Author's Note: Thank you to all the new followers, favorites, and comments! I love all y'all!
Shepard sat cross-legged on her couch, her eyes closed. She allowed herself to relax into a sense of peace that Samara had taught her back when she was working with Cerberus. There was so many things racing through her mind and she just needed to relax.
True to her word, she would have taken Kaidan with her and Tali (Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy) if he hadn't been recovering from the beating he had taken from Garrus. So, sense Garrus had been in the wrong, she had taken Liara instead.
However, despite her meditation, her thoughts kept returning to the very beginning of the mission.
Breathe, Hope, Breathe, she thought to herself, all the while talking to Tali about what she was seeing. We're almost at the end.
She hated it- knowing that, at any time, the docking tube could fall out from underneath of her and she would drift off into space. She hoped that the Normandy would be able to rescue her, but she couldn't guarantee it.
"You're almost there," Kaidan said into her private comm channel.
She was thankful that he was there- watching. They still weren't clear on what was going on with each other, but it was wonderful to hear his voice. He had always been a relaxing element.
It was about at that point that the docking tube decided to fall away. She felt herself stop breathing- if only to conserve the oxygen to give herself more time until she was able to get rescued.
"Hope," Kaidan's voice broke into her fear-ridden brain, "You're going to be okay. Disengage your mag boots and let yourself float over to the platform."
She swallowed hard and did as he instructed- what she should have known what to do automatically. As she reached the platform, she reactivated her mag boots and stood there for a few moments to allow herself to calm down.
"Commander," Joker murmured worriedly over the comm.
"No worries, Joker, I made it over, but I don't think the squad's going to be using this docking tube."
The chime of the door halted her thoughts and she tapped her acceptance into her omni-tool without even bothering to figure out who it was.
"Hope," Kaidan's warm voice filled her quarters. "Where're you?"
"Living area," she replied simply- not bothering to change how she was sitting (and also not bothering to open her eyes).
Kaidan stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked her over. Her short red hair was leaking enough water to leave her think tank plastered to her shoulders and her shorts showcased her tan, toned legs (enough that it took his mind to very dangerous places).
"Is this a bad time?"
Shepard laughed humorously. "No such thing exists if one of the crew needs to talk- you reminded me of that the last time." She paused and cracked a weak smile. "If that comment was about the state of my dress, please remember that there is nothing either of us hasn't seen of each other."
God, he'd missed that- her slightly inappropriate teasing. Only problem he had with it right at that point was her tone of exhaustion.
Sitting down carefully on the coffee table in front of her, Kaidan took her hands (which had previously been resting on her knees) into his and was rewarded with the sight of her eyes.
"Talk to me, Hope," he insisted. When she continued to do nothing but stare, he elaborated, "About the docking tube."
She stared at him expressionlessly- something he absolutely detested- and stated, "There's nothing to talk about."
He ran his thumbs over the curves of her hands, not making any sort of forcible, aggressive movements (to do otherwise risked her completely shutting down). "There were a few moments when you flashed back, wasn't there?"
"I don't understand."
"To the Normandy- the SR-1. As the tube fell from its place, all you could think of was when the Normandy exploded. That's why you stopped breathing for a few moments."
"Oh?"
Her faux-disinterest was another thing he hated. Of course, he knew that it was just a defense mechanism.
"Hope, it's okay to have fears. It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes."
She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "I don't fear death, Kaidan," she informed him. "You can't fear something that was- is- so peaceful."
"I know."
With a sigh, she murmured, "I fear the consequences of life," as she drifted off to sleep.
Kaidan stared at her silently- worriedly- for a few minutes before releasing her hands and moving to pick her up. With her in his arms, he realized that she was lighter still than the last time he had picked her up.
She was neglecting herself.
He tucked her snuggly into bed and pressed a kiss to her forehead before making his exit from her quarters. He would have loved to stay and watched over her, but he had a call to make- one that would probably piss her off if she ever figured out it was his doing.
Kaidan paced restlessly outside the pod that held Shepard. Every now and then, she would twitch and her brow would furrow.
This was a battle with her mind- not tangible weapons and explosions. There was no way to help and protect her.
Kaidan hated what was happening.
"Is there no way to know what the hell is going on?" he demanded, not looking away from the impassive face of Hope.
"Shepard trusts Legion," EDI pointed out. "It hasn't been long enough to cause worry. We have to have faith in Shepard's abilities."
Easy for her to say, Kaidan thought bitterly. However, he said, "I have nothing but constant faith for her- that doesn't mean that I don't worry about her, though.
"How's it looking up there, Joker?" Kaidan asked, trying to distract himself.
"Whatever Shepard's doing is making an impact- most of the Geth fighters have been disabled. D'you think we could fit one in the Normandy to keep? We'll just pain it Alliance colors and replace the Kodiak."
"So long as you don't let Shepard or Vega drive it," Kaidan snorted.
"Yeah, no kidding- neither one of them know how to drive."
Shepard's wrist twitched a few times and her brow furrowed again. Kaidan laid his hand on the glass and stared at her.
"Hope," he whispered.
"All Geth fighters have been disabled," Joker informed the ground team as Legion reactivated.
Moments later, the pod open and Shepard stumbled out into his arms- obviously trying to re-acclimate to the real world. Her hands splayed across the front of his chest and her face was buried in the crook of his neck.
"Hope," he murmured into her hair and she looked up at him with clearing blue eyes.
"Kaidan." She shook her head and stepped away from him. "Good catch, Major," she said, a bit more professionally.
"Anytime, Commander."
Shepard looked around and Tali gave her a small nod. "How'd it go?" she inquired- not to anyone in specific.
"All Geth fighters have been deactivated," Legion confirmed. "All is secure."
At that moment, several Geth Primes moved towards them and Shepard looked around nervously. "Are you sure?"
"These Geth wish to join our cause, Shepard-Commander," Legion informed them as the Primes broke into a salute.
Without skipping a beat, she responded in kind to their salute. "I'll let Admiral Hackett know that he's expecting a few Primes," she said, not even bothering to question their change of allegiance.
"We are ready to serve," the Primes responded.
With a nod, she gestured for Kaidan, Legion, and Tali to follow her back to the shuttle.
She was an amazing woman.
Shepard had decided to take James and Javik (she seemed to have an odd fascination with the Prothean) to rescue the Quarian Admiral. This presented Kaidan with the opportunity that he needed to contact someone who had the power to help him.
"Joker," Kaidan began, walking into the comm room, "set up a private link to Admiral Hackett and mark it as urgent."
"You do realize that she'll kill you if she ever figures out what you're doing, don't you?" Joker asked, obviously half-distracted by what he was doing.
"Only way she'll know is if someone tells her," Kaidan pointed out.
"Connected. Give the Admiral a few- he wasn't expecting to hear from us for at least a few hours," Joker informed him.
Kaidan waited impatiently, drumming his fingers against his leg. No one knew how the long the mission was going to take and he needed to be back on the Crew Deck by the time Shepard came back aboard.
"Major," Hackett said, appearing as a Hologram, sounding only mildly surprised. "Joker marked this as urgent."
This was something that most people wouldn't do, Kaidan knew. You didn't ask a fleet admiral to grant the crew of a ship Shoreleave while in the middle of a war for your not-girlfriend. You also didn't do such a thing when said not-girlfriend was Commander Hope Ann Shepard.
"What I'm about to talk to you about needs to be completely confidential- it would do well to make sure that there are no prying ears on your end," Kaidan said slowly.
Hackett stared hard at him and then dismissed whatever crew had been around him. He turned back to Kaidan. "This isn't about Hope, is it?" he asked, suspicious.
"She's burning herself out, Admiral. She's not sleeping and barely eating- she's losing weight at an alarming rate. I have a request that she can never find out about."
His words seemed to have struck Hackett as worrisome. "Go on."
What a relief. "She needs some Shoreleave- a couple of days. The few hours she spends on the Citadel every now and then aren't cutting it. Right now we're doing a few back-to-back missions for the Quarians, but then we should be okay."
Hackett said nothing as he looked at Kaidan and then at a datapad that he was holding. "In about two weeks I could have a group of engineers work on the Normandy while she's docked on the Citadel- that should take a few days, at least. That's the earliest I can do."
"Anything that'll help," Kaidan acknowledged with a sigh of relief. "Just don't let her know that it's for anything but the Normandy."
A small smile played on Hackett's lips and he nodded. "She does have a bit of a temper, doesn't she? She's a lot like her mother, in that regard. You're a brave man, Major Alenko."
Kaidan snapped a salute. "You're not kidding, Admiral."
Shepard stood completely still in front of the Reaper beam- not even bothering to blink. She knew that this was do or die. It didn't do well to focus on anything else.
I don't fear death.
"Commander!" Tali shouted over the comm.
She raised the targeting gun to take aim for the final time. At the distance between her and the Reaper- there could only be one more time.
"Shepard!" Joker shouted over the comm, urging her on.
Just as her finger twitched on the trigger, Kaidan's voice broke over the comm. "HOPE!" He sounded like he was ready to vault across whatever distance was between them and take her place.
The beam locked onto the glowing eye not a minute too soon- she felt the heat from the beam on her flesh just as bombs fell from the sky at the Reaper. As it fell, she stumbled away from it and let her head fall back so she was looking towards the sky.
I don't fear death.
"Hope!" Kaidan shouted again and she lowered her head in time to see Kaidan barreling at her. She didn't have time enough to tense when he grabbed her by the arms and shook her lightly before crushing her against him (a hard feat when both of them were in armor). "What were you thinking? Hope, just because you don't fear death doesn't mean that you have to invite it to you!"
She rested her head on his armored shoulder. "Hey, Kaidan," she said, humor lacing her voice. "You know, I just fought one of the craziest damn battles I've ever fought."
He rested his chin on top of her head. "Oh yeah- crazier than the Blitz?"
"That was child's play compared to the shit I just faced," she chuckled.
Kaidan kissed the top of her head. "We're going to the Citadel after this. We're getting back onto the Normandy and we're heading to the Citadel," he informed her.
"That an order, Major?" she laughed.
"If it has to be."
She nodded and looked up at him. "Citadel it is, then."
Author's Note: Okay, so I just wiped out the entire Quarian/Geth War in one chapter. It probably read a little rushed and distracted and I'm sorry (it's final's week this week at my college). Not to mention, I have a few things planned for the next three or four chapters- I've been eagerly anticipating this part. So, let me know what you think!