A Promise to be Better 36
Author: Raven Dancer
disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling except for the Drs. Barnes, Beryl and Gibbons. I receive no monetary compensation for these works.
Summary: healings.
Snape woke and managed his own trip to the loo before stumbling out to the lounge again. But the lounge was taken? Dr. James? His potion-adled mind had difficulty with the Healer on the lounge. Snape would have backed away or even turned aside if he'd had the control. As was he simply stood and stared getting rather agitated.
"Hullo, Severus. Tired?" low, melodic voice. Snape nodded dully. James smiled and opened his arms. Quivering the Potions Master looked at the Healer wanting to go to him, knowing it would feel good to let the wizard take care of him. But he held back, the doubts and feeling of not deserving such comfort filled him.
"Severus, come here. I want to pulse you and help you heal," Barnes encouraged the reluctant patient. He also wanted Snape to take the steps to him, on his own, rather than having to drag him over. The Healer again asked him to come lie down with him. Taking several shaky steps Snape nearly fell into the sanctuary of James' arms.
"Good, Severus!" the Healer murmured, settling back into the lounge arranging his patient carefully. A few judicious pulses of energy rewarded Snape immediately for coming to him. Blankets settled over them and Barnes began to scan.
Still some damage, nerves jangled and misfired causing the twitching and spasms. The expended energy caused exhaustion on top of the emotional distress. This made Snape more tired and he did not sleep or rest comfortably. Old memories kept surfacing, between the random nerves firing them and the parallel in situations (Albus versus Mother) making it worse.
For one, Snape kept waking to go to the bathroom. A defense mechanism from childhood from what Jeffrey had figured out. Had to keep the bladder emptied in case he was punished and couldn't use the loo for a longer period. James noted mentally that Snape had fought off the potions again and had used the loo that morning. Barely two hours into the dose. Normally that would keep a patient out four or five hours.
*The mind is an amazing thing,* James mused as he ran a soothing hand over Snape's back, pulsing gently. For his part, Snape curled into the warmth snuffling, hiding his face under the blankets.
Barnes fully intended to stay five or six hours. Jeffrey had explained all the reactions from the night before and the older Healer wanted to further the repairs to Snape's nerves. If he had a chance to work on his emotional turmoil so much the better.
The Headmaster had left for the Ministry soon after Barnes had arrived. Following up on the latest information Snape had brought back on the three aurors.
Just after noon Professor McGonagall came to visit.
"Professor Dumbledore?" the witch called.
"He's away for a few hours, Professor," James called from the lounge. Snape was just starting to surface, fingers kneading the Healer's robes. McGonagall smiled and moved towards them.
"Actually, I've come to see to Professor Snape, if you need to be going," she said.
"No, I'm set until about four or so. Severus is just working his way up and then we'll have a little lunch," James explained.
"I was going to read to him," McGonagall stood uncertain. James smiled.
"Please, it would be very good for him to wake up to such a pleasing voice. What are you reading to him?" the Healer encouraged her. The witched pulled the book from her robes, showing the title. With a little more encouragement McGonagall pulled a chair closer and began to read more about the river and its inhabitants.
Barnes kept a tight scan on his patient, sending in energy sporadically. The twitching had decreased and he could feel Snape's mind surfacing, fingers continued to move over his robe. Very tactile person he mused. Then muscles began to flex and relax, stretching and turning ever so slightly. The healer ran strong hands over a lightly arching back.
Then Snape became more aware of his surroundings and resettled listening to the lilting voice telling him a story. He'd never hear or read Wind in the Willows. Eyes opened slightly to watch McGonagall read aloud. Fingers no longer traveling over the robes but tucked around the Healer as the energy continued to fire and heal nerve endings.
The door opened and James looked up expecting Dumbledore to return. Instead Snuffles bounded in, took a look at McGonagall and stopped before transforming. The dog stiffly walked towards the trio. The witch stopped in her reading.
"Well, 'Snuffles', what are you doing here?" she asked lifting her eyebrow. She knew this was an animagus, she just didn't know who it actually was. The Healer briefly wondered how she'd react. Was she privy that Black was a wrongly accused man? But his speculations were set aside when he felt Snape try to get up and away.
"Severus!" he murmured, pulling his patient tight against him.
"Go, I can go," Snape muttered weakly.
"No, you can't," James replied continuing to send just a little energy to repair more damage.
"Washroom," Snape tried.
"Severus, no. You don't need to leave," Barnes tucked Snape's head under his chin, holding him closer. He could feel the spiral of fear. Well, time to work on that!
"Severus, you don't have to run. No one will hurt you here. Albus wants you right here, safe in his rooms," the Healer crooned softly, running one hand up and down Snape's back while the other held him in place.
"You have had a bad time, Severus. Albus made some very bad choices, listening to Sirius and not to you. He wants to tell you how sorry he is, if you'll let him," Barnes sent a bit of directed energy as nerves twitched. McGonagall looked from the two wizards on the couch to the dog and did some fast figuring. She did not react except to narrow her eyes at the dog.
"Severus, you don't have to run, trust me. Relax. Good. You are just fine. I know you've been remembering your mother and father, too," Barnes pursued, feeling the muscles tighten slightly again. But he kept on talking, kept his hand running up and down while sending in just enough energy to keep the healing going.
"You were hurt very badly, but you can let it go now. They can't hurt you any more. We are going to do all we can to keep you safe."
Movement caught his eye as Mcgonagall leaned closer and ran her hand over Snape's face and hair.
"Now Severus, you're in the best place possible, right here. Concentrate on getting better, let Dr. James and Jeffrey help you. Let Albus in, child. I know he cares for you very much," she murmured. Snuffles slid down resting his head on his paws with a snort.
"And you, you great beast. I don't know what part in all this you're playing, but the Headmaster is out and won't be back until supper at the least. Leave!" McGonagall swept her arm towards the door and was rewarded with a slight growl and sneer. Not one to be intimidated, she pulled her wand out and pointed it at Snuffles.
"Out. Now. I will remove you," she flicked a stream of sparks towards the dog. Rising, hackles up, Snuffles walked slowly to the door and went out, the door firmly closing behind him. With a huff she returned her wand to her robe sleeve and turned back to Snape.
"Severus, I know this is hard for you, to be completely dependent on others. But don't fight it. I've been almost exactly where you are now, completely helpless for weeks after the overthrow of Grindelwald. So was Albus for that matter. Sometimes you just have to let go. Let go and let us take care of you," the witch gently began to run her hand over Snape's head, soothing him as he tried to compose himself.
Between the Healer and the witch Snape stayed in the present time, albeit trembling and struggling for a minute before he expelled all the air from his lungs in a low sobbing moan.
It HURT. It all hurt so damned much! But there was Dr. James and his warmth and Minerva with her clever hands and words holding him. As a matter of course tears fell although he didn't know what exactly he was crying about. Neither person cared about it, neither encouraged or discouraged him. They just let him be Severus Snape.
He lie there, wrapped warmly, nerves tingled very slightly as the energy pulsed. McGonagall's voice picked up the story of the poor mole lost in the woods snuffling and scared as the rat came to find him. He felt so much like that mole, wanting to curl up in the cold and dead leaves; just give up. But that rat was kind and persistent that he started to listen more closely to the voice as it caressed the words and suddenly there was BADGER and everything was ok again.
"Now Severus," Dr. James quietly interjected, his deep voice reminded him of McGonagall's' for its kindness and timbre. "What about a bit of a wash-up and some lunch? I'm sure Minerva would like a little something before she goes back to teach this afternoon."
They had a very quiet lunch, letting Snape eat slowly, rather distracted. Barnes and McGonagall spoke about her classes, some of the amusing things the students managed to do with various transfiguration spells. After eating enough to satisfy the Healer, Snape drank his potion.
"This one will not put you to sleep, Severus. I thought you might enjoy being awake for a while," Barnes said lightly. He was encouraged by the nod and soft agreement from his patient. McGonagall took her leave, moved to pat Snape on the shoulder. When he flinched she took no notice but gently kissed his temple.
"You'll be fine, Severus. Just fine," she said quietly. He simply looked at her, eyes wide from the various potions working through him and all the feelings that were bubbling up from years of tight control.
When the Headmaster returned he found Barnes curled up on the couch reading while Snape was sitting once more in front of the window wrapped loosely in blankets. He tossed his cloak aside and made a quick trip to the loo. When he came out the Healer was buttoning up his cloak, satchel ready at the door.
"I've left a potion for after dinner, which will also help him sleep as usual. He'll need it by 8 o'clock in any case," Barnes said. "Morning dose is on your desk. He's had a fairly decent afternoon; Minerva read to him and he's wandered a little around the room. I'll send you a more detailed message later this evening once he's in bed. Oh," the Healer turned slightly before he went out the door. "Snuffles stopped by. He'll be back. Minerva tossed him out."
Dumbledore had a few questions to ask, especially about Snuffles, but Barnes was gone. The older wizard shook his head. Jeffrey was still a bit angry with him and James was leaving him without (what Dumbledore considered) necessary information. He wasn't sure which was worse. Well, might as well see if Snape was going to bolt or not!
"Hullo, Severus," Dumbledore tried gently. The thin figure didn't move at first, no indication he'd even heard the greeting. Then Snape shifted slightly.
"It's snowing, Albus," the Potions Master said in a small, but nearly happy voice.
"Big, wet flakes," and Snape looked up at Dumbledore and the older wizard knew it was nearly all right.
"Do you remember when it snowed before?" Snape continued, looking from the window to the Headmaster an˘d back. This was not a simple question, Dumbledore was sure of it and thought back trying to recall snow falls and his friend. Back over the years, to when Snape first became his spy and a cold winter's day nearly sick with dread he'd been found out.
"Yes, Severus. You came back to me and we sat and watched the snow cover the grounds together," Dumbledore said, surprised he'd found that old memory kicking about. Snape just smiled serenely before turning to watch the flurries and flakes dance before him.
The Headmaster managed to sit down on the floor, using the bookshelf and the lounge to lean against. He tapped on Snape's shoulder and beckoned him to come closer.
"Let's warm you, Severus. You're a bit chilled even with your blankets," he managed to pull Snape against him, becoming Snape's backrest, covering them both with the blankets. A little charm and it warmed up, the thin body shivering. They sat together as the snow flew past covering the ground in a magical white carpet.