Confirmations.
When he was confirmed in the church, he could have cared less. He was a teenage boy with an embarrassingly little interest in religion. It was only when he was older did he realize that his Confirmation was just the real acknowledgement of his faith.
Confirmations were needed in life, for clarity, security and validation.
It is doing something blindly for months and then having it confirmed that you were doing it right…those are the things human beings desperately need, whether they voice that need or not.
And he knew that the woman he cared about needed a confirmation in a big way, that all that she had been through over the years had been worth it.
~O~
Shit, Bella cursed to herself as saw what time it was on her computer monitor. She had to be upstairs in less than a minute to be on time to the weekly staff meeting which she conducted, and her phone was ringing.
In agitation, Bella grabbed at the phone on her desk.
"Bella Swan, speaking."
"Hey Bella, its Ronnie. How's it going in your neck of the woods?"
Bella smiled at the familiar voice. "Pretty good. What can I do for you, Ronnie? I'm running a bit short on time."
"I'll make it short then. I was just calling to congratulate you on yet another book hitting the Bestseller List," he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice.
Ronnie worked exclusively with the New York Times, and was always the one to let her know if one of their publishing's made the list.
"Which one?" she asked excitedly.
"Let me see…um, Elements: Camelus's Curse by Landon Olson has made its debut."
Bella beamed. "Thank you for letting me know!"
"It is not a problem! You will see it on the list by tomorrow."
"Awesome! Bye, Ronnie."
Bella hung up the phone and simply smiled to herself for a moment. She had been somewhat stressed all day, mostly due to what was ahead of her after work.
She was going to Heller Law immediately after leaving her office, to meet with Margaret about Taylor's will. Anxious wasn't even a suitable enough word to describe what she was feeling.
Also, she hadn't told Edward.
That perhaps was the crux of anxiety. She knew she should have mentioned it to him, and resolved to talk to him if anything of importance was discovered. But, she hadn't found a way to bring it up properly, and instead told him that she had a meeting at work that would later, thus having him pick up Molly.
One of Bella's most dubious skills was her ability to lie. She was not proud of this fact, and was a source of several regrets. But she could withhold the truth with ease along with a lack of scruples when doing so. Especially as a child she had hardly felt any guilt. But now was different.
Lying to Edward left her with a guilt that she was unable to shake. She felt physically ill with him not knowing the truth, but still couldn't bring it up. Eventually, though.
Eager to share the news she had just received, Bella rushed up to the floor above hers where her employees were waiting in the conference room.
"There's the boss lady!" Angie teased as she slipped in the room where everyone was already gathered. "About time," she said with a wink.
Bella rolled her eyes.
Landon was quickly located in her gaze as she sat down her materials. She gave him a mischievous grin to which he raised an eyebrow at.
"I was late because I was just on the phone with Ronnie Howard."
Excited murmur filled the room at her announcement, as all of them knew who he was.
"Would you all join me in congratulating Landon on his first of many appearances on the bestseller list?"
Cheers erupted in the conference room as Bella's ex-boyfriend became the center of celebration. People patted his shoulders and gave him hugs at the news. Bella watched with a smile. And no regret.
Landon was awesome. He was a nice guy and very talented. But he wasn't for Bella. And both of them knew that in their hearts and neither thought any ill will towards the other.
As things started to calm back down, Landon surprised Bella by going over to her and giving her a tight hug.
"I couldn't have done it without you, ma'am."
Bella grinned at his deliberate word choice.
"You probably could have. I'm just nosy," she said, recalling how she had come to find his manuscript a year ago.
He laughed. "You say that like it's a bad thing."
Bella smiled half-heartedly before Landon returned to where he had been sitting.
She was really hoping her nosiness and secretively in other matters wouldn't be a bad thing or cause her problems…especially in her new relationship.
~O~
Bella's leg wouldn't stop tapping as she sat in the lobby of Heller Law. She hadn't been sitting for hardly three minutes, and yet, the wait felt like eternity.
She wasn't sure what she was hoping to find in talking to this attorney. But she felt there was something she needed to know that she hadn't quite discovered yet.
"Miss Swan, I presume?"
Bella looked up from where she had been staring at the floor. The woman in front of her had to be in her late 50's, and was wearing a very nice pant suit. She gave Bella a warm smile as the latter nodded.
She offered Bella her hand. "Margaret Rivers. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"You as well. Please call me Bella," she said.
Margaret nodded. "Bella then. Shall we go back to my office?"
Bella followed the attorney through a maze of hallways before they reached a beautifully furnished office which was inviting yet elegant. Margaret offered Bella the chair facing her desk before going to the other side of it.
"Let me begin by expressing my deepest condolences for the loss of your friend, even a year later." Bella nodded, biting her lip. "I attended the funeral; your eulogy was quite beautiful."
"Thank you," Bella replied shortly. She had no wish to remember Taylor's death and the dark weeks that had followed. She preferred to think of the life she had lived before her demise.
Margaret straightened a few papers on her desk before speaking. "Taylor left a letter for you, in the event of her death."
Bella's eyes widened and she nearly shot out of her chair. "What?" she asked, barely managing to keep her voice level.
Margaret pulled out a piece of paper and offered it to her.
"Shouldn't I have seen this far before now?" Bella demanded, grabbing the letter.
Margaret smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, dear. It was Taylor's wish that the letter be presented to you only if you searched for it."
Bella fought the urge to roll her eyes; whether at Taylor or Margaret, she couldn't say.
Margaret stood from behind her desk. "I will give you a moment of privacy to read it."
Bella listened until the door to the office clicked shut. Then and only then did she allow her shaky hands to raise the letter into view to read.
Dear Bella,
If you are reading this, I am so very sorry. This letter is not meant to be seen unless I am no longer on this earth.
I have struggled for a few days to find the words to write. I knew I had to leave you something, especially after what I put in my living will. I hope that particular document will never need to be used, but in life, you never know. So I am writing this in the hopes you never read this, as I plan on outliving you.
Don't roll your eyes at me.
I decided to write a will after reading a newspaper article a couple weeks ago. An entire family fell apart without a directive in case of a sudden death; the father was a mess and the grandparents wanted custody of their kids and then there was a war over the house and cats and everything…and all of this crap that will not be happening because of something stupid like me dying.
In my will, you were asked to move into the house I live in with Edward and Molly, and help them. Because they will so need it if I'm gone. I asked this of you, because I know it would be you who can get through to Edward. (Please forgive my jumping of past and present tenses, because I'm finding this weird to write, though necessary.)
You and Edward are more alike than I think the two of you have realized. If I am gone, I think only the two people that loved me the most will be able to heal each other. I worry what will happen if I am gone, but I know I have an incredibly capable best friend who would have things under control.
When Molly was born, you promised me you would always be there for her. If you're reading this…please look after my baby girl, Bella. She's going to need a mom if I'm gone. Someone to paint her nails, and read Little House on the Prairie with, someone for her to awkwardly go to when she gets her period and get her through the teen years, someone to take pictures of her at prom and cry when she graduates high school. If I can't do that, I need you to Bella.
I feel so silly writing this as I'm not terminally ill or planning on engaging in life threatening activities, but I need to know things will be alright if I'm gone, and this is giving me a peace for my wildly paranoid mind.
If I'm gone, I want you to go on with your life. You only get to seriously mourn me for like a month…two tops, because hey, I'm pretty awesome. But please, get on with your life. Do what you have to to make yourself happy. Don't revert back to the teenage years where you hated people (not that that wasn't justifiable.) Live life, and please make sure Edward and Molly do the same.
For six months that you have or are staying at the house, I want you to show Edward the love I have shown you. He will need it and so will you.
Please know that I love you, Bella, you and Edward. And please never let Molly forget how much I love that little girl.
Catch you on the flip side,
Tay
P.S. Also, let Edward know that he's allowed to live life after me as well. If he dates again, please make sure that I would at the very least like her! Don't let bitches around my daughter. Gracias!
By the time Bella had finished reading the letter, a few tears had escaped her eyes. "Catch you on the flip side." She rolled her watery eyes. How incredibly like Taylor to end with something so blasé. Also, the last word of the letter was as random as Taylor, as Lord knew that girl didn't know more than three words of Spanish.
There wasn't anything utterly life changing in the letter, but it felt so damn good to hear from Taylor. The words on the paper in front of her had filled a large hole in her heart which she had mastered hiding.
On the other hand, Bella felt validated. She had been doing her best those first few months with Edward and Molly, but had been terrified. To know that she had been doing exactly what Taylor truly wanted was gratifying and liberating.
Bella could only infer that this letter had only been written to see if Bella needed it.
It had always been there, Bella had just needed to use logic. The fact that she hadn't made a will through Watson Cullen Law should have immediately alerted her there was something.
And she had needed it.
She read over the letter once more as she wiped at the couple of tears in the corners of her eyes. Oh, Taylor.
There was a soft knock on the office door which caused Bella to turn in her seat. Margaret hesitantly popped her head around the door and assessed Bella's emotional stability. When she found this at admirable level, she entered her office and returned to sit behind her desk.
"Does this help you?" she asked softly.
Bella gave her a watery grin and nodded.
"I wished to give this to you immediately after I had heard of Ms. Daniel's death, but it would have been against her wishes to do so. I'm very sorry."
"Why did she go to you to do her will?" Bella asked. "Her husband, brother-in-law and father-in-law were all attorneys."
Margaret pursed her lips and gave the tiniest of shrugs.
"She didn't want to worry him. She told me her husband would be easily upset by her planning a will, separate than the one they had jointly."
Bella had been aware that there had been a will written in the event of both Edward and Taylor's death, but had been void with the survival of Edward.
"That's it?" she wondered.
The attorney replied, "Taylor wanted to make sure her family was taken care of in a way she knew would be effective. She worried, I believe, that her husband would have a different plan, or objections to the one she laid out. And so to my understanding she did not mention it, in the hopes that it would never have to be used."
Bella nodded, as the question to why no one knew about the will was finally answered.
"She was just protecting him from even thinking the worst."
"Taylor was a very capable young woman if I remember correctly," Margaret replied.
Bella's lips quirked up. "Indeed she was."
The little shit had everyone's lives planned out, even from the grave. Bella shook her head to herself in fondness of her late best friend.
It was the last few lines of the paper that really struck Bella the most. "If he dates again, please make sure that I would at the very least like her!"
Well Taylor, Bella thought to herself, with no small amount of irony, I'm pretty sure you'd love her.
~O~
"Did she leave anything for Edward?" Bella asked a couples minutes later.
Margaret shook her head, regret seeming to cloud her face. "Just a beautiful daughter."
"Maybe…maybe that's enough," Bella said, more to herself than anyone else.
"Did you know a high school tennis team dedicated their season to Taylor? From what I heard, they did quite well on top of that."
Bella gave her a half smile.
"Yeah," she replied, "I had heard something about that."
"What a lovely thing to do!" Margaret commented.
Bella's phone buzzed, preventing her from replying. She held up a finger apologetically to Margaret as she answered the phone, seeing that it was Edward. Margaret gestured for her to proceed and turned to her computer to give Bella the illusion of privacy.
"Hey, what's up?" she said.
"Bella," Edward said in a panicked voice, "Are you still at work?"
"I'm about to head home, why? Is everything okay?"
"I'm taking Molly to the ER," he told her in a strained voice.
Bella was immediately out of her seat and beginning to gather her things that she had set down.
"I'll leave right now. I can be there in 20 minutes. What happened?" she asked worriedly.
"We were outside and somehow a bee found Molly and she got stung. But she has a rash, and it's swollen and now she's having trouble breathing." As he spoke, he grew more and more frantic.
In the background of Edward's side, Bella could hear soft whimpers from the small toddler as Edward buckled her into her car seat, she presumed.
"I'll meet you at the hospital. It'll be alright, babe," she assured him, her heart clenching.
"Okay," he said before she heard the dial tone.
Bella wasted no time in excusing herself from Margaret's offices and thanking her distractedly for the letter and information. She exited the building and quickly made it to her truck before beginning a drive relatively short in length, yet longer than she could want.
She made it to the very same hospital that Taylor had been brought to after the accident. Her heart felt heavy as she navigated down the same path she had on the night of the accident. It took a lot of will to be able to keep walking down the hallways which she was so familiar with.
It didn't take her too long to go through security and get a pass into the Emergency Room, as Edward had left her name on a list to be admitted in. By the time she was cleared, she was nearly running to find her Molly's room.
When she found the right room, she very nearly collided with Edward who was slipping out of the room to go and search for her.
Before Bella could open her mouth and ask how Molly was doing, or even how he was doing, he pulled her tightly in his arms.
"I'm so glad you're here," he breathed against her hair, where he had nuzzled his face.
Bella gave him a tight squeeze before loosening her hold on him and giving him a moment to do the same. When he did, Bella put her hands on his cheeks and pulled him down for a soft kiss.
"Can I see her?" Bella whispered once they had moved their heads apart.
Edward seemed surprised that she would even ask. "Of course. The nurse is trying to get her leave the oxygen mask on to help with her breathing flow, but it's only making her more upset."
Bella's chest clenched for what she would see and hear inside the room.
The moment the door slid open, she heard cries so strong and so pained that her knees weakened. Molly was sitting on a hospital bed far too big for her, with the railings up on each side. A nurse was struggling to soothe her and keep the oxygen mask on her face as Molly twisted and turned against it, her face red with tears as she screamed.
Bella rushed to her.
"Perhaps she'll calm down for you," the nurse said, upon seeing Bella.
"Oh, honey bunch," Bella cried, immediately sitting down on the bed to scoop her gently in her arms. "It's okay, baby."
"Mama!" Molly cried out through her tears.
Bella tightened her hold around the toddler and rocked her slightly. "Shh, it's alright baby girl, Mama's here. You're okay, Mama's here."
Edward watched the two girls in his life in a mixture of awe and sorrow. He'd never seen his daughter in so much pain, even after receiving shots. It broke his heart that he hadn't been able to calm her down and that she was so upset. He was powerless to take the pain away from his baby girl.
Bella, however, left him in wonder. He watched as she rocked Molly softly, keeping her cradled in a hug as she whispered soothing words of comfort and hushed her cries. Miraculously, Molly began to stop twisting and pulling at the mask which was over her mouth and nose and rested her head against Bella's shoulder in resignation and yet comfort.
After minutes of continued rocking, the quiet occupants in the room watched as Molly's eyes fluttered closed.
A doctor came into the room and nodded in relief at the sight that greeted him. "She most likely will not be asleep for long, but by then, hopefully she will be able to breathe better, what with the medication we gave her."
Edward sat down on the hospital bed next to Bella and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders, the other curling around Molly as best as he could. "I just need to check her arm and see how the swelling is coming along," he explained.
Bella grimaced as she watched the doctor gingerly lift Molly's arm to examine. Where she had been stung, it was red and harshly swollen, with a rash of some sorts surrounding the arm. She bit her tongue to try and contain her emotion upon seeing it.
"It has gone down, so that's a good sign." Bella couldn't even comprehend that it had been worse. Edward kissed her temple gently, having seen her reaction.
"We'll keep an eye on the rash," he continued, "but I fully expect it to diminish as well."
"Will she have to stay the night?" Edward asked in concern and a pain that Bella felt all too clearly.
Bella leaned closer into him to show a quiet, yet heartfelt support. The slight squeeze around her shoulders told her it was not unnoticed.
"We have a few more hours before we'll have to decide. It'll depend if she can get her breathing under control," Dr. Rodgers, as it read on his name tag, said.
Bella leaned to place a kiss on Molly's soft head.
"She will. She's fighter."
Dr. Rodgers smiled at the display. "That is my wish."
"We haven't officially met. I'm Dr. Rodgers, the doctor on call tonight." Bella gave him a smile in lieu of a handshake. "And you are?"
Edward spoke before she could formulate a reply. He spoke with utmost certainty and said something that had never been certainly acknowledged yet was truthful beyond reason.
"She is Molly's mother."
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
My Wish, Rascal Flatts
AN: So there it is! Was Taylor trying to set up Edward and Bella? Not necessarily. Would she be upset with it? no, I don't think so. She wanted her kid and husband happy, whatever that means!
We'll get to Bella withholding the information from Edward soon, but try not to be too upset! And I don't think Molly's ER room is the best place for the information, either. Stay tuned!
Is Bella being really stupid? Or is she not under obligations to show Edward the letter? Did picturing Molly break your heart? Are you excited for their huge date night next chapter? Lemme know! (: