"Santana, drink it," I said sternly as I held out a small measuring cup full of an orange liquid. Santana wrinkled her nose at me as she grimaced. I raised my brow and stared at her until she took the cup from me.
"Where's my spoonful of sugar?" Santana asked, glancing around as if I had sugar sitting somewhere among the covers of her bed. I held my gaze and she puckered out her lower lip. She let out a soft sigh and rose the cup to her lips. After she had finished drinking all of it, she made another face and opened her mouth a few times as her tongue scraped against the roof of her mouth. I took the cup from her and leaned forward to kiss her softly on the lips.
"Better than a spoonful of sugar?" I asked as I withdrew. She nodded timidly and then wiggled further beneath her covers. A smile spread over my lips as I pulled at the blankets to ensure she was covered and cozy.
"I'm already feeling a lot better-" She was cut off by a small fit of coughs, and she twisted to cover her mouth. I lifted my hand to brush gently through her hair.
"I just want you to rest and relax," I said softly. She looked up at me weakly and I leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "It's the only way you're going to get better."
"Britt, I can't call out of work anymore," Santana croaked. "I just can't miss more work."
"You have enough time to sleep some more before you have to go," I said and dragged my fingers to comb through her hair again. "When you wake up, if you're feeling well enough, then you can go to work. Quinn said she called Tina already and gave her the heads up."
"...Fine," Santana grumbled. She shifted in the bed, laying flat on her back. I took her hand in mine and stroked my thumb over her fingers gently. Her skin was so soft, even on her hands. It was entrancing. I think I could get lost in staring at all the little things about Santana. I didn't know everything yet, but I was learning. Learning Santana was so easy though. It wasn't hard to know the velvety sound of her voice or remember the way her nose would crinkle when she was trying hard not to laugh. It wasn't the sort of learning I had trouble with, like memorizing dates and events in history. The only thing that was difficult about Santana was that no matter how much I learned about her and memorized her and remembered her in my head... she was a million times more amazing in person.
"Hey."
I looked at her and almost recoiled from her touch when she lifted her hand out of mine to gently run her fingers over my cheek. She gazed up at me and smiled. Even though she wasn't feeling well and you could see it was wearing her down from how pale her cheeks had gotten, she still looked amazingly pretty. I was so envious that Santana always seemed to look stunning. Maybe I just thought that because I loved her.
"Thanks," she said. Her voice was quiet and shy, but she kept her hand pressed to my cheek. She must have sensed my confusion, because she let out a small chuckle and continued. "For taking care of me, Britt-Britt."
"I didn't do anything," I said, equally, if not more quiet than she had spoken. "Quinn and Rachel made you soup. All I did was set the stove on fire."
Santana let out a single, sharp laugh that she tried to stifle as she pulled her hand away from my face. I felt my cheeks flush and I looked down at the comforter again.
"Britt, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh," Santana said swiftly, but her voice held a hint of light hearted amusement to it. "I mean, come on, I bet you scared the shit out of Quinn and Rachel."
"I guess so." I shrugged lightly and started to pick at the folds of the blanket.
"Britt, you took care of me better than either of them," Santana said softly and lifted her hand to my chin. She forced it up gently so that I had to look at her. "Neither of them can do your job."
"My job?"
"Being my awesome girlfriend," Santana said as she arched her brow.
"I'm not that great..." I sighed and looked away as best I could, but she managed to tug me closer.
"Um, no," Santana said sternly. "You don't get to decide that."
"Huh?"
"I'm the one that decides if you're awesome or great," Santana said as her lips spread into a grin. "Or sweet. And cute. And sexy..." She strained up a bit to peck my lips.
"No, I'm not," I muttered against her lips. "You are-"
"Britt, shut up, you're all of those things," Santana hummed. I didn't know when her other hand found its way to my waist, but she suddenly tugged me forward and I had to be careful not to collapse on top of her. "It's because of you I feel better at all."
She continued to stare up at me in a warm, gentle way. It had to be what people saw or felt when they were in love. I don't know when she started to look at me like that, or if she had all along, but I felt so unworthy of it. My head bowed down and I carefully let my body rest down on top of her.
"It's because of me you got sick in the first place," I sighed.
"Are you still on about that?" Santana wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me closer. "Yesterday happened, Britt. We can't change that."
I felt my nose twitch and I sniffled. I didn't mean to, but I still felt so bad about everything that happened. I knew she didn't want to hear it, but I wanted to apologize over and over until I couldn't speak anymore just to make up for it. Even then, I didn't think it ever could.
"Britt," Santana whispered. She squeezed me again, and I peeled my face from her chest and looked up while resting my chin against her. "I might be sick right now, but do you know what could have been worse?"
"No." I barely managed to let the word escape my lips as my head bobbed since my jaw was pressed firmly to her chest.
"You could've not come back," Santana said quietly. Her brow fell slightly and so did her smile. Santana's hand slipped away from the small of my back and she let it rise to stroke gently through my hair. Before she managed to run her fingers from the top of my head to the base of my neck, I shot up and brought my lips to hers. I pressed into her so hard that I didn't realize just how forcefully I was kissing her until she murmured against my lips. I drew away, my hands placed at her sides to hold myself up as I gazed down at her.
"I'll always come back," I breathed heavily as I pressed my forehead to hers. "No. I won't ever leave."
"I know," she laughed softly and brought her hand up to cup my cheek.
"No, I mean it." I nudged my nose against hers and kissed her gently. My eyes fluttered shut and I held there for a while. "I've never... felt like this about anyone, Santana."
"Britt..." She paused for a moment. She must have been waiting for me to look back at her, because she let out a soft sigh when I opened my eyes. "It's okay." She let her fingers tickle along my jawline and she stretched forward to kiss me again. She let her kisses trail up along the side of my face, pausing only when she came to my ear.
"How else are you supposed to feel when you've found your soul mate?" she whispered. She said it so softly, she'd barely said it at all. It was like she was scared to say it, and it made all the hairs on the back of my neck prickle up.
"You really think that?" I exhaled, nuzzling my nose to the crook of her neck.
"I do," she said quietly.
"Me too." I nodded slowly as she let her hands wrap back around me and just let me lay there for a while. I wondered if it was okay to snuggle up on top of her while she wasn't feeling well. That wasn't something we covered when we went over first aid and stuff in my Kinesiology class. Was that something I could ask my professor? What to do when your girlfriend has a cold - probably not kiss her, for sure, but I was beginning to realize that would only make her feel worse.
"Brittany...?"
"Mm?" I hummed.
"I think... the medicine is working," she murmured.
"Are you falling asleep?"
"Yeah."
"That's good," I said as I picked up my head and kissed her cheek.
"Britt?" She uttered my name so softly and she could barely keep her eyes open.
"Yeah?"
Her head tilted towards me and she finally let her eyes close. I had to inch back a little so I didn't startle her awake by bumping our noses. I smiled as she let out a warm breath of air and uttered a tiny "I love you..." as she dozed off. I whispered it back, but she probably didn't hear me.
Some time had passed, and I watched quietly as Santana's chest rose and fell in a calm and steady rhythm. I had quickly realized that it probably wasn't the most comfortable position for me to be laying on top of her while she was sick, so I'd carefully rolled off of her to the side. I wasn't tired or sleepy, but maybe that was because I hadn't taken any cold medicine.
Santana shifted, turning onto her side and I pulled back an inch to avoid having her nose bump against mine. She hummed softly as she exhaled a warm breath against my face, and my eyes almost fluttered closed out of sheer delight. Santana could make my heart thump just a little harder and my breath catch in my throat without even trying. I felt myself lick my lips in preparation to kiss her, but I caught myself before I did. Kissing Santana would wake her, and she really needed the sleep. I settled for gazing over the features of her face, eventually daring to let my fingers tickle as lightly as they could over the bare skin of her arm.
The way the light filtered into the room made Santana look absolutely beautiful. It was still daylight and I had pulled down the shades, but the light struck her skin in such a soft way that none of the shadows on her body were harsh. I was sure that any sort of light would make Santana look beautiful, and I silently reveled in the fact that I had such a stunning girlfriend. Not only was she the most gorgeous person I had ever met, but she was also remarkable in every other way. Her beauty was both inside and out, and it was so hard for me to figure out what such a wonderful person could see in me. The thought made my chest tighten.
If Santana had been awake, I knew she would know exactly what to say to make me feel better. It was one of the many reasons she was such a good girlfriend. I inched closer to her, praying that maybe she would wake up and talk to me. Was that selfish? She had managed to calm my nerves about the things I was afraid of, but I still wanted and needed her to reassure me. It made my stomach feel like it was tightening in a knot. I didn't like that I constantly needed her to reassure me about the same things over and over in our relationship. That wasn't fair to her.
The urge to kiss her awake became more and more tempting with every waft of her breath on my lips. Why I couldn't even handle being awake without her?
I sat up and crawled off of the bed, careful not to disturb Santana as she slept. She shifted and let out a murmur, and I froze for a second as she scooted towards the warm spot on the bed I had just been laying. Despite how hard I tried, I couldn't resist bending down and kissing her cheek after she nuzzled her nose against my pillow. She hummed contentedly, and I gently ran my fingers through her hair once before quickly withdrawing my hand. I was sure that I would end up waking her if I kept it up.
I made my way to the hallway, pressing my hand against the door as I shut it so it wouldn't make a sound. Maybe I would go for a run or try to work on some of my homework. As I made my way towards my room, I heard Rachel and Quinn talking downstairs from the stairwell. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but the sound of Quinn's voice echoing up the stairs made my stomach feel like it dropped.
I was so distracted by it that I didn't notice as Lord Tubbington came tearing out of Rachel's room as I passed by. I tripped as I tried to avoid stepping on him, but I caught myself on the bee-lined straight for my room and squeezed between the crack in the door. It would have been funnier to see him have to push the door open with all his weight if I hadn't been so bothered by everything else going on in my head.
I pushed the door to my room open and followed him inside. He hopped immediately onto my bed and curled up, staring at me from behind his tail. I smiled and shut my door behind me before I joined him.
"Haven't seen you in a while," I said softly. He purred and sat up a little as he nudged my hand with his head. He wasn't normally so affectionate. Come to think of it, he looked a little less pudgy too.
"Has Rachel been making you exercise?" I laughed. Lord Tubbington didn't say much, not that he usually did. Instead, he just crept forward and curled up in my lap. It was comforting to have him there. I felt a little guilty that I hadn't been spending time with him. Ever since we moved, I'd been so involved with Santana. I was a little sorry for neglecting him; he was the only friend I had for so long that hadn't abandoned me, and I felt as though I'd abandoned him.
"Did you miss me?" I cooed. He let me scratch under his chin and stretched out his paws over my thigh. "You've probably moved on to better laps, huh?"
Lord Tubbington stared up at me for a moment and then let out a soft meow. I grinned and continued to pet him.
"No? That's nice to hear," I giggled. "Maybe I can convince Santana to let you sleep with us."
I took in a sharp breath as claws dug into my skin.
"Ow, Lord T!" I grimaced. He loosened his hold on my leg and purred again as he rubbed his face against my stomach. I frowned and let my hand scratch over his head. "She's not that bad," I murmured. "I bet if you took the time to get to know her, you'd like her."
Lord Tubbington decided not to reply. Or I guess he didn't. He probably didn't even care, but sometimes it was nice to pretend that he was reacting to what I was saying rather than just doing cat things.
"Did I tell you?" I said softly. "She's my girlfriend. You knew that, didn't you?"
He just lay there in my lap and let his tail twitch back and forth.
"I figured you already knew. You probably knew before we did," I sighed. "You're smart like that."
Lord Tubbington closed his eyes for a second, and I pretended that it was his way of nodding solemnly like the wise sage-cat that he was.
"So I guess you could tell? That she loves me?" I asked. "And that I love her?"
His tail whipped back and forth aggressively, smacking against my other leg that he was casually sprawled across. I took that as a yes.
I rolled my eyes. "You should have told me. That would have helped a lot."
I sat there in silence for a while as Lord Tubbington continued to purr. I felt like I hadn't been in my room for a while. Usually, Santana and I slept in her room, especially since I'd found out how scared of heights she was. I had gotten so used to her room. It was warm and cozy, and it made my room feel bland and cold and boring. I never had really gotten a chance to decorate. I did get all of my things unpacked, but unlike Santana's room that had photos and posters and shelves full of CDs and books, my room had nothing on the walls. I didn't even think I had enough of those sort of things to put up. I had a picture frame somewhere with me and my sister at the zoo, but I had no idea where I put it. Even though I liked taking pictures, I didn't have any with friends. I used to have those pictures from Myrtle Beach...
I snapped up when I remembered the photos. The jolt forced Lord Tubbington off my lap and I watched as he darted towards the closed door and then came to an abrupt stop. He stared back up at me with his tail flicking angrily for startling him. I gave him an apologetic look as I stood and went to the window.
It was open. I didn't remember leaving it open the last time I snuck into Santana's room, but maybe I had. It was entirely possible that someone else left it open, especially if Santana or Rachel had been to the roof since I had. I felt my heart sink even more when I thought about how disappointed Santana must have been to see the rooftop. I was about to reach forward to close the window and give up on the thought of the photographs entirely - it was too depressing to think about - when suddenly Lord Tubbington darted past my hand and out onto the fire escape.
"Lord T!" I shouted. He stopped and stared wide-eyed back at me for a moment before dashing quickly across the fire escape. I scrambled out my window after him, cursing under my breath as I gave chase.
"What sort of diet has Rachel got you on?" I hissed. I'd never seen Lord Tubbington move so quickly. I stared him down and let my arms spread out wide as I crept towards him. There wasn't anywhere else he could go past Santana's window except up, and he couldn't-
"Come back here!" I growled, but it was too late. He had shimmied up the ladder that led to the roof so quickly that I was sure someone had swapped out my cat with someone else's. I let out a small huff and stared up the stairs as he disappeared from sight. I paused and looked through Santana's window to ensure that the commotion hadn't woken her. I could see her bed and she was wrapped tightly in her blankets. She had moved completely over to my side of the bed, just as cute as ever. I wanted her to wake up and see me, but I was glad she was still asleep. Sighing, I started towards the ladder and climbed up.
"If this is punishment for feeding you properly, you should yell at Rachel, not me," I grumbled. "I bet she bought you vegan cat food or someth-"
I froze when I reached the rooftop. It was worse than I remembered it being. Lord Tubbington was slinking around amongst the wreckage I had created the day prior, and I swung my leg up over the edge of the wall that surrounded the rooftop so I could walk towards him. He stopped at a coiled mess of lights and patted a paw at it lightly before he looked up at me.
"...yeah, I know," I murmured. "Don't look at me like that, I know it's ruined."
I watched quietly as Lord Tubbington explored the rooftop, taking a moment only to ensure he wouldn't be able to get from our roof to another building. I didn't see anywhere he could go, but he wasn't really running away from me anymore either.
"C'mere," I said softly as I crouched down, clicking my tongue at him as I extended my hand. He ignored me and nestled down on top of the string of lights. His tail flicked back and forth and he stared at me with the same blank look he always gave me, but somehow I saw it as judgmental. I exhaled softly and sat down, letting my legs stretch out in front of me. I picked at some of the lights and tugged on them gently. Lord Tubbington snapped his paws out in front of him to catch the lights as they dragged an inch away from him. I stopped pulling on the lights, because sooner or later he would end up chewing the wires; it would be bad if the lights were still plugged in. I didn't want him to get electrocuted. He wasn't going anywhere, so I leaned back and stared up at the sky.
I knew that Santana didn't blame me for yesterday, but it was almost scarier that she didn't. She'd forgiven me without any regard for herself at all. It was such a different experience to have someone care that much for me, but I couldn't help but worry. I knew Santana would just say things to reassure me, and that helped, but even with all her words and actions... I was terrified.
"Lord Tubbington, do you think that Santana loves me more than I love her?"
I didn't get a response. I didn't think it would, but saying it out loud was enough to get the thought out of my head a little bit. I closed my eyes and sighed.
"It's just that... I've never done this before, you know? It's not even that she's a girl," I said quietly. "No, maybe that isn't true. I think part of it is that I'm a girl."
Maybe the reason Santana was able to care so much for me wasn't because she loved me, but because I was the first person she was able to love and care for that she felt like she could. Because I was a girl. It didn't matter to me; Santana was Santana. Beautiful, smart, and wonderful in every way imaginable. But if I was a guy or if she had come to terms with her sexuality before she'd met me or not at all, would we be anything? Friends? Lovers? Did those sort of things affect someone's soul? She said we were soul mates, like kindred spirits that were destined to meet. But I didn't know that I was capable of comparing the soft glow that I had for her to the fiery, passionate one she had for me. I loved her so much, but was I good enough for her?
"Santana deserves someone that's smart and pretty," I said. I didn't know if Lord Tubbington was still listening, but I decided it was okay if he didn't. I would just talk to myself. That was fine. "Someone that loves her and can protect her too. I'm not... I'm not as brave or witty as she is. Even if she doesn't mind that I'm a klutz and I can't cook, it doesn't mean she should overlook all the things I've done wrong, right?"
"I... I think maybe she's convinced herself I'm worth all this and I'm not." My voice cracked a little as I stretched my arm up to sky. I held it out for a moment before let it smack gently against the pavement. Twisting, I buried my face into the crook of the elbow of my other arm.
"I'm just a girl from Lima, Lord T. I know Santana's from there too, but... have you heard her sing? She's not going to stay grounded," I sighed loudly. "She's gonna be famous, and when that happens, Lord T, she's going to realize that the only thing different about dating me instead of Puck, or any of the other guys she's been with... all that's different is that I'm a girl."
"That's not true."
The voice startled me so much that I nearly jumped, but I was laying down, so my whole body just sort of jolted aggressively against the pavement. My eyes snapped open and I saw Rachel sitting next to me. She was scooping up Lord Tubbington into her arms and he gave me a disgruntled look.
"R-Rachel," I stammered as I sat up. "How long have you been there?"
"Long enough to think you're crazy," Rachel said as she hugged Lord Tubbington in her arms. "Santana loves you so much, Brittany."
I let my gaze fall to the ground. "It's not that simple, Rachel-"
"Of course it is," Rachel said. "When you love someone, you love them. It can be more complicated than that, but I think for Santana, loving you is as easy as breathing."
I looked up and rose a brow at her before shaking my head. "How could you know that?"
"I know Santana and I aren't good friends-"
"That's not true, Santana likes you," I said.
"Yeah? That's nice to know." Rachel paused as a small smile formed on her lips. She chuckled lightly and waved her hand at me. "I've known Santana a while. Not as long as Quinn has, but long enough to know that Santana really tried. With her other relationships. Maybe not in high school, but there was the summer after that she and Puck-"
"Puck?" I looked up again.
"You had to have known they dated," Rachel said as her brow knit together.
"Yeah," I said quietly as I nodded.
"They've been off and on forever, but then Puck disappeared last year to go do his band thing." Rachel waved her hand nonchalantly. "But before that and after high school, Santana really did try to figure things out with him."
I nodded slowly, but I couldn't help but feel anxious. About Puck and about Santana. She said that they hadn't been anything since her junior year of high school, but now Rachel was contradicting that.
"I don't want to talk about Puck," I said quietly. It was already too much to be worried about Santana, but things just became more confusing the more Rachel talked about him. I felt hot in my face and in my chest. I realized that Rachel might take it the wrong way if I said anything and think I was jealous. Maybe I was.
"I just don't want to talk about her past relationships behind her back. That's something that we should talk about as like... a couple?"
"You're right," Rachel said. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to explain that you can't force love, Brittany. It's something you find and foster, but not something you can pull out of thin air."
"But you can lose it," I said, picking at the string of lights in front of me.
"Love can be fragile." Rachel nodded her head and lifted the string of lights so that Lord Tubbington couldn't reach it. "But it can also be really strong, Brittany. Strong enough to make people like Santana not afraid to share how much she cares about you, and strong enough to help people like you realize that you're smart and pretty and special too."
I smiled weakly. I knew my cheeks must have been flushed, but it was so embarrassing to hear people say stuff like that. I just didn't think it was true. When I didn't say anything, Rachel tugged on the lights, this time pulling them out of my hands and away from me.
"Do you think Santana is fickle, Brittany?" Rachel asked quietly.
"What?" I looked up and stared at her. I wasn't sure if she was asking me because she wanted to know what I thought or if it was rhetorical.
"You're her girlfriend," Rachel said softly and shrugged. "Disregarding anyone else, do you think Santana is the type of person to just stop loving the person she cares about most?"
I knew Rachel was trying to comfort me by her question, and that the answer was no. Santana wasn't a fickle person at all. She was also so sweet to me and so kind, but that's what was difficult about the question. Santana probably wasn't the type to just stop loving someone.
"...But Quinn-"
"Forget what Quinn said. That was out of line," Rachel said sternly. "It's hard for Quinn to accept what's going on because Santana kept her in the dark all this time. She's just taking it out on you-"
"No," I interrupted and shook my head. "Quinn. She..." I paused and lifted my hand up to my forehead. "You're right. Santana isn't the kind of person that will just stop caring about people."
"I'm sorry, Brittany, I'm not following you," Rachel said with a frown.
"It's... no, never mind," I muttered. I was over thinking things. Santana said that she was over Quinn and I needed to believe that. But she'd also said that she and Puck hadn't dated after high school...
"Look, Brittany," Rachel said as she scooted closer. I was surprised when Lord Tubbington stayed in her lap and didn't claw her. "If Santana isn't fickle, then what makes you think that she's going to change her mind?"
"I don't know..." I felt my brow furrow with exasperation. It felt like the same argument over and over in my head. The problem wasn't Santana at all.
"Santana is so good at all this dating stuff," I said just above a whisper. "She says the right things, she makes wonderful food, she sings for me, she's even helped me with my classes..." I felt my cheeks redden, because I would never ever elaborate how Santana had helped me with school. "She takes me on the best dates, whether it's something planned or just picking me up for lunch... she's just... perfect."
"I had no idea Santana was so romantic," Rachel mused. "That sounds rather lovely, if I do say so myself."
"She is. But I think Quinn is right," I sighed.
"Brittany-"
"No, she is. I suck at being Santana's girlfriend," I said quietly. "I'm not good enough for her. She does all that for me; she sticks up for me and even was brave enough to fight for me. It was rash and probably a bad idea, but she's willing to put herself in harms way for me. And why?" I rubbed my hand over my cheek. It wasn't wet, but I felt like I was going to cry.
"I don't do anything right," I said. "I never have. I barely graduated high school, Rachel. I'm not smart. And even if she doesn't care about that, I'm not a good girlfriend. I messed up our first date by not realizing it was a date to begin with. Then in Myrtle Beach, I made her so scared because of the ferris wheel." I dropped my hand and let it hang in the air as I rested the elbow against my knee.
"I kept doing stuff that embarrassed her before we were ready to be anything. Like that one time I was drunk, I tried kissing her when we were supposed to just be dancing at the club. And I asked Mike stuff I shouldn't have. And this," I sniffled as I gestured around. "The one time I was sure I'd got it right. That I was going to have this amazing, romantic, perfect moment that she's just so good at naturally... I had to go and ruin it."
Rachel didn't say anything. I don't think it would have helped, because a second later, I was burying my face in my arms as I tucked my legs as close to my body as I could. I knew I wasn't a good girlfriend, but it was so much worse because it wasn't that I didn't try. I just couldn't get it right.
"And sh-she doesn't even care," I stammered. "Th-that I mess up. Santana j-just lets it go. She's always l-looking out for me a-and," I sniffed, "sh-she should have someone that c-can do the s-same for her. That w-won't always have to rely on her f-for everything."
I heard Rachel scramble up and then arms wrapped around me, pulling me up and into a tight hug. I let my hands wrap around her back and hugged her back. It wasn't anything like a hug from Santana, but it was still so much better than hugging my knees.
"Brittany, relationships aren't just two people giving each other the same exact thing," Rachel said softly. "They are so much more than just having similar interests or going out on dates. It's not about trading off responsibilities or duties. You're supposed to be there to support and love the other person. It's not equal. Romance never is."
Rachel pulled away from me and let her hands rest on my shoulders.
"I know what you mean when you feel like you just aren't doing things right, believe me." Rachel lowered her gaze. "You feel like you keep messing up, and it's so hard to pick yourself up over and over." The way Rachel spoke was quiet and solemn; I felt like she did know what I meant and that there was more to the story. If I hadn't been so unsettled with all of my own inhibitions, I would have wanted to ask Rachel more about it. I think most of us had been avoiding the topic of her ex-boyfriend because of how well adjusted she seemed to be. Maybe she really wasn't.
"But you and Santana are good together, because you know each other without having to try," Rachel said softly. "Sure. Maybe you can't cook and unexpected things happen. Not everything works out the way you want, but you also make Santana feel better when she's sad or upset. You help her notice when she's being abrasive. If it weren't for you, Santana probably would still be mean to me all the time. Even if we are sort of friends."
I nodded slowly. "So...dating is like when you have two puzzle pieces...they're not the same, but they fit together."
"Yes," Rachel smiled. "Exactly. You have different roles in your relationship. You make her the sort of person she wants to be. The person she wouldn't let herself be before. And you shouldn't be upset that she wants to do things for you. You're different from her past boyfriends, Brittany, and not just because you're a girl. It's because Santana really loves you. Anyone can see that. Even Quinn." She squeezed my arms reassuringly before continuing.
"Quinn just doesn't realize that equality in a relationship isn't something you can always see from the outside," Rachel said. "She's had some really bad relationships herself, and she's just really independent. I don't think she likes seeing Santana get so upset. Does that make sense?"
"I guess. Do you think Quinn doesn't like that I'm dating Santana, then?" I asked cautiously.
"No, I don't think so." Rachel shook her head. "It's hard to say exactly what's going on with Quinn. I think it's just the abruptness of it all. Quinn deals a lot in absolutes. She can be empathetic, but she's also not very forgiving. I think she forgets not everyone has been through what she's gone through."
I nodded slowly. I guess that made sense. I still didn't know a lot about Quinn. I didn't even know Rachel all that much, but she was friendly and easy to talk to. It was actually a little funny how much I had gotten to know Santana, and yet I hardly knew my other roommates.
"You okay?" Rachel asked, leaning forward a bit to look up at me. I sniffled, but my lips spread into a tiny smile as I nodded again.
"Yeah." I rubbed my palm over my eyes quickly. "It's just a lot to get used to."
"For all of us, I think," Rachel said as she stood up and helped me to my feet. "I'm sorry that you haven't really had the time to just relax around here. First you had to adjust to living with us, and now you have to adjust to all this."
"It's okay." I shrugged and dusted myself off.
"Okay, so." Rachel bent down as she paused to pick up a string of lights. "Let's fix this up so you can reschedule your date with Santana."
A warm smile spread over my lips and I felt my brow crinkle. She didn't even wait for my reply; she just started bustling around, straightening out the lights and laying them down on the ground underneath where they were supposed to be strung up. After a moment, she paused and looked up.
"Are you going to help me?" she asked as she raised a brow.
"You're a really good friend, Rachel," I said as I stepped over one of the lines she made.
"I am?" Rachel laughed. "That's sweet of you to say."
"You are, though," I said, taking one end of the lights in my hands as she held up the other. "To me and to Quinn and Santana."
"You know, a month ago, I wouldn't believe you if you told me Santana thought I was a good friend," Rachel said. "I mean, I know she tolerates me, and she's grateful for some of the things we've been through, but until recently I was sure she only put up with living with me because Quinn and I are friends."
"Santana said that you're really driven and passionate," I said as I started to hang up some of the lights. "And everyone knows you're going to be on Broadway one day."
"Really?"
I felt the hold on the lights slack and I looked up at Rachel. She shook her head and lifted the string of lights up above her head.
"I didn't know she thought so highly of me," Rachel said softly.
"You two should hang out more," I said.
"Maybe," Rachel laughed. "It's weird having her out and about more often. It's like we needed one new roommate, but we got two."
"Did she really just stay in her room all the time?"
"Yeah. And she used to drink a lot more," Rachel said. "A lot more."
"Well," I said as I got my half of the lights up. "I have to say, if she hadn't been drinking the first night I moved in, well, maybe we wouldn't be dating."
"I warned you about that," Rachel giggled.
"Your note said not to let her in my room," I laughed. "Nothing about me going into hers."
"Is that so?" Rachel rolled her eyes playfully. "Well, pardon me. Although, I admit, that wasn't really what I meant by that note. I just figured you wouldn't want a drunk Santana passing out in your room or sobbing uncontrollably."
"I really don't think I would have minded that," I said with another shrug. "I would have taken care of her anyway."
"That's what makes you such a good girlfriend, Brittany," Rachel grinned. I felt my cheeks grow warm and I bowed my head so she wouldn't see my blush.
It took us quite a while to get all the lights back up and to clear the area for the picnic, but not nearly as long as it had the first time around. Rachel got a little bit tangled in the last row of lights, and I realized maybe I wasn't the only klutz. After we finished, we had to hunt down Lord Tubbington and corner him, but luckily I managed to grab him before he darted off. It took both of us to get him down the ladder, because neither of us could carry him on our own straight down. It was darker now and hard to see, but judging by the mass of blankets in Santana's bed, I assumed she was still sleeping as we passed her window.
Once we were downstairs, Rachel hopped onto the couch and let out a loud sigh. Quinn glanced up from her book as I sat down as well and then seemed to lose interest in both of us.
"What were you two doing?"
"Fixing the lights," Rachel said brightly. "And you were just sitting here the whole time?"
"Reading," Quinn said.
"It's Saturday," I laughed. Quinn didn't join in with me, and I quickly let my laughter die off. Unlike my friendship with Rachel and my relationship with Santana, I never quite knew where I stood with Quinn. I thought it had changed and we had bonded, but I guess I had messed that up when she saw how much I'd hurt Santana.
"You study a lot for an acting major," I muttered.
"I'm taking anthropology as an elective," Quinn said with her nose still in the book. "And I also just like to read."
I pursed my lips and stared down at the ground. Ever since Quinn had found out about Santana and I, she'd become more difficult than before. It was hard to believe Rachel saying that Quinn was okay with everything. I clenched my jaw. Was Quinn really still upset with me?
"So is this homework or fun?" Rachel asked. I think she could tell that I was having trouble keeping up a conversation with Quinn.
"Fun," Quinn sighed and set down her book. It was a brownish orange, tattered and frayed along its paperback binding, but the way she held it enabled me to see the cover. The title read The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and there was a ship on it. She moved her hand before I could read the rest of the upside-down letters.
"Have you read it a lot?" I asked and pointed to the book.
"Oh." Quinn looked down and shook her head. "No, I got it from the bookstore I work at. It's used. I haven't read the books in forever."
"Books?" I tilted my head to the side.
"The Chronicles of Narnia?" Quinn held up the book so I could see it better. Now that she held it upright, I could make out more of the details on the book. I remembered seeing those movies and a soft smile spread across my lips.
"I like Aslan," I said quickly. "He's my favorite."
"Same," Quinn said. "My camp counselor read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe to us one summer when I was a kid, and I was hooked ever since. Someone came in last week and donated the whole set. I couldn't help but take them home."
I grinned. Whenever I had managed to get Quinn to talk about books, she always seemed to brighten up and it was easier to talk to her. That must have been why Rachel tried to keep us on topic of the books rather than ask about school.
"Have you read the books?" Quinn asked.
"Oh... no, I haven't," I said, my eyes falling to back the ground. I felt like my window of opportunity to get to know more about Quinn just snapped shut. "I watched the movies."
"You should read them," Quinn said, twisting in her seat as she reached for her bag. "Do a comparative like you did with Alice in Wonderland." She sat up and handed me an equally tattered book.
"I thought the first book was The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe," I said as I took the book from her. It read The Magician's Nephew.
"It was the first to be written and published," Quinn said with a nod. "But C.S. Lewis wrote this one later, and it's the first of the series."
"Oh?" I rose a brow as I looked at the book.
"It's really good." Quinn smiled. "You'll like it, especially if you liked Alice in Wonderland."
"Thanks," I said quietly. Maybe things with Quinn would work out after all. "Maybe I can convince Santana to read it to me."
"Why would you do that?" Rachel asked.
"'Cause her voice is really sexy," I muttered before a small smile spread over my lips. Rachel let out a small huff that I guessed must have been a stifled laugh and Quinn shook her head disapprovingly.
"Oh, yeah," Quinn said as she settled back into her seat and turned the page of her book. "Santana left for work."
"What?" Rachel and I both shot up.
"Why didn't you stop her?" Rachel snapped.
"She's sick!" I shouted.
"Have you ever tried to tell Santana what she can and can't do?" Quinn said as she dropped her book into her lap. Rachel's shoulders slumped and I looked down at the ground.
After a moment, I looked sheepishly up at Quinn with a small smile on my face. "So...does that mean the roommate agreement is just a formality?" Rachel shot up and then threw her hand out at me, but I leaned back to avoid it.
"Stay out of my room!"
"What are you doing here?" Tina set aside the glass she was holding and leaned forward on the bar as Santana walked past her towards the back. "Quinn said you were sick."
"Keyword, was." Santana shrugged as she waved her hand at Tina and took off her jacket. "I'm fine."
"It's dark as hell in here, and even I can see how pale you look," Tina said. "You should go home if you're sick."
"I've missed enough work," Santana said as she walked around and joined Tina behind the bar. "I'll be fine, Brittany took care of me."
"Aw. Did she play nurse?" Tina winked and Santana shoved her not so lightly with her elbow. "Ow ow, okay, sorry."
"Go back to your station," Santana growled as she waved her hands at Tina.
"No love," Tina sighed.
"Not for you," Santana said. Tina froze for a second and then twisted to face Santana, leaning back against the bar. A small smile crept on her lips.
"So Mike said you two had a fight? But things worked out? Come on, spill, what happened?"
"We weren't fighting," Santana frowned as her brow furrowed. "This is why I don't tell you things. You're too nosy."
"Well, sorry for being interested in your relationships." Tina rolled her eyes. "If you don't wanna talk about it, I'll just go back to the front. All by myself. Alone."
"Shut up," Santana said and her lips cracked into a small smile.
"So...? Should I stay or should I go?"
"You can stay," Santana murmured. "Look, long story short, Brittany had a bad day and got really scared about us. It's fine. We talked about it."
"What kind of bad day?" Tina's brow furrowed. "I mean, stuff doesn't just go from fine to bad to fine again."
"Those girls from her class," Santana said quietly. One of the customers at the end of the bar rose his hand at Santana and she nodded. "Tina, come on, I have to work. We're fine. We're great, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," Tina nodded. "When we're not so busy, I'm here. If you wanna talk."
"Mm," Santana hummed as moved to the end of the bar.
Like usual on Saturdays, the bar was quickly filling up. Santana recognized a lot of the people as regulars, but there were always new faces. It was good. She liked when it was busy, because it meant more drinks to serve and more tips to make.
"Yer moving a lil' slow tonight, Santana," Rory said as he poured a glass next to her. She shook her head lightly and lifted her hand reassuringly.
"I'm good," she said and gave him a small smile.
"You want to swap spots?" Rory usually took care of restocking while Santana managed the bar, picking up the slack when it was busy. Santana shook her head.
"I've got it, Rory," Santana said.
"It's okay, if you want to rest," Rory said. "Tina said you might not come in."
"It's Saturday, Rory, I can't," Santana sighed. "But thanks for offering."
"No worries, yeah?" Rory patted her on the back. "Heard you were having some problems with yer friend."
"No problems," Santana smiled softly. "We're good."
"Brittany?"
"Yeah, Brittany," Santana nodded.
"No." Rory squeezed his hand on her shoulder and gestured towards the door. Santana looked up and her smile grew into a wide grin.
I spotted Santana across the nearly packed space of the bar. When she caught sight of me, her smile was so bright, I almost forgot I was there to scold her. I shoved my way through the small crowd, held back a bit only because Rachel was clinging to my jacket sleeve.
"Santana, you're not supposed to be working," I said as I reached the bar.
"Oh no," Santana said, her grin barely wavering. "I've been caught."
"I'm serious! You should be sleeping." My voice was a little strained, and I felt my brow furrow as I pouted. Santana leaned against the counter, and I almost expected her to lean forward and kiss me. Instead, she just kept gazing at me with this toothy smile on her face. It was hard to tell she was sick to begin with considering how happy she looked.
"I'm tired of laying in bed all day," Santana said. "I needed to be up and about."
"You're not supposed to when you're sick," I said. I was pushed to the side as Quinn and Rachel squeezed between people and sat down at the bar.
"You left me all alone," Santana said as she shook her head.
"So what, I'm supposed to keep an eye on you twenty-four seven?"
"Yes?" Santana eyed me, and I couldn't tell if she was serious or not. I tried to keep my expression stern, but it was hard not to smile when she was grinning so brightly.
"As adorable as this is," Quinn said flatly and pointed between us. "You do realize you have like four people over there trying to order drinks, right?"
"Shit," Santana hissed. "Why don't you all get a table? I'll stop over when it's not so busy."
"You really shouldn't be working so hard, Santana," I murmured. She paused and placed her hand over mine.
"I'm feeling a million times better, okay?" She smiled softly. "Go sit at one of the booths. I'll make you something to drink."
I would have protested, but she gave me a wink that made me feel like I would have melted into a puddle if she wasn't holding my hand. I gave her a slow nod and felt Rachel tug on my arm. Quinn hooked her arm in my other one and both of them pushed and pulled me through the crowd while I kept my eyes on Santana. She stared back at me for a second before her attention was drawn away by one of the customers at the bar.
"You're hopeless," Quinn murmured as she pulled me into the booth.
"Only because she's in love," Rachel said and scrunched her nose at me. I felt my cheeks flush and I looked down at the table.
"Well, we're here now, so we might as well get something to drink," Quinn said.
"No, no, I have a performance tomorrow," Rachel shook her head.
"Then you can drive us home," Quinn said as she grabbed the drink menu. I leaned to the side to look over Quinn's shoulder at the pamphlet and she held it open more for me.
"You know the worst part about working at a bar?"
The three of us looked up to see Tina standing over us before she slid into the seat next to Rachel.
"You can't drink on the clock?" I asked.
"You can't drink on the clock," Tina laughed and nodded. "And you guys only ever drink when I'm working."
"I'm not drinking," Rachel said.
"And I came here for Santana," I agreed.
"I'm here because I have a car," Quinn grumbled.
"You didn't have to come with us, we could have taken the subway," Rachel said with a frown. I was kind of glad Rachel said something, because Quinn's attitude was so hard to predict.
"I'm kidding." Quinn rolled her eyes as she set down the menu. "How are you, Tina?"
"Can't really complain," Tina said with a shrug. "We're busy, but I'm on my break right now, since Santana is here."
"I guess it would have sucked for you guys if Santana hadn't shown up, huh?" Quinn said as she sat back in the booth.
"Yeah, but to be honest, she's not making that much of a difference," Tina sighed. "How sick was she earlier?"
"I don't know, it was kinda hard to tell with her macking on this one," Quinn said, gesturing to me with her thumb. I felt my face get hot.
"W-we weren't-" I protested, but Tina let out a laugh.
"So they did tell you," Tina said brightly.
"It was sort of necessary," Quinn said quietly. I saw out of the corner of my eye that she flicked her eyes up to me and then looked back down at the menu. "Although, I'm really glad that they did."
"I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner," I muttered, but part of me was actually a little sorry she knew at all.
"No, it's fine," Quinn said and waved her hand. "I'm still a bit caught off guard by it. And I wish Santana hadn't had to hide it for so long, but... neither of you did anything wrong."
"Of course not," Tina said. "They're adorable together."
I could feel the warmth in my face as I blushed. Tina and Quinn laughed and I looked to Rachel. She gave me a sympathetic smile, but before she could say anything, a glass was placed in front of me.
"Here you go, Britt-Britt," Santana said cheerfully. She crouched down and squeezed in next to me, sitting on the edge of the seat casually as she leaned into me. "What are you all talking about?"
"You," Tina said as her lips curled into a grin. "And how cute you are."
"Sorry, Tina," Santana said, grasping my hand tightly in hers. "I'm happily taken."
Quinn let out a not-so-courteous laugh and Rachel managed to stifle hers with her hand. Tina suddenly looked more embarrassed than I had felt just a moment before.
"I am too," Tina muttered. I'd felt a little uneasy with Quinn and Tina, but now that Santana was here, it was a lot better. I leaned into her and squeezed her hand.
"What is this?" I asked, pointing to the drink.
"Try it." Santana nudged me.
"It's not gross, is it?" I eyed her suspiciously.
"No, it's good," Santana laughed. "I promise. Definitely nothing like your soda concoction."
"Her what?" Rachel asked.
"Brittany mixed all the sodas," Santana said and rolled her eyes. "It was awful."
"The cherry was good," I said as I picked the cherry out of the drink and held it out for Santana.
"You don't want it?" Santana asked.
"I want to see if you can tie it in a knot too," I grinned. Santana's cheeks went crimson as her jaw dropped. I took the opportunity and popped the cherry towards her open mouth. She hummed in protest, but her lips closed around it.
"Bri'any," she said as she covered her mouth.
"You know the bar is really busy," Quinn said. "And we haven't ordered drinks yet."
"Shut up, Quinn, I wanna see this," Tina hissed. Santana furrowed her brow and wrinkled her nose at Tina as she chewed and swallowed the cherry.
"Fuck," Santana muttered. She held up her hand to gesture she needed a moment, and we all stared at her intently. After a good twenty or thirty seconds, she stuck out her tongue to show off the tied stem.
"Wanky," I whispered, and she jerked forward as she spat out the stem. "But I already knew you were an amazing kisser."
"Brittany," Santana hissed.
"Why are you embarrassed?" Tina laughed. "It's not like we don't know what goes on between you two."
Santana stood up and swatted at Tina's head with her hand. "Just because it's true doesn't mean it's something I need you three talking about," Santana grumbled.
"But you agree?" I chirped. "That you're an amazing kisser?"
Santana paused and glanced at everyone else. Then, she shrugged and tilted her head to the side as she smirked. "I won't contest that," she said and winked. "Drink your drink. Quinn, what do you want? A cosmo? Rachel?"
"Just water," Rachel said, stretching her hands out in front of her. Quinn nodded and Santana spun on her heels after she gave me another wink.
"What is that?" Rachel asked as I held the glass Santana had brought me up to my lips.
"I don't know," I said, taking a sip. It was really sweet, but I had a hard time figuring out what it was. "Here, you try."
"Oh no, don't," Quinn said. "She's too much of a lightweight, and knowing Santana, she made it strong."
"Then you try," I said, pushing the glass towards her. She took it gingerly, staring at it for a second before taking a sip.
"Mm, that's pineapple?" Quinn said. "It kinda tastes like coconut too."
"A bahama mama," Tina said. "Santana likes those."
Quinn handed me back the drink and I took a bigger gulp of it. Santana was always spot on with making me drinks, whether they were alcoholic or not. It was really, really good.
"So I haven't seen you two in a while," Tina said, pointing to Quinn and Rachel. "Well, we hung out earlier this week, Rach."
"Yeah, some stuff happened," Rachel shrugged.
"I heard about Finn," Tina said. Rachel started to explain more about what happened in detail with Finn. She explained that Kurt had been calling out of work to try to keep Finn from seeing her and that after the night he had shown up at our apartment, Kurt had taken him back to the airport once he sobered up. I stopped paying attention when she got more into the details of what I had been present for and started to stare out through the crowd to try to catch glimpses of Santana as she bustled around the bar. I hadn't even realized until she came back with the drinks for Quinn and Rachel that my glass was empty.
"Britt, you inhaled that," Santana laughed as she grabbed my empty glass.
"I didn't mean to," I said, staring blankly at her hands.
"It's okay, you're supposed to drink it," Santana said. "So you liked it?"
"Yes," I said happily. "It was yummy."
"I'll get you another one," she said with the sweetest smile before quickly disappearing again.
"You're glowing," Tina said.
I looked up at her. "What?"
"Any time Santana comes over, you get this goofy grin on your face," Rachel laughed. "It's cute."
"That's not true," I murmured, trying my best not to smile like an idiot.
"Yeah it is, you get all bright eyed and cheerful," Quinn said. "Not that you aren't already exuberantly bubbly to begin with."
I looked at Quinn, my brow furrowed. Despite how much of a compliment it should have been, it didn't really sound like it when she said it with such a monotone voice. I also didn't know what the word 'exuberantly' meant, and it made me feel a little sheepish.
"Honestly, I don't know how I didn't see that you two were dating before," Rachel sighed, flicking her hand in the air at me.
"How did you find out before me?" Quinn asked.
"I think we'd all like to know that," Santana said. I looked up as she sat down next to me again, handing me another bahama mama.
"That was fast," Quinn said as she rose a brow.
"It's settled down over there." Santana shrugged and waved over to Rory. "So how did Rachel find out, hm?" Santana leaned forward and wrinkled her nose at me, but luckily I had enough sense to resist the urge to kiss her. I wasn't sure what we were okay doing in public, especially since Santana had been so adamant about being in control of who we told. Not to mention this was her workplace. Although, that hadn't really been anything we worried about at my workplace.
"I stumbled upon her in just her underwear and your hoodie," Rachel said as she lifted her glass of water to her lips. She took a sip and set it down, smiling sympathetically at me. "I promised not to say anything."
"When was this?" Santana said, twisting to look at me more.
"Monday morning," I murmured sheepishly. "I thought it was Sunday and that no one would be up."
"Don't be embarrassed," Rachel said. "It all worked out. Besides, it's really exciting! I'm so glad that you got to share stuff with me, Brittany. I never thought Santana could be such a sweet and nice person."
"She's definitely sweet," I cooed, turning to Santana as I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows. Santana let out a huff through her nose as she rolled her eyes, but she started giggling too.
"Oh, that's mature," Rachel sighed. "I wasn't talking about that!"
"That as in sex, Rachel? You can say the word sex," Santana said as she leaned back and crossed her arms.
"It's more I don't want to think about you two," Rachel said quickly as she lifted both her hands up to the sides of her face. "Doing... sex things!"
"Such quick progress," Santana laughed. "Don't worry, we won't talk about it. It's nice to know that our sex life doesn't tickle your fancies. Although that might not be the same for the rest of you." Santana arched her brow at Tina, and I heard a loud thunk as Tina kicked Santana from underneath the table.
"Get back to work, Santana," Tina hissed.
"Why aren't you working?" Santana growled as she stood up, placing her palms on the table.
"I'm on my break," Tina scowled. "I've been here a lot longer than you have."
"Fine, whatever," Santana said as she rolled her eyes. "You let me know if you want another drink or if they're bothering you, okay Britt?"
"I'm fine," I said softly as I took a sip of my drink. "You should take a break if you get tired."
"I'm fine," Santana mimicked and waved as she went back to the bar. I watched as Rory said something to her and she shoved him on the shoulder playfully. Quinn scooted up in her seat a little bit and started to ask Tina more about Myrtle Beach and how her date with Mike went on the boardwalk. I was only half listening. I probably wouldn't even have listened at all if I hadn't wanted to know what sorts of things Mike did for Tina. He was a good boyfriend. The kind of boyfriend I would want to be if I was a boy. So maybe the kind of girlfriend I could be if Mike was a girl. I got lost in thinking about that, and before I knew it, my second bahama mama was gone.
Santana must have been keeping an eye on me, because she came back over with a new drink almost immediately after I noticed my glass was empty. She said something about Rory complaining about her insisting on working and then her getting distracted by us, so she only stayed for a second to hand me my drink and give my hand a light squeeze. I was just happy to see her, and it wasn't like she was completely far away, but I did miss her when she was back behind the bar. It was silly, but I stared longingly after her, getting lost in thoughts about what we could do after she got off work. The buzzing reminder that she probably wasn't feeling well enough to do any of those things quickly faded as I finished my third drink. Or was it my fourth? How long had Tina been sitting with us and how long was a break? I stared at the empty glass and furrowed my brow.
"Brittany, when was the last time you had anything to eat?" Rachel's voice sounded muffled, and I looked up and gave her the same confused look I had given my drink.
"Huh?"
"You're wobbling back and forth," Rachel giggled. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," I waved my hand at her. "I'm great. What?"
"When did you eat last?" Tina asked, patting my hand gently.
"I dunno," I shook my head, but the movement was really disorienting. I stopped almost immediately after and tried not to look too off-balanced. "Yesterday, I had, like, a bagel."
"You didn't eat any of the soup we made?" Rachel asked.
"I don't remember," I said honestly. I looked over to Quinn. Her glass was nearly empty, but in the time we'd been sitting there, I didn't remember Santana coming over at all to give her a new drink.
"Is she drunk?" Rachel whispered, but it wasn't really a whisper, because I could hear it.
"Well, she's gotta just be buzzed," Quinn said, tapping my arm gently with her hand. "Otherwise, her clothes would be off."
"Should they be?" I asked. Why would my clothes be off? I looked down at my shirt. Santana wasn't here, so that didn't make sense. Did I need to take them off? Maybe I spilled something on myself. I reached at the bottom of my shirt and started to tug on it lightly. Quinn's hand shot out and covered mine.
"No, no," Quinn laughed. "Please, keep them on."
"Okay," I nodded. That wasn't as bad as shaking my head back and forth, but it still made the room kind of spin. Why did Quinn bring up taking my clothes off if I was supposed to keep them on?
"We're lucky Santana's busy," Tina laughed. "Or else she'd be taking full advantage of this situation, right now."
"She wouldn't," I said. My brow furrowed when I realized I wasn't sure if that came out right at all. I thought I said wouldn't, but it kind of sounded like I said would. I paused and stared hard at my glass again. "She's not like that."
"I was joking," Tina said gently.
"Well, she's not like that," I repeated, a little louder. I knew I was getting louder because Tina's eyes widened a little. "We didn't do it that first time cause I was drunk. She... wanted it to be special."
"Brittany," Rachel said softly, and I looked up at her quickly. She had extended her hand across the table to grab mine and squeezed it gently. "We know. That Santana's a good person. They were kidding. Let's change topics, okay?"
"No." I shook my head. "It's not funny."
"No, it wasn't." Rachel nodded. "And it's good that Santana wanted it to be special."
"Santana just has a history of... drinking and stuff," Quinn said at my side. "It wasn't a comment we made at your expense, Brittany. We know you two dating is a different sort of relationship. We're happy about that."
"You don't act like it," I said, shrinking back as Quinn tried to pat my arm. "Neither of you do," I said, pointing at Quinn first and then to Tina.
"Of course we're happy-" Tina started, but I slapped my hand on the table and cut her off.
"Then why is it that you guys are always messing with us?" I demanded. "You didn't want us to stay in the same room after you found out." I tossed my hand up at Tina and then waved to Quinn. "And you...you think I don't love Santana."
"I didn't say that," Quinn frowned.
"But you think it!" I snapped. "You said I was a bad girlfriend!"
"Brittany, calm down," Quinn murmured. "You're taking this the wrong way."
"So what if I am?" I said loudly. "None of you have the right to tell me or Santana how to feel or what to do about our relationship!"
"We're just trying to look out for you two," Tina said. "Like we always have. For Santana."
"Well, that's not your job!" I slapped my hand to my chest. "It's my responsibility. I'd be a good girlfriend if everyone would just leave us alone."
"You are a good girlfriend," Tina nodded.
"That's not what Quinn said!" I exclaimed and spun to glare at Quinn. "You don't think I can take care of her. Why? Is it 'cause I'm not as smart as you? That I'm not as pretty? I know I'm not, but I love Santana!"
"Brittany-" Quinn stared at me like a deer in headlights. She always looked sort of doe-eyed, but I couldn't quite read the expression on her face. Shock, for one, but then her eyes darted up and past me.
"Are you ladies alright?" The voice came from my side, and it was with such a heavy accent I could barely understand it. I whipped around and nearly stumbled back as Rory held his hand out to catch me, but then another pair of hands grabbed me from behind.
"Why are you guys causing a scene?" Santana hissed, squeezing my arms tightly. I twisted around and grabbed Santana's hands.
"I don't care," I said loudly. Santana looked a little stunned and stepped forward as I leaned into her. "I love you."
"I... I know, Britt," Santana whispered quietly. Her eyes darted behind me, and I didn't know even know why.
"She's a little drunk, S," Tina murmured. Santana nodded and her brow wrinkled as she smiled weakly at me. Even though she was smiling, I wasn't convinced that she understood what I said. It wasn't funny, it was serious. I loved Santana, so much.
"Let's get you some water-" She started, but I didn't want water. I wanted her to understand me, and know that I meant what I said. I tugged her hands closer to me as I quickly leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers. It was the only way I could think of to get her to believe me.
"Britt!" Santana gasped as she pulled back. I frowned and furrowed my brow as I inched towards her again. That wasn't how she was supposed to react when I kissed her. Was I kissing her wrong now too? It was confusing because she pulled her head away from mine, but her grasp on my hand tightened. I stumbled when she pulled me forward and I glanced back to see everyone staring wide-eyed at me, including Rory.
Santana dragged me to the back of the bar, and even though I felt like I'd done something wrong, I couldn't help the small smile that crept onto my lips when Santana yanked me into a closed off section of the bar. The sign on the door said 'Employees Only.' Maybe she had understood what I meant, after all. When the door closed behind her, I stumbled towards her and tried to kiss her again, but she stopped my attempts to kiss her lips by straining her head to the side. My lips crashed against the skin of her neck instead.
"Brittany," Santana exclaimed. I stopped kissing her and nudged my nose against her neck, but she grabbed me by my shoulders and forced a small amount of space between us. "Britt, babe, what are you doing?"
"I love you," I murmured. I looked sheepishly up at her and realized I was clinging to her for support. The way her brow knit together made me think that I had misinterpreted why she had brought me to the back here. She gently pressed her forehead to mine and let one hand slide away from my arm to cup my cheek.
"I love you too, but why were you yelling at everyone?" Santana whispered.
"I wasn't yelling at Rachel," I said softly. "Rachel's cool. I like Rachel."
"Okay," Santana nodded, making my head wobble a bit. "But why were you yelling?"
"Because I love you..." I whined. Why didn't Santana understand that? It was really frustrating. "And they don't... they don't think that I do."
"Of course they do," Santana said reassuringly. "And it doesn't matter what they think, okay? I love you, too."
"It doesn't matter," I nodded. "'Cause you're my girlfriend." I nudged my nose to hers. "Mine."
"Yours and yours only," Santana whispered softly. She let her hand stroke up and down my cheek. I sighed and leaned into her more. Her other hand dropped from my arm and wrapped around me. She kissed me lightly and held there for a moment.
"You're my girlfriend," I repeated in a soft murmur against her lips. I felt her smile and she let out an audible breath of air that must have been a small laugh.
"Sh, sh," she cooed. "I am. And you're mine. It's okay."
"...I didn't mean to drink so much," I sighed.
"That's my fault," Santana said, backing up a little as she tilted my chin up. "I shouldn't have made you so many drinks."
"They were really good," I said quietly. "I liked them a lot."
"That's good," Santana laughed.
"Not as much as I like you," I whispered, leaning forward to kiss her again. This time she didn't stop me. Instead, she let out a content hum and brushed her fingers from against the side of my face up and through my hair. She scratched her fingers gently against my scalp and it was so soothing that I all but melted into her. I broke our kiss to breathe and snuggle closer to her.
"Do you want me to take you home, sweetheart?" Santana asked quietly. It made my heart flutter that she called me that.
"You're working," I muttered.
"It's fine, I'm tired anyway," Santana said.
"You said you were feeling better."
"I am," Santana laughed. "But I should take you home."
"You can't," I said, and tried to lift my head off of where it rested in the crook of her neck, but it felt so heavy.
"Why's that?"
"I just kissed you," I said. "I was drinking and stuff. You might get drunk."
"That's... not how alcohol works," Santana laughed.
"But it said in that one song..." I hummed as I nuzzled my cheek into her. It was hard to remember the words. "...take me by the tongue and I'll know you," I tried to sing, but I was off tune. "Kiss me till you're drunk and ...something..."
"Not everything works like it does in the song, Britt," Santana chuckled. "I'll take you home, okay?"
"Okay," I nodded. I wasn't sure why I tried to stop her. I wanted her to come home. She needed to sleep. But I also wanted to stay as close as I could to her right now. She lowered her hands to my waist, and I tried to stand up a little straighter. Instead, I got distracted and leaned up to catch her lips again in mine.
Her lips were so soft, and they tasted even better than the drink Santana had made me. Was that her lip gloss, or did Santana just taste amazing? I tried to ask without separating our lips, but a low hum came out instead. Her fingers dug into my sides and I giggled when her tongue ran over my lips. I wondered if my lips tasted good too. I pressed into her a little harder, and she stumbled backwards beneath my weight.
"Britt," Santana gasped softly as she pulled away again. A whine escaped my throat as I kissed down her jaw and onto her neck. I couldn't even remember what we were talking about or why we were in this tiny storage closet. All I cared about was that her skin tasted amazing as my tongue ran over it. Her fingers dug into my back again and she let out a sharp breath when I wiggled my fingers beneath her tank top. She said something, but I was too immersed in how wonderful her skin felt and tasted and smelled.
"Hmm?" I murmured against her neck. My hand beneath her shirt gripped at the skin over her ribs as the other dug into the fabric of her jeans that covered her ass. She let out another gasp when I pushed her up against the wall.
"N-not now, Britt," Santana breathed. I paused against her neck, keeping my lips still. Tina and Quinn were so wrong about Santana. Even now that we were dating, she didn't want to take advantage of me.
"It's okay," I exhaled wetly against her skin. "Really."
"Brittany," Santana whispered. "I think you're misunderstan-"
I nibbled on her earlobe, and she drew in a sharp breath as she squirmed beneath my weight.
"-ing. I want to-"
"Then let's-"
"-Britt, I'm at work," Santana moaned as I pressed my palm over her breast. Her hands moved from my waist to grab my arms, but before she managed to pry them away, I leaned up to kiss her lips again. She said she wanted to, so I didn't understand why she was being so resistant. She hummed as I tried to deepen the kiss, and I heard her head thump against the wall.
"Santana, are you alri-"
Santana tore away from my lips and I could feel her whole body tensing beneath me as the door burst open behind us.
A/N:
I'm really sorry for how long it took to update. I know it's the longest break I've had, but I just finished training at my new job (I'm an RA again! And back in San Francisco! :] ). I'm not sure what my schedule will be like, but I think I should be able to write more now that I'm home and have my own space.
This chapter was really difficult to write, and I'm sorry about that. I had to rewrite the bulk of the chapter because it was just terrible, and I'm glad I did, because it took a completely different direction.
Songs:
Take Care by Drake ft. Rihanna - watch?v=-zzP29emgpg
Other Notes:
I have a twitter account...! It's chromeheartbeat (since monochrome is apparently too long).
Answering some questions:
eshel15: Santana and Brittany have not had sex in anyone else's rooms; Santana, prior to the start of ITYTD, crashed into Rachel's room drunkenly once with a stranger. While Rachel was home. It was a very traumatizing experience, and it's the reason there was a no-boys clause in their roommate agreement.
hlnwst: I'm sorry you had an experience like that, but I'm glad you are able to empathize. :[
Brittana was ALWAYS on: 2) I'm not going to confirm or deny Faberry. I don't ship it personally, but it's not that I'm against it either. I try to just portray the characters as accurately as I can, and I think that is something fans see in the show, so they'll also see it in ITYTD. 3) No, I don't think so. I've never heard Payphone before though. 4) Yes, Q and B will have their talk. A serious one, not a drunken one. Eventually. 5) I'm very sorry I didn't update, but thank you for being patient. 6) ITYTD won't be addressing their families. Not in the sense that their families are directly involved; Brittany and Santana are adults in this story, so they aren't as reliant on their parents expectations of them... I'm not saying it isn't important. Just not something I'm going to touch at this time.
Rosetoast:I love you, but I can't tell you why. Also, I would LOOOVE to know more about how Juilliard actually works, because it IS important for the last few chapters that I'm as accurate as possible when it comes to writing that. Would you mind if I messaged you privately? Or whatever.
From Wonderland (my beta):
So, since the last update: HeeBee started training for her job, I got a new job, and the forces of the universe decided to turn this chapter against us. Which made us start over and rewrite basically everything. Well forces of the universe, I now salute you with my middle finger because WE DID IT! :D