Chapter 34: Guide to Homeroom

"And that is why my brother Dipper is a huge dork!" Mabel said happily in front of the camera. She was filming in Dipper's bedroom where he was writing at his desk.

"It's called doing a crossword, Mabel."

"And scene!"

"I still don't know why you're doing these videos. You're not allowed to post them online."

A montage of Mabel scenes were played while Mabel's name was repeated with several different pitches.

Then it cuts to Mabel in a classroom. "Welcome to Mabel's Guide to: Homeroom!" Mabel showed all her classmate's faces on this beautiful Monday morning. "Come on. Turn those tired faces upside down!"

Not even Mabel's charm could brighten their moods.

"Well they're all no shows. Let Mabel here tell you all there is to know about Homeroom."

"Are you even allowed to have that here?" Dipper asked.

"Shut up, Dipper!" Mabel shouted as she turned the camera towards her homeroom teacher. "This here is Mr. Barney! Say hello!"

The middle-aged male teacher was looking at a newspaper, looking just as tired as the class.

"Good!" Mabel aimed the camera outside and there was the same fox chasing down a rabbit. "Quick, bunny! In here!" Mabel reached out the window to try to save the rabbit, but Dipper pulled her back.

"Mabel! How many times did I warn you?"

Mabel sighed painfully as they both say "Wild Animals have wild diseases. Especially when they're in a 'Life or Death' situation."

"But Dipper, that fox really needs to eat carrots."

Dipper sighed and sat back in his desk.

"Anyway, let's get down to-" Mabel heard a painful cry outside and she quickly closed the window. "Business."

Mabel recorded around the room. "Homeroom is where students of Middle through High School go to first to be prepared for the battlefield!"

"Roll call. Mabel."

"No one asked you!" shouted Mabel as the students groaned. "Here is where you get to talk to all your friends first thing before all that boring stuff happens." She aimed her camera at Beethoven. "Say something, Beethoven."

Beethoven, who was in the middle of picking his ear with a pencil, noticed the love of his life filming him. "Ah!" Beethoven threw the pencil and tried to stand heroically, only to fall right off this desk. "I'm A-O.K.!" He held his thumb up from where he lay.

"Now we have ….. Dyami. Heh heh heh." She turned the camera to Dyami, who looked more awake than the others, but till had that hint of Monday Weariness. And Mabel used the powers of editing to make hearts appear around him. "Hey Dyamiiiii. Got anything to say?"

Dyami looked at the camera and winked. "I only have one quiz this week, I am perfectly calm for the next day of our education!" He then showed her some pictures of mystical creature using fire. "Also I've looked up some possible creature that guardian might be!"

"Eeeeeeeee!" Mabel then noticed a black-haired goth girl sitting behind Dyami, who she remembered from the first day of school. She adjusted her small glasses as she reads a scary book to herself quietly, which gave Mabel a great idea. She shushed at the camera and slowly walked to her. She counted down with her fingers and "BOO!"

The goth girl just glanced at Mabel and sighed. "Oh ha ha ha. How original." She turned back to her book without giving Mabel another moment.

"Huh, she's not so friendly, is she?" Mabel asked the camera. "But I'll add her to another potential crush for Dipper."

"Mabeeeeel." Dipper sighed to himself quietly as the goth girl blushed and pushed her face deeper into the book.

"But the most important part of homeroom is the T.V. over there." Mabel pointed the camera at the very outdated T.V. hanging at the upper corner of the wall. "You may not believe it, but our school has channel one! Channel ONE!" Mabel shouted. "Have you ever tried turning to that channel at home? You get nothing! And what's on it you may ask?" Mabel pushed her face close to the camera. "Our own station with our fellow students!"

"Mabel, I told you this before." Dipper spoke up. "That happens with every school. Channel One is just a substitute. And we only use it to make our pledge and hear about club events."

"Dipper, you're ruining the video magic!" shouted Mabel. "Speaking of pledge." Mabel put the camera on her desk and placed her hand on her heart like the rest of the students when the American flag appeared.

"I pledge allegiance, to the-"

"Racist, lizard people!" shouted a random guy from out the window. "And this fox here is the child of Trumpetcreeper and Chin-ton!" after the sound of the fox being hurt, a red blur latched onto the man's face as he fell down and cries of pain and scratches could be heard.

"And they think I'm a great choice for this job." Mr. Barney said as he closed the window and dropped the curtains. "O.K., name call." Mr. Barney read the list down of each student as they raised their hands and answered 'here'.

"O.K., I think that's …. Wait, we have a new one. Sigh." He checked the list. "Jessica Smith?"

"Here!" coming into the room, out of breath, came in a new face to the class. "Sorry I'm late. I've gotten lost."

"Whatever. Like I need more of you anyways."

Everyone in the class just waved friendly towards her, but Dipper recognized her right off the bat. "Hey, I remember you."

The girl in the gray bobble cap, a green long-sleeved cap, and black sweatpants looked at Dipper and smirked. "The boy who helped me out with that porcupine." She took an empty seat next to Dipper. "I see you got your hat back."

Dipper smiled and secured his hat tightly. "Yep, and trust me it was much harder getting it back than you can imagen."

"Hey, when'd that kid get here?"

"For the last time! I am Mabel's brother, Dale! And yes, Becky, I am in Tuba Club with you!" Dipper shouted. "Sorry about that." Dipper told Jessica. "For some reason everyone remembers my sister, but not me."

"Bummer, man." Jessica said calmly.

After hearing her say that, Dipper glanced at her curiously. "Have we met?"

"Duh, at the park. Like I just said." She gave him a playful smile as she tapped her head.

"No, I mean somewhere else." Dipper placed his hand on his chin. "Mm, probably not."

"You're right." Jessica responded. "This is the first time I'm here. Family just moved into town. Somewhere near the edge of Piedmont." She pointed back with her thumb. "Have to say, nice place."

The bell then quickly rung and everyone groaned.

"And that was Mabel's Guide to Homeroom! See ya all next time for another exciting Guide."

"Hey, no cameras!" shouted Mr. Barney as Mabel closed the video.

"And now we go into real time." Mabel said with wonder.

"Mabel, you were just recording, ah forget it."

"Yes, Mabel wins!" Mabel skipped out the class with victory as Mr. Barney sighed.

"Why isn't she anything like you, Dipper?" Mr. Barney said with a smile.

"Hey, wouldn't have her any other way." Dipper picked up his books. "And I can't wait for more of your chemistry class this year."

"Me too, because you're the only one that pays attention, and not shoot spitballs at my head. Or at the very least try to and just swallow it instead." Mr. Barney glared at Beethoven.

"Hey, I was out of practice."

"You'll never be a bully, period."

Jessica picked her books up too. "Well I better get to class and adjust to this new life. I'll see ya around."

"You too." Dipper said as the two walked out of the classroom and went their separate ways.

"Huh, she seems nice." Dipper thought to himself. "But there's something about her cute face that's familiar … did I just think she was cute?"

"Dipper, why are you blushing?"

Dipper was caught off guard by Mabel appearing next to him. "Mabel, can you please-"

"You were probably thinking of that Jessica girl!" Mabel squealed.

Dipper deeply sighed. "This is going to be a looooooong day."

"And that is why I should make a 'Mabel's Guide to: School!'" Mabel took out the camera again. "We will discuss why we can't bring our backpacks around and if that's really meat at the cafeteria. But first, walking in crowded hallways!"

The End

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