A/N: Whoa. Over 600 reviews. That's pretty remarkable for any story much less one that I wrote. It's very humbling to me. I enjoy them so much. It truly makes my day and inspires me. Especially cyke93 and your awesomely long reviews. You have no idea how much you invade my mind and get my gears turning with the questions you ask. But I love everyone's insight into what I write. Its motivation to not only finish the story but to give you a story that you all deserve. You've stuck with me for nearly six years and its you who deserve the great story.
The next few chapters will all be set during the day/night of the championship game. This is I guess the climax of the story as a whole. I will try to update as often as possible but I work around 50 hours a week and I have this wonderful woman in my life who is my feisty dalmatian Emma who takes up quit a bit of my time as well. So I will do my very best. I want to have it finished by the the six year anniversary of the first chapter :)
Enjoy -A
Saints
He was sleeping peacefully again. She was grateful for that. Grateful for the reprieve of having to deal with all her jumbled feelings. They had spent the night, engulfed in each other, exploring, tantalizing, and absorbing one another. It was yet another side of Nathan he was finally showing her, one that was completely open and willing and sated in her hands.
It was early. The sun was just peeking in through the blinds, casting a series of shadows across his bare back. She kissed the tattoo on the back of his neck, wishing she could make it and all the meaning behind it go away. He stirred, only slightly, and she ran her fingers through his hair. She relished in these small moments because the juncture between the two were so seamless. It was if their whole lives they had been searching for the right outlet to plug themselves into to light up and they finally had, in each other.
She knew this was goodbye.
In him, she had found such a huge part of herself. He made her want to be strong and brave and to fight for what really mattered. She thought about asking him to come with her, be with her, and share his life with her. But she also realized that in asking him to do that, she wasn't giving him a fair chance at his own life. Once again he would be living in someone else's shadow.
"I so enjoy waking up next to you." he rasped, his torso turning to face her and pull her towards him. Her scent enveloped him completely, and he knew he would miss it soaking into his own. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her fingers playing and teasing at the edge of his boxers. "We still have school don't we?"
"Yeah." she grumbled into his chest. He pushed her tangled hair away from her face. "And you have a game tonight."
Nathan hadn't given much thought to basketball with all that had occurred the night before. For once he wanted his sole focus to be on Haley and only her. To lose himself so completely in her that all the mistakes and worry and confusion and hurt just washed away. He wasn't even sure that Whitey was going to let him play for skipping out on practice all week. He thought of Damien's words the night before and how team was family and you looked out for family. And Nathan was apart of the team, for better or for worse.
Her fingers lightly traced the cut on his lip. "I can't believe you just let him hit you."
"I deserved far worse." Nathan shrugged and smirked. "Besides, I've been hit way harder. He was angry at himself more than anyone. He knew you weren't the right person for him. He was just forcing himself to believe it."
"I don't want to fight with you anymore." she pleaded softly. He kissed he forehead. "Nathan, please. Can we just be now?"
"Haley," he started, his fingers trailing down her arm and to her back. He refused to look at her for several moments. "How can we be anything, when you're leaving in two months?"
Because I love you.
The words died in her throat. She couldn't bring herself to tell him that and trap him. The only other person who had ever told him as such was Cooper and he had died. Telling him served no point in the grand scheme of things she realized. But he had promised himself to her, even if it was only for a moment. And she would graciously take that.
"I don't know what to say." she spoke earnestly, sighing. The sunlight was flooding his small bedroom now, another indication that their time was running short.
"Tell me," he tucked more of hair behind her ear. He loved how crazy her hair got while she slept. "What are you going to major in. You can say that, right?"
She blinked back tears. "I, I don't know."
She truly didn't have a clue. She had worked for so long for just an out that she still wasn't sure what she was going to do once she got there. She had been counseled numerous times but ultimately she had accepted as undecided. It felt almost liberating to her at the time because it was the most impulsive thing she had ever done.
Up until the night she showed up on the river court.
"Hey, that's okay. You'll figure it out when you get there." he soothed. "You don't have to figure it all out now, Haley."
"We got here so fast." she cried, biting her lower lip. Her liberation almost felt suffocating now. "And now, I just. I don't have anything figured out anymore."
"Haley." he forced her to look at him. His words were strong and concise and convincing in Haley's ears. "You're going Stanford. And everything else will come along as you go on."
"You keep talking about me. What about us?"
"Was that every really a thing?" he vexed and she quickly tried to remove herself from his grasp and the hurt his words had just caused her. His grip on her never faltered and she stayed rooted.
"Nathan I'm right here! Look!" she motioned to their embrace. "What is this, if not us?"
He slid away from her as if he had been burned. He was clearly confusing and complicating things for her. She reached for him, but he got up from the bed and yanked on a pair of shorts. He saw the storms raging within her and felt like she was thinking of changing her mind. He had battled those storms himself. He wouldn't allow her to do that to herself.
"Us?" Nathan snapped painfully. She sat up, wrapping the sheet around her, and winced at his harshness. "There is me, only me, in the equation I see."
She could literally see him slamming back the walls around himself. She sank back into the bed, and didn't acknowledge his words right away. Quietly, he too mirrored her actions and did the same a few moments later. She reached for his hand resting on the bed but fully expected him to pull away from her and was surprised when not only did he allow her access, but pulled her towards him and placed her in his lap.
"I don't know what I'm doing." he murmured into her shoulder. Her hand connected to his cheek, her thumb rubbing his skin. "This scares the shit out of me."
"How about," she pulled away from and cupped his face to look at him. "we make it through today? And then we'll start over tomorrow?"
He nodded in agreement but he also knew that she was tearing away from him just as much as he was from him. For the first time they were perfectly in sync for what they wanted from each other however it seemed inevitable that what they desired and what they could actually accomplish were light years away from each other.
"We should get ready for school." he said, gingerly sliding her small body off of him and getting up. She studied him as he went around his room grabbing this shirt and those pants before he finally went to the door of the bathroom. He spun around then, pausing at the entrance. "Join me, Haley."
She marveled at the vast difference a few months made. The very same command had been made of her the first night she had spent the night with him rather flippantly and insincere and indifferent. There was earnest in his voice and to her it felt more like a plea than a request or a demand. She knew he wanted her with him and as much as she didn't want to confuse things further, she wanted to be with him too.
Unabashed, she slide out of the bed, her sheets falling behind her. She made the necessary steps towards the bathroom and glided past him in the doorway. She ran her hand across his chest as she did so and he immediately followed, snatching her waist and tugging her into his torso. He tossed her hair dangling down her back over her shoulder and kissed along her neckline.
She left his embrace to start the shower and stepped inside the steaming water. He forced the lump in his throat down, embarrassed with how nervous he was. He tiptoed into her grasp and felt more from the fervor of her touch than the water cascading over them. Months ago, he had taken her in that very shower with no qualms and no hesitation. Now she was inviting him in with her and all he could think about was he wanted to give up and give in to the whole of her skin, to the whole of her everything.
And he was crumbling.
x-X-x
Haley dropped her bag inside the foyer once she got inside her house. She slid her frame along the door and plopped down. The day had been taxing at very best and she was struggling to find the energy to make it through the rest of the evening. The people she cared most about were going to be involved in once of the biggest nights of their high school careers that evening and she had to be there to support them.
The previous night and subsequent morning with Nathan had left her lacking and clear direction or indication of what was to come next. She had watched him over the course of a last few months face, slay, and conquer most of his demons which she couldn't help but feel a sense of pride for him. But it made her feel small in comparison, and although when she was with him she felt brave, she also felt utterly defenseless.
"Haley? Is that you?" she could hear her mother puttering around the kitchen in the back of the house. She heaved herself off the floor and into the kitchen where her mother and Karen were both in a flurry around each other. "Oh thank god! We need all the help we can get."
"With what exactly?" she asked, as she slipped on an apron over her head. "Do you have a catering gig?"
"Well, sort of." Lydia responded. "This will either be celebration food if the boys win or comfort food if they lose."
Karen laughed. "They're not going to lose, Lydia. They have the best team they've had in years. Haley, you know Nathan better than anyone right? He's supposed to be pretty good, eh?"
"Sure." she choked out as her mother gave her a mysterious look. "What?"
"Nathan Scott? I didn't know you two were friends."
"I tutored him for months, Mom. You knew that."
"Hmm." Lydia grinned and winked at Karen.
"I got the buns!" Haley whirled around to the back door slamming shut and the voice fluttering through the kitchen. She sighed through her happiness because she knew the storm this was about to bring. "I had to go to four supermarkets and I'm pretty sure I cleaned out Tree Hill as a whole, but mission accomplished. Haley! My beautiful niece, you look wonderful."
"Aunt Anna, hey." she hugged her, the bags of buns going around her back with her aunt's arms. The two giggled and released each other. "What brings you in?"
"Well last I checked, my daughter was taking up residence here." she smiled tightly as if she knew what this visit was also going to bring. "And my sister said she could use the extra set of hands to feed an entire championship basketball team."
"Not champions yet." Lydia pointed out and Karen popped her with a dish towel. "Hey now!"
"Does Peyton know you're here?" Haley asked and Lydia and Anna exchanged worried glances. "Well, I'm sure she'll uh, react, to you being here."
"Oh Haley. Lydia told me that you two still aren't getting along. When are you two ever just going to bury the hatchet? You used to be so close. We couldn't separate you from each other." Anna set down the spoon she was using to mix with and chuckled. "You know, one time I got a call from Peyton's teachers because she went on an on about her 'sister' and her teacher wanted to congratulate me on my new baby. Turns out she was was raving all about Haley."
Haley heard the door shut from the front of the house and braced herself for Peyton's wrath. Peyton was smooth at keeping herself collected around her parents and most people in general, but when it came to her mother, she always erupted violently. When she was fifteen, she had visited them for the summer. It was then that she noticed the visible switch in Peyton to who she was currently. The fights that carried on between the mother and daughter were terrifying for Haley. It wasn't even fights really; it was Peyton tearing her mother apart and Anna simply taking it like she had something to be guilty of and was willingly accepting the punishment.
Anna visibly braced herself as well. Her hand clench the counter and she leaned on it for obvious support. Haley always admired Anna in her quiet strength and loving heart. She was a veterinarian and was always bringing home hurt animals to nurture back to health. Sometimes Haley wondered if she ever looked at Peyton as a wounder critter and how much that it chipped away at her that Peyton was the one she just couldn't save.
Anna bravely smiled at the woman in the kitchen and the tyrant that came into the kitchen a few moments later. "Peyton."
Peyton froze in her tracks. She was visibly torn between the reaction she wanted and the reaction she wanted to portray. Up until that point she had been painted as a misunderstood victim to her parents and paraded around as the lost daughter Lydia thought she could save. Now with everything in her view and with everyone watching, she wasn't sure what spectacle to put on.
She looked at Haley then and back to Anna before licking her lips. "What are you doing here?"
"I asked her to come." Lydia said steadily, almost daring Peyton to make a scene. While Lydia was hoping to save Peyton the way she couldn't save her own daughter, she also wasn't naïve to the heartache she had put her sister through. "Besides, you two haven't seen each other in a few months."
"That was the point." Peyton snarled, her face pinching in frustration. She had clearly lost the battle to hold it together. "I came here to escape from her. She doesn't belong here."
"Young lady." Lydia admonished, her steely gaze on Peyton. Peyton's scrutiny of her mother shifted to that of Lydia. "This is my home, that you were kindly invited to stay in. I say who is welcome here."
Anna had remained silent through the interaction as Karen and Haley had looked on. They could see the tear prickling Anna's eyes, but didn't slip out. She suddenly looked tired and defeated. "When are you going to just forgive me Peyton?"
"Forgive you?!" Peyton beseeched closing the distance between herself and her mother in three quick strides. "I idolized you! From your clear blue eyes to your long raven hair to the smile that seemingly made dad melt at the slight. " Peyton delicately picked up Anna's silky hair, twisting it around her fingers slightly. When Anna made an attempt to touch Peyton's hand, she jerked it away quickly. "You lied to me my entire fucking life."
Peyton stomped her way out the back door and into the yard. Anna choked back tears and longingly glanced out the window to her daughter. After a beat, she hastily fled out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Lydia, torn between going after her upset sister and berating Peyton stood still. Finally, Haley nudged her mother in the direction of Anna and she herself made her way to the back yard.
Haley made her way across their large back yard to were Peyton dangled on the old swing set, her feet kicking the ground below. She settled into the swing next to Peyton and began idly swinging in tandem with her. After a few moments, for the second time in the course of her day she reached for someone who she was sure was going to pull away and was still surprised when she didn't. For a moment at least they seemed to be sucked into a time wrap; back when they had connected the most.
"Do you remember trying to out jump each other?" Peyton asked after several moments of silence, ultimately breaking contact and releasing Haley's hand.
Haley snorted at the memory. "You always won because your legs were so much longer than mine."
Peyton sniffled. "Do you remember when you broke your ankle at the playground around the block?"
"You carried me on your back all the way home." Haley recalled. "You set me down on the kitchen table and wrapped my ankle in ice until my mom came home and took me to the ER. You never left my side."
Peyton nodded and stood up. She looked down at Haley, an odd mixture of sadness and anger flickering across her face. "I'm broken, Haley." she started to walk away backwards and threw her hands up in the air. "You owed me one for that day and you didn't deliver when I needed you to the most. Don't try to make up for that now. It's too late."
"Peyton wait!" Haley stumbled out of the swing as she tried to catch up to Peyton. The next words that tumbled out of her mouth stopped her dead in her tracks.
"I hear congrats are in order! I guess you're doing the same to Nathan that you did to me. That's what you do Haley. You abandon people when they need you the most. I guess we can't all be saints right?"