Disclaimer: I don't own it. I own this.
Thanks to:
Fool Of a Took part II: I'm glad you agree with my comparison, though Byakko is a bit more of a softie than Spike. I'm glad I served as an inspiration and when and if you post it, let me know and I'd be glad to read it and let you know what I think.
chibichibi386: I'm sorry the quote caused you annoyance, especially since I took forever to post this chapter. ::sweatdrop:: Well, I hope you like this chapter.
Metajoker: I'm sorry it didn't measure up to your expectations. I hope you find this one a bit more worthy of your time although it is still informative. While I enjoy writing the more action filled chapters, the nature of this story demands that I inform the rest of you of what is going on in between the lines, since not everyone is gifted with insight into my often demented thought processes. I apologize for my bad word choice in describing the previous chapter, but at the time, it seemed somewhat dark since it involved suicide and possession. I suppose in our day and age, these topics are not quite as upsetting to everyone as I know they bother some people. Once again, I apologize and hope you enjoy this chapter more.
neppy: I'm glad, you at least enjoyed that chapter. But then again, you ARE my best friend so I suppose it makes since that you can see between the lines of the story better than the people who don't know me. (Refrains from naming anyone in particular) And I'm glad you saw the differences.
Atomic-Witch: Thanks for reading my story! I'm glad you like it so much! I'm kind of fond of it, too, lol.
Bronze Dagger: I'm very impressed that you read the whole thing. You deserve a cookie for that (I'm serious: my friend wanted a copy so I went through and revised the whole thing...it took me forever. I still haven't gotten around to posting the changes...) I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Author's Note: Yeah. I know. I haven't updated in (::checks calendar and counts::) over three months. I'm sorry. Really! I am. I haven't had time and when I did have time, I didn't know what to write. As we near the end of this story, I am finding it harder and harder to express in words what my mind says should happen in this story. And for that, I apologize and humbly ask you to stick with me. I already have the very ending written out along with the epilogue that should, if I ever get around to planning it, lead into the sequel perfectly. But anyway, this next chapter is decently long, although some of you might find it a bit boring since rather than writing some stuff out, I did a brief recap and moved forward with the plot. I hope you don't mind.
Chapter 34: Reunions Aren't Always Fun
I was lying on my back on a bed that would never be completely comfortable counting the tiles that make up the ceiling of a room that couldn't hold a candle up to the one I left behind at home in a dress too expensive for my taste. The meeting with the emperor went as well as could be expected, all things considered. Poor Hotohori had a lot to grasp in a short period of time, I suppose, finding out that I was a spy, just like he had thought in the very beginning, but am now the Oracle, which puts me in a place of more power than he himself holds so he can't even punish me. Along with that, him and the other Suzaku warriors had to deal with the fact that their patron god, the one who granted them their special abilities, was now sealed, taking their powers with him. Add that to the fact that most of them haven't gotten over my "betrayal" and you can start to grasp what they are feeling. I don't even pretend that the others will ever fully trust me again but that no longer stung as much as it had before. After everything I've gone through and have yet to face, the fact that a couple people I'll never see again don't trust me just doesn't faze me anymore. It's not like I'll remember them, anyway. 'Though I did like the looks on everyone's faces when I popped in on them in their little meeting, dressed like I was. I have to hand it to the gods, they do know how to impress people,' I thought with a barely suppressed laugh. 'Although I was a bit surprised as well at the fact that Hotohori took a wife. I can't believe she thought she could tell me I couldn't fight in the upcoming battle. Like her or the emperor have a say in the matter.' I didn't try to contain the laughter that time: I needed a good laugh.
After my meeting with Syalle in the Seclusion Chamber, the gods had thought it best that we work as effectively and efficiently as possible. For me, that meant that I had to have a bit of an upgrade appearance wise. Both Genbu and Byakko felt that it would be easier for me to convince the others of my position if I looked like an Oracle, rather than one of Hotohori's harem members. So they gave me a quick "make-over," including a quick rinse and some very strange yet mildly appealing clothing that seemed to be permanently blowing in an unseen wind. Miraculously, it worked. While the warriors still looked at me with barely concealed distrust, they listened to what I had to say and accepted the fact that for once, I knew more than they did. I could have almost been happy, but I'm not. Not even close.
Shiriko nudged my hand, bringing my thoughts back to the more immediate present, the one where I'm stuck in a place where just about everyone hates me and, though they'd never admit it, I was basically under house arrest. I pet my dog's head absent-mindedly, returning to my thoughts. I had been happy to see him, ecstatic, really, but had experienced slight dismay at the lack of my bag. I must have left it in Kutou, which really sucked since it has all of my belongings from my own world, along with the box that Taiitsu-kun had given me. 'If that falls into the wrong hands...' I thought for probably the hundredth time since I realized it was missing. 'Stop worrying, Yume. You have a lot to do, remember?' Byakko chided. 'Yeah, I know, but I can't help it. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. I may have fooled the others with my "omniscient Oracle" bit but you know I don't even know what my powers are yet! What if it's something stupid? Nakago will kill me...I'm doomed...' 'We believe in you, Yume. You'll be fine. Now rest,' the tiger god ordered.
I sighed but declined a response. It's easy for them to have confidence in me: they're gods. They could beat Nakago no problem. I, however, am just another stupid kid. I have no clue what I'm doing. There's no way I can beat Nakago by myself. I don't even know how I did it the first time. But there's no use in telling them that. They have complete and total faith in me. I'm the Oracle. Whether I think I can or not, defeating Nakago is my responsibility. No one else can do it. Well, other people can do it but no one but me is allowed to do it. It's up to me. The pressure, however, is killing me.
I got up and straightened the stupid dress, suddenly finding it more restricting than appealing. Every time I smoothed a wrinkle out, the "unseen wind" put it back. It's enough to steal back the shred or calm I had recovered. The dress was just another prop tying me to the image I have created for myself, just one more thing keeping me from what I really want to do: escape. I needed someone to talk to but ever since my interrogation at Taiitsu-kun's, my only friends have been my dog and the voices in my head. Not very good options but they beat talking to my so-called "assistants." 'Maybe Chichiri will talk to me,' I thought. 'It's either him or the emperor. They both should know what I'm going through.' Whether or not they'll care is a completely different story, one I did not feel like thinking about at the moment.
Having reached a decision, I headed for the door and set off in search of the monk. I immediately thought to go to his room but decided against it. Too many other people I'd rather not face at the moment inhabit that hallway as well. The last thing on earth I wanted to do right then was wind up running into Tasuki. He was, after all, about a third of the problem. I had come to terms with the fact that I cared about him sometime during the period we spent apart, but by now I know it's too late to do anything about it. Once again, I'm a step behind, too slow to ever reach my goal when it is attainable. Sighing deeply, I turned instead to the courtyard. It was a perfect day for fishing; at least I hoped Chichiri would think so. The sky was nearly cloudless and it was warm but not hot. Sure enough, in his usual spot, sat Chichiri, fishing pole in hand. He looked up as I approached but due to the mask he always wore, I couldn't tell if he was happy to see me or not.
"Hi, Chichiri," I greeted hesitantly, hoping he'd at least let me speak to him.
"Good afternoon, Yume. Would you like to join me? It's been a while since I've had company when I was fishing," he replied, gesturing to the place next to him.
I sat in the place he indicated after murmuring a "thank you" but didn't know where to go from there. Thinking about talking about your fears is one thing, but actually giving voice to them is another. Luckily for me, he read my mind and solved the problem for me.
"I was going to look for you later today so I'm glad you found me," he said. Unsure of how to respond, I muttered something unintelligible I hoped he'd take for a proper response. "I wanted to tell that what I told you the last time we sat here together still stands: if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."
Despite all the restrictions I try to put on my emotions to keep them from taking control of me, at his words I broke down. Even after all the trouble I caused them, that he was still willing to be there for me astounded me. "Chichiri...I... I... Thank you," I stammered, finally letting go of all the emotions that had been building up and allowing them to come forth, collapsing into ragged sobs in the process. Something about him always makes me take my guard down. "I...I...don't know what to do...I'm so...scared... I can't fight Nakago again... He'll...kill me...He said he was going to... going to..." I couldn't finish. It was all too much. Another round of tears seized me.
"Shh...it's ok, Yume. It'll all be ok," he assured, holding me to his chest and smoothing my hair. We remained like that for the better part of a half- hour: me, crying like a baby and him smoothing my hair and whispering comforting words. Finally, a break came in the sobs and he talked again. "Nothing's going to happen to you. Now, wipe away those tears before you ruin your dress and tell me what's bothering you, ok?"
I pushed myself off of him and did as I was told, feeling like a complete idiot. "I'm sorry, Chichiri. I don't know what came over me. I feel so stupid crying like that. At least you have something to tell the others. This will give them a good laugh," I said bitterly, wiping my eyes with the back of hand.
"I'm not going to tell the others, Yume. I said I was here for you, that doesn't mean I'm going to listen to you and then tell everyone what you said," he replied seriously. "Consider it Oracle-monk privilege, you know." I couldn't help but laugh at that and he gave me a weak smile, visible now that he wasn't wearing his mask. "Now then, are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you going to leave me guessing?"
"I'll tell you, now that I know it's under the protection of the Oracle- monk privilege," I said with mock seriousness. He gave me a playful shove, something I don't recall ever seeing him do before, and, despite the lingering depression I felt, I smiled at him. "I just don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to wind up failing miserably and Nakago will win. You guys should just send me to him now and get it over with. It will buy you some time before he attacks, at least."
"Yume! You should know that in spite of everything, you're still a friend and we're not just going to send you to Nakago so he can kill you, you know," he exclaimed. "Besides, the time we'd get to prepare for the attack while he kills you won't be enough to really make a difference so we might as well keep you around as an extra maid or something."
I sighed. "He doesn't want to kill me, Chichiri, so you might get more time than you think from sending me over there. I won't hold it against you if you change your mind," I replied dully. Understanding slowly dawned on his face followed by a look of intense discomfort. "I can leave if you want, Chichiri. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"It's...it's ok, Yume. Now at least I understand some of your distress. I wouldn't want to go back to him, either."
"I don't really have a choice. I have to face him eventually," I told him grimly. "Besides, he was the one who brought me here. I might as well give him what he wants." The expression on my face must have been far from comforting because Chichiri pulled me into another embrace.
"It's ok to be scared, Yume. Everyone is once in a while," he said into my hair.
"I know, but now is not the time," I responded, pulling away and standing up. "Thanks for the moral support. I have a couple more things to take care of before I call it a night so I'm going to get going."
"Don't mention it, Yume. You may be hard to deal with from time to time but I still like you, you know. Most of the time, anyway," he added with a grin.
"The feeling's mutual, Chichiri," I chuckled. "See you around."
"Good luck talking to Tasuki," he called after me.
I turned back to him, my eyes narrowing accusingly. "Can you read minds or something?" I asked.
"Just yours."
"I knew it." He laughed and I headed back into the palace to seek out Tasuki.
I was still only half sure that I wanted to talk to him. Somehow, talking to Chichiri made me realize that some things have to be faced while others you can run away from. Add that to the fact that I'm not going to remember it anyway and you get my current feeling on the matter: "Why the hell not?" Perhaps it's not the best philosophy, I'm sure a lot of mistakes were made by people who felt that way, but that's how I feel and that's what I'm doing. I'll never forgive myself if I don't at least try.
I reached his door in little time and knocked timidly, hoping to find him by himself. I wasn't even sure if he knew I was back yet; he wasn't at the meeting I crashed. "Just a sec," a gruff voice said from the interior of the room. The door opened and the occupant stood in the doorway, looking at me, his thoughts cleverly hidden behind an unrevealing face. "What do you want?" he demanded, the slight strain in his voice giving away a bit of his thoughts, (along with his eyes that kept drifting downward).
For once to nervous to care where his eyes were drifting, I asked, "Can we please talk?"
"I don't know why I'm doing this, but fine. We can talk. Come in," he answered, moving out of the doorway to let me in. The room was messy, I noted, and had a definite Tasuki smell. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I found myself standing in his room, surrounded by his things and his scent. He shut the door roughly, waking me from my little spell, and took a seat on the bed, gesturing to a chair for me.
"Thanks," I said.
We just sat there for a few minutes, trapped in an awkward silence. I didn't know how to tell him what I knew I had to before the end: it might not make a difference, but I had to try. I won't remember anyway. He just looked at the wall behind my head, carefully not allowing his gaze to rest on me for more than a second. Whatever he was feeling right then seemed to come from my presence and I wasn't sure whether it was good or bad.
Finally, I spoke up. "Tasuki... I..." I began.
"Let me guess: you're sorry? I've heard, from both you and those two voices you sent to tell me a while back," he interrupted, sounding overly abrupt, as though just talking to me caused him discomfort.
"That's not what I was going to say," I lied. "I'm going to be leaving soon -for good this time- and I needed to tell you the truth." I took a deep breath and continued. "When you told me how you felt about me, despite it not being the best of times or ways, I didn't know how to react. It's not everyday that a really great guy professes his love to you. On one hand, I was numb from just the day but still ecstatic, and on the other, I knew it could never be. I mean I was working for your enemy at the time. I thought that by letting you down initially, I was protecting both you and myself. I didn't consider that my own feelings for you would make getting over you so hard.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope one day you'll forgive me. I know there's no chance for us to be any more than friends but I hope we can go back to the way things once were."
He had remained silent during my entire confession and when I looked at him now, I could see words on the verge of being spoken but being forced back. There was a knock on the door and then it opened, admitting Tamahome. He looked from me to Tasuki, obviously confused but reading the atmosphere.
"Well, there's goes my news," he said quickly. "I'll come back later."
"No, it's fine, Tamahome. Yume was just leaving," Tasuki replied, his voice thick with repressed emotion. What that emotion was, I couldn't tell.
I muttered an excuse and rushed past Tamahome, tears already forming in my eyes. I hurried through the halls, hoping to make it back to my room before I broke down and by the time my door was shut behind me, I was bawling. After all I went through, I had managed to get up the courage to tell him my feelings and exactly what I had feared would happen did. I sat in a heap on the floor of my room, Shiriko's head in my lap and, for the second time that day, cried my eyes out.
He watched Yume leave, even after she was no longer visible, cursing his stubbornness. Tamahome studied his face, searching for some clue as to what caused Yume to leave like that, though he had his guesses. He couldn't help but feel sorry for her just then, practically running from the room to keep them from seeing the tears that were no doubt running freely down her face now. Despite his better judgment, Tamahome put a hand on Tasuki's shoulder and spoke up.
"I don't claim to know a lot about girls, especially the ones from another world, but I can give you a few pointers if you want," he said to the bandit.
Tasuki turned his gaze to his friend, who nearly wilted under the barely held back intensity of it. "Nah. There's nothing to give advice about. She just came to tell me that she'd be leaving soon." 'And how she felt about you! Why didn't you just speak up? Maybe, if you had said something she'd be willing to stay here with you!' his mind yelled at him.
Tamahome looked at him skeptically. "Ok...but my offer stands. Judging by the look on her face, that's not all that happened here..."
"I don't think you came here to give me relationship advice, Tamahome, but if you did you can just shove it and leave 'cause I don't want it," he snarled.
"You're right. I came here to go over what happened in the meeting that you decided to skip..." Tasuki only half-listened to Tamahome talk about battle plans, his mind somewhere else, consoling someone who probably would not want to see him again.
Author's Note: That wasn't the best chapter. Yume was moody. Let me guess, that's exactly what you all were thinking? Well, then I am going to use this author's note to provide insight into Yume's poor tortured mind. She's been through a lot lately, and the only people she's been able to talk to are the voices in her head, her assistants (for a bit anyway) and the crotchety old lady known as Taiitsu-kun. No one of the above really cares what's she's feeling and so she's pretty much a friendless loser going through some tough times. Chichiri's acceptance shocked her to the point that her natural barriers snapped and she just cried. Something about him, power of suggestion, perhaps, made her think that she had to talk to Tasuki so she tried. The speech she had prepared in her head over and over again but never actually planned to say. Does that help? I hope so. Anyway, I hope that chapter wasn't that boring or bad. I'll try to get the next one up in a decent amount of time, since I have some idea of where I want it to go. I think I might actually work on the plot in that one. Don't all fall down at once. Well, I don't have a quote...but I'll make one up for you...
"Of...of course. Please," I gestured to the interior of my chamber, unsure of how to react to this strange twist. "My room is your room...literally."
Heh heh. Hotohori gets a role. Hopefully, I don't write that scene out. I liked it.
Smack
Thanks to:
Fool Of a Took part II: I'm glad you agree with my comparison, though Byakko is a bit more of a softie than Spike. I'm glad I served as an inspiration and when and if you post it, let me know and I'd be glad to read it and let you know what I think.
chibichibi386: I'm sorry the quote caused you annoyance, especially since I took forever to post this chapter. ::sweatdrop:: Well, I hope you like this chapter.
Metajoker: I'm sorry it didn't measure up to your expectations. I hope you find this one a bit more worthy of your time although it is still informative. While I enjoy writing the more action filled chapters, the nature of this story demands that I inform the rest of you of what is going on in between the lines, since not everyone is gifted with insight into my often demented thought processes. I apologize for my bad word choice in describing the previous chapter, but at the time, it seemed somewhat dark since it involved suicide and possession. I suppose in our day and age, these topics are not quite as upsetting to everyone as I know they bother some people. Once again, I apologize and hope you enjoy this chapter more.
neppy: I'm glad, you at least enjoyed that chapter. But then again, you ARE my best friend so I suppose it makes since that you can see between the lines of the story better than the people who don't know me. (Refrains from naming anyone in particular) And I'm glad you saw the differences.
Atomic-Witch: Thanks for reading my story! I'm glad you like it so much! I'm kind of fond of it, too, lol.
Bronze Dagger: I'm very impressed that you read the whole thing. You deserve a cookie for that (I'm serious: my friend wanted a copy so I went through and revised the whole thing...it took me forever. I still haven't gotten around to posting the changes...) I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Author's Note: Yeah. I know. I haven't updated in (::checks calendar and counts::) over three months. I'm sorry. Really! I am. I haven't had time and when I did have time, I didn't know what to write. As we near the end of this story, I am finding it harder and harder to express in words what my mind says should happen in this story. And for that, I apologize and humbly ask you to stick with me. I already have the very ending written out along with the epilogue that should, if I ever get around to planning it, lead into the sequel perfectly. But anyway, this next chapter is decently long, although some of you might find it a bit boring since rather than writing some stuff out, I did a brief recap and moved forward with the plot. I hope you don't mind.
Chapter 34: Reunions Aren't Always Fun
I was lying on my back on a bed that would never be completely comfortable counting the tiles that make up the ceiling of a room that couldn't hold a candle up to the one I left behind at home in a dress too expensive for my taste. The meeting with the emperor went as well as could be expected, all things considered. Poor Hotohori had a lot to grasp in a short period of time, I suppose, finding out that I was a spy, just like he had thought in the very beginning, but am now the Oracle, which puts me in a place of more power than he himself holds so he can't even punish me. Along with that, him and the other Suzaku warriors had to deal with the fact that their patron god, the one who granted them their special abilities, was now sealed, taking their powers with him. Add that to the fact that most of them haven't gotten over my "betrayal" and you can start to grasp what they are feeling. I don't even pretend that the others will ever fully trust me again but that no longer stung as much as it had before. After everything I've gone through and have yet to face, the fact that a couple people I'll never see again don't trust me just doesn't faze me anymore. It's not like I'll remember them, anyway. 'Though I did like the looks on everyone's faces when I popped in on them in their little meeting, dressed like I was. I have to hand it to the gods, they do know how to impress people,' I thought with a barely suppressed laugh. 'Although I was a bit surprised as well at the fact that Hotohori took a wife. I can't believe she thought she could tell me I couldn't fight in the upcoming battle. Like her or the emperor have a say in the matter.' I didn't try to contain the laughter that time: I needed a good laugh.
After my meeting with Syalle in the Seclusion Chamber, the gods had thought it best that we work as effectively and efficiently as possible. For me, that meant that I had to have a bit of an upgrade appearance wise. Both Genbu and Byakko felt that it would be easier for me to convince the others of my position if I looked like an Oracle, rather than one of Hotohori's harem members. So they gave me a quick "make-over," including a quick rinse and some very strange yet mildly appealing clothing that seemed to be permanently blowing in an unseen wind. Miraculously, it worked. While the warriors still looked at me with barely concealed distrust, they listened to what I had to say and accepted the fact that for once, I knew more than they did. I could have almost been happy, but I'm not. Not even close.
Shiriko nudged my hand, bringing my thoughts back to the more immediate present, the one where I'm stuck in a place where just about everyone hates me and, though they'd never admit it, I was basically under house arrest. I pet my dog's head absent-mindedly, returning to my thoughts. I had been happy to see him, ecstatic, really, but had experienced slight dismay at the lack of my bag. I must have left it in Kutou, which really sucked since it has all of my belongings from my own world, along with the box that Taiitsu-kun had given me. 'If that falls into the wrong hands...' I thought for probably the hundredth time since I realized it was missing. 'Stop worrying, Yume. You have a lot to do, remember?' Byakko chided. 'Yeah, I know, but I can't help it. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. I may have fooled the others with my "omniscient Oracle" bit but you know I don't even know what my powers are yet! What if it's something stupid? Nakago will kill me...I'm doomed...' 'We believe in you, Yume. You'll be fine. Now rest,' the tiger god ordered.
I sighed but declined a response. It's easy for them to have confidence in me: they're gods. They could beat Nakago no problem. I, however, am just another stupid kid. I have no clue what I'm doing. There's no way I can beat Nakago by myself. I don't even know how I did it the first time. But there's no use in telling them that. They have complete and total faith in me. I'm the Oracle. Whether I think I can or not, defeating Nakago is my responsibility. No one else can do it. Well, other people can do it but no one but me is allowed to do it. It's up to me. The pressure, however, is killing me.
I got up and straightened the stupid dress, suddenly finding it more restricting than appealing. Every time I smoothed a wrinkle out, the "unseen wind" put it back. It's enough to steal back the shred or calm I had recovered. The dress was just another prop tying me to the image I have created for myself, just one more thing keeping me from what I really want to do: escape. I needed someone to talk to but ever since my interrogation at Taiitsu-kun's, my only friends have been my dog and the voices in my head. Not very good options but they beat talking to my so-called "assistants." 'Maybe Chichiri will talk to me,' I thought. 'It's either him or the emperor. They both should know what I'm going through.' Whether or not they'll care is a completely different story, one I did not feel like thinking about at the moment.
Having reached a decision, I headed for the door and set off in search of the monk. I immediately thought to go to his room but decided against it. Too many other people I'd rather not face at the moment inhabit that hallway as well. The last thing on earth I wanted to do right then was wind up running into Tasuki. He was, after all, about a third of the problem. I had come to terms with the fact that I cared about him sometime during the period we spent apart, but by now I know it's too late to do anything about it. Once again, I'm a step behind, too slow to ever reach my goal when it is attainable. Sighing deeply, I turned instead to the courtyard. It was a perfect day for fishing; at least I hoped Chichiri would think so. The sky was nearly cloudless and it was warm but not hot. Sure enough, in his usual spot, sat Chichiri, fishing pole in hand. He looked up as I approached but due to the mask he always wore, I couldn't tell if he was happy to see me or not.
"Hi, Chichiri," I greeted hesitantly, hoping he'd at least let me speak to him.
"Good afternoon, Yume. Would you like to join me? It's been a while since I've had company when I was fishing," he replied, gesturing to the place next to him.
I sat in the place he indicated after murmuring a "thank you" but didn't know where to go from there. Thinking about talking about your fears is one thing, but actually giving voice to them is another. Luckily for me, he read my mind and solved the problem for me.
"I was going to look for you later today so I'm glad you found me," he said. Unsure of how to respond, I muttered something unintelligible I hoped he'd take for a proper response. "I wanted to tell that what I told you the last time we sat here together still stands: if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."
Despite all the restrictions I try to put on my emotions to keep them from taking control of me, at his words I broke down. Even after all the trouble I caused them, that he was still willing to be there for me astounded me. "Chichiri...I... I... Thank you," I stammered, finally letting go of all the emotions that had been building up and allowing them to come forth, collapsing into ragged sobs in the process. Something about him always makes me take my guard down. "I...I...don't know what to do...I'm so...scared... I can't fight Nakago again... He'll...kill me...He said he was going to... going to..." I couldn't finish. It was all too much. Another round of tears seized me.
"Shh...it's ok, Yume. It'll all be ok," he assured, holding me to his chest and smoothing my hair. We remained like that for the better part of a half- hour: me, crying like a baby and him smoothing my hair and whispering comforting words. Finally, a break came in the sobs and he talked again. "Nothing's going to happen to you. Now, wipe away those tears before you ruin your dress and tell me what's bothering you, ok?"
I pushed myself off of him and did as I was told, feeling like a complete idiot. "I'm sorry, Chichiri. I don't know what came over me. I feel so stupid crying like that. At least you have something to tell the others. This will give them a good laugh," I said bitterly, wiping my eyes with the back of hand.
"I'm not going to tell the others, Yume. I said I was here for you, that doesn't mean I'm going to listen to you and then tell everyone what you said," he replied seriously. "Consider it Oracle-monk privilege, you know." I couldn't help but laugh at that and he gave me a weak smile, visible now that he wasn't wearing his mask. "Now then, are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you going to leave me guessing?"
"I'll tell you, now that I know it's under the protection of the Oracle- monk privilege," I said with mock seriousness. He gave me a playful shove, something I don't recall ever seeing him do before, and, despite the lingering depression I felt, I smiled at him. "I just don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to wind up failing miserably and Nakago will win. You guys should just send me to him now and get it over with. It will buy you some time before he attacks, at least."
"Yume! You should know that in spite of everything, you're still a friend and we're not just going to send you to Nakago so he can kill you, you know," he exclaimed. "Besides, the time we'd get to prepare for the attack while he kills you won't be enough to really make a difference so we might as well keep you around as an extra maid or something."
I sighed. "He doesn't want to kill me, Chichiri, so you might get more time than you think from sending me over there. I won't hold it against you if you change your mind," I replied dully. Understanding slowly dawned on his face followed by a look of intense discomfort. "I can leave if you want, Chichiri. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"It's...it's ok, Yume. Now at least I understand some of your distress. I wouldn't want to go back to him, either."
"I don't really have a choice. I have to face him eventually," I told him grimly. "Besides, he was the one who brought me here. I might as well give him what he wants." The expression on my face must have been far from comforting because Chichiri pulled me into another embrace.
"It's ok to be scared, Yume. Everyone is once in a while," he said into my hair.
"I know, but now is not the time," I responded, pulling away and standing up. "Thanks for the moral support. I have a couple more things to take care of before I call it a night so I'm going to get going."
"Don't mention it, Yume. You may be hard to deal with from time to time but I still like you, you know. Most of the time, anyway," he added with a grin.
"The feeling's mutual, Chichiri," I chuckled. "See you around."
"Good luck talking to Tasuki," he called after me.
I turned back to him, my eyes narrowing accusingly. "Can you read minds or something?" I asked.
"Just yours."
"I knew it." He laughed and I headed back into the palace to seek out Tasuki.
I was still only half sure that I wanted to talk to him. Somehow, talking to Chichiri made me realize that some things have to be faced while others you can run away from. Add that to the fact that I'm not going to remember it anyway and you get my current feeling on the matter: "Why the hell not?" Perhaps it's not the best philosophy, I'm sure a lot of mistakes were made by people who felt that way, but that's how I feel and that's what I'm doing. I'll never forgive myself if I don't at least try.
I reached his door in little time and knocked timidly, hoping to find him by himself. I wasn't even sure if he knew I was back yet; he wasn't at the meeting I crashed. "Just a sec," a gruff voice said from the interior of the room. The door opened and the occupant stood in the doorway, looking at me, his thoughts cleverly hidden behind an unrevealing face. "What do you want?" he demanded, the slight strain in his voice giving away a bit of his thoughts, (along with his eyes that kept drifting downward).
For once to nervous to care where his eyes were drifting, I asked, "Can we please talk?"
"I don't know why I'm doing this, but fine. We can talk. Come in," he answered, moving out of the doorway to let me in. The room was messy, I noted, and had a definite Tasuki smell. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I found myself standing in his room, surrounded by his things and his scent. He shut the door roughly, waking me from my little spell, and took a seat on the bed, gesturing to a chair for me.
"Thanks," I said.
We just sat there for a few minutes, trapped in an awkward silence. I didn't know how to tell him what I knew I had to before the end: it might not make a difference, but I had to try. I won't remember anyway. He just looked at the wall behind my head, carefully not allowing his gaze to rest on me for more than a second. Whatever he was feeling right then seemed to come from my presence and I wasn't sure whether it was good or bad.
Finally, I spoke up. "Tasuki... I..." I began.
"Let me guess: you're sorry? I've heard, from both you and those two voices you sent to tell me a while back," he interrupted, sounding overly abrupt, as though just talking to me caused him discomfort.
"That's not what I was going to say," I lied. "I'm going to be leaving soon -for good this time- and I needed to tell you the truth." I took a deep breath and continued. "When you told me how you felt about me, despite it not being the best of times or ways, I didn't know how to react. It's not everyday that a really great guy professes his love to you. On one hand, I was numb from just the day but still ecstatic, and on the other, I knew it could never be. I mean I was working for your enemy at the time. I thought that by letting you down initially, I was protecting both you and myself. I didn't consider that my own feelings for you would make getting over you so hard.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope one day you'll forgive me. I know there's no chance for us to be any more than friends but I hope we can go back to the way things once were."
He had remained silent during my entire confession and when I looked at him now, I could see words on the verge of being spoken but being forced back. There was a knock on the door and then it opened, admitting Tamahome. He looked from me to Tasuki, obviously confused but reading the atmosphere.
"Well, there's goes my news," he said quickly. "I'll come back later."
"No, it's fine, Tamahome. Yume was just leaving," Tasuki replied, his voice thick with repressed emotion. What that emotion was, I couldn't tell.
I muttered an excuse and rushed past Tamahome, tears already forming in my eyes. I hurried through the halls, hoping to make it back to my room before I broke down and by the time my door was shut behind me, I was bawling. After all I went through, I had managed to get up the courage to tell him my feelings and exactly what I had feared would happen did. I sat in a heap on the floor of my room, Shiriko's head in my lap and, for the second time that day, cried my eyes out.
He watched Yume leave, even after she was no longer visible, cursing his stubbornness. Tamahome studied his face, searching for some clue as to what caused Yume to leave like that, though he had his guesses. He couldn't help but feel sorry for her just then, practically running from the room to keep them from seeing the tears that were no doubt running freely down her face now. Despite his better judgment, Tamahome put a hand on Tasuki's shoulder and spoke up.
"I don't claim to know a lot about girls, especially the ones from another world, but I can give you a few pointers if you want," he said to the bandit.
Tasuki turned his gaze to his friend, who nearly wilted under the barely held back intensity of it. "Nah. There's nothing to give advice about. She just came to tell me that she'd be leaving soon." 'And how she felt about you! Why didn't you just speak up? Maybe, if you had said something she'd be willing to stay here with you!' his mind yelled at him.
Tamahome looked at him skeptically. "Ok...but my offer stands. Judging by the look on her face, that's not all that happened here..."
"I don't think you came here to give me relationship advice, Tamahome, but if you did you can just shove it and leave 'cause I don't want it," he snarled.
"You're right. I came here to go over what happened in the meeting that you decided to skip..." Tasuki only half-listened to Tamahome talk about battle plans, his mind somewhere else, consoling someone who probably would not want to see him again.
Author's Note: That wasn't the best chapter. Yume was moody. Let me guess, that's exactly what you all were thinking? Well, then I am going to use this author's note to provide insight into Yume's poor tortured mind. She's been through a lot lately, and the only people she's been able to talk to are the voices in her head, her assistants (for a bit anyway) and the crotchety old lady known as Taiitsu-kun. No one of the above really cares what's she's feeling and so she's pretty much a friendless loser going through some tough times. Chichiri's acceptance shocked her to the point that her natural barriers snapped and she just cried. Something about him, power of suggestion, perhaps, made her think that she had to talk to Tasuki so she tried. The speech she had prepared in her head over and over again but never actually planned to say. Does that help? I hope so. Anyway, I hope that chapter wasn't that boring or bad. I'll try to get the next one up in a decent amount of time, since I have some idea of where I want it to go. I think I might actually work on the plot in that one. Don't all fall down at once. Well, I don't have a quote...but I'll make one up for you...
"Of...of course. Please," I gestured to the interior of my chamber, unsure of how to react to this strange twist. "My room is your room...literally."
Heh heh. Hotohori gets a role. Hopefully, I don't write that scene out. I liked it.
Smack