Chapter 36: A Broken Heart…
(Jessie's P.O.V.)
My request was met by the cold empty air that presided the entire hut, and I was left blinking away even more tears as I looked at Sam's emotionless face. He was so peaceful while he slept, but deep in my heart, I knew this sleep would never end, and I didn't want to think about that fact much longer; it was slowly tearing me up on the inside. Leaning forward, I brought my hand up and rubbed his cheek, and I kissed him gently on his lips as more tears began to slide down my fur, and dropped onto his own cheeks. Moving away, I wiped my tears from his cheeks as I took a few deep breaths to try and calm my racing heart, but that only meant more tears fell. Turning away, I walked away from the table he was lying on, and I made my way towards the door, feeling every painful step as I went. I had refused to eat and drink every time someone had offered me anything, so I was left weaker than a tired child. Wrapping my hand around the handle to the door, I took another glance back, and watched as the few rays of sunlight managed to fall in a way that put a serene feeling to the entire room. My sight began to cloud up as more tears began to build up, so I turned around and pulled the door open, and quickly walked out.
Once outside, I closed the door and moved to the side slightly, and I quickly leaned against the wall and slid down into a sitting position. I brought my knees up as I wrapped my tail around my feet, and set my head down onto my arms which I had crossed on my knees. Feeling utterly worthless, empty, and abandoned, I let my tears fall wherever they pleased, but I made sure to remain silent this time. My shoulders felt heavy while my heart felt even worse, but it was my mind that felt like a hurricane was crashing through it while my eyes felt hot and dry from all my crying. My throat hurt to breathe from all my sobbing, but pain and guilt were the most prominent of all things that I felt were wrong with me. Sam had risked his life so many times just so that I could remain safe from all the dangers I put us in, but every time he did so, he ended up getting hurt. It is almost l-like I'm just a bad luck c-charm to him… I cause him more problems than any other person ever goes through. Maybe next time I will keep him safe instead… if he e-even wakes up.
I clenched my hands into tight fists, and I felt anger touch my mind as an image of Sam's face came to mind. If only you didn't always feel the need to try and protect me. I'm a free fox, not some slave that always needs protecting! Almost as suddenly as the anger came however, it was washed away with remorse from even considering anger towards Sam, especially for everything he has done for me. Who am I trying to kid…? I l-love you Sam… w-why did it have to b-be you instead of me? A painfully aware lurch ran through my body, almost like a shock, and then I was made all the more conscious of why it had and always would be him. His love for me was just as strong as my own, and I knew no matter what happened to him, either here in the waking realm, or even in the afterlife where I would join him someday; he would always love me and be willing to protect me. Opening my eyes so that I could see once again, I felt the tears finally stop cascading their way down, and I saw an ever so slight blue glow emanating from the underside of my shirt. Taking one of my hands, I reached back and pulled my shirt away from my chest, and peered down, and saw the glow coming from within my orange fur. I took my other hand and reached down, and when I grabbed the small circular item and lifted it from its confines of my fur, I saw it was the soul stone Sam had given during the first week we had met.
Letting the stone dangle from the chain necklace that held it around my neck, I smiled ever so slightly, and I let out a small sigh through my lips. I claim to be a free fox, yet here I am, still a slave to a human that claimed to have set me free. I was referring to the chain necklace as my shackle, but not in the form of unwanting service, rather than companionship. With the stone, I will always have a peace of Sam with me, no matter what happens to his body; for I will always know he had feelings for me before I had for him. Even when I was in heat, he was so kind to me, not treating me any differently than I had been before. Bring my hand around and under the soul stone, I gazed deeply into it, and the memories of when I had first been bought by Sam came back to me. I was so scared, but I was even more relieved as well. If he hadn't bought me from master, then I would've been subjected to the forced mating that was going to, 'give him more business' from other slavers.
After that thought left me, I remembered when he had taken the shackles off, and the immense feeling of individuality had returned almost immediately. That moment was the worst, yet most wonderful of them all; a slave being set free was a gods send. But while it was a favor, it almost always meant something bad was around the corner, I remember hearing from another keidran what her master had done afterwards when he did that.
Next after that memory came the one from when we had gotten into some trouble at the bar, after he had been shot by a poisoned arrow. He had thrown a grown man while injured, but not before he had done something to his arm. He had even admitted to being a keidran lover… and what other keidran did he mean that he was a lover too? Even if we weren't lovers at the time, he basically said how he loved me…
Letting out a quiet sigh, I let the stone fall down, and I felt my heat flush, and I quickly shoved the memory down into my heart. It was probably one of the single most important and cherished memories I held in my heart of Sam and anything I have ever done before, it was also what solidified my passion for Sam as well. He had stayed true to his promise, and after I was out of heat, Sam had willingly become my mate that very same night in the inn on the Basitin islands. My cheeks began to flush as a smile spread all over my muzzle, and I leaned my face down as I painfully whispered, "Why did you have to leave Sam…?"
Placing the soul stone back into my shift, I felt a cool breeze brush through my fur, and I heard someone walk up and stop near me. I slowly lifted my head and saw it was the keidran that had come from Oasis, and she gave me a curious look as she asked, "For someone losing someone they care about, I had expected you to be sadder than you currently are…"
My smile dropped after she said that, and the emotions of sadness and pain once more returned, and I looked down as I said quietly, "I was just remembering all the good times I had with him… that's why I was feeling happier than when everybody left." Doing my best to keep tears from falling down my cheeks once more, I heard her shift his feet slightly as she let out a heavy sigh.
"S-Sorry… I didn't mean to make you feel worse than you already are, I was just surprised. From what your travel companions told me, he was quite a human." I looked up, and saw she was staring at the wooden door to the hut, "If it means anything, can we go on a walk, so that you can get these sad matters off your mind?" I nodded my head, and I slowly stood up, and I dusted my clothes off the best I could, but made sure to not strain my tired and weak body too much. When I looked up, I saw that the Oasis healer was holding out a meat strip for me, and she added, "I know you haven't eaten since the incident… but you must; from what I know, your human friend would not have allowed you to do something like this." I shook my head as I pushed his hand away even though it was highly tempting, but I didn't want to eat anything for the time being. She sighed once more, and she placed a firm hold on my shoulder as he said, "If you don't eat, you will just disrespect your friend and friends. They still care about your well-being, and I'm not sure starving yourself will bring back the human you show such a liking for."
I looked up at her face, and saw the determination and concern in his eyes, and so I reluctantly took it from him and took a small bite from it. She nodded her head, but the frown didn't leave her face as she released my shoulder, and when she turned around and began to walk, I followed her while munching on the seasoned and dry venison. We were going through the small village, and I asked, "W-Where are we going…?"
She looked over her shoulder momentarily before looking back forward, and she said, "We are going to meet with the Basitin and wolf… they have been remaining at another hut, but they seemed like they weren't coping well with half their group missing. Separation is a tough thing to cope with, and while we all experience the losses of loved ones and friends, we must remain strong for those that are still here…" She looked over her shoulder and said, "We also need to confirm a few details with you so we can start working on the grave for the human…"
I stopped, and I felt a cold chill run all down my back, and I inhaled sharply as I dropped the slice of meat and held my hands close to my heart. She took notice, and when she was facing me, I felt tears collecting at the corners of my eyes as I said, "B-But h-he is still a-alive! H-He breaths… how c-can you just b-bury him!? You can't kill him… I w-won't let you…"
She raised her hands slightly as he said, "It isn't of either of our choices, the master healer has made her choice, not to include the penalty of killing someone, but he is technically dead. I'm sorry, but there isn't anything anyone can do for him. He will starve to death before he wakes up, and if he does wake up, he might die from dehydration from being too weak." I felt myself beginning to shiver, and I could only move back slightly as I shook my head, "It is respectful for one human to kill another in their culture… it is also a kindness to not let them suffer either from something that can't be healed."
"P-Please… o-one more night…" I asked, and I felt my stomach churn emptily, and I held my arms tighter to myself. She shook her head, and I felt myself collapse, but she caught me before I hit the ground, and I could only stare at the ground as I shook from the emotional trauma that I was being subjected too.
"Come on; let's meet with the others…" She said, and without even a choice of my own, she began to lead me to another destination where the others were, somewhere away from Sam's still breathing body, and further driving a knife into my broken heart…
Nodding my head, I quietly said began to walk away to say my final parting goodbyes to Sam and prepare myself for his imminent burial. He had his own headstone, a spot picked and dug, and even his own coffin… all of those things had broken my heart more and more. I felt tears dripping down my fur as I trudged onwards back to the hut he was in, and I was trying my best to keep my thoughts on our good times, and not his soon to be death. This is no fair, he is alive, yet they are still going to kill him because he is in this cursed endless slumber.
Taking a brief look up, I saw his hut ahead of me, and I lowered my gaze once more, and I choked back a sobbing fit, if only to keep a small shred of dignity left. I felt my heart throbbing painfully in my chest as I stopped in front of the door, I gazed hard at the door handle, hoping to stave off the moment as long as I could, but I knew time was running out for me to be near Sam's side. Slowly, I began to lift my arm, and I had only one thought on my mind as my hand slid onto the door handle; and that was Sam…
A.N.: Short chapter, but it explored Jessie's sadness a little bit more, and it went in to show truly how sad this keidran really is. From a slaver, to a lover, and now, to a broken heart, can life get any crueler? The reason why I focused this chapter on Jessie, is because when I talked about Spirit's pain from sadness and heartbreak, I didn't do it well enough, so I'm hoping over 2k words is enough to explain how sad someone is. Now that I have finished explaining myself, time to reply to reviews, and then go take a quick nap while the power is out…
King Spoot: Same here, I also dislike putting my personal name into stories, but I succumbed to that fear, and used my name in one of the other stories I have. And thanks, when I reach the right level, which is when I will start writing to publish my own book, so I can start making real money instead of reviews being the currency.
Jereth: Glad you like all my stories, they take quite a while to write, not to mention complete, like this chapter for example. As for your connection, it is alright, I have thousands of people every month that don't leave a single review… only a small fraction of readers actually take their time to review any of my stories… where else it takes hours to type a single chapter.
RT86: I have telekinesis… I'm that bad… ;] lol. Global annihilation is a high possibility in our days… look back at history, we almost did it during the cold war.
3-D Jak: 'id' can mean a lot of things, so I will require you to explain it yourself during your next review. As for the fourth wall, I didn't need it, and it was more of in the way that anything else, so I chose to get rid of it, and reality as a whole. You see, without any of those obstacles, I managed to write this chapter, which was surprisingly fun, but was weird and trippy. If you think about it long enough, authors need split personalities just to write good stories; else we will fail to write anything decent. That mainly applies to authors like me, with the 3rd person perspective, but hey, if my mind is in many pieces, then you all get better things to read.
Rylak: I was aiming to so something that maybe no one else has ever done before, which is a high possibility nobody else has. I know a few people that talk to their characters in their stories, but having windows inside your own realm showing off your other masterpieces… well, let's just say the window of opportunity presented itself to me, and I used it.