Being There
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N-thank you so much everyone for the wonderful reviews on the last chapter. Your insightful feed back really was appreciated. Nikki :)
Part Thirty Four
Jacob held Bella tightly in his arms as she woke up screaming. She fought his hold on her as she called out Renee's name, her legs thrashing about as if she was trying to run and save her mother in her nightmares. "Hush honey, it's alright. I'm here." He kept his voice calm as she opened her eyes and stared at him blankly.
"Jake?" She mumbled as she finally recognised where she was. "What happened?"
He stroked the damp hair from her forehead and gazed at her in concern. "You had another nightmare, honey."
Bella slumped in his arms. "What did I say this time?" She asked dully.
"You were calling out for your mom." Jacob kissed her gently on the lips.
She hid her face against his chest as she took deep breaths to calm herself. Too much stress could harm the baby. "I'm sorry I woke you."
"Don't ever be sorry for that. I'm glad that I was here. Charlie has been great letting me and dad stay here while the house gets fixed." Sam's truck had careered into the side of the house, knocking through into the living room. After Emily had accidentally run down Renee, the truck had continued to skid toward the house; Emily had been unable to control it. She had paid the price of her recklessness with her life.
Bella rolled onto her back and stared up at the darkened ceiling of her bedroom. "How long until it's repaired?" She asked.
"I don't know. Sam has promised he will make sure it is done as soon as possible. He's still reeling from what my dad said to him." Jacob told her. "It's his way of trying to make amends."
"Is Billy still refusing to let it go?" Bella was tired of the animosity. It wasn't Sam or Leah's fault, they had no idea that Emily would go to such extremes. Her expression darkened as she thought about the dead girl. Outwardly she pretended to have forgiven her but inside she thought Emily had brought it all on herself. However she kept her feelings hidden, she didn't want to upset the dead girls family.
"He's very angry, Bells and wants someone to blame. He was as scared as I was when I found out what happened. I'm so sorry I wasn't there honey. I..."
Bella put her finger over his lips to stop him talking. "No more, Jake. I'm tired of everyone feeling guilty. How were you to know what Emily planned to do? You can't always be there to save me."
Jacob cradled her face in his hands and looked at her intently. "It's what I do, Bells. I feel like I failed you and our baby." He confessed. "And your mom paid the price."
Tears leaked out of Bella's eyes at the mention of Renee. The surgery to stem the internal bleeding had been successful. Her broken legs had been fixed together with steel pins and metal plates. It was the injury to her head which was causing the most concern to the surgeons. They had induced a temporary coma in order for the swelling in her brain to decrease; it was now a waiting game. The doctors were talking about transferring her to a hospital in Seattle where they had a more specialist team.
"She saved my life, Jake. Now all I see when I close my eyes is the truck hitting her and I can't stop it happening." She leaned into him as she wept again. All Jacob could do was hold her tight as she let out her grief.
XXXXXX
Bella woke up early the next morning; sleep was eluding her and she eventually gave up trying to find any. She slipped out of Jacob's arms and wrapped her dressing gown around her and tied the sash tightly. As she was up she decided to make everybody breakfast. Cooking always soothed Bella's nerves. She descended the stairs and headed toward the kitchen. She glanced into the living room as she passed. Charlie had made up a temporary camp bed for Billy to sleep on, but as Bella looked in the room she saw that he was already up and sitting in his wheel chair, there was a far away look in his eyes.
She tentatively knocked on the living room door so that he would be aware that she was there. He jerked and turned his head to look at her. "Morning, Bella. Can't sleep either?" He greeted her with a tired smile.
She shook her head as she sat down on her dad's recliner. "No."
"Nightmares?" Billy asked her gently.
"You heard?" She said wryly.
"Yes." He gave her an understanding smile. "I suffered with a lot of those after Sarah passed."
"How did you get through it, Billy? To be alone with three young children, how did you cope?" Bella asked him.
"What you really mean is how did I make my way through the guilt that I let my wife, who was exhausted after running around after the kids, drive to get the shopping that day just so I could go fishing?" A shamed expression crossed his face.
Bella flinched, she hadn't meant to upset him. She reached out and took his hand. "I'm sorry."
Billy patted the back of her hand. "It's okay, Bella. In answer to your question I had to take each day as it came. Some days were very tough, others bearable. I admit the guilt never entirely leaves you but time puts what happened in perspective; you cannot change what has happened but you can control how you deal with it."
"My mom wouldn't be in a coma if it wasn't for me." Bella hung her head.
"Bella, despite Renee's faults she loved you with all her heart. She did what any mother would have done and, if she could tell you herself right now, she would say that she would do it again and again as long as it meant you were safe." Billy stated adamantly. "You are not at fault in any way. Others are more culpable."
Bella wiped her face with the back of her hand to get rid of a stray tear. "You mean Sam and Leah."
Billy's mouth turned down. "Yes."
"He didn't expect Emily to have such an extreme reaction, Billy. No one could have foretold that. You tell me that I have to forgive myself but then you hold a grudge against Sam when he was just a victim of circumstance like we all are." Bella shocked herself with her explanation.
Billy studied her carefully. "You sound so much like my Sarah. That was something she would have said."
Bella smiled at what she considered high praise. "Then listen to her, Billy. Let go of your animosity toward Sam and let us all move forward."
"I'll try." Billy promised. "For you and her I'll try."
XXXXXX
Bella made a cooked breakfast for everyone. She made sure to make extra for Jacob, piling his plate high, after all he didn't need to watch his weight. They all sat around the table and made idle chit chat, no one mentioning the traumatic events of the past few days. Jacob helped Bella clear up and then he had to leave to meet up with Sam and the others. He needed to oversee the restoration of the house.
"I'll see you later, honey. Are you sure you're alright with me leaving? I can stay if you want me to." Jacob asked worriedly.
"I'll be fine, Jake. Dad and I are going to the hospital to sit with mom for a while." Bella mustered up a smile.
"Okay." He kissed her softly on the mouth. "Call me if you need me and I'll come straight back."
Bella kissed him back and forced a smile on her face. "I love you."
"Love you more." Jacob reluctantly left her with Charlie and headed back to La Push.
XXXXXX
There was a knock on the front door. "Can you answer that, kiddo?" Charlie called from up the stairs. "I'm just getting some stuff together for your mom."
"Okay." Bella yelled back at him. She walked into the hall and opened the door.
"Bella. Quil told me. I'm so sorry." Jessica engulfed her in a hug. Bella returned it gratefully.
"Come in." She said.
"What happens now?" Jessica asked as they sat in the kitchen drinking coffee. "I'm sorry I didn't come before. I went away for a couple of days with my nana."
"That's okay. Well mom is in hospital in an induced coma. The doctors want to transfer her to Seattle so she can be assessed by a specialist team." Bella told her.
"What about her husband?" Jessica probed curiously. "Have you heard from him?"
An angry glint shone in Bella's eyes. "My dad has left loads of messages for Phil, he hasn't bothered to reply to any of them."
"What a bastard." Jessica said in disgust.
"Exactly." Bella took a sip of her coffee. As she was about to continue speaking there was another knock on the door. "Wow we are popular today." She gave Jessica a wry smile and went to answer the door.
Leah stood on the doorstep, a worried frown on her face. She had only seen Bella briefly since the incident. Jacob had kept everyone away to give Bella some space. "Hey. I wondered whether you were up for some company while you visit your mom in the hospital."
Bella gave her a small smile. "Thanks, that would be great. Jess is here too so there will be quite a group. My mom would be over the moon to know that she has so many visitors." She tried to sound cheerful.
Leah tentatively opened her arms to give Bella a hug. "Can I?" She asked in a gentle tone.
"Yeah. I can never have too many hugs." Bella let Leah embrace her and with this one simple gesture Leah knew that she was forgiven.
XXXXXX
Jacob looked around his house, the front was like a building site. At least Sam's truck had been removed, he didn't need to see that reminder. Piles of wood and scaffolding were strewn haphazardly about. Harry Clearwater was there, along with Sam and the other pack members. They were discussing the best way to start the restoration.
"Hey guys." Jacob greeted them all.
"Hey, Jake." Embry was the first to answer. He jogged over to him. "How are you?"
Jacob rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay."
"And Bella?" Embry prompted.
"So so."
"I'm sorry man." Embry said sympathetically.
"We'll get through this. Thanks for all your help with the house." Jacob changed the subject.
"It's the least we can do." Embry punched him on the shoulder. "Come on it's your chance to show us your Alpha skills and order us about. Lahote's here, so kicking his ass if he gets out of line should be fun."
"I heard that." Paul complained as the others laughed at Embry's comment.
Jacob couldn't help but grin, it felt good to smile.
XXXXXX
While the others set to work Sam pulled Jacob to one side. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. "I just want to say again how sorry I am. I never expected Em to do what she did." He apologised.
"Sam we've been through this. It's not your fault. I don't blame you and neither does Bells." Jacob assured him again.
"But I blame me and your dad...I could, no I should have handled things better." Sam's voice was laced with guilt.
Jacob sighed and put his hand on his pack brother's shoulder. "Sam listen to me, there is nothing you could have done any different. Emily did this all herself. Since you phased you have carried one burden after another, who could blame you for seeking happiness with Leah. Please don't torture yourself anymore. Life is too short to wallow in unnecessary guilt. As for my dad he is coming around, give it time."
A solitary tear slid down Sam's face as he gazed steadily at Jacob. "Thank you. You have truly come into your own, Jacob Black."
Jacob slapped Sam on the back. "Come on let's get back to the others. I feel an urge to kick Lahote's ass."
"I heard that." Paul yelled out as the others burst into laughter. Jacob grinned as he walked back with Sam to start work on the house.
A/N-thanks for reading!