Chapter Thirty-Six
It took several days for Rick to finally pull his head out of his ass and start to take an interest in the group once again. Daryl really couldn't blame him. He didn't even want to think about how he'd feel if Carol thought he was dead and moved on so quickly to another man, especially one he valued as a friend. He actually found himself feeling sorry for the guy. Rick wasn't so bad. He wasn't so good, but he wasn't the worst. God knows, he was trying to do right by the group.
Carol had begged him to give himself a chance to heal before venturing out to the woods to hunt, so Daryl had stuck close to the camp, occasionally venturing into the house when Carol or one of the Greene girls asked for his assistance. He was still wary of his girls getting close to these strangers. They'd only be hurt when they were forced to move on. He could see the old man was getting antsy having them about. Yet, Shane still needed time to recover, and they couldn't go just yet. Rick was spending a lot of time helping Hershel out on the farm, and even more trying to convince the man to let them stay.
It would be ideal if they could. Daryl could hunt – at least enough to fill the big deep freezer in the basement – before winter set in. Travel would be hard then. He'd much rather his girls have some stability in the colder months, some warmth and security. He didn't relish the idea of moving place to place without shelter or the guarantee of a hot meal for them. He never thought he'd come to love anyone as he did Carol and Sophia. He had little experience with love, the feeling which grew in his chest everyday foreign and strange to him. But he wouldn't trade anything for it. It made him stronger, knowing they had given themselves to him. Their trust and love meant more to him than anything.
Daryl smirked down at the children sitting in the grass at the bottom of the porch steps. They looked like little statues as they sat there blindfolded … practicing patience. He felt as though Sophia needed the lesson after she'd bolted on the highway. He couldn't go through something like that again. Carl, of course, had insisted on joining her. If she were to be taught something useful, he wanted to learn too. It was an admirable trait for a kid so young.
He sat behind them on the steps and flicked the feathered tip of the bolt in his hand against Sophia's ear before doing the same to Carl. Neither of them so much as flinched. They'd been at it for the better part of two hours, and already they'd made remarkable progress. He remembered the same lesson being given to him by his brother, and how much he had hated it. Each flick of that damn feather had made him want to jump up and pound Merle's head in. They were learning much quicker than he had.
"A'right, Soph … what d'you smell?" he asked. He interspersed the flick of the feather with questions, testing their senses. He didn't want them to become bored too quickly. The children were enjoying that part of the lesson.
The girl inhaled deeply, focusing on her sense of smell as she lost herself in the moment. "Fresh baked bread," she sighed wistfully, her belly growling.
"Carl? An' I swear if y' tell me grass again, I'ma whack y' with this arrow."
The boy didn't move a muscle aside from the slight flaring of his nostrils. "Split wood?" he answered tentatively.
Daryl drew in a deep breath, the scent of strewn grass, hay from the barn, fresh bread hot out of the oven, and indeed the piney smell of split wood assailed him. "Good job. Ok, back to being still."
Rick came out onto the front porch, and Daryl waved him to silence before he could say anything. "Who?" he asked the children. So far that morning, they'd been able to identify T-Dog, Dale and even Maggie just by the sound of their footsteps.
"My dad!" Carl said, grinning ear to ear.
"He's easy. You hear him walk all the time," Sophia protested.
"Don't matter. He's still right," Daryl replied. His 'daughter' was becoming more of a Dixon every day, and her snark reminded him of Merle and how much he missed him.
Rick sat down on the steps next to him, waving a hand at the kids. "What's all this?" he chuckled. It was the first time he'd found humor in anything in days.
Daryl shrugged.
Carl whipped the blindfold off to grin at his dad. "Daryl's teaching us a lesson in patience and sensory perception. He says it's important to know your surroundings by more than sight, and we have to learn not to let our emotions make us jump the gun and run into danger."
Daryl grinned. The boy's mind was like a steel trap. "So, what's up?" he asked their leader.
"Hershel told us we can use the south pasture if you still wanted to help train up the group a bit. How's your side? You feel up to it?"
"Bout damn time. Yeah I'm up to it." He looked down at the kids and the hopeful expressions on their young faces. "Y' gonna let Carl practice too, right?"
Rick sighed. "I really don't want him to, but I don't really have a choice, do I?"
Daryl nodded. "No. Boy needs t' learn t' defend himself. We don't know where we gonna end up when we leave here. Y' don't want him t' get separated from th' group an' not know how t' take care o' himself."
"You're right." He clapped the hunter on the shoulder and smiled. "Let's start rounding everyone up. We can leave within the hour."
Daryl flinched, but held his tongue. "What about your boy Shane? Y' got somebody on babysittin' duty?"
Rick scowled before schooling his features into a calm façade. Carl didn't need to see how much the man's name upset him. "He's getting better. No need really."
Carl followed his father back into the house, leaving Sophia alone with Daryl. "That was mean, Dad," she admonished, moving to sit beside him.
"Yeah? Whatcha know about what's goin' on with them anyway?"
"It's not a secret," she shrugged. "But Carl loves Shane as much as his Daddy, and I don't want him to be hurt by something we might say."
Daryl dropped his chin into his hand and tilted his head towards her. "Sometimes, y' get hurt, Soph. Things people say, things they do. Cain't go hidin' under a rock t' protect yerself."
"He's my friend. I'll protect him if I want," she insisted stubbornly.
"You're a good friend. Hope that boy appreciates y'." He rose to his feet and held out his hand to her. "C'mon, girl, let's go shoot somethin'!"
*.*.*
Rick and T-Dog talked animatedly as they grabbed the sack of glass bottles and tin cans from the back of Daryl's pick up and made their way to the fence to set up the targets. The kids were hardly able to contain their excitement, especially Carl. Even the adults had a frenetic energy about them as Daryl began passing out some of the guns. Andrea and Carol would be using their own, but Daryl wanted to train her up a bit on some of the rifles. He had every faith in her that she'd do well. She was a quick learner, her desire to adapt and thrive in the new world a good motivation.
He made sure the others were outfitted before choosing one of the rifles for Carol. She already knew how to handle the set of .45's he'd given her. The time would be better spent teaching her a new weapon. Sophia took her time reacquainting herself with Merle's piece, the 9mm seeming to fit well in her small hands. He'd leave her to it since he'd already taught her the basics.
Carol stared at the rifle, arching a brow up at him when he placed it in her hands. "You want me to shoot this? Why?" she questioned, taking several rounds from his outstretched hand.
Daryl's eyes surveyed the group. Beth and Maggie were more used to the rifles their father owned, so Rick had them working with the handguns. T-Dog seemed to have stepped up to help Jimmy. The hunter shook his head, thinking the boy seemed hopeless. Rick was working with Lori and Carl, and he was glad to see some of the animosity which had existed between them was no longer there.
"Naw, woman … I want y' t' use it t' stir the cook pot tonight at dinner," he snarked, his lip curling up into a smirk. "Of course, I want y' t' shoot it. Before we're done, I want y' t' know how t' shoot everythin' we have in our arsenal. Want y' t' be prepared."
Carol narrowed her eyes at him, fighting a grin. She turned her attention to the weapon in her hands, studying it carefully before releasing the chamber and loading in the shells. She didn't shy away from it, nor was she afraid. She felt a confidence she wouldn't have had in her old life, and she knew it was because he had so much faith in her. It was heavy and awkward as she held it up and looked down the sight, but she refused to let on.
"Like this?" she asked as it came to rest against her shoulder.
Daryl stepped behind her and altered her stance, much as he'd done at the quarry when he'd been teaching her how to shoot the .45. He moved the stock to rest between her shoulder and clavicle, his hand covering hers where it held the barrel securely. Her other hand was in the correct position without him having to instruct her. She was so thin, he worried the kickback was going to bruise. "Plant your feet, because it's gonna kick."
Carol squinted down the barrel, and brought her finger to the trigger, breathing in and firing on the exhale. The shot sent her careening into his solid chest and missed the target altogether. "Damnit!"
He took the weapon from her and laid it on the ground while she rubbed at her aching shoulder. "Y' ok? Lemme see," he commanded gently.
Daryl peeled back the collar of her button up to see her skin already beginning to bruise. His broad back hid her from the others as he rubbed gently at the spot.
"It's not your fault. It was heavy, and I wasn't steady enough," she whispered meekly, hoping he wasn't angry with her. "I'm sorry."
"Pfft," he scoffed. "Didn't expect y' t' hit it on your first try. Ain't nothin' t' apologize for." He gave her a meaningful look, smiling gently, and she relaxed. "Wanna try again?"
He took the shop rag out of his pocket and folded it, wedging it beneath her bra strap. It would offer her a little protection until he could find something better for her.
"That's a lot better," she said, bringing the rifle up again. It got easier for her as she went through a dozen or so shells, hitting more than half of the targets. She beamed at him when she was done, proud of herself. What made it even better was the fact she could see the pride he felt for her clearly on his handsome face.
He stored the rifle back in the bag and then wrapped his arms around her from behind as they watched Sophia's intense concentration as she worked with her piece. Carol raised her hand to her mouth, awed by her daughter. "She's getting so good. It doesn't matter what you give her, she's almost always on the mark."
"She's strong like 'er mama, and wily like 'er uncle Merle," he snorted at the last part.
Carol's eyes sparkled as she turned them up to him. "And sweet like her dad?" she asked, grinning as she saw his ears turn red in embarrassment.
"Wouldn't go that far."
"Oh, but I would," she teased, turning in his embrace to wrap her arms around his waist.
"Hey, Dixon! This ain't the Sadie Hawkins dance, y'know," T-Dog chortled from his place in line.
"Aww shut it, Dawg," he drawled, dropping his arms from around Carol. "You're just jealous my girls shoot better'n you!"
Carl came running over to join Sophia as Rick started packing up to go back to the farm. The boy was rather proud of the progress he'd made with the .38 Daryl had given him, and he couldn't wait to brag to his friend.
Once Daryl, Carol and the children were squeezed into the cab of the truck, Sophia tugged on his sleeve. "Dad? D'you think we might be able to go swimming in the pond when we get back?"
"Swimmin'?"
Carl turned his big blue eyes on the hunter. "Yeah! It's still warm enough."
"Please?" they chimed.
Carol laughed behind her hand. "You can't go by yourself," was her only objection.
"C'mon, Dad, what else do you have to do today?" Sophia pleaded. "It's been so long since I've been able to swim. All those lessons Mom paid for … gone to waste. Please?"
Daryl shot Carol a pained look. "An' jus' whatcha think you'll be swimmin' in? There ain't no way you're getting in that pond naked with Carl!"
Sophia looked at him drolly. "Really?" she snarked. "I have some shorts and a tank I can wear, Dad. Seriously, though, you need to drag your mind up out of the gutter."
Carol laughed so hard at the expression on his face, she snorted.
Carl grinned. "I bet I could borrow a pair of shorts from Jimmy. He's so skinny I bet they'd fit."
"Fine!" the redneck growled, seeing he wasn't going to win. "I guess we're goin' swimmin'."
*.*.*
Daryl grimaced as Carol set her things down on the dock and dipped a toe into the water. After returning the rest of the group to the farm, it hadn't taken long for everyone to change. When Rick had discovered what they were going to be doing for the rest of the afternoon, he'd loaned Daryl a pair of cut off jean shorts Lori had found on the highway while searching through the cars. He felt ridiculous standing there wearing them along with a sleeveless t-shirt. Sophia gave a whoop as she and Carl ran past them and jumped into the pond.
"Best idea ever!" she cried, splashing water at her best friend before swimming away with measured strokes to avoid Carl's retaliation.
His hawk-like eyes followed her path. She might have had lessons, but he still worried. He stood vigilant at the end of the dock next to Carol and crossed his arms over his chest, his hands resting in his armpits. Carol shivered next to him. "Too cold?" he asked. The seasons were changing; he could feel it. Maybe it was too cold for them to swim. What if Sophia got sick?
Carol shook her head. "No … just a bit nippy. We'll adjust once we get in, I'm sure." She reached for the hem of his shirt, surprised when he pushed her hand away, a panicked gleam in his eyes. "What's wrong, Pookie? Aren't you coming in?"
"I … I can't let them see. They're kids. They don't need t' see that shit," he murmured lowly, ducking his head.
She instantly understood. Her poor brave hunter still had issues with people seeing his scars. She let go of his shirt and whipped the tank she wore over her head to reveal the bikini top Maggie had loaned her. She turned her back on him, her own scars on display. Daryl's arms went around her from behind as he buried his face against her nape with a shudder. "Your scars are part of you, Daryl. They simply show how strong you are to have suffered so greatly … and survived." She leaned her head back against his shoulder and pressed her lips to his cheek. "You're so beautiful … every part of you," she whispered reverently.
He held on tighter, overwhelmed with feelings he couldn't comprehend. It was so strange for him to be taking comfort from her when he was the one usually offering it to her. "I know it's stupid –"
"No, it's not stupid," she protested, turning in his embrace and wrapping her arms about his neck. "You're afraid the kids will judge you? You should know them better than that by now. You see how they look up to you. Your scars won't ever change that."
The children giggled as Daryl pressed his lips to Carol's and kissed her long and deep. "Ewww!" Carl groaned before Sophia splashed him, her words muffled by his outraged shriek.
"I thought y' wanted t' swim, boy!" Daryl called, pulling away from Carol.
Carol chuckled. "I think they're waiting for us." She looked over her shoulder, still smiling. "We could swim out to the platform if you'd like. Take in the sun while we still can."
She wanted it to be his choice to take a chance. She didn't want him to think she was going to goad him into it. The water was cold, but not uncomfortable as it closed over her. She was glad she'd taken a quick leap instead of trying to ease herself in, almost like ripping off a band-aid. Her measured strokes swiftly carried her to the large wooden raft in the center of the pond, and she wasted no time climbing onto it. Sitting down, she wiped the water out of her face and leaned back on her hands, turning her face up to the bright afternoon sun.
Daryl watched her, chewing nervously at the cuticle on his thumb. She looked so at ease with herself, sitting there on the raft, water droplets shining in her short hair. He remembered clearly how she hadn't wanted him to see her scars that night at the CDC, but it seemed now that he had, she wasn't afraid anymore. Why couldn't he do the same, he wondered. She viewed those scars littering his back and chest as badges of honor, a sign of strength that he'd endured his father's rage. He saw them as his weakness, his shame that he hadn't been strong enough to fight off Jackson Dixon and his abuse.
His fingers toyed with the hem of his shirt as he stared down at his feet. He wasn't that kid anymore. Carol loved him for who he was. She didn't care about the evidence of his past, didn't think they detracted from who he was. Her love made him stronger. His eyes caught hers across the pond, and he held it as his self-doubt and recriminations fell away. Without another moment's hesitation, he lifted the shirt over his head and dove into the cool water, needing to be with her.
He didn't see the troubled look Carl and Sophia shared as he cut smoothly through the water. It felt good to be outside in the bright sunlight to share something fun with his family. Carol squealed as he pulled himself onto the raft and shook the water from his shaggy hair, the droplets pelting her.
Daryl dropped down next to her onto his back and laid his head on her lap, one of his rare genuine smiles curling his lips. Her fingers carded through his hair as she leaned over to kiss him. "Today is a good day," she sighed happily.
"Yeah, an' we don't know how many o' those we're gonna get."
"Aren't you just a ray of sunshine!" she laughed, tweaking his ribs. "And ticklish! Oh, I love it!"
He squirmed away from her, unable to stop the laughter escaping him. "Oh yeah!?" He maneuvered himself to a sitting position and reached for her wrists, pinning them above her head with one hand as he let his fingers dance along her sides.
"No! Daryl, stop," she giggled, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.
His own chuckles died away as he looked down at the flush spreading over her chest, the rapid rise and fall of her breasts as they strained against her top, her lips parted and full, just begging to be kissed. Why deny himself, he thought. He brought his hand up, cupping her breast, his thumb brushing against her nipple and she gasped. His lips came down roughly on hers, his tongue invading the sweet hollow of her mouth, swallowing down her moan.
A snort from their daughter pulled him out of his lusty wanderings. "Dad, are you and Mom gonna kiss all day, or are you gonna come swim with us?"
Carol sucked in a deep breath and pressed her lips into a thin line, her face blushing scarlet. Daryl groaned and dropped his head to her shoulder.
"C'mon, Dad, I wanna race!"
"A'right, gimme a minute," he growled, swinging his head around to grin at her. "But y' better not cheat like Merle!" He was thinking a dip in the cold pond would help the problem in his pants. He rolled off the raft into the water and came up beside her to grip the side as Carl climbed up and sat beside Carol.
The boy counted it off, and they were gone, her shorter limbs struggling to keep up with his longer strokes. It wasn't about winning to her. It was about sharing a moment with the only man who'd ever tried to give her parental love. It was what she'd always craved. A father who would be free with his time, a father who would protect and nurture her, a father who would love her. She was giggling and fighting for breath when she neared the shallows and stepped up onto the bank underneath the hanging branches of a willow tree.
Sophia collapsed against the grass and rolled onto her back, staring up at the bright blue sky through the branches. "That was awesome!" she breathed.
"Seems t' me those swimmin' lessons paid off. Least I ain't gotta worry about y' drownin'."
"You're a good swimmer too, Dad. Did Merle teach you?"
He nodded. "Yeah … long time ago."
She sat up beside him as he stared off into the distance, lost in his thoughts. "Dad?" she asked softly. It still awed her that he accepted her so easily as his own.
"Hmm?" He looked down at her, one eyebrow arched in askance.
"You know I love you, right? And I love that you're my dad now. Sometimes your true family isn't always blood."
His eyes softened as he looked down at her, and the next thing he knew he had an armful of his daughter. He could feel the burn behind his eyes as he held her tightly. How close he'd come to losing her weighed heavily upon him, and he vowed never to let her out of his sight again if at all possible. "Love y' too, baby girl," he choked out, his voice raspy and hoarse. He let her go and gave her a gentle shove back into the water. "C'mon! Let's see if yer ol' man can beat y' back t' th' raft."
"You're on!"
Daryl let her win.
*.*.*
Rick dropped down to sit next to Daryl by the campfire where the hunter was sharpening his knife. "Man, what did you do to our kids today? One minute they're in the middle of a heated game of Uno and the next they're passed out."
Daryl huffed. They'd stayed at the pond until it was time for Carol to come back and help Lori with dinner, all of them a little pink from the sun and exhausted from their day in the water. "Jus' lettin' 'em be kids for a change," he shrugged.
"I appreciate it. I think they needed it."
"I'm takin' 'em with me in th' mornin' when I go huntin'. Soph has already been trained up a little, but I figured it wouldn't hurt t' show Carl some things," he said, concentrating on his task.
Rick stared at Daryl with new perspective. He'd been so angry when they'd first met, not allowing anyone aside from his family to get close to him. It was remarkable how much the archer was changing and adapting to sharing his life with the group. Given the chance, Rick knew he would be happy to call him 'friend'. "I think Carl would like that. He's already got some hero worship going for him."
Daryl snorted. "Ain't no hero."
"Sophia would beg to differ. You saved her, man. If that doesn't make you a hero, I don't know what does," he said.
"More like she saved me. She's a Dixon," he said as if that explained it all.
Carol smiled as she listened to the exchange, nearly ready to dish up the hearty soup she'd made with some canned vegetables and a package of beef stew meat Maggie had offered from their freezer. Lori sat beside her, looking a little green. "Look … they're bonding," she whispered.
Lori smiled, though it didn't meet her eyes. Shane had returned to camp, and Rick was still acting aloof towards him. She was glad to see Andrea was acting welcoming towards him. "It won't hurt him to start trusting Daryl. Lord knows that redneck has proven his worth. I hate to think I was so wrong about him."
"Daryl is a very complicated man with a troubled past. It will take time for him to truly open up … if ever." She reached out and squeezed her friend's hand. "I have to say it means the world to me that you trust him with Carl. He won't let you down."
"I think Shane is jealous of the time Carl spends with your family." Her eyes drifted over to where he sat with Andrea, chatting about their target practice earlier in the day.
Carol nodded at the pair. "And you? Are you perhaps a little jealous of Andrea?"
"What? No!" the brunette scoffed. "I'd be happy if his attention switched to her. She'd be good for him, wouldn't she? I wouldn't want him to get hurt." She smiled. "I'd just like for things to go back to how they were before the world ended. I want Shane and Rick to be friends again."
"I'm glad you're trying so hard to work things out with Rick. And don't worry … things will blow over and he and Shane will be able to save their friendship. They're both good men, and I don't see this standing between them for the long haul."
Lori passed Carol a stack of bowls, so she could start ladling out portions. "I hope so. Do you think we should wake the kids for dinner?"
"No, let them sleep. They ate their weight in leftovers when we got back from the pond."
Carol handed Lori a steaming bowl of the flavorful soup only to have it pushed back into her hands. Her friend clamped a hand over her mouth and ran for the perimeter of camp. Rick looked worriedly at Carol and started to rise, but she waved him off, hurrying to check on his ailing wife. She found her in the tall grass next to the fence, heaving pitifully.
"Oh, honey …" she cooed sympathetically, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "What's wrong?" Please, she prayed, don't let it be what I think it is.
Lori broke down, tears streaming over her ashen cheeks. "Nothing," she gasped, wiping her mouth on her sleeve.
"I won't pry, but you know I'm here if you want to talk about it," Carol said, glancing over her shoulder to assure their privacy. Daryl lurked in the shadows beneath the great oak, but didn't approach. He was simply making sure there was no danger.
Lori rested her head on Carol's shoulder and wept. "I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hide it. Glenn knows. He brought a test back from the pharmacy run."
Oh, damn! "Oh, Lori, are you –"
"Pregnant," she sobbed.
Carol smoothed her hand over Lori's long locks. "You need to tell Rick. This isn't something you want to hide from your husband, Lori."
"W-What if this b-baby isn't his?
Carol groaned inwardly. "Well, it's not like you can run out for a paternity test. We're just going to have to wait and see, won't we?"
"This is just going to make it worse."
She gripped Lori's shoulders and gave her a gentle shake. "Stop it. Stop it right now, Lori Grimes. You can't think that way. How are you going to know how Rick will react if you don't tell him? He has a right to know."
"I know he does," the woman bawled.
"Whatever happens, you know we care for you. You're not going to have to face this alone."
Lori swiped angrily at her tears. "I'm terrified, Carol. Even if he does accept this child, it's going to be in danger from the moment it's born. One cry could bring a herd down on us. And what happens if I can't provide for it? I don't want it to have to grow up in this nightmare!" she hissed.
"You should have thought about that before you had unprotected sex," Carol said, deciding not to mince words.
Lori reared away from her, stunned. "How could you say that?!"
"Because I'm your friend and I'm not going to lie to you. You're looking at this baby as a mistake, when you should be looking at it as a beacon of hope. We need hope now more than anything, Lori. We're a strong group, and we're only going to get stronger … as long as we're together. This baby will have a multitude of aunts and uncles who will fight for it. Now suck it up."
Lori gaped at her before she burst out laughing. "I'm worrying before I need to, right?"
Carol laughed with her, but didn't release her from her embrace. "It's going to all work out."
"God, I hope so."
"Talk to your husband."
"I will."
A/N: Next time: All Caryl! Nothing but Caryl! Caryl goodness. Hope you enjoyed, my darlings! Please lemme know whatcha think!