Chapter 35 – Life, Love and a Home of my own.
BPOV
I'd done it!
I'd told Edward I wanted more. I'd told Edward I wanted him. I'd done it!
I felt powerful, confident and utterly, utterly in love with him. He hadn't berated me, he hadn't belittled me or told me my feelings didn't count. He hadn't been shocked or appalled or bothered by the fact that I was still someone else's wife.
He'd just been Edward. All the things I loved about him were true, it wasn't an act or a game or a persona he projected for me to see. He was what he appeared to be.
He was loving and generous, considerate and totally truthful. He was also very good at drawing lines in the sand that he insisted he wouldn't cross.
We stood in the middle of my room kissing for a long time after I'd admitted what I wanted from him and never once did he press me for anything other than what I could give. He had understood immediately that my admission wasn't achievable right then, or there, he'd just drawn the line and promised he wouldn't cross it.
I trusted him not to. I trusted him to be strong and to know right from wrong and what was going to be too much for me. He let me lead. He told me he'd taken in what I had said and what I had meant.
It felt so good to know that he had truly listened to me the past weeks and it felt even better going to bed that night and letting him hold me and not having a nagging fear that at any time he could just take from me what it was he wanted. He'd never do that. He wouldn't force me, or coerce me or even threaten me to do anything. And not just sexual things either. I knew that Edward would never insist I do anything, or say anything, that I didn't want to. I knew he was exactly what he appeared to be. He was good. Essentially a good man.
And knowing that had freed me in ways I hadn't expected.
Afterwards I'd been different. And not just because we'd come to an understanding that night. He knew I wanted him, I knew he wanted me, but we were both on exactly the same page about that, knowing it wasn't right to do anything about it while I was still in hospital and that there was all the time in the world for us to get this part of our relationship right.
We'd had a rocky start. Hell, we'd had a crap start. We were still going to have to navigate through some pretty tough times in the future, but this part, the physical part of our love, we could do this part right.
On Saturday morning Edward brought he cordless phone into my room and I got to listen as he spoke with Mr Benson about Joshua. He didn't have very much news for Edward, but the little that he did have was positive.
Mr Benson had submitted the forms and the investigation into Edward, me and the family was going ahead as planned. A few of the referees that Edward had named on the form had already been contacted by the department and from what Mr Benson was able to find out they had all given glowing references.
Edward was disappointed that the process was slow, but also elated that it had begun and that it all seemed to be going to plan.
That afternoon he took the staples out of my scalp and I was once again metal free. I had a shower straight away and loved the feeling of being able to properly massage shampoo and conditioner into my hair again. Later in the afternoon his dad gave the go ahead for the stitches in my breast to come out too. Edward said he'd remove them but I wasn't comfortable with that, so Carlisle did it, just as he'd done the first time round. I didn't panic this time, well, not as much as I had done before. I closed my eyes and tried to lie very still while he snipped them from my skin. It only took a few seconds and it didn't hurt at all and I think I did quite well with my nervousness and embarrassment.
We had a quiet day on Sunday too. A visit from Esme, Carlisle and Elizabeth and seeing as they'd once again come straight from church I got to see Elizabeth all dressed up in her 'Sunday best'.
Esme stayed for longer than normal, giving me another chance to feed Elizabeth by myself. Carlisle went to visit with some of his patients and Esme went to sit with Joshua for a little while which left Edward and I to be with the baby. It was wonderful. He slipped out of the room for a few minutes and returned with a plastic baby's bath!
He showed me what he had in it and I gushed with thanks as he pulled out baby soap and shampoo and a washcloth.
As we bathed her he told me all about his disastrous efforts in trying to bath her himself those first few days after I was admitted. We laughed and cooed and talked and joked the whole time she lay in the little bathtub.
I showed him how to hold her, the trick to washing her and holding her just right while you did it and he tried and succeeded for himself after a little practise. He smiled and I could tell how proud he was that he'd mastered it.
He helped me redress her and by the time Esme returned she was asleep between us in the bed. Edward rested his hand on her belly and we both just lay quietly and watched her snuffle through her dreams.
It was a magical day.
Monday was less 'magical' and more 'frustrating' than anything else. It started badly and got progressively worse. Having to say goodbye to Edward when he went to work was awful. After having him with me almost every minute of the weekend made parting on Monday morning worse. I knew I was being unreasonable – and the thought of what my hospitalisation was costing him kept me from begging him to stay. But only just.
I had my regular appointment with Pat and then with Kerry. They were both pleased that I'd gotten in the pool and even more pleased – stupidly I thought – that I was petulant and frustrated at having to still be an inpatient.
Kerry assured me it was a good sign. She insisted I was making terrific progress and that she was sure that I'd be going home on Friday.
Sandra too was pleased I'd gotten in the pool but she worked me hard during our session so by the time Edward arrived after work I was worn out. We had dinner together as usual but I was asleep way before he was.
Still, we woke together, side by side on Tuesday morning.
That day was better because I had Edward in on all my sessions. Kerry, for once, was complimentary about Edward and his role in my recovery. She praised him for including the family in our 'date' on Friday night and told us both that interacting within the larger group was the key to my learning how to working out for myself how to have the family I wanted.
I had a consult with the dietician and to my surprise I'd gained four and a half pounds since I'd last seen her. I didn't think I'd been eating any more or less than I was before, but she explained that a healthier mind meant a more healthy body and she was pleased to mark me off for discharge. On the proviso that I attend her clinic once a month for three months post discharge. It was a bargain I was happy to make.
One more tick on the clipboard. Always a fucking clipboard.
Wednesday was just as hard to say goodbye to Edward but I had something to look forward to in the shape of two hours with Elizabeth while Esme went to Port Angeles to run errands for herself.
Rose and Angus came midmorning, halfway through the visit, and since the weather was good that day we took the two children out into the garden for some sunshine. I undressed Elizabeth and lay with her on a blanket under the dappled shade of the tree. Angus ran and played and laughed and talked the whole time. He was lovely to be around and it was obvious that he adored Elizabeth.
I had a second dose of good karma in the afternoon because after 'Sandra the torturer' left I got to sit with Josh for a while. It was easy to see that he was so much better because he jabbered the whole time. He couldn't stop telling me all about Angus and how they'd built towers just to knock them down the night of the movie. I promised him that if Rosie brought Angus in to visit on Thursday that I'd bring them both by. He was so excited he called for his day nurse and told her all about his new friend Angus.
I wasn't in my room when Edward came back from work because I was with the occupational therapist in the gym. I never thought that would be where I'd find myself inside a hospital but when I was collected and told I'd be going to the gym for a session I had been sceptical.
But sure enough, high up in the hospital was a gym. A big one. I did a modified circuit and had to walk up and down an inclined ramp to prove that my mobility wasn't hampered by my rib injury anymore.
I returned to my room, and to Edward, with another tick in another box.
I fell asleep that night listening to Edward read from my novel. His smooth, silky voice had me wanting more, trying to force back sleep, but eventually I gave in and let it take me over.
Thursday too was a good day for me. Another tick in another box from Karen, the speech therapist, and then another from Narelle the audiologist. I had no trouble with the stupid test this time so she too marked me ready for discharge.
The dentist came to see me and I earned another gold star in another box because my teeth had resettled into my gums without issue. He checked over my diet and announced me fit for discharge as far as he was concerned.
Our session with Kerry went well despite Edward once again being castigated for plans he'd made in readiness for my return to his home. I hadn't known about it, but he'd organised a housekeeper so that I didn't need to do anything around the house either for myself or for Elizabeth. I wondered what Esme thought about that, but never got the chance to ask.
Kerry made it very plain to Edward that it wasn't a good idea, at least for now. She told him, very pointedly, that part of my recovery had to include being self sufficient. I thought that was a little bit strange seeing as I was going to be living with a family that wasn't my own and who was more than likely going to have to carry me both financially and emotionally for quite a while. How that fit into the bounds of self sufficient I didn't know.
I admitted to Edward that I was looking forward to doing everything for Elizabeth and for myself and to a lesser degree keeping house. He looked bothered by that but the only comment he made was that I should do whatever I needed to do. I knew he was only trying to make things as easy for me as possible, but I agreed with Kerry, if not completely, then mostly. I wanted to be normal and normal meant cooking and cleaning and learning to function inside a family. I couldn't learn that if someone else did everything for me.
I didn't gain a tick in the box from Kerry that day, but she assured me that if I was still in a positive frame of mind come Friday – and didn't suffer any emotional setbacks during the night - she'd sign the form. It was what I was clinging to for the rest of Thursday.
True to my word when Rosie came to visit with Angus we all went to spend some time with Joshua. He squealed in delight when he saw Angus walking down the centre of the ward but his attention quickly turned to Edward.
It was to Edward he reached when he wanted out of his confining crib. It was Edward he asked for more juice from. It was Edward's knee he wanted to sit on while I read both boys their story.
Surprisingly it was me he clung to and me he cried for when we had to leave for the night. I cried too. Edward looked close to tears himself but as was the norm for us he was the stronger of the two and got me back to my room and settled in time for dinner.
I worried a little that I was relying on him too much, both physically and mentally, but I had no other option. Besides the two children he was going to be my life and I hoped that I was going to be his too.
EPOV
It wasn't quite so hard to say goodbye to Bella come Friday morning. I knew it was the last time I'd have to say goodbye at the door to a hospital room for one thing and for another I now had a whole week to spend with her at home.
I took a week's worth of my massive – and previously unused - allotment of annual leave and decided I'd stay in the house with her for a while until I was sure she was settled. I wanted to be on hand for any meltdowns but mostly I just wanted to be a part of this for her, and for myself.
I didn't want to miss a moment of our first opportunity to be a family.
My time at the clinic, however, turned out to be pretty crap. I had a very full patient list because there were some patients I could only see on a Friday and they'd had to be shuffled to accommodate those patients who wouldn't be able to wait an entire week for another appointment with me. A few had agreed to see someone else, but most of them wanted to see only me. It was gratifying but also a pain in my already overloaded ass.
I halved the length of time I could spend with each patient just to cram them all into the eight hours I had and even then I didn't get a chance to stop for a break until well after my lunch hour had passed.
When I did get a break I was cranky and not good company at all. All I really wanted was to be at the hospital with Bella. I threw my lunch in my head as fast as I could and then returned to my patient list. I had twice as many to see as normal and I had to cram them into one afternoon's consulting. To say that my patients didn't quite get the best of my bedside manner that afternoon was the understatement of the century.
Right on four o'clock I was out of there. I had my files at reception as the clock ticked over the hour and with the good wishes of my colleagues I was out of there like a rat up a drainpipe. I drove home as steadily and as carefully as I could, just in case the law was watching, but once I hit the driveway I drove to the front of the house like a madman possessed.
Emmett had finished the renovations days ago and while Alice, Rosie and mom were still busy putting the finishing touches on the decorating I had things I wanted to do myself. I shoved them all out of the door and sent Alice off to the hospital to help Bella pack while I did my thing.
I unwrapped the new telephone and set it into the socket behind her bedside table. I lined up the pile of new DVD's and cd's I'd bought and then I helped bring all of Elizabeth's clothes and toys down to her new room.
It felt so wrong to be moving it all. While I hadn't spent a whole lot of time in my rooms with Elizabeth I had spent some and I'd liked it. I also liked knowing she was sleeping in the room next to mine. It would feel strange and a little bit lonely when I slept in my bedroom alone now. Having slept with Bella for a month I was going to miss her warm little body pressed up against mine now.
When all of Elizabeth's things were in her new room I helped mom hang the new paintings and straighten up the bathroom before heading off to town for one last errand. I'd promised Bella I would find where Renee rested and I intended to do just that.
BPOV
Saying goodbye to Edward was bittersweet on Friday morning. Seeing him walk down the corridor was both good and bad for me. Good because it was the last time he'd leave without me, bad because I had to face Kerry and convince her that I was well enough to go home.
In the end it was simple. She asked me what I wanted for my first night out of the hospital and I told her I wanted a good night's sleep in a place that I felt safe. She asked me where that was and I told her in the guest room at the Cullen house. She wrote something on the clipboard – I wouldn't miss clipboards – and nodded. Next she asked what my plan going forward was.
I'd thought hard about it all morning while I endured my last torture session with Sandra and had come to the conclusion that I didn't have or need a plan other than to continue to get well.
I told Kerry that and she asked me to explain it further. So I did.
I outlined what little plan I had, that I'd go home and do my best by Elizabeth and try my hardest to learn how to function within a working and loving family. I outlined how I was going to continue with my physical therapy, either at home or on an outpatient's level, and that once I was physically well I'd take stock and decide what I wanted to do from there.
I was nervous as she wrote on my file but her smile when she returned her eyes to mine told me I had the final tick in the final box. Soon after she announced me fit enough to go home. There was a proviso, of course. I had to continue with weekly therapy sessions with her, or another psychologist, for at least the next three months. Longer if I was still struggling with anything. She also suggested that Edward continue to talk with someone without me present, just to make sure that he was coping with the changes in his life too.
I had never been so pleased to be handed a report card before. The big 'cleared for discharge' written at the top of the page made me both ecstatic and apprehensive. Both totally normal reactions, so she told me as she was leaving. She wished me well, asked me to pass on her good wishes to my, and I quote, 'delicious hunk of man' and to also wish his parents well. While giggling I told her I would do just that.
I had a quick appointment with Ambrose and he announced my scarring to be minimal. He himself was impressed with the handiwork he'd done to repair my lip and cheek. That left only Ben Cheney, and that meant a full genealogical examination. I was prepared for that, as prepared as I was likely to ever get, but I was still petrified by the time he arrived.
As soon as I knew what time to expect him I sent a text to Esme asking her to please come. She was already on her way, bringing Elizabeth for a visit, and she made it in plenty of time which gave me a few minutes with Elizabeth before she was taken out of the room with the day shift nurses to be cooed and cuddled while I had my final exam.
Ben was very good, telling me that he'd be quick and that he'd only touch me as was necessary. I didn't even want that but made myself stay as calm as I could while I listened to him speak about what he was going to be doing, and checking for.
He wanted to make sure I'd healed sufficiently and that my internal sutures had all dissolved and had been passed. He also wanted to perform a routine Pap smear test and take blood and a urine sample. I was okay with all of that. I'd been poked and prodded over and over the past month and I just wanted this last hurdle cleared.
His nurse asked me to remove my clothing and slip on a gown and lie back down on my bed. Esme came to the head of the bed and held my hand firmly while Ben washed and dried his hands and slid on some gloves. The snapping sound made me jump but Esme was right there, whispering her support for me.
Actually opening my legs for him was hard. I was so embarrassed and desperately afraid to be seen, let alone touched, but Esme talked to me throughout and I managed to keep it together long enough for him to announce me healed and ready to go home.
The blood test was simple, if slightly painful, and the urine test was even easier now that I could take myself off to the bathroom under my own steam.
Ben wished us well and asked me to pass his best onto Edward. He said he'd be in touch in ten days or so with the results of my smear test and that I was not only cleared for discharge but also cleared to recommence sexual activity 'at my leisure'. I was mortified but Esme didn't bat an eyelid.
Once I was dressed in my own clothing once again, or at least the clothing Alice had bought for me, I felt better. Elizabeth was brought back in and I got to feed her and change her and play with her for a whole hour before she began to grizzle. Esme kissed me on the temple and told me how excited she was that I was coming home in a few short hours. She said she'd be back at six, when Carlisle would complete my obs and also clear me to leave, and that everything was ready for me at 'home'. I thanked her profusely and watched her wheel Elizabeth's pusher down the hall for the last time.
The further the day progressed the more nervous I got.
I desperately wanted to go home with the Cullen's, but by the same token I didn't want to leave the comfort and safety of the hospital. That included Joshua. Leaving him behind was going to be torture, knowing he'd not get a visitor unless we came to see him. I wanted to do that, very much, but I felt traitorous being excited about finally getting out of the hospital myself when I knew full well he wasn't going to be leaving yet.
The only consolation I had to work with was the knowledge that he wasn't going to go to some horrible children's home, that he wasn't well enough to be discharged and that by the time he was we might have some sort of court order telling us we could take him home with us. It was a slim chance but it was one both Edward and I were clinging to. It was one of the only instances where I hoped the Cullen clout would help.
At four Alice arrived. I was cross with her that she'd taken more time off work on my behalf, but she waved that away and said that her bosses were well aware that her sister in law was in hospital and that she'd been told to do whatever she needed to assist me. Being called someone's sister in law was surreal for me. With no siblings I never thought I'd be able to call myself that, or have nephews and nieces. I knew it was possible and even though when I married Jake I gained his two sisters and a fair few cousins and even a niece...but they had never embraced me or our marriage and probably rightly so. I'd never been allowed to have anything to do with them once Jake found out I was pregnant and none of them had contacted me since, so I let those relationships fall by the wayside as Jake continued to isolate me.
Now though I had options. I had family, two families if I counted the one I could have with my real father. I still wasn't too sure what to do about that and I'd decided days ago to just concentrate on getting out of the hospital, and then sort that out later. There was no hurry, Harry wasn't going anywhere and I had no way to go far myself.
So that left me with my pseudo-sister Alice who had brought two big empty bags to take all my things home.
She assured me that everything was ready for me to move straight into the guestrooms, and that I shouldn't call them that once I got there. Emmett had done a wonderful job and she spent a good half an hour telling me all about the remodelling job.
I learned that I now had two small rooms, one for me and one for Elizabeth and that he'd enlarged the bathroom to accommodate an actual bathtub, so I didn't have to carry Elizabeth up the main staircase and share Edward's bathroom – the only other bathroom besides Esme and Carlisle's that had an actual tub.
The thought of being close enough to Edward on a daily basis made me shiver with anticipation. I wasn't just eager to get home and learn, I also wanted to go forward with Edward. I'd waited long enough for him, and he for me, I figured we both deserved a shot and I wasn't going to pass up the chance to have it.
By five I was dressed in a pair of soft khaki pants and a white blouse, courtesy of Alice and I had my bags packed and the bathroom cleaned out of all my things. Edward had taken what was his when he went to work this morning so all that was left to do was wait.
I took the opportunity to spend a little more time with Joshua and I explained to him that I was going home but that we'd visit often. He was sad but didn't cry. It broke my heart when I realised that was probably because he was used to people leaving and never coming back. I promised him over and over that I wouldn't do that, that Edward wouldn't do that and he seemed to perk up a little. He went nuts when Rosie arrived with Angus. It was so nice to see him smile and laugh and play.
When Joshua's afternoon tea was delivered we left him to it. By the time Carlisle arrived for my last set of obs the room was full of Cullen's, and Whitlock's. Jasper had arrived to help fetch and carry and Emmett had come right from work. He wore a dark blue windcheater with the words "Cullen Inc" embroidered across the pocket in bright orange. He was filthy too but it didn't stop him from kissing me and hugging me tightly when he arrived.
Edward arrived a few minutes after Carlisle put the last tick in the last box on my discharge sheet. He was later than I thought he was going to be and arrived after everyone else. I had assumed he'd be first. He offered no details of how he'd filled in his hours after work and I wasn't in a position to ask it of him.
"Are you ready to go beautiful?" he whispered into my ear as he kissed me hello.
I gave him my biggest smile and said that I was more than ready to go.
That presented a problem, however. Everyone assumed I'd be travelling with them. They actually fought over whose car I was going home in. Esme said it made sense I'd go with her because she would have Elizabeth in her car with her. Edward said he had a car seat too and could just as easily take us both. Alice pouted and said she'd been first to arrive so I should go with her. Jasper said I should go with Alice because he didn't want to have to live with her mood if I didn't. Carlisle said I should go with him because he was still, officially, my doctor. Emmett said that was bullshit now that he'd signed the form and that I should go with him because he had the biggest, safest car. Rosie said I should be allowed to choose who I went with, but that she hoped it would be her.
I was at a loss. A month ago I didn't have anyone to talk to let alone lean on and now I had seven people vying for my attention! Talk about a feast or famine situation!
As diplomatically as I could I told them what I wanted.
"I'd like to go with Edward, if that's okay?" I said softly.
Edward beamed but had the good grace not to look too smug. "Of course it's okay. You can do whatever you want, baby," he whispered as he kissed my temple.
Nobody put up too much of a fight after that. It was all hands on deck, though, to get all my things into the various cars. Elizabeth was strapped into her car seat in Edward's car and Angus into Rosie's and everything else was spread pretty evenly between the cars. It would've all fit in Edward's, I didn't have that much, but Edward theorised that everyone wanted to feel a part of this and if they didn't take some of my things they'd have no reason to go to the house with us.
I chuckled to myself at that, thinking how wonderful it was that they each wanted to play a part in my going home.
I'd never seen Edward's car before but I wasn't shocked to see how luxurious it was. It even still smelled new. The seats were leather and very soft and it didn't bump along like my old truck did, it was smooth and quiet.
He held my hand across the centre console the whole way. The smug smile on his face said it all. I was nervous, so very nervous, but at the same time I was relieved. To not ever have to return to Jake or to my father and also that I had half a chance now.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked quietly.
I throw him a small smile before answering. "I am thinking how lucky I am."
He drags my knuckles to his lips and kisses them softly. "Exactly what I was thinking," he says, the smile returning to his lips.
I know where the house is and I know it's only a few minutes drive so when Edward turns right off their road I start to wonder where he's taking me. "Where are we going?"
He doesn't take his eyes off the road as he answers. "I made you some promises, I've sort of fulfilled two, dinner and the movie, I can make one more of them happen before we go home."
He pulls off to the side of the road and I see the sign for the Forks Cemetery loom out of the Washington gloom. "Oh," is all I can say.
I had believed, wholeheartedly, that he'd keep his promises to show me things I'd never seen or done, but I didn't think he'd mark three off in such a short time. He turned the car off and got out of his seat, coming around to my door. He holds it while I step down out of the high cab. "I can stay here with Elizabeth if you like," he says as he lets my elbow go.
"How will I find her?"
He nods towards the high metal gates. "Through there. Four rows along on your left. She's the sixth plot along. I'll be right here when you're ready."
I want to say thank you but I can't. My throat has closed over and I'm shaking a little with the emotion of today. It's dark already but there are tall lights all through the cemetery so I'm able to pick my way through the rows as I go along. It's all very well keep. Nice flowers adorn the gravesites and the paths are clear and have just been strimmed.
When I get to the fourth row I look back at the car. Edward is sitting in the backseat with Elizabeth so I know she's okay. I take a deep breath and head along the row, counting off the plots. I stop in front of the sixth one and see my mother's name. Renee Marie Swan. Her date of birth and the date she died is all there, engraved onto the dark marble headstone. There is a posy of yellow daisies sticking out of a clay vase at the base of the stone. There is no card so I have no idea who put them there, but I vow to bring more and often.
"Oh mom," I whimper as I kneel down in front of her final resting place. I look around and make sure nobody is watching, or can hear me, before I speak again. The place is totally deserted. "Mom, it's me, Bella. Isabella," I tell the woman who gave me life. "I'm so sorry I haven't come before, but I didn't know where you were." I sweep my hand across the marble and wipe away some dust and dirt. "But now that I do know I'll come often, I promise. Edward found you for me. He's a good man, mom. I'm going to be okay now. I'll bring Elizabeth next time. Oh mom," I cry.
EPOV
I hear her crying because the night is so still and we are a fair way off the road here, but I don't go to her. This is for Bella. She needs this. She needs to do this for herself. This afternoon I'd managed to find out where Renee had been buried by going to the court house in town. A register of all those in graves in the district is held there and it hadn't really been too hard to find the information I wanted. I had no date of death, or date of birth, but her name hadn't been too hard to find. Armed with the location all I'd had to do was make the trip myself so I'd know where to send Bella when the time came. I figured it needed to be today. I didn't want to hold onto the information any longer than was necessary and I wanted Bella to know as soon as possible in case she wanted to visit. In the end I'd made that choice for her, but she seemed willing. I knew then that I had to bring her here as soon as I could. It was one more promise I could keep to her and I needed her to know I could be taken at my word.
Elizabeth was happily gurgling away in her car seat so I kept a close eye on Bella but stayed with the baby. I saw Bella kneel on the grass and then I heard her crying softly. I wanted so badly to just go to her, but I kept my place in the back of my car. "Your mommy is doing so well little one," I told an oblivious Elizabeth. "You can finally have her at home with you now."
She just smiled up at me and made her usual gurgling sounds while stuffing her fist into her mouth. I put a hand onto her belly and took a calming hit of her baby smell.
I was so nervous for Bella. So worried that she wouldn't cope being at home, so scared that once she learnt all she wanted to she'd not want me anymore. So much could change for her, for us, and I would be powerless to do anything about it if Bella stretched her wings and found it wasn't me she wanted.
I hadn't lied when I told Kerry I just wanted her well again. I meant that with all my heart. But I wanted her to want me too, as part of the deal.
The thought of getting her well then her leaving us hurt so badly I had to draw in a ragged breath to steady myself as Bella walked back towards the car. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes red rimmed but she was smiling. She walked right to me as I got myself out of the backseat.
She slid her hand into mine and got onto her tip toes to kiss me softly on the lips. "Thank you, so much Edward. Thank you for giving me my mom," she whispered into my ear as she kissed me again on the cheek.
I let my hand slide over her hip and around to the small of her back, holding her firmly to me. "You're so welcome, baby."
She moved away a little and with a small smile said the words I'd waited a decade to hear. "Take me home Edward."
BPOV
They were all there by the time Edward pulled the car into the driveway. They'd left a space for us, despite there being a half dozen luxury cars lined up, so he was able to pull right up to the front porch.
I didn't find it difficult to walk anymore and I had hardly any pain in my ribs to speak of, but they were all doing their best to make things as easy for me as possible. I was grateful and vowed to make sure to tell them all that when I was settled.
Edward opened my door for me and he held onto my elbow as he walked me from the car to the front door. He ran back and collected Elizabeth from her car seat and then he opened the door wide. "Welcome home baby," he said proudly.
I was a little surprised not to see or hear anyone as I went into the foyer. I expected to be mobbed. I had been ready for it, but the place sounded deserted. Edward went past me and into the living room, beckoning me forward with his free hand.
The place hadn't really changed much since the last time I'd been here but here and there I saw new additions. A painting, a figurine, a new rug. But the general layout and the furniture was as it had been when I'd come to escape home all those years ago.
I knew that Alice' room used to be on the first floor and that Edward's parents room was on the top floor, the whole top floor. I'd never seen it but I knew where it was. I also knew that Edward now had the whole first floor to himself. My room was on the ground floor, off the kitchen and down a little hallway. Everyone had told me that over the past few days, how convenient it was going to be for me. Edward led me past the dining room and into the kitchen. Again I expected to see the family there, but it was as empty as the living room had been.
"Where is everyone?" I ask.
"Outside I think," he says and leads me out through the double glass doors that I know lead to the backyard and the pool house.
Sure enough they are all there. Party hats on their heads, streamers at the ready, a giant banner strung between two of the supporting poles that reads 'welcome home girls'.
I can feel the sting of tears as they begin to shout and cheer for us. In turn they come to me and kiss me, hug me and tell me how happy they are to finally have me home. Esme holds me the longest and squeezes my hand as she tells me that I should just take my time and settle in.
This seems to be some sort of signal because as soon as the party starts it's ending. Rosie and Emmett are taking Angus home for his dinner and his bath. Alice and Jasper are away to their house and then out for dinner with some friends. Carlisle and Esme are going to dinner in Port Angeles. They all shout their good luck, their good wishes and their goodbyes and one by one they leave us there on the decking.
Edward at my side, my daughter in his arms. I was, all at once, scared excited and nervous for what was to come.
I'd never been more ready to take this next step.
I had a family. At last. People who cared enough about me to just let me be, to get my bearings, to explore my new space on my own terms. A family who understood how frightening and how anxious this was going to make me. A family who recognised the need for Edward and I to do this part together, as a little family within a bigger one, to settle myself and Elizabeth into our new home.
I reach for Edward's hand and give it a squeeze. "Show me," I say softly.
His smile lights up his whole face. "Come on, you're going to love it."
He tugs my hand gently and I follow him back through the double doors, through the kitchen and down the little hall that leads to my new rooms. I'd slept in the guest room a hundred times but nothing prepared me for what I saw when Edward threw the door open.
A huge bed dominated the room. It had a gold comforter and a dozen matching pillows piled high at the headboard. Two oak tables stood on either side sporting glass shaded lamps.
Bookcases stacked two rows deep lined the wall between two enormous floor-to-ceiling windows, through which I could see out into the yard and across to the pool house.
A small writing desk and a pair of over-stuffed armchairs were in one corner and in the other was a loveseat and a flat screen television on a matching oak cabinet. It was stunning and beautiful and far, far too much.
"We tried to think of what you'd need. I hope we got it right," Edward said softly.
All I could do was nod. I'd never seen anything so right before. It was simple and I loved it. I went to the edge of the bed and ran my hand over the silk comforter. It was soft and smooth and clean. "It's perfect," I whispered, still looking around the room and still finding new things that I'd missed on the first look. There was a painting of pale cream roses on the wall above the desk but above the television there was a frame but no picture. I pointed to it, "That one's empty?"
"It's for portraits. You say when and someone will come and take one of you and Elizabeth." He answered as though it was an everyday occurrence.
"It's too much," I mumble under my breath. "All I we needed was somewhere to sleep."
Edward crosses the room and lies Elizabeth down on my bed then he takes my hand. "And now you have somewhere to sleep. And somewhere to watch TV, somewhere to have quiet time, somewhere to write or email or just read."
I lean across and rest my head on his shoulder. "Thank you."
It's all I have to offer. A simple thank you. It will never be enough.
"Come and see Elizabeth's room." He's on his feet and scooping the baby up and marching through the door on the right of my room.
I follow as though I'm about to go through the looking glass. Edward holds the door for me and then I'm standing in a pale pink wonderland. It's everything I'd ever wanted for my baby. A beautiful circular crib stood in the centre of the room and a matching changing station and wardrobe were against the far wall. There was a rocking chair and a small bar fridge with a tiny sink and work surface beside it. There were toys piled high on top of a toy box and the walls were adorned with roses on bright green vines. They looked hand painted!
"So, what do you think? Alice did it."
"It's beautiful," I whisper as I move around the room. "A fridge?" I ask.
"We thought you could keep her formula in it so you didn't need to come out into the main house if you didn't want to." He shrugs as though it's no big deal.
But it is. It's a very big deal. "It's too much," I say again.
He laughs this time. "That you'll have to take up with mom, Rosie and Alice. I didn't have a hand in this part." He lies Elizabeth down into her crib and pulls the blankets up around her. I watch as he pats her bottom and waits until she's settled. She'll still need a bottle later but for now she seems happy enough. "Come and see the bathroom," Edward says quietly, reaching for my hand and pulling me back through Elizabeth's door and back into my room. "It's through there." He points to the door on the left hand wall of my room.
I find myself in a totally white room. Almost is white. The tub, the tiles on the walls, the toilet and basin, even the vanity unit and its cabinet are totally white. The only splash of colour is a neat stack of red towels on a low bench built into the window sill.
"Emmett and Rosie did this part. The bench is so you can sit while Elizabeth is in the tub. When she's older of course, and able to sit on her own. They didn't want you to have to kneel on the tiles. The big window was my idea." He beams as I turn my gaze to the floor length window.
It had an acre of floaty lace hanging from a white painted rod hanging almost at the ceiling height which made the window look even taller. Not that it needed to. It was huge. It was also frosted. "It's gorgeous," I tell him.
"In winter, when it's snowed, you'll get good light through there and in summer it won't be too hot because of the frosting," he tells me proudly. "Don't worry though, nobody can see you through that."
"It's amazing. Thank you so much." I tell him and lead him back into my room.
It's so hard to imagine this is my space. It's so beautiful I know I'm never going to want to leave it. Apart from eating I'll want to spend a lot of time in these rooms.
"So..." he trails off. He's got his hands shoved deep into his pockets and he's rocking on his heels. I can tell he's nervous, or embarrassed, probably both. "I guess I'll leave you two to get settled then. All your things are here," he points towards the door and sure enough all my bags, and Elizabeth's, are there leaning against the wall. "I'll be up in my room, just shout if you need something." He heads towards the door, turns abruptly and I hope he's coming back to kiss me, but he's not. Instead he holds out his hand and in it is a shiny brass key. He lets it fall into mine. "There is a spare in the safe in dad's office, but this is the only other one. Nobody will come in unless they are invited, I promise."
He nods once but then he's gone and I'm alone in my new room.
I turn around and around once again, taking in all the finer details I've missed. There is a phone on the bedside cabinet. I've got my own phone! There are DVD's and books and magazines, cd's and even a deck of cards under the coffee table. I go through to Elizabeth's room – she's already asleep she's so comfortable in this house – and see that there is a bowl of fruit on the counter. In the little fridge are four made up bottles of formula as well as two long thin bottles with labels on. They both say 'boiled and sterile' and they both hold water. The small cupboard above the sink yields about twenty cans of formula and a kettle with packets of coffee, tea and sugar. Two dainty cups and saucers are lined up on a pink trivet on the counter top and in a drawer there are spoons and napkins. The next cupboard along holds bags of cookies, chips and about a hundred little packages of dried fruits. I've got my own food!
It's so surreal. Like a hotel room, I imagine.
I pat Elizabeth on her bottom once or twice then go back to my room. I stand in the centre and just look for a few minutes. I'm going to live here, I think.
Before I unpack and settle in there is one thing I have to do. I pocket my key and pull the unlocked door shut behind me as I leave. I take the stairs two at a time, careful to miss the one that creaks. I knock quietly on Edward's door and wait, my bottom lip between my teeth.
He answers in seconds and his grin as he pulls me into his arms is to die for. "I love you," I groan into his waiting mouth as his lips cover mine.
A/N: A long time coming, this chapter, I know. Forgive me. Another wrong turn in the real world and my writing has been turned upside down, again.
Thank you to everyone who has wished my Mr Maxi well, your thought and care is much appreciated.
An extra special thank goes out to Patchar and Scrapjul for bringing us dinner! You two ladies have a very special place in my heart.
Please review.