Chapter 36

Alistair wanted to die. Or disappear, failing that. He just couldn't handle being in the party. Not with everyone smirking at him like they knew all his secret cheese fantasies. They didn't, of course. That would've been much worse.

News had spread. First Aedan. Then Zevran. And now even Solona wouldn't stop smirking at him. It was maddening!

And to crown it all, Shale remembered everything. Everything! The statue he and Leliana had been... had been... affectionate under had come alive, and remembered everything!

What have I done to deserve this? Was it all the cheese I ate, Duncan? Is kissing girls bad? Because it felt very good. How can something that feels so good be bad I don't know anymore okay I need to stop thinking so much.

Which was easier said than done. Alistair had been unable to think of anything – or anyone – else ever since that afternoon. The feeling of something bubbling in his stomach was ever present, along with a spring in his step.

For Alistair was happy. Despite all the embarrassment and the looks levelled his way, he felt happier than he had in a long while. Perhaps it would fade, but it didn't seem to be going anywhere soon. Of course he didn't want it to fade. He wanted it to last. He wanted... more.

With a deep sigh, he stared into the crackling fire. It was past dinnertime and he'd not had a chance to talk to Leliana. The day had gotten away from them, what with a golem suddenly coming awake. That tended to create a fuss. Fortunately, Matthias, the village head, had provided the inn at their disposal, so it wasn't all bad. Alistair appreciated the gesture, though he couldn't bring himself to lie down and sleep.

Not tonight.

The others were hopefully all asleep. At least, he hadn't seen any of them up and about. He certainly hoped they were asleep. It wouldn't do to be tired on the long walk to Redcl–

"Hello, Alistair."

A soft voice. A shy tone. A gentle Orlesian lilt. The combined effect made Alistair almost cough up his heart.

He turned around to find her smiling at him, a shawl wrapped around her shoulders. The fire cast shadows over face, seemingly amplifying the brightness of her eyes. She looked beautiful.

"Hey," he replied. Alistair felt rather proud of himself when his voice didn't shake.

Leliana picked the armchair beside his before the fireplace. Alistair couldn't look away from her the entire time. She turned and smiled at him again when she'd settled down.

"Trouble sleeping?"

Alistair shook his head. "No I just... couldn't stop thinking."

"What were you thinking about?"

"You." He hesitated. "Us."

She grinned at that, as if she'd been expecting it. Leliana gazed at him expectantly, silently urged him to keep talking. Alistair, who'd been thinking about what to say for a long time, took a few moments to gather his thoughts.

It still seemed surreal that they had kissed. That he'd initiated something like that. That she'd been open to it. But that was in the past. He wanted to make sure that there would be more kissing in the future, too.

He knew that she was... used to such things. Maybe such actions didn't mean as much to her, but he wanted to be sure regardless.

"I care about you. A great deal. And not in a 'let's be best friends forever' kind of way. Though you already know this." He placed his elbows on his thighs and leaned forward. "I've spent days and weeks thinking about what to tell you in this instance – should the opportunity ever arise. Now, I just have no idea what to say."

"It is fine, Alistair. I can help you there."

"Oh?"

Leliana nodded and fixed her gaze on his. Alistair gulped.

"Alistair, you have made this journey not only bearable, but memorable. You have always been a friend and confidante, someone I can trust and be comfortable around." She smiled. "There were times when we would be up during guard duty that I would succumb to sleep, only to wake and find you watchful and protective. I know you will always be there for me. You have been the best friend anybody could have asked for and sometimes, well, many times actually... I've wondered whether we could be... more than that?"

He sat in silence for a bit, turning over what she'd said. Leliana had kept it remarkably short and sweet. Not that he'd been expecting a giant speech or anything. It just amused him that such matters could be expressed verbally in such a succinct manner.

But some things still needed to be cleared up.

"You have no problem with me going bonkers and going off to die in thirty or so years?"

That was the main problem.

Leliana sighed and reached out to take his hand. "Alistair, we have been circling around each other for a long time. Do you agree?" How can I not? "What with the coming conflict, I do not know what the future holds. Anything can happen." He squeezed her hand. She smiled. "I do not want to waste any more time. I want to make the most of whatever time we can get. Don't you?"

It seemed ridiculous, furthering romantic interests in the shadow of war, but here he was. It didn't feel wrong, either. If anything, her words made him happy in a way. It was true that there were no guarantees in any conflict. There was no overabundance of control. Yet they'd managed to carve out a little niche for themselves despite all the chaos, and the only logical step was to nurture it. He didn't care even if it wasn't logical.

"All right." Alistair nodded and brought her knuckles to his lips. "All right. I guess we're really going for it, then?"

Leliana hummed, amused. "I guess so."

"Good. Great." Alistair nodded again. "Now what? Am I supposed to do anything specific at this point? Wait, why're you smiling? What did I do?"

With a quiet laugh, Leliana left her chair and came and sat on his lap. She tucked her legs under his and snuggled into his chest, placing her head on his shoulder.

"I was hoping we could start with some light cuddling," she said as she stroked his chest. "Nothing too dangerous, so don't worry."

Alistair chuckled and wrapped his trembling arms around her. Oh, I'm going to die.

"You Orlesians are really forward."

"We have to be. Men can be so dumb."

"...fair."