AN: First, don't kill me for this chapter. It's heavy on the angst and probably somewhat depressing. But things have to progress...

Thanks go to Mama Rocks for such a great Beta job! I changed up one or two things after she sent it back so any mistakes beyond that would be my fault...lol.


Chapter 36 - Stumbling Through it All

Jack grunted, his arms tightening around Ianto momentarily as a low buzzing filled the air. His hand shot out quickly searching the bedside table for whatever was making the sound. He kept his eyes tightly closed, not quite yet wanting to admit a new day, especially considering it felt like they'd just barely gone to sleep.

His fingers closed tightly over a small rectangular item, nearly dropping it when it vibrated again in his palm. His mind was so completely sleep addled that it took him a few seconds to realise he was holding Ianto's mobile in his hand. As soon as he did he started pressing random buttons, trying to get it to stop its inane buzzing.

He finally cracked an eye open when the phone abruptly switched from vibrating mildly to issuing an irritatingly glaring shrill noise. Before he could figure out exactly what he had done wrong, Ianto's hand burst from under the covers, grabbing and effectively silencing the offending instrument. Jack watched with both eyes open now, heavy amusement cascading throughout him as Ianto dropped the phone to the floor and rolled over, issuing a soft snore as he did so. He chuckled under his breath as Ianto burrowed further under the covers, his hands moving up to settle below the pillow his head was resting on.

The image of Ianto looking so innocent and so relaxed sent a thrill of arousal throughout him that he couldn't quite explain. After a moment of debate he shifted closer towards Ianto's warmth and reached up to twine the short strands of his hair between his fingers. When Ianto failed to respond, he began to map out the features of his face with his fingers, almost as if he was trying to memorise them by touch alone, being careful to avoid the various cuts that he'd sustained that day. After tracing over his eyebrows, he ran them down along the bridge of Ianto's nose, smiling as he reached the small dip that coalesced into the endearing bulbous end that always reminded him of a newborn. The tips of his fingers moved down further, outlining along the edges of his lips and causing Ianto to pout slightly as he released a soft sigh.

"Jack..."

Jack's eyes widened slightly at the sound, his smile growing wider. He moved his hand again, allowing his palm to run tenderly across Ianto's cheek, cupping it gently. Ianto's face tilted towards his touch as he sighed again, smiling contentedly in his sleep, causing Jack to suck in a deep breath of air at the sight. For reasons he didn't want to focus on, the way that Ianto was reacting to his touch, even in his sleep, was beginning to make his heart stutter with emotion.

He closed his eyes for a moment, his fingers still caressing Ianto's face as he tried to sort out the thoughts that had been plaguing him for nearly ten hours. Ever since he had paused in shooting at those insane lunatic cannibals and turned to seen Ianto bound and gagged on the floor, he'd been running on immense fear and sheer rage. He'd turned back towards the degenerate cop who was actually trying to go for his gun and fired one more time, just barely realising that he'd aimed for his hand when he should have shot the arrogant vermin in the heart. In that instant, he honestly wished he'd gone more for kill shots when he first came into the place. It had only taken a split second for him to realise exactly how close he'd been to losing the young man, as well as the rest of his team, and it terrified him to no end. To be perfectly honest, he was still regretting allowing Gwen to talk him out of killing the bastards who'd put them all there like that.

He should have just ignored her pleas and annihilated the lot of them on the spot. Especially since he knew she wasn't going to get the answer she wanted. She had been looking to find some sort of logic in the midst of all that madness, when he could have just told her that she would never find it. Logic and reason left life when it came to situations like that. This was probably his motivation for only giving her five minutes with the psychotic freak instead of the full hour she asked for.

'She should feel grateful that she got that much! You can't get something from nothing and those animals were the definition of nothing.' his mind supplied as his eyes slowly opened back up.

Jack focused his gaze back on Ianto, silently willing him to wake up and look at him with those startlingly blue-gray irises. He knew he should let him get some rest, but the yearnings inside of him were nearly overwhelming, almost to the point of painful. They ripped through him violently...he wanted to see Ianto smile at him, to feel the pressure of his body against his own, to hear him moan Jack's name in pleasure.

Above everything else though, he needed to reassure himself that Ianto was alive and well.

The strength of that need startled him, making him quickly draw his hand away from Ianto's face. Ianto shuddered, whimpering softly in his sleep at the swift movement, but Jack was too lost in the uneasy feeling that had suddenly settled into his bones to take notice. It concerned him that he hadn't noticed, that somewhere in the midst of all the madness that Torchwood brought down on them, Jack had lost complete control over the situation.

It didn't matter how much he struggled or how often he denied what he was feeling. The truth of the matter was, he already cared for Ianto way too much. He could still honestly say that he wasn't in love with the young man, but he was certainly hurdling in that very direction.

There was something else that was niggling at his mind, something he'd noticed from when he was kissing Ianto in the tent as well. Ianto was most assuredly starting to care about him too. Which, if he was honest with himself he noticed it happening, had watched it progress and had been unable to stop it, no matter what he did. He was still uncertain as to how their relationship had progressed to this area already. Jack had witnessed the lengths to which Ianto would go to protect those he loved when they had found Lisa. Once his care was established it would not be easy to shake it free.

Which would end up being problematic at best and heart wrenching at worst.

Because what it all came down to was that everything would be excruciatingly painful in the end. The simple fact was, he still needed answers from the Doctor, and even if he didn't find him within Ianto's lifetime, the young man would still eventually die and leave him behind. The only reason he'd lost touch with his humanity in the first place was because he was tired of losing people, tired of living lifetime after lifetime with nothing to show for it but pain and heartache in the end. One of them would be left behind, hurt and alone. That's how it always ended...

Making a decision, Jack sat up and turned back to look at Ianto. He knew that what he planned was going to be painful for both of them, but he also knew that if he didn't start pulling away now he would end up regretting it. He would take tonight and make it one for Ianto to remember, as well as a time he himself could be completely happy, however fleeting it would be.

Fully awake now, Jack reached out and ran the tips of his fingers up Ianto's jaw line, softening the touch as soon as he reached the young man's ear. He tickled it lightly, chuckling as Ianto snuffled and reached up to bat his hand away, despite the fact that it was already gone. Jack repeated the action, a mischievous grin covering his lips as Ianto grunted and rubbed at his ear. Just as he reached forward to do it one more time, Ianto's hand snagged his own and drew the tips of his fingers to his lips.

Jack's eyes snapped back to Ianto's face to find the young man gazing up at him, a soft smile playing against his mouth as he nuzzled the fingertips, his tongue flicking out lightly over each one. When he reached Jack's middle finger he sucked it gently between his lips allowing his teeth to graze the skin lightly.

Jack groaned softly and deliberately closed his eyes. It hurt to even look at him and he was worried that Ianto would see that something was off if he kept their gazes locked. Ianto released his middle finger and switched to his index finger, his tongue circling the tip seductively before drawing it fully into his mouth. He shuddered, his eyes tightened until it almost felt as if he wouldn't be able to open them again if he tried. He felt Ianto release his hand hesitantly, pulling it away from his lips at the same time.

"Jack?"

The insecurity in Ianto's voice made him realise how poor a job he was doing at hiding his thoughts. He shook his head lightly, instinctively flipping his hand around and grasping Ianto's within it, intertwining their fingers tightly together. He took a moment to focus all of his energy on why he was choosing the path he was about to take, then violently shoved it all out of his mind.

It took a little longer then he would have liked, but after a couple of minutes he opened his eyes and smiled. Ianto tilted his head slightly and opened his mouth, but before he could get any words out Jack leant forward and captured his lips with his own.

He poured everything he felt into the kiss, his tongue flicking out to tease at Ianto's mouth until he relented and opened up for him. Ianto returned the favour, his own tongue flicking out to meet with Jack's tangling wetly with it. Jack could taste his own desperation and concentrated on not allowing Ianto to discern it.

He felt a thrill of unease go through him when Ianto pushed him away suddenly, but it disappeared when he saw a blush creep up the young man's face. Jack thrust the feeling away and smiled again at Ianto, reaching forward to run the back of his fingers down Ianto cheek.

"What is it Ianto? What do you want?"

Ianto gazed at him shyly then closed his eyes. In any other time he might have relished the look that was reflected in Ianto's expression, but for right now he was too worried to see the amusement in the situation. After a split second Ianto reopened his eyes and grinned somewhat impishly at him.

"Can I...I mean, would you let me..." As Ianto spoke his face went from slightly flushed to completely red.

Jack quirked his eyebrows, watching Ianto's face questioningly while remaining quiet. He knew that Ianto would eventually get out whatever it was that he wanted to ask him, he just had to be patient. After a few more seconds when Ianto opened and closed his mouth several times, a look of determination came over his face. Reaching forward he yanked Jack down and covered his body with his own, thrusting his hips roughly forward. His lips met Jack's possessively, taking control and making Jack growl with the lust that suddenly consumed him. When they were both breathing heavily, Ianto pulled away and reached down to grip Jack's wrists in his hands, raising them above his head and holding him down.

"I'm going to tie you up Sir."

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Ianto grinned as Jack sucked in a deep breath of air, his irises growing so dark with lust that they all but took over the blue haze. Jack nodded his head in assent, apparently unable to respond, but still wanting to show that he approved of the idea.

It was at that nod that Ianto began to look around the room, trying to figure out exactly what he was going to use to follow through with his plan. On the one hand he didn't have to worry about getting their clothes out of the way, since they had both climbed into Jack's bed nude. On the other though, every time Jack struggled against him it was distracting. He glanced back down at Jack, releasing his wrists at the same time and climbed out of the bed. As Jack's gaze travelled up and down his body he saw something strange flicker in his eyes. It was gone as quickly as it had appeared, but it still brought back the odd behaviour Jack had been exhibiting when he first woke up.

'Whatever it is, I'll ask him later.' He thought blithely as he turned to look around the room.

Jack apparently knew what he was looking for. As he turned back Jack leaned over and opened a cabinet with a various array of items in it. He paused, his eyebrow raised in question, if not a little bit of suspicion, until Jack reached into the cupboard and pulled out a receipt and shoved it in his hands. Apparently everything in the cupboard had been purchased the day after they'd left that secret room. Chuckling lightly, Ianto knelt down and began delving around the cabinet, pulling out several different items. He saw Jack out of his peripheral vision trying to lean around him and spoke with a low warning in his voice.

"Sit back and don't make me tell you again Sir."

Ianto turned around long enough to get his point across, a brief thrill of pleasure running through him when he saw Jack shudder. Once he was certain that Jack was going to follow his order, he resumed rummaging with a soft smile on his face, pulling out a couple of fur lined cuffs and a small teardrop shaped ring, piling them carefully on the floor. He debated for a second then grabbed a blindfold before standing back onto his feet and turning to face Jack.

His smile faltered for a moment until he felt Jack's hand capture his, squeezing it reassuringly then releasing it again. Jack pulled back, sitting on the edge of the bed obediently waiting for Ianto's orders.

"Stand up and face the ladder." He said trying to sound as authoritative as he could, yet unable to shake the feeling that he sounded foolish.

The sensation disappeared as Jack hastened to do as he was told, standing up and reaching forward to grip the sides of the ladder. Ianto stood next to him and raised up the blindfold, deftly slipping it over his head. Jack gripped the bars tightly in his fists and drew in a deep breath, his whole body tensing up. He started to turn around and grab the restraints when he paused and leant forward, whispering into Jack's ear.

"Safe word Sir?"

Jack tilted his head towards Ianto's voice, his lips quirked up in a half smile as he apparently tried to think of an answer. After a moment of apparent debate, he turned towards Ianto and drew their lips together by feel alone. Ianto allowed it, but not for long. He pulled out of the kiss and pushed Jack backwards, holding him against the ladder.

"Jack?" Ianto said with warning in his voice again.

Jack started to chuckle, the sound abruptly tuning into a moan when Ianto's palm smacked lightly against his arse. His hips bucked forward uncontrollably as his cock began to harden. Ianto reached down and ran his fingertip along the top of it, smiling as he felt Jack's erection throb underneath the touch. Jack started to reach out and Ianto pulled back away from him, chuckling when Jack's arms flailed uselessly.

Jack sighed and dropped his arms turning back towards the ladder. Once he was back in the same position, Ianto took a step forward and waited patiently next to him, making certain every breath of air he exhaled moved over his bare skin, pebbling slightly.

After a moment Jack finally whispered a word softly under his breath. Ianto pulled away as soon as he heard it and turned to grab one the leather cuffs. He worked quickly and somewhat methodically as he secured Jack's wrists to the ladder. He ran his hands lightly up Jack's arms, testing the restraints and making sure he couldn't get loose, before moving to his back and running his fingertips along the muscles.

Ianto curled his fingers allowing his nails to scratch along Jack's back, being careful not to break the skin but still leaving red trails along their wake. Jack's body froze, stuttering under his touch. He moved his hands forward, wrapping them around until he had access to Jack's chest, his palm covered hard pebbled nipples. Wrapping his thumb and forefinger around each one, he twisted them lightly, fully rewarded when Jack's hips thrust back into his.

He continued teasing him, tweaking and pinching until Jack was groaning heavily, his head dropping to his chest. Ianto finally released him, running his nails down Jack's abdomen until he reached his erection to find it hard and weeping. He chuckled lightly in his ear as he grasped Jack's cock and pumped it a few times. Jack gasped at the sudden movement, his hips thrusting forward into the movement. Once he was certain he was completely distracted, he slipped the small silver ring over Jack's cock and balls.

He released Jack completely and took a step away from him, taking in the sight before him with more pleasure than he thought he should, but pleased nonetheless. He felt more laughter bubble up from his throat as Jack shifted backwards and the cock rings smooth teardrop edge rubbed against his perineum, making him gasp in pleasure. Before Jack could shift again, Ianto leant forward and growled low and hoarse into his ear.

"You don't come until I do Jack..."

Jack gasped at the words, his hips starting to shift again. Ianto's hands grasped his waist, stilling the movement before it could go far enough to allow any pleasure.

"Ianto...please..." Jack said suddenly, his voice a near whimper.

He grinned softly at the sound, keeping his hands on Jack's hips and making sure he couldn't move them. Just as Jack whimpered again he leant forward and ran his teeth along his neck, biting down and sucking hard enough to leave a small love bite. He pulled away just long enough to speak clearly and authoritatively.

"Shall we start Sir?"

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TBC

An: Seriously, don't hurt me...We all know Jack does some things without thinking them all the way through! :) Feedback appreciated, though I understand if don't have time. The story will get written either way!