I do not own Twilight.
I love posting stories with short chapters because it's so much easier to update sporadically.
And, as promised, I will not leave you hanging after that last chapter. Patience is key in all things ;)
Also, happy mother's day to all moms and guardians out there. We would be nowhere without you.
I'm trying to keep hold of myself as I, for once, stare at Edward with the same intensity he's been watching me with. The light in his eyes is still there, as is the optimism, but it quickly turns to doubt as I say, "I'm not lying."
I try to make my face as even as possible.
I know I'm a terrible liar, but what's worse is I don't know my gives because any time I had ever asked Edward, he never told me. He'd only smirk and kiss away any questions.
The doubt that shrouds his face loosens and I know I'm losing.
"I love Mike," I say, and that stops him in his tracks.
By the look on his face, he can tell I'm not lying this time.
"You don't," he disagrees and I'm angry that he would even argue this.
"I've been with him for a year," I say, my voice flat. "I love him."
Edward's jaw clenches and his eyes harden.
"Time doesn't equate to love," he states, and he's right. I know he is, but that doesn't mean I don't love Mike.
At a loss for words, I glance at Beth, hoping she'll help, but she seems in a state of shock. She shakes it off quickly when she catches my gaze.
"No," she says slowly, looking away from me to Edward. His eyes snap to hers, almost as though he had forgotten she was here. He slouches further in his seat, cuffed hands clasped before him. The picture of indifference, once more.
"You're right," she continues. "Time doesn't equate to love, but over time, one can fall in love, don't you agree?"
Edward doesn't answer, so she tries a different approach as I sit, arms crossed heatedly. She turns back to me.
"What are some of the qualities you love about Mike?"
I can practically hear Edward's teeth clench together and even I'm a bit uncomfortable with the question because, honestly, I don't know what to say.
"He's…" I start, and then clear my throat, uncrossing my arms. "He's sweet and caring. He watches out for me. He listens to me," sometimes. "And my mom likes him."
It's a low blow; I know because Edward flinches and for a second I want to take it back because I didn't mean it like that, but I leave it to hang in the air because, if Beth is correct in that making him move on will be better for him in the long run, I'm willing to hurt him to help him.
Beth smiles genuinely. "He seems like a very sweet young man," she says and I nod and try not to cry again because I know what I'm doing to him, what I'm putting him through, isn't fair.
"I do love him," I say directly to Beth this time because I need someone in the room to believe me because I know Edward doesn't.
She starts to say something, but Edward interrupts.
"I'd like to go back to my cell," he says. His voice is calm, but there's a hint of the carefully constructed anger there as well, the same anger that boiled to life the day he was arrested.
"We still have twenty minutes left of this session, Edward," Beth says, and again she's using that strange maternal tone to her voice.
"I don't want to listen to this," he states, and it's a conclusion.
"You have to listen to this, Edward," Beth says. "This is the closure that you need, is it not? You need to understand that Bella has moved on; that she is happy." She glances at me for direction.
I nod and look back at Edward, study the hard line to his jaw, the perfect curve to his mouth, the furrowed brow. He doesn't look at me and it's like our roles have reversed in a way.
"I'm happy," I say to him.
Finally, his eyes cut to me and the depth to his anguish disintegrates me. I feel like I'm slipping right through my chair; like there's no floor to catch me. I'm free falling into nothing.
"Why are you doing this to me?" he asks, his voice small, velvet, darkly beautiful.
"Doing what?" I ask, but he only stares at me, his brow furrowing even more. A deep frown sets to his lips.
"Doing what?" I repeat, because I know he's shutting down again.
I scoff and lean forward in my seat. "The last time I was here, you told me you wanted me to be happy. Is that not true?" I ask.
He doesn't say anything, and neither does Beth.
"There are conditions to my happiness, right?" I demand. "As long as it's with you, I can be happy."
He doesn't answer, but I can see a battle going on inside his mind and I'm suddenly exhausted. I lean back again and cover my eyes with my hand. All I want is to go home, take a hot bath, and go to sleep.
"I'm not doing the silent treat—" I start to say, but he cuts me off.
"Why are you acting like what we had was nothing?" he's demanding, his voice level but his words piercing.
My mouth goes dry because I don't know how to answer that. I can't lie and say that what we had was nothing, because we both know how it was.
We were consumed by our emotions; consumed with love and need for each other that it was nearly destructive.
"Instead of harboring on what you had, let's talk about what you have now," Beth says, trying to steer the conversation away from the direction it is clearly heading, but Edward's already on his feet.
I suck in a breath, out of fear, anger, guilt? I'm not sure, but I'm terrified of the response from the guard as he quickly enters the room, but he only grabs Edward's arm to keep him from doing anything stupid, though he's hardly doing anything at all other than standing in front of his chair, staring at the wall behind me.
I can feel his anger from where I sit; I can also feel the uncomfortable anguish. The torture, the pain leaking directly from his fissured heart. My own heart throbs in response and I try to keep my breathing even.
His eyes turn down to me for a second and I can see the tears forming, his eyes misted with his torment.
"What we had was everything, Bella," he says quietly, "and it still is no matter how much you try to lie to yourself."
He looks away from me in a way that makes it seem like he can't even bear to be around me, and nods to the guard. It's a single movement, hard and certain. The guard takes him by the upper arm and escorts him through a different metal door.
The door doesn't even shut all the way before I break down.
Beth's presence is there, but she's no comfort at the moment.
"It's part of the process, Bella," is all she says.