A/N: The setting of this chapter is still Narita mostly, but now that the battle is over. Our heroes and Zero will have to face the aftermath of what they caused and what they failed to prevent. Anyway on to the chapter.

(As of 2/9/14: Small note here. I made a slight error while editing one of my earlier chapters and added an outfit description for Rei in a place where there hadn't been one before. I couldn't remember what she had been wearing, so I made up something new...only to find out that I put in the description in this chapter...and it's totally different from the one in the earlier chapter. I'll change it in the earlier chapter later to fit what I have here, but I thought I should let everyone know ahead of time.)

Disclaimer: Too lazy to write disclaimer for this chapter. If you want to read a disclaimer please refer to the chapters that I've written in the past. If not skip to the chapter. Hope you'll enjoy it.

Chapter 36

State of Shock

Suzaku P.O.V

The things that I had seen only moments ago made no sense to me. If anything the whole experience was traumatizing and now my knightmare was going berserk because of it.

First my father is alive, then I see Lelouch, and then Rei shows up and has her own traumatizing experience with that Chad guy, who I'm guessing is someone close to Rei who died.

But why were Lelouch and Rei there at all? And what of the green-haired girl?

It took me a few minutes to calm down, but the Lancelot was still moving of its own accord. Suddenly, a red flaming arrow crashed the Harkin blaster to bits. My energy filler quickly ran out after that, which I was grateful for given the circumstances, though Lloyd is going to have a fit about the Harkin blaster being destroyed.

A minute later I emerged from the Lancelot's cockpit, glancing over the area for Zero, but he was nowhere in sight. I did manage to catch sight of Sailor Mars, although she didn't look too good from my standpoint. I wasn't really worried about her, but I had never seen Sailor Mars look so exhausted or pale. If anything, it was disorienting and that was the last thing I needed given what had just happened.

"Suzaku, are you okay?" she asked sounding as weak as she looked.

"Yeah," I lied, hopping to the ground.

"Good."

The silence that followed was awkward, but when I noticed her arm bleeding, I scowled at her.

She blinked in confusion. "What's with that look?"

"You shouldn't have come Sailor Mars," I stated, gently grabbing her injured arm.

She pulled her arm away. There wasn't much force to the movement, but I let her go. "I'm okay Suzaku. It's not like I've never gotten hurt before."

"You don't look okay to me," I told her, staring into her violet eyes. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Her eyes widened at that and then she closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them she simply turned away.

I took a small step toward her. "Are you alright?"

"Suzaku…I..."

"Sailor Mars! Suzaku!

Suddenly the Royal Guard appeared. General Guilford and General Darlton arrived. Along with them were Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, and Sailor Jupiter.

"Sailor Moon!" Sailor Mars exclaimed, smiling at her friend. The smile was clearly false, but I understood that she probably needed to fake her emotions for the sake of the emotionally unstable member of the team.

Sailor Moon hopped off of General Darlton's knightmare in a haste. Without any hesitation she tackled Sailor Mars, hugging her tightly.

"Are you okay Sailor Mars!?

"Yeah, just cut my arm a little," Sailor Mars replied a bit breathlessly. "Sailor Moon, I can't breathe..."

"Did you two catch Zero?" General Guilford asked as Sailor Moon released the other sailor.

"Well, we would have if not for the Lancelot going crazy," Sailor Mars told him while glaring at me.

"It wasn't my fault," I muttered.

"Please I saw it all," she whispered her eyes suddenly distant. Seriously, is this girl bi-polar?

"We should head back," Sailor Moon stated. "Princess Euphemia is worried about you too."

I blushed but didn't reply. No need to bring up the subject of me having any kind of crush on the princess with the generals around.

Back at the base

Rei P.O.V.

I tried not to grimace or comment about any discomforts I had, but the sting of the rubbing alcohol was just a bit too much for me to bear.

"Ouch! That stings Miss Cecile!"

"You wouldn't have to go through this if you were more careful Sailor Mars," Cecile pointed out, wrapping my arm in bandages after cleaning my wounded arm with.

"You're right, but it still hurts," I replied with a small, forced laugh. I looked over at Suzaku, who was speaking with Euphemia. He looked just about as pale as I did, and that definitely wasn't good. He was trying to put on a good front for the princess, but I knew that she could tell that something was wrong with him. The light in his green eyes had faded, his smile almost as forced as mine. Outwardly, we were both only slightly shaken up by everything that had occurred today.

I won't speak for Suzaku, but inside I'm screaming in anguish. I'm not sure how I'm ever going to deal with the heartache filling my soul.

"You let me die!"

Those words won't get out of my head. That vision had shaken me to the core, and I could barely stand it. Chad had appeared before me as a ghost, telling me that I had let him die.

"That's not true," I thought to myself. "There wasn't enough time."

I had said the same thing to Chad, or thought it rather since I couldn't speak when he appeared, but I know he heard me.

I also remembered my head suddenly throbbing. I remembered sinking to the ground and clutching my head. I don't know what happened after that. I woke up to see the Lancelot going crazy and C.C. protecting Zero, or Lelouch rather. I knew for sure that it was him now and though I still wanted to blame him for what happened to Chad, I no longer could. Chad's words had been true. I let him die.

Thing is, I had the magic mirror strapped to my waist the whole time. All it would have taken for me to save him and my grandpa would have been to use it at the top of the hill once I saw them both. I could have used it to swoop in and get Chad and then simply open up a portal once I got close enough to my grandpa. If I had done that, Chad would still be alive, end of story.

His death is my fault.

"Sailor Mars?"

Turning I met Serena's gaze. Her eyes were filled with concern.

"Don't worry Sailor Moon," I told her, forcing another smile. "I'm okay now."

Normally I'm a pretty good liar, but even an airhead like Serena could see that I was messed up. She laid her hand on my shoulder as Ms. Cecile finished bandaging the lower half of my arm.

"Thank you Miss Cecile," I said, reaching for my glove and putting it back on. After that I stood while letting my cape fall over my shoulders. With a small sigh, I glanced at Suzaku again to make sure that he was mentally stable. I did this mostly because my mental stability had been pretty much lost after that vision and I wanted to be sure that he wasn't as traumatized. Then again, it's not like he's responsible for anyone's death. His whole reason for even being a soldier is to save lives. Knowing him, no matter how dire the situation, he would have found a way to save Chad and my grandpa.

I don't know how I'm going to cope with what I've done.

Serena and I, as well as the other Sailor Scouts went over to Suzaku and Euphemia. Knowing Serena she would probably gossip about how Suzaku and Euphie were going to get together. Whatever, that's the least of my worries.

"Sailor Mars!" Euphie exclaimed, rushing to hug me. She reminded me of Serena when she did that. Both Serena and Euphie were a lot to deal with at times, but they were also kind. The only real difference between Euphie and Serena was that Euphie had more control over her appetite and she was less of an airhead.

I'll admit it, Euphie is growing on me. If you ignore the fact that she's a spoiled princess, she's a good and likeable person.

"I'm glad that you made it Sailor Mars," she stated after hugging me.

"Thank you," I replied. I glanced at Suzaku again. He still looked pale, but at least he was smiling genuinely now. That made me feel a little bit better.

Euphie took a step back, glancing at all of us. "I should be thanking you. All of you."

"It was no problem," Serena proclaimed, winking at her. "It's what we do."

"Suzaku's the real hero," I joked, playfully shoving Serena.

"Oh, come on Sailor Mars! Can't we take a little credit when it's given to us?" Serena asked.

"That is true though," Euphie stated with a smile. "You saved my sister and for that I'm very grateful Suzaku."

"Thank you your highness," Suzaku replied, bowing slightly.

Euphie nodded, turning away slightly. "I have to be going now, but we'll see each other soon." She began walking toward the exit of the reserve base.

"Goodbye Princess Euphemia," Ami called.

Euphie waved back at us, then disappeared into the elevator.

Once she was gone, Lita let out a long sigh, "We should probably get going too Sailor Mars."

"Okay," I agreed. "Are you sure you're going to be okay Kururugi?" I put a hand on my hip to emphasize the question.

"Yeah, you guys go on ahead," he said with a shrug. A noticeably stiff shrug.

"Okay, see you later," I replied, leading the way out of the base.

I found it odd that I pretty much had a normal conversation with everyone when everything around us was destroyed. Narita was like a wasteland now and the man responsible got away. Still, I found it hard to blame him for any of this now, especially after that vision. Earlier I had been so angry that I hadn't really thought of the circumstances of the events that transpired here today. It's not like Zero had started the battle. Cornelia and her forces had been attacking the Japan Liberation Front HQ. They initiated the battle.

However, I couldn't really blame Cornelia either. She didn't cause the landslide, Zero did.

And with that being said, I had no one left to blame for Chad's death.

Except myself.

Because what it boils down to is that I didn't use every resource I had to save his life. I abandoned him.

I shook my head, forcing the issue out of my mind for the time being...especially given the fact that once we were outside the base we were left with a bit of a problem.

"Sailor Mars, how are we supposed to get the motorcycle back to the Tokyo Settlement?" Serena asked.

"I'll drive the motorcycle back to the Tokyo Settlement," I stated immediately.

"You sure?" Lita asked. "It'll take you a lot longer to get back than us if you drive instead of taking the train.

"Yeah, you guys should hurry and catch a train," I said getting on the motorcycle before they could say anything more.

Of course what they didn't know was that I still had my magic mirror. So after driving a few minutes, I transformed back to normal and told the mirror to take me and my motorcycle to the parking lot outside my house in the Tokyo Settlement.

When I arrived, I was happy to see that Haruka and the other outer Sailor Scouts weren't here. I needed some time alone.

After going in, I took in the scene of my once immaculate house. Now it just looked like a sorority house. Brushes and nail polish littered the coffee table in the living room, magazines were scattered throughout the floor, the kitchen had collected a big pile of dirty china, and the T.V. had been left on.

Now a good portion of the Sailor Scouts are clean freaks, but I guess since everything was so crazy no one had the time to pick up the place.

"Well, you've got time now," I thought with a sigh.

Rolling up my sleeves and grabbing hold of some cleaning supplies, I got to work. While I wasn't a huge fan of cleaning everyone else's mess, doing so helped get my mind off of things. I couldn't let myself get wrapped up in the emotional turmoil that resulted from Chad's death. I didn't have the time to wallow in remorse either. That's the simple truth of it all, whether his death had been my fault or Zero's…

Or Lelouch's

Even though I had seen Lelouch in that vision with Suzaku, I still found myself doubting if Zero and Lelouch were really the same person. After all, that vision could've been just my subconscious making me think that Lelouch was there because of my suspicions of him.

"It doesn't matter," I muttered, gathering the magazines from off the floor before pilling them up in one large stack on the still cluttered coffee table. I wasn't going to think about Lelouch, Zero, or anything else for the time being.

An hour and a half later I was finished cleaning. The living room and kitchen area were spotless. At least I can take some satisfaction out of that I guess.

I looked at my watch, realizing that Serena and the others would be back soon. I didn't want to talk to them about what had happened either, so after drying the last plate, I put it up and sprinted up the stairs to my room.

Thankfully, the other bedrooms were downstairs. Space was a little bit tight in this house because of the number of people staying, but as long as I could keep this room to myself I would be okay.

I went into my walk in closet and started changing out of my clothes. I had been wearing a red jacket and a black tank top underneath with black dress pants and boots. I had thought the outfit was really cute, and I remembered examining myself earlier this morning to make sure that I looked perfect. Now I looked at the outfit in disgust. It would forever stand as a permanent reminder of what happened today.

"Stop thinking about it," I told myself silently as I changed into my flannel pajamas. Japanese nightwear suits me better, but I had left Juban in such a rush that I didn't even pack them. Oh well, it doesn't really matter. Nothing really matters anymore.

I pulled my hair into a low ponytail and crawled under the covers. After switching off the lamp on the nightstand, I flung my head down against the pillows and to my surprise I fell asleep almost instantly. I didn't realize how exhausted I really was, but in the brief moments before sleep claimed me, I hoped that I would get a good nights sleep for once.

That didn't happen though. I was plagued with nightmares again, but this time they had nothing to do with Lelouch or Zero. Tonight my nightmares were about Chad and his mangled. How the building collapsed on him, how shards of glass pierced his skin with the words he had spoken ringing in my ears.

"You let me die."

Blood stained a large concrete slab that protruded from the layers of mud and rock.

"No I didn't..."

"You let me die."

I stared at the blood, my heart breaking as the realization that Chad was really dead hit me. In the dream, my knees trembled and I prayed for it all of it to be nothing more than a horrible nightmare I could hope to wake up from. However...

"Chad, no don't leave me!"

"You let me die."

I shook my head, trying to convince myself that I did everything I could yet knowing that I hadn't done enough. I did let him die. I let him die!

"NO!"

"REI!"

I suddenly felt hands violently shaking me. I didn't know who it was and at that point I didn't know what to think. Chad's words were still going through my head endlessly.

"You let me die."

"You let me die."

"You let me die."

Memories of when Chad lived at the Hikawa Temple filled my mind as his words continued to repeat over and over. Memories of how he had loved and protected me. Why couldn't I have just returned his love? Why did I leave him to die all alone?

"Why!" I screamed, unable to control my emotions anymore. "Why did I let you die!"

I could still feel hands on my shoulders, but I realized that they weren't what had been shaking me. My body had been shaking violently on it's own. I couldn't control any of it nor did I care to. My only thoughts had been of Chad.

"REI STOP!" someone screamed. I knew the voice, but I was so messed up that I couldn't identify who it was.

"REI WAKE UP!" another voice screamed.

My eyes abruptly opened, my breathing in rough gasps. Serena was standing over me. She had been the one holding my shoulders, trying to steady my violent movements. The others stood around her, worried expressions on all of their faces.

"Serena," I choked out, trying to calm my breathing. "What are you doing in my room?"

It was a stupid question. I knew very well why she and the others came in here. I practically had a seizure in my sleep and I'd been screaming like a crazy psycho.

"Rei...what's going on?" Ami asked hesitantly.

"It was just a really bad nightmare," I answered quickly, raising my hand towards my forehead. Doing so almost burned my hand which means I probably have a fever. My eyes feel heavy and wet. Apparently, I had been crying in my sleep too. Good grief, no wonder everyone is looking at me like I'm a mental case.

"It's more than that," Serena stated knowingly. Sadly enough, the meatball head knew me better than anyone else. She always knew when I was trying to hide things away from her and the others. Right now though, I'd wish she'd put a sock in it and drop the subject. The last thing I want to do is talk about Chad, especially after the horrible dream I just had. His words were still echoing in my mind.

You let me die.

"Serena, I can't talk about this now," I told her, hoping she would accept this. It was the truth after all, the first truth I'd told to her and the others since they got here practically.

"Don't try and hide this from us Rei," Serena ordered, trying her best to be calm. "What happened when the landslide hit the city?"

I know that I need to tell them, but I can't deal with this now. No, not now.

Serena's hands tightened on my shoulders as she begged for me to tell her what happened. From that plea alone I could tell that she was on the verge of tears herself.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself. They needed to know this and besides, there's no point in trying to reign my emotions in anymore.

"Before I sent you to the base," I started, trying to swallow the lump in my throat, "I had a vision that Chad would die." I could feel the tears coming.

"Then what?" Serena asked as the others listened.

"I sent you to the base and I went searching for him," I continued, my breathing sped up which let me know that I needed to calm down. Doing so was hard, but I managed it.

"I found him, but I also found my grandpa. There was only time to get to one of them because they were so far away from each other. I…chose to save my grandpa…so…now," my voice nearly broke as I said the last words, "Chad is dead."

Serena hugged me as soon as the words left my mouth. I hugged her back, but I refused to cry now. I just can't do it.

"I'm so sorry Rei," Serena said. "Truly I am."

"It wasn't your fault," I whispered sadly. I looked at the others and nearly gasped. Out of everyone standing in the room, Hotaru was the only one crying.

"It's all my fault," she said suddenly as Serena ended our hug.

"What do you mean?" I asked genuinely shocked by her response. How could any of this possibly be her fault.

"I had seen the shadow of death around Chad when we ran into him at the hospital," Hotaru explained. "I didn't tell you because I thought you would get worried."

I didn't understand her words at first, but they soon registered. Hotaru was the guardian of death. She knows when people are going to die.

In that moment, I wished that Hotaru had told me that, but then again it's not like it would have made any difference. Chad still would've died either way. It was his destiny I guess, but still…

"It's not your fault Hotaru," I said a moment later, refusing to latch on to the idea of placing blame on her. "It's mine. I let him die."

The tears were ready to spill, but I would not let them. I will not cry over this. I can't cry over this.

Crying won't bring him back to me, so I refuse to let myself cry.

Meanwhile

C.C. P.O.V

It's nearly midnight, but I can't fall asleep. I normally fell asleep easily, so what's wrong?

I turned my head towards Lelouch, who was resting on the couch as usual. I was laying his bed, clinging on to my beloved cheese-kun as usual, so what's wrong?

"You're not eating pizza?" my conscious offered.

"No that's not it," I muttered almost silently. I knew exactly what it was. My problem was the big brat lying on the couch.

First he tries to protect me, then he eavesdrops on what I say in my sleep thus resulting in him finding out my name, and then he thanks me for saving him.

I asked him to show his gratitude, to say my name again, but when he said it...well it was all wrong.

Still, the first time he said my name he had sounded so gentle. Like he treasured the knowledge of knowing my true name.

"That boy is making you go soft."

"Please, that will never happen," I responded, narrowing my gaze on the blankets covering me.

"You never know, you could end up…"

"No, that's not going to happen, not again," I said out loud, cutting my conscious off.

"Sure, sure."

"Trust me, that won't happen again, Marianne…"

A/N: Poor Rei, she's really having a tough time. Can't she ever get a break? And what about Suzaku, how is he dealing with what's happened? And now that Lelouch knows C.C.'s real name, what will happen? Find the answers to these questions and more in the next chapter.