Myrnin's POV
Claire was asleep when I arrived back at the lab. I could hear her steady breathing from her room despite the late hour of the morning. We had been up later than usual working on the circuit, trying to connect a kettle to the loop and boil it more than once without blowing the fuses. We had it working now though, and I used it to make a mug of tea for Claire. She would need it, with the news I brought.
I swirled the teabag, terrible bland stuff in a bag that Claire liked, and thought for a minute. Was I really going to tell her about her Shane? Tell her that I'd lied to her, and then beaten him until he'd shown his true colours, considerably different colours, I might add, to those that Claire thought he possessed. Was I really that cruel?
I picked up the mug, and carried it carefully through, silently setting it on the bedside table. Yes. Yes, I was.
Claire lay on her side; her hair, darker in the dim light, splayed across the plain white pillow like a banner at sea. She looked young, and peaceful, and I felt a swell of emotion at the sight; anger, possessiveness, love, protectiveness, everything. That was what Claire did to me. She made me feel.
And even if sometimes it was too much, if sometimes I couldn't really cope with it, I knew that Claire would always be there when I came back to myself. She had, in an alarmingly small space of time, become something that I wholly depended on. This only made it harder to tell her the truth. Because it wasn't a truth she deserved to hear.
"Claire. Claire, fy annwyl, wake up." I whispered it softly, half of me not wanting to her to, so I wouldn't have to tell her. I knew she couldn't walk out of my life, but she could still hate me, and that wouldn't be good for either of us. But she stirred anyway, her fingers stretching out towards me in sleepy demand. It warmed me a little, that she needed me too.
Two deep brown eyes blinked at me slowly as she fought a yawn and rolled onto her front, burying her face into her pillow. I wanted to give up and crawl in with her, follow her into human sleep and dreams, even just for a little while. But I couldn't, for so many reasons.
"Do I have to get up?" her voice was muffled by the pillow and a long night's sleep.
I couldn't say anything. Not yet.
I watched as the sleepy indifference and calm bled away. I watched her back stiffen and her face resurface from the pillow, her eyes flickering to me and then to the stake I knew was in her bedside drawer, judging her chances. I watched wariness flood into her eyes, the trust drowning there. It was heartbreaking how easily I could shatter it, how fragile we were.
But it was done now. I could continue.
"I visited Shane Collins." She sat up straight, eyes fixed, ready to jump in with her doubtless many questions. I held up a hand to pause her; if she stopped me I would never tell her. I was so very cowardly when it came to Claire. "I visited Shane Collins because Theo wanted you to, and I needed to know...why." It was a feeble and narrow excuse, and half a lie as well. Her eyes narrowed at me, and I felt ashamed under her stare. I clung to my resolution that I'd done this for her, that it was easier that I betrayed her and witnessed her white knight's fall myself rather than let her see it. That it was a kindness.
But Claire never did want my kindness where Shane was involved. Because despite everything he had put her through, a small stubborn part of her still loved him, and hoped that he'd come back for her.
I was about to wholly destroy that part.
"He's changed, Claire. He is not the man you thought he was-" She opened her mouth to interrupt and I covered it with my hand, warning her with my eyes. "If you don't believe me, I do have proof."
She looked so terribly vulnerable in that instant that it nearly broke my heart. She didn't want to know. She didn't want her last chance at a normal life to be taken away- more than that, utterly shattered before her. But I would do it anyway, because she needed to see. Theo had said that Shane's attachment to Claire could be his salvation or his down fall, but if he fell, he would take her with him. I wasn't willing to take that risk, not anymore.
So I took out the voice recorder device that I'd kept in my pocket during our meeting and pressed play. I watched her wince at the sound of him being slammed into the bars and I regretted letting my anger get the better of me. I saw the tears form in her eyes as he'd shouted and threatened me, and when it was finished I left, leaving Claire and the device in that room, and closing the door between us. I knew that she knew that there was only a sense of privacy. I couldn't see her, but I was aware of her in every other sense. I slid down the door into a seated position, leaning my back against it and resting my head in my hands, listening.
She played it again, once, and then threw it at the wall until it broke apart and died.
Claire's POV
Claire sat staring dry eyed at the mass of electrical scraps and wires. It was a strange thing to listen to a voice that she knew, someone she had trusted completely for a very long time and hear his anger and hatred- for Myrnin, for Michael, for Eve. He hated them.
And she didn't know what to do about that, because he didn't hate her.
Not yet, at least.
But listening to him yell at Myrnin, listening to the condemnation in his voice as he talked about Eve and Michael's marriage, it shattered every hope she'd had left. Every illusion that maybe they'd be okay if he found out about her and Myrnin was completely dissolved. There was nothing left to cling to because Shane was not the same person that she'd always thought he was. She was not the same person. And the people they were now were definitely not the loving, happy couple that they should be. Shane acted as though they were object and owner, and whether that was true of not, Claire did know that they were over.
Very definitely over.
But that left a big hole in her life that she wasn't sure how to fill. She'd been with Shane for two years; she'd been engaged to the guy, and now it was over. You need to talk to him. Tell him. But tell him what? 'Sorry, but you're an ass now, haven't you noticed?' 'Sorry, but I can't marry a guy who thinks he can attempt to kill me and my boss and then be forgiven immediately?' Somehow, in her head it sounded like she was being the unreasonable one. Like she was the bad guy.
'Sorry'. She wasn't sure what she was apologising for, but it just fit. She guessed that it was for stringing him along, in the end, even when she'd known deep down that they would never get back to where they had been. She'd known, really, the moment that Myrnin had sired her was the end of her and Shane. She just hadn't wanted to admit it.
Claire sat in silence for a bit longer, trying to get used to the fragile alone feeling that was suddenly being single. She didn't want to lose Shane from her life, because she still loved him. Another fault to humanity, she guessed- people always did love what they shouldn't. But Claire didn't know how; how to deal with it, how to say it, how to tell Eve and Michael that after everything they'd been through, she was giving up on Shane. That's what it felt like she was doing: giving up on him because the going had gotten too tough. It went against the grain, against the way she was wired, to just let it be. To not try and patch it together again like she had after the bite club. Like she had when he'd been arrested.
Eventually, the silence in her ended. She couldn't just sit and wait for... whatever it was that she was waiting for. She had to get up, and life would have to move on. She appreciated the distance Myrnin had given her, though part of her wondered if it was just because he didn't know what to do with her, either. And she didn't blame him for it. In the end, if Shane wasn't able to cope with this, with her, they wouldn't have lasted anyway.
She still had to talk to him, though. She owed him that much.
So Claire got up. She showered and dressed and even took the time to blow dry her hair, though she did feel a little dubious about the enhanced mechanism monstrosity that Myrnin had provided and used a little travel dryer that Eve had given her instead. All that done, she felt a little bit more prepared for the day. She now understood Eve's 'bad day= wardrobe craziness' way of dealing with life a bit better.
Myrnin was sat with his back against the wall next to the door when she eventually left the bedroom, his head leaned back as if he was looking to heaven. He didn't move except to flicker his eyes to hers.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, and it sounded a little bit like he was groping for the perfect thing to say, and finding that what he did come out with was not what he was after. It was a little bit adorable.
"Better." Claire tried for a smile, and Myrnin smiled back, rewarding the attempt if nothing else, and held out his hand. "Good." He said, as she helped him up. (Not that he needed the help, Claire knew. He was just feeling lazy)
"Good." He said again, seemingly at a loss for something to do. He was looking at her almost warily, judging the best course of action. Claire felt a strange heat in her cheeks as a blush worked its way up. She wasn't really used to having Myrnin be this careful around her, and it was... lovely. When he wanted to be, Myrnin could be genuinely sweet, and Claire felt a fluttering in her chest as he pulled her into a gentle hug.
She wrapped her arms around him and leaned into him, burying her face against his shoulder. Myrnin held her so very carefully, stroking her hair so softly she could barely feel it. He smelt of chemistry and knowledge and the lavender fabric softener that Claire had taken to washing all their clothes with, and as she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, Claire felt the tension in her shoulders leak away, and she felt closer to happiness than she'd felt all morning.
She felt loved and wanted, and she couldn't help but return the feeling.
She hated to ruin the moment, but she had to. She couldn't be like this with Myrnin, not with Shane sat in a cell, waiting for her. She needed to set things straight first.
"I need to talk to Shane." She whispered, not moving away from Myrnin simply because she didn't want to. She felt him stiffen against her and instantly regretted saying anything. But it was done now; she had to go through with it.
"Why, Claire?" Myrnin pulled back to look into her eyes, his own frowning in confusion and hurt. "I thought..." Myrnin stopped short and let go of her completely. "Never mind. But I am going with you." He voice was so authoritive that Claire didn't argue, and she waited almost patiently while he located his 'favourite coat'. She knew he was trying to stall for time, hoping that she'd change her mind. It was a pointless exercise, and after ten minutes he gave up, stalked across the room to the locked door that covered the portal there. He wrenched it open harshly in annoyance, and waited while the inky darkness swirled into shape, forming a... cleaning cupboard?
She must have voiced her surprise because Myrnin answered her without taking his eyes off the portal.
"It's the middle of the day, Claire. I don't particularly fancy wandering around in the sunshine, nor do I feel like explaining the two of us appearing in the middle of the reception. This is far more discreet." Myrnin said shortly. He was annoyed. Claire tried not to feel hurt by his sudden change of tune, but it was hard. She couldn't understand why he'd gone from caring to abrupt disdain, but she could see the vulnerability in his eyes when he looked at her. It didn't make it any clearer, but she didn't take his words to heart, and he was right. She was forgetting the fact that he was a vampire and that the midday sun would be uncomfortable, even if it wouldn't actually physically hurt him for such a short period of time.
The detention centre looked pale and plain and functional, as did the people in it. There were guards on by the doors and there were no windows. The artificial light gave a timeless, inescapable quality to the room.
The only colour in the white and grey room was the splash of the receptionist's deep red hair, pulled back into a sophisticated bun. The sharp hairstyle was such a contrast from the only other time Claire had ever met her that it took her a while to find the girl in her memory, though she was very definitely familiar.
The receptionist smiled brightly at Claire, and nodded familiarly with Myrnin.
"I'm glad to see you are fully recovered." She said pleasantly, and her voice sparked memory for Claire.
This was the vampire that had helped them when Myrnin had been shot.
The vampire carried on talking, inclining her head a little as she noticed Claire's sudden recognition. "And Claire. It's nice to see you well again, also. Visiting Mr Collins, I presume?"
Her voice was as capable, professional and yet interested and authoritive as Claire remembered. And weirdly, it was comforting to see someone she and Shane knew, even if it was just from a life and death struggle in a car park. Claire's mind skittered back to that day while Myrnin filled out the visitors forms and made polite, if somewhat disjointed, conversation about people Claire had never heard of with the receptionist. Again, Claire worried about Myrnin's behaviour, the nervous energy that seemed ready to spark at any moment. It was like being locked in a cage with a ticking time bomb and a faulty timer- it could go off at any second and without warning, escape impossible.
"Claire?" The receptionist's questioning tone and two sets of expectant eyes snapped Claire out of her thoughts. Myrnin looked worried.
"Maeve just asked how long you were expecting to be." He clarified. "Visiting officially ended half an hour ago."
Claire swallowed hard with the sudden realisation that she was about to tell Shane something that would most likely make him hate her, in literally a few minutes. She'd never done that to anyone before. She wasn't sure she knew how.
Realistically, she was likely to be in and out; she had no doubt that Shane would take it badly and that would be the end of it- she didn't have to stand there and discuss how unfair it was that she was subject to things that neither of them had any control over, and she didn't plan to. On the other hand, a small part of her held onto the hope that the familiar wouldn't be lost to her forever, that maybe Shane would just ask her to wait, that they'd cross that bridge when they came to it.
The hope that maybe he would still love her.
But it was only hope, and Claire didn't have the energy to cling to it anymore.
"10 minutes" she said, her voice cracking a little. This was going to be hard, for her and Shane, and Myrnin too. There wasn't a solution that would suit all three of them- or any of them perfectly for that matter. There was only damage control, and even that would be limited.
Maeve nodded sympathetically, and pressed a button on her desk, then turned and spoke coolly through a microphone.
"Lord Myrnin and Claire Danvers for cell C13 visitation. A C block escort and guard to reception, please."
And that was it. There was no going back now.
Despite the fact that Claire had no idea what to do with the new Shane, she knew she couldn't just dump him and leave. She couldn't help but think back to the bite club; she hadn't given up on him them, no matter what he accused her of or how tough things had gotten, she'd stood by him, and he'd pulled through. And maybe that was because of her and maybe it was because of Shane, but the fact still stood- she would always give him the choice. If he could accept her the way she was now, she would try. Because she loved the man he could be, and hoped he'd be himself again.
If he couldn't, then so be it.
As the escort, a broad shouldered brute of a vampire, led them to the C block visiting room, Claire's chest felt tight and her head hurt. She felt like she was walking inside a pressure unit on full. She'd never changed her life like this before. And it hurt.
Claire felt hyperaware of her surroundings and so she jumped when Myrnin's fingers brushed against hers, taking her hand in his. She gave him a startled look but he stared resolutely ahead with sad eyes. His fingers felt warm and solid around hers, giving her the strength to take a deep breath and square her shoulders. She walked purposefully, as if she knew what she was doing , as if she had a plan.
And even if it wasn't true and she was a scared and hurting inside, Shane would never know. She would get through this, and do whatever needed doing, because she was hurting both of them, and it had to stop. One way or the other.
So...yeah. Exams are over, and I don't want to know how badly they went, exactly. I hope everyone else's went well. This story is kind of drawing to a close soon, so please review, and let me know what you think of my mega long chapter, and any ideas for the next one. I want to know how everyone else thinks it should end, because I'm trying to narrow it down, ideas wise.
Just in case you were wondering (you probably weren't, but I was) this story is now almost officially a novel, due to the fact that it is a good what, 20, 000 words longer than Ms. Caine's Morganville novels? Just a fun fact, if anyone cares. :D
Also, if you're looking for an awesome Myrnin fic, check out 'Lasting Misery' by A Semblance Of Apathy. It's an expansion of what little Rachel Caine gave us of Myrnin's childhood and it is AMAZING and deserves a lot more attention than it's getting.