All I ever wanted.

I can only say these things to you while you're sleeping,

I hear the hum from the wire as the sounds of the morning creep in,

I lie awake and pretend you can hear me,

You tell me that you're scared that you're turning into your mother,

I feel myself turn into my father,

We could lie to each other like they do and say were so happy,

Its easy when you're young and you still want it so badly,

And I feel my heart pounding, and I think I might scream

I could tell you that your all I ever wanted dear,

I could utter every word you've ever hoped to hear,

I shutter when I think that I might not be here forever, forever, forever.

Airbourne toxic event – All I ever wanted

CPOV

I could feel the alcohol diminishing as I reached my hotel door, I was barely buzzed now. I had to admit, it was one hell of a bachelor party. I glanced at the door kitty corner from mine. Why Jo and Sully would put mine and Lanas rooms so close together was beyond me. They had the entire floor rented out for the wedding party, so they could have at least made sure our rooms were on opposite ends of the hotel. If I didn't know any better, Id say they planned this in attempt to make us talk to each other. Or to force us to at least look at each other. If Lana was speaking to me, then I wouldn't mind, but her room being so close to mine made my temptation even harder to resist. I reluctantly peeled my eyes away from her door and slid my key into the lock, making my way to the bed, I plopped down onto it, letting my feet hang over the edge.

I missed Lana, too much. And I wasn't sure if I would be able to go home without her. I was a strong man, but not that strong. I didn't have the will to let her go. I knew it was selfish, but every day I lived without her made my heart grow colder. I was starting to not recognize the man in the mirror. It was almost as if when she left, she took a chunk of me with her. And that chunk was a vital part of me. So now, I started to rot, and I would continue to rot until that chunk was returned. And that meant Lana needed to come home, with me, where she belonged.

I had to figure out what to do, what to say to make Lana stay with me. And it wasn't going to be easy. I needed to figure out a way to get around her stubbornness. To find a way to make her listen to me. I almost had her at the old house. She let her guard down for a second, and that's all I needed. But stupid me, instead of telling her how I felt, I ravaged her lips like that's all I cared about. And that was far from the truth. I wanted her, all of her, mind body and spirit. And I was willing to do just about anything to get her back.

I had just started to drift to sleep when a loud bang and giggles in the hallway woke me up. I glanced up at the clock. It was 4:30 in the morning. I heard a couple more bangs and then a loud shush, followed by more giggling. I immediately recognized those giggles. Lana and Jo. Too many times had I listened to their drunken laughter as well as their klutziness. As I listened to the two of them noisily make their way down the hallway I contemplated on whether or not I should go make sure they were okay. After all, I did know how those two were drunk, but I wasn't sure if I could handle seeing Lana right now. With all my might I wanted to run out there, to snatch her into my arms and scream at her until she listened to me. And that was the problem, I didn't want to scare her away.

I had made up my mind when I heard one of them crash against my wall. I opened the hotel door only to see Lana and Jo both laying directly in front of my door. They both were laughing hard while clutching their stomachs and rolling around. I missed that, Lana and Jo being, well, Lana and Jo, having a good time together, not a care in the world. And it hurt me to think that I was never going to be able to see it again. I was pretty sure Lana had made up her mind, she was done with me. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle, but I would never forgive myself if I gave up that easily. I leaned my arm against the edge of the door and cleared my throat.

The laughing suddenly stopped as Jo and Lana both noticed me standing in front of them. Lana quickly jumped to her feet and tried her hardest to look sober, stumbling a couple of times before she composed herself. She refused to make eye contact with me, making my heart ache even more. Now she wouldn't even look me in the eyes? This was killing me. She extended her hand out to Jo. They both struggled to stay steady as Jo hoisted herself up with Lanas hand.

"Criss." Jo nodded at me. "Lana, Ill see you early and bright." Lana arched her eyebrow at her, "I mean, bright and early." Jo corrected herself. I leaned my head against the door and shook my head, trying not to show my amusement. Jo turned and headed to the end of the hall to her room. Lana didn't even glance my way. She turned her back to me and rummaged through her purse, acting as if I wasn't even there. I felt the urge to snatch her arm, to yank her around and force her to look at me. I wanted her to look me in the eyes, to see the pain that they held. I wanted her to know how badly she was hurting me. I needed to talk to her, I needed to find a way to make her listen, I didn't care how or where. I took a deep breath, stepped into the hall and shut my door behind me, it was now or never.

"Lana." I said softly as I walked up behind her. She stopped searching through her purse and I could almost hear her eyes roll as she sighed. "You don't have to say anything, I just want you to hear me out." I was basically pleading with her. She turned to face me.

"Criss, this is over. We both need to accept that and move on." she turned away again, quickly finding her key and slid it into the door. She stepped in without hesitation. But I wasn't having it. Damn it! She was going to listen to me one way or another. Just as she was about to close the door I slammed my hand against it, forcing it open. Lana took a couple steps back as I entered her room and slammed the door behind me. I leaned against the door, blocking the only exit. She was trapped. Now she had no choice but to listen.

"Damn it Lana! You're going to listen to me! And if I have to duck tape your mouth shut and tie you to a chair, so help me god I will." I threatened her, and at that point, I knew what I said was right. I was willing to do just about anything to make her listen. Lanas eyes widened with shock at my threat and I was sure she knew I meant it. She pressed her lips together and backed up, she braced herself against the dresser and shook her head. I took a step toward her and she tensed.

"Criss, I.." she started but I cut her off.

"No! Its my turn. My turn to talk, your turn to listen." I snapped a little more forcefully then I meant. She pressed her lips together again and took a deep breath.

"Criss." she said between her clenched jaw. "I'm too drunk for this right now." she said and attempted to side step me. I stepped in front of her, forcing her back against the dresser. I pressed my body against hers, pinning her between me and the wood behind her. I ran my hand down her cheek as I stared down at her.

"I love you Lana. I miss you." I whispered. She sighed heavily but didn't say anything. "What do you want? What do you want me to do? How can I prove to you that you belong with me? That we were meant for each other? And that Id rather die than live without you? Huh? Tell me! What's it gonna take?" I tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at me. I searched her eyes closely. "What do you want?" Her eyes softened as she returned my gaze.

"Everything to just stop. I want everything to be like it was. But don't you see Criss? Its never gonna be like it was, there is no going back." she held my gaze, almost as if to prove a point. Her face suddenly crumpled and she looked to the ground. "I need to lie down." she said weakly as she started to sway, her eyes fluttered and she lost her grip on the dresser. My arms were around her before she could fall. Her eyes opened slightly and she looked up at me through half open lids.

"Criss." she breathed. My heart dropped and my knees started to shake as she whispered my name. It felt like an eternity since I had heard my name roll off of her lips like that. Oh god I missed her. She smiled at me and attempted to stroke my cheek, her hand never fully making it before it flopped back down and she was out cold. She must have had a lot more to drink than I thought, my first clue, she was starting to give in to me, she let her guard down.

I carried her to the bed and placed her on top of the covers. She was going to hate me for this in the morning, but I wanted to make sure she was taken care of. I gently undressed her. I didn't feel like rummaging through her luggage so I pulled my shirt over my head and then struggled with it as I pulled it over Lanas body.

Once the t shirt was secure I picked her up and placed her under the covers. I stared down at her, secretly wishing that this moment could last forever. That I could stay here for all eternity, staring down at the most beautiful woman in the world, and the one woman I couldn't live without. I didn't want to leave her alone, I knew how she could be drunk and I needed to be here in case something happened. I knew I was trying to justify why I was about to crawl into bed with her, but damn it, it was a good enough reason.

I pulled back the covers and crawled in next to her. I didn't know how long I sat there staring at her. I tried to take a mental picture of her face, remembering every last detail. I wasn't sure when the next time I was going to be able to look at her, and I wanted to make sure I remembered her the way she was. I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, her hair was getting longer, almost shoulder length now, and I was glad. I traced her jaw line with my knuckle. She stirred slightly and softly whispered my name, making my heart skip a beat. She was still asleep. Was she dreaming about me?

I was a glutton for punishment. Every time my name left her lips I felt my veins electrify and my heart ached. I knew every second I spent laying in this bed with her, was going to make it that much harder when I had to go back home, alone. With the knowledge that we were no more. But even knowing the heartache it was going to cause me later, I couldn't bring myself to leave her. There were somethings I still needed to say. I ran my hand across her cheek again.

"Lana, I miss you. I miss everything about you. Your face, your voice, your soft skin." I whispered as I ran my fingers along her arm. "I miss the way you would snuggle close to me whenever Id come home from a long day at work. When I was exhausted and all I could think about was sleep. Id come home and see you laying in bed, sound asleep. At the mere sight of you, all I could think about was being as close to you as humanly possible."

I huffed a laugh to myself. Why was I saying all of this? It wasn't like she could hear me. I guess I was subconsciously wishing she was hearing every word, and that it was some how going to make her change her mind. But who was I kidding? I knew how stubborn she could be when her mind was set, and she was positively set on us being over. But I didn't care, I needed to say it.

"I miss your smile. No matter how bad my day was, your smile always made it better. And the way you would crawl into my lap, knowing I had a bad day. You'd crawl onto my lap, lay your head against me and just sit there, not saying a word, knowing that all I needed at that moment was to hold you. You always knew what to do. Always knew what I needed." she stirred in her sleep again as I ran my fingers down her rip cage. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, breathing in her scent. She was wearing my favorite perfume.

"You mean everything to me. And I promise, right now, that I will do everything in my power to win you back. Whatever it takes, Ill never give up, not until the day I die. Ive been waiting my whole life for you. Please don't make me live the rest of it without you. I love you, my angel."

I felt a tear stream down my face as I kissed her forehead and snuggled close to her. Closing my eyes I let myself drift to sleep. And it was the best nights sleep I had gotten in the past 4 months.