Chapter Thirty-Six: Woozy Thoughts

Kili was giving it an honest effort not to pass out from all the pain. He knew he had no right to do so, considering how much trouble he had already caused, so he resigned himself to suffer through it. He couldn't help but think that he was heading towards the same direction as the dead fish, but he tried to ignore such morbid thoughts. It helped him to focus on other things; such as when he would be able to get out his barrel, or how his mother would react if she caught him and Fili smelling so bad. He mostly thought about Emelia, though, if he was being truly honest with himself.

He didn't try to deny it as much as he had in the past.

Kili could just barely make out the sound of her voice through the fish. She was laughing at something. It was the tinkling sort of laugh that she used to use all the time. He smiled to himself at the sound for a moment until he realized what, or who in this case, was making her laugh.

He supposed he shouldn't be all that surprised that he had taken such a disliking to the bargeman so quickly after he had met him. He had always been told that he was a bit too quick to judge someone. Emelia was the most recent in a long line of snap judgments. She turned out to be a rather pleasant surprise, however. Kili didn't think Bard would be nearly as much of a pleasant surprise as Emelia. In fact, he would more than likely be anything but if the way he was talking to Emelia was any indication.

She laughed again. It was a girlish giggle this time accompanied by a much deeper laugh that set Kili's teeth on edge.

He wasn't all that surprised that Bard was charmed by Emelia.

She was too damn charming for her own good. It had only taken him half a moment to realize that as soon as he stopped being stubborn in regards to her. He could just picture her blushing at something the bargeman said, while Kili sat there in a pile of never-ending fish. He squeezed his hand around one of the fish, hardly noticing as it began to squish between his fingers.

It was practically pulverized when Emelia laughed again.

He wasn't entirely sure where these sorts of emotions were coming from. He remembered not so long ago wanting nothing more than to be away from her. He had thought her hair was too red, and her mouth too loud, and her personality too abrasive. Kili liked her hair now, and everything she said, loud or not, and her personality was something that he appreciated more and more every moment he spent with her. It shouldn't be out of the realm of possibilities that Bard would appreciate those things about her as well. She was beautiful, in more ways than one, and had the inane ability to make everyone around her realize it without even trying. She didn't try to push her hair out of her face in the undeniably adorable way that Kili had come to pay way to much attention to over the last couple of months. It seemed to be a charming quirk of her's. She was a wonderful hugger, even though that was the sort of thing that Kili hadn't realized was important in a person, and knew exactly when someone needed to talk and when someone needed to sit in peace.

"How much longer do they have to be in there?" Emelia somehow managed to ask between giggles. "Fish scales can't be good for Kili's leg." He tried to smile at the fact that she hadn't entirely forgotten about him before he realized that it let in the fish taste in full.

"We will soon be at the toll gate."

Kili was distracted by a sudden flair of pain in his leg for a moment, causing him to reach his hand down to squeeze the wound. He was too distracted to notice the hand that reached into the barrel, digging around until it made contact with the top of his head. It was small and feminine so Kili instantly knew that it wasn't Bard, not that he would have thought the bargeman would even think about such a thing.

Her hand groped around until it came in contact with his face. She pinched his nose.

"Emelia." Kili hissed, gagging slightly when the fish taste flooded his mouth.

"Hi." Her hand traveled down his face until it came to rest just below his chin. "Sorry for being so grabby. I just wanted to see how you're doing. Your leg hasn't gone gangrene has it? It's still attached?"

"I think so. It's hard to tell what's me and what's fish at this point."

"If you start to get woozy thoughts, real or otherwise, let me know."

"How?"

"Make fish noises."

"These fish are dead."

She was silent for a moment, taking the time to tap his cheek as she thought how to respond in what he knew would be a witty way.

"What noise does a dead fish make?"

"I am currently surrounded by them and the only noise they are making is the sound of decay."

"Well," She paused, falling silent for a moment. "Make that noise."

"I will do my absolute best."

She laughed again, this time at something he had said. Warmth pooled in his abdomen at the thought. Her hand brushed against the side of his chin as she pulled it out of the barrel. If she kept grabbing his face like that he couldn't help but think that he would start to get woozy thoughts, real or otherwise, whether he wanted them or not.

"Emelia, we are approaching the toll gate."

She left him at that point. Once her hands were gone he found he instantly missed them. Or perhaps he missed her, even though she was still on the same boat as him. She was only a few feet from him, but he wished she could be closer. He surprised himself at those thoughts. He had spent weeks on end keeping them out of his mind, fighting them off like they were some sort of disease. He knew it was ridiculous of him to think that he could keep Emelia from worming her way in. It was inevitable.

Bard's voice cut across his thoughts, followed by a throaty laugh from Emelia. Bard quickly shushed her, causing her to giggle quietly to herself until she was able to get herself under control. The sound of Bard speaking to her in an amused voice all of the confusing thoughts about Emelia and her laugh, and everything else about her, evaporate, only to be replaced with annoyance at the bargeman.

Kili squeezed another fish in his hand until it was mush.

Emelia had to tell herself repeatedly to not make a face whenever the dwarves came out of their barrels. She knew they would smell disgusting, but she didn't think it would be fair to them to point it out. Besides, she knew they would be well aware of how they smelled. Everyone within a hundred would be aware of how they smelled, for that matter. There was also the added indignity of them all popping up into Bard's house through the toilet that kept her quiet. The looks that Dwalin, Gloin, and Thorin were shooting at Bard and his three children sealed the deal for her in keeping her mouth shut.

She chose to set quietly by the window as Bard passed out clothes to the ungrateful dwarves. She noticed that the children kept looking at her when they weren't too busy looking at the dwarves. The house smelled mildewy and that, combined with the atrocious smell coming from the dwarves, made her stomach feel disgusting. It didn't help that she had noticed the large amount of fish guts sticking to Kili when he had decided to find her shortly after surfacing from the toilet, which was really nothing more than a hole cut above the lake the town sat on. The toilet was something she tried not to think about too much as well.

She peeked out the window, pushing back the threadbare curtain to get a better look at the small town. It looked like a sea village that was dilapidated to the point of almost impoverished levels. Bard had seemed very serious about the people needing the fish that they had hidden the dwarves in. Now that she was better able to see the town she could understand why. The houses were ramshackle, at best, and the walkways looked as if they were being held together with nothing more than twine and a little bit of hope. She wondered, looking at the houses and the overall lack of money in the town, why Bard would offer up his home, however reluctant or not, to a group of fifteen people, thirteen of which acted as if Bard was snot incarnate and one of which was currently sneezing into his soup. And then there was her. She liked the think that she was pretty clever for claiming that she was Bard's long lost cousin, but he didn't seem so impressed.

Maybe it was because he knew she was more partial to dwarves than humans, as of late, and therefore could be as trusted as the dwarves.

"Why don't you have a beard?"

Emelia looked away from the window and down to the little girl who had spoken, Tilda, Bard had called her. She was pretty with her almost blonde hair and large blue eyes that matched her sister's.

"Why don't you?"

"Mortal girls do not grow beards." Tilda sounded offended at the question. Emelia scooted away from the window. The dwarves were too busy fighting over the clothes that Bard had provided to notice Emelia and Tilda.

"That's why I don't have one, either." She leaned down to speak conspiratorially. "Although, between you and me, I don't think either of us have the face for it."

"She isn't a dwarf, Tilda." The older girl, Sigrid, seemed displeased to see her younger sister speaking to someone as odd as Emelia, despite the fact that they were, 'cousins'. "Apparently, she's a distant cousin of ours."

"Really?" Emelia was surprised that Bard had decided to keep the fact that she wasn't related to them, at all in the slightest, from his children. She realized that, given how young they were and how precarious the situation was with the dwarves, that it was for the best. "I didn't know we had cousins."

"Surprise." Emelia said, slightly sarcastic even though she didn't want to be. "I'm Emelia, just in case you were wondering."

"I like that."

"Me too, kid." Kili, accompanied by a very ridiculously dressed Fili and Ori, sat down on the window seat next to Emelia. "She's said it enough times over the last couple of months that being fond of it is practically unavoidable."

"No one asked you."

"No one had to." Kili said with a cheeky grin. It was nice to see that the fish hadn't dampened his spirits. His leg was freshly bandaged, although Emelia didn't think it was doing the job. He was getting increasingly paler as time went on, even though he refused to acknowledge it. He had dark circles under his eyes and his lips were slightly discolored and chapped. Her eyes trailed down to his hands, taking note of the fact that there was blood underneath his fingernails that she had no doubt came from his own leg.

"Why are your hands dirtier than everyone else's?" She picked up his hand gingerly, holding it aloft by just the pinky. "Did you use a fish as a stress ball?"

"Apparently, he wasn't too fond of the way the men in this town deigned to speak to you." Fili said, sparing Emelia the need for an explanation from his brother.

"Bard is my cousin so there's no funny business there."

"How is it that a cousin of ours came to be with a group of dwarves?" Sigrid asked, although Emelia unintentionally ignored the question.

"Alfrid was a creep, but that barely lasted a moment."

"A moment that was long enough for you to agree to dinner with the Master of this town." Fili reminded her.

"That somehow keeps happening to me." She said, thinking of Thranduil. She wouldn't have gone if she had had another option. Alfrid had made it clear that he was watching them. She thought it would be best that she did whatever he asked, including going to dinner with the Master. She hoped that they would leave before that happened, but judging by the state of the sickly Bilbo and the lack of suitable weapons and clothing for the dwarves, she didn't think she would be so lucky.

"You were asked to join the Master for dinner?" Tilda asked, stepping closer to Emelia and the three dwarves.

"Apparently. Is he as ," She thought about the best word to use. "As intrusive as he sounds?"

"Worse." Sigrid answered, although she seemed to regret speaking out almost as soon as she said it. Emelia eyed the way she avoided looking at them after she had spoken. She glanced over at her brother, Bain, who had stationed himself by the door to wait for their father to return from whatever he was doing.

"How old are you?" Emelia asked Sigrid and Tilda.

"I am seventeen and Tilda is eight."

"I have a brother who is eight." Emelia said, smiling slightly when she thought of Eddie.

"We have another cousin?" Tilda smiled even brighter. "This is so exciting. Thirteen Dwarves, a hobbit, and two new cousins all in one day."

"Try to contain yourself, Tilda." Bain said quietly from the door. He seemed to like them as much as Sigrid, although she had the decency to downplay it.

"Bain, why don't you come join us?" Emelia tried to smile at him and appear as if she cared about him like he was family, although she couldn't help but think it wasn't really working on anyone but Tilda. "We can scooch so there's room for you. We can double up. Kili hop on Fili's lap." She tapped Kili's uninjured leg with one hand while gesturing to his brother.

"Absolutely not." Fili and Kili said at the same time, causing Emelia and Ori to exchange a knowing look. Emelia realized, a little too late, that that was the first time Ori had attempted to make eye contact with her since the incident with the orcs. He realized at just about the same time as her and quickly looked away.

"Fine. I was only thinking about being accommodating. Geez." Emelia winked at them.

"Will your father be back soon?" Ori asked, tactfully steering the conversation in a new direction.

"He is waiting for the guards to change before he brings the weapons in." Bain said, folding his arms over his chest. He looked at all the dwarves milling about in his home, eyeing each other them before his gaze finally settled on Dwalin. The dwarf in question shot a glare at him that made Bain look away quickly. Emelia couldn't blame him. Dwalin's looks could curdle milk.

"Well, I don't want to be needy, or anything, but do you happen to have some extra clothes for me?" Emelia asked, standing up. She slid in in front of Dwalin, blocking him off from glaring at Bain any more. "I mean, they all got some snappy new clothes…"

"Sigrid has some dresses that will look wonderful on you." Tilda took Emelia's hand and pulled her towards the small room in the corner before either Emelia or Sigrid could protest. Emelia had meant that she would borrow some of the clothes from the same pile that the dwarves had taken from, but Tilda thought differently.

Emelia shot a glance over at the dwarves, making special note to smile at Kili just for the hell of it, before Tilda shut the door behind them with a snap.

"I don't really think that color suits you." Tilda said, reaching out small hands to adjust the top. It was of the same style that Sigrid wore, although Emelia couldn't help but think it looked better on the tall blonde, as most things tended to do with blondes in general. "Sigrid has a darker complexion than you. Perhaps we will try this blue one?"

When she said 'we' Emelia knew that she meant her. Emelia thought, in that moment, that she was nothing more than a glorified Barbie. Tilda seemed to like dressing her up enough.

Emelia didn't mind though. She liked Tilda. She thought she reminded her of Eddie, in a small female form with less obnoxious hair. Tilda was fascinated with everything Emelia said, which boosted her ego, and wanted to hear about Emelia. Eddie had done that all the time. Emelia felt slightly bad for spending most of her time with Tilda, when there was so much excitement happening in the other room concerning the weapons, or lack thereof according to the dwarves. She had briefly tried to join them before the shouting had started. She quickly realized that Tilda was better company than the dwarves when they were in one of their moods. Even Sigrid had decided to join them once it sounded like things might come to physical blows.

"I didn't know we had any redheads in our family." Sigrid mused, holding up one of her shirts in front of her from her spot on the shared bed.

"I didn't know I had any blondes. New experiences all around, I guess." Emelia said, lifting up the skirt to look at the thick socks she had been given to borrow. Her boots sat in the corner, causing her to glance at them every once and a while. It made her nervous to have them off her feet, but she decided to suffer through it based solely on respecting Bard's home.

"It is oddly quiet out there; you don't think they've started hurting each other do you?" Tilda asked, moving over to peek out of her door.

"No. There would be more crying." Emelia said, finally deciding that there wasn't a good outfit option that fit both her hair and her complexion. "Dwarves can be so emotional."

Both girls laughed at that.

"They seem to like you quite a bit. The dark haired one especially. And the blonde one, the handsome one, he smiles a lot when he is around you." Sigrid mused. Emelia noticed that the sour tone she had used earlier had all but disappeared. Emelia imagined the shock had worn off.

"I like them too. The dark haired one especially, although the blonde is pretty great too." Emelia slipped the blue over shirt over the plain cream one. She looked down at it for a moment before she realized that she really didn't care. They were clean and smelled nice, instantly making them wonderful regardless of how they looked on her.

"The blue looks nice."

There was a knock on the door that stopped Emelia for thanking Sigrid. She was being very nice to let Emelia wear her clothes, even if she didn't want to. She was being even nicer to let Emelia bunk with them for the night, even though it would be horribly awkward for all involved. Emelia had the inkling that Tilda might be a spooner.

Bard poked his head into the room once Tilda opened it for him with a smile. She forced the door to open further and wrapped her arms around his stomach. He smiled ever so slightly and bent down to place a kiss on his head. Sigrid sat up straighter on the bed while Emelia stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, smoothing down the borrowed skirt.

"It's time for bed, girls." Bard closed the door behind him. Tilda immediately moved towards the small bureau to get her nightgown. Sigrid did as well, leaving Emelia wondering what she should do. Bard answered her question for her by beckoning her over with a hand. He moved so that his daughters would not be able to overhear them, although Emelia thought that would be impossible considering the size of the room. "Your companions will be sleeping the main room for the night. There is enough room in here for you to sleep, although it might be a tad uncomfortable."

"It's fine." Emelia had decided she really like Bard. He was grim, but she could tell it wasn't without cause. He had even joked with her while they were on his barge. "I'm sorry about them, by the shouldn't have much such a stink about the weapons."

"I noticed you were hidden away in here for most of that," He paused, looking over her shoulder to smile at his two daughters. "Particular conflict."

"You have been very generous."

"They are paying me."

"I'm not." Emelia scratched the back of her head, very much aware of Sigrid and Tilda listening in. "So, yea. Thanks."

"You are no trouble. I wish I could say the same for your friends."

"I swear they're actually quite awesome when they aren't tired and hungry." She did not like feeling like she had to make excuses for the dwarves. Bard had a bad impression of them, she decided. She wanted him to understand that they were some of the best people she had met, despite the attitude they had had since being in Lake-town. "They'll be much better in the morning. I bet I can get Bombur to make breakfast. You haven't lived until you've tried his fried eggs over a bit of crispy toast."

"I will reserve my judgments of them until then, I suppose." He patted her on the shoulder as he moved past her to say goodnight to each of his children. He kissed them both on the top of the head before quietly ducking out to go to what Emelia assumed was his own bedroom. The small room was quiet for a moment before Tilda spoke up.

"So who wants the middle spot?"

Emelia couldn't stop herself from inwardly groaning at the thought of sharing a practically twin-sized bed with two other very not twin-sized people for the entire night. She told herself to be grateful, however, just to prove to Bard and his family that they weren't all ungrateful. It was a feat that was proving harder and harder with each time she made the mistake of glancing at the bed to size it up.

"I am so sorry for your loss."

The annoying saying existed here to, Emelia was loathe to discover. The dwarf who was addressing her had the decency to see that his words of comfort were not welcome and walk away before he did any more damage. Although, she couldn't see how any more could be done. She worked up the nerve to smile at him before he walked away for a fraction of a second. She was only able to hold it for a moment before her face took back on the perpetual mask of pain that she seemed to constantly wear nowadays. She looked around the hall that was filling up rapidly before she decided that she just couldn't handle anymore dwarves and their sympathetic looks.

They seemed to think it was helping, despite the fact that it was doing just the opposite.

Emelia lifted up her thick black skirts and marched in an unknown direction, pointedly avoiding making small talk with anyone. The female dwarves seemed to be particularly fond of it, for some unknown reason. They liked to console her with words of comfort before quickly trying to set her up with one of their relatives. Apparently, being a member of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield afforded one some perks and status, even though she was neither dwarf nor any form of lady. She wondered if they truly thought they were helping or if they simply didn't understand that she was not going to be marrying anyone any time soon, if at all, if they didn't have a dopey grin and an endearingly sweet personality to match. She wasn't going to be marrying anyone any time soon if they didn't have a semi-beard, which had debatably started to become a full beard, and had a love for archery. She wasn't going to be marrying anyone if they weren't Kili.

It was a simple fact that she had subconsciously decided long before she had realized that she loved him.

The main hall was filling up with all the people who had come to mourn. Gandalf was there, although Emelia hadn't seen him yet. She felt odd feelings towards him. He was the only one who was left that had been part of their quest, and yet she couldn't bring herself to go and visit with him. He was not the same as the dwarves. They did not have the same experiences. He wasn't her friend, or her companion, or her brother, or her anything. He was the old wizard who had spoken to her very little and thought of her even less.

Besides Gandalf and a few humans mixed in, such as Bard and his family, she was the only one there who wasn't a dwarf.

Emelia felt like she stood out like a sore thumb amongst them. When they had been traveling Emelia had felt so much like her companions that she had started to forget that they were different races. She liked the same foods that they did, liked the same music, laughed at the same stories. They had even gotten her to smoke a pipe or two when she wasn't too disgusted by the idea. She was a bit smaller than them and a bit, or a little more than bit, less hairy, but she had started to feel like she was a dwarf through and through.

She had even started to imagine little dwarflings, even though that possibility was now completely gone. They had her hair and Kili's eyes. She liked to think that they would love Kili more than anything and that no children would ever be as beautiful, dwarf or otherwise.

"Lass, they will want you to speak."

Emelia stopped dead in her tracks. She didn't really know where she was going. She hadn't really bothered to explore. She had spent most of her time in her room crying or hitting things. She had cried so much over the last couple of days that she was surprised she had any tears left. They still came, though, and were already beginning to stain the intricately bead bodice of her all black dress. She felt a hand on her elbow, startling her to turn around and face the dwarf in front of her.

"The service is about to start." He was the same polite dwarf who had done all the arrangements for the funeral. She didn't know his name. Normally she would feel bad. "I will escort you."

"I don't want to."

"I understand that…"

"I don't think you do." She snapped, reaching her hands up to furiously scrub the tears off her face before he could notice them. "You didn't spend the last months watching them get more and more excited about getting Erebor back only to have it blow up in their faces. They went to that damn mountain and died. And now I have nothing. They were my family. They loved me and protected me and tried to keep me safe from this crap fest."

"La…"

"They left me."

"Pardon?"

"They left me in Lake-town. I wanted to go with them to the mountain, to see what all the fuss was about. I don't know, I thought that maybe I could help them. But I never got the chance because they decided to up and leave me in the middle of the night. They all died and I didn't." She shook her head, wishing more than anything that all of the dwarves who had come to attend the service didn't expect anything from her. "I'm alone now. I should have been with them."

"I thank Mahal that you weren't."

That was the wrong thing to say.

"What do you mean?" Emelia wanted to hit something. The nameless dwarf didn't deserve it, so she turned her attention to the stone wall next to her. She stared at it for a moment before she punched it with all the force she had. She felt the bones crunch but ignored it. "I should have been with them." She cradled her hand to her chest, wishing that the dwarf would leave her to her misery.

"You were the last one to see them alive. You witnessed the legacy of Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain. They died for their people and I do not take that as being in vain."

"I do." Emelia snapped, pulling out a handkerchief to try and wrap up her hand. It was beginning to swell painfully.

"They are waiting."

Emelia knew that she would eventually bring herself to follow after the nameless dwarf. She would never be able to live with herself if the last chance she got to say goodbye to them, to him, was wasted on her being her usual whiny self. She had to say something. She was the last one who had been with them. They deserved for their people to know how brave they had been, even if it had been for nothing. They didn't deserve her moody silence and self-pity. Not when they had done everything they could to break her out of that after what had happened with her own family.

The dwarf allowed her to loop her arm with his as he led her to the large hall that they were using for the funeral service. Emelia could hear the somber chatter of the peole as they got closer, instantly reminding her that she wasn't the only one that was going to miss them. They all had families, and friends, and loved ones that would miss them. She felt another wave of anger at her own selfishness for thinking that she was the one who was going to miss them the most. She felt even worse when she remembered that some of them, Bombur and Gloin, had children. She had been so caught up in the thinking about the ones that she thought she had lost she had completely forgotten the ones who had lost their father.

She forced herself to think of others in that moment. She forced herself to think of the children, and their mothers, and their fathers.

It was those thoughts that helped her up to the podium in the front of the hall. She ignored the small shrines to each of the fallen members of the company. It was especially hard to ignore Kili's, considering it had the burnt remains of his bow laid across the top of it.

She stood up there for a moment, fully aware of the dwarves watching her before she finally decided that she should speak.

"I know you are all wondering who I am and why I am up here." She cleared the bile away, clutching her hand to her chest even tighter. "My name is Emelia Montgomery and I was a member, sort of, of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield. I know I appear to be amongst the wrong sort of company. I know I am very unimpressive when compared to them. I do not say that as a self-deprecating way of getting you all to compliment me later. I say that because you all know, as well as I do, that these thirteen dwarves were better than any of us could ever hope to be." She paused, squaring her shoulders as she felt her tongue loosening up ever so slightly. "I had the distinct pleasure of being able to join their quest to reclaim Erebor. At first I thought it was sort of terrible. I thought they were sort of terrible and I wanted nothing more than to go home. Obviously, I was very wrong. I know, now that it is too late to tell them, that they were the exact thing I needed at the worst time in my life. I will never be able to tell them how thankful I am for all they did for me and I truly regret that. I think though, there are things far more important than how I feel. Like how they made people proud in the Blue Mountains, or how they always seemed to get themselves out of trouble, or most importantly, how they were the exact sort of dwarves we should all strive to be, whether your dwarven or not."

"I think the most important thing we should all remember is that they wouldn't want us to be too sad. There are most important things. Like being happy for the time we have with each other, and telling someone that you love them before it is too late, or stopping every once and a while to just look up at the people you love and appreciate them. The Company of Thorin Oakenshield was brave, but they were also funny, and smart, and compassionate, and the best drinkers I ever met. There is a poem from where I come from that I had forgotten about up until recently."

"Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on the snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die."

She stopped speaking at that point, feeling as nothing she had said had made any sense. She thought for a moment longer before decided how she would end. "I see them in everything I do. I see Thorin when I make decisions for the good of other people. I see Dwalin when I see protectiveness. I see Balin when I need to be unfailingly diplomatic and accepting. I see Nori when I'm feeling clever, and Ori when creativity and knowledge is flourishing. I see Dori when someone pays attention to the little things that nobody think matter, but are really the most important. I see Bombur when someone uses food to make someone else happy. I see Bofur when people are laughing. I see Bifur when silence is golden. I see Gloin when stubbornness is key. I see Oin when someone is being taken care of. And I see Fili and Kili when, well, I see them in just about everything that is good and youthful and vibrant. I see them. All of them. I know I won't forget them because they aren't really gone."

Emelia woke up in a cold sweat, arms wrapped around Tilda's sleeping form so tight she thought she might be suffocating the poor child. She quickly removed her arms and disentangled herself from the sheets, thoughts drifting to other things. The dwarves to be more specific. There was an uncomfortable realness to her dream, to her nightmare more like, that left her with the undeniable need to go and check on them. She needed to see that they were still there, that they hadn't gone and gotten themselves eaten by the dragon while she had been asleep.

She didn't bother to pull on a robe over her nightdress. She didn't have one to begin with and propriety was the last thing on her mind. She opened the door quickly and shut it behind her. She hurried into the main part of the room, eyes scanning frantically for the dwarves. She just about had a panic attack right then and there when she realized that all of the bed rolls and spots that they had made up were completely empty. The weapons that Bard had given them lay abandoned on the table along with the extra clothes that had fit nobody.

"No." Emelia stepped into the room, feeling as if her nightmare was happening all over again. They were gone. They had really honestly left her. "No. No, no, no, no."

"Emelia, what are you doing?"

She jumped at the sound of Kili's voice. She turned around quickly in her spot, looking around until she saw him, all of them, huddled by the door. The door was open and they appeared to be in the process of making their way out, but she hardly cared. Her nightmare had made her realize something that was altogether uncomfortable. She had seen what it was like to lose them and she didn't like it, obviously. But more importantly, her dream self had admitted something that Emelia had been doing her best to deny for months.

It was perhaps the reason why she walked across the room, purpose marking every stride, and pulled Kili's face down to her own and kissed him. Or perhaps she just really wanted to kiss him for being alive and not eaten by a dragon. Either way, the results were the same.

I am soooooo sorry for the delay! And also for the weird update time. I just finished finals yesterday and I will begin moving my apartment tomorrow so this was the only time I could update or else it would be another week. So, yea. I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed on the last chapter. The support and kind words were truly amazing. They are part of the reason why I included the kiss now as opposed to later.

Just a heads up, while I am on break this summer I will be rewriting my LOTR story so that it lines up more consistently with this one in terms of plot and quality, so if you want to hop on over and follow it that would be greatly appreciated. I would love it if you guys could read it this summer!

Also, now that I am done with school I can finally read all the stories people have been requesting. So if you have something you would like me to check out, let me know!

Thanks for the support, and as always, REVIEW!