Ch 36
A/N: I know I missed giving everyone their Christmas present, but at least I managed to get you something before New Years ;) As always a great big thank you goes out to slenderpanda597 for being my beta with the parts I let her read early. Another goes to 13Sarah94 for listening to my incessant babbling as I procrastinated writing. But a huge thank you goes out to everyone who has read this and reviewed, or even hasn't reviewed. You all really keep me going. Thank you for your continued support. I hope you like this one.
...
"Vicky," a familiar voice echoed through Victoria's dream. Confused at the sound coming from the dark, bat looking dream figure in front of her, she looked at him curiously as she heard it again, "Vicky come on, wake up!"
The image in front of her vanished as she was pulled from her sleep and back to reality. Groaning, annoyed at being woken in the fashion she was, she turned over, covering her face with a pillow.
"Oh no you don't," she heard the voice say as she felt a sharp tug on the pillow and it was wrenched from her grip. "Victoria Katherine Knight you abso-bloody-lutely better get your arse up before I turn you into a pin cushion!"
Groaning once more Victoria slowly opened one eye to see Tonks glaring back at her.
"What is it, Tonks?" Victoria croaked out sleepily.
"I happen to be getting married today and I have nothing to wear!" Tonks shouted dropping down onto Victoria's bed next to her.
"What do you mean? Molly and Minerva made you a dress last week," Victoria answered, closing her eyes again.
"Not that," Tonks said waving her off as if that didn't matter, "I mean my hair. Nothing looks right. I can't find a single color that works for today!"
Sighing Victoria looked over at the clock she kept on her bedside stand and her eyes widened as she read it. "Tonks it's five in the morning, go back to sleep," she grumbled, turning over again and burying her head in a pillow.
"But Vicky I can't," she whined, shaking her friend's shoulders as she spoke. "The wedding is today!"
"Yeah, I got that the first time Tonks," Victoria's answer came out muted by the pillow.
"You're my Chief Bridesmaid! You're supposed to be helping me!" Tonks shouted near her ear.
Victoria opened her eyes just wide enough to glare at her, "I'm your only bridesmaid."
"Even more reason," Tonks retorted.
Sighing once again Victoria turned to her side staring up at Tonks with a look of surrender, "You're not going to stop until I get up, are you?"
"Nope," Tonks smiled back happily, knowing that she'd finally won.
"Alright," Victoria said throwing the blankets back and rising to a sitting position, "let's get this over with."
…
That evening Victoria stood in the middle of their living room with Remus, who looked the image of an anxious groom in his black dress robes that Victoria had bought him for the occasion. He was pacing back and forth, his head down in concentration. Finally he shook his head, "I can't do this Victoria."
"What do you mean?" Victoria asked straightening out a wrinkle in her ice blue dress that Tonks had chosen for the occasion.
He stopped in his tracks, raising his head slowly to meet her's, "I can't marry her."
"Remus, what's wrong?" Victoria asked, stepping over to him and placing a gentle, calming hand on his shoulder.
He shook his head again and took a step back from her, "I can't marry her Victoria. What kind of life is she going to have with me? I'm a werewolf."
Victoria sighed, "Remus we've been through this. Yes you are a werewolf, but you are also one of the kindest, gentlest men on earth."
"What if I hurt her? I could never live with myself," he said looking down, crossing his arms in front of him as if trying to give himself a hug.
"Remus," Victoria stepped over to him again, "there is no way you would ever hurt her. And even if you tried Tonks can take care of herself, she's a lot stronger than you give her credit for. She is an Auror after all."
"That's just it," he answered, his eyes now almost pleading with her, "she'll be rejected from all society. Her parents won't even talk to her now. She sent them an owl to tell them about today, but never got a reply." He gave a short laugh, "Not that I blame them, I'm old, I can't keep a job, and what parents would want their only daughter married to someone… with my… condition," he said sadly, looking completely deflated.
Before Victoria even had the chance to answer, they heard a knock at the door. She shot a sad look at him, but went to the door. Opening it without thinking she was startled to see who was there. She drew her wand when she saw a familiar, and unwelcome, face of Bellatrix staring back at her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone hard as her wand pointed directly at the woman's throat.
The woman raised her hands in surrender, pulling the hood of her travelling cloak down revealing hair which was a lighter brown compared to that which Victoria was expecting.
"Excuse me, but I am Nymphadora's mother, Andromeda, and this is her father, Ted. I believe we were invited here for a wedding today."
Victoria instantly turned a brilliant shade of red putting her wand away, "I'm… I'm so sorry," she stammered. "Please, come in."
Taking their cloaks she could definitely see what Tonks had spoken about with her parents. They certainly were an odd couple. Andromeda was in a beautiful orchid dress that clung to her figure perfectly without being distasteful. While Ted wore a faded tight brown suit that looked as if it's buttons were going to pop at any second under the immense strain.
Ted smiled at her, his big belly bouncing up and down as he chuckled, "You must be Victoria. Dora's told us you can be quite the spitfire."
Victoria nodded, "Yeah, again I'm sorry about that. I really thought you were…"
"My sister," Andromeda answered for her. "It's quite alright. You are not the first to make that particular mistake." Andromeda said haughtily, but gave a slight smile to indicate everything was in fact alright.
Ted broke the tension quickly. Walking over to Remus he gave him a jovial slap on the back and a handshake, "You must be Remus."
Remus looked at the man warily, "I am, sir."
"Now none of this 'sir' business, we're going to be family, son," Ted smiled.
"I apologize, sir… I mean Ted. I should have asked your permission, but given the circumstances…"
"Nonsense, nonsense! Anyone my Dora thinks is right is good enough for me," Ted said giving Remus yet another slap on the back, making Remus nearly lose his balance.
Another knock at the door interrupted their conversations. Stepping over to answer it once more Victoria pulled it open to reveal Kingsley.
"Evening all," he said, entering the room.
"Kingsley," Remus said making his way towards the larger, bald, black man, "thank you for coming."
"My pleasure Remus," Kingsley smiled back at him. "Are we ready to start?"
Victoria looked around at the small group and nodded, "I think so, let me just go get the bride." She quickly went over to her bedroom door and knocked, "Tonks, we're ready for you."
"Be there in a minute," a muffled reply came from behind the door.
"You won't be able to call her that for much longer my dear," Ted said to Victoria with a smile.
Victoria smiled and shook her head, "She will always be Tonks to me."
The click of a door opening caused them all to turn around, seeing Tonks step out for the first time. She was in a stunning shimmery white tea length dress that had tiny pearls sewn onto it. The scoop neckline showed off enough, but not too much. Her hair, which she'd fretted about all morning, was her customary bubble-gum pink spiraling down her back in gentle curls.
Remus held his breath as he saw the vision in white for the first time. Victoria smiled, knowing how beautiful her friend looked. Andromeda's eyes were sparkling with tears, and Ted beamed, ever the proud father.
Spotting her parents after a second she ran to them shouting, "Mum, Dad, you made it!"
"Where else would we be?" Ted asked pulling her into a crushing bear hug.
"We would not have missed it for the world," Andromeda smiled, giving her a much gentler hug.
"Thank you both so much. You don't know what this means to me," Tonks beamed back at the pair.
"Shall we?" Kinsley asked after giving them a moment.
Tonks nodded, taking Remus' hand, breaking him out of his trance. He couldn't help but smile back at her. His fear was suddenly gone and he couldn't wait for this beautiful woman to be his wife. Holding her hand in his he felt like all was right with the world, no matter what was going on outside. As long as he had her, nothing else mattered.
…
"Finally, we must say goodbye to two of our members tonight," Kingsley said solemnly. He had taken the place of Dumbledore at the head of the table at the Order meeting. "Hestia and Dedalus will be serving as escorts for the Dursleys once Harry's enchantment has broken. They are leaving us tomorrow. I am sure I speak for all of us when I say we are hoping for an end to this war so that you may join us again."
Around the table everyone smiled and nodded at the two who looked slightly uncomfortable from the attention.
Taking the attention away from them once more Kingsley spoke, "Good night and stay vigilant."
Three women; Victoria, Minerva, and Hestia, stayed behind as the others left the room. Minerva held little Carina, who was now five months old, in her arms. Minerva looked at Hestia with a smile, "How do you think Carina will do living in Ireland?"
Hestia gave a sad smile back, "Well she won't know any different. She's too little to remember England. Hopefully we'll be back before we have to worry about that though."
"Indeed," Minerva sighed, "This war has lasted far too long as it is."
"I just can't wait for it all to be over," Victoria chimed in from the other side of Minerva. "Are you already packed for tomorrow?"
"Yeah, just a few last minute things. There are some things for Carina I can't pack up yet," Hestia answered with a shrug.
"Yes Victoria, not everyone waits until the last minute," Minerva joked.
"That may be, but then I wouldn't have the excuse to have you come and pack everything up for me." Victoria laughed.
They all smiled, but remained quiet for a few moments, all watching the little one giggle and babble as she played with a stuffed unicorn. The tension was like a weight pressing against them. They had all already been affected by this war, but now losing another person seemed to hurt even more. Hestia couldn't help the tear that rolled down her cheek looking at her daughter.
Noticing this Victoria asked, "What's wrong?"
Hestia shook her head, wiping the tear away quickly, "It's just Sirius. I wish he could be here to see her."
Victoria nodded sadly, "He would have loved her. He always wanted a family."
"He would have made a fine father," Minerva said quietly.
Another silence fell over the small group. Victoria sat wondering whether Sirius would have stayed with Hestia once he found out about Carina. Minerva thinking about all the time she'd lost with her own daughter. She knew that Victoria had turned out fine, but couldn't help but wish to have that time back. Hestia was thinking of what she would do if the worst happened. She didn't want to think about it, but she knew, being in the Order, that there was still some potential that she could get killed. Watching how Minerva was with the little girl, she made her decision.
Hestia placed a hand over Minerva's, causing the older woman to look at her. Hestia looked at her seriously, "If anything happens to me, I want you to take care of Carina."
Minerva's eyes grew wide, "Surely you have some family…"
She was cut off by Hestia, "No, I want you to take her. I don't have any family left, and I know you didn't have a chance with your own child. I want to give that to you."
"Hestia, I can't…"
"Please Minerva," Hestia said looking at her beseechingly.
Minerva looked at Hestia, and then down at Carina who was smiling up at her. Finally she nodded her head, "Very well. If, Merlin forbid, anything should happen to you, I will take care of Carina."
"But nothing's going to happen to you," Victoria piped up quickly.
"That's right, this is all a worst case scenario," Minerva smiled, handing Carina back to Hestia.
Hestia smiled, "That's right. We'll be back before you know it. So Victoria can teach this one to be a strong woman and Minerva can teach her some discipline."
"Hey," Victoria said feigning annoyance, "are you trying to imply that I have no discipline?"
"You were the one who punched Umbridge in the face," Hestia answered easily.
"There was no proof of that," Victoria smirked.
"Nice try, Tonks did see you," Hestia laughed.
"Well according to the courts, there were no witnesses," Victoria countered.
"Ladies," Minerva broke in, "I'm afraid here is where we must part. Carina should be in bed, it's already after 10."
"Sounding like a mother already," Victoria laughed, "but she's right, you should get out of here. You're going to have a long day tomorrow."
Hestia smiled hugging them both in turn, "I'm going to miss you both so much."
"As will we you," Minerva answered, squeezing her back.
"Like you said, you'll be back before you know it," Victoria smiled encouragingly.
"We can only hope," Hestia said with a sad smile. "This isn't goodbye, it's see you later."
"See you later," Minerva and Victoria answered in unison, watching as Hestia left.
…
Victoria couldn't help the nervous energy that seemed to permeate the air around her as she waited. Glancing up at the clock again, for what seemed like the hundredth time that hour she got to her feet and went to the refrigerator. She wasn't really looking for anything, but she couldn't handle sitting any longer. Not finding anything she slammed the door shut once more and leaned against it. Looking at the clock yet again, it hadn't even been a minute since she'd looked; she sighed and shook her head.
Dung and Moody should have been there an hour ago, but as of yet there was no sign of them. She could only imagine what had happened that night; she only wished that she had gone with them. She had offered to go, but Moody had told her they needed her flat as a safe house instead. She didn't buy into his excuse, but had to accept it seeing as how they couldn't get another volunteer to be Harry.
However, it wasn't like her to sit back on the sidelines during a fight. She wanted nothing more than to have been there herself. She seriously thought about tagging along on her Firebolt after Remus and Tonks had left that night. 'What could Moody have done then?' she thought to herself. 'I would already have been there; it wasn't like he could have kicked me out then.' But she'd chosen to concede his request and stay there.
The minutes seemed to tick by in slow motion as she sat idly and waited. Finally after another half hour of waiting she couldn't take it any longer. She needed to know what had happened and she needed to know now.
Apparating to the Burrow where everyone would eventually wind up, she found the gardens to be completely silent. Making her way to the house she entered, finding everyone gathered in the sitting room. George was laid out on the sofa, his clothes covered in blood and his ear missing. He seemed to be the first to notice her and smiled, a complete change from the grave expressions on everyone else's face. She looked at him in horror, "What happened to you?"
"Felt like letting Mum have a way to tell me and Freddy apart."
She chuckled, but still looked at him sadly, "I see you've done it."
Fred nodded at her, "Miss Knight, come to join the mourners have you?"
She looked at him curiously, "The mourners?"
Tonks gave a soft cry and threw her arms around Victoria, "He's gone Vicky! Moody's gone!"
"What?" she breathed barely audible, looking up at Remus pleadingly, begging him silently to contradict them.
He shook his head, handing her his glass of Firewhisky, "It was Voldemort himself. There was nothing anyone could do."
Victoria felt tears start to prick behind her eyes. It couldn't be true, not Moody. He was stronger than anyone she knew. She downed the liquid quickly, willing the tears away. She couldn't think about it now, she just couldn't break down yet.
A thought occurred to her that made her heart sink even further, "Has anyone told Poppy yet?" her voice cracking slightly as she asked.
"No dear, we just found out ourselves a few minutes ago," Molly answered. "I really should send her an owl though."
"No," Victoria said firmly, swallowing hard. "I'll do it. I'll tell her."
"Are you sure dear? Do you want me to go with you?" Molly asked concerned.
"No, I can do it. Just tell me exactly what happened." Victoria answered squaring her shoulders, preparing herself for one of the hardest things she would ever have to do.
…
Holding her breath for a moment, Victoria leant her head against the cold wooden door to the hospital. She knew what she had to do, but it wasn't a job she was looking forward to. How was she supposed to tell her friend that her husband was dead?
Letting out a slow deep breath she opened the door, knowing that the only way to do it was to be straight forward. Entering the room she saw Poppy busying herself with some potion bottles, humming softly. Victoria closed her eyes, taking in another slow breath, trying to contain her emotions as she walked up to the older woman.
"Poppy," she said gently.
Poppy to turned towards her with a smile, "Victoria, what are you doing here? Get bored sitting home?"
"No, actually I just came from the Burrow."
"Where is Alastor? He was supposed to be home an hour ago." Poppy smiled and shook her head, "Just like the man, always expect at least two hours after he tells me."
"Poppy," Victoria's face took on a grave look, "Moody's not coming home tonight."
"What do you mean?" she asked confused.
Victoria took the bottle from her hands, "Poppy, Moody didn't make it."
"What are you on about?" Poppy asked still not fully understanding.
"Come here," Victoria said taking Poppy's arm and making her take a seat on one of the cots. "Poppy," Victoria paused for a moment, "Alastor is dead."
"No," Poppy breathed, her eyes growing as wide as saucers.
"He was hit by a curse from Voldemort. I'm sorry, there's nothing they could do." Victoria said slowly, tears starting to prick at her eyes once more.
"But he's an Auror, surely he would have…" Poppy's voice cracked and then faded out.
"I'm sorry Poppy." Victoria placed a comforting hand on Poppy's.
Poppy collapsed onto Victoria, Victoria knew there was nothing she could do for her friend, but that just made her job even harder. The tears started streaming down her own cheeks. Moody may have been a hard instructor, but she owed her life to the man. He'd saved her more times than she cared to think about. She suddenly felt like she'd lost her father all over again and she didn't know how she was going to pick herself up again.
Poppy cried like she hadn't since her parent's death years before. She felt like the world was literally crashing down around her and there was no way to stop it. She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe, she simply knew that he was gone. Her rock, the person that kept her going when she didn't think she could any longer wasn't there. She felt like she'd never be whole again.
…
After several hours, Poppy finally cried herself to sleep, allowing Victoria to leave as Poppy slept on in one of the cots in the hospital. Making her way out of the hospital Victoria could feel her anger surge. She became a woman on a mission, her footfalls landing heavily on the stone floor and echoing loudly. Even the portraits on the walls knew she was not a woman to be trifled with, each one cowering in their frame as she stalked past. Thunder started to rumble menacingly outside making her wonder if it was in fact her doing since sparks were already shooting from her fingertips. Stepping in front of the gargoyle she realized that she didn't know the password that Severus had set up since becoming the new headmaster, but at that moment she didn't really care. Raising both hands she blasted the monster away without a second thought, scattering bits of stone all across the corridor. Advancing up the stairs at a great pace she made it to the door in record time. Not even taking the time to knock she threw the door open, letting it slam against the wall.
Not wasting a moment she entered the room, seeing the familiar outline of Severus standing at the window on the other side of the room. His eyes shot to her as the door continued to rattle against its frame. Pointing at the annoying sound Victoria shut the door with a bang sounding like a gun shot. His face was unreadable as she stepped up to him and drew back her hand, slapping him hard across the face.
He didn't react, didn't even try and pull away as she did the same once again with the other hand.
"How could you Severus?!" she yelled drawing back her hand once again and connecting with his already reddened cheek.
He didn't answer, he simply continued to stand there letting her hit him.
"They trusted you! We all did!" she screamed punctuating each statement with a slap. "How could you hurt George?" How could you let Moody get killed!?"
Those words seemed to shake him out of his trance. As she pulled back once more he grabbed her hand. Struggling she tried again with the other side and found herself stopped by his slightly stronger hand once again. He didn't say a word as she continued to glare at him, "You coward, fight back!"
He continued to hold her hands and let her struggle until he could feel her anger start to ebb. Finally he let her go as she collapsed onto the floor weeping.
"How could you Severus? How could you?" she sobbed into her hands.
He pulled her back to her feet and put his arms around her, letting her bawl into his chest.
It took a few minutes for the tears to subside. Once they did, she looked back up at him, her eyes red and her face blotchy. "Why Severus?" she asked simply, her voice cracking.
"It was unintentional," he answered coldly.
She continued to look up at him imploringly, "How?"
"When I sent the spell it was at another Death Eater. They had gone around me and were about to take George. I sent the spell at the Death Eater's hand, but Remus swerved at that precise moment or there would have been no issue," he stated his expression, begging her to believe his words.
She shook her head, "But if you knew there could have been a chance…"
"Victoria, you and I both know if I would have wanted the boy dead, he would be," Severus answered plainly.
She closed her eyes as the realization that Moody was dead once again over took her. Her body began to shake once more with sobs, "Moody's dead. How can he be dead?"
"We all knew Mundungus to be untrustworthy," he said, wrapping her in his arms once again.
"But he's gone Severus! Moody's dead," her cries muffled as she said it into his chest.
"He is, however I am not the one to blame."
"I know," she sniffled sadly looking up at him. "But that doesn't make it any easier."
He didn't say anything, but unconsciously started to stroke her hair comfortingly. They stayed that way for a long moment, until she stiffened under his hand as she realized how close they were. Recognizing how uncomfortable they both were suddenly with their close proximity he took a step back.
"So what does this mean for us?" she asked in a voice just above a whisper.
"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyes widening slightly.
"For the Order," she elaborated quickly. "Are you officially one of them now?"
He nodded sadly turning away from her, "That is what the rest of the Order must think. I cannot go back to them now. My loyalties cannot be questioned."
"So where do your loyalties lie?" she asked cautiously.
He spun around, his eyes ablaze, "You know where they lie!"
She studied him for a second, "Do I? Because there are times that really make me wonder."
He stepped up to her, taking her shoulders so that she couldn't back away, "My loyalties lie with yo…" he fumbled for a moment, but caught himself just as quickly, "Dumbledore and always will." He released her and turned away once again.
She smiled in spite of herself. Stepping closer to him she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Thank you Severus."
He turned around once again; his dark eyes connecting with hers spoke more than either could voice.
She nodded again and stepped towards the door, "I have to go. Please take care of yourself."
He nodded once and turned back to the window as she closed the door once more behind her.
…
One week later Victoria found herself seated at the scrubbed wooden table in the middle of the Burrow. Another Order meeting was set to begin in just a few minutes. Looking around the room she could hardly call it an Order meeting with how few people were in attendance. The room consisted of the Weasleys; Poppy who was still obviously in mourning wearing a black cloak and her eyes still red rimmed from crying; Remus looking like he hadn't slept in a week with dark circles under his eyes; Tonks who's hair had changed to a sickly green indicating she wasn't feeling well; Minerva looking as strict as ever, Kingsley taking some time off from watching over the Prime Minister, and herself.
Just then Kingsley stood up indicating the beginning of the meeting. "Evening everyone. This will be a brief meeting, as I only have a few minutes." He paused taking a look around the table, "As you all know Harry and his friends Hermione and Ron have gone into hiding." Molly gave a strangled sob at the sound of her youngest son's name. Kingsley went on, "We have reason to believe that they are on a mission given to them by Dumbledore. While I'm sure we are all worried for their safety, I am certain they will do what is necessary for them to succeed in this endeavor." He paused, changing subjects quickly, "On another note, as we have feared, the Ministry has been taken over. For this reason, both Miss Knight, and Miss Tonks have chosen to go into hiding, starting tonight."
"Bloody right we are!" Tonks blurted.
Victoria nodded, "You would too if you were bringing in Muggle borns for questioning."
"Does anyone else have anything to add?" Kingsley asked glancing down at his watch.
Receiving nothing but silence he nodded once more, "Very well, then we shall leave it here for tonight. As always stay vigilant, and take care everyone."
With that he apparated out leaving everyone still seated at the table. Molly jumped up starting to get things ready for supper.
Looking over at Tonks sitting on her right Victoria noticed the green hair for the first time, "Are you ok?"
"Yeah," Tonks said a little too quickly making Victoria even more curious.
"Tonks what's wrong?" She asked giving her a serious look.
Tonks shrugged, rubbing her stomach, "I don't know," she finally conceded. "I haven't been feeling well for a while. I think I'm just coming down with something."
"Why don't you let Poppy have a look at you?" Victoria offered nodding to Poppy sitting across the table from her.
Poppy's head perked up at the sound of her name, "What's that?"
"Nothing," Tonks said quickly.
Victoria shook her head, "Tonks isn't feeling very well. Can you see what's going on?"
Poppy didn't say anything as she pulled out her wand and pointed it at Tonks. Poppy looked at the paper in her hands then back at Tonks. Pulling the paper away Poppy looked at her curiously, "Tonks, how long have you been sick for?"
"I don't know. I've been a bit queasy for a week or so. Why?" She asked looking at Poppy confused.
"Anything else out of the ordinary?" Poppy asked, her face as serious as stone.
"I've been more tired lately, but I just thought that was from all the work we've been doing," she answered with a shrug.
"What about that dizzy spell you got yesterday. You nearly dropped your wand and you'd have landed on the ground if I wouldn't have caught you." Victoria piped up.
"Would you just tell me already Poppy?" Tonks asked annoyed.
Poppy couldn't contain her smile any longer, "Congratulations, you and Remus are going to be parents."
"What?" Remus asked from her other side.
Tonks beamed, throwing her arms around him, "I'm pregnant! We're going to have a baby!"
The rest of the people in attendance gave their warm wishes and words of encouragement for the rest of the evening as they enjoyed their time together.
…
Supper had finished a little while before and most of the Order had already apparated home or moved into other areas of the house. The kitchen of the Burrow was suddenly empty except for Victoria sitting at the scrubbed wooden table. The sounds of various people reached her in muted voices from other rooms. The usually strong woman sat with her head in her hands, tears streaming silently down her face. The weight of the last few months proved to hit her all at one time.
A few minutes passed in silence, until she heard footsteps just outside the door. Wiping her cheeks quickly she turned away, knowing if anyone saw her they would instantly realize she'd been crying. As she rubbed the last remnant of her tears away she heard a voice behind her. "Oh Victoria, I thought you'd left," Minerva said in a tone of surprise.
"No," Victoria answered, her voice still thick with tears. Clearing her throat quickly she added, "I was just going to make some tea," getting out of her chair, turning her attention to looking for tea.
Minerva gave her a skeptical look, "For as long as I have known you, you have never been one to drink tea."
"Yeah… well… I figure I've been in England long enough, I might as well get with the culture." She answered, still not turning away from her search.
"Victoria," Minerva said more gently, moving to put a hand on the younger woman's arm. Victoria stilled, turning to face Minerva, her eyes starting to fill once more with tears. Minerva saw the look and immediately pulled Victoria to her, "What's wrong?"
Victoria hugged Minerva, holding onto the older woman as if her life depended on it. Tears cascaded down her cheeks, spilling onto Minerva's shoulder. Taking a shaky breath she managed to say, "I'm sorry Minerva. I just… I can't help it."
Minerva held her, stroking her back and whispering, "It's okay. Shush, it'll be okay."
Finally sniffling and taking a deep breath, Victoria pulled back from Minerva, wiping her cheeks again, "I'm sorry."
Minerva gave her a kind smile, tucking a stray hair behind Victoria's ear, "It's alright my dear."
Victoria shook her head vehemently, throwing herself into a chair, "No, I don't usually break down like this, that's just it."
"What was it that caused this bout of melancholy?" Minerva asked, pulling a cupboard open and taking out a box of tea.
"It was nothing really." Victoria answered, her head falling onto her arms which were folded on the table.
Taking a tea kettle and filling it in the sink, Minerva countered, "It was obviously something."
Shaking her head which was still resting on her arms Victoria said in a muffled voice, "It's stupid."
Minerva put the kettle on the stove, turning it on, and took a seat next to Victoria, putting a hand over her's. "Victoria, what happened?"
Victoria pulled her head up from her arms and gave Minerva a serious look, "What's it like?"
Minerva looked at her curiously, "What is what like?"
"Love," Victoria said quietly, almost nervously.
"What do you mean?" Minerva asked, still confused.
"What's it like to be in love with someone and to have them love you back?" Victoria asked, searching the older woman's face.
Minerva was caught off guard by the question. Unable to answer for a minute she was luckily pulled away by the loud whistle emanating from the kettle. Flying out of her seat and to the stove Minerva pulled the kettle away quickly. Continuing to consider the question she poured the hot water into two mismatching cups she found and added the tea leaves. Turning around finally and handing the cup to Victoria she finally asked, "What is this about?"
Sighing Victoria looked down at her cup, "Like I said, it's stupid. I should be happy really. My best friends have found the loves of their lives and are starting a family. It's the best time in the world for them. So why shouldn't I be happy?"
Minerva gave her a slight smile, "It is perfectly natural to feel a bit envious."
"I do wish only the best for them. I know they both deserve to be happy. After these last few years we all deserve to find some happiness." Victoria said, still not raising her eyes from her cup.
Minerva nodded, "And you are wondering when it will be your turn."
"I know it sounds selfish, but I can't help it." Victoria let a single tear trail down her face.
Minerva put her hand over Victoria's again, "You will have your time my dear."
Victoria shook her head, "I don't have high hopes. I don't exactly have the best track record in that department."
Minerva gave her a quizzical look over her cup.
"Do you know why I loved teaching?" Victoria asked after a few moments.
"I assumed you merely liked to teach." Minerva answered simply.
Victoria shook her head, another tear slipping from her eye, "No, I loved it because each time I saw those kids I couldn't help but think they could have been mine."
Minerva gave her a quizzical look, but chose to remain silent.
Heaving another sigh Victoria explained, "When I was fifteen I was in a relationship with a guy who started out being one of my good friends. I was young and he was the first boy that was ever interested in me. I thought that everything was perfect; I was more than a bit naive. One night he took me into the desert and… well… he basically forced me into it. A few months later I found out I was pregnant and my parents made me have an… an abortion." Victoria paused, swallowing hard, tears forming in her eyes once more. Minerva placed a hand on Victoria's arm comfortingly as Victoria continued, "I never thought I would get over that."
"That simply shows how strong you are, going through that kind of adversity and being able to overcome it." Minerva smiled.
Victoria nodded, "Yeah." Victoria paused, taking a sip from her cup and grimacing slightly, "I don't think I'll ever become a tea drinker."
Minerva gave a slight laugh and watched as Victoria pushed her cup away from her. Looking up at Victoria she asked, "Are you willing to give up on finding someone because of one horrible person?"
"I wish it stopped at him." Victoria answered. Minerva watched as she stood, making her way to the fridge, pulling out a Butterbeer and uncorking it. Then turned back to Minerva, "I just want to know what it is with me attracting my friends."
"What do you mean?" Minerva asked, watching as Victoria took a sip from her Butterbeer and closed her eyes smiling.
Victoria turned back to her, becoming serious once more, "I hate talking about it. I mean the man just died last year."
Realization dawned in Minerva's eyes, "You mean Sirius?"
Nodding Victoria took another sip, "He told me he loved me, twice actually."
"Is that so?" Minerva gave a slight smirk.
"Yes, and now I feel absolutely horrible. I didn't even give the man a chance. He was one of my best friends, but I just didn't feel that much for him. At least I didn't feel what I think I should have." Victoria answered, her head falling into her hands ashamedly.
"You did the right thing if you didn't feel for him what he felt for you. It would have been worse for both of you if you would have gone against your instinct."
Victoria didn't look up as she said, "I know, but I feel like I should have given him a chance."
"We often have regrets when someone we care about dies, but that does not mean you did not do what was right for both of you." Minerva said sincerely, "And where would Hestia be if you had not said no? Little Carina would not exist."
"I know." Victoria answered, pulling her head back up. "She is a great kid, and Hestia did deserve to be happy, even if it wasn't for long."
"So why is it that you still feel that you will not meet someone else?" Minerva asked easily, taking a sip from her cup.
Victoria took a long pull from her Butterbeer, wanting to postpone her answer for as long as possible. Sighing she answered quietly, "I already found the one I want."
Minerva nearly missed what she said. It took her another second for her words to register. Minerva's head snapped up, "Who is it?"
Victoria shook her head, "It doesn't matter. He doesn't want me."
"How can you be certain?" Minerva asked studying her.
"Because he's in love with someone else," Victoria lamented, dropping her head onto her crossed arms again.
"Oh," Minerva said, not entirely sure how to answer.
"Which wouldn't be so bad, but the woman he's in love with is dead," a muted voice said icily from Victoria's arms.
"And he cannot get past her." Minerva said, as if finishing Victoria's statement.
"Exactly. To top it off, she was married before she died. I don't know why he still holds so tight onto her memory, but he does." Victoria said resting her chin on her arms.
Starting to put the pieces together, but still unsure if she was correct Minerva asked, "Who is this person?"
Victoria buried her head in her arms yet again, but a muffled answer reached Minerva's ears a moment later, "Severus."
Minerva sat in silence for a moment, not entirely believing her ears. Although it was true Severus was in the Order and he had been a teacher at Hogwarts for many years, he couldn't deny that he had been a Death Eater and he'd let Death Eaters into the school. Setting all this aside Minerva looked down at her daughter. She understood the woman's pain completely. It hadn't been long ago when she felt the same about Albus, but was too afraid to tell him. Minerva gently stroked Victoria's hair soothingly, saying, "Well then, Severus is a lucky man."
Victoria shook her head, raising it again, "Lucky man or not, I can't do anything about it. He loves Lily and he has for a long time."
"He may get over her." Minerva said gently.
"If he hasn't after this long, I don't think he ever will."
"He may surprise you," Minerva smiled brushing Victoria's hair behind her shoulder.
"I'm not getting my hopes up. I just wish he could feel half as much for me as he does for her." Victoria sighed, "I think I'm just destined to be alone."
"You are still young, he may come around."
Victoria gave a slight laugh, "I'm almost forty Minerva."
Minerva waved her off, "That means nothing. Witches live longer than Muggles. You still have time."
Victoria shook her head, but didn't argue. Taking a long drink from her bottle she looked back up at Minerva. "Thanks for listening Minerva. I guess I should go. Tonks and Remus will be wondering where I am," Victoria smiled and apparated away.
Minerva smiled, "Thank you for talking to me," she said to no one in particular.
…
"Vicky!" a frantic scream from the sitting room woke her instantly from her sleep the next morning. Sitting up straight she tried to determine who was screaming when she heard it again, "Vicky!" This time she realized it was Tonks. Throwing the blankets from her she bolted into the next room, her wand drawn, expecting to see a Death Eater. What she saw instead was Tonks curled up into a little ball, tears streaming down her face and a piece of crumpled parchment in her hand.
"He's gone. Remus, he's gone," Tonks wailed.
"What do you mean he's gone?" Victoria asked pulling Tonks back up and onto the sofa with her.
Tonks handed the parchment to her and crumbled onto Victoria's lap.
Victoria read the parchment over a few times not believing what she was seeing.
Dora-
You know I love you more than anything in the world. That is why I must do this now. I have already hurt you far beyond repair. You have been shunned by everyone and have had to endure the pain of being with me while I've changed. So now it is with a heavy heart that I must leave you. It is the only way for you and the baby to be safe. I do not want my child living with a father they must be ashamed of. I am sure your parents will be more than willing to take you and the baby in. Please think no more of me, simply pretend that I died with Moody.
I will always love you my darling Dora, even though we must now part,
Remus
Victoria shook her head fervently. "That… idiot! How could he! He just left! He didn't even have the… guts to tell you himself!" she spat looking down at the parchment once more.
Tonks continued to sob, unable to speak.
"What does he say here, 'He doesn't want the child living with a father they'll be ashamed of?' well I'm ashamed of him now!" Victoria exclaimed throwing the parchment onto the table in front of her.
Pulling Tonks into a sisterly hug Victoria stroked her back, "It's okay Tonks."
She wept for a while longer, unable to speak. Finally Tonks hiccupped, "He doesn't mean it. He doesn't know what he's saying."
"I'm sure he'll be back once he's thought about it." Victoria said comfortingly, even though she wasn't entirely sure about her words.
"He will," Tonks sniffed, "but I won't be. If he wants me to go to my parents then that's where I'll be."
"But Tonks…"
"No! He wants me to tell them what a right prat he's being, then fine. He'll not only have me to deal with when he gets back, he'll have to answer to them!" Tonks shouted returning to her and Remus's room and slamming the door behind her.
…
Later that afternoon Victoria heard a knock at her door. She had a pretty good idea of who it was as she made her way towards the door. Opening it, her face turned stony as she saw him standing in front of her. He looked exactly as she'd expected. His long, lanky frame hunched over in defeat, his hair tousled as if he'd run his fingers through it multiple times, and the scars on his face becoming more pronounced with his hangdog expression. "Can I come in?" he asked softly.
"No," Victoria answered icily.
"I'd like to apologize," he looked at the ground as he spoke.
She shook her head, "I'm not the one you need to apologize to."
"I'd like to apologize to her as well."
"She's not here," Victoria's tone dripped venom.
His head shot up at this, "Where is she?"
Victoria gave a short, humorless laugh, "Where did you tell her to go?"
"She actually went to her parents?" He asked incredulously.
Victoria nodded, her jaw set, "That's right. Good luck explaining this one to them."
She moved to shut the door, but Remus put a hand out stopping her, "Can I say here?"
"No," Victoria's voice held even more of the acidic tone.
"Where am I supposed to go?" He asked looking like a lost child.
"To your wife would be a good start! She just spent the entire morning crying because you left her!"
"I didn't mean to cause her anymore pain," he said quietly, unable to look her in the eyes.
"Then what the hell were you trying to do?!" Victoria spat.
"I was trying to protect her," he answered sadly.
"From what?"
"From me. I can't let her be hurt by me any longer. She deserves better."
"She deserves to be with the man she loves! And that baby deserves to be with it's father!" Victoria shouted.
"You don't understand." He hung his head again.
"No you don't understand. Your parents were always there for you even after you were bitten. Do you really think that child deserves to grow up without a father?"
He didn't respond, merely keeping his eyes on his shoes.
"Remus, go to her. She loves you," Victoria said looking over his sad demeanor, "And Merlin knows she'll take you back even though you've been a moron."
"You're sure?" he asked, hope seeping into his tone.
"Well I certainly won't, so I guess you'll have to try your luck with her, or find somewhere else to sleep." Victoria said slamming the door closed again, this time more for show, knowing that he was ready to go back to her. She smiled to herself knowing that they were both going to be ok. It might take a while, but they'd make up.