A/N: This chapter is long. I haven't covered everything I intended to cover, either. So I'll post this now, and continue on from here in the next chapter. So if it seems to be unfinished...that's because it is. :-P There will be more Mer/Der interaction coming up, but I think this update needed to happen. Thanks for reading! P.S I hope everyone enjoyed Grey's. I don't know about anyone else, but I absolutely loved 4.12!!

Meredith followed Derek up the small concrete path, dragging her feet a little more with each step. This visit was her idea. This was something she had chosen to do, something she had volunteered for. She didn't have to be here. If she wanted to she could turn around and leave. The problem was that she was torn, unable to decide whether this was what she should be doing or not. Indecision weighed heavily inside her, conflicting her.

"Meredith." Derek said quietly, stopping suddenly.

"What?" She replied, jerking herself out of her thoughts.

"You said that not talking to her was something you regretted." He reminded her gently, caressing the hand he held clasped in his.

"I know."

"Then why do you keep tugging me?" He asked, tilting his head as he watched her closely.

"I'm not." She argued.

"Mer, I've had to drag you for the last few steps." Derek pointed out. "Do you want to do this?"

"I...I don't know." Meredith said quietly, staring down at her shoes. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"What are you afraid of?" Derek prodded softly, frowning as he took in her nervous posture, her worried demeanor.

Meredith raised her head. "I'm not afraid."

"Then why are we standing here?" Derek questioned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Because you stopped me." Meredith replied quickly, briefly leaning her head into his touch as his hand lingered on her cheek.

"Mer..."

"I'm fine. I'm good. Truly. Totally fine. Great. I'm great." Meredith interrupted, nodding at the end of each stilted sentence. "Completely and utterly fine. Perfect. Fine."

"I can tell." Derek drawled out though his eyes narrowed slightly. "Considering you've said the word 'fine' four times in the last 10 seconds."

"I want to do this. I do." Meredith sighed.

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" Derek asked softly.

"Maybe a bit of both." Meredith admitted, turning to face the small house in front of them.

The house was small and cosy in appearance, the pot plants dotted around the front of the house giving it a welcoming look. It looked friendly, which was crazy. Houses were only houses. It was families that made then friendly, families that made a house a home. The Shepherds had a home. Meredith had lived in a house. There was a huge difference between the two, a difference she had noticed the minute she had stepped inside Derek's home. It was just the way things were, or the way things had been, they way they had become once Thatcher left. But it didn't have to be the way things stayed. Ida was family, real family. Meredith knew she had a chance for a family if she was only willing to take the leap of faith that things would work themselves out. She wished that she hadn't run. She wished that she had had the courage to stay and talk things out with Ida, but it had hurt too much. Standing there listening to some stranger give her news about her family had been a type of pain she never wanted to feel again. Her feet had needed to run, it was an automatic response. When it came down to it, her fight or flight response was heavily weighted towards flight. Or it had been. Now she wanted to fight for what she wanted, she wanted to prove to herself and to everyone else that she could do it. She could have the family, and the kids, and the guy. She could have it all, but it was up to her to grab it. Life had never exactly dropped things in her lap, she had always had to work at what she had. Life gave her lemons, but she was determined to make lemonade. Or at least that was the plan.

"We can't stand out here all day." Derek murmured.

"Right. I know. That. I know that. I'm ready." Meredith responded automatically.

"Okay. So let's do this." Derek smiled, leading her with sure, firm steps towards the house and standing back as Meredith approached the door, leaving the final decision up to her.

Meredith's finger hovered over the doorbell for a moment before she made her decision, pressing the small red button before stepping back into the comforting circle of Derek's arms. He slung his arm around her shoulder, drawing her closer to his side as they waited, kissing her quickly on the top of her head.

Meredith heard the lock click as it was released, and then the door opened slowly.

"Meredith!" Ida said in surprise, leaning heavily on her cane as she took in the couple standing in front of her. "You're here."

"I...yeah. I hope that's okay." Meredith said quickly. "I wasn't sure if..."

"Oh no dear, come in." Ida replied instantly, her eyes lighting up with pleasure, though there was uncertainty lurking in their sea-green depths.

"Thank you." Meredith murmured, Derek's arm dropping away from her as she stepped into the house, leaving him to follow her.

"You can hang your coats up there if you like." Ida informed them, gesturing towards a coat rack in the corner by the door.

Derek slipped off his own jacket and hung it over his arm before turning to help Meredith out of her coat, pulling it gently down over her shoulders. Meredith glanced behind and smiled, her eyes bright as he smiled warmly in response.

Ida was watching them closely, her gaze thoughtful as she took in the soft, secret smiles.

Derek pulled his gaze away from Meredith, giving her a small, barely noticeable wink before he turned to hang their clothing up on the wooden, antique coat rack. It stood a little over 6 feet high, made of a dark, almost black wood. But what intrigued him the most were the long, claws that proceeded out of it, replacing what would normally be a hook. It was certainly unique, albeit a little creepy. It didn't seem to match the rest of the house, or at least the little bit that Derek could see. The walls of Ida's home were a soft cream, the thick, plush carpet also cream, with large, patterned rugs running the length of the hallway. Navy blue curtains framed the windows, with gold ties keeping them in place. The house had a warm feel to it, with nick knacks placed haphazardly around the place, mementos she had collected over the years, though strangely there was still a kind of order to them.

Derek gave the claws one more curious look before following Ida and Meredith into the sitting room. He waited for Ida to settle herself into her armchair before he took a seat on the sofa beside Meredith, automatically lacing his fingers through hers.

"Would either of you care for some tea? Coffee?" Ida asked suddenly, starting to stand. "I was about to make one when the door bell rang."

"I'll get it." Meredith jumped in, standing up. "Just point me to the kitchen."

"No, no dear. I'm capable of making it." Ida protested as Meredith walked the few steps towards her.

"I know." Meredith said quietly. "But so am I."

"I see you inherited my stubbornness." Ida smiled.

"I'd say that's a definite possibility." Derek grinned, moving to stand. "Mer, I'll give you a hand."

"It's okay, I'll be back in a minute." Meredith assured him.

"Mer...kitchen." Derek said softly, raising his eyebrow and staring at her.

"I can make a cup of tea, Derek." Meredith retorted.

Ida watched the exchange in amusement, her head turning back and forward between the two.

"Ida? How do you have yours?" Meredith asked, pretending she didn't hear Derek's chuckle.

Ida ignored the brief stab in her heart at the lack of the term 'Grandma' and smiled slightly. "Weak black tea please, Meredith. No sugar. The kitchen's through the door and to your left. The teabags are in the cupboard beside the window."

"Alright. Derek?" Meredith asked.

"Water's fine for me, Mer."

Meredith nodded, walking from the room and taking a deep breath. She leaned back against the wall, giving herself a moment before she headed to the kitchen. She needed time to collect her thoughts, and making drinks gave her that opportunity. She was freaking out a little bit, completely unsure about what she wanted to say. She had questions that needed answers but she didn't know how to ask them. Telling Thatcher exactly what she thought of him had been surprisingly easy once she got going. But Ida was different. Ida hadn't influenced her life for years, simply because Meredith had forgotten that she existed. Meredith wasn't entirely sure how to bring the subject up. She wanted to know about George. She wanted to know what he was like. She wanted to know why Ida had been content to forget her when it seemed that she had enjoyed spending time with her when she was little. Meredith sighed, her chest rising and falling before she pushed away from the wall and walked down the hall towards the kitchen.

The kitchen was spotless, not a single thing out of place. Even the magnets on the refrigerator were perfectly even, set out in neat, straight lines. But it was the picture stuck to the door that held her attention. Or rather, two pictures. Both pictures curled up at the edges, the photos creased as though they had been handled a lot, as though someone picked them up and stared at them on a regular basis. The first picture was of a brown-haired boy of about 9 or 10, sitting on a swing with an ice cream in his hand. He was smiling at the camera, a goofy sort of look on his face. His hair was sticking up all over the place, none of it seeming to go in the same direction. The next was a picture of her, the first day she started kindergarten. She was 5 years old, her blonde hair pulled up into pigtails, her smile showing off the gap in her teeth. Meredith felt a reluctant smile grace her lips as she stared at the pictures. Her and George. That had to be him. He looked a lot like Thatcher. It was her and her brother, she'd guarantee it. There they were side by side, right there next to each other. It seemed such a silly thing to notice, something so simple and normal. But for Meredith it gave her the boost she needed, the confidence she had been looking for. They were both there, on the fridge, in plain sight of anyone who walked it. Ida had given them both the same importance. Both of them. Equal status. For now, that thought was enough.

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"Can I ask you something?" Derek asked Ida, crossing his foot over his ankle.

"Of course." She said simply, patting her hair.

"Where did you get the coat rack?" He asked quizzically.

Ida laughed, giving her head a little shake. "Hideous, isn't it."

"Oh, I wouldn't have said that..." Derek said quickly.

"Oh come now, Derek. I hate the thing. I've always hated it." She smiled. "You're hardly going to hurt my feelings."

"In that case...yes, it is." Derek admitted. "It's...menacing."

"It was a gift from my mother-in-law. She seemed to love it, and my husband...well, he didn't want to offend her by not using it. It's been there for years. She always seemed to give us things that she deemed to be exotic or original. I think I've hated everything she ever gave us, including the two huge dog sculptures that she had made especially for our front steps."

"You could get rid of it, you know." Derek reminded her.

"You know, it's actually grown on me. It reminds me of my Harry every time I see it." She replied with a soft smile. "I still hate it, but it brings back memories."

"Harry?"

"My husband. He died 20 years ago this coming January."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Derek murmured.

"Nonsense." Ida scoffed. "I came to terms with it years ago."

"Did Meredith ever meet him?" Derek asked curiously.

"Yes." Ida murmured. "He saw her a lot when she was a baby, and up until she was three or four we came every year. He couldn't travel often once he got sick."

Derek nodded. "So how did you get out of using the dog sculptures?"

"They scared the living daylights out of our cats, so we gave them back to her." Ida replied, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

"Did they really?" Derek asked suspiciously.

"No, but she wasn't to know that." Ida grinned, the corners of her aged eyes wrinkling in amusement. "In fact, we didn't have cats when we told her that."

Derek laughed, his eyes dancing. "So you lied."

"Sometimes a lie is kinder than the truth." Ida answered. "Then again, more often than not they do irreparable damage."

Derek felt the smile falter slightly before he murmured a reply. "True."

He was living his own lie at the moment. Perhaps it was one of those moments when a lie was kinder than the truth, but he was beginning to wonder if that was the case, and whether Meredith would view it that way.

"I'm surprised she came." Ida was saying quietly, giving a little sigh. "Considering the secret we have been keeping from her. The lies we've told."

"It was her idea to come, actually." Derek informed her, giving her a sympathetic smile.

"Oh!" Ida said in surprise. "I really didn't think she would."

"She's worried you're mad at her." Derek replied, shaking his head. "For running."

Ida gave an ironic laugh, the sound harsh and bitter. "Oh, I'm not mad at her. I rather think she is mad at me."

"She just doesn't understand." Derek reminded her. "Trust me, you won't find someone more loyal than Mer. Or more forgiving."

"There are some things a child should never have to forgive." Ida said slowly. "I listened to my son, I listened to her mother. I never listened to myself. I should have, Derek. Regret doesn't feel good in an old body. I've carried it for too long."

"Here you go." Meredith called suddenly, walking slowly into the room, carefully balancing two glasses of water and a cup of tea on a tray.

"Is the kitchen still intact?" Derek asked cheekily, though giving Ida a mildly worried look.

"Of course." Meredith said indignantly, handing Ida her tea.

"Thank you dear." Ida said smiling. "Is there a reason I should be worried about my kitchen?"

"No." Meredith replied, handing Derek his water.

"Yes." Derek countered with a grin.

Meredith shot him a look of exasperation before she sat down beside him, her glass clutched in her hand.

"You're thinking about throwing that water at me, aren't you?" Derek murmured in her ear, his breath tickling her cheek and making her shiver.

"I considered it." Meredith muttered. "But I don't want to ruin her furniture."

"Don't hold back on my account." Ida sang out sweetly. "I've thrown many a glass of water over the years."

"You know, I believe you." Derek laughed, nudging Meredith with his shoulder and feeling her reciprocate the gesture.

Meredith glanced at Derek, opening her mouth to speak as his phone rung, the sharp trill plummeting the room into silence. Derek groaned inwardly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone, staring down at the screen. 'Martin' flashed repeatedly at him, demanding that he answer it. Tension was rolling off Meredith in waves now, the realization that she would have to face Ida on her own hitting her suddenly. She begged him with her eyes to ignore it, and he very nearly did, the plea almost too much for him to resist.

"I have to take this." He murmured apologetically, glancing towards Ida and then back to the woman sitting stiffly beside him. "I'm sorry. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Meredith nodded, squeezing her hands together as he reached over and placed his water on the coffee table before he stood up and walked quickly from the room, giving her an encouraging smile as he disappeared out of sight. Meredith felt her courage begin to slip, Derek's absence increasing her nerves. She heard the front door open and then close behind him.

"You seem different." Ida mused quietly, taking a sip of her tea.

"I do?" Meredith frowned.

"Yes. In fact, you both seem different." Ida remarked, her eyes taking in every movement from the sofa. Something was different, yet she couldn't quite put her finger on whatever it was that had changed. But something definitely had, it radiated out of Meredith, despite her nervous appearance of the moment.

"Oh." Meredith said lamely, unsure of what she could really say to that.

"I would go so far as to say you found what you were looking for." Ida said shrewdly.

"What I was looking for?" Meredith repeated, frowning. "I...I don't think I was looking for anything."

"Sometimes things find us anyway." Ida said with a small smile.

"I suppose they do." Meredith replied. "Your home is lovely."

"Thank you." Ida murmured, taking another sip of her tea, accepting the change in subject as she prepared for one of her own.

Ida was nervous. She was the most nervous she had ever been in all her 73 years, and that included her wedding day. She knew this day would come eventually, or at least she hoped it would. At some point she had wanted the chance to explain herself, the chance to explain her actions over the years. What she had said to Derek was true. Twenty years was a long time to carry around a load of regret, especially when it grew heavier with every year that passed. Now Meredith was sitting in front of her, willingly sitting before her, and the urge to explain herself to the child she had left behind was getting more and more intense. Ida had been so afraid that when Meredith had run away that she wasn't just running from her father, but she was also running from her. Ida had thought that would be the last time she would see her grand-daughter, yet here she was, sitting on the sofa. It was more than she had hoped she would get, and she was going to make the most of the time she had been given.

"Meredith." Ida sighed, placing her tea cup in her lap and pinning Meredith with a brilliant stare. "We both know why you are here and it's not to discuss my home. We might as well confront that now."

"Oh! I...I do have questions." Meredith admitted slowly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You want to know why I left you." Ida stated matter-of factly. "There are things you need to understand, Meredith. It wasn't just a simple matter of me leaving you. It was...complicated."

"Complicated how?" Meredith asked, lifting her legs from off the floor and tucking them underneath her, her posture casual when she felt anything but.

"Do you remember your grandfather at all?" Ida asked, sliding her finger around the edge of her teacup.

Meredith frowned. "No...I...I don't think so."

"Hmmm." Ida murmured. "He passed away the year you turned 6, about a month before your father left."

"Oh. I'm...I'm sorry." Meredith replied softly, watching the sadness that seemed to settle on Ida's shoulders.

"I'm not telling you this to gain your sympathy, Meredith. I've dealt with his death, and made my peace with it years ago. But you never forget the one you loved, not if you loved them the way I loved Harry. I'm telling you this so that maybe it will help you try to understand. The night your father rang to tell me that he was going to be a father again...well, I was thrilled. Harry had just died and Thatcher and you were in Seattle, I was in New York. I was lonely. The idea that I was going to be a grandmother again, well, it filled a void. Not completely, but it helped. I naturally assumed that it was your mother who was pregnant, but as you know that wasn't the case."

Meredith took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second as she listened closely.

"Thatcher told me about Louise, George's mother. I was devastated, Meredith. I don't believe in divorce, and I definitely do not condone adultery. I've never been so angry or disappointed in my son. Ever. But your father loved Louise. If you believe anything, believe that. And he and your mother had had issues for a long time."

"Please don't blame my mother." Meredith bit out, her eyes misting as the loyalty Derek spoke so highly of reared its head. "She may not have been perfect, and she may have been...cold...at times, but she stayed. She did the best she knew how. That's all anybody can do."

"Oh Meredith, I'm not trying to blame your mother. In all of this, my family have treated both her and you abominably. If I could take back all that happened, I would."

"But then you wouldn't have George." Meredith murmured.

"No. I wouldn't have George." Ida agreed softly. "You'll like him, Meredith, if you give him the chance. He got his sweetness from his mother. He can be a klutz, he's awkward...but he has good intentions. He'd like you."

"He doesn't even know about me." Meredith stated coolly.

"No, he doesn't." Ida agreed, shaking her head. "It's one of the many things your father and I have argued about over the years. He felt it was easier to let you both live in ignorance, while I wanted to tell you. That's a large part of the reason I left you, Meredith. Your father knew I wanted to tell you. He knew that I wanted my only grandchildren to meet, but he didn't want that. With Harry dead, Thatcher and you were all I had left. I could only have the one child, though it broke my heart that I couldn't give my husband the big family he wanted. I was risking my son if I pushed too hard. And then your mother gave him an ultimatum."

"George or me." Meredith nodded, her heart clenching a little.

"Yes." Ida agreed. "She told him it was all or nothing."

"He chose nothing." Meredith said flatly.

"He chose for both of us, Meredith." Ida said quietly, shifting in her armchair. "His decision that night was not only meant for him."

"What?" Meredith asked, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

"Your mother didn't want anything to do with our family after he left. I understand her reaction, I know why she made that decision...but it cut me out of your life. Thatcher left you in her care, the decision was hers and she wanted no part of anything that had to do with my son."

"So my mother is the reason you left." Meredith stated as the tears built up in her eyes.

"No." Ida shook her head swiftly. "In part she was, but no, not completely. She can't take the blame for something I did, Meredith. There has been too much shifting of blame already."

"I...I don't understand." Meredith shook her head as if to clear it, a lone tear falling down her cheek.

"My husband was dead. My son had left his wife. My world was falling apart. I'll regret it till the day I die, but I chose the easy option, Meredith. Things were already complicated, and I couldn't deal with any more. Not then. Not without Harry. I gave in and let Thatcher have his way. I never pushed to see you, I never made that extra effort. I just let you go." Ida ended on a whisper, regret evident in every word she spoke. "The fault is mine, and mine alone."

Meredith said nothing, sitting in utter silence as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry. What I did, I have no excuse for it. I've lived with the regret of my actions for a long time." Ida breathed out, her face pale as she waited for a reaction from the mute woman sitting in front of her. "I've missed you and wondered about you every day since I last saw you."

Meredith sat there as she allowed the words to sink in. She thought back to the two photos that had meant so much to her when she had seem them, proof that Ida really hadn't forgotten about her, the edges of the photo ragged with age and excess handling. It was easier to forgive someone who actually regretted the decisions they had made, something Thatcher didn't seem to feel. He kept telling her that it wasn't easy, but not once had he apologized, not once had he even admitted that he might have been wrong, that he could have fought harder. But Ida was begging her, her eyes pleading with her to at least have some understanding of the choices she had made and how much she wished she could change them. The crazy thing was that Meredith did understand. While part of her was angry to think she had missed out on so much growing up, the unfairness of it all weighing on her, a bigger part of her realized how Ida must have felt.

"It's...it's okay." Meredith said softly, wiping away the tears. "I just wanted to understand."

"It's not okay, Meredith. At all. I should have forced contact with you sooner." Ida replied, blinking back tears of her own. "Only I didn't want to hear you say you could never forgive me."

"Okay, maybe it isn't okay. But I do understand or...whatever. I don't want to hold on to it anymore." Meredith sighed. "I just needed to know why."

"So you came to Seattle for answers." Ida nodded slightly, her eyes glassy. "Did you get what you came for?"

Meredith fell silent for a moment as she contemplated the question. She had come for answers but she would be leaving Seattle with so much more than that. She had gained her life back, managing to say things to her supposed father that she had never thought possible. She had a family in Ida that she had never thought she could have, and even in George, if he wanted to be in her life. She was even leaving with Alex and Izzie, two people she never would have met if she had torn up that gold envelope like she had intended to do. But most importantly she was leaving with Derek. He had been there at the start, he had loved her despite her issues, despite everything. They would leave Seattle even closer than when they had arrived.

Meredith felt her face break out into a broad smile, her eyes shining as she nodded. "Yes. And then some."