XXXVI. The Harrowing

Cullen had just gotten things ready for administering Trista's Harrowing that evening when he'd gone to the First Enchanter's study to find her and let her know to bring the apprentice up. After he'd left Aislinn earlier that morning, he'd gone to his room and gotten some sleep, though it hadn't been anywhere nearly as peaceful as the night he'd slept with the First Enchanter, something he couldn't help but realize he was aching to do again. He'd ended up having another blighted nightmare about the Circle Tower again, about demons coming to try to harm him, breaking out in a cold sweat before he woke up with a start and darted straight up in bed, panting as if he'd just been running a mile.

The dream was bad enough to bring that long lasting resentment back that he harbored for nearly all mages because it had been so vivid in his mind, as many of them were. Cullen closed his eyes and then reached up to rub them the moment he realized he was safe and sound in his room at Morsfeld. Why those nightmares wouldn't leave him in peace he'd never know, but they still bothered him to that day, and made him feel unsettled whenever he had them.

But he pushed on with his duties, getting out of bed and donning his armor, though his attitude was a bit more clipped because of the earlier reminder of how a mage could go bad which he'd had that morning. It was already after noon by the time he'd gotten up because of the long ride the night before however, so the day was close to half passed, but most everyone on that ride did as well, so he wasn't really behind in his tasks.

Cullen's duties for that day was arranging a Harrowing, the one that Trista was going to undergo, which he and Aislinn had discussed that morning before they'd parted ways. Briefly, Cullen remembered watching the woman leaving while he'd stood on the bridge, and felt a longing to take her to his room just to have her next to him whenever he woke up if only because the morning in the Teryn's Keep when he'd found her laying right there once his eyes had opened had been one of the best moments in his life at that point.

Considering the dream he'd had though, that consideration became questionable. Perhaps she would've chased his nightmares off with her presence, but if she hadn't, he'd rather not have her see him waking up in such a state of being.

Cullen pushed the thoughts away though and concentrated on what he needed to do instead. Dreyan was given some warning about the incoming Harrowing, and the Captain told Cullen in earnest that he would make sure to serve his duty properly. Cullen gave him a light pat on the back as he walked past out of both encouragement and sympathy in understanding Dreyan's plight just before he went about going to find Aislinn so she could get Trista and bring her to the Chamber. He wound up at the door to her study, knocking on it, when he heard an unfamiliar voice telling him to come in.

Opening the door, Cullen looked inside, and he didn't see what he thought he might. Settled behind Aislinn's desk was Marleyna, but she wasn't wearing a Chantry Robe like she normally did. Instead, she was wearing a red mage's robe, and she had her silvery hair down completely, which hung in loose waves to her chest. There was even a nicely ornate staff settled against the wall that he knew didn't belong to Aislinn or any of the other Senior Enchanters because he'd never seen it before, so it must have been...hers?

Cullen gave her an odd look as he stepped inside and shut the door behind himself, asking, "Revered Mother? Why are you dressed as a mage?"

It suddenly hit him just before the woman started chuckling precisely what was going on. Now that he could hear her voice more clearly when she spoke, he realized it was a Ferelden accent, but it was tainted with a hint of Orlesian, suggesting she'd spent a good bit of her life there. This woman wasn't Marleyna in particular.

Her response proved it to him as well. "You know, I want to go back to Orlais with Marleyna now just so people will wonder how I ever managed to get the gall to dress up as a priest, and a Revered Mother no less. But no, I'm sorry to fool you, I'm Marleyna's twin, Morrella. I'm afraid you have us confused."

"I'd just thought of that actually," Cullen replied to her properly. "Marleyna mentioned you to me once before. I apologize for that."

"Oh, it's quite alright," Morrella said, smiling at him kindly. "You're only the tenth person to ask me that today alone, and I get a kick out of it every single time if only for the looks on people's faces," she chuckled out, then stood up from the desk she'd been settled at. Walking around the side of it, she said on the way, "You must be the Knight Commander. Marleyna told me about you too. It seems she's become rather fond of you, and gave me some high praise."

High praise? Cullen briefly wondered what that might've entailed, but wasn't arrogant enough to ask about it. Instead, he introduced himself by saying, "Well, I try to serve as well as I can, but yes, my name is Cullen," and gave her a polite bow of his head while thinking to himself that, despite the clothing and hair, it was remarkable just how much the sisters actually mirrored each other. In addition to his introduction though, he asked her, "When did you arrive?"

"About two days ago to my sister's surprise, probably not long after you left with the First Enchanter. I managed to get a little bit of a vacation so to speak, and I wanted to come here without any warning. She puts so much detail into her letters about this place that I was too curious not to, and let's just say my surprise visit was quite worth the wait of traveling."

"Well, I'm pleased that you did," Cullen replied, being honest with that statement. When Marleyna had mentioned having a twin before, he didn't think he'd ever meet her, but he had been curious about her. "I hope your trip was agreeable as well."

"Oh, it was long and tedious, but very worth it," she grinned. Then she asked him, "Were you looking for Aislinn when you came here?"

"Yes, I was."

"Well she just left not five minutes before you knocked, Ser, but she'll be right back. I think she said something about going to grab an apprentice mage for me to meet, one named Trista, whom is about to undergo her Harrowing."

So that's what happened to her and why Morrella was here instead. "Yes, that's why I'm here," Cullen nodded. "Everything's been prepared for it and I wanted to notify her."

Morrella gave a nod of her head, a smile on her face, and she asked with a wave of her hand, "You know, I almost failed my Harrowing. Well, not that the Templars knew about it, otherwise I'd be dead. It was a last minute proposition by the demon which I was only barely paying attention to because I was about to let my ego cloud my judgement, caught in a single moment off guard, and I almost had a slip of the tongue. Fortunately I stopped myself and," she straightened her shoulders proudly before finishing, "let's just say I spoke with something other than words to be rid of it."

Cullen got the feeling that Morrella was actually the more fiery of the two twins when Morrella told him that, but it was hard to imagine considering the spunkiness that Marleyna usually exuded. While he waited on Aislinn, he felt no qualms in getting to know the woman better either, and so he gave her a smile, saying, "I see. As long as the message was gotten across, then all went well I take it."

"Hmph, I'll say, indeed it did. But enough of that," she chuckled out.

Nodding, Cullen asked her, "So what do you think of Morsfeld?"

"Oh, it's very lovely. Of course, because it was built by Orlesians it reminds me of home," she laughed, then added, "which is refreshing. Oh, and I shouldn't say anything, but Marleyna was wanting to see you for something personal later. She'll tell you what it is herself, but now you know to expect something anyway."

"I'll keep that in mind. I...almost feel like I'm talking to her now as it is."

"Uncanny, isn't it?," Morrella asked with a grin on her face. "Of course, my accent's changed according to her, but I'm still the better looking one, though I promised I wouldn't gloat about it."

There was a teasing to her words that was exactly like Marleyna's, and Cullen couldn't help but smile in amusement over it, including the thought that she was the better looking of the two of them when they were exactly the same physically, well, with a few minor style differences. "I couldn't imagine having a twin," Cullen replied, "and seeing myself down a hallway, or out in the yard. Is it strange?"

"Well, we were separated when we were young, and honestly, it was stranger not to see myself and be somewhat unique than it was to have a sister about who looked exactly like me," she replied thoughtfully. "Oh, I remember how we loved to play little tricks on our parents and...well, you can imagine how frustrating we were to them sometimes."

Cullen continued to smile, about to make a response when the door opened and he looked over to see Aislinn and Trista. Aislinn smiled when she saw them and said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here, Commander." She almost called him Cullen, still feeling it was too casual to do so in front of others just yet, and stopped herself from it at the last minute.

"Yes," he answered, "I just got here a few moments ago. I wanted to tell you that the preparations have been made for the Harrowing."

Aislinn nodded her head at him and then looked at Morrella informed her, "Well, this is Trista, my student who's...about to not be my student anymore," she smirked. "Trista, this is Marlyena's twin, Morrella."

"Hello, Messere," Trista greeted her politely, adding, "I knew she had a twin, but I didn't think you two would look so much alike."

"Ser Cullen was just saying the same thing," Morrella smiled. "Oh, and Aislinn, I thought you were going to tell her I was Marleyna just for fun."

Aislinn laughed softly, replying, "I didn't want to confuse the poor girl too much."

Chuckling, Morrella nodded her head and waved a hand, "Probably a good idea with the girl's test coming up. She'll need as little confusion as possible." Following the suggestion, Morrella turned her blue eyes at Trista and asked her, "So, are you nervous, child?"

"Yes, I am a little," Trista nodded.

Morrella continued smiling and reached over, taking her hand, "Don't be. Once you get started, you'll know precisely what you'll need to do. You just keep it in mind when you realize what it is."

"Thank you, Messere," Trista replied with a little smile, "I hope so."

"Please, call me Morrella, and I'm sure you will if what Aislinn's told me of you says anything at all. She holds you in high regard. But we can all talk later. You need to go and pass your test so we can welcome a full fledged mage into our midst, and...," she drew the word out idly, "you know, have a real reason to celebrate, pour ourselves a drink and have a toast."

Morella was grinning and Aislinn started shaking her head with a smile on her lips, saying, "Oh, I think you have plenty of reason for that already. But yes, we should get this underway."

"Alright," Trista started, "then...I guess we should go?"

She'd looked at Aislinn when she asked that, and Aislinn nodded at her, keeping her expression as encouraging as possible. With those words, she turned and went to the door, and Cullen followed in behind the two mages. Once he got to the door, he looked back at Morrella and told her, "Have a good evening."

"I'm sure I will. We'll speak again soon, Ser."

Cullen gave a short nod of agreement, and then he shut the door, briefly wondering to himself why Marleyna might have wanted to see him, but he'd just have to find out about that later. He began walking with Trista and Aislinn instead, focusing on the task ahead of him, and they made it to the Harrowing Chamber not too much later. Just like Aislinn's Harrowing had gone, as well as every other mage's, no one told Trista anything about what was coming until she was inside of the room. It was all a secret, though one Aislinn doubted was kept very well anymore since the mages had their uprising in most Circles across Thedas.

It was the Knight Commander's job to tell the mage what the test entailed, and Aislinn let Cullen do this just as Greagoir had done for her - though she hadn't completely been fond of Greagoir. Actually, she was envious of Trista in a way for having Cullen to explain this to her. He may have been biased against mages, but he always chose his words with care, and expressed them in the same manner.

Just as Aislinn had suspected as well, once Cullen had finished explaining everything, Trista gave her a completely uncertain look, and Aislinn smiled at her. She wasn't supposed to give Trista any pep talks, but she dispensed with that rubbish and said to her, "Don't worry, Trista. It won't be difficult if you remember what Morrella said. Approach this the way you approach everything, with wit. We've all been through it, and we've all overcome it. You're strong enough that you'll do no different as long as you remember that."

Trista narrowed her brows and looked over at the font where the Lyrium which would be used to send her into the Fade was located, and she took in her breath as if to steel herself against her misgivings about this trial. Aislinn wished she didn't have to go through it, watching her as she approached the font with determination. Aislinn also noticed Dreyan, the way he was so tense, though his expression was neutral if not forced to be that way, and she felt very sorry for him as well. But suddenly she had a thought at the sight of it, and looked over at Cullen who'd stood to the side near his Captain quietly in order to observe this.

Had he been fond of her when she'd gone through her Harrowing? Aislinn looked ahead again and briefly considered to ask herself that later. For now, she watched as Trista held her hand over the font and a blue light began to envelope her body, just as it always did. She was being sent into the Fade, and to those in the room, things would continue to look this way with her standing at the font, light enveloping her body, until she was done with her trial.

It would take her time like it did with all mages, and each person in the room went through their own thoughts while waiting. Aislinn's and Cullen's centered on various things both regarding the Harrowing and remembering others like it, while Dreyan was constantly praying and hoping that he didn't have to kill anyone that evening. After about an hour and a half of waiting, Aislinn noticed movement out of the corner of her eyes and she looked over to see Cullen lowering his arms from where he'd crossed them across his chest, as if he were beginning to question Trista's progress. Dreyan looked completely bereft of emotion in that moment, as if he'd become numb with worry perhaps. Aislinn looked back down and took in her breath, then up at Trista again, also becoming a bit worried that she was having trouble in the Fade somehow or another.

Her own Harrowing had gone rather swiftly according to Cullen. Aislinn wondered if he were simply gloating or if he were being honest about that. He'd never said it directly to her, but she'd heard it in the rumors flying about the Circle Tower as they so often liked to do. But Aislinn wanted to swear that this was the last Harrowing she'd ever administer, and if she lost Trista here, she would make sure to do just that. It simply wasn't right or a fair test of a mage's abilities. All it did was offer the Chantry a sense of security in the fact that a mage could resist a demon, and nothing more.

It was absolute garbage in her opinion.

But no sooner than Aislinn had the thought, the blue glow that had enveloped the her apprentice nearly two hours ago now fell away from her body, just as she fell away from the font and onto the floor, unconscious. That was the sign they'd needed all along. Dreyan wasted no time in heading over to her, leaning down to see that she was completely fine, just unconscious, and he announced as per his duty, "She's passed the test. She's fine."

Aislinn let out a sigh of breath in relief softly, watching as the Templars gathered her unconscious body up in order to carry her back to her room at Cullen's command. She watched them leaving the chamber with her now student-turned-mage, and once the she was left in the room with Cullen alone, she looked over at him and offered a somewhat halfhearted smiled, saying, "Yet another successful Harrowing for the Morsfeld Circle."

"She did begin to worry me for a moment," Cullen admitted as he stepped over toward Aislinn. This wasn't the first Harrowing he'd administered since he'd come to Morsfeld, but the third, and Trista's had been the longest. Coming to a stop when he was about two feet away, he informed Aislinn, "I've seen longer Harrowings though."

"I'm sure you have," Aislinn replied. Then, curiously, she asked him, "What was the shortest Harrowing you ever saw?"

Cullen didn't have to think about that for too long, replying to her simply, "Yours."

Aislinn tried not to smile, but she couldn't help a little snort of amusement, admitting to him, "I'd forgotten you were there actually. You want to know what's funny though?"

"What's that?"

"The very first thing I heard when I woke up were the other apprentices talking about the way you'd complimented me on how swift I was with it. Something about it being the fastest and cleanest you'd ever seen."

Cullen gazed at her for a moment in memory of the day he'd taken her back to her bunk in the Apprentice's Quarters after she'd passed her own test like Trista just had, how some mages had asked how Aislinn had done, and what his response to them was. He'd been overcome with relief so he knew he'd probably been a bit more enthusiastic than he probably should have been, at least, speaking to the other mages anyway, but he hadn't lied about it when he'd answered.

"That was mere truth, though I may have...gloated a bit," he admitted to her once he'd had the thought.

Aislinn smiled at him, asking, "I can only imagine if you...had any feelings for me then, what it must have been like for you."

"I...," he started, then sighed out a slow breath. "It wasn't easy. I knew I would have done my duty, but I didn't like it, and prayed the entire time you were in the Fade."

That surprised Aislinn a little. She had no idea, and asked him in return, "How many others have you prayed for?"

Cullen was hesitant, but he finally said, "None. Not in that manner, anyway. I've only ever prayed for them afterwards, if I had to deliver the final blow, which I did once."

Aislinn pursed her lips at him. She looked down in thought about that for a moment, but before her mind could wander too far, she heard him asking her, "What was it like?"

Drawing her face back up to glance up at him, she asked, "What? Going into the Fade?"

"Yes," Cullen nodded, a glint of curiosity in his eyes.

In thought, Aislinn lifted her brows, and then she shrugged as if not completely certain how to describe it. "Like walking into a dream with your consciousness aware. Strange, but normal at the same time, you just know you're dreaming instead of thinking that it's all real. In my Harrowing, I ran into a three demons and a Spirit of Valor, oh, also a shape shifting mouse."

That hadn't been exactly what Cullen thought he would hear. "Three?," he asked her curiously. "But...," and with that, Cullen was confused.

So AIslinn explained it to him. "Well, one was a Sloth Demon, too lazy to try to do anything to me at all. I convinced him to teach the shape shifting mouse I ran into how to turn into a bear to help me fight the real demon by besting him at a riddle match."

Cullen couldn't help but stare at her throughout her short litany of the things she'd done in the Fade during her Harrowing. This definitely wasn't the kind of thing he expected to hear a mage having to go through. Then again, he hadn't been exactly certain what to expect to hear either. So he asked her the only thing that he could ask her. "A riddle match?"

"Yes," she nodded, then recited to him, "often will I spin a tale, never will I charge a fee. I'll entertain you an entire eve, but alas, you won't remember me. What am I?"

Cullen's brows narrowed at Aislinn over the question, considering the words for a moment, but nothing came to mind quickly. "Is this something the Sloth Demon asked?"

"Yes, care for the answer?," she asked in reply.

Cullen shook his head, repeating the words to himself as if determined to answer it on his own. It'd been a while since he'd figured out any riddles, and he turned a bit, idly rubbing his chin in thought, then looked over at her and asked, "Never will I charge a fee?"

"Yes."

"Then it could be a book, but you wouldn't forget that, then again, you have to buy those from time to time," Cullen mused aloud, more to himself than to Aislinn. Finally, he looked over at her and answered by asking, "A dream?"

"Hmm," Aislinn smiled, "you might've survived."

Cullen started shaking his head, turning back to face her fully again before telling her, "It sounds almost...juvenile in a way."

"It was a demon," she shrugged. "A lazy, uncreative one at that. It was too much for it to put any real effort or thought into it. Anyway, I got him to teach the mouse, and we went and fought a Rage Demon with the new ability."

"This...mouse," Cullen asked her. "It had to be another...spirit, didn't it?"

"Actually," Aislinn started, "it was a former mage who'd been trapped in the Fade, or so it claimed. Once I defeated the Rage Demon, he turned to me and incredulously stated that he couldn't believe I did it, that I was apparently strong, a true mage, and it made him believe he might be free of that place again some day, but he just needed a way in."

The knowing look that Aislinn was giving Cullen as she spoke those last few words told him all that he needed to know. His expression went flat, and he stated rather than asked, "The mouse turned out to be the true challenge."

"Yes," she nodded. "He soon transformed into a Pride Demon after I told him I was onto him in so many words. Then he left me with the warning to never let my guard down because true tests never ended. That's when I woke up in my bunk."

"A...a demon told you that?"

"Pride Demon," Aislinn reminded him. "It apparently thinks highly enough of itself to be able to tell you such things and arrogantly believe it will suffer no consequence for it."

"Good point," Cullen replied blandly if not a little hesitantly. He looked Aislinn over, simply glad she hadn't fallen prey to the thought that the mouse actually was a mage stuck in the Fade for so long as it'd claimed to her. Still, something else had come to mind, and he couldn't help noticing it whenever he'd looked at her. So he asked, "But you don't think the Harrowing is necessary, do you?"

Aislinn knew that question was coming, but she wouldn't lie about it. Instead, she just shook her head and said, "No, I can't say that I do, Cullen. I just...don't see how it's anymore of a test to a mage than what they face everyday. You're also conscious in the Harrowing, well, in the Fade you are I mean. So it's really an unfair test. Demons are much more attracted to mages already practicing things like blood magic anyway though. It's something like a beacon to them since they're always summons spirits to begin with. Sometimes I even wonder if they can tell a normal human from one who's a mage whenever we dream normally at all."

Cullen thought about that for a few moments before he finally looked over at Aislinn again and asked her, "You've never been tempted since your Harrowing?"

"No, and honestly, I wasn't even really tempted during my Harrowing," she snorted softly. "It's just that absolutely nothing changes once it's done. You don't gain some awesome insight into your magic or some other form of enlightenment. You're just...you, when you wake up again. Nothing's changed. It makes it seem so pointless, like we were thrown to wolves for nothing other than someone's amusement or entertainment. It almost seems cruel, and I'd wager some mages fiercely believe that it is."

Cullen could imagine that was easily true indeed, but he didn't want to admit that her words made sense even though he wasn't sure he completely agreed with the sentiment or not. "You don't feel more secure in knowing you can resist a demon?," he asked her instead.

Aislinn shrugged a bit, "Since I've never even run into a demon outside of my Harrowing, either before or since then, no, I can't say that it does in specific. Honestly, it just makes it seem even more pointless than before."

After listening to her saying that, Cullen let a soft sigh of breath out. When Aislinn heard it, she eyed him for a few moments, then asked, "What's wrong? Afraid I'll be mad if you say it's completely necessary?"

"No," he shook his head, looking back over at her. "I was just remembering your Harrowing for myself actually, watching you and remembering the mage I'd killed before you when she failed, wondering if she really had to die because of a pointless test, and wondering, if I'd had to give the order to kill Trista just now, whether or not this is actually all blood on my hands or not."

Aislinn hesitated before she replied to that question. She almost felt a little foolish for saying she thought the Harrowing was pointless to him now. Actually, she felt very foolish. She almost stepped over to him in that moment, but she stopped herself for two reasons, the first being that it was her fault he was wondering such a thing to begin with. The second was because she wanted to hug him or, well, something to try to make him feel better, but the door wasn't shut and anyone could have just walked by and saw them in the chamber.

"I don't think you do," she finally started, "even if it is pointless. It's a mandate that had to be followed, just a duty that had to be performed, and it wasn't your logic that dictated it. It was someone else's."

There was no real expression on his face, it was just as unreadable as Aislinn had come to realize it could sometimes be with Cullen. He'd either become good at masking his emotions over the years apparently, or he was just practiced at keeping a neutral expression. Something in her ached with worry over it as well, and so she asked him to try to get some kind of response out of him, "How much longer would you have waited before giving the order to kill Trista?"

Cullen hesitated on answering that question, and chose his words carefully, informing her, "I don't know to be completely honest. It's not easy to simply command that when there's no signs of possession and the mage is simply taking a while. I thought that was a weakness of mine that I needed to overcome to be honest, my reluctance to issue that order, but now I'm not so certain."

Aislinn didn't give a verbal response to that, only nodded her head quietly, still feeling on edge as if fearing she'd upset him somehow. So after a moment of silence between them, she finally asked, "Did I say something wrong, Cullen? Something to make you angry with me?"

He began to shake his head without any hesitation which did make her feel a bit better as he replied, "No, you didn't. I think perhaps you said something right, and I'm not upset with you at all. It just seems that you wind up challenging my views so often with very logical arguments that I've found I need to continually reevaluate my stances. Sometimes it's harder than...I expect it to be."

Aislinn frowned at him. She'd just made him feel as if he'd murdered for no reason at all, and she didn't feel as if she could forgive herself for it. That was smart, Aislinn, just tell him he's basically killed for no reason whatsoever. Good going. Perhaps he didn't hold it against her, but she hadn't meant for the tables to turn in such a way at all, and that was what made her feel badly for it. "I'm sorry, Cullen, I didn't mean to–," she started, and stopped when he shook his head at her.

"No, you don't ever need to apologize to me for being honest about the way you feel," he started, "or the things you think." After a brief pause, he nodded and added more softly on a reassuring tone of voice, "There's no harm done, love, I promise."

Pursing her lips, Aislinn decided to believe him and gave him a nod of her head to show that she did, but she still felt as if she should find a way to make it up to him somehow. She promised herself that she would, but for now, the subject needed to be changed, and she remembered something she wanted to tell him anyway. So she started turning, and she asked as she walked to the door in order to shut it, "Do you have a few more moments to spare? I have some news I need to tell you about."

Cullen lifted a brow over his eye while curiously wondering over what it could be, watching her as she shut the door and asking, "What news is that?" A sudden thought hit him then, and he perked up completely because of the way she'd shut the door. Immediately, he asked her, "Are you pregnant?"

Aislinn had turned from the door and had been walking back over when she suddenly stopped at the comment and gave him a set of wide, silver eyes, then started shaking her head quickly while saying, "Oh, no, it's not about that! It's still a little too soon to tell. I'll know in a few days."

He couldn't help but let out the breath he hadn't even realized he'd sucked in and held. Nodding, he replied, "Sorry, with the way you shut the door, I thought it might be a personal matter between the two of us."

Aislinn finally found a smile which she gave him easily, telling him, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spook you. But it's actually...good, but surprising news." The thought of what she was about to tell Cullen had been in and out of her head all day long. She hadn't slept much that morning after she'd left him at the pond because of what Ila had informed her of, and she'd wanted to tell Cullen about it before Trista's Harrowing, but there hadn't been a time or place for it. Now seemed like as good a time as any though, so she looked up at him and began to explain it all.

"It's about Gracie," she started. "You met Morrella already, and I found out much earlier this morning that...well, Gracie is apparently Morella's granddaughter."

Cullen stared at Aislinn for a moment as that information settled in while trying to figure out how that could have been possible. In seeing his curiosity, his expression changing to suit the surprise he felt like she'd said he would, Aislinn nodded her head at him, "That's the way I looked when I found out. But apparently, Morrella's surprise visit sparked a good bit of curiosity in Gracie, who started asking Morrella and Marlyena all kinds of questions about how they could both look so much alike. During the talking, Morrella mentioned to Gracie that she had a daughter of her own once with a similar name, Alara Grace."

Cullen couldn't help himself from asking, "Gracie's mother?"

"Yes," Aislinn nodded. "Morrella told me all about it. When she was pregnant and giving birth in Orlais, the Sister who oversaw the delivery had been very sympathetic toward her, felt sorry that she had to take the baby away from its mother, and allowed Morrella to name the child herself. Alara was the name of Morrella's and Marleyna's mother, and Grace the name of the sister who allowed Morrella to name her daughter."

"But," Cullen started, looking on in confusion for a moment as he next asked, "how did they figure out that this is Gracie's mother?"

With a sigh, Aislinn asked him, "Remember how I said that Gracie never spoke a word of the night that her family's village was attacked and burned to the ground?" When Cullen nodded in response over the memory, Aislinn informed him, "Well, she couldn't remember it, or anyone else, as if the trauma was too much for her. But when Morrella told Gracie that name, she said Gracie got very quiet, and suddenly burst into tears, and neither of them knew why."

Aislinn took a breath after explaining that because the thought of Gracie having such an emotional breakdown broke her heart. Looking down, Aislinn pushed some of her hair back over her shoulder idly and finished the story by saying, "She grabbed Marleyna in a tight hug while they tried to coax information out of her. Finally, Gracie began crying the word 'Mama' again and again, and Marleyna asked her if she was missing me." Aislinn began shaking her head, and finished the story with the softly spoken words, "But she shook her head no, and told Marleyna, my real mama, she burned with my daddy."

Somehow, the thought of Gracie hugging Marleyna in such a distraught manner while crying out those words made a pang of sorrow stab through Cullen's chest, just as it had Aislinn when she'd heard it. Cullen let out a sigh of breath, asking, "So Gracie remembers her mother's name now, and what happened?"

Aislinn nodded her head over the question and looked back up at him. "I talked to Gracie this morning with Morrella and Marleyna. She not only remembers her real mother's name, but her father's, and her big brother's. She also remembers that, as she said," and Aislinn quoted Gracie word for word, "my daddy told me mama was Orlsan."

"Orlsan?," Cullen asked. "She must have meant Orlesian."

"Yes, Gracie can't pronounce it too well. She also said that her father used to playfully tease her by calling her Alara Grace instead of Gracie all of the time, which she told us made her so mad because," Aislinn mimicked Gracie by stomping her foot on the floor and crossing her arms over her chest before she said like Gracie, "My name is Gracie, not Alara Grace! I'm not my mama!"

Cullen smiled over the thought because, somehow, he could see Gracie saying such a thing easily. Still, this was very surprising, and he told Aislinn so. "It's hard to imagine that all this time she was related to Marleyna and no one knew it."

Aislinn was nodding her head by the end of his sentence. "You can imagine how surprised Marleyna and her sister were. But Gracie seems to be alright, though she's been terribly quiet too. I think the memories that have come back to her have stunned her a good bit, and it has me worried. She acts like herself, but at the same time, she's been much more quiet than she usually is."

"She's a strong child," Cullen pointed out to Aislinn, hoping to waylay her fears a little. "She'll pull through it, and she has many people here to help her as well."

"I certainly hope so," Aislinn sighed out in agreement. "But she seems to be getting along very well with Morrella, which is a good thing. I want them to be close, I want Gracie to have some real family, and Morrella to have some piece of the child she lost so long ago."

Cullen could easily see why, thinking to himself about how having a child taken from you would be a terrible pain to bare, but he looked Aislinn over questioningly and asked her, "What about you? She's been like a daughter to you as well."

"Well, it's not as if I'm losing her," Aislinn informed him. "Morrella's even mentioned staying here permanently if she can get everything worked out. I think it's a good idea. Besides, I know Marleyna's missed her sister on top of things."

"That does sound like a good idea then," Cullen agreed. "Everyone could benefit."

Briefly, he reconsidered their own situation, the fact that Aislinn could get pregnant after their time spent at the Teryn's Keep, and now he could see at least one solidly good thing about it, which was that should things wind up where Gracie was taken in by Morrella in some instance, and taken away in the process, Aislinn would have a child of her own at least, not that he thought Aislinn was in any danger of losing Gracie at all. But in either case, he'd already made up his mind to fight in order to keep any child that might have come out of the evening he and Aislinn had shared together, so things would be fine.

Cullen let his eyes slip down to her stomach in the silver colored robe she was wearing while he thought of that, trying to imagine it swollen with his child. Instead of shame or regret when he saw such a thing in his head, his chest swelled with...pride of all things. He couldn't help that though. He was fond of children, though he didn't often get to interact with them, and had always wondered what it might be like to have a family of his own. More than once the thought of settling down and having one or two of his own had passed through his head, especially during long hours standing watch in the Tower, or in the Gallows as he'd spent there. It was something he'd chided himself for thinking about because it wasn't practical for him to have.

So there was something about the idea of Aislinn, the woman he'd loved from a distance for so long, swollen with his child, of holding her hand and trying to comfort her pains while she birthed their baby, of holding it and raising it with her, that was definitely an experience he wouldn't mind having. The more he thought about it, the more he didn't think he'd mind if she came to him in the next few days and said the words 'you're going to be a father, Cullen'. But he didn't tell himself it would be easy, even if hearing such a phrase wouldn't be hard to swallow. So it would be better saved for later, not now. Now, things were much too unstable and the child's life could have ended up in peril from numerous sources. There was no such thing as a perfect time, but there was a such thing as a better time, and he could definitely wait for that.

But Aislinn suddenly interrupted his thoughts though when she looked back up at him as if she'd drifted off on her own for a few moments, and she said, "Well, we should probably get back to our duties for now. I have to get Trista moved and...," she sighed, "reassigned, that kind of thing, on top of meeting Morrella and Marleyna for dinner with Gracie like I'd promised."

Cullen stared at her quietly for a moment, then took a step in closer to her as if simply drawn there, asking, "When can we see one another again? Perhaps...arrange a time for dinner for ourselves."

"Oh," Aislinn thought aloud, then lifted a brow in thought, "Hmm, I don't know. We can try for it tomorrow evening if you'd like. I have nothing planned."

Cullen nodded his head, resisting the urge to draw her in and kiss her before they parted ways again, fearing he might get carried away with it. "That sounds agreeable," he replied, and noticed Aislinn giving him a funny look. Perking a brow up, he asked in response, "What?"

"Nothing," she shook her head, smiling up at him. "I'm just getting the feeling you're thinking about kissing me."

The small smile that suddenly showed up on Cullen's face reminded her far too much of the younger man she'd known in the Tower before tragedy had hardened him, though there was traces of the man he'd become in it. It was almost a coy smile, and he asked her, "Why do you think that?"

"It just seems like every time you're trying to keep yourself in check," she started knowingly, "you become very formal with me."

"Well...," he started, shaking his head a bit as he tried to think of what to say, "I just don't want to...risk anything questionable at the moment."

Somehow, that made Aislinn grin. With what seemed to be the grace of ease, she told him, "Very well, I'll risk it then," and put her hands on his shoulders before leaning up and pressing a soft, slow kiss to his lips which he met her halfway for, taking her upper arms in a light hold. She kept it a chaste kiss on purpose, just a show of affection and nothing more, brushing her lips over his twice before she stood flat on her feet again and looked up at him with a good bit of warmth and fondness in her eyes, saying, "I love you. We'll eat tomorrow night and talk more then."

All Cullen could manage was a nod of agreement as she turned to leave the Chamber before he realized moments later that he was standing there by himself, and he reached up and rubbed his eyes, letting out a sigh of breath. Somehow he didn't think he'd ever be able to watch her leaving a room with either not even realizing she was going, to having the urge to follow her. Was it normal to feel that way? Ever since that night at Milus's Keep, he somehow felt cheated of time with the woman, as if nothing were ever fair.

He needed something to distract him from it. It was then that he remembered that Marleyna wanted to talk to him according to her sister, not to mention he had the duty rosters that could keep him company, so he decided to go and do that once he'd finished creating the roster for the next week. That should've kept him busy until the end of the day anyway, at which time it was already close to.

Hopefully, whatever it was Marleyna wanted to speak with him about wasn't of the more unpleasant nature.

XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX

It was dark outside by the time Cullen had gone to the Revered Mother's study in the Circle's Chantry and knocked on her door. He'd only remembered when he arrived that Aislinn had said she was going to have dinner with the woman, so he hoped it wasn't too late to find her. But apparently she was there, telling him to enter from inside of the room, and he did just that, pushing the door open and stepping inside when she looked up and smiled over at him.

"Ser Cullen, welcome back. How are you?"

"I'm well," he replied, turning to go and sit down when she silently motioned for him to. Once he was in the chair settled across from her desk, and looked over at Marleyna, who was holding a scroll in her hand, he asked her, "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Oh no, not at all. I was about to go have dinner, but I'd stopped to look over this scroll. It's amazing what a few simple names recorded onto paper can tell you."

Cullen's brows furrowed over the comment, asked her, "What is it?," as he eyed the scroll she'd been holding onto.

"A list of children being raised in an Orphanage in Denerim. That's where Morrella's daughter was taken when she was ten years old. I pulled it out to find the name again after what's happened recently with my sister arriving. Have you met her yet?"

"Yes, I met Morrella earlier today."

Marleyna smiled at him, asking, "How long did it take you to figure out it wasn't simply me, dressed up as a mage?"

Cullen couldn't help a short chuckle, "Actually, not long, but I didn't make the connection at first."

"It's amazing how much that amuses her," Marleyna replied, letting a soft chuckle as she went back to the scroll, and then stopped. "Ah, there's the name I was looking for." She began to roll the scroll back up so that when it reopened it would be right on the spot she wanted it to be. "I want Morrella to see this."

Cullen watched her rolling up the scroll, thinking over what it was for a moment before he asked her curiously, "How is it that you have that?"

"I requested it years ago when my sister wrote me to tell me what she'd heard about her daughter. I was curious, and since I had a name to go by, I wanted to see what might've been on there so I requested it from the Orphanage. Sadly, she was already marked as having left it about a year before I got word on her whereabouts, so we couldn't find her."

"I wasn't even aware they kept lists of the children's names," Cullen admitted, and briefly, he wondered if he might've been in a list somewhere outside of Amaranthine, but supposed he'd never know. Even if he was, it wouldn't tell him anything that he didn't already know.

"Not all of them do," Marleyna answered him while he thought about it, "but the bigger ones, like the one in Denerim, have records on hand of the children raised there." She then put the scroll down on the desk behind which she sat then and folded her fingers together before glancing over at Cullen and saying, "I remember you saying you didn't know your parents either, and that you were raised outside of Amaranthine in the Monastery there."

"Yes," he nodded. "I was. I was just thinking perhaps my name is on one."

"It could be," Marleyna replied.

Cullen nodded at her, the conversation reminding him of what Kethran had said the other day about Templars being the children of mages, at least, in several cases. "It...does remind me of something I'd been told recently, however," he informed Marleyna, looking over at her with curiosity in his eyes.

"Oh? What's that?"

"Recently, at the Teryn's Keep, I ran into a man I used to serve with in the Circle Tower. His name is Kethran. He seems to think that many Templars are just the children of mages, taken from their parents at birth and conditioned to be Templars from a young age, or even priests I'd suspect in the female children's cases." Cullen looked back up at Marleyna and asked her, "Would you happen to...know anything about that?"

Marleyna let her hands lower to the surface of the desk as her brows raised. She thought about what he said, and then answered, "Honestly, I couldn't say. My official position as the Revered Mother dictates that I'm to answer any question you ask of the Chantry that could potentially defame it as 'no, that's not true at all', but in light of recent discoveries we're both well aware of, I think this is an outdated edict so to speak. It may very well be true in some cases, just as the letters found in Denerim proved that control of the Order using Lyrium was true in some cases. I myself have never had a hand in taking a child from it's parent however, so I couldn't be certain."

Cullen believed her completely, had absolutely no reason he shouldn't, and doubts never even entered his mind. To top it off, Marleyna seemed just as disturbed by the idea as he had, and that further proved she was telling the truth of what she knew. With a sigh, Cullen nodded slowly, finally replying after a moment, "I never knew my parents, Brent was raised by foster parents, Kethran told me he was raised in an Orphanage run by the local Chantry. He said he's talked to countless others in the Order as well whom don't know of their true roots. I don't like the conspiracy, but I have to admit that his words do give pause."

"That they do," Marleyna nodded. "Many of the priests I know had their parents however, and I knew mine, but then, I didn't make a habit of asking everyone about their pasts. So for all I know, I could have crossed several who had no idea what their lineage was in my time."

Cullen sighed, nodding and asking, "Might there be names from some of the Templars perhaps posted here on that list? That is, saying that list is old enough."

"Hmm, there could be, it's just over ten years old," she nodded, "though the Templars listed on it would of course know whether or not they were raised in an Orphanage in Denerim, so it would do little good to scour the list except to find out just how many of them there might be."

"True," Cullen replied, then shook his head. But he had a thought, and looked up, asking, "What about those too young to remember where they'd originally been taken. Those who were passed on to Foster families and raised by them instead? This might at least help them to know where they'd come from if they weren't told the truth for some reason."

"That," Marleyna replied with a nod of her silvery head of hair, "is an excellent point."

Cullen was glad that she agreed, somehow feeling better about things now that he'd talked to her about it, and as she'd tugged her spectacles from her face, probably ready to go and have dinner soon now, he asked her, "I think I've gotten us off topic though. I was told that you had something you wished to discuss with me. It's why I came here."

"Oh, I did," Marleyna replied, asking him, "did my sister mention that to you?"

"Yes, actually."

"Well, it's obvious she's lived in a Circle then, she likes to gossip," the Revered Mother chuckled out. "But it's just a few minor things I wanted to speak of, nothing extremely important. I first wanted to ask how you were doing with the Lyrium."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you that," Cullen remembered, then informed her, "I'm no longer taking it. I haven't had a dose in two weeks now, and I don't feel the need to take more either. That remedy worked."

Marleyna gave him a very genuine smile for his success, one that was infectious, making Cullen feel the need to do the same as she told him, "Wonderful, Cullen. I'm glad Melrath's remedy worked well for you."

Cullen buried the smile he felt like giving as best he could because he thought it was a bit too prideful when it wasn't really all his doing. In response, he said, "Well, I'm glad for Aislinn's help personally. If it weren't for her, I don't think I would have made it through that first night."

"I heard about it," Marleyna admitted. "She said you became fairly volatile with Alec and Captain Dreyan. It's not the first time this has happened though, so I hope you don't blame yourself for it."

"Aislinn says the same thing. I try not to, but I do still feel guilt."

"Well, that's just human nature to feel guilt in such a way," Marleyna replied with a smile. "And speaking of Aislinn, she's another topic I wanted to discuss with you. How are things fairing between the two of you now that you've been talking about your feelings for her? She seems to have taken a fancy to you as well."

"She...has, yes," Cullen nodded his head, unable to help himself from speaking so reluctantly about it. "I would be a liar as well if I said I felt any regret or guilt for what we've both...developed between us, or for following your advice. I...," he sighed, looking down, thinking about Aislinn's potential pregnancy again, as well as how they'd made love, which was something he wouldn't be telling Marleyna right now just incase Aislinn wound up not pregnant because Marleyna certainly hadn't advised him to sleep with the woman, and then finished his thoughts with the words, "I'm content when I'm with her. More than I've ever been that I can remember."

He looked back up once he was done speaking, expecting to see a thoughtful look on Marleyna's face, to find her considering whether or not it was all really a good idea, but instead, she was smiling warmly at him. "Hearing that makes me feel good, Cullen. So I'm taking it that the two of you may eventually seek a stronger connection, then?"

For a brief moment, he gave a pause as he thought of how to answer that, and finally settled on the words, "I could definitely say it's possible."

"Well, keep me informed of it. I'd like to make sure I'm on top of things, and that all is well for the both of you. I want to be able to do whatever I can."

"I will," Cullen told her honestly in response, glad that, even if she was powerless, she stood for them on a personal level. He got the feeling easily that she knew of the odds stacked against them, but she was supportive because she saw nothing in black and white saying that it was evil, wrong, or just plain immoral for him to seek something more with a woman he legitimately loved. Instead of mentioning any of that though, he only said, "I was told you're having dinner with her this evening, and your sister."

"Yes, so we can all talk together with Gracie. Isn't that a shock? That I'm her great aunt after everything?"

"Aislinn told me after Trista's Harrowing. It's not precisely something I'd expected to hear," Cullen replied.

"Perhaps you should join us. Gracie's fond of you after all, and I'm sure my sister wouldn't mind learning more about you. She's talked of staying here in this Circle, joining the Senior Mages, if you hadn't heard."

Aislinn had told Cullen all of this as well, but before he could tell Marleyna of this, a knock came to the door, and a woman's voice on the other side sounded upset whenever they heard it.

"Revered Mother, something's happened, I need to speak with you."

"Well come in, child, don't tell me through the door," Marleyna replied, her voice sympathetic but urgent in tone.

As soon as she made the suggestion, the door opened, and one of the Sisters named Amberly who had a fiery main of auburn hair and pretty sky blue eyes stood on the other side, about to walk in before gasping slightly when she saw Cullen as if she hadn't expected anyone to be standing there. Once she realized who it was, she sighed out the words, "Oh, I'm sorry, Ser! I thought Marleyna was alone."

"Come in," Marleyna told her with a wave of her hand before Cullen could make any kind of response to accidentally startling the fretting Sister. "Tell us what's happened, Amberly. That is, unless you'd rather Ser Cullen leave first?"

"No, it's fine," Amberly replied, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind herself. She looked distraught, though she hadn't been crying from what they could tell. She turned to the Revered Mother once the door was shutting out unwanted ears and said, "Terrible news just came about an hour ago. The Revered Mother, Jana, has been killed, and another Mother named Chastlin who was with her. They were killed by Apostates after leaving the Teryn's Keep."

Marleyna's blue eyes went wide, and she slowly stood up from her chair. Even Cullen couldn't help staring at Amberly as she delivered this news to them. It took Marleyna a moment for it all to settle in, but she finally asked, "Jana was killed by Apostates? Along with another Mother? Where did you hear this, Amberly?"

"A delivery from Morsfeld just arrived. Timly told me of it."

Timly was a guard who lived in Morsfeld and traveled with the deliveries to the Circle that were made for various items from time to time, and he was a trusting source of information. When Amberly said that, Marleyna let her head hang a bit. Cullen knew of Timly himself, though he'd yet to get to know the man, and he let his gaze drift from Amberly and over to Marleyna, a mix of feelings washing over him in those few moments. He hadn't known Jana, or Chastlin, and though his one experience with the women wasn't a completely pleasant one, he certainly didn't wish this kind of fate on them.

But for now, he worried more about Marleyna. After a moment of letting her head bow forward, she said aloud, "Maker guide them to your side."

Cullen looked down as well after that, his brows narrowing in thought, and that's when he asked Amberly, "Sister, did Timly report any others being dead or harmed? Or where this happened? Those Priests had five Templars protecting them, so there shouldn't be a need to call out a watch."

"I...," Amberly thought, then shook her head with the reply, "no, but he did said they weren't too far south of the Keep from what he heard."

"South?," Cullen asked. Morsfeld was south of the Teryn's Keep, which put them, though perhaps not too closely, in the general vicinity. When he had the thought, he looked over at Marleyna and told her, "If that's the case, we may need to be on alert anyway, incase the apostates who attacked them show up here."

"Yes," Marleyna replied, looking back over at him, and then she straightened her posture and gave a nod of her head. "If I might make a suggestion, don't report this to everyone just yet, Cullen, wait until official word arrives, which it soon will. I think it may be better to simply alert your higher ranking officers alone first so they'll know how to delegate their responsibilities. It will keep worry to a minimum if something should come this way."

Cullen gave Marleyna a compliant nod of his head over the suggestion and told her, "I'll do that right now then. I'll also alert those assigned to guard the walls of this as well so they'll know to be on the look out for anything suspicious."

Marleyna blankly nodded at Cullen silently, apparently overwhelmed by the news. When she remained quiet, he asked her, "Revered Mother? Will you be alright?"

The question snapped her out of it, her blue eyes going back to his face as thought entered her mind again. "Yes," she nodded after a moment, "I'll be fine. I just knew Jana, and though we didn't always see eye to eye, this is...not pleasant news. But go on and get things set, Knight Commander. Don't worry over me."

Reluctantly, Cullen nodded at her, gave her the proper respect, and then turned to leave the study. As he let the door shut, he heard Amberly telling Marleyna that she was worried the Chantry might think some mages from the Morsfeld Circle had done this, and send someone to investigate, and he hadn't even thought of that until she spoke the words. But it could easily be true. What's worse, with Cullen being the Knight Commander there, things might become heated for him as well whenever news spread far enough.

Still, at least they knew about it. Things would have to be handled appropriately, and as Cullen walked along, he thought to himself that in the meantime, he wouldn't get to have dinner with the Revered Mother, her sister, Aislinn, and Gracie after all. But that seemed to be the way of things, and he felt highly compelled to handle this matter in any case.

For a brief moment, he wondered if Kethran was alive. He wasn't sure why the man had so suddenly popped into his head - perhaps it was simply because they had a slight history when it came to serving together - but he was curious nonetheless. Still, a Revered Mother, dead at the hands of mages, wasn't going to bode well in the near future either way things went.

This might be the blow that actually drug Morsfeld into the battle currently waging between the mages and Templars that didn't seem to want to die down. The thought almost made it feel as if the Harrowing for the Circle itself was just beginning somehow.