Mid-December in Manhattan

"I see no reason why you can't return to work, Olivia," Lindstrom said, taking his glasses off and leaning forward to look more closely at his client. Olivia shifted in her seat, feeling a little nervous about the fact he would be signing off on her. "Do you disagree?"

"No," she said, hesitantly, but kept picking at the hem of her sweatshirt and avoiding his eyes. "I just, well…"

"Do you not want to return?" Lindstrom finally asked, saving Olivia the trouble of trying to get the words out just yet.

"I don't know," she sighed. "Special Victims has been my entire life."

"Has been?" Lindstrom prodded, trying to guide her through the confusing thoughts she seemed to be having. She looked a little startled, however, at his question. "You used past tense there, Olivia."

"I guess I did, didn't I?" she stated, trying to search her mind for an answer to his question.

"You did," Lindstrom replied. "And I tend to believe that even when you don't realize what you say, there is a reason you say the words."

"Special Victims has always been my life," Olivia began, and once she started talking the words just flowed right out of her. "It started with my mom. I had this need to save people like her. To save little girls like me. To just, rid the world of rape…"

"That's a tall order," Lindstrom noted, settling back in his chair and signaling for her to continue.

"I know," she said. "I was determined to do my part. But now I have a family. I have a husband who gets worried sick when I'm on the job, even though he won't admit it. I have a daughter who has been through one of the most horrific ordeals I've seen in my lifetime and she needs her Momma. She needs me to be there for her, whenever she needs me, and not add to her trauma. And then there's Noah. That sweet little boy made me a Momma. And he is just everything to me. I don't want to miss out on his life because I'm trying to do the impossible."

"Wow," Lindstrom said, his eyes wide with wonder. He had never heard her go that deep into the root of her livelihood. "It sounds like you know more than you think you do…"

Olivia just looked at him, also surprised at how much she just revealed.

"Maybe," she allowed. "But I just don't know if I can let go of SVU…"

"Lieutenant, Captain," Chief Dodds greeted the couple as they entered his office on a cold, December afternoon. Olivia had officially been cleared by Lindstrom, the NYPD shrink, and the medical doctor. So it was just a matter of discussing her return with the Chief. Ed had been a little tense most of that morning, and had even snapped at her a few times. She was aware he was nervous about her return, but was beginning to wonder if there was more to it than that. Despite his tension, they still decided to meet with Dodds together and she pushed off confronting him until later that evening.

"Chief Dodds," Ed said in his professional tone as he shook hands with the man. "Good to see you again."

"Let's get down to business," he said, taking a seat behind his large mahogany desk. "Lieutenant, you've been cleared by all the doctors. Looks like you are set to get back to work."

"Great," she said with a tight smile. Her reaction was not quite as enthusiastic as Dodds had expected, given she was usually begging to be back in the squad room. Ed reached out to squeeze her hand, breaking their no PDA at work agreement, as he noticed Dodds eyeing her a bit.

"Olivia," he began. "No one would blame you if you were not ready to return."

Olivia's eyes dropped, but she still held onto Ed's hand tightly. She was deeply confused by her emotions around her return. As much as Lindstrom tried to get her to understand how much her life had changed, she still didn't know how to let go of her job. So she decided to swallow her emotions for now, chalk the hesitation up to PTSD, and start the process of returning to work.

"No," she responded, finally looking up at him with a steely resolve. "I'm ready to return. When can I start back?"

"Well, we've got a temporary Captain in there right now," Dodds said, shuffling around some papers as he searched for his calendar. "Though, Sergeant Tutuola has mentioned some tension with him. So, how about after the new year?"

"Two weeks?" Olivia asked, surprised to have the extra time before her return. "I mean, New Year's Eve is usually busy for us…"

"It is," Chief Dodds replied. "And we can put you on call if you'd prefer, but I'm going to need to two weeks to move Captain Atkins out and somewhere else. And this will give you the holidays with your family."

Ed looked over at Olivia and smiled, squeezing her hand, as if to signal to her that this was a good idea. And she should just nod and get them out of there. Luckily, she read his thoughts and turned back to Dodds.

"Sounds good, Chief," she responded as she stood to shake his hand. "Thank you for everything."

"No, thank you Lieutenant," he replied. "You're the hero here."

"Trevor!" Charlie said as she rushed into the corner cafe they were set to meet in. He had asked that she come down near his office, so he had a bit longer to hang out, but the 4 train had a different plan. "Sorry I'm so late. Stupid subway…"

"Hey, it's okay," he said with a little laugh and stood to greet her. After taking her coat and helping her into her seat, he resumed his place and flagged down the waiter. "Coffee?"

"Oh, yes please," she said, rubbing her hands together to fight off the December chill. Once their drink order was placed, Trevor sat back a bit and took in the young woman in front of him.

"You look amazing," he breathed out. "Barbados was good to you."

Although the Tuckers had been back in New York for a few weeks, Charlie had been avoiding seeing Trevor in person. Despite the revelation she had while on the island, she still just didn't know how to handle any of it. Couple that with the fact that her feelings for him were so strong, the woman was left very confused.

"Thanks," she replied, ducking her head a little bit. "I'm surprised how long I've kept my tan."

"Happy looks good on you, Charlie," he said honestly. "Before we start really talking, do you want to order lunch?"

"Nah," she responded. "I'm actually fine with just coffee. Thanks tho."

"Perfect," he said. "They fed us in the office today, so we are both set."

"Great," Charlie said and began to fiddle with her fingers, unsure of where to begin. Luckily, she didn't have to as Trevor decided to jump right in.

"I'm so glad you texted me while you were gone," he said, his eyes betraying the emotion he was feeling at being in her presence again. "I was missing you. And I was feeling so awful about what happened…"

"I know," she whispered. "I was missing you too."

"You have to know that my past cases, they are just that," he said firmly. "My past. Its part of being a defense attorney. Sometimes, we work for people who are guilty. Same goes for prosecutors. Sometimes they go after people who are innocent."

"I know," she said quietly, her hands shaking as she tried to sip her coffee. Trevor noticed immediately and reached out to take the cup and grasp her hands in his.

"Charlie," he said. "Justice…it's gray. It isn't always black and white. Sometimes it is, of course. But mostly it is gray."

"I know," she admitted, finally looking into his piercing blue eyes. "And I know you, Trevor. I know that…you…you are not a bad guy. You are an amazing man. You have always believed me. Believed in me. Fought for me. And now…you care about me more than I've ever experienced."

"I do, Charlotte," he said, bringing her hands to his lips and kissing them. "And I will do whatever I have to do in order to regain your trust."

"I trust you, Trevor," she responded, her voice soft but firm. "I really do. I just…it may take me a little bit longer to grapple with the similarities between Bill and Josh. And what they did to Olivia."

"I know," he said and hung his head a bit, before looking back up at her. "Ya know, I haven't done a lot of defense stuff over the last couple of years. And I don't plan on going back down that route."

"I don't want you changing your job for me," Charlie said confidently. "You had good reasons to be a defense attorney, Trevor. It's not fair for me to take that from you."

"You aren't," he said. "I had been slowly moving away from that world before I even met you."

"Really?" She asked, cocking her head to the side a little bit in the same way Olivia would. It made Trevor pause a bit and smile. "What?"

"That little head move," he said with a grin and a point of his finger. "It's a characteristic Olivia Benson move."

Charlie just laughed and shook her head at him. He could compare her to Olivia anytime he wanted to. They fell into a comfortable silence, both of their coffees empty, and now unsure how to end the conversation. Trevor shifted in his chair a bit, before leaning forward and taking her hands again.

"Can I see you again?" He asked, his tone almost desperate.

"Yes…" Charlie breathed out and then gave him a soft smile. "I may still need some time to just, forget the whole Bill thing. But I'm not ready to give up on us."

"You okay?" Ed asked as Olivia finally crawled into bed next to him. Noah had woken up around 11pm, when the two were just about asleep, and Olivia had spent the last half hour calming him down.

"Yeah," she said with a yawn. "Bad dream. He's back asleep now."

"Good," Ed said as he pulled his wife into his chest and kissed her head. "Because I just want to hold you for a little bit."

Olivia immediately curled herself into him, allowing his arms and legs to engulf her in a protective hold. She would never get over how safe and secure she felt in his arms. Just knowing that there was someone in her life, who had the ability to be her rock, her calm in the storm, was everything to her. She refused to take it for granted. But she knew there was more to his desire to hold her that night.

"What is it, Ed?" She asked quietly, placing her hand over his heart - her new favorite move. She felt him take a deep breath then kiss her temple again.

"I'm admittedly unsettled about you returning to work," he said quietly, almost too quiet for her to hear. But she did. And she felt relieved that he finally told her what she knew to be the case. She propped her head up on her hand, which was still over his heart, and looked into his eyes.

"I know," she said. "I am too. I guess I just don't know what other option I have."

Ed tucked her hair behind her ears and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Then her nose. Then each cheek. Then her lips. As he pulled back, Olivia's eyes closed again in contentment, he let out a sigh.

"Olivia, you were born to be an SVU detective," he said. "There's no doubting that. And the impact you have made on victims, families, and the entire justice system…it's incredible. And I am just so proud and honored to be your husband. To be Mr. Benson. Life partner of the woman who is a hero and a mother to hundreds, maybe thousands, of young men and women who were hurting."

"Ed," she gushed out, as the tears threatened to spill down her cheeks after his sweet words.

"But most of all," he said still staring at her in awe and wonderment, as if he still didn't fully believe she was there, in his arms, as his wife. "I am proud of our family. Of the life we worked so hard to build together. They way Charlie has just come out of her shell, particularly around you. And the progress Noah has made with his speaking, given his rough start in life. We are the family we are right now because of you, Olivia."

Olivia was full on crying right now, tears streaming down her face and landing in a pool on Ed's chest. But he didn't care one bit.

"I feel a but coming on," she finally said, as she pulled herself together but stayed securely wrapped in his embrace. Ed took another big, deep breath before kissing her forehead and pulling back to look at her again, his finger stroking her cheek lightly.

"I'd be lying if I told you I was ready for you to be back at work," he said, ducking his eyes a bit as if he felt bad even saying the words. But that didn't matter to Olivia. She needed to know where his head was at, because it needed to be a decision they made together. As a married couple. "I'm not going to tell you what to do here, Liv. I'd never do that. If going back to SVU is what you are set on, then I will support you 110%…and maybe get a prescription for Xanax."

His last statement was meant as a little joke, and while the couple did chuckle a bit, they also knew there was an underlying meaning to that statement. The shooting at the 1-6 had rocked him, more than she realized. Knowing that this little problem was not going to be solved that night, with one conversation, they decided to leave it there for the time being. Olivia slowly moved herself up so she was eye level with Ed, and stared into those soft blue eyes she loved so much.

"I love you, Ed," she whispered as she ran her hand through his short hair. "I'm so lucky you are mine."

"I love you too," he said. "More and more each day. Now sleep. All of this will still be here tomorrow."

"Promise you will always be here?" Olivia said, before she could stop herself from spewing the words. Ed pulled her as close as he possibly could before kissing her lips.

"Always and forever."

Up Next: Christmas!

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