Chapter 34
She Said

"I'll fight to my last breath, but they'll kill me. I refuse to do it for them. And I'll be damned if you die protecting me. Again." The words in that whiskey soaked voice reverberated around my head as we fought through the station toward my ship. Legion had commed the other teams The Normandy's location while we ran, so that we were able to converge on the bay.

"What took you so long?" Jacob quipped to Garrus as his team was the last to arrive.

"We ran into some old friends. Threw them an explosive welcoming party, too."

"Good to hear." I smiled at the approval in Jacob's voice.

I stuck my head around the corner and almost fainted in surprise. I ducked back and looked at my command team, then Kaidan. "Well, either they decided our ship wasn't worth dying for any more, or it's a trap. There's only two guards."

"You're welcome, " Jacob answered my observation.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. "Good job, then, Mr. Taylor." I wanted to just race across the docking bay to the umbilical that held my ship connected to this station. I held myself back, though, as I signaled for Thane and Kasumi to take out the two guards at the entrance to the bay. Every instinct was screaming at me that this was a trap. I motioned for the rest of my team to proceed cautiously. Joker crouched down next to me as the team began to leapfrog across the bay. I hoped he could get back up again.

"How much longer? I haven't been able to check on EDI."

"Shouldn't be too long. I hope. I-"

Miranda's voice shouted across the bay, interrupting me. "Shepard! You need to see this!" I exchanged a startled glance with Joker and helped him to his feet. Tentatively, my pistol at the ready, and Joker behind me, we crossed the open space to the rest of my team. When I got to them, I glanced at Kaidan who merely looked at me, his lips tight and his jaw set. Now what?

When I reached Miranda's position, I stifled the urge to groan. Some days, it got old having to shoot through every merc in the galaxy. In front of the airlock leading to what Legion had assured me was my ship, were rows of Blue Suns, lined up phalanx-style. I flopped down with my back to the crate next to Miranda. "Well, this should be interesting." I looked at my team, crouched down with me. They'd already gone through hell and back on an unsung mission to save people who would never know and who would probably never care. A bunch of mercs weren't really going to be an issue for them, no matter how well-fortified they were. Could I ask them to do one last thing for me? I met Kaidan's eyes. They were carefully neutral, merely watching me. I kept my face blank and looked back at him. Yep. See? We could pull off the two strangers thing. Totally.

"Jack, Samara... I need a barrier. A strong one. Nothing like the one you had to hold on the Collector Base, but it needs to make me bullet proof." I glanced over and caught Jack's predatory grin and saw Samara's cool nod out of the corner of my eye. "Ready?" They both nodded and moved in their mnemonics. I felt the charge of the barrier behind my ears as I rolled out of cover to stand up. The Blue Suns, predictably, opened fire.

Not a single bullet touched me.

I stood there, while their weapons clicked empty and their human leader finally held up his hand and shouted, "Quit wasting ammo, you assholes!" He turned to face me, "What do you want?"

"Are you really being paid enough to die?" He blinked at me, considering. "We've killed almost everyone else on this station. Your team, right there? Not much of a challenge. All we want is our ship."

He wavered for a moment. "Cerberus will kill us."

I shrugged. "They'll kill you anyway. I'm at least giving you the chance to run." I looked at his men. "You have two choices, run now and hope you can outrun Cerberus, or die here." I led my eyes back to their leader. "Pick one."

Swallowing nervously, the leader lowered his gun. "I have your word?"

"Of course." I gestured for Jack and Samara to keep the bubble up, though. "Grunt, Legion, collect their weapons. Tali, get their omni-tools." I looked over the double row of mercs, "I assume none of you are biotics?" Tentatively, a couple raised their hands and I felt my eyebrows climb into my hairline in surprise. "Miranda, Thane, Jacob, isolate them, please." My team approached the mercs cautiously, but authoritatively. It wasn't until Legion signalled that the last had been disarmed that I told Jack and Samara to drop the bubble. Both looked worn out.

"That was impressive," the whiskey soaked voice said behind me. I tried not to let the thrill down my spine show as I turned slightly to look at him. Would there ever be a time I wouldn't feel that?He nodded his head at the Blue Suns. "Not a shot fired."

"Not everything I do has to end in gunfire, Kaidan," I told him, sadly.

He looked at me and I wasn't able to read the expression on his face. "Just most things."

"Yeah, most things." I looked away, focusing on my team. "I need to get Chakwas from the Concorde.How can we pick her up?"

"I'll send her on the shuttle with your cargo when I get back."

"Thank you."

See? Professional acquaintances. So why does my stomach burn and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry?

Legion and Tali had disappeared to the AI's housing with my omni-tool, Joker fussing over them like a mother hen. I stood in my "office, " for once without purpose or direction. Now that I had my ship back, what then? How would I go about mustering the galaxy against a threat no one but a handful believed in? My in-box message alert blinked silently at me from my desk. I didn't want to go look at it yet, though. It was either Hackett yelling at me or The Illusive Man chastising me.

Kaidan hadn't left yet. At least, no one told me he had. Was I hiding up here away from him? There was a tiny possibility I was, yes. I straightened my black shirt. No more hiding. I spun on my heel, determined to make sure Kaidan left the ship in the most professional manner I could muster.

The door opened and I couldn't stop the short gasp that escaped. Speak of the devil and he appears. "Kaidan!" He was still wearing his armor. That's right, he had nothing here to change into.

"Shepard." He paused. Damn, he's cute when he's uncertain. Stop that!"I need a straight answer."

I shook my head and turned back into my cabin. "Kaidan..."

"Don't 'Kaidan' me! Tell me the truth. Once and for all. I just... " His boots on the deck indicated he followed me into my room and the door closed behind him. This wasn't quite the way I wanted him to see my cabin. "That whole thing at the dock was way too easy! Either the Illusive Man's playing you for a fool, or you're playing me for one!"

I clicked my jaw shut after it fell open at his accusation. I turned to glare at him. "Kaidan, either you trust me, or you don't. We keep doing this same dance over and over. And I'm tired of the steps."

"You worked for them, for God's sake. How am I not supposed to think that this is all some sort of game?" He crossed his arms. His posture was defensive, but his brown eyes begged me to help him believe in me. I wasn't sure I could. Or wanted him to.

"I used them, Kaidan. Used them to take down the Collectors. Just as I've been telling you all along."

"There's more to it. They rebuilt you! I saw the vids. Your team made sure of that. They gave you everything you needed. And down there at the docks? How do I know that wasn't a show for my benefit?"

I laughed at that. "Kaidan, other than this hunt for my ship, I've had no contact with Cerberus. And you've been with me, every step of the way for that. If I'd contacted them, tell me the man who built a trojan that would fool a geth and a quarian engineer wouldn't find it. Tell me."

I scrubbed my face and dropped my hands at my sides. "They made a significant investment in me, in Joker, and in EDI and the Normandy. They wanted to recoup their losses. So they stole what they could. You don't trust them? Fine, neither do I. I'm done trying to explain myself, Kaidan. I'm done trying to put us back together." I shook my head. "I can't prove a negative. If you're still willing to condemn me, I can't do anything to convince you otherwise. I've been honest with you from the moment we ran into each other on the Citadel. I never set out to steal your ship from you. I just did what I had to do." I looked up at him. "The cost was high, but if I can save everyone from the Reapers who's to say a broken heart isn't the cheaper price?"

He stood silently, his arms still crossed over his chest. I waited. Waited for him to say something. Waited for him to storm out. Waited for him to make up his mind. He dropped his arms and stepped closer to me. "If what you say is true, scan your ship. Carefully. Thoroughly. God only knows what that bastard left behind for you. Maybe the Blue Suns were ordered to surrender the ship to you? Hell, who says you're not a puppet, controlled by The Illusive Man himself?"

"Really? After all this?"

He shook his head. "All what, Shepard? You've explained your side to me. We talked, we fought. We argued. None of this makes any sense!" He held up a hand when I opened my mouth. "Don't try to explain more. It won't make any more sense than it has already."

I looked down at my boots and ran my fingers through my hair in irritation. "Then... why, Kaidan? Why come up here to talk to me? Why not just leave?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at me out of the corner of his eye. "Because I meant what I said, I love you. Still. Even after everything that's happened and that we've said to each other." He looked away and I fought the urge to pull him to me and hold on as long as I could. "I just... I didn't want to leave angry with you." He turned back to me. "A... broken heart doesn't outweigh the rest of the galaxy, but I'm really damned tired of us being the ones to pay the price to save it."

I stared at him for a moment. "Me, too." Then took a chance and stepped closer. "I didn't want you to leave angry either. I was on my way down to say good bye."

He looked down at me, the armor giving him a bit more height than usual. "I just want ask, one last time. Is the person I followed to hell and back, the person I loved - are you still in there?"

My eyes burned and my vision got blurry. I had been acting bizarre, I guess, as far as he was concerned. The Avery he knew wouldn't ever have stolen his ship. Though she probably would have been just as emotionally awkward. I swallowed and stared up at him. "They didn't change me, Kaidan. Or how I feel about you." I blinked and felt a tear trail down my cheek. I ignored it. Something was irritating my eyes. That's all."But nothing I say can convince you. I want you to know - I need you to know - I love you." I laughed, sadly, briefly. "But then, you were always stubborn."

He yanked his glove off and reached up to wipe the tear from my cheek. "I'm stubborn? You're trying to single handedly stop the invasion of galactic machines who've slaughtered countless civilizations and I'mstubborn?"

I smiled, relishing the feel of his hand on my cheek. "Yes. You are. But you have a nice ass, so I'll let it slide."

He laughed. The first genuine laugh I'd heard from him since before Virmire. I wanted to take that sound and bottle up and keep it with me. His hand moved to cup my chin. "I'm going to miss you."

"I know. But you'll always have a place. Here. With me."

"Good." His thumb traced my cheekbone. "You'll need all the allies you can get."

"Try not to ruin the moment with business."

"Is that what I was doing?" His head tilted and he looked at my lips.

"I think you owe me a kiss good bye."

"You're right. I'd hate to disappoint you... ma'am." His hand slid up into my hair he pressed his lips gently against mine, lightly. I think he meant to keep it short, but our bodies had other ideas. The second time his lips touched mine, his arm wrapped around behind my back, pulling me tight against him. I grabbed onto his shoulders as he straightened up, his suit-augmented strength lifting me effortlessly. I slid my hands up and into his hair, trusting him to hold on to me. My heart pounded in my ears and I slid my tongue along his lips until he let me in. My blood caught on fire and my skin tingled as we both flared inadvertently.

I don't know how long we kissed, but by the time we came up for air and he sat me on my feet, my knees wouldn't support my weight and he was flushed and breathing heavy. "That, uh... remind me to say good-bye to you more often."

"Only if you don't stay gone." I grabbed onto his shoulders and rested my head against his forehead.

"I won't. I promise."