A/N: I'm actually really sad about this, but we've come to the end of "Living Grace". The muse and I went a few rounds, but ultimately, this felt like the perfect place to end this story. Before I officially started this, I had two scenes in mind - the trunk on the water, and also the end scene. The rest of the story just happened, and it was a really good feeling to be able to share that with you.
I want to thank you all so much for taking this journey with me. It was my first venture into the Hawaii Five-0 fandom, but it will not be my last. You've made me feel welcome, and I'm grateful to have developed some wonderful friendships in the short time I've been posting.
I have a request. If you've read but never reviewed, would you mind this one time? If you are one of the regulars, would you mind one more?
The usual disclaimers apply.
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The rest of the afternoon was spent outside, enjoying the weather and the company. Chin manned the grill, and they wanted for nothing due to the amount of food that had come home with Chin, Kono, and Grace. They had gotten shrimp, steak, veggie kabobs, a tropical salad (minus pineapple), and assorted cupcakes for dessert, which was Grace's contribution.
Danny couldn't help but smile as Kono shared with him how animated Grace was at the store, with her even going so far as to say that she couldn't wait to get home and eat. Danny knew that it was a huge amount of progress for her, given how opposed to food she had been for a while.
He had spoken to Dr. Teleia just to reassure himself that there hadn't been anything he was missing after telling Grace about her grandmother. The psychiatrist confirmed that he had done everything right, and that Grace sounded like she was handling everything in a very appropriate way for a normal ten-year-old who had suffered a loss.
It was the word 'normal' that had Danny feeling much better about things. He hadn't been able to be objective with watching Grace like a hawk, so to hear someone who hadn't had a front row seat to everything tell him that things sounded like they were going the way they should was quite a relief.
Grace turned down another swim with Kono, preferring to stay close to her dad and Steve. She was very much in caretaker mode, and the men just let her go with it. She kept them supplied with every type of food and drink they wanted, and even a few that they didn't know that they wanted, but that Grace insisted that they try.
She made sure that both men took their medicine – Danny was pretty sure that Chin and Kono were behind that ambush, but he couldn't fault any of them for caring. Even though he had experienced it before, tonight was probably the first time where the ohana spirit truly resonated with him. Each adult here was family to him, and he was utterly grateful to know that they had his back.
When the sun started to set and the breeze cooled off of the water, she made sure they each had a throw blanket nearby before finally crashing, cuddled next to Danny's side. He chuckled as he lightly played with her hair. "She must be pretty wiped out. I haven't seen her fall asleep in the middle of a sentence since she was about four."
The other adults just smiled at the sight of Danny with Grace. He was such a good father, as tragic as it was for Rachel to lose her mom, the team was happy that Danny was able to be there for Grace and spend some uninterrupted time with her. He had a different temperament than Rachel did during a crisis, and they all agreed that having Danny around her had played a major role in her recovery.
"So what's on the agenda for tomorrow, Boss?" Kono kept her voice low, not wanting to disturb Grace.
Steve glanced at Danny before turning back to Chin and Kono. "Danny wanted to check in with Kerilyn tomorrow morning, now that the infection seems to be gone in his shoulder. She can see him at 8:00. And I have an appointment with Dr. Thompson at 9:30." He didn't add anything more, as both of the cousins knew who Dr. Thompson was.
"Sounds good. Do you want us to keep Grace around the house, or do you mind if we take a trip to visit Kamekona? He's been worried about her, and he did promise her a chance to create her own flavor of shave ice. Grace also mentioned wanting to see Mia again – maybe we can call her to meet us there? It might be a good distraction for tomorrow morning if you guys are going to be gone for a few hours."
Danny nodded at the older detective. "That sounds great, actually. We should be back by probably 11:00 or so, and then we can figure out the rest of the day."
Steve took a breath. "Listen, you two. I think we're both stable enough to get you guys back to your homes after tomorrow. I know that I couldn't have made it through any of this without your help and support, so thank you for that."
Chin just fixed him with a steely gaze. "Ohana, brah. No thanks necessary." His eyes were bright, though, showing Steve that he heard him and that he accepted his thanks.
Kono leaned over, telling Danny, "I'll take her up and get her ready for bed." She was really going to miss spending time with her, although she knew she would still see her. It just wouldn't be the same as being around her all the time. Now, she truly had a taste of what Danny felt every time he had to take Grace back to Rachel's.
Danny relinquished his hold on his daughter, watching as she snuggled her face into Kono's neck. She was out like a light, and he was glad that she was sleeping peacefully. The routine was to make sure that she had her cell phone charging near her bed, and if she woke up scared or worried, knew to come and find any one of the adults that were sleeping.
Nobody faulted her for her nightmares – even Steve and Danny still struggled with them from time to time. She still was hesitant to talk about them, but was getting better at using her worry can on her own. One time, she had brought it to Kono, simply needing some girl time.
It broke Kono's heart to hear that Grace was worried that she was broken or damaged somehow because of what had happened to her. But Kono was firm in telling her that she didn't see Grace as some sort of victim, but rather a strong survivor who had come out on the other side of a horrible nightmare.
Kono quickly got her changed into a nightshirt and tucked her underneath the covers, deciding that for tonight, she would camp out in the guest room with Grace. She could say that it was just in case Grace needed her, but the truth was, she benefitted as well.
Leaving the hall light on, she made her way back downstairs to where the guys had moved the party indoors. "She's out. I think I'll have a slumber party with Miss G tonight. That way, you guys can try and get one night of uninterrupted sleep before Chin and I head back home."
Danny nodded his appreciation, as did Steve. They were both hoping that the night would bring some peaceful rest before tomorrow's visit with Dr. Thompson.
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The hopes of a quiet night were short-lived, as Steve found himself wide awake at 2:00 in the morning. Rather than toss and turn, he decided to head out to the lanai. Thanks to his training, he was able to quietly bypass Chin sleeping on the couch and make his way out into the cool night breeze coming off of the ocean.
He took a few calming breaths, letting the salt scented air wash over him. He wasn't sure what woke him, exactly, but he had a sense of anxiety poking at him. He knew that he was probably apprehensive about his visit with Dr. Thompson later this morning, but it felt like there was more to it than that.
He knew the drill. He knew how the visit would work. Although he really didn't want to go, he would do anything for Grace. And knowing where his thoughts had ventured, he was absolutely certain that he needed to do this not only for himself, but if he had any hopes of being the kind of uncle Grace deserved, for her as well.
He felt like he owed it to Danny to be honest about what had happened, which is why he had asked him to come with him. He felt stuck in a loop of feeling disappointed that he couldn't do more for any of them; and while he had heard it from various people that he had done everything possible, he needed someone who knew him like Dr. Thompson did to cut through the bullshit and give him complete and total candor.
As the early morning hours wore on, the cadence of the waves eventually called to Steve's heartbeat, calming his anxiety level immensely. As his heart rate slowed, he sat in the chair like a sentinel, never losing focus of the house and its occupants.
Finally, as the sun began to paint the sky the palest shade of pink, he saw movement through the kitchen window and waited to see who would come looking for him. It took a few minutes before Chin came through the sliding door with two mugs in his hand.
Wordlessly, he handed Steve his tea and sat down on the vacant chair to Steve's right. Steve appreciated that Chin didn't always need a lot of words, and seemed to sense when quiet was needed, and this morning was no exception.
The two men sat and watched as the rest of the paint palette exploded onto the morning sky. As their part of the world awoke, so did the inhabitants of the house; and before long, there were sounds of laughter and life emanating from within the walls of Steve's home.
Steve realized that he was beyond blessed to have people in his life who mattered most. He may not have a multitude of acquaintances cluttering up his life, but the true friends he did have, he kept close to his heart.
The sounds of Grace's giggle chimed through the window and he couldn't help but smile. She was light and love, and represented the good in this world – and as much as he didn't want to go through with his appointment this morning, he knew that he would, in good faith, so that he could look himself in the mirror and know that he had done everything he could for Grace, for himself, and for his ohana.
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After all was said and done, the morning wasn't quite as intense as what Steve had expected it to be. Danny was back on track for more therapy visits with Kerilyn, and she was pleased to see that he was on the mend. He had a couple of new 'homework' assignments that Grace could help him out with, and Danny was sure that she would be thrilled with her duties as his official therapy helper.
Steve's appointment with Dr. Thompson brought a sense of resolution to some of the issues that were plaguing Steve, particularly at night. His subconscious was stuck in a loop of thinking that he had missed something, which was making him somewhat hyper-aware during the day.
All told, between the stuck feeling and him being overly vigilant of his surroundings, Steve had been on the verge of a mild PTSD episode, but Dr. Thompson was able to guide him to step back and think about how the trauma of rescuing Grace was affecting him. Once he was forced to talk it through and fully describe everything he had been through, it was like a weight had lifted from him, and he felt considerably more centered.
He also reminded him that the VA offered online tools to help with some of the symptoms that Steve was experiencing – they were easily accessible reminders of the skills he already had on board, but may have forgotten over time.
Dr. Thompson also spent some time talking with Danny, on an 'unofficial' basis. He knew that the partners were close, and this whole heartbreaking event with Grace had not only affected them individually, but as family, too. He felt that he owed it to the both of them to make sure they had some coping mechanisms in place. All in all, he thought they both were handling things quite well, although there was potential for more emotional fallout if they were to let things build up too much again.
Danny had received a text from Chin, with a picture of Grace attached. She was in Kamekona's stand, with a shave ice nearly as large as her head. Danny thought he counted at least six possible flavors, and all Chin said was, "Grace's new concoction – taste the rainbow!"
Steve grinned as he saw the absolute joy on Grace's face – it was something they hadn't seen in way too long of a time. Chin had also said that Grace had gotten to see Mia, and that she was about ready to head back home.
Danny replied as best he could, and he and Steve headed for the truck. As Danny got himself situated, Steve turned and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Danny, I just wanted to say thanks for coming with me this morning. I knew I needed to see him, and I owe it to you and Grace to make things better."
Danny briefly clasped Steve's forearm in support. "There was nowhere else I would rather be. Now I'm not blaming myself for anything here – but I can't help but feel indirectly responsible for the things you are going through. So if me being there for you benefitted you in any way, then absolutely, I owe it to you to help however I can." Both men understood what the other was trying to say, and it was a relief to not only be on the same page, but feel like things might actually be starting to return to a new sense of normal.
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Kono and Chin were already back at Steve's house by the time they got there. Making their way into the house, Danny stopped short at the concerned look on the cousins' face.
"What happened? What's wrong?" Danny was close to ramping up, but Steve placed a calming hand on his shoulder.
"It's nothing specific, that I can tell." Kono kept glancing out at the lanai, where Grace was sitting.
Danny followed her gaze, but couldn't really detect a problem from where he stood. "What do you mean?"
Chin shrugged one shoulder. "She seemed to have a great morning visiting Kamekona and Mia. After her shave ice experiment, Mia took her to the playground next to the big guy's truck and they sat on the swings and talked for a while. She looked happy when Mia walked her back over to us – she gave her a big hug and everything seemed good."
Kono picked up the story. "After she came back, I asked if she wanted to go down along the water and find some shells with me, but that was when she said she was ready to come back here. I didn't think anything of it, but she seemed to get quieter as we drove. Like I said, I didn't notice anything specific – maybe she was just missing you? Something just seems off, but I can't put my finger on just what it is."
Danny took a deep breath. "Maybe she'll talk to one of us when she's ready? She's gotten better at finding someone when things get to be too much."
Still, now that they could see her sitting in the grass, they could tell that something was on her mind – something big. She was worrying her lip again, and her hands were fidgeting in the grass – alternating playing with the grass and pulling it out.
Chin motioned towards the kitchen. "I thought we could do a pasta salad – there is leftover shrimp and chicken that we can mix in, along with some of the grilled veggies. If you guys want to go hang with Grace, Kono and I can get lunch together. Maybe thirty minutes, or so?"
Danny nodded, as Steve immediately headed for the lanai. "Sounds good. Maybe a low-key afternoon will help Grace? I just wish I knew what was on her mind, you know?"
Chin nodded. "Hopefully she'll tell you. But like I said, there wasn't anything specific that happened – she just got really quiet on the way back, and then once we got here, she headed out to the grass right away."
Danny thanked Chin and turned towards the door. He approached Steve as he watched Grace sit on the grass. Her face was wistful as she stared out at the ocean, but she made no effort to move towards the water.
"Steve? Have you noticed anything off about Grace?" He wasn't sure what it was, but now that he could see her face, he knew that there was something going on with his daughter.
Steve nodded. "I thought yesterday that she might have had something on her mind, but then she seemed to perk up. I kept hoping that she would talk to you about it, but she looked like she was more like her old self. Does she seem like she's hurting? Maybe she's worried about Rachel?"
Danny took a long hard look at his daughter – and especially the direction of her gaze – before finally muttering a muffled, "Fuck! I can't believe I never put it together until now! I just realized that she hasn't gone into the water once since she came home from the hospital! Have you noticed that?"
Steve was taken aback, but after thinking about it, realized that what Danny said was true. The more he thought back to things – Grace telling him to go running, not swimming; refusing to go out into the ocean with Kono; going into the house to draw instead of being near the water – the more he started to realize that somewhere along the line, she had developed an aversion to the water, and who could blame her?
"I never even realized that she has been hiding from the water, but damn, Danny – it makes total sense. Everything bad that happened to her, happened on the water. How do you want to handle this?"
Danny blew out a frustrated breath. "I don't want to have to handle it, Steve. Is this ever going to end? That fucker…I swear, if he wasn't dead already, I'd go back and punch him in the nuts before I beat the ever loving shit out of him. I remember a conversation with Dr. Teleia – not about this, but before Grace was released; and she said that any time Grace was worried or scared of something, to try to get Grace to acknowledge her fears – something about getting them out giving them less power? But she said to try to get her talking at least. We have to get her to at least try to talk about this."
Danny shook his head. "This is ironic, to say the least. You know my feelings about the ocean. So I get to now try to convince my daughter that it's okay? I just know I'm going to fuck this up, somehow."
Steve chuckled, not at his friend, but at the absurdity of the situation. "I can try and talk to her, if you want? I know that she used to love spending time with me out here – maybe she'll listen? It's worth a try, right?"
Danny looked back to where Grace was sitting, downhearted. He turned to his best friend and nodded. "Go for it. Whatever you have to do or say – just try to get my Grace back, okay?"
Steve nodded and quietly walked over to where Grace was sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest. Steve knelt down next to her and reached for her hand. Grace took it without question, and they both sat in silence for a few seconds.
"Grace. You're not in trouble at all, okay? I want you to know that. But here's the deal. We know that you have something on your mind. Your dad and I think that we figured out what you've been worried about. Will you tell me if we're right?"
Grace looked at him with what Steve could only describe as relief, and nodded.
"Okay. So I've noticed that ever since you've been home from the hospital, you haven't been a big fan of the water. Am I close?"
Grace chewed on her lip and creased her forehead. Reluctantly, she nodded slowly.
Steve just squeezed her hand. "And I've also noticed that you haven't really wanted anyone else to go near the water either. You didn't want me to swim. You didn't want Kono to take you on the surfboard. Am I getting warmer?" He kept his face calm, not wanting her to feel at all guilty for her fears.
A tear trickled down her cheek before she looked down at her knees.
"Aww, sweetheart. You haven't done anything wrong here at all. I promise you that. And I also promise you that your dad and I understand why you're scared. It's actually pretty normal, with what you went through."
Grace lifted her head in surprise, and Steve nodded supportively. "I want you to know, though, that what happened to you was because of one bad man. That man is dead now, and he can't ever hurt you again. Grace, I don't want you to only remember the bad things that happened to you on the water. I want you to be able to remember all of the good things…you and I splashing your Dad until he was soaking wet. Kono teaching you to surf. Building sand castles with Uncle Chin. You and I swimming and seeing the spinner dolphins. Do you remember all of that?"
Grace nodded slowly. "But what if something bad happens again?" And there was the crux of the problem…what needed the power taken away from it.
Steve put one arm around her shoulders and hugged her warmly. "I guess what you have to ask yourself is, are you willing to give up all of the good things for one 'what if'? To me, it doesn't seem worth it that one bad guy gets to take away all of the good things that you love about the beach. The smells. The sounds. Being in the water. Are you going to let him win, Grace? Are you going to let him take it all away from you?"
Steve could see Danny out of the corner of his eye. He was hanging back, but had heard everything that Steve said. Now, it was up to Grace. She had to decide whether Murdock would win, or whether she would take back what she loved.
It took a few silent minutes before Grace finally stood up. She reached for Steve's left hand, and held her hand out for Danny to take her other hand. Being sandwiched between the two men gave her the courage to take the first step – and then the second. Together, the three of them walked down the shallow beach until the waves were just lapping at their feet.
It was a small gesture, but one that proved to everyone, Grace included, that she had taken the first step towards gaining control back and deciding that her life was worth fully living.
Fin