*Trigger WARNING* This book deals with a soldier who has been to war and seen and done some shit. Although artistic license has been taken, most of this shit is real. In fact, all of it is, but it has been gleaned from different people and put into one. Please, if you have PTSD or deal with issues around war and gore, proceed carefully or maybe give this one a skip. Proceed with caution PS: thanks for the reviews and follows, I appreciate them. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, no one in the WWE, no real or stage names. I write this purely as a form of bizarre therapy from my own time over there. I do own my own character Alicia Price. This book contains swearing (lots) and eventual smut, but no slash. It's a slow burn guys, so bear with me. This book is not cannon, and takes place vaguely when the Shield boys were together in the Shield pre-break up. The book focuses on Jon Good/Jon Moxley/Dean Ambrose/OC, but there are cameos everywhere later. I use their real names in here because I think would like to know the real person if I ever met them. I realize Renee is real, and I love her and Jon, but, sorry, for this story she's just in the background. Anyway, enjoy! Feel free to ask questions, leave reviews and any other such awesomeness.

The idea of this book came from the song Broken by Lovelytheband

I like that you're broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you're lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you

There's something tragic, but almost pure
Think I could love you, but I'm not sure
There's something wholesome, there's something sweet
Tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet

Chapter 34

You spent eight days in the hospital this time around. Your dad stayed with you the whole time, helping you with the plans to get you back to your base. The amount of paperwork for going over your allotted leave time was staggering, but thankfully they understood the exigent circumstances. They just told you to get better and bring your doctor's notes and records with you when you returned.

Your bags were brought to the hospital a couple days into your stay by a driver. You had hoped that Jon would be the one to bring them, you just wanted to see his face again. To kiss his lips. But he stayed away. Your father never mentioned him again. He knew you were hurting from the whole ordeal and decided that the best action was to just leave the whole issue in the past. You supposed it made sense in his eyes, out of sight out of mind. He spent a lot of time praying over your bedside and thanking God that you were alive again. He didn't try to quiet your tears when you cried, instead telling you tales of the family, the church and the travel trailer that your mom was allowing him to get after making him sell his motorcycle.

The doctors were pleased with your recovery and assured you that you should have no more problems if you maintained a healthy lifestyle and followed all the recommendations they gave you. You promised to behave. Your dad was thrilled you were better again. He chose to fly with you to Colorado and help you get settled before returning home to your mom.

The return to your base was depressing. The unit was still deployed, but you were immediately moved to a Warrior Transition Battalion anyway. There were so many doctor's appointments. So many that you didn't even know all the names of the doctors that you had to see. For that, you were grateful. At least your days were filled. It allowed you to ignore the pain of the memories. Every day you got up and dressed in the military uniform that had brought you so many fucking problems in your life. You would start your days with sadness and keep your misery to yourself while you went from appointment to appointment for all your medical problems. The nights were the worst, instead of dreaming about war, now you were dreaming about Jon. You missed his hands on your body and his kisses on your face. You missed him tucking your head under his chin and humming his calming random tune. You could close your eyes and see his smirk while he rasped out an inappropriate joke or sexy comment. How did just one week in your life turn out to be the most wonderful and memorable time? How was that man able to effect you that much?

The new unit set you up in a barracks room by yourself. At least you didn't have to deal with another fucking roommate. You had spent so many years living with people you didn't choose. It came with a nice TV and cable, but you couldn't bring yourself to watch Jon on any of the shows. The wounds were too fresh. Maybe someday you would be able to turn on wrestling and see his scowling face or his impudent smile and not have your heart clench in pain. But for right now, you lost yourself in getting out of the ARMY and moving on with your life.

The only thing you kept as a daily reminder of Jon was the tiny cupcake charm. You had moved it from the velvet ribbon and added it onto your dog tag chain so that you could wear it every day. It may not be in regulation, but you didn't fucking care anymore. You didn't really fucking care about anything. They stuck you back into therapy sessions for PTSD. While in these sessions, they suggested that you might benefit from a therapy dog. You smiled sadly and said that you would think about it.

Five months after your Vegas trip, you were finally released from the ARMY, permanently and completely disabled. The ARMY gave you pay-out for the end of your contract and your disability. It wasn't enough to live extravagantly, but it was enough for you to rent a small condo in a town thirty miles from your parents. It took you a month after getting out to give in and get your therapy dog. After being with him for a month, you were even more sure that you made the right decision. Taking one look and the huge Doberman, you knew that it was meant to be.

You went to the VA and they set you up as well, making sure that you were continuing your appointments, maintaining your health and even giving you a rating of 100% disability so that you wouldn't have to work another day in your life. It may not be the best life you were living, but it worked. Your parents were close enough that you could visit, but far enough away that you didn't feel like they could pop by at any time. You weren't having the best time, but you were alive. That was what was important.

The Pacific Northwest was not a weather friendly place to be in February. The rain would pour down regularly, freezing, but not enough to cause snow. The cold would permeate your bones and no amount of layering could even begin to bring warmth.

A creature of habit, however, you got Princess ready for his walk every day, and today was no different. The morning's chill was almost too much, but you made it down the street and to the ocean so that he could enjoy a little bit of running on the beach. He was such a dorky dog, but you figured he deserved to be as dorky as he wanted with a name like Princess. You smiled sadly as you watched him enjoying himself, Jon would appreciate the name. Time had helped you. Every waking moment was not spent thinking of the week you spent with him now. You were proud to say that after seven months he only entered your thoughts every hour, instead of minute.

Standing there watching the ocean waves, you tried to feel calm. You tried to accept, again, that this was your life now. Puttering around every day, eating healthy food, maintaining your medications, cleaning invisible dust from your house. You sighed as the almost ever-present sadness crept into your heart again. When would this feeling leave you for good?

Gathering up Princess' things, you leashed him up and began to walk back slowly to your condo. Maybe you could do something a little different today, like dust first before vacuuming. Boy, that sounded like a thrill a minute. Princess bristled a little as you got closer to the door. A large black SUV sat in your driveway. No one you knew had a vehicle like that. You wondered if your dad had gone out to buy another car and was stopping by to show it off. He did love his new toys, you chuckled to yourself. You walked up the drive to see who was visiting you. Princess let out a growl as you approached your stoop, alerting you that this was not someone familiar. There, in all his almost frozen glory sat Joe fucking Anoaʻi, burrowing into his jacket as he tried to stay warm in the freezing cold weather.

"Joe?" You asked curiously as you walked up the steps, "Oh my god! Joe! What are you doing here? Holy shit! How the fuck are you, man?" Princess growled again, and you looked down and patted his head, "Down boy, Joe here's an old friend." You turned to face Joe and said, "Come on inside, let's get you warmed up."

He stood and gave you a hug, "Hey baby girl, you're looking good. And yeah, it's pretty cold where you decided to put down your roots. A far cry from a Florida winter, that's for sure."

He followed you inside the door and into the kitchen. You took off all of Princess' service gear and leash and grabbed him some fresh water and food. Filling a pot with water you put it on to boil for some tea.

"I'm sorry I can't offer you anything stronger than tea, but I don't drink anymore, and I'm not allowed caffeine," you chuckled ruefully. "Doctor's orders."

"That's ok, I'm just here for a little chat anyway," he replied. You steeped the bags in a couple of mugs and offered one to him. Gratefully taking the tea from your hand he followed you into the living room and sat down in one of your chairs. It looked comically small with his huge form swallowing it up.

"So how have you been, Alicia? Nice little home you have here," he said as he glanced around. "You been doing good?" Joe asked after a minute.

"Did you really come all the way out here to comment on my décor and ask me how I am doing, Joe? I mean, how did you even find me? Not that I don't appreciate the visit," you told him honestly.

He set his cup down on the coffee table and leaned back a little as much as the small chair would allow. "Truth? I stole your parent's number from Jon's phone when he wasn't looking. He doesn't know anything about technology and has never deleted a thing." You snickered at this, knowing it was the truth. "When I told them what was up, they gave me your address so that I could come and talk to you."

You paused at that while you took a sip of your tea. Your parents knew that he was coming, and they didn't say anything? Wow, that was different. "So," you gestured with you hand, "talk." Princess trotted in to lay down at your feet, seeming to know that you were going to need support during this conversation.

"That's a mighty fine dog you have there, what's his name?" Joe asked.

"Princess, and he loves it…" You said, slightly defensively. "Joe, why are you here?" You asked softly.

"I wanted to know how you were, and honestly I wanted to know if you still felt anything for that lunkhead brother of mine." He chuckled, "Alicia, you guys may have only had a week together, but he hasn't forgotten you. That time with you meant a lot to him. He still has that picture of the two of you in the desert as his phone background, after Colby showed him how to set it, of course." He passed his hand over his face and glanced back up at you. "Do you watch anymore? Or I guess at all, since you never did to begin with?"

You looked down at your fingernails and picked at a cuticle. "Um, it's not that I don't love you guys and what you do, but it just hurts, you know? I just… well, it's easier for me to just live my life without trying to keep up with that world. It was an adventure, like he said… like we both said."

"Baby girl, he hasn't forgotten that adventure. He's still worthless when it comes to you. We can't even have cupcakes in catering without him getting all sullen and shutting down. It only takes one mention of the military for him to twitch or flip and then he's storming off. He almost bit off the head of one of the interviewers when she asked if he was available to go out with her. He's become even more unhinged. I'm pretty sure that if something doesn't change soon, he's going to go back into some of his old ways." He rumbled out.

You looked at him in shock, "But HE left me, Joe. HE was the one who said he had to go. HE was the one who said we had our own lives and we needed to go live them. I begged him, Joe," you cried out, "I fucking begged him to stay with me. You have no idea how much I wanted him to fucking stay. He said he had to go and then left me in the fucking hospital bed. He didn't even return my bags. Some fucking driver did that. He had my phone number… kind of. Why the fuck did he let me go if he wanted to stay with me?" Princess sensed your distress and placed his head on your lap. You bent down to snuggle him and breathed in a deep breath. "Why the fuck didn't he just stay?" You asked softly.

Joe looked down at his feet and slumped his shoulders. "I can't answer that, baby girl. That's something he kept to himself. You know he doesn't really talk about things that bother him. We were so surprised when you came with him that first day and he had opened up so much to you. We saw how good you were for him. After everything that happened with you, he came back from Vegas and never said anything else about it. I know it still hurts him, though. I know my brother is still hurting. I just thought, maybe, if I could get you to come out and see him at our next big show…" His words dropped off as he looked at you hopefully.

"I don't know, Joe. I don't know if I can put myself out there again. It's been seven months since I saw him last. I just know it hurt so much when he left that it's taken until just recently for me to even be able to deal with being alone."

"Yeah, I understand that. I just want to see my brother happy again, baby girl. And he hasn't been happy since he was with you. I'd like to see you happy too. Seems like living alone in a big empty house might be a bit lonely."

He drew in a long breath before continuing, "They made him a champion, did you know that? Gave him the US title. He's held onto it for longer than anyone so far. He's doing good in the company, but he's just not happy anymore. I can tell he's working so hard to make it. He doesn't even really do anything but eat, sleep and work. I'm worried, Alicia. I don't want to see him fall into destructive behavior, and there's only so much that Colby and I can do to distract him." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a WWE pass and ticket. "This is for the Elimination Chamber Pay-Per-View later this month. It's in Minneapolis, but I've got an open-ended plane ticket for you if you choose to come." He looked over at you with caring eyes, "Can you honestly say that you want it to end the way it did, baby girl? I can see you haven't let go, I can tell by your words and I can tell by that necklace you're sporting right now. Galina helped him find a charm shop, so don't try to tell me that you got it for yourself."

Your hand came up to the small charm around your neck. You had forgotten that you changed it back onto the ribbon after you got out of the ARMY and just never took it off. Fingering the tiny cupcake, you smiled softly at Joe, "No, no, I guess I can't say that I have."

You reached out to take the tickets from him. "I can't promise anything, but I'll think about it, ok?"