Thanks so much you guys for all of the wonderful feed back. The positive reactions toward my pairing have been such a confidence boost! Back when I first decided I was going to pair Burn with Cade, all I could think about was if everyone was going to agree. I know a lot of you were rooting for Ratchet, but I just couldn't bring myself to write about them, and believe me, I tried. This story would have been over and done with many chapters ago had it gone that way… and I don't know about you guys, but I don't want this story to be over for a while yet. I've still got so much in store for Burn, Cade, and the Autobots!
I have a correction in my A/N from chapter 34. Litahatchee's story, Night Fire, is spelt Night Fire, NOT Nightfire, there is a space between the two words. Sorry Lita! And thank you so much for being my beta for these couple of chapters!
Face Down Chapter 35
Barricade looked over the femme that lay off line in his arms.
"Burnout." He whispered to her, gently laying a hand on the side of her face. She was surprisingly cold. She had given him so much energy that there was hardly enough left for herself. Looking over her still frame, he knew he needed to close off her chest and keep her body close to his, using the warmth of his body to help her.
The amount of energy she had given him had taxed on her greatly; she had been incapable of shutting her own chassis. Adjusting his hold so that he could gain easier access to Burnout's exposed spark,he hoped thathe could warm her core by gently manipulating the metal of her spark case. The Decepticon felt his energon run cold at the sight that met his optics.
Hands trembling, Barricade reached out to touch a gouge mark on the delicate metal, but before contact could be made, he pulled back as if he had been shocked. Memories flooded back into his processor, memories of all the wrongs he had committed.
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
Barricade continued to look over the deep lacerations on her exposed spark case; it saddened and angered him to see these flaws on the beautiful femme. He hadn't done them to her directly, but indirectly, they were there solely because of him. He was the flaw in her existence. Returning shame began to twist his spark.
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
Reaching his hand out again, this time willing himself to make contact, his spark lurching in agony over what she had been forced to endure by his actions, because of his inaction.
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
"I am so sorry." He whispered, voice breaking from unreleased emotion. Barricade had never wept before. Decepticons never allowed such emotions to surface. He had never felt sadness of this magnitude, but as he looked over the marred casing that covered Burnout's spark, Barricade felt his spark twist painfully, and began to weep. Through his spark he wallowed in anguish, holding the femme close to him while he told her everything that passed through his processor. Whether she could hear him mattered not; he just needed to talk to her, to let everything out. It was one thing to have shared all of this, and more, through their earlier connection; it was another to express it willingly, using his words.
Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate of uncertainty
Barricade told her how, in the past, he had never wanted anyone near her because of his own feelings he had for her. He told her how much of an idiot he was for not taking the time to see if she would go with him willingly; he should have asked instead of taken. He regretted his actions, and the needless killing of her heroic friend. At the time, he saw the mech as weak and foolish. But looking back now, Barricade felt nothing but respect for the Autobot. He had been standing up for someone that he cared about, even loved. The Decepticon understood love now; he didn't see the mech as being so foolish any longer, but strong and courageous for fighting even when the odds of survival were slim to none.
Barricade continued to cradle Burnout in his arms, he was pleased to feel that her temperature had risen, but he wasn't ready to let her go, there was still so much more that he needed to tell her. Expelling air that he hadn't even known he was holding, Barricade continued.
He spoke of the other Decepticons that had wanted her too; how he wanted to protect her from them, so he did the only thing he knew how to do; he killed them. But, he could do nothing about Megatron. He told her of the regret he had, even then, of the situation that he had put her in, and how it hurt him to see what Megatron was doing to her. He expressed his regret for not having shown her any sympathy, for not having shown her any emotion other than distaste and disappointment. His actions and his emotionless demeanor were nothing but a front. They were the result of his own self-loathing. He hated himself for what he had done to her, and he wasn't able to face it. He became quiet as his emotions overwhelmed him, his spark weeping openly now.
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
Holding her close, he rested his forehead against hers, and in the quiet darkness that surrounded them, he thendeclared his undying love for her. He told her that there would be no way that he would ever hurt her again, that he would die before he allowed anyone to hurt her. Taking a deep, settling, breath, Barricade felt as if all of Cybertron had been lifted from his shoulders. In the silence that followed Barricade's speech, the mech continued to morn for Burnout and what she had endured. He silently willed all of her pain away.
The emotional battle, and especially the physical battle, was starting to catch up to him, the mech felt his processors beginning to involuntarily go off-line. He had wanted to remain awake while Burnout rested, but it seemed his internal systems had other ideas. Even in his final moments before the nothingness of recharge over took him, Barricade could think of nothing but the wish that he could take away all the pain he had caused the femme.
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
--
"We're getting slagged out here Starscream!" Skywarp bellowed to his commander. The transformed F-22 was an exact replica to his commander, the only visual variation were streaks of purple along his wing tips. While their third wing mate, Thundercracker, had a light blue coloring in the same area.
Starscream looked out onto the battlefield, they were getting their afts handed to them. It seemed that he had underestimated the Autobot's priorities. While he assumed that they would be distracted and have their mechs spread thin looking for Barricade, in actuality, the Autobots seemed to have hit Starscream's raiders full force.
Snarling, the Decepticon commander ordered for a retreat. They had gotten what they needed; there was no use in staying if his already limited ranks were to be slaughtered. He hated retreating; it was a command he always loathed to obey. When Megatron had ruled, all Starscream wanted was to be turned loose on the Autobots, to destroy them. But now in the position of command, Starscream has slowly realized that there was more to war then just randomly throwing everything you had at the enemy, you had to choose your battles.
In his rage at needing to call the retreat, Starscream narrowed his optics on a particular pair of Autobots that he found to be especially annoying. Firing up his thrusters, the Decepticon commander launched himself into the air, landing heavily behind the duo.
Sunstreaker and Sideswipe spun around, weapons out and ready for battle.
"Screechy! Glad you could join us!" The golden Lamborghini chortled. "We've missed hearing you out here!"
The transformed Raptor felt his energon boil. "I would have thought the lot of you would be out looking for your little friend." The commander voiced, trying to hide his agitation. Vorns of experience had taught him that these two fed off of their target's anger. He couldn't help but smirk when both suddenly grew uncharacteristically still by his statement.
"What do you know?" Sideswipe growled, powering up his weapon.
"Only that your mech is probably already dead." Starscream practically sang, this game was fun and he wanted to enjoy every moment of it.
"Mech? What makes you think we're looking for a mech?" Sunny questioned, following his brother's example and activating his own gun.
"Ha! He thinks we're looking for Barricade." Sides clarified, sarcasm dripping.
Sunstreaker laughed, "We're not concerned about Barricade!" Starscream quickly saw that he no longer had the upper hand and the situation was loosing its amusing quality.
Releasing a couple rounds out off his photon ray, which where returned in kind by at least half a dozen Autobots, the seeker launched into the air to quickly join his wing mates. His processor was reeling.
'They're not looking for Barricade. But who else or what else could they be searching for?' Replaying what the annoying twins had said, one sentence caught his attention.
"Mech? What makes you think we're looking for a mech?"
'What else could they be looking for? A femme?'
Then it hit him, harder then a plasma ray to the face. 'The femme! The one that Barricade had protected from Runamuck and Runabout all those orns ago. She went after Barricade. That's what has the Autobots up and out of their hole.'
Starscream thought he was going to purge his tank at how disgustingly sweet the thought was.
'The little femme is chasing after her sweetspark.' His lip components pulled back into a snarl. 'Too bad he's too fragged up to be worth the effort!' He laughed out loud causing his wing mates to glance at him. The outburst wasn't given a second thought though, this was Starscream, and such actions were a common thing.
: We need to pay our 'friend' a little visit.: He sent through a comm. link. : But keep your optics sharp for the Autobot's little femme.:
: The one that Megatron had toyed around with back on Cybertron: Thundercracker asked.
: That very same one.: The commander replied. He wanted to find that femme; it would bring him such pleasure to watch how the Autobots squirmed while the useless thing was in his grasp.
--
Burnout came back to herself slowly, she felt warm, and although exhaustion still weighed her down, her spark felt content.
Activating her optics and attempting to move, a wave of panic washed over her when she found herself restrained. Looking down, Burnout instantly relaxed when her optics fell on the familiar paneling of Barricade's arms.
Barricade had both of his arms wrapped tightly around Burnout. In his attempt to keep the femme warm in her weakened state, he set Burnout between his legs with her own back against his chest, and arms wrapped protectively around her.
He awoke quickly though when Burnout came on line and had struggled momentarily against his grasp. Releasing her reluctantly, Barricade blinked in confusion when the femme remained seated. Even after all that they had shared, he expected her to move away, to get out of his reach. Instead she turned around to face him, her optics soft and a smile on her features. There was something odd about the expression she was giving him; there was trust in her optics.
Everything that had happened over the past week, starting with his decision to leave the Autobot base, only to get slagged by Starscream, then have Burnout find him and save him; it all felt so surreal. Still fuzzy from just coming out of recharge, the Decepticon couldn't even be sure what had been tangible and what had only been a fevered dream.
Thinking back to those wonderful moments when Burnout's presence had entered his CPU, he had thought she was a form from the matrix, come to guide his spark to the after life, all pain had disappeared and his spark felt peaceful. But then the pain resurfaced, cutting that hope down cleanly at the knees. But there was something else, something that made the pain not feel so… well, painful.
Slowly bringing his arms back up to engulf the femme. 'It was her love. Her love and acceptance that got me through the pain.'
Continuing to replay the hazy memories of what Burnout had done for him, Barricade looked over the femme's features in disbelief.
"You joined your spark with mine." Barricade whispered, completely flabbergasted by this fact. "After everything I did to you, you willingly sacrificed your energy to keep me online. You could've just let me pass when you realized that the transfer cable was not enough. You could've not even bothered to save me. You could've just remained back at the base."
"But I didn't, and I'm glad I didn't, because now we can be together."
The Decepticon was stunned into silence. 'Did she really want that? To be with me?'
'Of coarse she does, she wouldn't be here otherwise.'
"Now I know that deep down," Burnout placed her hand over his spark to add emphasis. "There is a spark, capable of caring, of even loving, beneath these chassis." Her violet optics looked up into his scarlet ones, causing the mech to inhale sharply. "And that love is for me."
Barricade stared down with wide optics as the femme in his arms tucked herself purposely against his chest, the side of her facial components lying directly over his spark. Delicately, afraid that if he so much as dispelled air too hard she would disappear, he completely enveloped her, holding her securely in place.
None of it had been a dream then, he hadn't been experiencing pre death hallucinations. He hadn't been sharing his dying wishes with an avatar of Primus. He had been asking forgiveness from the only one that he ever wished to receive it from, Burnout, the only one that mattered. The last being he ever thought he would receive forgiveness from, in yet, here she was. Cradled against his chest as if he were Primus himself, sent to save her from the world.
He would be that one, the one to keep her safe. He would be the mech that he thought she deserved. She was giving him the chance, and he'd be damned if he slagged it up this time.
Barricade wanted to remain like this forever, just let the world pass by them, but a feeling of foreboding suddenly made his already acute senses flare to alertness.
"We need to leave."
Burnout pulled back a little to look up at him, confusion evident on her facial component.
"But you're still so weak."
Barricade wouldn't hear it. He was sure that he was strong enough to stand and transform, he could handle moving.
"We're in danger here, we're too exposed."
"And we won't be exposed driving down the interstate?"
"We would be moving. The Decepticons know I'm here, should they come and check on me, they'll find you. I will not risk anything happening to you." He looked into Burnout's optics; they were concerned and even a little frightened. This affected him more then he was willing to admit. He was about to tell her not to be afraid, that he would protect her, but the femme's voice interrupted him.
"We should leave now then, the faster we get away from here, the better."
Relief flooded his spark that she agreed with him, he was happy that she was concerned, slag, he was happy that she was even here right now. Purpose suddenly swelled in his spark, he wanted to shield Burnout from everything that was bad in this world, he wanted to protect her from the war, and everything that might hurt her. He wanted her to be happy, and now he knew that he was the only one who could make her feel that way. This conclusion brought contentment to his own spark, happiness that he hadn't felt in a long, long time.
After a quick scan through his extensive GPS system, Barricade quickly found a road that didn't require them to climb back up the side of the mountain. Burnout had looked up at it and the height had sent shivers through every relay. She had fallen a long way; it was a miracle that she hadn't been damaged.
Thinking back, it had been a miracle that she had even found Barricade. 'Out of all the places he could have been… I just happen to get t-boned by some idiot, loose traction and get sent down the side of a cliff, stand up with hardly a dent one me and there he is.'
Burnout gasped when her chest tingled again, it was the same sensation and in the same spot where Crossfire had rested his hand. 'He helped, he must have.' She mused silently.
"I think your spark is pointing you in the right direction, had I been alive still I may not have agreed, but things are different when one is in the Matrix. You see things that the living do not."
'Thank you.' She silently called out into the blackness that had once been her link to Crossfire. She couldn't be sure if he heard her, but she could have sworn that a gentle touch brushed over her shoulders that had nothing to do with earth's air currents or the proximity of Barricade.
--
"Slag it! I can't see anything!" Starscream cursed as he and his two wing mates circled the dense forest that they had left Barricade to die in.
"You two stay here and keep a sharp optic out. I want to know if anything leaves or enters this forest. If it happens to be Barricade, terminate him."
"Sure thing boss." Skywarp replied, bored with the task already.
Thundercracker nodded.
The commander took off with a sonic boom; he needed to get a ground crew to enter the forest. 'Soundwave's cassettes would work nicely.' He thought as his sleek design cut ruthlessly through the clouds, their blood a vapor trail off of his wing tips.
"What a stupid day. I swear Screamer gets weirder and weirder every orn." Skywarp complained.
"Shut up and do your job." Thundercracker snapped.
"I am, it's called multitasking."
"You're not even looking the right way."
Skywarp mumbled a few choice words as he adjusted his wings and rotated in the air, but before he cast his optics downward to the ground below, something caught his remarkably short attention span.
"Cracker, you gotta take a look at this."
"Warp, how many times do I have to say it?" The Raptor with the blue wing tips started, turning to look at what had his wing mate so enthralled. "Stop calling me crack-" His optics narrowed in confusion and curiosity at the sight before them. "-er?"
Both seekers remained stationary, just staring at the odd, colorful, floating thing that had suddenly caught their attentions.
"What is it?" Skywarp questioned.
"To the pit if I know, it's another one of those strange human things."
As the two F-22's remained mesmerized by the hot air balloon; below them, a Mustang Saleen police cruiser, followed by a light blue Lotus Elise, slipped from beneath the forest's canopy and onto an open stretch of highway. The curves of the road quickly hid them from view as it sliced between the tall mountains that lay scattered amongst the vast landscape.
"Humans are weird." Thundercracker concluded, turning back toward the forest and resuming his 'guard duty'.
Skywarp agreed completely, but instead of returning to his duties, he remained transfixed on the colorful balloon. He wanted to blow it up, but couldn't figure out a way to go about doing so without the other jet noticing.