin and swallowing a lock of emotion lodged suddenly in his throat. "We're all good."
"I'm gonna sit down here a while and clear my head..." said Elliot, his eyes open-handed and honest as he gave a little nod of encouragement to Fin, "... she's waiting for you. Go see her."
"El you gotta know that..." biting on his bottom lip Fin considered his words carefully, "... what I'm tryin' to say is..."
"You were there."
"I..." faltered Fin, a little stunned by Elliot's bluntness.
"You held her hand through all of it. I get it, I do."
"Elliot..."
"You loved my daughter before I even knew she existed..." feeling right from wrong more acutely, more unambiguously than most Elliot stated plainly, "... you're a part of this Fin. Don't ever feel like Liv and Evie don't need you here because they do. More than you know."
"Hey pretty lady..." called Fin down the corridor to where Olivia was sat in a plastic bucket chair, leaning forward with her head cradled in her hands, "... wanna frickle?"
"Fin..." she murmured, with wide eyed elation on seeing his familiar smile headed toward her.
"It got a little cold in transit..." retrieving the fried pickle from his pocket Fin casually explained, "... but this it's the real deal right here. No downtown fakery."
"You didn't serious go all the way to the ballpark to fetch this for me?" asked Olivia, amazed.
"I know a guy."
"You have frickle connections?" it might well have been the first time she had allowed herself a full smile in days, and it created enough appetite in her allow her to sink grateful teeth into her snack.
"And just so's you know the Red Sox were freakin' owning the Dodgers."
"Fin about earlier..." swallowing hard Olivia met his eyes, "... you should know that I..."
"I do. I know. He's your guy and I get that. I gotta let go of how many kinds of crazy it makes me worrying he's gonna hurt you and baby girl again..." rounding his shoulders in a candid shrug Fin added, "... I'll get over it."
"I don't want you to get over it." Replied Olivia steadily. "I didn't stop needing you on my side just because El and I are together."
"No?" doubted Fin, not entirely sure where his puzzle piece was supposed to slot in anymore.
"I still want be your plus one to Ken's wedding. I still want take Evie to Disneyworld with you someday. I still want our movie nights and midnight drives when I can't get her to settle. I don't want our friendship to change Fin..." hesitating a moment, unable to read his expression she added, "... if you don't?"
"Whatch'you think?" he scoffed, but with eyes that sang relief and gratitude. "Now how's about you tell me the full story on where baby girl's at. Talk me through it hour by hour since I was last here."
"Excuse me? Hey, hi there?"
"Everything alright?"
"No, no not really. I just came back from grabbing a coffee and she was just here. She was just right here when I left and my daughter she was in that room but now she's gone and..."
"Oh! Oh did no one tell you? Gosh, I'm so sorry honey. We moved her, the baby has been moved. She's up on the next floor in a special isolated incubation room. The antibiotics we dosed you with should have set in now and Eve was safe enough for visitors..." glad to see the relief wash over the panicked father's face the nurse added warmly, "... your wife is up there with her and they're waiting for you. Let me take you there."
"God, she looks better..." staring through the windowed room to where Olivia was sat cuddling Eve he breathed euphorically and turned to the nurse, "... doesn't she look better?"
"The drugs have stabilised her for the time being. She's hasn't seized in a while and she's regaining a little of the strength in her neck and limbs. We're a long way from declaring a victory but..."
"Look baby girl, look whose that come to see you?" whispered Olivia, tilting her arms slightly so that Eve's eyes could attempt to focus on the figure staring at her through the glass. "It's your daddy, sweetie. See him? He's right here."
"Can I?" asked Elliot, reaching for the door handle.
"It's one visitor at a time in these special wards I'm afraid but maybe later..."
"Mouse, I'm right out here. Hey baby, it's your dad, how's it going?"
"Oh hell, if they fire me I'm blaming that angel child's precious little face..." throwing the door open the nurse made a wide sweeping gesture for Elliot to proceed to the vacuum glass doors and suit up for a visit, "... I challenge anyone to deny those baby blues her Daddy."
"I'm sorry I was gone so long..." murmured Elliot, approaching carefully and bending to plant a gentle kiss on Olivia's cheek, "... how is she?"
"They said sometimes it helps them at this age to have someone hold them..." managed Olivia with a strained hoarse in her voice, "... you want a turn?"
"No, no I'm good..." though he wanted desperately to hold Eve he couldn't move her from Olivia's arms, not when the two of them looked so exquisite to him sat just as they were, "... I think Mouse is exactly where she needs to be right now."
"She's not okay, El..." swallowed Olivia bleakly, reaching out her hand and sliding it into his so that the three of them might be physically connected, "... she's not even close. It was easier to block it out when we were the other side of a closed door, but now? She's just really, really sick and I..."
"Here, here get up a second..." tugging at her hand and gently encouraging her to her feet for a brief moment long enough for him to sit down on her chair Elliot settled them both back down on his lap and hugged them close, "... right, carry on, you were saying?"
"Tighter..." whispered Olivia, the words barely audible but heavily resounding in Elliot as he wrapped his arms more securely around her and kissed her hair lovingly, "... that's better."
"I'm here. I've gotcha."
"El it hurts."
"I know."
"I don't think I've ever known pain like it."
"I know."
"This button nose, these chubby little cheeks and tiny fingers were inside me. I did this. All those years I worked so closely with kids and thought I understood. I was wrong. I didn't understand a damn thing. Even with Calvin I kept it at arm's length. I came close but it wasn't the same. I never let it all the way in. I might have mothered him for a while but I wasn't his mother..." shaking her head with the devastating realisation that the tiny life in her arms held the power to end her own Olivia whispered, "... he wasn't part of me the way Evie is."
"I know."
"I waited my whole life for this little girl Elliot..." closing her eyes as warm tears escaped down each cheek Olivia gasped breathlessly, "... and I can't lose her now."
"So you do you see now? All this? It was meant to be Evie Grace. It was all written in the stars a long, long time ago."
A gurgling murmur came from the weak little body in Captain Don Cragen's arms, as though despite how sick she was somehow she understood his meaning. Arriving late at night, after an impossibly long day in his painfully short staffed precinct he had spent the past half hour recounting the story of Eve. Attempting to convey to her the providence that had brought her into all their lives, and that her leaving now was not part of the plan.
"I was meant to hire an overly empathetic rookie detective into my squad. She was meant to be partnered with a rough diamond. She had the pretty face to charm him, the strength of will to tame him and enough patience and love to balance out all his rage and thunder."
"Umph." Burbled Eve, twisting fractiously with more energy than she had displayed in days.
"You gotta stick around little girl. You're only just beginning. There is so much you still have to see and do and those two people watching us through the glass? They're gonna help you. They are going to be there every step you take, and trust me when I say that I've seen a lot of parents in my time and you hit the jackpot, kid."
Settling suddenly Eve's vivid, aqua eyes stared up at him from behind dark lashes and held his gaze. Blinking repeatedly she truly focused on Cragen's kindly eyes, the gentle lines of wisdom around them and the affection they cast down on her.
"Your mom? She's world class. She might just be the strongest, bravest, smartest, and the most completely kind person I've ever known. She has more love to give than you have even begun to realise. You've only skimmed the surface of knowing how many kinds of incredible your mother is, little girl..." tearing up and choking a little on his whispered words Cragen added, "... so you listen to an old man when he tells you to fight Evie. You gotta fight the way she does. You gotta use a little of that strength Liv has given you and you have to fight to survive this, you hear me?"