Rey can't stop looking at the door to the mess hall. Ben had said he'd meet her for dinner, but he still hasn't turned up. Sighing, she decides to dig into her meal; he's so strange about her eating enough, she figures he won't mind. And, if she's honest, it's not like she's particularly normal about food anyway.

She still can't believe that there's always food to eat. Whenever she wants something—she doesn't even have to be hungry—she can find it. Sure, it might be a ration bar, but even that's better than portions. She never wants to choke down another blue quick-bread as long as she lives.

And the food Ben keeps finding for her … it's better than anything she'd ever imagined. His dogged determination to provide her with a better life soothes over so many of the open wounds in her soul. He may be walking through hell right now, but the way he treats her, hell just the way he looks at her, makes her think that the fear that lives deep inside her will one day be quieted.

Where is he? She won't let her insecurity get the better of her, not when they're already dealing with Ben's demons. But she misses him. Being apart during the days is … difficult. And according to Rose, it's just going to get harder.

The reminder of what Rose had told her about her second trimester makes her cheeks heat. She already wants Ben so much, the thought of it growing even more intense is frankly terrifying. But Rose had been very blunt. "Oh, yeah, honey. You're gonna want to climb him like a tree for the next three months."

Except … she wants that now. Truthfully, she felt the first stirring of desire when he'd interrogated her in that awful chair. Stars, that had been confusing. She'd never experienced that swooping warmth in her belly, that almost violent twist of pleasure, until seeing his face for the first time.

Just thinking about him makes her muscles clench and she finds herself rubbing her thighs together in anticipation of seeing him. Only he can ease this ache. But he'd asked that they not take it any further. She might be ready to finally know what it feels like to have him inside her, but she doesn't think he is.

Plus, he'd been so resigned this morning. It was all she could do to coax him to kiss her. Once he'd accepted she really wanted it, he'd perked up, but she can't really imagine that he'll want much more right now. Even if she is getting rather desperate to feel him again.

She's almost finished with her meal and now she's truly worried. She'd told him he could reach out to her through the bond if he needed to communicate … Blinking, she realizes she could, too.

Gently, she follows that golden thread between them and calls out, "Ben," through the Force.

On the other end he's closed up tightly and she only gets a seeping feeling of emptiness, as if he's wrung out. "Ben … are you alright?"

He unfurls slightly and Rey is relieved to sense little sparks of hope woven throughout his sadness. The warmth in his energy wraps around her like a warm blanket. "I lost track of time. I'm sorry. Have you eaten?"

Rey smiles. Of course he'd focus on that. "Yes, I've had dinner. But I can still wait for you?"

"I'm … I'm with my mother. If you don't mind, I think I'll eat with her."

A pang of disappointment strikes at her heart. After everything that's happened she needs to be in his arms more than almost anything. But she knows it's a good thing for him to spend time with Leia. A very good thing. She doesn't quite know what to do with the flare of rejection that she pushes away quickly.

"Take your time." She puts a great deal of effort into making her thoughts neutral before she asks, "Will I see you later?"

"If you still want to." His words are threaded with shame and reticence.

"Of course I want to, Ben. I'll be in my room." She sends him a burst of affection and withdraws.

Walking swiftly to her quarters, she tries not to obsess over how distant he'd been.

Rey fades away and he suddenly wants to go to her. Right now. He knows he's pulling back from her; he's too afraid of hurting her again. Honestly, he should probably leave and not come back until he's untangled his mess of a head, but he can't. Being away from Rey just isn't an option.

Besides his own selfish needs, the last thing he would ever do is leave his twin stars in a middle of a war. He has to be here to protect them. There's a deceptive safety in this new base, but it's not enough to fool him. As long as Rey insists on being part of the Resistance, she'll never be truly safe. And, unfortunately, even if she were willing to leave, Hux would make sure she always had a target on her back.

"Son?" his mother queries, pulling him from his dark thoughts. They're still sitting in her office, across from each other.

"I was just speaking with Rey. I was supposed to have dinner with her, but …" His hands flail.

"We could ask her to join us?" Leia offers.

"She's already eaten. Besides … she probably needs a break from me anyway."

Leia frowns. "No, I don't think she does. Unless … do you need a break?" she asks with concern.

He looks up sharply. "No! I hate being away from her. But right now … I'm afraid. Afraid of myself, of what I might put her through."

Her expression grows soft. "Oh, Ben … some of that is unavoidable. You are going to hurt her. And she's going to hurt you."

Ben can't quite imagine Rey hurting him, but then he remembers how much she had hurt him on the Supremacy. Now though … everything between them has changed.

"That may be true," he says carefully. "But this is different. When I lose myself it has nothing to do with her."

She sits back and regards him thoughtfully. "I think it has quite a bit to do with her."

"No, no, it's always about me."

"They aren't mutually exclusive. Let me ask you something."

He remembers this version of his mother. That keen understanding of everyone in the room and he wonders what he's revealed to her unwittingly. "Alright," he agrees warily.

"Do you think you deserve Rey?"

He snorts loudly. "Gods, no."

Sadness eddies through her gaze, but she presses on. "Do you think you deserve to be loved?"

"I … " There are moments he wonders, when he gets it right and Rey smiles so brilliantly, but ultimately, how could anyone who has done what he's done deserve love? "No. No, I don't," he murmurs.

"And yet Rey loves you. I love you."

"I know," he says lowly.

His mother stands and begins to walk slowly around the room. "I like to think I'm pretty smart. And that Rey thinks faster than a blaster bolt. Do you really believe we would love you if you didn't deserve that love? Isn't it possible we see things that you don't?"

Just talking about this is making him nervous. He can feel his temper rising. He wants to scream that he's disgusting, vile, that he deserves nothing but pain. But he can't throw that in his mother's face. He can't question her judgement like that. It's a neat little trap and he just gapes.

Leia walks over to him and sets her hand on his shoulder, "Let's order dinner, shall we?"

He only nods dumbly. He has a lot to think about.

It takes her only a few minutes in her room to remember the state of Ben's quarters. She'd noticed how he'd delayed leaving her that morning and how quickly he managed to get ready. It had actually startled her when he'd returned to walk her to the hangar. Now though, she feels a bit dim for not comprehending it earlier. He doesn't want to face what he'd done to his own space.

She can almost hear Finn telling her that it's his disaster—he should clean it up. But she knows that it hurts him to see his own wreckage. To hell with what's right. She's going to fix this.

With the help of one loader, she'll be able to make short work of all of his destroyed furniture, dragging what she can lift and using the Force for the heavier items. Though most everything has been hacked to bits.

She wanders his room and pulls aside anything salvageable. Some of his clothes seem fine, though she decides to ask Leia for more clothing for Ben, all he has are the few outfits he'd purchased on Eshara.

But then … then she finds a small, soft blanket carefully folded and set in the corner. Her fingers glide over the soft surface and she takes in that it's scarred by his lightsaber; the fabric is tattered and burnt in places. It's a pale green and just the right size for a baby.

Rey tries to push away that Ben had already found something for their girl. It's so tender, so loving—and yet so heartbreaking that he couldn't keep from destroying even this. The fear is real as she re-folds this sad token of their situation.

But that … that's not why she's here. She's not going to parade his sins in front of him. No, what she's going to do is give him back some damned peace. He's been judged enough.

She's grunting and struggling with a new bed when he finds her. Her face is red and her muscles straining. All he can imagine is how this stress must be affecting their baby. "Rey! What are you doing?!" he barks disapprovingly.

Standing quickly, she drops the edge of the new mattress and her hands go to her hips. "Fixing your mess!" she snaps hotly.

"You shouldn't be lifting things like that! What about Little Star!" he bellows.

"She's fine! I'm not even showing!"

"So? You can't carry heavy things like that! What are you even doing?" he asks forcefully.

"I'm replacing the furniture you destroyed when you decided to have a temper tantrum instead of talking to me!" she yells. Then her face falls and she looks down. "I just … I wanted to get your room ready. I know it hurt you to see it."

In that moment he thinks he'd prefer the galaxy to swallow him whole. Now he sees the piece of patterned fabric she's draped over the mined wall he'd destroyed. Now he notices that everything he'd wrecked is all gone, replaced by new standard-issue furniture. Now he sees the carefully curated collection of his surviving belongings. Maker, he's disgusting.

"Rey, I'm sorry … I just worry so much about her, about both of you." Why does he never think before he speaks? If he'd just held his tongue until he understood, she wouldn't look so diminished and the self-loathing almost chokes him with its potency.

She gives a forlorn little nod and her air of defeat makes him feel even smaller, even more wretched. A huge part of him wants to turn on his heel and run away. His presence only inflicts more pain on his beloved.

Taking in a deep breath, he approaches her. He wants to hold her, to comfort her, but as he's the one who has hurt her, it doesn't feel like his place. Clenching his hands to keep from reaching for her, he offers, "Thank you. This was so thoughtful of you."

She looks up at him, her wide hazel eyes swimming with apprehension. "I just wanted to do something nice for you."

"And you did. I can't believe you put all of this effort into me."

She makes a face and says, "You do so much more for me … it was my turn."

"No … no," he croons. "You are the one who gives me so much. That you even allow me to speak with you is beyond generous."

Now she rolls her eyes. 'Ben, stop. I love you. That means I want to do things for you. It's not a competition."

He nods, knowing she's right, just as he knows he'll make it his life's work to give her everything he can, treasure her like the precious gift she is.

The silence stretches and he looks around, his eyes landing on a pile of bedding. He goes over to it and finds the sheets. Methodically, he starts to make the bed. Rey quietly joins him and together they soon have his bed ready.

Stepping back and regarding his now pristine room, he finds his courage and reaches for her hand. She immediately laces her fingers through his and he guides her closer, wrapping his other arm around her. "Thank you, Rey," he murmurs into her ear.

She pulls back slightly and looks up into his eyes. "I only wanted to help."

Taking her back into his arms fully he shudders out, "Gods, Rey … you do. I was so lost before you. And now … I feel like I might be able to finally find peace. Because of you."

"Were you … were you avoiding me?" she asks, her voice shaky and hesitant.

He takes her by the shoulders and moves her so he can hold her gaze. "No … no. I … needed to talk to my mother. And … and I thought you might prefer some distance. After last night."

Brows furrowing, she asks, "Why would you think that? What have I ever said that makes you think I want to be away from you? I hate being away from you."

Deeply, he breathes in a long breath. "Thank the Maker. I detest it. Everything makes sense when you're near."

Her lips form a small smile and she goes to her toes, kissing his cheek softly. As she pulls back, she whispers, "Then I should be with you as much as possible. Like right now. There's even a brand new bed to try out."

His cheeks heat and for a moment he considers side-stepping her suggestion. He's not quite sure either of them are ready to be connected like that. But then she begins to kiss down his neck and the battle is lost before he'd even surmounted his defense.

Her firm, small body pressed against his stokes his fire and now he's the one to nibble and suck along the slender column of her throat. It doesn't take long for all of his fears and inadequacy to fall away, lost in the sensation of Rey wanting him.

Finally delving into her mouth, he kisses her like he hasn't tasted her in months.

It's not long before they're both naked and moaning together on his bed, their bond singing out in delight.

Sated and warm, they laze together in a tangle, safely tucked away from everything and everyone. He'd prefer they stay like this forever. There's still so much for them to discover together, but being able to touch here there, feel her naked body against his, it's more than he'd ever dreamed of.

He goes up on his elbow and looks down on her extremely satisfied face. She'd been quite eager and he'd discovered he could bring her to her release several times. He's still feeling rather smug about that.

"You're so beautiful like this," he says with awe.

Rey scoffs and runs her hand through her hair. "I'm sure I'm a complete mess."

Grinning, he says, "Ah, but you're my mess, and such a delectable mess you are." He growls into her neck, biting her gently.

"Don't start again if you're not prepared to finish," she warns.

"Aren't we greedy," he teases as he pulls back to see her face. Her eyes slide away and she looks sheepish. "Rey? What is it?"

Biting her lip, she explains, "Well … it's just that Rose told me that women in their second trimester … they … uhm … they tend to … get greedy."

His brow shoots up at this. "So … this," he gestures between them, "Was just a side effect?" He can't hide the hurt in his tone.

"No!" she cries. "No. I've wanted this, wanted you for a long time, long before this. Please, please don't think otherwise."

"You're sure? How can you know?"

She purses her lips and strokes his face. "Ben, I only want you. That's how I know. If being pregnant just makes me … eager, any man would do. And I certainly don't want another man. Besides, can't you feel it through the bond?" she asks with a hint of fear.

Oh. She's right. The desire and love that floods him through their connection couldn't possibly be anything other than real. "You're right … I just … I couldn't bear it if I ever thought I was taking advantage of you."

Rey grins and shakes her head ruefully. "I seem to recall being the one to push you down onto the bed and rip your clothes off."

Well, she's certainly right about that. She'd had him naked in seconds and, Maker, he'd loved it. He smiles down on her and kisses her softly before shifting so he can again see her face. "I like it. I like that you want me," he admits.

"So it wasn't too much? After everything?" she asks cautiously.

"No … not at all. Honestly, I think I needed you like this. I feel … more whole, stronger, even."

Startling him, she manages to push him on his back and straddle him in one smooth motion. She braces her hands on his chest and her hair tickles his face as she looks down on him. "Well then that's our solution!" she nearly crows.

Her hips undulate against him and he's already growing hard again. Trying to focus on what she'd said, he asks, "Solution?"

"Every time you feel like you're going to lose your temper, we'll just get naked!"

Chuckling deeply, he pulls her down and kisses her firmly.

They don't get much sleep that night.

A/N: Thank you ArtemisBare! You are so essential to this journey.

Thank you Readers! It's so wonderful to be writing regularly again. Thank you all so much for your wonderful support!