hi everyone! i was thinking i won't update for tonight. haha...i was so caught up with rewatchin SKET-DANCE AND MY EYES ARE ALL PUFFY RIGHT NOW FROM CRYING...but then...when i started typing, i couldn't stop. i hope you enjoy this chappy as much as i enjoyed typing away...saaaaaa!
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°°°°°° The Result °°°°°°
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There were no words that could explain the tightening in his chest as he watched Misaki's distorted face. It was like a painful tightening inside that was about to suffocate him. He couldn't even utter another word. He was numb all over.
Stupid as it was, Usami was really nailed on the spot.
He couldn't speak.
He couldn't think.
He thought he'd die.
He thought he'd die from the overwhelming feeling of knowing that Misaki, the one person he was willing to sacrifice his everything for could take it that far. Take it that far for him.
He was really happy.
However, another feeling was there inside him. Knowing that he, Usami Akihiko, was the cause of Misaki's sure disqualification from Sonate, he felt burdened. He felt shaken.
More than the happiness, the man was filled with guilt for crushing the dream that could almost reached by the hand.
"Why...did I snap like that?" Usami's mind rattled on and on and on. "If I didn't cause so much attention...this wouldn't have happened..."
As if the lights of the world had been turned off, Usami felt like he was standing in the middle of a desert. The guilt and the feeling of loss was pushing him down the sand.
He had never felt so unsure in his life. He had pictured Misaki to be successful. He didn't care about himself anymore. But what of it now?
He wasn't blaming Misaki. He was blaming himself.
Misaki couldn't imagine what sort of face he was making. Everything in his vision just turned black and his mouth ran before him. As he darted his unfocused eyes at the faces of the people, he could feel his knees shaking so bad. It felt like they couldn't support Misaki's weight any longer.
He gulped despite the dryness in his lips.
"I'm so..." Misaki looked at the polished stage. The lights making it look like it was white instead of a deep brown. His fingers were gripping the microphone so tightly he wouldn't be surprised if it snapped into half. "I'm so..."
His voice, soft and weak filled the hall. It was just crazy silent as if Misaki became alone in an instant. He was as shocked as the audience. However, whether people were there shocked or not, the teen didn't care anymore.
Misaki searched for Ijuuin amidts the many faces. He traced the blank faces like he was looking at mannequins.
There was a lump in Misaki's throat when he finally saw Ijuuin Kyo. He didn't deserve such kindness now, did he? Instead of a teacher fuming in anger, there was Ijuuin Kyo's smile.
It was the kind of smile that said "Damn brat, do what you want..." So typical of the man.
"I'M SORRY!" Misaki bowed. For Ijuuin, for his brother, for Arisaka and for everyone who pushed him till the end only for him to throw it away.
The moment he said it, he knew without it being announced yet that there would be no way on Earth he could still win the Sonate, no matter how much hope was placed on him by the people who believed in him.
"Are you okay with that?" Io asked, pulling the darkglasses a little lower down his nose, revealing his green scrutinizing eyes. "He practically threw it away..."
Sighing, Ijuuin closed his eyes. "It's a decision out of impulse. How can I be okay with that?"
"Heh..." the teen muttered sounding bored fixing his eyes at Misaki on the stage. "Then why are you smiling like a creep again?" he mumbled.
"What?"
"Nothing..."
Frowning, Ijuuin crossed his arms on his chest and relaxed on his seat. "Takahashi..." he continued, "...is an idiot. But I love his determination... He'll be fine."
It was crazy how the delayed reaction turned into something of a paranoia. Acting as if it was the first time they heard of the word "gay" and "lover". Acting as if Misaki and Usami had committed a sin and they haven't. They were all so quick to judge. The people's lips buzzed with demeaning comments and hurtful words. And the worst, it seemed like they were enjoying every second of it.
"Eh...36 is actually in an indecent relationship."
"What a crazy Sonate we have this year, ne?"
"So those pictures, it was that Takahashi? Eww..."
Standing in the middle of the sea of buzzing sounds, Usami had no choice but to ignore them all. Damage has been done. There was no taking it back.
It was frustrating. Irritating to the point that one could go crazy. Everyone was talking at the same time. Hissing and muttering these different words with all having the same meaning. Discrimination.
Inside the hall, outside the hall, everyone just had to say something. Just had to comment. There was nothing wrong with it. Freedom of speech as they say. But they were crossing the line.
An authoritative figure stood and they stopped. These people stopped when one of the people sitting behind the long, white table stood slowly as if the mere act was tiring. He was small. Perhaps because of age, he became that way. Despite that, age didn't have anything to do with the air of authority around him. Just his palm raised in the air and everyone just had to shut up.
His smiling face didn't waver. He just merely nodded before taking the microphone laid before each of the judges.
He looked up and cleared his throat. That was it. The Chief judge was going to say something. And everyone anticipated it. Misaki, Usami, everyone.
"Takahashi-san..." a low, weak voice started.
Usami stared with wide eyes at the screens. Any minute that time, and he would be hearing the dreaded words.
"Do you know the consequences of what you just said earlier?"
The teen looked at the old man's direction. Misaki traced those large veins on the old man's hands before looking eye to eye with the man.
"I know."
As if the old man was thinking, another silence filled everyone. If anything, it only intensified the want of the people to know what was going to happen. It was even comical at some point, people who've been watching could even admit they had never paid so much attention to an announcement as much as what they were doing that time.
"I'm giving you 10 seconds to take back your words. Corrections or clearing of your name with this revelation son..."
Without knowing it, Usami's feet took a step forward as if he could reach out to the electronic screens showing everything inside the hall. He just looked. With his own heart stuck in his throat.
"They're giving you a chance Misaki...take it back. Take it back!"
Take back? Misaki felt like laughing. Clearing?
Gritting his teeth, Misaki threw a glance at the line of his rivals. They were all so bright in his eyes. Full of talents and future. And the teen felt already happy he was able to perform his song fair and square. He didn't cheat. He didn't use anything to get on that stage. Only his talent.
What's there to clear? I'm just admitting the truth...
Unconsciously, his green orbs darted at the table before the judges. He hadn't notice it before. But there it was, a gold huge music note, shining with all its glory. The trophy symbolizing the fruit of all the hardships everyone went through just to get into the competition. Together with the huge check, the money symbolizing the wealth from music. Their reflection in Misaki's eyes were too much it was blinding.
The trophy's so pretty...
Within that ten seconds, Misaki just stared at the would be prizes. He stared and stared at them. Before he knew it, ten seconds was up.
"Oi, oi...even if he take back his words,the mere fact he was breaking a rule is enough to disqualify him! What chance? You must be joking Sonate!"
"Maybe they're just being nice?"
"That BlackMedley got himself an unworthy student..."
It wasn't just Misaki and Usami who got stabbed behind their backs. Ijuuin was included too. It was the explosion of people wanting to feast on somebody else's situation. Perhaps they didn't mean it. But it was wrong in any angle or way.
"So...Takahashi Misaki?" the Chief Judge called. His voice was so calm as if he was just in the middle of a chat while drinking tea.
"Take it back..." Usami whispered behind his throbbing temples.
"Aren't you surprised, Takahiro?" Arisaka asked stealing a glance at the silent man before him.
Sighing, Takahiro fixed his unseeing eyes at the laptop. Imagining in his head how tense and how ugly the scene was. "It would be a lie if I said I am not surprised," his lips curling into a sad smile. "I know something is going on when Misaki introduced that man to me. He rarely brings friends here aside from you and Sora. So I know deep within me I guess I already prepared myself."
"Then? You okay with your brother being...you know?"
"More than being okay or not, it's Misaki. The fact he's going out with another man doesn't change that he's my only brother."
Arisaka looked away when he realized that the blind man was trying to supress tears.
"You're so not okay with it, Takahiro you don't have to hide it."
"I wanted Misaki to have a normal life. A woman to marry, have his own kids and those stuff..." the pamphlet in his hand crumpled as his shaking hands clenched them.
"I'm not okay with it...But there's nothing I could do, is there? He had already started making his own decisions without consulting me. He's become an adult without me realizing it."
"That Usami Akihiko..." Arisaka mumbled. "...is a good guy. That's all I can say as Misaki's second brother."
The faces Misaki could see were all having a blank expression. Curiosity and interest, they were fierce expressions that almost made Misaki lose his resolve. The dimly lit hall, the stage itself, those were just dreams that he managed to get a hold of. Everything, despite the aches he got, everything has been fun.
But being asked, the grand life and promise of winning, or the single name his chest was screaming; there would be no questioning what his answer would be.
From all the cameras Misaki could see focusing on him, he couldn't decide where to look at. Gripping the mic in between his sweaty palms, Misaki looked straight. When he drew a deep breath, it was as if everyone watching him did the same.
"I am in love," Misaki started with his eyes as if he could actually see Usami. It was a chilly gaze of confession. "...with Usami Akihiko."
The troubled look on Misaki's face, the anguish, the confusion and all the indecisiveness was gone. He wanted to end it.
The eyes of the people started burning holes on Usami's body. They were a mix of astonishment, glare and calculations.
Usami's hand moved to his mouth. He felt like he was choking. It was like needles prickling on his skin.
"We're not in a relationship!" Misaki hissed.
"It's not like that...I mean we're..."
"Good afternoon, I'm Usami Akihiko, Misaki's friend."
"Hey kid, we just want to confirm something, could you answer a few questions?"
"So...do you know Usami Akihiko personally?"
"I...to Usami Akihiko..."
"I...I...I..." Misaki looked at Usagi-san whose face was expressionless.
"I...I am just a regular fan," Misaki mumbled with wide eyes. "...sneaking in here..."
The flashbacks were enough to make this strong man to fall on his knees.
"First time..." Usami whispered as he looked at the green eyes clear as night sky. "...admitting to everyone..." even if he wanted to cry, he couldn't. His heart couldn't decide what to feel. Happiness, sadness, pain, pride and love all whirling inside. No explaining it. He was crazy with everything about Misaki.
"TO BE HONEST, I CAN'T STAND YOU PEOPLE JUDGING ME, JUDGING USAGI-SAN! I DON'T WANT TO BE LOOKED AT LIKE I AM SO DIRTY!" Misaki hissed. His heaving chest showing how fed up he was with everything.
"SAYING GAY, GAY, GAY, HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY FEASTED ON THAT MATTER, YOU'RE NOT YET SATISFIED?!" the teen glared at all the cameras focused on him, his anger showing in every angle. "I'M SORRY BUT I HAVE TO SAY THIS, YOU'RE ALL JEEEEEEEERKS!"
He panted like he had ran a mile. His sweat clearly visible from the lights focused on him.
The people watched with all attention at the angry teen scolding them. Watched every flutter of the teen's eyelashes here and there. And as if a button has been pressed, Misaki's anger disappeared and was replaced by a calm face. No one knew anymore what the teen was going to do. He was just plain unpredictable.
What the entire people who threw indecent judgement to the teen, those who didn't have any comments, and those few who believed that being gay didn't matter couldn't understand was when Takahashi Misaki, bowed solemnly once more in front of the cameras. His hair hiding his face, he bowed a long and deep one.
"But despite that, I want to thank all of you..."
"Ha?"
"Thank...us?" the people asked themselves.
"Because without you pushing me to the farthest corners, I wouldn't be able to admit this. I would probably be spouting things to hide my real identity...so thank you."
Misaki paused, capturing his breath. He couldn't even anymore understand who was talking or taking control. His head or his chest? But perhaps, the body was agreeing to the heart. It was one of those rare moments that the mind gives way and shuns logic. All leaving the decisions to the heart for once. It was the act of the stupid. But most of the time, the stupid are the ones getting their contentment.
"Baka Usagi, you're there right?" Misaki grinned despite his puffy face he looked comical. "If you have something bothering you, tell me!"
Usami's profile in the cameras' lenses was showing lips into a smile, while his whole face was hidden by the shadows of his hair. Looking at him, somehow, even for just a little bit, they could get a glimpse of what love beyond everything was like.
Still couldn't admit the guilt and shame, they just watched silently as witnesses for something way out of their understanding.
"Forcing me to say embarrassing things...but I will say them anyway," the Sonate people didn't even know whether to stop Misaki or not. They were also caught up with the teen's pace rendering them in a state of shock and awe. "I can't stand the distance and I can't surely dream alone...what's the use of this if we can't face everything together?"
The small shaking of Misaki's frail shoulders grew. Until he was hiccuping like a child searching for his place.
"You said I am the only love you know!" Misaki sniffed. "I haven't had the guts to say this before but you're my home Usagi-san...I want to return to the way we were before!"
The old man just listened to everything what Misaki said without a change of expression. To an old man with all the experience in the world, what Misaki might have said was just colorful nonsense leading to nothing. It wasn't realistic and it wouldn't ease hungry stomachs. But he didn't say anything. He just watched.
And when Misaki finally looked calm and already done, the old man cleared his throat once again.
"That was indeed a long answer, Takahashi-san," he smiled. "Do you have anymore to say?"
Misaki nodded.
"One more thing..." he muttered then drew another deep breath. "If you will just base a human's worth just because of their preference, then you're way of judgement is twisted."
Silence. A long, deafening one.
"I hope you feel better now, Takahashi-san?" the old man nodded at the emcee and the woman approached the Chief Judge. A piece of white paper had been passed around the long table together with a separate yellowish one. No doubt, the verdict. "Well then, I guess we can continue now?"
It was only after releasing his grip on the microphone did Misaki felt exhaustion in his body. He thought he wouldn't be able to reach the end of the line. He dragged his heavy feet towards number 60 whose name he couldn't anymore remember.
The act was slow, and painful to watch. And yet with a surprised look, Misaki turned his head at the growing sound of people clapping for him.
What...
It wasn't a clap of total acceptance of who he was and his relationship. But these people knew that Misaki's courage to say all of the things he said on live broadcast was something needing of appreciation. On second thought, they couldn't totally say that what the teen had said was wrong.
And so their claps filled the hall. And like a domino effect, unstoppable and inevitable, from the hall itself to the people outside, they started clapping. To be honest some people didn't even know why they were clapping with the others. There was just something in them that was moved and only through clapping they could express it. And so, with Misaki's hazy green eyes, he walked with his head up high.
I will never regret a thing I did tonight...Never...
A faint sound of a bell ringing, the emcee went back to her spot with the white paper in hand.
"The result for the Sonate Music Competition Year XXXX is now in my hands. This journey has been indeed colorful and full of surprises. And the Sonate Committee is thanking everyone, the viewers, the sponsors, the composers and the competitors as well. Without you, this wouldn't have been possible..."
The camera panned to each of the nervous faces on the screen. And as the event inside was being broadcasted, the expectant faces of the people outside were also being shown.
Usami looked once more at the LCD screens with an expression no one could describe. He started taking steps. Slowly, he moved forward. So different from earlier, people started moving out of his way. With hushed voices, they gave way to Usami Akihiko. A straight line of space was before Usami, the showbusiness crew was left on the side.
He walked and walked feeling once more the clenching feeling inside as if his heart was being twisted. This time, he could get to Misaki without any barrier. But now that he knew any minute he could see the boy with his own eyes, the fright was growing.
How he would react? How he would act? He might breakdown just by the sight of Takahashi Misaki in front of him, flesh and blood. They'd been so far away from each other for a long time that it was like a nightmare that went for eternity.
The automatic doors welcomed Usami, the beeping red scanner flying off right away.
Usami Akihiko's back was the last thing the viewers saw after the man had finally, after sweat and blood, entered Ishikawa Ongakudo.
"SMC Third Place," the woman paused as if she wanted his sparking diamonds be highlighted. "Congratulations and please step forward..." there was no drum roll effect. But it gave off the same feeling as if there was. The emcee glanced one more time at the results in her hands making everyone more tense.
The line of competitors maintained a straight face. There were only four winners in Sonate. The Third, Second, First and Grand winner or the Champion. They already accepted that they could be going home empty handed. But the experience being a part of it could also be considered as a medal of honor.
Despite the thumping nervousness inside of their chests, they could look forward with pride. Besides, a competition would always be composed of winners. There would be no losers in an event where everyone gained confidence and knowledge, that was how a real artist should view life and every competition they'd face.
"Third Place, Congratulations...Shiba Souji. Sagao Aiko's representative."
A flood of claps filled the entire hall. In truth many had predicted that this man had a huge chance of getting the Sonate Trophy, but life was always unpredictable and he ended up as the third.
The people who placed money on their bets were now getting more nervous as well. Hoping that their bets would win.
The moment princely Shiba Souji had taken his bow and badge, a one hundred percent gold with a single diamond at the center that served as the head of the music note which was Sonate's logo, the emcee smiled at the cameras.
"The Second Place for this years SMC..." she looked at the row of competitors. Some girls started holding hands. Some of the men just tapped each other on the shoulder. Camaraderie building after the fight. "Please step forward, Yawara Seri. Tanaka Hirose's representative."
Ijuuin Kyo stood from his seat which gathered a questioning look from Io. The darkhaired man just clapped with no facial reaction.
Tanaka Hirose was one of Ijuuin Kyo's music instructors when he was still in the academy. The one who blatantly ridiculed Misaki on the official listings. True the man wasn't kind, but as a student, Ijuuin still have a respect for the man's ability to bring the best out of his beautiful student Yawara Seri.
As the announcement to the Sonate Music Competition Champion was nearing, the suspence was also growing thicker and thicker in the atmosphere.
Usami Akihiko entered the hall silently. Almost as if he was a cat not catching attention. Everyone was caught up with the results that many people didn't care who the man walking down the red carpeted steps was. Stopping in the middle, he was completely hidden by the shadows casted by the pure focused lights on the stage. There he stood, with his eyes fixed at the last one on the line. Only it was Misaki he could see.
"And now...the First Place of this year's Sonate," the woman smiled enjoying the suspence she was creating. The camera again flashing the competitors faces. "Congratulations...Kobayashi Taki. Hidemi Sayaka's representative..."
The thunderous claps were deafening. Their rythm jamming with the thumping of everyone's heart as the competition was nearing its end.
It would have been just everyone's imagination, but the stage, the lights and everything in Sonate felt like time halted. Everyone, not just the competitors but the audience in and out of the hall could feel goosebumps crawling on their skins.
The closing theme song for Sonate resonated faintly, and when the emcee walked towards the center of the stage, taking her spot between the Third, the Second and the First placers, the world grew silent.
Ijuuin made his way towards the front of the stage, leaving his seat.
Io stood together with the other VIPs with expectant faces. He wasn't going to admit it but he wanted Misaki to win.
The whole Zone Management, the hospital with Arisaka and Takahiro all together in their hearts prayed that Misaki win it.
Despite fuming in anger that Usami Akihiko broke the agreement of him going abroad, the music consultants; Hidori and Agawa smiled at each other knowingly. They could only support their friend Usami Akihiko and prayed for all the best for Misaki.
And Sora-chan, with her neck almost breaking from all the looking up she did at the electronic boards in the airport danced around that her Misa-nii would win.
On the other hand, Misaki just fixed his eyes at the blinding lights above his head. He wouldn't regret what he did, but if he didn't win, he knew he'd still feel hurt. So he looked up to prepare himself.
"Sonate Music Competition Champion is..." the woman drew a deep breath as she started opening the seperate black envelope handed to her. The cameras, simultaneously focusing on the competitors' faces, the view outside, the view inside the hall and at the black envelope being opened. It was a tension worth remembering in history.
"The Sonate Music Competition Champion this year..." the woman looked at the faces looking back at her. She turned her gaze at the long table of judges and the faces of the audiences in the hall as well.
She knitted her brows which sent the whole media speculating. Gossips around, rumors spreading, everything in connection to the final winner of the competition swirling into an uncontrollable jumble.
Misaki closed his eyes.
"The Sonate Music Competition Champion Year XXXX..." she dropped her hand holding the envelope on her side and faced the cameras straight on. "The Grand Winner for this Year's Sonate Music Competition...is vacant."
Chapter end Notes:
yoh minna-san! thank you for your patience and kind words. i appreciate all of them!^^...and to those who've told me my Sekaiichi Hatsukoi Doujinshi was funny, domo!
for those who haven't...please check it out too^^ ehehe
tm bl r . co /Zo_g9uhtDhji
-shuusetsu (^з^)- Chu!