LINSTEADDDDD! Just a reminder that Riley is a girl who lost her boyfriend who ended up being killed by a gang because of drugs, it happened in a previous case. Jay sees himself in her.

Today was a quiet day in Intelligence. The whole team was doing paperwork, talking, resting. But they knew they wouldn't come home early considering the amount of paperwork they had on their respective desk. They were just all very impatient to be the next day since it was the week end.

It was 9 pm, Ruzek, Atwater, Erin, Jay and Logan were still working. Logan got up from his chair, closed the fills he's been working on and took his vest. He made his way toward Erin and leant on it. "you still coming to my place tonight?!" he asked her with a grin. She smiled and nodded. He leant closer to her and gave her a quick kiss. Jay rolled his eyes and tried to focus back on his work. Logan walked away, letting the field of vision for Erin to see Jay in front of her. He had this expression on his face, she could tell he pretended to not pay attention to them by reading his file but she knew he seemed upset. But she wasn't gonna say anything to him. First because there was nothing to tell about and second, even if there was anything to tell she wouldn't because he made it clear he didn't want to do anything with her last night. He rejected her once again.

Soon after, it was Ruzek to call it off. he threw his pen on his desk and leant back on his chair. "I feel like my head is gonna explode! I can't see anymore! Atwater I think you're gonna have to drive me home" he exaggerated as he rubbed his eyes.

Jay and Erin chuckled. Atwater got up smiling as well. "Come on! Let's go!" he said. The two friends left, waving at Jay and Erin in their way out.

It was sudden all very quiet, an awkward silence filled the room.

Then a few minutes later, Jay's phone rang. It was Riley. The two of them exchanged a few texts a week so he was sure she was fine. The well being of this girl is very important for him. He cares a lot about her. He sees a lot of himself in her, the pain she feels, the loneliness in which she lives.

Jay answered the call to hear heavies breathes. "Riley you okay?!" Jay asked worried.

Erin looked up from her work and looked at Jay. She could see his face becoming white. She tried to ask him what was happening with her eyes.

"Riley tell me where you are!" he asked. "okay stay here and don't anything stupid! Please?!" he got up. "Riley I-" He looked at his phone and realized she just hanged up. "shit!"

Erin got up as well. "What's wrong?" she asked concerned.

"It's riley! I don't know what's wrong with her!" he said as he took his vest. "I'm going!" he added.

"I'm coming with you!". This wasn't a question, she took her vest and followed him.

They both ran toward Jay's car. This latter drove as fast as he could and could feel that Erin seemed more serene when he is the one driving instead of Logan.

He focused his attention back to the road and drove faster. The drive seemed like an eternity for him, so when he arrived at destination, he quickly got out. Erin followed. Jay looked up at the building in front of them and could see a silhouette in the dark on the rooftop.

"There!" he pointed his finger. "Let's go!" Erin said as they both ran toward the building.

When Jay and Erin reached the rooftop, they saw Riley on the low wall separating the ground and the emptiness. She had just one step to make for her to fall. Jay's heart began to race; he could feel the blood coursing through his veins and his body contracting itself.

He tried to approach her very carefully, ensuring to not do a single violent move.

"Riley, come down! I guarantee you, you don't wanna do this!"

She shook her head while looking down at the street.

"I know people are worried, everybody's been looking at me." She began to say with a breaking voice. "Waiting for me to fall apart or freak out or become a mess" she paused. "like some bomb everybody think is supposed to go off." She took a deep breath, while Jay tried move forward, step by step "Every man I've ever loved has died. My dad, my boyfriend… Thank you, universe!" she said out loud rising her arms toward the sky. Then she calmed down. "So I should be like greek tragedy, turned to stone, bat crap crazy…" she paused once again. "But I'm good" she laughed "I got this, I'm fine. I'm telling you, I'm amazing. I am entertaining, joke, joke, joke. I'm funny." She began to yell at the world, waving her hands in the air again. Jay was more and more worried she would do a wrong gest and fall. He stopped and raised his hand toward her. "I'm fun, I'm a party, I'm doing… I'm great. I was fine. It was managed." Her voice broke. Tears rolled her cheeks as she quickly swiped them.

Erin was listening to her and she could feel her pain. No one deserved to be that miserable. But she couldn't do anything, she barely knew her, she had no connection with her. So she let Jay handling this. She looked at him and she could see he was very affected by riley hopelessness.

"Riley?" he got closer, his hands still raised. "You are not supposed to be… managing it. You are supposed to be feeling it…" he paused. "Grief, loss, pain… Its normal."

Riley frowned and scoffed "It's not normal."

"It is normal." He retorted. "It's not normal to you 'cause you've never done it." He paused.

"Instead of feeling it, feeling the grief and the pain, you shoved it all down. Instead of moving through the pain, you run from it…" he paused as he understood something "Instead of dealing with being hurt, and alone and afraid that this horrible feeling is all there is… I ran from it!" he looked behind him to look at Erin. She was watching him with her sad eyes and her small smile. He looked back at Riley and tried to catch her eyes. "We do these things! We run off and we, we medicate, we do whatever it takes to, cover up and dull the sensation but it's not normal." His voice slightly broke "We are supposed to feel, we are supposed to love, hate and hurt and grieve, and break and… be destroyed and… we rebuilt ourselves to be destroyed again! That is human, that is humanity. It's being alive, that's the point, that's the entire point!" he said out loud trying to convince her "Don't avoid it. Don't. extinguish it." He seemed so sad and affected by what was happening right now, Erin thought he was about to break down. But she knew he wouldn't, he wasn't the type of crying that easily.

Riley turned her head and looked down at Jay as she shook her head. "I don't want to feel it. I don't think I can." She cried. Jay got even closer, maybe a little too much for Erin. He had no choice but to climb on the low wall to be next to her.

"You're gonna survive this…" he tried to convince her. "Everybody does. I thought I would never get over the pain but I did." He admitted. He looked at her with his honest and yet, heartbroken eyes. He raised his hand toward her so she would take it and let him walk her down to the ground. She looked at it then looked up to meet his eyes. She shed one last tear and took his hand. Jay quickly grabbed her and walk them down. He put her in a hug and stroke her hair, trying to comfort her while she was sobbing. Erin could finally let out a relief sigh.

"I'll let you in on a little secret" Jay whispered to her. "There is a whole world out there waiting for you genuine beauty!". She let out a little laugh which made him smile.

Jay looked at Erin while hugging Riley. Their eyes instantly connected, and his body relaxed as he met her soulful eyes and her soft smile.

Erin found herself standing in front of Jay's door. She didn't exactly know the reason of why she was here. But it just felt right to her. She sighed and decided to knock. Soon after the door opened.

"Hey…" she said softly with a small smile.

Jay nodded and stepped back to let her in. She walked in, made a few steps before turning around. Erin could see him questioning her with his eyes. She smiled and slightly nodded before breaking the silence.

"I came to make sure you were okay, after tonight…"

He held her gaze and then made his walk toward the window, his glass of whiskey in his hands.

"I appreciate the gesture. I'm just glad it's over." He replied vaguely.

"That's it?" She knew he was felling a lot more than just that.

"What do you want me to say Erin?!" He asked her annoyed turning around.

"Just talk to me Jay! talk to me!" she replied seriously loosing her patience.

"Okay what's the real reason of your presence here Erin?!" he instantly asked. She didn't respond at first, which made the silence unbearable for him.

"What?! I told you, I'm here to make sure you are okay!" she replied confused which made him scoff.

"I'm done playing now!" he sighed as he rubbed his eyes with his hand. Erin stared at her partner, shook her head confused and then decided to drop it. She turned around and walked away from him. "I have no idea what you are even talking about Jay…"

He followed her "I think you do! We have been doing this song and dance every since I came back to this town…"

"No I haven't been doing anything. I'm with Logan. We are together!" she said out loud turning around.

"Okay so if you are so damn happy with him why are you still trying to make excuses to come over here" he replied on the same tone.

"Do not turn this out on me!" she pointed her finger at him, now angry.

"No you came here" he said pissed off.

"To apologize!" she retorted, pretending she was above the chemistry they had between them and that he was crazy for acknowledging it.

"Really you have to come all away over here to apologize Erin? You couldn't just call or send me a text message."

"No, I-I-" she was trying to search her words but was cut off by Jay.

"You what? Why did you come here Erin?!". He asked with desperation in his voice.

She looked at him in the eyes, confused. "Why are you doing this?!" her voice broke.

"Because I'm sick of the lies-"

She scoffed as a tear rolled down her cheek without her permission.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked him with her husky voice. She ran her hands up through her hair and left them there while she just stared at him.

They looked at each other for a minute or two. Neither of them able to break this heavy silence. But Erin got lost into his beautiful blue eyes. The tension fulfilled the room in one instant.

He suddenly gripped her waist and slammed her back into the wall. Rationality told her to pull away, to force their bodies into an awkwardness and watch as he leaves. But the pressure of his lips on hers was too convincing.

So she simply let herself be pulled into Jay's gravity, succumbing to desires she wasn't completely certain she had.

He lowered his mouth and began to passionately and roughly kiss her. His hand wrapped around her waist as the other hand pressed against the wall to hold himself inches in front of her. Erin was just as avidly kissing back.

He could feel her deep breathes as she anticipated his kisses on her neck. His lips were working fast on it, and the sensation was overwhelming. Desperate for contact, Erin's hands were everywhere; tugging at his shirt, running through his hair, at the nape of his neck. She felt impossibly hot as his fingertips dipped beneath the material of her shirt, meeting soft skin.

She crossed her arms and quickly pulled off her shirt, watching him smile as he did so, before getting her chest closer against his, kissing him again. Erin's fingers fell to the grooves of his abs. They both broke apart, unclipping their jeans before wrapping their arms back around each other.

She wrapped her legs tight around his waist, pulling him closer. Her back was slammed to the wall once again. After a moment he spun her around, carrying her to his room.

They fell back onto the bed; still in hold; not losing their connection. Jay continued to kiss her, tracing his thumb back and forth along her thigh. Erin burned under the pressure of his hand on her thigh and she knew there was something so wrong in how she curves her back to ensure there's not a single millimetre between them. In no more than 5 seconds, the rest of their clothes were thrown onto the floor.

In one quick movement, she was now the one on top of him, taking the control of their actions. After a few minutes, Erin, who was on Jay, pulled back a little; using her arms to hold her up, her eyes locked with Jay's. Jay stared at her and brushed a strand of hair that fell into her face back behind her ear. She smiled slowly, as her lips made their way back on his in a slow and tender kiss.

Jay sat himself up, wrapping one arm around her waist while his other supported his weight. Erin was still on top of him. She wrapped her right arm around his neck so they wouldn't loose contact while her left hand was on his cheek. He leaned into her, his lips beginning a trail of kisses down her neck causing Erin to dig her nails into him. "Fuck" she breathless whispered as she let out a slow moan while she threw her head back.

They both fell onto their side of the bed, heavy sighs. Both couldn't believe what they have just done. After a long silence, Erin got up, wrapping the sheets around her chest and walked to the bathroom taking her clothes on her way. Jay put back his boxer and got up as well.

When Erin finished getting dress, she slowly opened the door of the bathroom and watched Jay putting back his shirt. She leant on the doorframe staring at him. He turned around as he could feel her eyes on him. He looked at her as well, neither knowing what to say.

"We had sex" Erin decided to talk first.

He nodded "We had sex…"

"And that was…" she added but was cut off by Jay.

"don't say it… please"

He knew exactly what she was gonna say. But he didn't want to hear it. This night confused him even more. His mind was made up, he needed to get his distance with her.

Jay constantly lives with the certainty that everyone close to him will suffer one day. And he didn't regret this moment he spent with her. But it was a mistake he thought. He shouldn't have done this. And in the same moment, he wanted her so much. Anyway, he was so confused right now and hearing Erin's thought would only make him more confused.

"excuse me?" she asked taken aback.

"Whatever you wanna say, please don't say it" he repeated with sadness in his voice, knowing he was about to hurt her again by pushing her away.

She let out a cold laugh. She realized he was doing this to her again. She felt so dumb for being this naïve with him.

"Don't you see? This is what you do. You just decide how things are gonna go" she began to yell at him.

"I am not the one deciding in this situation!"

"Of course you're the one deciding!" she replied with her jaw clenched.

"What?!"

"Jay, you're always deciding! You decide to leave. You decide to stay. You decide you need me, then you decide you don't. You decide we can talk. You decide we cannot!" she needed to have this talk with him. She was done watching him avoiding the talk they needed to have.

"I don't want to talk because I know what you're gonna say!" he replied out loud.

"You don't know what I'm going to say!" she retorted on the same tone, pissed off.

"I'm pretty sure I do."

"It doesn't matter! You don't!" she yelled.

"Fine! Tt-then go ahead! Say it."

there was a heavy silence before Erin talked again.

"I was clear about this, my mind was made up. I knew it was best for me to move forward no matter how hard…" she paused, closed her eyes and tried to calm herself before continuing, "I knew what I had to do. But it is not clear for me anymore. This is… I- When I look at you I stop thinking, when I let myself just be with you. All I saying is that I don't know what I want anymore."

Jay realized they were both on the same point. Both confused about the situation, not knowing where they were going. They both hang in silence for a minute or two, trying to gather their thoughts.

Erin looked up at him and sighed. "Why did you came back?!" She asked. She could see the confusion in his eyes at her question. "In the first place, why did you came back?"

"I told you, for the case. You guys were in danger." He replied but wasn't looking her in the eyes. He didn't know how act. He was lying and she could feel it.

"The real reason Jay!" she insisted.

"It is the real reason! Why do you think there is another?!" he looked at her in the eyes.

She doesn't respond. This is how he wanted to go with. She scoffed and turned away, took her stuff and walked toward the exit. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"It was a perfect night… in New York." He began to talk, making her stop. She turned around to face him. "Then suddenly… My heart sank I couldn't move, I couldn't think, and once I managed to at least move, all I could think about is one moment you and I shared years ago over and over, that same insignificant moment repeated in my head. I can't tell you why." After a long moment of silence, she spoke.

"What moment?"

Jay looked at her, hesitating at if he should keep talking. But when he was about to respond his phone rang. She closed her eyes as she realized whoever was calling him had just ruined their moment of confession.

Erin was sitting at the bar. This time she was alone. No company. Just Gabby in front of her. They were talking about everything. Then gabby decided to talk about more serious stuff.

"so… How is it going on with Logan?!"

Erin looked up at Gabby and her previous smile disappeared. Her chest loosened as she was relieved that someone was finally asking her. She looked at Gabby a long minute before speaking. "Okay I screwed up!" she said in a rush like she had to say it out.

Gabby's face became fully serious and her posture straightened up.

"Please don't tell me you slept with Jay…"

Erin looked surprised at how Gabby was perceptive. It even frightened her a little. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yeah it is…" Gabby exhaled. She shrugged her shoulders with a small smile.

Erin let out a heavy sigh. She passed her hands through her hair before taking the shot in front of her. "I don't know… I was still pissed at him, for leaving." Gabby looked at the lost woman in front of her. "I can't love him and I can't hate him." She laughed at how pathetic her situation was. "I just need to nothing him… feel nothing… not care about him." She paused and slightly shook her head. "But I can't. It's like… he's in me. He is like a decease and I'm infected by Jay Halstead." She was deep in her thoughts, playing with the shot. "maybe all of this is a mistake…". Gabby was staring at her, trying to find the right words to comfort her.

"Well… sometimes, what makes it like a mistake eventually ends up being completely the opposite. And um… a guy who seems like he's wrong for a million reasons somehow… ends up like he is right…".